lyrics

望春風

作詞:  李臨秋
作曲:  鄧雨賢

目前流行歌詞版本
獨夜無伴守燈下，清風對面吹
十七八歲未出嫁，當（音dng）著少年家
 果然標緻面肉白，誰家人子弟
想要問伊驚歹勢，心內彈琵琶
想要郎君作尪婿，意愛在心裡
等待何時君來採，青春花當開
聽見外面有人來，開門該看覓
月娘笑阮憨大獃，被風騙不知

• 驚歹勢：害怕不好意思

最早原版歌詞
獨夜無伴佇燈下 清風對面吹
十七八未出嫁 見著少年家
果然標緻面肉白 誰家人子弟
想欲問他驚呆勢 心內彈琵琶
思欲郎君作尪婿 意愛在心內
等何時 君來採 青春花當開
忽聽外頭有人來 開門該看覓
月老笑阮怣大獃 被風騙不知

freezing cold

I went to see a disney movie called Frozen.  It was really good.  It seemed like a trend Mulan to rapunzel, from brave to now frozen.  Of all these movies, it kept showing a girl with strong will.  They  can take initiation, very active, filled with dreams and courage and ability to acted it out.  All the men are either dumb, cute, or without not much goals.  Interesting. 

But I have to say that frozen is really well made.  There's something strike me in the core.  I love the song where elsa sing about a storm inside her brewing.  I like the twist where an act of love is no longer a kiss from lovers.  I love that a true between a man and a woman is no longer a love at first sight but through experiences endured by both parties.  everyone has a good amount of motivation that audience can understand.  Compared with brave, the solution to the fundamental problem in the movie was answered properly. But of course, brave's problem was much harder to solve, because the conflict was between two main characters which was very real and direct.  The  conflict in Frozen was not really between the two main characters, it was mainly in elsa herself. 

I was surprised that this is a movie with songs.  but maybe I was being naive.  it is a disney movie, what was I thinking.  The songs were mostly ignorable though.  I was glad to see the little classic cartoon before the main title.  It's a smart remix of old cartoon and modern style.  A good throwback really.  That reminds of me old movie procedure.  I do felt a bit uncomfortable with those violence mimicked in comical way.  I felt weird, I should be desensitized against it by now.  That said something of old humor, of the old times, and of myself as well. 

某一天和其他

不怎麼想寫, 但是, 還是得找人談談.  不斷的想在自己的部落格上寫, 總是沒能夠開始.  我想有個對象, 或許比較容易寫出來. 

今天下午一點半到舅舅家.  舅舅全家不在, 我叫了兩聲都沒人, 脫了鞋子正準備往裡看看.  媽媽偷偷的跑到客廳, 從他的皮包裡拿出三四張紙給我看.  還要我別要出聲, 說, 希望外公可以睡午覺, 如果他看到我, 他又不睡了. 

四張紙上, 媽媽寫了大大的字:

1.  你一天到晚說我什麼都不懂, 我一天到晚為你做菜, 想你x什麼.  你為什麼一天到晚說我什麼都不懂.  你每天高興的事就是罵我. 

2.  現在除了老王做麵食給你, 只有我在替你想給你吃什麼.  但是, 你天天只會說我什麼都不懂. 

3.  我尊重你是我老爸, 也請你尊重我, 天下沒有什麼都懂得人, 也沒有什麼都不懂得人(除了白痴).  每個人懂得東西也許不一樣而已. 

4.  你敢罵蕭雲嗎? 

看完後, 媽媽說他今天大發脾氣.  他說自從那以後, 外公都很安靜.  他自己也躲到房間內裝睡, 希望外公也去睡覺.  所以, 我也馬上就走了. 

快 四點的時候, 媽媽才回到家.  是的, 陪了一個晚上後, 他又陪到將近四點.  舅舅, 舅媽回來後, 媽媽除了第四張紙沒給舅媽看, 其餘的都秀出來.  舅媽禮貌的回應, 說也給舅舅看, 大家都知道舅舅是不會要看的.  舅舅的反應只是, 老人都是這樣.  另外, 舅舅還說, 現在他的身體還好, 沒檢查出啥大毛病, 但是萬一他有個三長兩短, 舅媽是不會照顧外公的.  到時候, 一定是住到我們家. 

