我對 Andover 的印象
我住在 Andover 剛好廿年. 在此之前, 台北是我的家. 那裏大樓林立, 街道上車子和人潮川流不息. Andover 這樣的小鎮, 在我初來時, 感覺很有耳目一新的感覺. 尤其是我們第一個早上醒來, 出了舅舅家門, 他門口那邊有棵柳樹. 那時天氣又很好, 草是綠的, 柳樹是霧濛濛的, 天是藍的, 花是到處開的. 非常漂亮. 即使是現在, 我妹妹結婚離開這個小鎮後, 仍然說, 漫步在 Andover, 實在是非常好的享受. 這個鎮算是郊區, 但是開始住在這時, 我感覺到的不同才在我走進真正的城裏, Boston 的時候, 真正的指出來. 城裏的車子不僅不等人, 更容易對行人按喇叭, 我才真正發現郊區和城市的不同處.
這裏的人們, 都滿友善. 大概是生活的步調緩慢多了. 我最常去的地方是圖書館. 我在大學時, 甚至寫過一篇介紹 Andover 圖書館的文章. 我在台北的時候, 實際上很少去圖書館. 要看書, 主要是買的. 台北市立圖書館當然是很不錯, 但是台北普通的小圖書館, 並不大, 擺設也不怎麼樣. Andover 的圖書館, 是棟一看就有些歷史的建築物. 裏面的空間很大, 擺設也是處處可見新思巧緻. Andover 也有一個享譽全球的私立高中, Philip Academy. 這所高中的校園看起來和哈佛有點像. 和一般的高中比其來簡直就像一個私立學院.
這個鎮甚麼都好, 就有一點. 沒啥好吃的餐館. 不是連鎖店, 就是一看就踩不進去的地方. 因為, 看起來有點陰森森的, 其實也就是可能貴一點. 可是, 我就不大願意進去了. 很可惜. 這個鎮還有一個不好的. 就是很無聊. 我記得在高中時, 那時有一群從亞洲來的同學, 每個人最大的抱怨就是, 沒有地方好去. 也或許是這樣吧, 很多人的院子都很不錯. 反正沒事幹, 就花花草草吧.
大概是一兩個月前吧, 我走過一個院子, 那家的男主人正在弄他的院子. 我和他打個招呼, 也順便寒喧一下. 他介紹院子裏的植物, 說著說著, 他指著一棵樹, 說, 這是他廿年前種的. 我看著這棵樹,想想自己也是在這裡過了廿年. 這棵樹已講長了這麼高. 而自己, 並沒有甚麼長進. 這個長者和我幾乎同一時間搬到這裏.這讓我有點灰心,喪氣,痛惡自己.
我在美國的經驗, 其實也就可以從我對 Andover 這個小鎮的印象裏得一個概括. 在 Andover 廿年, 我一個認識的人都沒有. 除了舅舅家, , 除了一些舅舅的朋友. 我常常對媽媽說, 我們到小瑋家去玩吧. 小瑋. 我妹妹, 住在 Malden. 我的 ESL 老師, 就住在離我走路十五分鐘處, 我畢業之後再也沒去拜訪過他. 我高中的同學沒有一個留下來的, 因為都是小留學生.
說到這裏, 感覺好像有一點悲哀. 我這個人有自憐的習慣. 很糟糕. 我把人和物都說了一些. 我來說些事. 目前只有我媽媽和我住在 Andover. 大概在高中不知道第幾年開始, 我媽媽找到一條很好的路. 繞一圈, 將近一個小時. 他也已經走了將近廿年了吧. 那時候, 他還帶 Sky 媽媽來走過. 這條路把美國郊區馬路像公園的特點表現無遺. 我有時也陪著媽媽走, 像之前提到那棵樹的男主人, 媽媽以前就常常在早上五點走路時看過. 他很佩服男主人的辛勤. 這一路上有一棟秋香色的房子, 媽媽很喜歡的顏色. 不過近幾年, 他們換了顏色. 這一路上, 我們母子倆人講講談談. 著實的給我們家一個很難的機會. 雖然很多時候, 多半是他講我聽. 我近幾年走在路上, 也會碰到一些人和我們打招呼. 真的, 走了將近廿年, 很多老住戶大概也會注意到我們吧.
住了將近廿年. 當然不會只有這些人事物. 就當這篇文章算一個起頭. 期望, 自己在尋尋找找中, 一點一滴, 一沙一礫, 可以找到個頭, 找到個希望. 這個希望或許可以變成動力...
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Monday, December 26, 2016
thoughts on movies
Assassin's creed:
I like it. I really like the relation of father and daughter in the movie. The action for both parkour and fighting was both clear and intense. Even the transition between modern day and ancient time was clearly executed. I like the casting decision on many people, especially that general of Christian Spain.
I'd complain about the music though. It's very loud.
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La La Land:
This movie was awesome. I love it. I remembered watch old musicals, where, I felt a glee watching protagonist dancing the girl of his dream. It's like two puppies play with innocence and joy. I found the innocence and joy from both Emma and Ryan! Their characters matched up perfectly, with their wits, intelligence, and passion! The dialogue between the two brought smile on my face. Their dance was not Fred and Ginger, but it's more than enough.
The opening scene already brought a smile on my face. Most of the scenes were in reality, but many of them, were filmed in like a fantasy sequences!
Anyway, I recommended everyone to see it.
I like it. I really like the relation of father and daughter in the movie. The action for both parkour and fighting was both clear and intense. Even the transition between modern day and ancient time was clearly executed. I like the casting decision on many people, especially that general of Christian Spain.
I'd complain about the music though. It's very loud.
---------------------------------------------
La La Land:
This movie was awesome. I love it. I remembered watch old musicals, where, I felt a glee watching protagonist dancing the girl of his dream. It's like two puppies play with innocence and joy. I found the innocence and joy from both Emma and Ryan! Their characters matched up perfectly, with their wits, intelligence, and passion! The dialogue between the two brought smile on my face. Their dance was not Fred and Ginger, but it's more than enough.
The opening scene already brought a smile on my face. Most of the scenes were in reality, but many of them, were filmed in like a fantasy sequences!
Anyway, I recommended everyone to see it.
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Year in review 1
我上次去蘇州, 在外公家裏看到一件有趣的事. 那就是外公會在小簿子裏記錄一些簡短的想法. 這個方法在媽媽那邊也可以看的到. 就好像一種傳承一樣. 我會注意到這一點, 因為我也有同樣的習慣. 無論是在台灣, 還是來美國後更變本加厲. 而我的簿子裏總是有一些小計畫, 要早起, 要吃健康, 要做怎樣美好的事情. 再不然就是檢討. 就像現在正在做得.
起初乍看之下, 怵目驚心. 現在說, "和外公一樣, 不是很好的事情. 似乎是一件令人討厭的事. 媽媽呢, 則不只是寫在小簿子裏, 他常常隨手抓一張紙, 就寫在上面, 可能是信封, 可能是廣告的背面. 這樣子, 寫下來的東西也常常丟掉. 像那樣子似乎也不怎麼好. 但是, 現在看一看自己的桌面, 上面仍然到處是紙條. 拉倒, 拉倒, 也就這樣了.
把紙條記錄在這裏, 然後把他們丟了吧. 沒有時間順序, 也沒有重要性. 純粹抓到啥記啥.
1. a. 訂出課程表; b. 學習時間定量; c. 目標 (有恆), (不回情緒左右)
2. 為啥別人的事記的牢些, 自己的事少些?
3. 詩云: "迨天之未陰雨, 撤彼桑土, 綢繆牖戶; 今此下民, 或敢侮予?" (孟子公孫丑上四:詩·國風·豳風·鴟鴞)
4. 義人的心, 思量如何回答 / 回答柔和, 使怒消退 / 智慧人的舌, 善發知識 / 溫良的舌是生命的樹.
5. I forgot how to enjoy. The joy in the heart is something worth to remember. Celebrate the things that give me joy and comfort. Realize the fleeing inside of me. Let it spread from my heart to my smile.
6. Look at my desk. All the finished and unfinished tasks. Plus those little notes scattered and all around. Maybe inside, my brain are wild as well.
7. 若蠱之上九, 居無用之地, 而致匪躬之節, 以蹇之六二, 在王臣之位, 而高不事之心, 則冒進之患生, 曠官之刺興. (爭臣論, 韓愈)
8. 清潔用具: 準備一個水桶, 一條抹布, 一雙手套.
9. 布衣之怒, 亦免冠徒跣, 以頭搶地耳....; 此庸夫之怒也. 非士之怒也. .... 懷怒未發, 休祲將於天. (唐雎不辱使命)
10. Mascon floor plan steps: 1. get measurement; 2. use the software; 3. print.
11. 進擊的巨人/食夢人(爆漫人)/ 超智遊戲/排球少年/魁男塾/拳擊浪子/死亡筆記/Jo Jo 的奇幻冒險/烙印勇士/山與食欲與我
起初乍看之下, 怵目驚心. 現在說, "和外公一樣, 不是很好的事情. 似乎是一件令人討厭的事. 媽媽呢, 則不只是寫在小簿子裏, 他常常隨手抓一張紙, 就寫在上面, 可能是信封, 可能是廣告的背面. 這樣子, 寫下來的東西也常常丟掉. 像那樣子似乎也不怎麼好. 但是, 現在看一看自己的桌面, 上面仍然到處是紙條. 拉倒, 拉倒, 也就這樣了.
把紙條記錄在這裏, 然後把他們丟了吧. 沒有時間順序, 也沒有重要性. 純粹抓到啥記啥.
1. a. 訂出課程表; b. 學習時間定量; c. 目標 (有恆), (不回情緒左右)
2. 為啥別人的事記的牢些, 自己的事少些?
3. 詩云: "迨天之未陰雨, 撤彼桑土, 綢繆牖戶; 今此下民, 或敢侮予?" (孟子公孫丑上四:詩·國風·豳風·鴟鴞)
4. 義人的心, 思量如何回答 / 回答柔和, 使怒消退 / 智慧人的舌, 善發知識 / 溫良的舌是生命的樹.
5. I forgot how to enjoy. The joy in the heart is something worth to remember. Celebrate the things that give me joy and comfort. Realize the fleeing inside of me. Let it spread from my heart to my smile.
6. Look at my desk. All the finished and unfinished tasks. Plus those little notes scattered and all around. Maybe inside, my brain are wild as well.
7. 若蠱之上九, 居無用之地, 而致匪躬之節, 以蹇之六二, 在王臣之位, 而高不事之心, 則冒進之患生, 曠官之刺興. (爭臣論, 韓愈)
8. 清潔用具: 準備一個水桶, 一條抹布, 一雙手套.
9. 布衣之怒, 亦免冠徒跣, 以頭搶地耳....; 此庸夫之怒也. 非士之怒也. .... 懷怒未發, 休祲將於天. (唐雎不辱使命)
10. Mascon floor plan steps: 1. get measurement; 2. use the software; 3. print.
11. 進擊的巨人/食夢人(爆漫人)/ 超智遊戲/排球少年/魁男塾/拳擊浪子/死亡筆記/Jo Jo 的奇幻冒險/烙印勇士/山與食欲與我
Friday, November 25, 2016
wolf children movie thought
This movie is interesting. I feel that it is a sad movie. I think the premise of the movie is interesting. A mother raised two wolf children, who had a hard time to decide what they want to be, human or wolf. The mother had to study both human and wolf in able to raise the kids.
After watching it, I have a weird feeling that some Japanese movies emphasize on letting things go very strongly. Especially with Japanese animation. I always have this tremendous feeling of linger after watching many of their animations. But sometimes, I felt it was forced. It's unnatural. Unnatural is such a strong word, maybe too forceful would be more properly describe what I feel.
There are two kids in the movie, one is a girl, the other is a boy. Girl chose to be human in the end, vice versa for the boy. The mother showed great effort trying to hold on to him. But in the end, put a smile on her face, symbolizing her let go of her son. I just feel a tremendous sorrow for her. Because she put forth such effort to raise him. The boy is weak of the two, she always put more effort on him than his sister. Suddenly, he's gone, and left her without a some form of giving back. What I see is a Mother's tremendous love, but nothing from her son. The only thing I'd say is that her son is growing up, she's certain about it. The sister on the other hand chooses to be human. But when the emotion flared up, she resorted to the wolf form. Her mother always warned her about that side of herself. So when an incident happened, the confident inside of her waned. And this hiding adds tremendous pressure on her shoulder. But her mother did not have to worry about her. She comes to terms with is in the end. The movie is narrated by the girl.
I am writing so far, and could not but think to myself. How do I come to such thoughts? Because for these two days, I am in despair. Every holiday season is like this. What I am thinking is how come my sister can act upon her desire, although it might estrange the relation with Mom. But is this observation correct? I don't act upon my Mom's desires. I don't act upon my own either. The only thing left to act upon is basic instinct. But is this observation correct?
A movie like this cannot be viewed as merely entertainment. But since it cannot be just entertainment, I doubted I'd go back and watch it again... Kind heavy...
After watching it, I have a weird feeling that some Japanese movies emphasize on letting things go very strongly. Especially with Japanese animation. I always have this tremendous feeling of linger after watching many of their animations. But sometimes, I felt it was forced. It's unnatural. Unnatural is such a strong word, maybe too forceful would be more properly describe what I feel.
There are two kids in the movie, one is a girl, the other is a boy. Girl chose to be human in the end, vice versa for the boy. The mother showed great effort trying to hold on to him. But in the end, put a smile on her face, symbolizing her let go of her son. I just feel a tremendous sorrow for her. Because she put forth such effort to raise him. The boy is weak of the two, she always put more effort on him than his sister. Suddenly, he's gone, and left her without a some form of giving back. What I see is a Mother's tremendous love, but nothing from her son. The only thing I'd say is that her son is growing up, she's certain about it. The sister on the other hand chooses to be human. But when the emotion flared up, she resorted to the wolf form. Her mother always warned her about that side of herself. So when an incident happened, the confident inside of her waned. And this hiding adds tremendous pressure on her shoulder. But her mother did not have to worry about her. She comes to terms with is in the end. The movie is narrated by the girl.
I am writing so far, and could not but think to myself. How do I come to such thoughts? Because for these two days, I am in despair. Every holiday season is like this. What I am thinking is how come my sister can act upon her desire, although it might estrange the relation with Mom. But is this observation correct? I don't act upon my Mom's desires. I don't act upon my own either. The only thing left to act upon is basic instinct. But is this observation correct?
A movie like this cannot be viewed as merely entertainment. But since it cannot be just entertainment, I doubted I'd go back and watch it again... Kind heavy...
Monday, October 31, 2016
以前的日記
西元二零一三, 十月九日
上星期四去瑜珈之前, 先去投了一下籃. 場上已有三個人在玩. 我和其中一人去年玩過幾次, 今年都還未見過他.
我自己照自己的平常的計畫練習. 開始, 籃下 Mikan's 左右手鉤射. 再來是 stevenash's 底線投籃投進五十次. 進行到一半, 那三個人問我要不要玩比賽. 我只穿了涼鞋, 所以就拒絕了.
後來, 又來了兩個人, 他們又問我玩否? 去的那個人, 說, George, 你可以不用跑, 我們把球傳給你, 你射球就好. 他叫 Sean, 不過他記錯我名字了. 我和 Sean 還有另一個最高壯的人一對, 我倆身材都小. 這場比賽還蠻好玩的.
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上星期四去瑜珈之前, 先去投了一下籃. 場上已有三個人在玩. 我和其中一人去年玩過幾次, 今年都還未見過他.
我自己照自己的平常的計畫練習. 開始, 籃下 Mikan's 左右手鉤射. 再來是 stevenash's 底線投籃投進五十次. 進行到一半, 那三個人問我要不要玩比賽. 我只穿了涼鞋, 所以就拒絕了.
後來, 又來了兩個人, 他們又問我玩否? 去的那個人, 說, George, 你可以不用跑, 我們把球傳給你, 你射球就好. 他叫 Sean, 不過他記錯我名字了. 我和 Sean 還有另一個最高壯的人一對, 我倆身材都小. 這場比賽還蠻好玩的.
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Sunday, October 09, 2016
a moment of rarity these days
1. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary. It's a 3 day event, from Thur to Saturday(092902016 ~ 10012016). I did not want to go when they announced the event. But I told my mom that I going to give my resignation after the event. It really upset her. So I decided I will go instead, just to show her that I would stay, while looking for other opportunity.
2. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I drove up to North Woodstock, NH with Grace, company rent a few units in Deer Park Resort. I stayed in a unit with Tom Zhang, CY Chang, Angus, Vic, and Anne. The resort was quite pretty, neatly arranged, surrounded by a river, with creeks running through.
3.I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I prepped a coupled dishes to bring to the event. One was 紅白蘿蔔和小黃瓜泡菜, and the other was Vodka, soy sauce, brown sugar chicken wings(learned from Bob). The first one was a failure at first. I did it too late, like started on Wednesday... So I only brought the chicken wing. I planned banana bread as well. However, I bought the banana too late, for the banana were not ripe enough... lol
4. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. The days lead up to the event, Phil and other people started to get excited. Phil asked me once, if I was going or not, and was I excited? I complained a little, not looking forward to the event, and pointed out that the company is not even paying us breakfast and lunch... And on top of all these, the forecast was not favorable either! He said I am a Debbie Downer... lol That was the new words I learned that day. lol
5. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. A few weeks ago, Sofiya invited me to her home, to see her newly finished basement. When her husband came home, he immediately offered me alcohol drinks. Sofiya stopped him, and I myself declined as well. It's kind funny, how quickly Sofiya learned about me. She's perceptive. lol At time of my leave, Ivan, Sofiya's hubby, asked me if I was going to the event. I said no. They both thought it's impossible for me not to go... Well, they were right.
6. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I was planning to go to Monadnock Mountain with Mae Han on Saturday(10012016). She was the only few in the company that's not going to the event. She said somebody told her, She can't go with her daughter, so she decided to stay behind. We checked the weather for that week, it did not look good, raining and cold. We decided to forego the plan. I felt sorry. Because I was trying to bail on her once a couple weeks ago. For Phil said he's trying to get everyone in the company to shoot at his gun club, hopefully the company would pay for everything. So naturally, I was excited. I debated with myself a 10 minutes and talked to Mae about canceling. Well, I felt so bad though... So at the end, I told her we will go. But the weather melted the plan... On top of that, it's stupid of me to think that company would pay for the expenses of gun club... lol Phil's wishful thinking, my greedy attempt... le sigh. lol
7. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. Grace asked me if I was going to the event 4 days before the trip. I wondered about her not going or not. I thought I heard she saying not going. But she was frustrated to hell at the time because of her flooded apartment. It was restored to the normal just 1.5, or 2 weeks ago. She decided to get on board. Of course I will drive Grace.
8. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. Jo got a bunch of stuff, and asked me if I could carry those things into the mountain. I told her, yeah, I could carry some. Then she asked Vic, if they could carried some as well. Vic said, sure. She did emphasized that people who carried all the cooler, volleyball net, needed to be at destination early. Well, I made it there second the last. Vic was the last... lol He even got a huge speeding ticket. le sigh, Company colleagues chipped for the fine though. But Jo said I will be off the logistic duty from now on. lol I did asked Phil and Sofiya to take part in the action... It's just that they did not take the cooler and volleyball net setup... lol
9. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. It was hectic on Thursday, we were trying to ship so many things out. And we only had half day. Somebody needed to stay until the freight was picked up. That was the presumption before Thursday. It turned out to be an huge underestimation. Because we have to ship unusually huge amount of packages through Fedex and UPS ground. Some of them were big and heavy. George was nominated for waiting the freight truck. Upon hearing that he will have wait for the Fedex and UPS, which usually came after 3, he was very disappointed. He called his wife, and probably informed his mom and mother in law. Kate, his wife must be mad. Vic suggested that he could dropped the packages himself to the Fedex and UPS store. So he did not need to wait for the drivers. He immediately put that into action. The packages filled his car to the to and bottom, front and back. It's lucky that he did not drive his Lexus here that day. Anyway, he determined, probably don't matter which car it was .
10. Vic cut my hair towards the end on Thursday. He spent 30 minutes, he is such a perfectionist. The hair looked nice, but it looked just like his... lol
11. We finally get to the resort. For this trip, I even got a transponder for EZ pass. I know there's toll, but I was surprised there's only 1 toll... lol The weather was really nice, sunny and blue sky. When me and Grace get to there, almost everyone was there already. The grill was firing. People are chatting, drinking. Young people like CJ, CY, Angus, and Harris & Mandy(Harris's girlfriend) were laughing. Angus immediately asked Tom for the key to rent a basketball. Then later, we ate, some people drank. The beef patty was nice. Jeanie's rice was really great this time. Later, when people really started to drink, CJ and her bunch took care of the young kids, Sofia's twin, and Bella. We stayed in the tennis court until dark. CJ and CY's mom came playing as tennis as well. In many ways, I felt CJ and CY are very different from their mother. But when I saw that she wanted to play, I felt, maybe there must be some parts I did not see.
12. On the tennis court, while running around with Sofiya's twin, Timon and Maria, and Alex's daughter, Bella. I had interesting conversation with Bella. I don't know what led to the subject. But she mentioned that her father was very strict at home. I was not surprised. Alex seemed to be mellow at first glance. But by these few years, I know he's quick, smart, strict, and in some ways, very direct. He knows how to establish dominance. But hearing from his daughter, it is very interesting. I told her the usual, it's because her father loves her. But deep down, I really felt a bit sorry for her. Strict is one thing. Everytime I saw Bella, I felt she's alone. I know her father loves her, I can feel it. But Alex is not a person of intimacy. Usually, Bella's mother would provide the intimacy. But she's gone. A stepmom is in place, but she's young and inexperienced. On top of that new mother got her own kid now. I hope she'd be fine. I really hope so. She's smart, I can immediately see that. I hope she will be fine.
13. There's a lake in the resort. When I first laid my eyes on it, I loved it. It's a jewel in the middle of the woods. When the night came, the night sky shone upon the lake. You could almost see the Milky way. I immediately decided to swim in the lake. So the next day, I got up at 430, hoping to swim in the lake early in the morning. But my gosh, it's cold outside. I went out for a walk. Those youngsters laughed when they awoke, "Jack is an old man" they said, "he got up at don't know how early, and took a walk..." lol. By 8.00, CJ came down from the third floor and gathered the youngsters and I to have breakfast in their unit. They brought a feast! There's sushi, Chinese bread rolls, all kinds of berries, anyway, it was eye popping! lol After the breakfast, we played a table top game, Chinese one, it's called "風聲". I was excited. Since I did not have much experience with Chinese card games before. Wow, it's was really hard. Tom cannot stop asking questions,but after a few rounds, he started to get a hang of it. I still could not. For I feel like I could not guess who's my teammate, and who's not. I started to draw back from the game... lol Anyway, after 10, I decided it's warm enough outside, all of us went to swim. CY wanted to go with me in the lake at first. He even did warm up with me for 10 minutes. It's too cold... So only I went in. The water was still too cold. After one lap, I had enough. So I went to the indoor pool with other people. Even inside, I was still shaking. We played 騎馬打仗. I tried to carry Harry on my should, I could not, he's too muscular... lol At lunch, Jeanie said she's scared that I might cramp and drown. There's ain't no body could save me.
14. We were playing Volleyball. I think Jo really like to create a feeling of everybody playing together. Volleyball was the way to go. I was tired. So I came into the game late. But what a luck, the ball just past me and went into the lake. While I was still wondering what to do. CJ immediately took off her shoes and socks and went into the lake to get the ball. The only thing I was thinking was why didn't I think of that... That girl can take action quickly! le sigh.
15. The dinner of that night was the main event. Company hosting in a restaurant, country style restaurant. A lot of food, all kinds of meat, except pork. They were pretty good. But my gosh people started to drink, especially engineers. Before we gathered in Wayne's unit after dinner. CJ and CY was already half drunk.
16. Tom needed to leave after the dinner, so I drove CY, Angus, and Wayne back. Harry was driving with his girlfriend and right in front of me. He must have heard that I was not sure where to go. He led me to Wayne's place and left. I was impressed. The last time I went to Monadnock mountain with him and CY, he helped a kid with nose bleed. And now this voluntary lead to help his fellow men. You gotta love that guy.
17. In the Wayne's unit, they started to play drinking game. All the youngsters and Alex and John joined. Beer was drunk like water. Then, Phil served up tequila shots with salt on the rims and lime for the after taste. After that it was 15 years scotch. CJ was so drunk. Actually, almost every youngsters were drunk, except Angus. CJ was hugging every youngsters and try to kiss Mandy, CY told me, CJ was not drunk; and he himself just got weak knees, that's all. Everything's cool... :p In the game, John kept pushing Mandy, I though Mandy would be the first to go. But it turned out that Harry was the first one to throw up. Alex was very experienced, after the first throw up, he had me to dump it into toilet, otherwise, that smell alone could induce everyone to throw up. Then CJ started to throw up. She did so badly, but she said that it's her second time this year. She became weak, she started to feel a bit down. I've known she's that feeling the paintball game. She was saying that she's missed her boyfriend. She was saying it while Alex holding the container. I was trying to get her hair away from the throw up. I told her I know you missed him. And Alex said I am going to Taiwan next week, I will tell your boyfriend. Finally she calm down and decided to sleep on the floor in Wayne' s unit. Everyone knows CJ's situation. She's lying fast asleep besides Mandy, who's so drunk, started to talk randomly. Harry was besides her, watching intently. Then, while Alex and everyone was talking about their first drunk experience, Mandy thew up, the last one was CY, he felt something coming, went into rest room, but I have to use the toilet to flush out Mandy's dinner. Well,CY is in the prime spot for the smell. Anyway, CY, CJ, Harry, and Mandy slept in Wayne's unit. I left with Angus.
18. I did many things in this outing, that I never did before. Like smoking Cigars, and even 麻大. Did not feel anything though, I mean from 麻大. Cigar burnt a little. Did not taste good either... This time though I did not cough.
19. The next day, I took my early walk as usual. I met John, he's going to get MacDonald. I went with him, in his fancy BMW i8. I don't even know how to open the door. He checked the bag and receipt before he drove away from the drive through window. It must be weird that I wrote it down here. But it's just a reminder for myself. Even, he, checked it. It's a habit and I need to learn!
20. I went back, CY was already in the room. CJ came down not long after I got home. We went up for breakfast. We were talking about going to Mt. Washington. But it turned out that her uncle got a cold and need to go home early.
21. I told Jeanie what happened last night, she's all laughing. I guess it's happened a few times to themselves as well. It's really new to me though. Jeanie then suggested that I and Grace to go to Mt. Washington Hotel, she said we should use valet parking, and have a lunch over there. Although it's a 5 star hotel, it's not that expensive. We did what she told us. It was a very nice experience. The hotel itself is quite impressive. There were some real foliage around the hotel.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My mom is coming back tomorrow. I seemed to have a moment of breaking down though. For this reason, Ｉ am not interested to find out why. I am only interested in find out how to avoid at all cost. And remember it's the videos that I needed to avoid, not the action itself. Because remember it's been 14 years. I have a rich well inside of me. Right now it's time to kill the stream and see if it'd dry up!
If I was alone, and in need to sleep, do not fret, but go to sleep. let go of whatever was at hand!!!!
This is not to say that I don't want to find out the reason. But the reason is so illusive. There's one thing I want to keep in mind, why is it being correct so important to me?! I want to constantly asking, reminding myself of that question. Don't be quick to write the answer to the stone. But keep asking!
2. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I drove up to North Woodstock, NH with Grace, company rent a few units in Deer Park Resort. I stayed in a unit with Tom Zhang, CY Chang, Angus, Vic, and Anne. The resort was quite pretty, neatly arranged, surrounded by a river, with creeks running through.
3.I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I prepped a coupled dishes to bring to the event. One was 紅白蘿蔔和小黃瓜泡菜, and the other was Vodka, soy sauce, brown sugar chicken wings(learned from Bob). The first one was a failure at first. I did it too late, like started on Wednesday... So I only brought the chicken wing. I planned banana bread as well. However, I bought the banana too late, for the banana were not ripe enough... lol
4. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. The days lead up to the event, Phil and other people started to get excited. Phil asked me once, if I was going or not, and was I excited? I complained a little, not looking forward to the event, and pointed out that the company is not even paying us breakfast and lunch... And on top of all these, the forecast was not favorable either! He said I am a Debbie Downer... lol That was the new words I learned that day. lol
5. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. A few weeks ago, Sofiya invited me to her home, to see her newly finished basement. When her husband came home, he immediately offered me alcohol drinks. Sofiya stopped him, and I myself declined as well. It's kind funny, how quickly Sofiya learned about me. She's perceptive. lol At time of my leave, Ivan, Sofiya's hubby, asked me if I was going to the event. I said no. They both thought it's impossible for me not to go... Well, they were right.
6. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I was planning to go to Monadnock Mountain with Mae Han on Saturday(10012016). She was the only few in the company that's not going to the event. She said somebody told her, She can't go with her daughter, so she decided to stay behind. We checked the weather for that week, it did not look good, raining and cold. We decided to forego the plan. I felt sorry. Because I was trying to bail on her once a couple weeks ago. For Phil said he's trying to get everyone in the company to shoot at his gun club, hopefully the company would pay for everything. So naturally, I was excited. I debated with myself a 10 minutes and talked to Mae about canceling. Well, I felt so bad though... So at the end, I told her we will go. But the weather melted the plan... On top of that, it's stupid of me to think that company would pay for the expenses of gun club... lol Phil's wishful thinking, my greedy attempt... le sigh. lol
7. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. Grace asked me if I was going to the event 4 days before the trip. I wondered about her not going or not. I thought I heard she saying not going. But she was frustrated to hell at the time because of her flooded apartment. It was restored to the normal just 1.5, or 2 weeks ago. She decided to get on board. Of course I will drive Grace.
8. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. Jo got a bunch of stuff, and asked me if I could carry those things into the mountain. I told her, yeah, I could carry some. Then she asked Vic, if they could carried some as well. Vic said, sure. She did emphasized that people who carried all the cooler, volleyball net, needed to be at destination early. Well, I made it there second the last. Vic was the last... lol He even got a huge speeding ticket. le sigh, Company colleagues chipped for the fine though. But Jo said I will be off the logistic duty from now on. lol I did asked Phil and Sofiya to take part in the action... It's just that they did not take the cooler and volleyball net setup... lol
9. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. It was hectic on Thursday, we were trying to ship so many things out. And we only had half day. Somebody needed to stay until the freight was picked up. That was the presumption before Thursday. It turned out to be an huge underestimation. Because we have to ship unusually huge amount of packages through Fedex and UPS ground. Some of them were big and heavy. George was nominated for waiting the freight truck. Upon hearing that he will have wait for the Fedex and UPS, which usually came after 3, he was very disappointed. He called his wife, and probably informed his mom and mother in law. Kate, his wife must be mad. Vic suggested that he could dropped the packages himself to the Fedex and UPS store. So he did not need to wait for the drivers. He immediately put that into action. The packages filled his car to the to and bottom, front and back. It's lucky that he did not drive his Lexus here that day. Anyway, he determined, probably don't matter which car it was .
10. Vic cut my hair towards the end on Thursday. He spent 30 minutes, he is such a perfectionist. The hair looked nice, but it looked just like his... lol
11. We finally get to the resort. For this trip, I even got a transponder for EZ pass. I know there's toll, but I was surprised there's only 1 toll... lol The weather was really nice, sunny and blue sky. When me and Grace get to there, almost everyone was there already. The grill was firing. People are chatting, drinking. Young people like CJ, CY, Angus, and Harris & Mandy(Harris's girlfriend) were laughing. Angus immediately asked Tom for the key to rent a basketball. Then later, we ate, some people drank. The beef patty was nice. Jeanie's rice was really great this time. Later, when people really started to drink, CJ and her bunch took care of the young kids, Sofia's twin, and Bella. We stayed in the tennis court until dark. CJ and CY's mom came playing as tennis as well. In many ways, I felt CJ and CY are very different from their mother. But when I saw that she wanted to play, I felt, maybe there must be some parts I did not see.
12. On the tennis court, while running around with Sofiya's twin, Timon and Maria, and Alex's daughter, Bella. I had interesting conversation with Bella. I don't know what led to the subject. But she mentioned that her father was very strict at home. I was not surprised. Alex seemed to be mellow at first glance. But by these few years, I know he's quick, smart, strict, and in some ways, very direct. He knows how to establish dominance. But hearing from his daughter, it is very interesting. I told her the usual, it's because her father loves her. But deep down, I really felt a bit sorry for her. Strict is one thing. Everytime I saw Bella, I felt she's alone. I know her father loves her, I can feel it. But Alex is not a person of intimacy. Usually, Bella's mother would provide the intimacy. But she's gone. A stepmom is in place, but she's young and inexperienced. On top of that new mother got her own kid now. I hope she'd be fine. I really hope so. She's smart, I can immediately see that. I hope she will be fine.
13. There's a lake in the resort. When I first laid my eyes on it, I loved it. It's a jewel in the middle of the woods. When the night came, the night sky shone upon the lake. You could almost see the Milky way. I immediately decided to swim in the lake. So the next day, I got up at 430, hoping to swim in the lake early in the morning. But my gosh, it's cold outside. I went out for a walk. Those youngsters laughed when they awoke, "Jack is an old man" they said, "he got up at don't know how early, and took a walk..." lol. By 8.00, CJ came down from the third floor and gathered the youngsters and I to have breakfast in their unit. They brought a feast! There's sushi, Chinese bread rolls, all kinds of berries, anyway, it was eye popping! lol After the breakfast, we played a table top game, Chinese one, it's called "風聲". I was excited. Since I did not have much experience with Chinese card games before. Wow, it's was really hard. Tom cannot stop asking questions,but after a few rounds, he started to get a hang of it. I still could not. For I feel like I could not guess who's my teammate, and who's not. I started to draw back from the game... lol Anyway, after 10, I decided it's warm enough outside, all of us went to swim. CY wanted to go with me in the lake at first. He even did warm up with me for 10 minutes. It's too cold... So only I went in. The water was still too cold. After one lap, I had enough. So I went to the indoor pool with other people. Even inside, I was still shaking. We played 騎馬打仗. I tried to carry Harry on my should, I could not, he's too muscular... lol At lunch, Jeanie said she's scared that I might cramp and drown. There's ain't no body could save me.
14. We were playing Volleyball. I think Jo really like to create a feeling of everybody playing together. Volleyball was the way to go. I was tired. So I came into the game late. But what a luck, the ball just past me and went into the lake. While I was still wondering what to do. CJ immediately took off her shoes and socks and went into the lake to get the ball. The only thing I was thinking was why didn't I think of that... That girl can take action quickly! le sigh.
15. The dinner of that night was the main event. Company hosting in a restaurant, country style restaurant. A lot of food, all kinds of meat, except pork. They were pretty good. But my gosh people started to drink, especially engineers. Before we gathered in Wayne's unit after dinner. CJ and CY was already half drunk.
16. Tom needed to leave after the dinner, so I drove CY, Angus, and Wayne back. Harry was driving with his girlfriend and right in front of me. He must have heard that I was not sure where to go. He led me to Wayne's place and left. I was impressed. The last time I went to Monadnock mountain with him and CY, he helped a kid with nose bleed. And now this voluntary lead to help his fellow men. You gotta love that guy.