媽媽 回家後在沙發上慢慢跟我說到底是怎麼一回事.  早上我去的時候似乎都還好啊, 媽媽幫外公寫通訊簿.  媽媽說一切都還要等到中午.  中午到了, 要準備吃飯, 媽媽本來想切個肉絲, 肉丁啥的.  之前在舅舅的冰庫裡看到一塊肉, 以為可以用, 結果拿出來一看, 03/2012, 不敢用了.  又放回冰庫去.  因為不知道舅媽是怎麼樣的作業程序.  至少, 媽媽是不敢用了.  可是這樣一來, 家裡著實無啥東西可吃了.  除了早上媽媽煮的一鍋稀飯, 還有外公上星期吩咐要蒸的棗子.  剩下的, 就是媽媽昨天去老人中心做義工帶回來的一些洋芋泥.  哦, 還有媽媽昨天晚上很累的時候做的燒餅.  燒餅, 也是外公前兩個星期提到的.  他似乎懷念在蘇州出門就有燒餅吃.  他從一塊錢吃到三塊五.  所以上星期中, 我到 youtube 找了一個影片, 昨天我下班回來, 他即使很累仍堅持要做.    成品很脆, 媽媽帶了四個去, 外公說他咬不動.  媽媽也帶了一些肉鬆.  早上沒吃肉鬆, 可是現在看看實在沒啥食物, 外公也只好吃吃肉鬆.  外公說他不吃肉鬆, 因為外婆不能吃油,, 所以他這十幾年也跟著不吃了. 

在問清楚舅舅舅媽或著是毛和 Michele 不回來吃飯, 午飯也就跟著開始.  照慣例, 所有外公吃的東西都要是滾燙的.  一開始, 一盤肉鬆擺在外公面前.  洋芋泥拿在微波爐裡, 翻來覆去熱了四次, 總算夠燙了.  媽媽想, 外公喜歡吃燙的, 就把肉鬆擺開, 把滾燙的洋芋泥放到他面前.  外公看到肉鬆時已經開始唸了.  現在肉鬆挪開, 看到洋芋泥擺在他眼前, 他好像被侮辱了一樣.  開始 "教訓" 媽媽:  這芋泥是最賤的東西, 連白飯都比它強.  你啊, 就是不學, 所以啥都不懂.  竟然把這玩意兒替代了肉鬆!  接著就是長達一小時的 "訓話".  媽媽說他一開始也忍. 一小時後, 外公還在說, 他終於忍不住了, 他在紙上寫到, 我也是北一女出來的, 也在立法院做過事, 怎麼會啥都不懂.  外公看了, 笑笑, 輕描淡寫的說: "這北一女算是白讀了."  我認為這句話, 是深深刺傷他的心.  但是, 外公是不停的.  他繼續說他的.  再說下去, 不只怎地, 又講到溫家寶說的, "中國人就是沒常識!"  這句話我印象是很深的.  因為就是他講這句話, 讓在蘇州的沈阿姨笑也笑不下去, 飯也吃不下去.  而我幾乎氣的要摔筷子的那個晚飯.  媽媽這時是再也忍不住了.  手一拍在桌上, 就站了起來, 用力的寫下以上這些字句.  然後收了碗筷, 站在洗碗槽前直跺腳.  外公看到這情況, 就安靜了.  只是喃喃的說, "就父女倆說說話嘛..." 

媽媽說, 以前和外婆也是一樣.  但是講的內容不一樣.  外公是不會說外婆啥都不懂, 但是, 他會說錢.  外公會說都是因為你, 所以錢不夠用, 錢全花在醫藥費和醫生上了.  說啊說, 外婆是不回嘴的.  直到最後, 外婆受不了了, 就大發一場脾氣.  那時, 換外公安靜了.  這事媽媽不只講過一遍, 但是, 確實是這一兩年內媽媽才提到的.  之前, 他不肯談. 


--------------------------------------------------------


母 親在上星期四的時候請了外公, 舅舅, 舅媽, 和王君來家裡吃飯.  外公說要來我們家吃飯已經說了兩三個星期了.  媽媽本來因為星期二又有大雪, 他準備延期到陽曆元旦.  但是, 他說他不能等了, 不然他整天整夜的在想這事.  他前一兩個星期就在準備菜單.  一開始是甜菜湯, 後來又改.  媽媽最後的菜單是:    栗子煨白菜, 甜排骨, 涼拌馬蘭頭, 干貝花菜, 烤鮭魚, 鮭魚番茄濃湯.  那天我上班, 不在家.  前一夜, 媽媽跟我說, 很抱歉, 我明天要一大早就要做菜, 你早餐要去買麥當勞.  不過, 我早上還是有果汁泥.  他一大早就在做甜排骨, 我七點下樓他就要我嚐.  我看他汁都還沒收, 就想味道一定還沒有進去, 我就耍賴了, 說既然已經燒了個把個鐘頭, 可以大火收汁了.  汁收了, 可一咬, 我得承認, 這東西還沒夠軟.  我是可以吃了, 外公恐怕不行.  媽媽就埋怨我, 剛剛叫我嚐的!  我趕快開溜.  一路上有點自怨自艾.  我就是懶... 

我對這事是沒存啥希望的.  誰都不能知道外公到底喜歡吃啥.  充滿了悲觀的情懷.  一整天在工作的地方都不大對勁.  深怕一回去, 媽媽又要抱怨外公啥都不喜歡.  開車到家, 才在窗口就可以聽到媽媽大聲的講電話.  一進去, 他就給我看他的手指, 又是繃帶!  我說, 又切到手了?  媽媽說, 你才不知道哩.  外公從開始吃飯到兩點多鐘回去都在批評.  外公一來, 就教舅舅從一樓看到二樓.  然後開始午餐.  甜排骨, 咬不動; 涼伴馬蘭頭, "郎的", 得要拿去熱; 栗子煨白菜很好; 烤鮭魚太乾.  眾人的意見都和他不同.  照例, 東西吃吃, 又要拿去熱.  舅媽在微波爐裡熱食物都是要蓋子的.  媽媽把微波爐裡熱好的東西拿出來, 蓋子拿不下來.  他硬來, 結果碗摔到地上去.  媽媽的手指給刮破了.   他現在有個現象, 就是血很不容易止住.  大家手忙腳亂的收拾, 媽媽也把止不注血的手指頭趕快拿去沖洗消毒.  外公還在那裡不斷埋怨媽媽, 怎麼就是不給他吃魚.  後來飯上來了, 王君馬上說, 咦, 這飯裡糯米!  原來媽媽知道外公喜歡有點糯米的, 結果呢?  外公說, 這飯太硬了, 他吃不來.  接下來, 就是批評媽媽不會做主人.  講了一個小時.  干貝菜花也忘在爐上.  大家也沒喝啥湯.  舅媽早就受不了了, 坐在客廳上看書.  後來找個理由回家說要給舅舅裝去工作的便當.  一點, 舅舅回去休息, 小睡一小時後去工作.  外公說要喝咖啡.  王君怎麼會肯.  喝了, 晚上不睡覺, 王君倒楣.  最後, 折衷, 媽媽打了果汁泥, 大家喝了也高興了.  不過, 外公仍要喝滾燙的. 

媽媽昨天晚上回來刷牙, 出發去舅家前說, 舅舅說的外公還在說那個栗子煨白菜很好吃.  我說, 至少, 還有一道菜他喜歡的.  很好很好. 後來, 遇到舅媽, 舅媽說, 他爸爸要是看到他手指流血, 是一定不會像外公那樣的.  馬上要過來幫忙止血的... 

Movies I saw recently

I went back and watched some old movies recently.  Of course, there were some new ones as well.  I re watched, lincoln lawyer, once upon a time in china, and 500 days of summer.  I saw a new movie, called, anatomy of murder, made in 1959, I think.  Anatomy was very good.  All three rewatched movies were very engjoyable. 

歌詞

Today

-Artists: The New Christy Minstrels as sung on " The New Christy Minstrels

-Greatest Hits": Sony Special Products BT 18113

-peak Billboard position # 17 in 1964

-from the movie "Advance To the Rear" starring Glenn Ford, Stella Stevens,

-Melvyn Douglas, Joan Blondell, Jim Backus, and Andrew Prine

-Words and Music by Minstrels' leader Randy Sparks



Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine

I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine

A million tomorrows shall all pass away

Ere I forget all the joy that is mine today



I'll be a dandy and I'll be a rover

You'll know who I am by the song that I sing

I'll feast at your table, I'll sleep in your clover

Who cares what the morrow shall bring?



Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine

I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine



I can't be contented with yesterday's glory

I can't live on promises winter to spring (winter to spring)

Today is my moment and now is my story

I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing



Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine

I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine

A million tomorrows shall all pass away

Ere I forget all the joy that is mi-uh-ine today
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Do not forsake me, oh my darlin
music by Dimitri Tiomkin
lyrics by Ned Washington
ballad of movie High Noon
sung in the movie by Tex Ritter
most famously sung by Frankie Laine



Do not forsake me, oh my darlin'
On this, our weddin' day
Do not forsake me, oh my darlin'
Wait, wait along
I do not know what fate awaits me
I only know I must be brave
And I must face a man who hates me
Or lie a coward, a craven coward
Or lie a coward in my grave
Oh, to be torn 'tweenst love and duty
S'posin' I lose my fair-haired beauty
Look at that big hand move along
Nearin' high noon
He made a vow while in state prison
Vowed it would be my life or his'n
I'm not afraid of death but oh
What will I do if you leave me?
Do not forsake me, oh my darlin'
You made that promise as a bride
Do not forsake me, oh my darlin'
Although you're grievin', don't think of leavin'
Now that I need you by my side
Wait along,(wait along) wait along
Wait along, wait along
(Wait along, ,wait along, wait along, wait along)

------------------------------------------------------------

Marty Robbins - The Hanging Tree Lyrics

I came to town to search for gold
And I brought with me a memory
And I seem to hear the night wind cry,
"Go hang your dreams on the hangin' tree
Your dreams of love that could never be
Hang your faded dreams on the hangin' tree!"