17. In the Wayne's unit, they started to play drinking game. All the youngsters and Alex and John joined. Beer was drunk like water. Then, Phil served up tequila shots with salt on the rims and lime for the after taste. After that it was 15 years scotch. CJ was so drunk. Actually, almost every youngsters were drunk, except Angus. CJ was hugging every youngsters and try to kiss Mandy, CY told me, CJ was not drunk; and he himself just got weak knees, that's all. Everything's cool... :p In the game, John kept pushing Mandy, I though Mandy would be the first to go. But it turned out that Harry was the first one to throw up. Alex was very experienced, after the first throw up, he had me to dump it into toilet, otherwise, that smell alone could induce everyone to throw up. Then CJ started to throw up. She did so badly, but she said that it's her second time this year. She became weak, she started to feel a bit down. I've known she's that feeling the paintball game. She was saying that she's missed her boyfriend. She was saying it while Alex holding the container. I was trying to get her hair away from the throw up. I told her I know you missed him. And Alex said I am going to Taiwan next week, I will tell your boyfriend. Finally she calm down and decided to sleep on the floor in Wayne' s unit. Everyone knows CJ's situation. She's lying fast asleep besides Mandy, who's so drunk, started to talk randomly. Harry was besides her, watching intently. Then, while Alex and everyone was talking about their first drunk experience, Mandy thew up, the last one was CY, he felt something coming, went into rest room, but I have to use the toilet to flush out Mandy's dinner. Well,CY is in the prime spot for the smell. Anyway, CY, CJ, Harry, and Mandy slept in Wayne's unit. I left with Angus.
18. I did many things in this outing, that I never did before. Like smoking Cigars, and even 麻大. Did not feel anything though, I mean from 麻大. Cigar burnt a little. Did not taste good either... This time though I did not cough.
19. The next day, I took my early walk as usual. I met John, he's going to get MacDonald. I went with him, in his fancy BMW i8. I don't even know how to open the door. He checked the bag and receipt before he drove away from the drive through window. It must be weird that I wrote it down here. But it's just a reminder for myself. Even, he, checked it. It's a habit and I need to learn!
20. I went back, CY was already in the room. CJ came down not long after I got home. We went up for breakfast. We were talking about going to Mt. Washington. But it turned out that her uncle got a cold and need to go home early.
21. I told Jeanie what happened last night, she's all laughing. I guess it's happened a few times to themselves as well. It's really new to me though. Jeanie then suggested that I and Grace to go to Mt. Washington Hotel, she said we should use valet parking, and have a lunch over there. Although it's a 5 star hotel, it's not that expensive. We did what she told us. It was a very nice experience. The hotel itself is quite impressive. There were some real foliage around the hotel.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My mom is coming back tomorrow. I seemed to have a moment of breaking down though. For this reason, Ｉ am not interested to find out why. I am only interested in find out how to avoid at all cost. And remember it's the videos that I needed to avoid, not the action itself. Because remember it's been 14 years. I have a rich well inside of me. Right now it's time to kill the stream and see if it'd dry up!
If I was alone, and in need to sleep, do not fret, but go to sleep. let go of whatever was at hand!!!!
This is not to say that I don't want to find out the reason. But the reason is so illusive. There's one thing I want to keep in mind, why is it being correct so important to me?! I want to constantly asking, reminding myself of that question. Don't be quick to write the answer to the stone. But keep asking!
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
乎
I saw CJ's picture. she went back to TW. The first picture I saw, it saddened me. I know, I know, she looked happy, dressing in a night gawn, incredible beautiful, with her boyfriend, in a back drop of grand hotel. She's beautiful, with a her killer smile. I am not sure if it's jealous, or sadness. I kept reminding myself to be happy for her. I try very hard.
I saw her second picture, she's having a meal with her parents in a restaurant. She looked relaxed and happy. She's beautiful. It's always funny that she's always looked like a little girl when her parents are around. I like that. She loves her family very much. I like that very much. I wish I would be like that with my mom. But at the same time, won't worry her too much.
CJ is a woman, mature with her own intention and thoughts. I want to be happy for her. I am happy for her.
I saw her second picture, she's having a meal with her parents in a restaurant. She looked relaxed and happy. She's beautiful. It's always funny that she's always looked like a little girl when her parents are around. I like that. She loves her family very much. I like that very much. I wish I would be like that with my mom. But at the same time, won't worry her too much.
CJ is a woman, mature with her own intention and thoughts. I want to be happy for her. I am happy for her.
The projects lost
有多少夢想, 等著實現. 卻都只有開始, 和無聲無息的消逝.
那夢想激起了爆裂性的狂熱. 剎那間, 美好的結果似乎產出.
我眼睛, 嚮往著完美. 我的精神似乎已達到彼岸.
但是, 愚拙的肉體, 比蝸牛還慢.
緩慢的時間, 還有太陽的考驗, 耐力智力, 無聊的環境.
頭腦已到了彼岸, 但是, 剩下的軀體, 還在東西遊蕩.
放棄放棄, 頭腦拋棄了軀殼. 耳邊的風聲, 不絕.
風聲越來越大, 於是小船的沉溺, 不可避免.
於是, 剩下來的只有低迴沉吟,
後悔, 也只有如此. 而已, 而已.
-------------------------------------
有一次坐在舅舅車上, 好像是到他的房子去幫點忙. 在回家的路上, 我也忘記怎麼談到的. 他問我有無 trapped 的感覺. 我很了解他說啥, 也因此, 我覺得可能有. 可是我回答說, 沒有. 他自己卻說, 他感覺他自己有一點這種感覺. 然後又說了類似, 他好像有很多想做的事情, 都沒有做. 言下之意, 很有追悔的意思. 很奇怪的, 我覺得他說啥, 我都好像可以了解... 那是好幾年前了.
我真的常常是如此. 有很多想做的事, 起了一些頭. 沒有一個是完成的. 我現在在倉庫裏工作, 我覺得我是如此的認真工作. 一早到, 就開始寫下今天可能要做的事. 開始工作後, 也不斷增加或改寫這個清單. 我覺得我一定要像水一樣, 補我同事的不足之處. 所以從早到結束很少有坐下來的時候. 而且往往是小不拉嘰的事情. 之前的 Michelle 就笑我做的事, 不過是 chores... 我一聽很有道理.
自從聽到這話, 我覺得有點難過. 但是, 我依然如此行. 到現在, 我也不斷問我自己, 為啥? 為誰呢? 自家的生活起居, 我還遠遠沒有這個在意. 自己的夢想, 也似乎永遠不可能像這樣勤快, 耐心, 持久的做下去!? 這真是可悲的人生. 這也是一種不慎獨的情況吧? 生活起居, 要和媽媽合作, 如果這對我有困難. 那難道朝著夢想前行, 也無能為力嗎?
夢想的開始, 總是一股子熱情! 但是, 熱情啊, 來去如風. 好像情緒. 又好像美國下完雨的路面, 一下就乾了. 要堅持, 還需要設定固定時間, 和無論是理性還是非理性的堅持力!
不能放棄!
那夢想激起了爆裂性的狂熱. 剎那間, 美好的結果似乎產出.
我眼睛, 嚮往著完美. 我的精神似乎已達到彼岸.
但是, 愚拙的肉體, 比蝸牛還慢.
緩慢的時間, 還有太陽的考驗, 耐力智力, 無聊的環境.
頭腦已到了彼岸, 但是, 剩下的軀體, 還在東西遊蕩.
放棄放棄, 頭腦拋棄了軀殼. 耳邊的風聲, 不絕.
風聲越來越大, 於是小船的沉溺, 不可避免.
於是, 剩下來的只有低迴沉吟,
後悔, 也只有如此. 而已, 而已.
-------------------------------------
有一次坐在舅舅車上, 好像是到他的房子去幫點忙. 在回家的路上, 我也忘記怎麼談到的. 他問我有無 trapped 的感覺. 我很了解他說啥, 也因此, 我覺得可能有. 可是我回答說, 沒有. 他自己卻說, 他感覺他自己有一點這種感覺. 然後又說了類似, 他好像有很多想做的事情, 都沒有做. 言下之意, 很有追悔的意思. 很奇怪的, 我覺得他說啥, 我都好像可以了解... 那是好幾年前了.
我真的常常是如此. 有很多想做的事, 起了一些頭. 沒有一個是完成的. 我現在在倉庫裏工作, 我覺得我是如此的認真工作. 一早到, 就開始寫下今天可能要做的事. 開始工作後, 也不斷增加或改寫這個清單. 我覺得我一定要像水一樣, 補我同事的不足之處. 所以從早到結束很少有坐下來的時候. 而且往往是小不拉嘰的事情. 之前的 Michelle 就笑我做的事, 不過是 chores... 我一聽很有道理.
自從聽到這話, 我覺得有點難過. 但是, 我依然如此行. 到現在, 我也不斷問我自己, 為啥? 為誰呢? 自家的生活起居, 我還遠遠沒有這個在意. 自己的夢想, 也似乎永遠不可能像這樣勤快, 耐心, 持久的做下去!? 這真是可悲的人生. 這也是一種不慎獨的情況吧? 生活起居, 要和媽媽合作, 如果這對我有困難. 那難道朝著夢想前行, 也無能為力嗎?
夢想的開始, 總是一股子熱情! 但是, 熱情啊, 來去如風. 好像情緒. 又好像美國下完雨的路面, 一下就乾了. 要堅持, 還需要設定固定時間, 和無論是理性還是非理性的堅持力!
不能放棄!
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Monadnock mount.
I went to Monadnock mountain with my sister, PQ, two of their brothers, and two of my colleagues. My sister haven't slept well for the past week or so, but she insisted on going with us.
We were a bit late when we get there. All our companies were there already. My colleagues were Harry, the latest engineer in the company, and Chi-Yang Chang(CY, aka, Eon), CJ's brother. My sister and her husband's brothers were Gerry and Chong, both artists.
These were two distinctive groups, one was young, includes Harry and CY. The other were a bit seasoned. From the very start, H and CY already separated from the group, they went ahead. On the quarter way up, my sister had cramp, quite severely, I'd say. She still insisted on going up. A little bit way up, I suddenly had a feeling that my sister and PQ wanted to come, of course. But not as badly as I wanted for these past 2 months. I made arrangement with CJ once, but I eventually did not tell her. This can't happen with just her and I... I made the trip half way through one day alone, but my car broke down. I really want to come by myself for once. I decided to go up fast and come down fast as well, so that my sister would probably give up on getting to the top.
I chased after H and CY, without telling the 4 people below. I went as fast as I could. And I eventually found them on a big rock, snacking. They were young, H was even playing Pokemon Go along the way. CY seemed a bit tired, but still very much capable. His right knee bothered him quite a little. But his spirit remain high and strong, very much like his sister's temperament. Very good. These two youngsters never experience these sort of hiking. CY was texting me asking could he cook noodle on the top of the mountain... Hehehe. He made a rice roll himself in the end. Both ideas were probably from the manga series, (山與食欲與我)... Hehehe. H was smart, he froze some yogurt overnight, and bag them with some fruits! Clever fellow.
We brave ourselves to the top, the sun was pouring down on us, albeit a little bit windy. There were gnats, swarming the top! We quickly get off the top and find a nice place with a little pool and nice grassy land by the big rocks. Had our lunch, then I got a message, My sister and her group were about half way up, but decided to head down. So we quickly demolished our lunch and did a quick rest, and head down as well. CY's knee was not so good on the way down. But he was running, jumping, moving quickly. H moved steadily, often at his own pace, carefully. CY eventually used my stick a little bit. His knee could hardly bent. But what a guy, no complaint, and kept on going with brisk pace.
I guess I learned more about people in this trip than the past 30 days when I worked with these two. For example, we walked past a mother with a young kid, who was having a nose bleed. I noticed his discomfort and asked about it. Harry immediately gave some suggestion about tilting the head back a little, to help the clogging process. He talked in detail, like he had experience before. That's something new. CY was very tired, but still remain playful and high spirited. He often walked as the lead of all three.
When we got down, my sister and PQ were surprised to see us coming down so quickly. Later, we found out that it's Chong who's exhausted. And he and Gerry left early. We chat a little bit, and we even interacted with one group of people they were just preparing to ascending the mountain. They helped us to take a group photo. It was a great feeling to have strangers laughing and helping each other out. Gave me some kind of kindred spirit. But it's also because it was with my sister and PQ. They talked from their heart, they were not afraid to let laughter and chat affect the people around us. People in return, must felt the same way too, happy and open.
We tried to go to PQ's gyro place in nashua, NH. They lost the lease, so they closed down. Then my colleagues and us went to 老四川. After that, I even played a little tennis with PQ in Malden, since he was not that tired.
Side note, My uncle had difficulty walking, my mom now needed to watch my grandpa two nights now... I am not pissed at uncle, but the circumstance is really taxing to my mom. I will try to convince my mom to let me watch grandpa overnight... I am guess grandpa really don't like me... le sigh.
We were a bit late when we get there. All our companies were there already. My colleagues were Harry, the latest engineer in the company, and Chi-Yang Chang(CY, aka, Eon), CJ's brother. My sister and her husband's brothers were Gerry and Chong, both artists.
These were two distinctive groups, one was young, includes Harry and CY. The other were a bit seasoned. From the very start, H and CY already separated from the group, they went ahead. On the quarter way up, my sister had cramp, quite severely, I'd say. She still insisted on going up. A little bit way up, I suddenly had a feeling that my sister and PQ wanted to come, of course. But not as badly as I wanted for these past 2 months. I made arrangement with CJ once, but I eventually did not tell her. This can't happen with just her and I... I made the trip half way through one day alone, but my car broke down. I really want to come by myself for once. I decided to go up fast and come down fast as well, so that my sister would probably give up on getting to the top.
I chased after H and CY, without telling the 4 people below. I went as fast as I could. And I eventually found them on a big rock, snacking. They were young, H was even playing Pokemon Go along the way. CY seemed a bit tired, but still very much capable. His right knee bothered him quite a little. But his spirit remain high and strong, very much like his sister's temperament. Very good. These two youngsters never experience these sort of hiking. CY was texting me asking could he cook noodle on the top of the mountain... Hehehe. He made a rice roll himself in the end. Both ideas were probably from the manga series, (山與食欲與我)... Hehehe. H was smart, he froze some yogurt overnight, and bag them with some fruits! Clever fellow.
We brave ourselves to the top, the sun was pouring down on us, albeit a little bit windy. There were gnats, swarming the top! We quickly get off the top and find a nice place with a little pool and nice grassy land by the big rocks. Had our lunch, then I got a message, My sister and her group were about half way up, but decided to head down. So we quickly demolished our lunch and did a quick rest, and head down as well. CY's knee was not so good on the way down. But he was running, jumping, moving quickly. H moved steadily, often at his own pace, carefully. CY eventually used my stick a little bit. His knee could hardly bent. But what a guy, no complaint, and kept on going with brisk pace.
I guess I learned more about people in this trip than the past 30 days when I worked with these two. For example, we walked past a mother with a young kid, who was having a nose bleed. I noticed his discomfort and asked about it. Harry immediately gave some suggestion about tilting the head back a little, to help the clogging process. He talked in detail, like he had experience before. That's something new. CY was very tired, but still remain playful and high spirited. He often walked as the lead of all three.
When we got down, my sister and PQ were surprised to see us coming down so quickly. Later, we found out that it's Chong who's exhausted. And he and Gerry left early. We chat a little bit, and we even interacted with one group of people they were just preparing to ascending the mountain. They helped us to take a group photo. It was a great feeling to have strangers laughing and helping each other out. Gave me some kind of kindred spirit. But it's also because it was with my sister and PQ. They talked from their heart, they were not afraid to let laughter and chat affect the people around us. People in return, must felt the same way too, happy and open.
We tried to go to PQ's gyro place in nashua, NH. They lost the lease, so they closed down. Then my colleagues and us went to 老四川. After that, I even played a little tennis with PQ in Malden, since he was not that tired.
Side note, My uncle had difficulty walking, my mom now needed to watch my grandpa two nights now... I am not pissed at uncle, but the circumstance is really taxing to my mom. I will try to convince my mom to let me watch grandpa overnight... I am guess grandpa really don't like me... le sigh.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
loose package
We got a package back from customer. The label on the box showed it was refused by Alex, maybe he's customer's engineer. Vic saw the package and immediately said to me, the package needed to be packed correctly. If it's with trays, you will need to put a cardboard on the top tray, so it won't be all over the place while shipping.
I felt unease and checked the paperwork. It was from July 29 2016. Signed and dated by Vic. Somehow he sounded like I did it... I did not say anything but concede to him about packing boxes securely. Maybe he did not mean to accuse me of wrong shipping. Maybe he just parted his wisdom to me, the little grasshopper. Or maybe he just said it out loud to reminded himself again. Anyway, I felt slight disgust. Because I know I tried to packing everything as tightly as possible. I don't want to take the blame for what I did not do.
Two things here. One is that I did not react to his lecture. Why? Because I was afraid of him? No, but I really did not know how to put a words in here since I found out it's him who shipped the package. Second is I did not want to take the blame. Really did not want to!
Vic and I needed to count the pieces, we put every thing back from box to trays. Then Vic put them in the box and I put them to the corresponded area. Later, CJ came and showed me the trays. Wow, that was an eye opener. Vic taped and put a cover on tops of the tray, he made it so pretty! Almost like a Japanese gift! CJ wanted to know if this came in this condition. I said, No. It was with pieces loose in the box. And I told her we did not know the reason why this is returned. She left without saying much. But that was really an eye-opener.
I think Vic knows what happened when he saw the package. Otherwise, he won't spend that much effort on it. He lectured me, is just a way to shift focus from him to me. It's not the first time this happened. It won't be the last. There's something to be learned here though.
---------------------------
Never seen Sofia so excited about a job. She told me she's looking. And today she's talking about a job interview by phone. She's a smart and ambitious women. Great work ethic and everything else. If she really left before I did, I'd greatly miss her!!!
I felt unease and checked the paperwork. It was from July 29 2016. Signed and dated by Vic. Somehow he sounded like I did it... I did not say anything but concede to him about packing boxes securely. Maybe he did not mean to accuse me of wrong shipping. Maybe he just parted his wisdom to me, the little grasshopper. Or maybe he just said it out loud to reminded himself again. Anyway, I felt slight disgust. Because I know I tried to packing everything as tightly as possible. I don't want to take the blame for what I did not do.