I searched tor gold and I found my gold
And I found a girl who loved just me
And I wished that I could love her too
But I'd left my heart on the hangin' tree
I'd left my heart with a memory
And a faded dream on the hangin' tree.

Now there were men who craved my gold
And meant to take my gold from me
When a man is gone he needs no gold
So they carried me to the hangin' tree
To join my dreams and a memory
Yes they carried me to the hangin' tree.

To really live you must almost die
And it happened just that way with me
They took the gold and set me free
And I walked away from the hangin' tree
I walked away from the hangin' tree
And my own true love, she walked with me!

That's when I knew that the hangin' tree
Was a tree of life, new life for me
A tree of hope, new hope for me
A tree of love, new love tor me
The hangin' tree, the hangin' tree, the hangin' tree!

----------------------------------------------------------------


 North To Alaska 2:47
(Franks, Horton)
Johnny Horton
Pop Chart # 4 Sept. 19, 1960
Columbia Records #41782
Album: 'Johnny Horton 16 Biggest Hits'
Columbia Legacy Records CK 69971



Intro:
Way up north (north to Alaska)
Way up north (north to Alaska)

North to Alaska
You go north, the rush is on
North to Alaska
I go North, the rush is on

Big Sam left Seattle in the year of ninety-two
With George Pratt, his partner and brother, Billy, too
They crossed the Yukon River
And found the Bonanza Gold
Below that old white mountain
Just a little south-east of Nome

Sam crossed the majestic mountains (mush)
To the valleys far below (mush)
He talked to his team of huskies (mush)
As he mushed on through the snow (mush)
With the northern lights a-runnin' wild (mush)
In the land of the midnight sun (mush)
Yes, Sam McCord was a mighty man (mush)
In the year of nineteen-one (mush)

Where the river is windin'
Big nuggets they're findin'
North to Alaska
They go North, the rush is on

A-way up north (north to Alaska)
Way up north (north to Alaska)
North to Alaska
They go north, the rush is on
North to Alaska
They go north the rush is on

George turned to Sam
Wth his gold in his hand
Said, 'Sam you're a-lookin' at a lonely, lonely man
'I'd trade all the gold that's buried in this land
For one small band of gold to place
On sweet little Ginnie's hand

'Cause a man needs a woman
To love him all the time
'Remember, Sam, a true love is so hard to find
I'd build for my Ginnie, a honeymoon home
Below that old white mountain
Just a little south-east of Nome'

Where the river is windin'
Big nuggets they're findin'
North to Alaska
They go north, the rush is on
North to Alaska
They go North, the rush is on

Way up north (north to Alaska)
Way up north (north to Alaska)
FADES-
Way up north (north to Alaska)
Way up north (north to Alaska)
Way up north.

thoughts after reading

I just read a chapter in e.o. wilson's on human nature about aggression.  it's interesting that he seems to be  complete opposite of Konrad lorenz.  at least, that's what appeared in his own writing.  one of his most frequent description of lorenz's view on aggression is that lorenz think aggressive sports can discharge some of the intra-species aggression.  but as wilson pointed out that aggressive action is more a learned behavior with human predisposition of aggression.  wilson seemed to say that we can curb aggression by avoiding violent things, like not using foul langauge, playing violent video games, or aggressive sports.  and he pointed out that there were many crisis, but eventually, people got out of the tough situation by using reason as last resort.  wilson seemed optimistic compared to lorenz.

I need to read on aggression again.  

old ball

there's a boy of ten
his friends were gone because
he moved to a new places

father comfort him
now now, you will find new friends
mother encourage him
isn't it a beautiful quaint place

boy of ten went to new school
there's no friends, everyone a strange
boy came back from school
new place isn't quaint,
he lost his way to his house
he's out, until he was found

oh, poor little boy, strange faces will
fade, father said.
oh, new road will be old again if
travel more, mother said.

boy of ten could only comfort himself with
an old worn basketball

no title

for your sake, let me say this out loud
if you love me, please say it now. 
if i love you, i wish to show it to you
but but what if there's no hope

i can see it in your eyes.
that glint of hope flows out
but i know how heart could be
treacherous.  how it could deceive me
with a mirror i polished
with tireless effort

I want to ask you this, but throughout the century
were you there for me?
is it just me yapping my mouth blindly
oh, it must be a pure dream, for I can feel
your image cramping out my eye socket

if i want a fastest car in the world, that
was used to chase after you
if i wanted to have wings, which was
used to track your shadow.
but oh, I regret my thoughts
or is it my will free of physical boundaries?

 

那兩位教授說的...

最近看到一本書, 書名叫 wealth and power, 中文是富強.  兩位美國教授合作的.  其實就是前不久, 拙林貼的一篇提到中國近代史改寫的文章, 同樣的兩位教授. 

書 裡舉了幾個代表人物, 都是近代史上有意思的人物.  從魏源開始介紹, 到朱鎔基.  不斷的把近代各作者的思想和富強提出聯繫, 富強就是富國強兵的縮寫, 因此他們譯成, wealth and power.  無論是魏源, 梁啟超, 孫中山, 鄧小平, 等, 都沒能真正脫離愛國主義.  唯一有意思的是毛澤東, 他對中國文化的徹底破壞, 給鄧小平的經濟開放鋪了路.  對之後的朱鎔基也頗有好評.  認為他對於經濟的發展是正面的.  最後面的結論一篇更指明了愛國主義對於整個近代和現代中國的進程, 有著主導性的地位.  因為無論是毛的破壞, 還是鄧的開放, 或者是朱的經濟, 都是為了富國強兵.  而直到現在除了開發, 現在的中國提不出一個中心價值觀(core value).  他既不願接受歐美的民主自由, 人權等等, 除了富國強兵之外, 他也沒有自己的價值觀.  書裡認為這是另一個轉變的開始, 可以是好的, 也可以是壞.  也就是現在是處於一個非常不穩定的時代.  這也讓我聯想到之前易中天說的中國人沒有中心價值觀.  這一串的文章的出現, 確是一種轉變. 

易中天說中國人沒有信仰, 也就是沒有中心價值觀.  我本人是不能同意的.  因為在我認為, 他提到中華文化的部分是矛盾的.  既然中華文化是世界性的第一大 tier 之一.  又說中華文化沒有中心價值觀, 基本上他自己就否定掉中華文化了.  如果易中天說, 中華文化就是實用主義.  這個主義, 實在是人類最根本的本能, 哪裡能成為文化呢?  但是, 我一想, 也對, 自毛澤東出來後, 中華文化是被否定掉了.  剩下的豈不就只剩實用主義了嗎?  那兩位美國教授, 認為毛澤東把中華文化去掉了, 所以現在才能使經濟蒸蒸日上.  但是, 現在又來講要中心價值觀?  似乎沒必要...

(最近易中天又把中華的部分重寫.  他不提實用主義了, 他說中華文化沒有信仰, 可是中華文化之所以能成為世界性文化, 是因為:  方式.)

自從易中天說中華文化沒有信仰, 也就是沒有中心價值觀時, 我就一直在考慮這個問題.  因為我看過蘇老泉曾寫過, "士以義怒", 一句話.  我那時也曾想過, 那個義到底是啥意思?  這個義是否可以是中心價值觀?  可是我當時就想, 中國似乎自古及近代都沒有真正提出一個 '義'.  試看韓愈在原道提出了:

-----'夫所謂先王之教者，何也？博愛之謂仁，行而宜之之謂義，由是而之焉之謂道，足乎己無待於外之謂德。其文，詩書易春秋；其法，禮樂刑政；其民，士農工賈；其位，君臣父子師友賓主昆弟夫婦；其服，麻絲；其居，宮室；其食，粟米果蔬魚肉：其為道易明，而其為教易行也。'-----

這裡面似乎全都是實用主義.  以今日歐美的所謂中心價值觀, 獨立, 自由, 平等(易中天列的) 來看, 這裡沒有類似的東西.  易中天也提出了今日歐美的名詞在程度上有種種不同:

-----'具體地說，就是獨立、自由、平等。此外的人權、法治、民主、共和、憲政，則不是。人權和法治是觀念，共和與憲政是制度，民主則既是觀念也是制度。它們都不是價值，而是價值的體現，以及實現這些價值之最不壞和最可行的途徑。這事過去一直是糊塗賬，現在不能不算清楚。