Two things here. One is that I did not react to his lecture. Why? Because I was afraid of him? No, but I really did not know how to put a words in here since I found out it's him who shipped the package. Second is I did not want to take the blame. Really did not want to!
Vic and I needed to count the pieces, we put every thing back from box to trays. Then Vic put them in the box and I put them to the corresponded area. Later, CJ came and showed me the trays. Wow, that was an eye opener. Vic taped and put a cover on tops of the tray, he made it so pretty! Almost like a Japanese gift! CJ wanted to know if this came in this condition. I said, No. It was with pieces loose in the box. And I told her we did not know the reason why this is returned. She left without saying much. But that was really an eye-opener.
I think Vic knows what happened when he saw the package. Otherwise, he won't spend that much effort on it. He lectured me, is just a way to shift focus from him to me. It's not the first time this happened. It won't be the last. There's something to be learned here though.
---------------------------
Never seen Sofia so excited about a job. She told me she's looking. And today she's talking about a job interview by phone. She's a smart and ambitious women. Great work ethic and everything else. If she really left before I did, I'd greatly miss her!!!
Sunday, August 14, 2016
兩隻貓
大概有四五個星期了吧, 胡熒阿姨的公寓遭遇水災. 他樓上的鄰居淹水, 這水影響了四三二一樓的居民. 胡熒阿姨是三樓, 首當其衝. 從天花板到地板, 水電通通都斷了. 他自己都住在鄰居家, 他把貓, Ashby 放到我家來.
Ashby 不能上桌, 但是我家的貓可以. 於是 Ashby 就老在桌下叫個不停, 我們都在笑他在抱怨. 但是胡熒阿姨聽了, 有另一種說法. 他說 Roger 小的時候不准碰卡式錄音帶. 有一天, 胡熒阿姨帶著 Roger 到美容院. 胡熒阿姨正在剪頭髮的時候, 卻突然聽到 Roger 大叫, "媽媽打, 媽媽打!" 胡熒阿姨低頭一看, 原來美容院老闆的女兒拿著卡式錄音帶在玩!
胡熒阿姨說, Ashby 一定是對著寶寶在說著同樣的話, "媽媽打, 媽媽打!"
今天 Roger和 Becca來接 Ashby 回胡熒阿姨的公寓. 他的住處總算修好了. 我正在和他們聊一聊兩隻貓相處得如何. 媽媽一聽, 就說: "Ashby 一定是在說 '媽媽打, 媽媽打.'" 我有點怕 Roger 難為情,好像他媽媽把他小時候的事到處說...不過他還好. 笑笑就過了.
Ashby 不能上桌, 但是我家的貓可以. 於是 Ashby 就老在桌下叫個不停, 我們都在笑他在抱怨. 但是胡熒阿姨聽了, 有另一種說法. 他說 Roger 小的時候不准碰卡式錄音帶. 有一天, 胡熒阿姨帶著 Roger 到美容院. 胡熒阿姨正在剪頭髮的時候, 卻突然聽到 Roger 大叫, "媽媽打, 媽媽打!" 胡熒阿姨低頭一看, 原來美容院老闆的女兒拿著卡式錄音帶在玩!
胡熒阿姨說, Ashby 一定是對著寶寶在說著同樣的話, "媽媽打, 媽媽打!"
今天 Roger和 Becca來接 Ashby 回胡熒阿姨的公寓. 他的住處總算修好了. 我正在和他們聊一聊兩隻貓相處得如何. 媽媽一聽, 就說: "Ashby 一定是在說 '媽媽打, 媽媽打.'" 我有點怕 Roger 難為情,好像他媽媽把他小時候的事到處說...不過他還好. 笑笑就過了.
我想要
- 我想要我媽媽和我妹妹都可以過得好.
- 我希望我媽和我妹相處得好
- 我想要學日文
- 我想要學廣東話
- 我想要學德文
- 我想要學俄語
- 我想要做一間我喜歡的廁所
- 我想要我的院子漂亮
- 我想要我的院子充滿魚蟲花鳥
- 我想要我的車庫整齊清潔
- 我想要一部腳踏車
- 我想要一台可以玩遊戲的電腦
- 我想要玩 幕府全軍破敵二
- 我想要可以邊談吉他邊唱歌
- 我希望我可以有娶榕的能力
- 我希望我可以不自慚形穢
- 我希望我可繼續增加籃球的能力
- 我希望我會開手排
- 我希望我加深對車子的認識
- 我想學排球
- 我想學網球
- 我想學畫畫
- 我想整理自己的房間
- 我想要把字寫好
- 我想要把英文講好
- 我希望把中文講好
- 我希望自己在人前不要太奇怪
- 我希望跟我的貓咪每天都玩十分鐘
- 我想要做醫生
- 我想要去尋找我老爸的過去
- 我想跟我老爸說對不起
- 我想要跟牧望說說話
- 我想要離開馬斯康
- 我想要榕在我身邊
- 我希望榕過的開心, 滿足, 找到他的終身伴侶, 一起成長, 一起打拼
- 我希望我自己可以完成我自己
- 我希望知道自己想要甚麼
- 我希望自己不要害怕
- 我希望自己更強壯, 更勇敢
- 我想要學習怎麼投資
- 我想要整理一切可以稱作是自己的東西
- 我要在 ebay 上賣東西
- 我想要繼續塗鴉
- 我想要讀很多書
- 我想要看很多電影
- 我想要玩電腦遊戲
- 我希望我也可以穿出自己的風格
- 我希望學會如可持續的做一些事情, 而不是半途而廢
- 我想要會做木雕
- 我想要游泳
- 我想要會跳舞
- 我想要自己不要容易氣餒
- 我希望自己不需要凡事比較爭勝
- 我想要加深瑜珈的訓練
- 我想要加強自己的體能
- 我想要能夠拿得起放得下
- 我想要能夠清楚知道自己要甚麼
- 我想要加強我的決斷力
- 我想要增強我的集中力
- 我想要榕
- 我想要 fall in love and never get back up
- 我想要面對比我好的人卻不害怕他們
- 我想要勇敢做自己想要做的事
Thursday, August 11, 2016
我妹妹的故事
今天我回家後, 媽媽跟我說了一個小瑋的故事.
我們家以前不會包餛飩. 但是自從小瑋嫁給沛權後, 我們家也學會用冬菜和絞肉來包餛飩. 我們總是用市場買到的絞好的肉. 小瑋他們則不然, 他們一定是買 rib, 好像不是 spare ribs, 是有骨頭的那一種. 然後把肉切出來後, 交給絞肉機絞碎. 骨頭呢, 小瑋很聰明, 他拿來熬高湯. 往往一燒就是一個鐘點.
最近的某一天,他們家正吃著自家包的餛飩. 小瑋心血來潮的問沛權, 我這用排骨高湯熬的湯餛飩和平常只用醬油加開水的比起來怎樣啊? 沛權也不只怎的, 大概有點心不在焉, 說, "都很好啊." 小瑋聽了大不受用!
隔天, 小瑋又下了餛飩. 這次, 他只用白開水加醬油. 但是, 小瑋在吃的時候一句話也沒有說. 吃完了, 兩人有事要出去. 坐在車上好一陣子, 車子都很安靜. 突然, 沛權說, "還是有排骨高湯的好吃..."
我們家以前不會包餛飩. 但是自從小瑋嫁給沛權後, 我們家也學會用冬菜和絞肉來包餛飩. 我們總是用市場買到的絞好的肉. 小瑋他們則不然, 他們一定是買 rib, 好像不是 spare ribs, 是有骨頭的那一種. 然後把肉切出來後, 交給絞肉機絞碎. 骨頭呢, 小瑋很聰明, 他拿來熬高湯. 往往一燒就是一個鐘點.
最近的某一天,他們家正吃著自家包的餛飩. 小瑋心血來潮的問沛權, 我這用排骨高湯熬的湯餛飩和平常只用醬油加開水的比起來怎樣啊? 沛權也不只怎的, 大概有點心不在焉, 說, "都很好啊." 小瑋聽了大不受用!
隔天, 小瑋又下了餛飩. 這次, 他只用白開水加醬油. 但是, 小瑋在吃的時候一句話也沒有說. 吃完了, 兩人有事要出去. 坐在車上好一陣子, 車子都很安靜. 突然, 沛權說, "還是有排骨高湯的好吃..."
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Today's nonsense
SA is closing the store nationwide since couple weeks ago. I decided to take a look, at the same time, going to the Rockingham park mall to ask T-Mobile about new cell. I'd like to see a Surface pro4 too. Watched some youtube about it...
In the RPM, I was introduced in a cosmetic store. That sales person first gave me a sample, then had me sit down at the store to show me his product. Then he started to do a lot of sales pitch, selling me this manicure set. I bought one box set in the end. I know this is a mistake. But at the same time, I was cooking up excuses for me buying the set, like it's a gift for PL Ah Yi. Deep down though, I knew it's just excuse...
Anyway, from then on, I went to the SportsAuthority and found out that the stock is almost gone... So I frankly search for anything I could get. I got my hands on fleet throw, champion spandex-ish pants, basketball... But eventually, I set these all side, I got my mom a shoes, and myself a basketball shoes, which I told myself during this visit, I don't need a basketball shoes...
Anyway, the total expenses was 140+. The two shoes were flop, because the basketball shoes was an impulse buy. I was waiting in line with my mom's shoes, but suddenly I felt an urge to leave the line, and unsatisfied about something. I went towards the basketball shoes section and get the first one I saw and tried it on. The size was good, except a bit too narrow. But again, an impulse arose from nowhere, it's like something unsatisfied...
I went home afterwards, and found that nothing really satisfied, not even my mom's shoes. She insisted it's okay. But I know it's only barely. I even drove back to RPM trying to return the Manicure thing. Nay, it's not refundable.
I was very upset. I was very upset lately. Not just for this thing. But again and again, I act according my impulses, by speaking, by action, by many things. I know the plan, I couldn't stick to it. But at the same time, I know most plan are supposed to be thrown out when the real action started.
I need to know what I want, when I talk to people? But I need to learn tact without throwing refuses right at other people's faces. I have to refuse and hold on to my decision firmly for now without tact though...
I'm sad...
In the RPM, I was introduced in a cosmetic store. That sales person first gave me a sample, then had me sit down at the store to show me his product. Then he started to do a lot of sales pitch, selling me this manicure set. I bought one box set in the end. I know this is a mistake. But at the same time, I was cooking up excuses for me buying the set, like it's a gift for PL Ah Yi. Deep down though, I knew it's just excuse...
Anyway, from then on, I went to the SportsAuthority and found out that the stock is almost gone... So I frankly search for anything I could get. I got my hands on fleet throw, champion spandex-ish pants, basketball... But eventually, I set these all side, I got my mom a shoes, and myself a basketball shoes, which I told myself during this visit, I don't need a basketball shoes...
Anyway, the total expenses was 140+. The two shoes were flop, because the basketball shoes was an impulse buy. I was waiting in line with my mom's shoes, but suddenly I felt an urge to leave the line, and unsatisfied about something. I went towards the basketball shoes section and get the first one I saw and tried it on. The size was good, except a bit too narrow. But again, an impulse arose from nowhere, it's like something unsatisfied...
I went home afterwards, and found that nothing really satisfied, not even my mom's shoes. She insisted it's okay. But I know it's only barely. I even drove back to RPM trying to return the Manicure thing. Nay, it's not refundable.
I was very upset. I was very upset lately. Not just for this thing. But again and again, I act according my impulses, by speaking, by action, by many things. I know the plan, I couldn't stick to it. But at the same time, I know most plan are supposed to be thrown out when the real action started.
I need to know what I want, when I talk to people? But I need to learn tact without throwing refuses right at other people's faces. I have to refuse and hold on to my decision firmly for now without tact though...
I'm sad...
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
To memorialize a cup
I am throwing a cup out. This green cup has been my cup for brushing teeth since I had any memory of teeth and brushing.
My sister used to have one such cup when she's younger. But she use a different one now. My mom bought things for us, she never had a cup of her own. I don't know the reason why I kept this cup for such a long time. I just never cared about which cup I used, I guess. I do like this green cup though.
It's a plastic cup, perfect size for brushing teeth. It's weight like a feather. It's kind dirty on the outside, and there are some bumps and on the bottom. But it's quite perfect at the opening. It has sticker, I never peeled off. It said W-3, W-cup, Natural Color, 台南, 穩泰. I guess it was where it was made. And I think it's unique that I keep it for such a long time.
The reason I am considering to throw it out is actually two. The first one is that it's plastic. The second one is that I want to make some changes around myself.
It's trivial matters though... le sigh.
My sister used to have one such cup when she's younger. But she use a different one now. My mom bought things for us, she never had a cup of her own. I don't know the reason why I kept this cup for such a long time. I just never cared about which cup I used, I guess. I do like this green cup though.
It's a plastic cup, perfect size for brushing teeth. It's weight like a feather. It's kind dirty on the outside, and there are some bumps and on the bottom. But it's quite perfect at the opening. It has sticker, I never peeled off. It said W-3, W-cup, Natural Color, 台南, 穩泰. I guess it was where it was made. And I think it's unique that I keep it for such a long time.
The reason I am considering to throw it out is actually two. The first one is that it's plastic. The second one is that I want to make some changes around myself.
It's trivial matters though... le sigh.
After bowling
I went to bowling with company colleagues last Friday. It was great. But it was horrible over the weekend. My heart was completely stocked with CJ's images. I was crying on the way home from bowling. Right at the end of the game, my heart sank. I can't remember how many times I cried because my head just filled with her images.
CJ was very good at bowling. I know she liked it, that's why I called for it at the end of last year. But I was horrible at arranging outings like this, it takes Da Wei to make the outing come true. And at last, I finally saw her in action...
We went to Lao Xi An for dinner. Me, Tom, Tom's girl friend(Liu Wen), George went to pick CJ's cousin and cousin's boy friend with CJ. It was always a riot with CJ and George. CJ's sister(cousin) had a shining eyes. They both wore, black pants, and white tops. CJ looked good.
We arrived at bowling at 7. We played until 9ish. My mind just go blank, when I want to write this stuff down....
I want to tell her that I like her...really really really like her, really.! I can't contain with myself. I cried a second time on Sunday while doing laundry. I really wish to hug her and give her a big kiss. But what's the difference between that and how I treat my cat? My sister asked me then what? I still can't answer. It made me look at myself more closely? No! I already told my sis, I will not make a move. I constantly tell myself that CJ and I are way different. I am just lonely. She like a life which I can't provide. I even once dreamed a dream that she was buying a band name bag, I laughed myself out of that dream. That's how much I know here. I don't really know her. But I know myself. And I hate myself. I absolutely hate myself.
I spend half my awaken time trying hard to snap myself out of self loathing and wake myself from staring CJ's images in my mind. When we were playing bowling. She sat tightly with me sometimes. My heart almost melted. I pretend to let other people sit, trying to get out of the situation. Otherwise I just want to put my arms around her and kiss her. Nono, what should I do? I kept saying it's not fair... I pine for someone, and someone did not feel a thing... Why am I sad? I looked around I have everything...
During the dinner, CJ was teasing Tom, because his girlfriend was going back to China. CJ mentioned long distance relationship. Then her sis reminded her, who is doing the long distance relationship. I reminded myself often about that fact. I admire that CJ is doing that.
But I am insanely jealous. Insanely.
CJ was very good at bowling. I know she liked it, that's why I called for it at the end of last year. But I was horrible at arranging outings like this, it takes Da Wei to make the outing come true. And at last, I finally saw her in action...
We went to Lao Xi An for dinner. Me, Tom, Tom's girl friend(Liu Wen), George went to pick CJ's cousin and cousin's boy friend with CJ. It was always a riot with CJ and George. CJ's sister(cousin) had a shining eyes. They both wore, black pants, and white tops. CJ looked good.
We arrived at bowling at 7. We played until 9ish. My mind just go blank, when I want to write this stuff down....
I want to tell her that I like her...really really really like her, really.! I can't contain with myself. I cried a second time on Sunday while doing laundry. I really wish to hug her and give her a big kiss. But what's the difference between that and how I treat my cat? My sister asked me then what? I still can't answer. It made me look at myself more closely? No! I already told my sis, I will not make a move. I constantly tell myself that CJ and I are way different. I am just lonely. She like a life which I can't provide. I even once dreamed a dream that she was buying a band name bag, I laughed myself out of that dream. That's how much I know here. I don't really know her. But I know myself. And I hate myself. I absolutely hate myself.
I spend half my awaken time trying hard to snap myself out of self loathing and wake myself from staring CJ's images in my mind. When we were playing bowling. She sat tightly with me sometimes. My heart almost melted. I pretend to let other people sit, trying to get out of the situation. Otherwise I just want to put my arms around her and kiss her. Nono, what should I do? I kept saying it's not fair... I pine for someone, and someone did not feel a thing... Why am I sad? I looked around I have everything...
During the dinner, CJ was teasing Tom, because his girlfriend was going back to China. CJ mentioned long distance relationship. Then her sis reminded her, who is doing the long distance relationship. I reminded myself often about that fact. I admire that CJ is doing that.
But I am insanely jealous. Insanely.
Monday, March 21, 2016
丟掉一些東西前
我記錄一些隨手寫的文字. 都是很簡單的想法. 然後我可以把這些筆記或著記事本丟了.
貓咪貓咪小貓咪
喵喵叫想要吃, 想要跳?
一隻坐著大大眼睛望著你
一隻豎著尾巴, 磨磳, 磨磳,
原來是想吃東西.
--------------------------------------
昨天做了一個夢, 夢中我伸出手去握一個我喜歡的女生的手. 結果突然發現不對. 原來, 東東也睡在被窩裡, 我還真的伸手我握住他的兩隻手, 我突然醒來, 他也被我驚醒兒跳出被窩! 很好笑
三月十一日, 2010
--------------------------------------
方孝孺和唐順之, 一個說豫讓, 三諫不從, 當伏劍而死; 一說信陵和如姬當死於王前; 還要加一個王世貞, 他也是藺相如就死...
全是明朝的文字...
------------------------------------
貓咪貓咪小貓咪
喵喵叫想要吃, 想要跳?
一隻坐著大大眼睛望著你
一隻豎著尾巴, 磨磳, 磨磳,
原來是想吃東西.
--------------------------------------
昨天做了一個夢, 夢中我伸出手去握一個我喜歡的女生的手. 結果突然發現不對. 原來, 東東也睡在被窩裡, 我還真的伸手我握住他的兩隻手, 我突然醒來, 他也被我驚醒兒跳出被窩! 很好笑
三月十一日, 2010
--------------------------------------
方孝孺和唐順之, 一個說豫讓, 三諫不從, 當伏劍而死; 一說信陵和如姬當死於王前; 還要加一個王世貞, 他也是藺相如就死...
全是明朝的文字...
------------------------------------
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Some thoughts
deadpool:
This is indeed a very fun movie. a lot of action, and the protagonist is really flashed out. the action scene of the high way was very impressive. the whole thing was very raw, i mean it's takes no side steps, from dirty words to violence. the love story was the anchor, the revenge was the energy to move the story forward. i don't particularly like the main actor, but he did a great job here.
------------------
white god:
it's a hungarian movie about dogs, especially mutts. there're some parts of the story that reminded me of the call of wild. but it turns out an alright movie. I liked the ending. i did not think the dog would want to attack the little girl, that bid came as a surprise to me. I liked the way conflict raised at the end, and how it was handled.
i found that in many ways, american movie was more wordy than the rest of the world. in someway... don't know why.
--------------------
聶隱娘
看不懂,看了一半就看不下去了... 首先, 沒有字幕, 實在聽不大懂他們在講啥. 再來, 整部戲靜的可以, 而且所有的演員都不知道在幹嘛...
------------------
spectre
it was a fun action flick. the last female character reminded me of eva green's character. but somehow, i still like eva's better.
-------------------
steve jobs
with michael fassbender. the movie was quite alright. the actor was immense. i felt he caught the intensity of steve jobs, at least that's what everybody who don't really know him personally would like to think.
-------------------
I read 3 chapters of great soul of siberia. the writing is really good. I liked the story of the monk ignored the bird's nest, and birds ignored the monk, then, the birds flourished.
-------------------
This is indeed a very fun movie. a lot of action, and the protagonist is really flashed out. the action scene of the high way was very impressive. the whole thing was very raw, i mean it's takes no side steps, from dirty words to violence. the love story was the anchor, the revenge was the energy to move the story forward. i don't particularly like the main actor, but he did a great job here.
------------------
white god:
it's a hungarian movie about dogs, especially mutts. there're some parts of the story that reminded me of the call of wild. but it turns out an alright movie. I liked the ending. i did not think the dog would want to attack the little girl, that bid came as a surprise to me. I liked the way conflict raised at the end, and how it was handled.
i found that in many ways, american movie was more wordy than the rest of the world. in someway... don't know why.
--------------------
聶隱娘
看不懂,看了一半就看不下去了... 首先, 沒有字幕, 實在聽不大懂他們在講啥. 再來, 整部戲靜的可以, 而且所有的演員都不知道在幹嘛...
------------------
spectre
it was a fun action flick. the last female character reminded me of eva green's character. but somehow, i still like eva's better.
-------------------
steve jobs
with michael fassbender. the movie was quite alright. the actor was immense. i felt he caught the intensity of steve jobs, at least that's what everybody who don't really know him personally would like to think.
-------------------
I read 3 chapters of great soul of siberia. the writing is really good. I liked the story of the monk ignored the bird's nest, and birds ignored the monk, then, the birds flourished.
-------------------
Wednesday, March 09, 2016
Cooking concept from CI
The concepts are from the science of good cooking, by cook's illustrated.
1. Gentle Heats prevents overcooking.
For large roasts, where exterior meat can easily overcook and dry out before the center reaches the target temp. Low heat is the way to go. It also retains juices in the meat. But moisture retention has its downside, the interior may look pale. (see concept 5.)
2. High heats develops flavor
Maillard reaction(the French scientist Louis-Camille Maillard)
3. Resting heat maximizes juiciness
Different size of meat, and different method of cooking the meat, will effect the optimal resting time. The hotter the heat, the more resting time might benefit.
4. Hot food keeps cooking
The size of the the food, and the amount of heat used for cooking matters. big chunk of heat will retain more energy in the interior, than say a pork chop. 400 degree will put out more heat than 200 degree, thus after the food left the stove, the internal temp will have effect.
5. Some proteins are best cooked twice
Stove top cooking, like searing, gives out great heat in one direction, downside, moisture loss; oven cooking is slow but promote even heat, and retain moisture better. How to combine the two is essential.
6. Slow heating makes meat tender
The internal temperature is not the sole factor for how tender the meat is, but enzyme in meat, (cathepsins) will help break down the meat tissue to make it tender. But the temperature have to be held below 122 degree F, for long time.
7. Cook tough cuts beyond well done
Tough cuts(like pork tenderloin) has little collagens. By cooking them beyond well down, the collagens will be converted to gelatin, which can hold 10 times of moisture in weight compared to 1 gelatin. Thus makes meat more tender.
8. Tough cuts like a covered pots
Braising works by long cooking time and low heat. It changes the texture of the meat so it taste soft and tender, which makes meat seem moist.
9. A covered pot doesn't need liquid
This one is talking about Dry Braising in the oven, with a covered pot.
10. Bones add flavor, fat, and juiciness
Talking about meat cooked with bone-in.
11. Brining maximizes juiciness in lean meats
Brining meat changes it's structure of protein, which makes meat more tender, retain more moisture, and salt penetrate meat deeper.
12. Salt makes meat juicy and skin crisp
Brine meat makes skin hard to be crispy and browned. So sometimes, dry salted meat provides different perspective.
13. Salty marinades work best
Salt penetrate further than any other marinades ingredients. Most of the other ingredients could only affect the surface. One of the best marinades is soy sauce based, because of it's salty contents.
14. Grind meat at home for tender burger
Home ground meat gives us more choice on textures, fat contents, and flavors. These elements depend on the cut of meat we choose, how fine we want to grind the meat, and how tightly we want to pack our ground meat. (Cut the cut of meat to pieces, then put in the freezer for 20-30 minutes, then we can grind them in the food processor. The book recommend the chuck for best ground beef patties, sirloin comes the second, round is the worst.)
15. A panade keeps ground meat tender
In the book, what they called panade, is a mixture of white bread and milk, mashed up together and becomes homogeneous. Basically, adding starch into the ground beef, along with milk, which contains lactose, which is sugar and can help browning the beef patties.
16. Create layers for a breading that sticks
The standard procedure for breading the meat(pork chops or chicken breast), (or coating), flour, egg, then bread crumbs still holds true! The alternative is switch flour to cornstarch, then swap eggs for buttermilk. Buttermilk can create a lighter coating compared to egg's sometimes hefty presence.
17. Good frying is all about oil temperature
Frying at 325 degree for french fries is recommended. Frying oil have at least 5 stages, each stage can produce different results. Five stage of frying oil: break-in(too fresh), fresh, optimum, degrading, and runaway(dark, smelly, and prove to smoking). The book recommend a mix of 1 used frying oil to 5 fresh frying oil. Store the frying oil in air tight container in refrigerator,or in a freezer. Note: Exposure to air and light hasten the rate of oxidative rancidification and the creation of off flavor and odors. But by experimenting between storing in dark cardboard, refrigerator, and freezer for two months, the oil from freezer wins hands down! So cold temperature is also a huge factor in storing frying oil!
18. Fat makes eggs tender
On making an omelet, frozen cubed butter in eggs can slow down the coagulation of protein in eggs during cooking. This will result a tender omelet in texture.
19. Gentle heat guarantees smooth custards
Custards is a mixture of milk, or cream and egg yolk. It's main use is for dessert. Because of the different temperatures of coagulation pf egg yolk and white, a low and slow heating for custards becomes necessary. The book even suggested water bath method, called bain-marie. Because water's boiling point never exceeds 212 degrees F, plus the moisture, it's a good way to be egg based dessert creamy and smooth on the surface.
20. Starch keeps eggs from curdling
One more way to keep eggs based dessert from curdling.
21. Whippped egg whites need stabilizers
The cream of tartar, an acid, can alter the electric charge on the proteins of the egg whites, in tern reducing the interaction between protein and molecules. Although this delays the formation of the foam, the result is a much more stable, and hold more water as well. The other thing for whipped egg whites is the timing of adding sugar. Adding too early, the foam will be hard to form, adding too late, then there would be little sugar left for sugar to dissolve.
22. Starch helps cheese melt nicely
Used in anything with a cheese sauce, like macaroni and cheese to lasagna.
23. Salting vegetables removes liquid
No explanation needed...
24. Green vegetables like it hot--then cold
To keep the color? Can be related to Concept 4.
25. All potatoes are not created equal
They tested red bliss, yukon golds, and russets. Russets has more starch, they can absorb more water, best for mashed potatoes; the red bliss is on the other end of spectrum, easily holds its shape, absorb less water than russets, best for potato salads. Yukon is right in the middle. There's also two different kind of starches involved, Russets has more amylose, red bliss more amylopectin. Yukon again falls in the middle.
26. Potato starches can be controlled
For mashed potatoes, a light and fluffy finish is important. By gently mashing potatoes by hand, the sticky starch amylose will not be easily released from the granule. But amylose can be released using food processor, which cut through if not all but most the granule.
note: vinegar in water helped potato keeping it's shape, baking soda is the opposite.
27. Precooking makes vegetables firmer
(Some) vegetables contain an enzyme called pectin methylesterase, which is active between 140 and 160 degree F. This enzymes caused the pectin in the cell walls to more readily linked with calcium ions, which are already presented in the the vegetable's structure. This link causes the pectin to become stronger, making vegetable less prone to break down. The book experiment on carrots using 3 method, the first one is baked 425 degree F in oven uncovered for one hour. The second one is covered for 15 minutes, uncovered for 45 minutes in 425 degree F. The third one is using a water bath cooking carrots for 30 minutes first, then 425 degree F oven for 45 minutes. The first one lost most water, the third one lost the least. It helped the to preserve the water and thus create a better texture.
(Browning and caramelization, is different. caramelization is more for vegetable, it's a chemical reaction with sugar in the vegetables. Browning involved proteins which is also called maillard reaction.)
28. Don't soak beans, brine them.
The skin of the bean would be tough even after soaking. Tough skin on the bean would explode during cooking. The salt in the brine water will replace the magnesium and calcium ions are replaced by sodium, causing the pectin to breakdown, which soften the skin of bean. When cooking the bean with a little bit of salt, along with brining bean with salt, the bean will come out smooth skinned, and soft.
29. Baking soda makes grain and bean soft
Alkaline environment can break down pectin wall. Just don't use too much.
30. Rinsing(not soaking) makes rice fluffy
Not so sure about this one...
31. Slicing changes onion and garlic flavor
Because it cuts the cell wall and thus release more flavor.
32. Chile heat resides in pith and seeds
Self explanatory. :p To preserve fresh chile, brining (1 Tb of salt per cup of water) is the way to go.
33. Bloom spices to boost their flavor
Blooming is a technique where you take some spices and heat them up in oil to release and amplify the flavor of the spice. Other ways to boost the flavor is grinding, and toasting(not for black pepper).
34. Not all herbs are for cooking
Some herbs are strong enough to be cooked for a long time and still remain in the dish, ex: rosemary, oregano. Some are more delicate, like basil, parsley, and cilantro, that quickly dispersed when cooked.
35. Glutamates, Nucleotides add meaty flavor
Glutamates(谷氨酸鹽) (Monosodium glutamate). Some example: 醬油, 豆瓣醬, 味精 cheese, 番茄...
Nucleotides(核苷酸)
Chicken, Pork, anchovies has certain nucleotides, inosinate, that can amplify the glutamates.
36. Emulsifiers make smooth sauces
Emulsifier is something that can combine water and oil. Examples of Emulsifier, egg yolk, mayonnaise, mustard.
37. Speed evaporation when cooking wine
Cooking temperature and time, as well as additional ingredient that can absorb liquid, will greatly impact final alcohol content.
38. More water makes chewier bread
The book showed 50%, 68%, and 80% hydration in dough. The difference is very visible. 80% hydration cannot rise at all. There're holes, but not rise. 50% hydration has not holes, but holds the shape together like a fist. 68% looks like a normal bread. Depending on the preference on chewiness, the book made a pizza dough using 90% hydration dough! (Interesting note: internal temperature for baking bread is less consequencial than the appearance!)
39. Rest dough to trim kneading time
Full aware of this concept... This is however, an irreplaceable concept. The book thinks that adding salt after autolys is a better way to go. They also experiment on which stage to freeze the dough yields the best result. The result is between 1st proof and 2nd proof.
40. Time builds flavor in bread
Time and Temperature, put the bread dough in the refrigerator so it yeast will work longer, slower, produce more flavor.
(side note: refrigerate maple syrup once it opened.)
41. Gentle folding stops tough quick bread
Mixing batter or dough leads to gluten formation. So, depending on the preference, don't mix too much.
42. Two leaveners are often better than one
Baking soda is an alkali, it can interact with an acidic ingredient, eg, buttermilk, produce CO2. Baking powder will can create bubbles when heated in the oven. Baking soda also created a more alkaline environment and triggered maillard reaction too.
43. Layers of butter make flaky pastry
Use techniques like, lamination, or fraisage to make flaky dough.
44. Vodka makes pie dough easy
The gluten have a hard time to form when alcohol is present. Vodka works wonder here.
45. Less protein makes tender cakes, cookies
Watch the protein content for flour. Making cakes and cookies can use a mix of cake flours and all purpose, no bread flour.
46. Creaming butter helps cakes rise
Creaming butter in cool temperature will help them to hold air. The room temperature butter will have harder time to hold air.
47. Reverse cream for delicate cakes
Reverse cream is mixing fat and flour together so to prevent gluten formation. But I need to know more about this method...
48. Sugar changes texture(and sweetness)
White sugar can produce crispy cookies and brown sugar will produce chewy ones.
49. Sugar and time make fruit juicier
Added sugar can draw out juice from fruits, change its texture as well. I consider this concept weird... :p
50. Cocoa powder delivers Big flavor
Cocoa power can give out chocolate flavor not even dark chocolate can deliver.
1. Gentle Heats prevents overcooking.
For large roasts, where exterior meat can easily overcook and dry out before the center reaches the target temp. Low heat is the way to go. It also retains juices in the meat. But moisture retention has its downside, the interior may look pale. (see concept 5.)
2. High heats develops flavor
Maillard reaction(the French scientist Louis-Camille Maillard)
3. Resting heat maximizes juiciness
Different size of meat, and different method of cooking the meat, will effect the optimal resting time. The hotter the heat, the more resting time might benefit.
4. Hot food keeps cooking
The size of the the food, and the amount of heat used for cooking matters. big chunk of heat will retain more energy in the interior, than say a pork chop. 400 degree will put out more heat than 200 degree, thus after the food left the stove, the internal temp will have effect.
5. Some proteins are best cooked twice
Stove top cooking, like searing, gives out great heat in one direction, downside, moisture loss; oven cooking is slow but promote even heat, and retain moisture better. How to combine the two is essential.
6. Slow heating makes meat tender
The internal temperature is not the sole factor for how tender the meat is, but enzyme in meat, (cathepsins) will help break down the meat tissue to make it tender. But the temperature have to be held below 122 degree F, for long time.
7. Cook tough cuts beyond well done
Tough cuts(like pork tenderloin) has little collagens. By cooking them beyond well down, the collagens will be converted to gelatin, which can hold 10 times of moisture in weight compared to 1 gelatin. Thus makes meat more tender.
8. Tough cuts like a covered pots
Braising works by long cooking time and low heat. It changes the texture of the meat so it taste soft and tender, which makes meat seem moist.
9. A covered pot doesn't need liquid
This one is talking about Dry Braising in the oven, with a covered pot.
10. Bones add flavor, fat, and juiciness
Talking about meat cooked with bone-in.
11. Brining maximizes juiciness in lean meats
Brining meat changes it's structure of protein, which makes meat more tender, retain more moisture, and salt penetrate meat deeper.
12. Salt makes meat juicy and skin crisp
Brine meat makes skin hard to be crispy and browned. So sometimes, dry salted meat provides different perspective.
13. Salty marinades work best
Salt penetrate further than any other marinades ingredients. Most of the other ingredients could only affect the surface. One of the best marinades is soy sauce based, because of it's salty contents.
14. Grind meat at home for tender burger
Home ground meat gives us more choice on textures, fat contents, and flavors. These elements depend on the cut of meat we choose, how fine we want to grind the meat, and how tightly we want to pack our ground meat. (Cut the cut of meat to pieces, then put in the freezer for 20-30 minutes, then we can grind them in the food processor. The book recommend the chuck for best ground beef patties, sirloin comes the second, round is the worst.)
15. A panade keeps ground meat tender
In the book, what they called panade, is a mixture of white bread and milk, mashed up together and becomes homogeneous. Basically, adding starch into the ground beef, along with milk, which contains lactose, which is sugar and can help browning the beef patties.
16. Create layers for a breading that sticks
The standard procedure for breading the meat(pork chops or chicken breast), (or coating), flour, egg, then bread crumbs still holds true! The alternative is switch flour to cornstarch, then swap eggs for buttermilk. Buttermilk can create a lighter coating compared to egg's sometimes hefty presence.