   獨立、自由、平等這三大核心價值，是文藝復興以後被重新發現的。儘管它們在古希臘文明中已初見端倪，但真正成為西方國家的全民共識和朝野共識，仍然費了不小的工夫。然而一旦確立，西方現代文明便騰空躍起。
    是這樣嗎？是。
    一般都認為，西方經濟發達科技進步，是因為制度先進、優越、完善。比方說，著作權法和新聞出版法保護了知識產權和言論自由，科技當然進步；合同法和反壟斷法保證了自由貿易和公平競爭，經濟當然發達。
    問題是，這些制度為什麼能夠建立，而且能夠實行呢？就因為制度背後有觀念的支持，比如“這是我的小破屋，風能進，雨能進，國王不能進”，比如“我堅決反對 你的意見，但我寧願犧牲生命也要捍衛你說出這意見的權利”。這些觀念被廣為傳播，早已深入人心，無論政府官員還是江湖大佬，都不敢頂風作案，冒天下之大不 韙。
    制度的背後是觀念，觀念的背後是什麼？
    價值。
    比方說，因為尊重獨立，所以要保護隱私；因為崇尚自由，所以要保護言論；因為堅持平等，所以要保護民權。這才有了人權觀念、法治意識、創新機制、保障體系，有了自由貿易、公平競爭、權力制衡、輿論監督，有了一系列的觀念和制度，而且能夠落實和執行。
    價值、觀念、制度，是一種由裡到外層層遞進的邏輯關係。西方現代國家能夠勃然興起後來居上，創造出當今世界最強大、最強勢、最強悍的文明，就因為他們把這個邏輯關係弄清了，理順了，夯實了，建構成渾然一體的東西。'-----

 如果和韓愈的東西兩相比較, 我就覺得除了愛和義之外,獨立, 自由, 平等, 要比其他韓愈提出的更像核心價值.  也比禮樂刑政更令人嚮往.  禮樂刑政聽起來像是制度.  而觀念似乎並沒有真正的再韓愈的原道裡出現. 

對於整個中國來說現在是一個轉變的時機.  我沒有辦法忘記我在蘇州時和大姨說, 在毛澤東時代, 疆獨沒能能鬧出來.  實在是因為當時大家都相信共產主義.  這個共產主義可以是一個核心價值觀.  但現在常常出事, 實在是因為愛國主義, 甚至大漢主義所造成的.  這兩位美國教授所想的, 我在幾年前就想過, 也和拙林提出來過.  我基本上認為易中天在講歐美和回教時都滿好的.  我仍是不喜歡他講中華文化的部分.  我已經看過易中天的網誌很多次, 他中華文化的部分改了又改.  我相信很多人也都不喜歡.  但, 我也無法把中華文化的價值觀講出來.

我常常覺得, 中華文化, 那些古籍從不是真的在講中國人, 而是講全人類. 唉, 無論如何, 我得承認現在這是超出我的能力範圍.  無論是書讀的太少太少,幾乎完全不經世事, 也與人隔絕.  這三件事都使我無法認識價值觀的可能.

不過, 這似乎只是古代價值觀的認識, 而不是現代價值觀的開展.  我最近的想法真的是, 當初王陽明的心學沒能繼續開展, 只滿足於心靈上的滿足, 而不求之於事功, 實在是一大遺憾.  到了清朝, 又只能求之於事功, 而不能在心靈上有所闡明.  也或許前一代的發展終有推進後一代的銳進.  只是我因為那三件事, 而不能看的清楚.  雖然易中天所說的我不見得儘都贊同, 但是易中天所做的是很值得推許的. 

亂想

很多樹如果給予足夠的空間, 都會長成某一種特殊的形狀.  可是如果把多種樹種到一起去, 則這些樹都無法長成那些屬於自己的特殊形狀.  那麼那一種形狀是天性嗎?  如果是天性, 把樹種在一起就無法讓他們盡自己的天性.  但是, 又有多少樹可以有那麼好的空間呢?  大多數的樹, 都是擠在一起, 很多都希望自己盡量向天空發展.  向天空發展也是他們自然的一種天性. 

天性看起來有很多種.  那人觀察樹的天性時, 實在不能只看空地裡的樹, 或者只看樹叢裡的樹...  天性實在是很難啊. 

chatter

Feeling lonely.  I wish to engage in some chat somehow.  Feeling lonely.  Working in a temp job right now.  The work is mostly physical, after the job, I feel empty.  There're fleeting words.  They are fleeting.  I feel empty. 

Tomorrow, another kind of work.  Gotta go to uncle's. 

Where are you. 
what are you doing? 
Wish to see you. 
But my heart is weak. 
Upon seeing you,
afraid it might stop jump. 

浸漬水果

上個星期六, Julie 阿姨帶了一大罐自己浸漬的桃子.  桃子也是自家後院摘的.  好好吃, 家珍阿姨還特地從座位的另一頭跑來我們這一頭把整罐浸漬桃子拿到自己那一頭.   Julie 阿姨說可以去他家摘桃子, 我和他說下午去. 