17. Good frying is all about oil temperature
Frying at 325 degree for french fries is recommended. Frying oil have at least 5 stages, each stage can produce different results. Five stage of frying oil: break-in(too fresh), fresh, optimum, degrading, and runaway(dark, smelly, and prove to smoking). The book recommend a mix of 1 used frying oil to 5 fresh frying oil. Store the frying oil in air tight container in refrigerator,or in a freezer. Note: Exposure to air and light hasten the rate of oxidative rancidification and the creation of off flavor and odors. But by experimenting between storing in dark cardboard, refrigerator, and freezer for two months, the oil from freezer wins hands down! So cold temperature is also a huge factor in storing frying oil!
18. Fat makes eggs tender
On making an omelet, frozen cubed butter in eggs can slow down the coagulation of protein in eggs during cooking. This will result a tender omelet in texture.
19. Gentle heat guarantees smooth custards
Custards is a mixture of milk, or cream and egg yolk. It's main use is for dessert. Because of the different temperatures of coagulation pf egg yolk and white, a low and slow heating for custards becomes necessary. The book even suggested water bath method, called bain-marie. Because water's boiling point never exceeds 212 degrees F, plus the moisture, it's a good way to be egg based dessert creamy and smooth on the surface.
20. Starch keeps eggs from curdling
One more way to keep eggs based dessert from curdling.
21. Whippped egg whites need stabilizers
The cream of tartar, an acid, can alter the electric charge on the proteins of the egg whites, in tern reducing the interaction between protein and molecules. Although this delays the formation of the foam, the result is a much more stable, and hold more water as well. The other thing for whipped egg whites is the timing of adding sugar. Adding too early, the foam will be hard to form, adding too late, then there would be little sugar left for sugar to dissolve.
22. Starch helps cheese melt nicely
Used in anything with a cheese sauce, like macaroni and cheese to lasagna.
23. Salting vegetables removes liquid
No explanation needed...
24. Green vegetables like it hot--then cold
To keep the color? Can be related to Concept 4.
25. All potatoes are not created equal
They tested red bliss, yukon golds, and russets. Russets has more starch, they can absorb more water, best for mashed potatoes; the red bliss is on the other end of spectrum, easily holds its shape, absorb less water than russets, best for potato salads. Yukon is right in the middle. There's also two different kind of starches involved, Russets has more amylose, red bliss more amylopectin. Yukon again falls in the middle.
26. Potato starches can be controlled
For mashed potatoes, a light and fluffy finish is important. By gently mashing potatoes by hand, the sticky starch amylose will not be easily released from the granule. But amylose can be released using food processor, which cut through if not all but most the granule.
note: vinegar in water helped potato keeping it's shape, baking soda is the opposite.
27. Precooking makes vegetables firmer
(Some) vegetables contain an enzyme called pectin methylesterase, which is active between 140 and 160 degree F. This enzymes caused the pectin in the cell walls to more readily linked with calcium ions, which are already presented in the the vegetable's structure. This link causes the pectin to become stronger, making vegetable less prone to break down. The book experiment on carrots using 3 method, the first one is baked 425 degree F in oven uncovered for one hour. The second one is covered for 15 minutes, uncovered for 45 minutes in 425 degree F. The third one is using a water bath cooking carrots for 30 minutes first, then 425 degree F oven for 45 minutes. The first one lost most water, the third one lost the least. It helped the to preserve the water and thus create a better texture.
(Browning and caramelization, is different. caramelization is more for vegetable, it's a chemical reaction with sugar in the vegetables. Browning involved proteins which is also called maillard reaction.)
28. Don't soak beans, brine them.
The skin of the bean would be tough even after soaking. Tough skin on the bean would explode during cooking. The salt in the brine water will replace the magnesium and calcium ions are replaced by sodium, causing the pectin to breakdown, which soften the skin of bean. When cooking the bean with a little bit of salt, along with brining bean with salt, the bean will come out smooth skinned, and soft.
29. Baking soda makes grain and bean soft
Alkaline environment can break down pectin wall. Just don't use too much.
30. Rinsing(not soaking) makes rice fluffy
Not so sure about this one...
31. Slicing changes onion and garlic flavor
Because it cuts the cell wall and thus release more flavor.
32. Chile heat resides in pith and seeds
Self explanatory. :p To preserve fresh chile, brining (1 Tb of salt per cup of water) is the way to go.
33. Bloom spices to boost their flavor
Blooming is a technique where you take some spices and heat them up in oil to release and amplify the flavor of the spice. Other ways to boost the flavor is grinding, and toasting(not for black pepper).
34. Not all herbs are for cooking
Some herbs are strong enough to be cooked for a long time and still remain in the dish, ex: rosemary, oregano. Some are more delicate, like basil, parsley, and cilantro, that quickly dispersed when cooked.
35. Glutamates, Nucleotides add meaty flavor
Glutamates(谷氨酸鹽) (Monosodium glutamate). Some example: 醬油, 豆瓣醬, 味精 cheese, 番茄...
Nucleotides(核苷酸)
Chicken, Pork, anchovies has certain nucleotides, inosinate, that can amplify the glutamates.
36. Emulsifiers make smooth sauces
Emulsifier is something that can combine water and oil. Examples of Emulsifier, egg yolk, mayonnaise, mustard.
37. Speed evaporation when cooking wine
Cooking temperature and time, as well as additional ingredient that can absorb liquid, will greatly impact final alcohol content.
38. More water makes chewier bread
The book showed 50%, 68%, and 80% hydration in dough. The difference is very visible. 80% hydration cannot rise at all. There're holes, but not rise. 50% hydration has not holes, but holds the shape together like a fist. 68% looks like a normal bread. Depending on the preference on chewiness, the book made a pizza dough using 90% hydration dough! (Interesting note: internal temperature for baking bread is less consequencial than the appearance!)
39. Rest dough to trim kneading time
Full aware of this concept... This is however, an irreplaceable concept. The book thinks that adding salt after autolys is a better way to go. They also experiment on which stage to freeze the dough yields the best result. The result is between 1st proof and 2nd proof.
40. Time builds flavor in bread
Time and Temperature, put the bread dough in the refrigerator so it yeast will work longer, slower, produce more flavor.
(side note: refrigerate maple syrup once it opened.)
41. Gentle folding stops tough quick bread
Mixing batter or dough leads to gluten formation. So, depending on the preference, don't mix too much.
42. Two leaveners are often better than one
Baking soda is an alkali, it can interact with an acidic ingredient, eg, buttermilk, produce CO2. Baking powder will can create bubbles when heated in the oven. Baking soda also created a more alkaline environment and triggered maillard reaction too.
43. Layers of butter make flaky pastry
Use techniques like, lamination, or fraisage to make flaky dough.
44. Vodka makes pie dough easy
The gluten have a hard time to form when alcohol is present. Vodka works wonder here.
45. Less protein makes tender cakes, cookies
Watch the protein content for flour. Making cakes and cookies can use a mix of cake flours and all purpose, no bread flour.
46. Creaming butter helps cakes rise
Creaming butter in cool temperature will help them to hold air. The room temperature butter will have harder time to hold air.
47. Reverse cream for delicate cakes
Reverse cream is mixing fat and flour together so to prevent gluten formation. But I need to know more about this method...
48. Sugar changes texture(and sweetness)
White sugar can produce crispy cookies and brown sugar will produce chewy ones.
49. Sugar and time make fruit juicier
Added sugar can draw out juice from fruits, change its texture as well. I consider this concept weird... :p
50. Cocoa powder delivers Big flavor
Cocoa power can give out chocolate flavor not even dark chocolate can deliver.
Tuesday, March 01, 2016
how is grandpa and few other daily encounters
外公想要回蘇州. 這是媽媽上個星期五給我寫的紙條. 所以媽媽一從老年中心回來, 接到佩蘭阿姨的來電, 就趕去舅舅家. 我星期五晚上去了舅舅載了老王去 costco 買麵粉, 然後回到舅舅家. 舅媽就和我說了這件事. 外公趁著舅舅和舅媽在吃早餐, 從房間裡走出來, 說有人故意到我房間裡把東西弄亂, 這擺明就是要我離開這裡! 我要回蘇州! 舅媽說外公在說這些話的時候, 是用國語說的. 舅媽認為這擺明是說給她聽的. 我是同意這種說法的. 後來媽媽也從房間裡出來, 加入談話. 媽媽出來把夾心餅乾調和在牛奶裡. 我後來聽到舅舅怎麼和外公說, 外公不能回蘇州. 舅舅說現在外公太老了, 美國政府不讓他坐飛機了. 外公聽了就不高興, 說這是甚麼話, 我要到警察局去理論去! 後來舅舅又說現在機票太貴了, 要回去的話機票就要三萬元. 舅舅說我現在每個月才賺一千塊, 外公是美國政府提供的六百塊, 要湊三萬元要等到啥時哩? 外公說如果他繼續待在這裡, 他就要癡子症了...
媽媽說如果外公再繼續想要回蘇州的話, 他就要來寫信. 舅媽說外公只是要 attention 才這樣說的. 舅媽覺得媽媽說的都沒甚麼用, 外公一定不聽的.
隔天,我又去舅舅家,這次我是去做稅. 媽媽中午給外公做了很好喝的湯, 用大骨頭熬, 又用番茄燉煮. 我也吃了一小碗. 所以我知道. 可是到了一點的時候, 媽媽到樓上來給我看他寫的信. 原來, 他以為外公吃得好好的, 不會再提回蘇州的事了. 但是吃完飯, 外公問媽媽晚上會否在這裡吃飯. 媽媽說他要回家, 晚上舅舅會在. 外公馬上就說, 要再和舅舅說回蘇州的事. 媽媽一聽就寫說, 我們都不希望你回去...(之後我會把信抄錄上來,如果還找得到的話.) 外公也不再說啥了.
舅舅舅媽和陳瑞紅, 林再榮謝立言,還有胡熒和吃完飯後回來. 媽媽覺得外公不再提回蘇州了, 她做了一件滿不錯的事. 就和舅舅和舅媽提. 舅舅沒說啥. 舅媽卻在一旁不斷說媽媽做得真得是好了. 舅舅和舅媽都讀了這封信, 舅媽說要把它貼起來. 以後外公再提, 就拿出來給他看.
或許這件事就此謝幕. 但是, 我每次看到這種舅媽和媽媽的交流就感覺心寒. 媽媽似乎總是要別人說好, 舅媽又很會做表面工夫... 我感覺媽媽是知道的, 但是, 她在表面上得到了舅媽得讚許, 又好像很高興... 媽媽寫的都是真實的感受, 而且實實在在的理由. 可是, 舅舅的理由總是迂迴. 媽媽說的, 能得到別人的肯定, 那是多麼好... 我完全贊同, 也深有同感. 可是這情形實在令我覺得難堪.
外公的物質生活是舅舅他們, 但是, 在心靈上, 外公很依靠媽媽. 實際上, 媽媽煮食啥都想到外公能不能吃. 冷也好, 熱也好, 也都像到外公. 可是又很受不了外公的批評. 我覺得這真是奇怪, 或許也不奇怪...
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Burnt
I liked the movie. The kitchen scenes of a high end professional restaurant was really authentic. It brought the tension out really nicely. I really liked the fact that it did not use sex scene to express love. And yet, I can feel tenderness in the air.
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Boxtrolls
I liked this movie as well. It's both disgusting and cute! lol How do they manage this is in itself something worth watching! I really liked the movie! It's like an innocent kid, or a innocent adult as well, using a big paint brush doing a portrait of themselves! lol
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我昨天下班時跑到亞倫那兒去要被退的鏡筒. 去的時候實際上還想要一個鏡筒模型的清單. 但是, 亞倫不願意給. 他的用詞裡一直說 "他" 不許我查鏡筒. 這個他不是指亞倫. 所以我就問這個他是誰. 他用說整個流程根本不清楚, 所以基於這個理由他也不願意給. 我當時就為了這給或不給的問題給僵住了. 鏡銅名冊的事也忘了. 最後我說, 就算不給我做, 也得把所有的鏡銅集中在一塊. 大偉也早就在旁邊關注我們的談話. 亞倫後來急著要走了, 就帶我到他放鏡筒的地方. 我後來就把放在倉庫裡的鏡筒拿出來和其他鏡筒放在一起.
媽媽說如果外公再繼續想要回蘇州的話, 他就要來寫信. 舅媽說外公只是要 attention 才這樣說的. 舅媽覺得媽媽說的都沒甚麼用, 外公一定不聽的.
隔天,我又去舅舅家,這次我是去做稅. 媽媽中午給外公做了很好喝的湯, 用大骨頭熬, 又用番茄燉煮. 我也吃了一小碗. 所以我知道. 可是到了一點的時候, 媽媽到樓上來給我看他寫的信. 原來, 他以為外公吃得好好的, 不會再提回蘇州的事了. 但是吃完飯, 外公問媽媽晚上會否在這裡吃飯. 媽媽說他要回家, 晚上舅舅會在. 外公馬上就說, 要再和舅舅說回蘇州的事. 媽媽一聽就寫說, 我們都不希望你回去...(之後我會把信抄錄上來,如果還找得到的話.) 外公也不再說啥了.
舅舅舅媽和陳瑞紅, 林再榮謝立言,還有胡熒和吃完飯後回來. 媽媽覺得外公不再提回蘇州了, 她做了一件滿不錯的事. 就和舅舅和舅媽提. 舅舅沒說啥. 舅媽卻在一旁不斷說媽媽做得真得是好了. 舅舅和舅媽都讀了這封信, 舅媽說要把它貼起來. 以後外公再提, 就拿出來給他看.
或許這件事就此謝幕. 但是, 我每次看到這種舅媽和媽媽的交流就感覺心寒. 媽媽似乎總是要別人說好, 舅媽又很會做表面工夫... 我感覺媽媽是知道的, 但是, 她在表面上得到了舅媽得讚許, 又好像很高興... 媽媽寫的都是真實的感受, 而且實實在在的理由. 可是, 舅舅的理由總是迂迴. 媽媽說的, 能得到別人的肯定, 那是多麼好... 我完全贊同, 也深有同感. 可是這情形實在令我覺得難堪.
外公的物質生活是舅舅他們, 但是, 在心靈上, 外公很依靠媽媽. 實際上, 媽媽煮食啥都想到外公能不能吃. 冷也好, 熱也好, 也都像到外公. 可是又很受不了外公的批評. 我覺得這真是奇怪, 或許也不奇怪...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Burnt
I liked the movie. The kitchen scenes of a high end professional restaurant was really authentic. It brought the tension out really nicely. I really liked the fact that it did not use sex scene to express love. And yet, I can feel tenderness in the air.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Boxtrolls
I liked this movie as well. It's both disgusting and cute! lol How do they manage this is in itself something worth watching! I really liked the movie! It's like an innocent kid, or a innocent adult as well, using a big paint brush doing a portrait of themselves! lol
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
我昨天下班時跑到亞倫那兒去要被退的鏡筒. 去的時候實際上還想要一個鏡筒模型的清單. 但是, 亞倫不願意給. 他的用詞裡一直說 "他" 不許我查鏡筒. 這個他不是指亞倫. 所以我就問這個他是誰. 他用說整個流程根本不清楚, 所以基於這個理由他也不願意給. 我當時就為了這給或不給的問題給僵住了. 鏡銅名冊的事也忘了. 最後我說, 就算不給我做, 也得把所有的鏡銅集中在一塊. 大偉也早就在旁邊關注我們的談話. 亞倫後來急著要走了, 就帶我到他放鏡筒的地方. 我後來就把放在倉庫裡的鏡筒拿出來和其他鏡筒放在一起.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
just some thoughts
I lend Vic Bridge of Spy yesterday. He watched it last night. I asked him about the movie this movie. His reaction was a surprise to me, he said it's ok, but a lot of "blah". I liked the movie alright, my mom like it a bit more than I. But Vic's "blah" comment impressed me. It somehow gave me a feeling of what Donal Trump would react to the movie, especially the speech in the Supreme Court.
I liked the movie alright because it was really quite interesting with Tom Hanks and Mark Rylance's performance. The writing of these two characters were really stand out too. This is a long movie. But I don't feel hurried, or too slow. The pacing grabbed me at the right time. I also liked the East German's portrayal in the movie. They were of a jester role, but I can feel that helplessness in all of them. They are the only one that was made fun of in the movie. Not Russian this time. Compared to the white night's portrayal of Russian.
Why did Vic's reaction give me an impression? I guess that the movie had a message, and it's quite clear too. Many reviews pointed it out as well. There is nothing wrong with the message. It's just seldom applied in reality. So...it's more like a advertising line. Because in reality, just like the most people in the movie, people will never admire spies, not then, not now.
However, I still like the message though. I liked the ideals. To admire the opponents, not him personally, but admire the qualities, stand firm with his cause, never turn away from the battle, never lose dignity...
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We have a new procedure at work. It's about RMA Scopes. For 2 years now, I was inspecting those scopes. Sometimes we ship some warranty scopes back to customer. But Jon wants get a better tie with the customer, he wanted us to take entire RMA scopes from the customer.
I first heard of this back December. Frank had a meeting about it yesterday with customer service, engineer, and warehouse. I don't really know what to ask, or what to say at all. So most of the time I was just listening. I asked a question in the mid of meeting, but then I got to go back to work in warehouse. My question must be stupid, because everyone was looking at me funny. lol
The first such scope came today. And it already is a fuzzy case. First of all, it's not our scope. I thought I just inspected it like before. It seemed fine to me. Then, I decided to show it to the engineers. First I thought of Aaron, but he's not here today. So I showed it to Wei. Then Wei showed it to Alex to determine if this is our product of not. That's where it get interesting.
Alex seemed a bit frustrated. He asked for the result of the meeting from yesterday. Wei showed him a set of rules or procedures Aaron and Wei typed yesterday. Then Alex said he did not care about those details. The most important thing he asked Wei was "why does Engineer involved in this procedure." He repeatedly asked this question.
That's an interesting question. Because before this, for the past 2 years, RMA scope only go through me and Customer service. I don't know how often Aaron reviewed the report I printed. But I doubted it would often. So yes, why would Engineer be involved in this?
In Alex's mind, when we get the defect scope from end customer of RMT, we immediately shipped one out back to that end user. The defect was for me to inspect at my leisure. And to gather the possible cause and quantity, if the defect had some kind of trend, or some huge quantity suddenly showed up. Then and only then, the Engineer should be alarmed.
I know from yesterday's meeting that as long as the quantity does not exceeds 1-2% of our production, this would be fine. However, the actual procedure, it's murky.
I found it's interesting to hear Alex saying we wasted our time at the meeting. We did not ask sensible questions. To me, personally, with murky procedures, and still so much questions on the table. It is true. The meeting was a bust.
The procedure should be two prong.
The second should be a periodic things. After certain period (to be determine), the datasheet should be forwarded to the responsible engineer(to be determine) for review.
But Vic mentioned another great point yesterday at the meeting, how are we going to dispose the defect scopes? Need further discussion.
Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working?
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I wish CJ was here. I leave work, drive on the road. I found myself talking to her. I was sitting at the table, I found myself thinking of her.
But it's all an illusion. Grand illusion. That little girl.... I so wish to hug her, cheek to cheek.
I liked the movie alright because it was really quite interesting with Tom Hanks and Mark Rylance's performance. The writing of these two characters were really stand out too. This is a long movie. But I don't feel hurried, or too slow. The pacing grabbed me at the right time. I also liked the East German's portrayal in the movie. They were of a jester role, but I can feel that helplessness in all of them. They are the only one that was made fun of in the movie. Not Russian this time. Compared to the white night's portrayal of Russian.
Why did Vic's reaction give me an impression? I guess that the movie had a message, and it's quite clear too. Many reviews pointed it out as well. There is nothing wrong with the message. It's just seldom applied in reality. So...it's more like a advertising line. Because in reality, just like the most people in the movie, people will never admire spies, not then, not now.
However, I still like the message though. I liked the ideals. To admire the opponents, not him personally, but admire the qualities, stand firm with his cause, never turn away from the battle, never lose dignity...
------------------------------------------------------------
We have a new procedure at work. It's about RMA Scopes. For 2 years now, I was inspecting those scopes. Sometimes we ship some warranty scopes back to customer. But Jon wants get a better tie with the customer, he wanted us to take entire RMA scopes from the customer.
I first heard of this back December. Frank had a meeting about it yesterday with customer service, engineer, and warehouse. I don't really know what to ask, or what to say at all. So most of the time I was just listening. I asked a question in the mid of meeting, but then I got to go back to work in warehouse. My question must be stupid, because everyone was looking at me funny. lol
The first such scope came today. And it already is a fuzzy case. First of all, it's not our scope. I thought I just inspected it like before. It seemed fine to me. Then, I decided to show it to the engineers. First I thought of Aaron, but he's not here today. So I showed it to Wei. Then Wei showed it to Alex to determine if this is our product of not. That's where it get interesting.
Alex seemed a bit frustrated. He asked for the result of the meeting from yesterday. Wei showed him a set of rules or procedures Aaron and Wei typed yesterday. Then Alex said he did not care about those details. The most important thing he asked Wei was "why does Engineer involved in this procedure." He repeatedly asked this question.
That's an interesting question. Because before this, for the past 2 years, RMA scope only go through me and Customer service. I don't know how often Aaron reviewed the report I printed. But I doubted it would often. So yes, why would Engineer be involved in this?
In Alex's mind, when we get the defect scope from end customer of RMT, we immediately shipped one out back to that end user. The defect was for me to inspect at my leisure. And to gather the possible cause and quantity, if the defect had some kind of trend, or some huge quantity suddenly showed up. Then and only then, the Engineer should be alarmed.
I know from yesterday's meeting that as long as the quantity does not exceeds 1-2% of our production, this would be fine. However, the actual procedure, it's murky.
I found it's interesting to hear Alex saying we wasted our time at the meeting. We did not ask sensible questions. To me, personally, with murky procedures, and still so much questions on the table. It is true. The meeting was a bust.
The procedure should be two prong.
- One is purely customer service. Not taking of RMT, but their end users. Fast respond time, quick and accurate decision on which replacement scope to send.
- Second one is internal monitoring for the type of defects, and quantity.
The second should be a periodic things. After certain period (to be determine), the datasheet should be forwarded to the responsible engineer(to be determine) for review.
But Vic mentioned another great point yesterday at the meeting, how are we going to dispose the defect scopes? Need further discussion.
Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working? Why am I working?
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I wish CJ was here. I leave work, drive on the road. I found myself talking to her. I was sitting at the table, I found myself thinking of her.
But it's all an illusion. Grand illusion. That little girl.... I so wish to hug her, cheek to cheek.
Monday, February 01, 2016
Turn turn turn
Turn Turn Turn
(Judy Collins version)
Music: Pete Seeger
Lryics: Pete used Book of Ecclesiastes, Bible
"Turn! Turn! Turn!"
(Judy Collins version)
Music: Pete Seeger
Lryics: Pete used Book of Ecclesiastes, Bible
To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together
To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing
To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late!
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together
To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing
To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late!
Saturday, January 23, 2016
電影關後趕
When Marnie was there(思い出のマーニー)
I did not expect too much of the movie. The first I noticed the movie was through its theme song. It's haunting, even now. I loved the movie very much! There were two mysteries in the story. The protagonist was one, and her experience throughout the story arc was the second one. To me personally, I felt I could identify with the protagonist's feeling. The guilt, the self pitying, and the revulsion of realizing some of the thoughts inside, and all of the above created a emotionless surface. She however, met a girl about her age. They became fast friends. Both girls radiant mystery.
The drawing and music was amazing. Let me just get these two out. Absolutely gorgeous! The sound effect was such that it pounded my heart even when I don't really have a surround sound. The two girls were such different characters. The other characters like the couple were endearing as well.
But what should I say about the movie. What was I feeling? It made me tossing and turning last night. I had a hard time getting into sleep. I felt kind awkward about the two girls kept hugging each other. Don't know why I felt it's a bit lesbian tendency. Even now when I thought back, I still felt awkward. I guess that complete openness between two characters are kind weird. Until the end when the secret was out that Marnie was the girl's grandmother, I seemed to relieve. I was surprised to find myself writing the above thoughts. The surprise was not that I felt weird about two girls hugging, but the surprise that I wrote it down. lol
It did made me tossing and turning for at least 2 hours last night. I felt sad. Maybe I am jealous. That closeness to a person so completely, no matter how happy, how sad, or how guilty I felt, nothing could separate between the two. But it came with an effort, no? The girl has to forgive first? Yes.
I loved the couple Anna(the protagonist) moved in with. They provide a sense of stability, loyalty, and openness.
At the end of the movie, Anna gained her family back, Marnie stayed, her mother stayed, and most importantly, even when Anna is alone, I felt that there were people living in that heart of hers, and it's love.
--------------------------------------------------
Mr. Holmes.
I saw this one about 12 at noon today. It was a really good movie. The characters were all filled with complexity. The movie was about Mr. Holmes at age of 93 trying to figure out why he quit the detective practice 30 years ago. The way to do this was trying to recall the last case he took. However, his memory was failing him. I saw a movie critique called this movie "still Sherlocke". What a clever remark! But to me it's a lot better than Still Alice, way better.
Let me say this first, the cinematography was fantastic. I just saw 思い出のマーニー, and I could not stop comparing the two. It may be weird to compare a real life movie to an anime. But it was a compliment, I think. The actors here really brought the characters to life!
Now, what was my feeling on the movie? When the ending was rolling, a phrase, "practice being kind, rather than being right." showed up in my head. It's a line from the movie, "the silver lining play book".
Ian Mckellen was an amazing Sherlocke Holmes. His performance switched between a 70 years old man and 90 years old man was astounding. Such contrast was amazing to me, it's so endearing to me since my 90 year grandpa moved back in the state. It was endearing performance, also a reminder as well. The mother and the kid were acted out perfectly. They provide great dimension to the story.
It's weird. I thought I would have more to say. But right now I searched nothing. The only thing I still want to say is that it's a very good movie. lol
I did not expect too much of the movie. The first I noticed the movie was through its theme song. It's haunting, even now. I loved the movie very much! There were two mysteries in the story. The protagonist was one, and her experience throughout the story arc was the second one. To me personally, I felt I could identify with the protagonist's feeling. The guilt, the self pitying, and the revulsion of realizing some of the thoughts inside, and all of the above created a emotionless surface. She however, met a girl about her age. They became fast friends. Both girls radiant mystery.
The drawing and music was amazing. Let me just get these two out. Absolutely gorgeous! The sound effect was such that it pounded my heart even when I don't really have a surround sound. The two girls were such different characters. The other characters like the couple were endearing as well.
But what should I say about the movie. What was I feeling? It made me tossing and turning last night. I had a hard time getting into sleep. I felt kind awkward about the two girls kept hugging each other. Don't know why I felt it's a bit lesbian tendency. Even now when I thought back, I still felt awkward. I guess that complete openness between two characters are kind weird. Until the end when the secret was out that Marnie was the girl's grandmother, I seemed to relieve. I was surprised to find myself writing the above thoughts. The surprise was not that I felt weird about two girls hugging, but the surprise that I wrote it down. lol
It did made me tossing and turning for at least 2 hours last night. I felt sad. Maybe I am jealous. That closeness to a person so completely, no matter how happy, how sad, or how guilty I felt, nothing could separate between the two. But it came with an effort, no? The girl has to forgive first? Yes.
I loved the couple Anna(the protagonist) moved in with. They provide a sense of stability, loyalty, and openness.
At the end of the movie, Anna gained her family back, Marnie stayed, her mother stayed, and most importantly, even when Anna is alone, I felt that there were people living in that heart of hers, and it's love.
--------------------------------------------------
Mr. Holmes.
I saw this one about 12 at noon today. It was a really good movie. The characters were all filled with complexity. The movie was about Mr. Holmes at age of 93 trying to figure out why he quit the detective practice 30 years ago. The way to do this was trying to recall the last case he took. However, his memory was failing him. I saw a movie critique called this movie "still Sherlocke". What a clever remark! But to me it's a lot better than Still Alice, way better.
Let me say this first, the cinematography was fantastic. I just saw 思い出のマーニー, and I could not stop comparing the two. It may be weird to compare a real life movie to an anime. But it was a compliment, I think. The actors here really brought the characters to life!
Now, what was my feeling on the movie? When the ending was rolling, a phrase, "practice being kind, rather than being right." showed up in my head. It's a line from the movie, "the silver lining play book".
Ian Mckellen was an amazing Sherlocke Holmes. His performance switched between a 70 years old man and 90 years old man was astounding. Such contrast was amazing to me, it's so endearing to me since my 90 year grandpa moved back in the state. It was endearing performance, also a reminder as well. The mother and the kid were acted out perfectly. They provide great dimension to the story.
It's weird. I thought I would have more to say. But right now I searched nothing. The only thing I still want to say is that it's a very good movie. lol
Saturday, January 16, 2016
results
媽媽今早打電話來提到他寄給我和我妹看的健康 2.0 影片. 這一集裡提到油漱口. 她說不確定有無寄給我妹, 所以她叫我再寄一次. 我昨晚才到我妹家, 她提到了媽媽最近寄了一些影片. 她的口氣裡好像不太想看. 但是在電話裡,我沒有和媽媽說. 我心裡是覺的這不用做了.
我剛剛又突然想想, 媽媽會否知道小瑋其實不大看她寄的影片? 如果她知道但是還是會想到要寄, 似乎很奇怪. 因為以結果來說, 是沒有啥好預期的. 但是, 會否像 歌林多前書十三章裡提到的: 凡 事 包 容 ， 凡 事 相 信 ， 凡 事 盼 望 ， 凡 事 忍 耐 。
我通常視結果成敗來決定我的行動. 雖說有時候, 在逆境時, 我會好像有種接受並迎接挑戰的心態. 可是大部分時候, 成敗的想法又決定了我的猶豫不前最重要因素. 我以為我看到了結果. 做了結果或許仍沒有, 但是不做是不能有結果的.
這是老生常談. 可是我在想, 為啥媽媽還是這樣做呢? 或許是因為愛吧. 很多因素加在裡面, 才能顯出來. 愛卻是一切的源頭. 老生常談只是理性上的理解, 在我身心上還不能發揮.
我剛剛又突然想想, 媽媽會否知道小瑋其實不大看她寄的影片? 如果她知道但是還是會想到要寄, 似乎很奇怪. 因為以結果來說, 是沒有啥好預期的. 但是, 會否像 歌林多前書十三章裡提到的: 凡 事 包 容 ， 凡 事 相 信 ， 凡 事 盼 望 ， 凡 事 忍 耐 。
我通常視結果成敗來決定我的行動. 雖說有時候, 在逆境時, 我會好像有種接受並迎接挑戰的心態. 可是大部分時候, 成敗的想法又決定了我的猶豫不前最重要因素. 我以為我看到了結果. 做了結果或許仍沒有, 但是不做是不能有結果的.
這是老生常談. 可是我在想, 為啥媽媽還是這樣做呢? 或許是因為愛吧. 很多因素加在裡面, 才能顯出來. 愛卻是一切的源頭. 老生常談只是理性上的理解, 在我身心上還不能發揮.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Tomorrowland impression
I watched Tomorrowland. It was really good movie, although the ending was not good. From the beginning, it really grabbed my attention with many twists and mystery. There were two girls in the movie, one is mystery, the other is the guide for audience. The guide was really good. I was awed and twisted with guide. The mystery girl was incredible. The composer she displayed on screen really went beyond her age. The pace of the movie was excellent until the end. GC of course, was not bad either.
The ending was sad though. It created a mysterious world throughout the film, but could not bring it to life in the end. The theme of the movie reminded me of another one. But I can't remember the movie.
The reason I watched this movie was purely because of its trailer. The first trailer was really awesome! :)
The ending was sad though. It created a mysterious world throughout the film, but could not bring it to life in the end. The theme of the movie reminded me of another one. But I can't remember the movie.
The reason I watched this movie was purely because of its trailer. The first trailer was really awesome! :)
Sunday, January 10, 2016
two movies impression
I rewatched rocky last night. I really liked it! I think the theme was simple, the focus was very monotonous. But it flashed out with substance and emotion. Compare to Creed, I felt I can empathize with Rocky than Creed. I felt I can understand Rocky and his people around him better.
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Stardust
I remembered I watched it once. But somehow, it was not impressive at the time. I remembered that I had other things in my mind. Or, I was doing something at the same time. So I was not impressed.
But man, oh, man, it's such a good fantasy movie. Very classic story line, awesome chemistry between characters, and most importantly, there's humor, which did not take you out of the movies! I felt I was taken out the movie by some of the humor in the Princess bride.
I like Stardust! The story was a boy trying to charm his first love by getting a falling meteorite. But by crossing a wall by his village, he entered a magical realm, thus his adventure began. The image captured here, landscape, daily life, I can feel the weight and wear, grandeur and color in almost every shot. The characters are likable as well! The magic in the movie felt realistic and fun.
A truly great movie!
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Stardust
I remembered I watched it once. But somehow, it was not impressive at the time. I remembered that I had other things in my mind. Or, I was doing something at the same time. So I was not impressed.
But man, oh, man, it's such a good fantasy movie. Very classic story line, awesome chemistry between characters, and most importantly, there's humor, which did not take you out of the movies! I felt I was taken out the movie by some of the humor in the Princess bride.
I like Stardust! The story was a boy trying to charm his first love by getting a falling meteorite. But by crossing a wall by his village, he entered a magical realm, thus his adventure began. The image captured here, landscape, daily life, I can feel the weight and wear, grandeur and color in almost every shot. The characters are likable as well! The magic in the movie felt realistic and fun.
A truly great movie!
Friday, January 08, 2016
Still alice's endings.
I don't know why, but I thought the movie's ending was bad. I liked the book's ending better. But I could be wrong, no?
One ended with families still together, the other ended with one left for its career.
Really don't like the career pursuing one. But again, would it be regretted if not pursuing career?
One ended with families still together, the other ended with one left for its career.
Really don't like the career pursuing one. But again, would it be regretted if not pursuing career?
somet thoughts
I kept wondering about one thing. How come I work so hard at work place, but when I come home, I changed to something else? Whatever I worked on at work place was not mine. When it came to what is really mine, I slack off! Outrageous!!
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I told Vic that I was going to watch ant-man at the end of work, 2 days ago. He said he hasn't watched it yet. Like usual, I expressed my surprise. He must have thought it funny. So he said he will watch it that night after work and we will have something to talk about. I thought it was a funny idea.
He did not mention the movie yesterday. I thought it must've been a joke. I said something in the end of day. Yeah, he must've been joking. And yet, I carried for two days.
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I told Vic that I was going to watch ant-man at the end of work, 2 days ago. He said he hasn't watched it yet. Like usual, I expressed my surprise. He must have thought it funny. So he said he will watch it that night after work and we will have something to talk about. I thought it was a funny idea.
He did not mention the movie yesterday. I thought it must've been a joke. I said something in the end of day. Yeah, he must've been joking. And yet, I carried for two days.
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Still Alice Impression
I read Still Alice a couple months ago. It was a good book to read, really. The author has an easy and crisp style. I felt like whatever author wanted to convey, I could easily grasp them. The characters are well defined, they all have a distinct feels.
There are many things impressed me in that book. But there's one thing I kept going back. The distance the husband showed when he found out that it's true and irreversible fact. He seemed to want to try to stay as before, like nothing had happened. He even want to change the environment and career with his wife! It seemed so inconsiderate to the sick.
I felt like I've seen it somewhere. Getting distance does not necessarily mean to be far away. My silence could also meant that. My ignorance of life could mean the same thing as well. This drives me nuts. I wish I could be more passionate, more filled with joy. Above all, I wish I could feel compassionate towards my mother. I felt I must be aloof and distance towards her. For, I am silent around her, and ignoring life at the same time. It must make her felt insecure deeply.