下午三點我和媽媽去摘桃子.  Julie 阿姨說, 等你等不及, 我自己又醃了兩罐了!  有點抱歉, 我應該和他說我們當天中午要和舅媽去吃包肥的.  他家後院有一顆種了幾年的桃樹, 近兩三年才開始結果.  Jeff 叔叔拿了梯子, Julie 阿姨拿了兩個籃子, 於是我們就摘起桃子.  桃子不是很大, 桃樹也不高.  但是桃子的數量卻很多, Julie 阿姨已經醃了三四罐桃子了, 我們看到的仍是滿樹桃子.  媽媽和我還有點不好意思摘太多, Jeff 叔叔和 Julie 阿姨很大方的勸我們多多益善.  天氣很好, 藍天綠地, 藍子裡的桃子也堆積起來. 終於, 我們滿足的拿了一大堆的桃子進入屋裡.  我還留在外頭和 Jeff 叔叔討論車道的修補之法.  他帶我看他們的材料和工具, 又走在車道上指給我看各種材料適用的各種情況.  過了好一陣子, 我們才返回屋內, 一看, 哇, Julie 阿姨和媽媽已經開始做浸漬桃子了!  我們摘的桃子足足裝了三個罐子!  Jeff 叔叔一看, 他居然把浸漬的材料背出來:

七糖一醋+一茶匙酸梅粉. 

我們都覺得有趣, 原來他喜歡吃到把怎麼做都記下來了!  他也笑說他在 Julie 阿姨身旁, 也是 "耳濡目染" 哪!  哈哈哈! 

回家的路上, 媽媽覺得我們家門前的 crap apple tree 上的蘋果也可以這樣醃製.  我一開始覺得怪怪的.  可是媽媽下定了決心, 於是回到家後, 我們就又摘了半樹的蘋果.  蘋果不多.  這蘋果樹也是個有趣的故事.  前年, 一場很大的暴風雨突襲美國東北, 我們的那棵樹本來有兩根粗大的樹幹, 其中一根在風雨之中被吹斷.  一開始, 我們想要把他連根崛起算了, 但是, 發現這工程太貴.  於是我下了決心要把他鋸掉.  沒想到的是, 這棵樹實在是很難鋸, 硬的不得了, 而且又粗, 枝椏盤旋環繞, 我的弓鋸也不夠大.  花了不少時間終究還剩下一小段沒能除掉.  鋸下的樹幹一時之間不知道要放哪.  因為那時已經有些小枝子從根裡長出來.  我想, 說不定以後又可以長成個樣子出來.  就突發奇想, 把一整棵樹用截斷的樹幹圍起來.  當然, 看起來很有點突兀...

之後的一年裡, 小枝子也發出葉子, 但是, 卻沒有開什麼花.  我滿失望的, 因為每年春天五月, 這棵樹都會開成滿樹的花. 在我們街上非常顯眼漂亮.  那時也是不結果子的.  畢竟樹太老了.  可那滿樹的花實在值得期待.  今年春天五月, 我到蘇州一趟回來, 沒能看到開花.  心中有點可惜.  走進一看, 咦, 有小果子.  記得以前也有過一些, 但是從來沒能漲起來過.  我也沒放在心上.  近幾個月卻看他逐漸長大, 媽媽看的很歡喜.  常常說要吃吃看.  我說, 這種 crap apple 怎麼會好吃.  媽媽不信, 一個月前他摘了一個微紅的小蘋果嚐嚐.  啊, 的確是不好吃.  我說也還沒真的熟哩... 

前兩週吧, 媽媽又試了一次, 他覺得雖然還是不怎麼好吃, 終究不那麼難下嚥了.  沒想到, 現在得到了這個食譜!  真是猶如天降的禮物!  我們那天醃了一大罐蘋果.  今天下午又把剩下來的大部分蘋果摘下來浸漬.  我們還拍了照片並且留了兩顆紅蘋果給鳥吃.  唉, 有了食譜真希望他年年點果子! 

徵

my mom called my uncle, who's in suchow with my grandpa right now.  he was silent as usual.  so my mom initiated talks as usual.  she heard from aunt pl yesterday that grandpa told uncle he will come to usa to live with him.  we even went to uncle's house to talk to aunt, who confirmed with us.  but my uncle replied, no, it's not confirmed yet.  then he fell silent.  my mom was relieved when hearing from aunt pl a little bit.  upon hearing the response from my uncle, she felt a twinge.  she then asked how he slept.  my uncle chuckled.  since my uncle had nothing to say, my mom asked if  grandpa was up.  he was, but he constipated again, he did not feel well at all. 

mom talked to grandpa.  but he was so unwell, he could not hear anything.  my mom kept telling him, how happy she was with his news of coming to usa.  but repeatedly he could not perceive it at all.  after a few times, my mom asked grandpa to give phone to uncle.  but still grandpa could not hear it.  eventually, mom told grandpa to hang up the phone numerous times.  grandpa apparently could not hear at all, finally hung up the phone. 