Uncle once said something, it seems to me that he meant there are a lot of stuff, he wanted to accomplish, but could not. It could be due to time, or slacking off, or something else. I felt that too. I always have some ideas popped into my mind, but after a while, I'd forget what it was. Then there would be times when I felt I got nothing to do and lonely, I would be scratching my head, pulling my hair, heart and belly all boiling, without knowing what to do! I need to make a to do list. So when those times come, I could held my list and at least, knowing that I had options!
By doing the above thing, what I wished to accomplish was, by doing those things, I could felt a bit useful, strengthening my psychological fortitude, by not forgetting what I meant to do. Not the things, the company requires of me, not the things my family requires me, or friends, for that matter. But something I wish to do! I hope I could find out it, are them worth it, or not. If it's worth it, keep it; if it's not, kick it.
The passion for life, must be deep within. Through action, by completing them, I hope a visualization would keep the inner fire burning.
There are many things impressed me in that book. But there's one thing I kept going back. The distance the husband showed when he found out that it's true and irreversible fact. He seemed to want to try to stay as before, like nothing had happened. He even want to change the environment and career with his wife! It seemed so inconsiderate to the sick.
I felt like I've seen it somewhere. Getting distance does not necessarily mean to be far away. My silence could also meant that. My ignorance of life could mean the same thing as well. This drives me nuts. I wish I could be more passionate, more filled with joy. Above all, I wish I could feel compassionate towards my mother. I felt I must be aloof and distance towards her. For, I am silent around her, and ignoring life at the same time. It must make her felt insecure deeply.
Uncle once said something, it seems to me that he meant there are a lot of stuff, he wanted to accomplish, but could not. It could be due to time, or slacking off, or something else. I felt that too. I always have some ideas popped into my mind, but after a while, I'd forget what it was. Then there would be times when I felt I got nothing to do and lonely, I would be scratching my head, pulling my hair, heart and belly all boiling, without knowing what to do! I need to make a to do list. So when those times come, I could held my list and at least, knowing that I had options!
By doing the above thing, what I wished to accomplish was, by doing those things, I could felt a bit useful, strengthening my psychological fortitude, by not forgetting what I meant to do. Not the things, the company requires of me, not the things my family requires me, or friends, for that matter. But something I wish to do! I hope I could find out it, are them worth it, or not. If it's worth it, keep it; if it's not, kick it.
The passion for life, must be deep within. Through action, by completing them, I hope a visualization would keep the inner fire burning.
Monday, January 04, 2016
Sunday, January 03, 2016
Some thoughts
Mr. Wang is my grandfather's helper during the week day. My mom kept asking him if he want to go to congregation. He said yes on Friday. So mom called April to schedule a ride. However, it turned out that my sis cannot go today. April wanted to arrange a bother to take Mr. Wang. But Mom immediately said no. She said, Jack will do it. Her exact wording was: "如果我叫小杰去, 小杰就會做..." This bugged me. And I immediately told her after she ended her call with my sis.
The result was she could not sleep last night. I was still bugged and disgusted with myself about revealing this to her. I do want to please her, and like I told her, I will do it almost no matter what anyway. Why would I reveal that to her? This caused 2 things, she can't sleep, I felt disgusted about myself.
However, that line really bugged me. I still think that I am constantly looking for comfort. Anything that could comfort me. Just about anything. This low self esteem thing really needs to go! I kept trying to find out what I want. I am still trying! Because I thought if I know that, I would make myself a better person. I could stand tall with other people, psychologically.
I felt really short when compared to whoever! I tried to comfort myself with stories I created. But it failed again and again. Because a dream is a dream, I am still here, could not go and do anything! I dreamed of having a girl like CJ or Nono. But when I see myself. that disgust would not go away. I am not a complicated guy. I am not that deep. I thought if I could figure what I want to do, and go for it. Dedicated myself to it. I would be more complete. I'd be happy, my mom would happy. And I could maybe try to find a girl like CJ or Nono. I don't know what I want to do! 16 years ago, I sat on the mud room's step, back to my mom, and said to her, I don't know what I want to do. Today, I still am. If anything, I'd wish for a hug and a kiss from CJ right now. But by golly, that thoughts was horrible! I keep shaken my head sometimes, trying to shake it off. The more I look at her, the more I am more obsessed. That cannot be the only thing I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel I could do more. But maybe I can't. I record some thoughts here, and yet, when I reflected back, those thoughts are shallow at best, utterly not understandable at worst!
--------------------------------
Anyway, I gotta learn to filter what to say! Before I even said it! That report said that I used a lot of energy to suppress feelings. But how to let those feeling out, without hurting anybody?! I know I did try hard not to touch sadness and anger, but it seems the more I tried, the more I failed! The emotion for withholding sadness and anger must be fear. So the only thing I could display is smile, or utter reclusive.
The result was she could not sleep last night. I was still bugged and disgusted with myself about revealing this to her. I do want to please her, and like I told her, I will do it almost no matter what anyway. Why would I reveal that to her? This caused 2 things, she can't sleep, I felt disgusted about myself.
However, that line really bugged me. I still think that I am constantly looking for comfort. Anything that could comfort me. Just about anything. This low self esteem thing really needs to go! I kept trying to find out what I want. I am still trying! Because I thought if I know that, I would make myself a better person. I could stand tall with other people, psychologically.
I felt really short when compared to whoever! I tried to comfort myself with stories I created. But it failed again and again. Because a dream is a dream, I am still here, could not go and do anything! I dreamed of having a girl like CJ or Nono. But when I see myself. that disgust would not go away. I am not a complicated guy. I am not that deep. I thought if I could figure what I want to do, and go for it. Dedicated myself to it. I would be more complete. I'd be happy, my mom would happy. And I could maybe try to find a girl like CJ or Nono. I don't know what I want to do! 16 years ago, I sat on the mud room's step, back to my mom, and said to her, I don't know what I want to do. Today, I still am. If anything, I'd wish for a hug and a kiss from CJ right now. But by golly, that thoughts was horrible! I keep shaken my head sometimes, trying to shake it off. The more I look at her, the more I am more obsessed. That cannot be the only thing I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel I could do more. But maybe I can't. I record some thoughts here, and yet, when I reflected back, those thoughts are shallow at best, utterly not understandable at worst!
--------------------------------
Anyway, I gotta learn to filter what to say! Before I even said it! That report said that I used a lot of energy to suppress feelings. But how to let those feeling out, without hurting anybody?! I know I did try hard not to touch sadness and anger, but it seems the more I tried, the more I failed! The emotion for withholding sadness and anger must be fear. So the only thing I could display is smile, or utter reclusive.
JediAcademy impression
I just finished the game first time since I bought it long ago. I think the game was really well designed. In terms of combat, I did not like it though. I had a hard time controlling the movements. I cannot see which swing I used to kill my opponents! But different kind of forces was fun to play.
The platforming part of the game was alright. It had some kind of design, but not whole lot. The game designers used this mechanic for finding secret areas. But there's no design for flow or rhythm in them. I don't really like the jumping mechanics either. It has a flowing through air feel to it. But it was much better designed than Oni. Oni has only flipping, but here, in Jedi Academy, you could do vertical wall run, in theory... Because I still cannot control it, not sure if it's text sensitive. JA have better level design, so you could really use force jump sometimes, unlike Oni... All that sliding and flipping, were wasted.
Overall, it's a more complete package, compared to Oni. But the combat really bugs me. It's too fast and flashy for my taste. If I do more practice, maybe I could get a feel for it. But I don't really have incentive to do so though.
The platforming part of the game was alright. It had some kind of design, but not whole lot. The game designers used this mechanic for finding secret areas. But there's no design for flow or rhythm in them. I don't really like the jumping mechanics either. It has a flowing through air feel to it. But it was much better designed than Oni. Oni has only flipping, but here, in Jedi Academy, you could do vertical wall run, in theory... Because I still cannot control it, not sure if it's text sensitive. JA have better level design, so you could really use force jump sometimes, unlike Oni... All that sliding and flipping, were wasted.
Overall, it's a more complete package, compared to Oni. But the combat really bugs me. It's too fast and flashy for my taste. If I do more practice, maybe I could get a feel for it. But I don't really have incentive to do so though.
Saturday, January 02, 2016
Yesterday we karaoke
My sis and her husband came for karaoke yesterday. we first used ps2, it was really fun. Then we used youtube and roku combo for chinese song. It was really good too. I've been wanting to do that for sometimes now. It was great.
南掌
Review for Southpaw
自從看了 trailer 後, 我就想看這部電影. 但是, 當光碟出來時, 我又猶豫了. 因為我滿確定這多半很老套. 幾個月前, Vic 早上的時候突然問我, 有無看過 Southpaw? 我說還沒有, 他說你應該會喜歡喔. 於是, 我去圖書館預定了.
在這期間, 我也去看了 Creed. 所以在看這部電影時, 我似乎有意無意的在比較這兩部電影給我的感覺.
我很喜歡 Southpaw. 非常喜歡. 我覺得這部電影給我的感覺比 Creed 更實在. Southpaw 在講一個拳擊冠軍的故事. 他從冠軍因為一個意外事件, 再加上他個性上的問題, 他失去了他所珍重的一切. 在最谷底的時候, 他得到了一個人幫住, 他再次站上拳壇.
這是多麼俗套的劇情?! 可是, 從電影開始到結束, 我幾乎沒有離開螢幕. 演員的努力是不可不提的. Jake 的演技真是一流. 他上一部電影是 Nightcrawler. 他在電影裡把整個人改變形象. 他所改變得不是化妝, 而是行為態度. 這一改變實在令我大吃一驚. 在部電影裡, 他在一次的嘗試改變行為方式. 我覺得仍是很成功的. 也很令我佩服. Jake 和 Forest 的搭配, 我覺得更是令人激賞的地方. Forest 始終都是很棒的演員. 他有他的味道. 在幾個過場裡, 他和 Jake 的對話, 是整部電影裡點睛之處! 要讓電影重俗套中活化, 就得有配得上的對白.
不斷提到俗套劇情是因為, 這種電影幾乎在開始時就是已經知道結果了. 甚至幾番的波折之處, 在影迷的腦海裡也早就釐出了套路. 電影一開始的成功, 主角開始墮落, 主角在谷底得到精神上的激發, 又從此成功. 還要加上愛情的套路等等. 這部電影裡都出現了. 但是我並不被這些俗套影響, 這關鍵就在對白上, 道出了某種與我內心所有的共鳴. 譬如說, 主角在意外發生後, 因為自己個性上的缺失, 造成了失去一切生活上的種種, 甚至造成父女分離. Forest 的角色在關鍵的過場裡, 提出了我也有的想法. 在那個蒼老疲累的聲音裡, 這問題不斷痛刺主角的內心, 從而激活他的自我意識! 另外, 就父女分離的劇情部分, 無論是那位演女兒的女角, 還是 Jake, 還是 Forest, 每個過場都有其目的. 在我眼裡, 我似乎也都可以感受到每一個鏡頭的重量. 俗套與否, 已經被真實有物的對話內容充淡.
我也上 youtube 看看相關的訊息. 才知道 Southpaw 的主角一開始是 Eminem! 我也才了解為啥 Jake 在詮釋這個角色上和 Nightcrawler 相比有點拘束. 但是這是很有趣的訊息.
---------------------
和 Creed 相比, 我更喜歡 Southpaw. Creed 的故事是不錯的題材. 可是我總覺得好像少了甚麼. 我無法在感情上得到立足點吧. 我並不覺得主角讓我感動. 史特龍在我認為更是這部戲的亮點.
自從看了 trailer 後, 我就想看這部電影. 但是, 當光碟出來時, 我又猶豫了. 因為我滿確定這多半很老套. 幾個月前, Vic 早上的時候突然問我, 有無看過 Southpaw? 我說還沒有, 他說你應該會喜歡喔. 於是, 我去圖書館預定了.
在這期間, 我也去看了 Creed. 所以在看這部電影時, 我似乎有意無意的在比較這兩部電影給我的感覺.
我很喜歡 Southpaw. 非常喜歡. 我覺得這部電影給我的感覺比 Creed 更實在. Southpaw 在講一個拳擊冠軍的故事. 他從冠軍因為一個意外事件, 再加上他個性上的問題, 他失去了他所珍重的一切. 在最谷底的時候, 他得到了一個人幫住, 他再次站上拳壇.
這是多麼俗套的劇情?! 可是, 從電影開始到結束, 我幾乎沒有離開螢幕. 演員的努力是不可不提的. Jake 的演技真是一流. 他上一部電影是 Nightcrawler. 他在電影裡把整個人改變形象. 他所改變得不是化妝, 而是行為態度. 這一改變實在令我大吃一驚. 在部電影裡, 他在一次的嘗試改變行為方式. 我覺得仍是很成功的. 也很令我佩服. Jake 和 Forest 的搭配, 我覺得更是令人激賞的地方. Forest 始終都是很棒的演員. 他有他的味道. 在幾個過場裡, 他和 Jake 的對話, 是整部電影裡點睛之處! 要讓電影重俗套中活化, 就得有配得上的對白.
不斷提到俗套劇情是因為, 這種電影幾乎在開始時就是已經知道結果了. 甚至幾番的波折之處, 在影迷的腦海裡也早就釐出了套路. 電影一開始的成功, 主角開始墮落, 主角在谷底得到精神上的激發, 又從此成功. 還要加上愛情的套路等等. 這部電影裡都出現了. 但是我並不被這些俗套影響, 這關鍵就在對白上, 道出了某種與我內心所有的共鳴. 譬如說, 主角在意外發生後, 因為自己個性上的缺失, 造成了失去一切生活上的種種, 甚至造成父女分離. Forest 的角色在關鍵的過場裡, 提出了我也有的想法. 在那個蒼老疲累的聲音裡, 這問題不斷痛刺主角的內心, 從而激活他的自我意識! 另外, 就父女分離的劇情部分, 無論是那位演女兒的女角, 還是 Jake, 還是 Forest, 每個過場都有其目的. 在我眼裡, 我似乎也都可以感受到每一個鏡頭的重量. 俗套與否, 已經被真實有物的對話內容充淡.
我也上 youtube 看看相關的訊息. 才知道 Southpaw 的主角一開始是 Eminem! 我也才了解為啥 Jake 在詮釋這個角色上和 Nightcrawler 相比有點拘束. 但是這是很有趣的訊息.
---------------------
和 Creed 相比, 我更喜歡 Southpaw. Creed 的故事是不錯的題材. 可是我總覺得好像少了甚麼. 我無法在感情上得到立足點吧. 我並不覺得主角讓我感動. 史特龍在我認為更是這部戲的亮點.
搞錯了一輩子了...
芥末與山葵
一般人在吃生魚片時，免不了要沾一下醬油及芥末。這種一般台灣人稱之為「芥末」的綠色泥狀的調味料日文叫作「わさび」(wasabi)，日文漢字表記為「山葵」。
在吃納豆的時候，納豆的盒子中經常會附有一包類似醬油的「つゆ」的液體調味料以及一包黃色的調味醬。這種黃色的調味醬的日文叫作「わがらし」(wagarashi) ，日文漢字表記為「和辛子」或「和芥子」。
又，吃熱狗的時候，除了蕃茄醬以外，經常還有一種黃色的調味醬。這種黃色的調味醬的英文是「mustard」，日文叫作「マスタード」，也有人稱為「ようがらし」(yougarashi)，日文漢字表記為「洋辛子」或「洋芥子」。
不論是「わがらし」或是「ようがらし」，都是由芥菜的種子磨成粉後所製成的調味料。國語辭典中對「芥末」的解釋就是「用芥菜子研細的粉末，味辛辣， 常用作調味料」。因此，嚴格地來說，吃生魚片時所沾的綠色的調味料並不是「芥末」，而是一種用「山葵」這種植物的根磨成泥的調味料 (感覺起來就像是把蘿蔔磨成泥的樣子)。真正的「芥末」應該是吃納豆、吃熱狗時所附的黃色調味料。
至於「わがらし」和「ようがらし」的差別只是一個是日本的調味料，一個是歐美的調味料。只是正好兩種調味料都是用同芥菜的種子製成的。同一種植物在 不同的地方的生長狀態多少會有所不同，而每個人在製作調味料時的手法也可能會有一點不一樣，所以「わがらし」和「ようがらし」多少會有一些微妙的不同。但 是兩種調味料幾乎可以說是同一種東西。
(錄自: http://umesakura.jp/20050524183105.html)
在吃納豆的時候，納豆的盒子中經常會附有一包類似醬油的「つゆ」的液體調味料以及一包黃色的調味醬。這種黃色的調味醬的日文叫作「わがらし」(wagarashi) ，日文漢字表記為「和辛子」或「和芥子」。
又，吃熱狗的時候，除了蕃茄醬以外，經常還有一種黃色的調味醬。這種黃色的調味醬的英文是「mustard」，日文叫作「マスタード」，也有人稱為「ようがらし」(yougarashi)，日文漢字表記為「洋辛子」或「洋芥子」。
不論是「わがらし」或是「ようがらし」，都是由芥菜的種子磨成粉後所製成的調味料。國語辭典中對「芥末」的解釋就是「用芥菜子研細的粉末，味辛辣， 常用作調味料」。因此，嚴格地來說，吃生魚片時所沾的綠色的調味料並不是「芥末」，而是一種用「山葵」這種植物的根磨成泥的調味料 (感覺起來就像是把蘿蔔磨成泥的樣子)。真正的「芥末」應該是吃納豆、吃熱狗時所附的黃色調味料。
至於「わがらし」和「ようがらし」的差別只是一個是日本的調味料，一個是歐美的調味料。只是正好兩種調味料都是用同芥菜的種子製成的。同一種植物在 不同的地方的生長狀態多少會有所不同，而每個人在製作調味料時的手法也可能會有一點不一樣，所以「わがらし」和「ようがらし」多少會有一些微妙的不同。但 是兩種調味料幾乎可以說是同一種東西。
(錄自: http://umesakura.jp/20050524183105.html)
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