what it showed me, was horrifying.  because initially, i understand if grandpa came to usa, my mom will be the sacrificing lamb.  for grandpa will not and dare not scold uncle and aunt, he will then redirect aggression against my mom.  But now, I saw something else in this intricate play.  grandpa, under uncle's influence, will turn vicious with my mom.  This viciousness will morally hurt my mom.  grandpa is already bitter.  uncle will turn him into a colossus.  grandpa still care for my mom before now.  but that attitude will change when he's with uncle and aunt.  with my mom's attachment to her own parents, this will be proven fatal. 

uncle and aunt don't have the intention, but their emotional inclination toward my mom will likely be at work.  my mom's attitude will not help in the situation either. 

quote

I saw the magnificent seven today.  I think it's a good western.  It has more twist than seven samurai.  But I didn't like Yul Brynner that much.  I did not care too much about Steve Mcqueen here either.  I never planned to watch this movie if not for Charles Bronson.  And it's kind funny that if not for Frasier, I'd never watch this movie...  lol  Because Frasier's dad Martin love Charles Bronson.  I felt the movie as its own was pretty good, I liked the twist here.  But I just have too much seven samurai in my mind.

Anyway, I remembered a quote by Steve M's character, I think it's funny. Somebody asked how you doing?  Steve M's character answered with joke:

"A fella fell from a tall building, everyone on different floor heard the fella as he fell past their floor saying, "So far so good, so far so good." 

I forgot the exact wording, but that's about it... 

rambling

It's been two weeks, mascon haven't called back yet.  I need to call. 

I really wish to have a girl by my side.  But I really could not construct a future at all.  Do I lost my aggressive drive?  Would this related to my wanting to be correct and proper?  And any deviate from correctness and proper is unbearable to me personally.  I really really wish to have a girl I love by my side. 

If i settled in a new situation, it became stale.  But I won't find new ways to improve it. 

Sometimes i wonder if my desire to be able to satisfy a girl in bed is so fervent, would be because I could never make my mom happy.  And this disgusts me to my stomach.  As I dig deeper, I think it related to the aggressive drive, which somehow could not realized in any proper  channel.  For I watch over every possible channel.  I do not want to have any leak.  Of course, aggression escaped in most infuriating sense.  I tried even harder.  Until now, I meet angry with either flapper mouse, or masterbet, or drowsiness, or if I was lucky enough to get a hold myself, I do exercise.  But exercise was rare. 

That is not to say that I don't feel genuine love towards the opposite sex.  On the contrary, the intensity was and is unbearable.  My mom and sis and uncle always wonder why I did not go to animal shelter.  I could not go because, I was so attracted to female colleagues, I can't stay.  Some one can tell me that all men feel the same, but for me, they can be around girls.  I just felt out of control, jealous, self despise, embarrassment.  Excuses, excuses... 

and right now, confession did not make me feel relieved.  it is like reliving my nightmares.  just remember, if i could not construct a future, i can't have a girl.  no contact, no discussion, never compromise! 

沒眼光

昨天和鄰居的小孩玩籃球.  他們是五缺一.  我剛好頂上.  之前有看過他們打, 我不覺得怎麼樣.  可是打了幾場下來, 他們都滿會玩的.  有兄弟倆, 都很能投球, 哥哥的上籃也滿行.  兄弟倆的父親精壯剽悍, 技術實在.  我的鄰居是很強壯高大, 射球也有一定的準頭.  另外一位也是高大強壯, 準頭也有. 

跟他們打, 我就覺得自己沒眼光.  之前看的時候不覺得怎樣, 一打就知道滿不是自己看的那樣. 這讓我想到第一次看到史第夫王打球.  亨利黃說他很厲害, 好快.  我當時也覺得不怎麼樣.  打起來後才知道他橫向爆發力真的很不錯.  還好他運球普通, 不然就真的很可怕了. 

我的眼光真的很差.  回來後和媽媽說, 媽媽也同意.  他就用我昨天同一天的例子, 我可以在衣服店裡待兩三個小時, 一件衣服也買不到.  我說, 眼光不好, 遲疑猶豫就很正常了.  媽媽一想也對. 

另外一提, 打球時兄弟倆的父親比我年紀大至少十五六歲, 卻比我有精力, 又能跑又能跳.  我滿悲傷的.  想想上次和亨利黃, 飛, 史第夫王, roger 葉打球時, 我現在可能比那次好一點.  但和那位父親相比, 實在太差... 

中華文化之一

中華文化之一, 第一點就是反古. 尤其是拿古人的話來反古.  第一個笑孔丘的人就是孔丘的學生.  哈哈哈.

要說清楚某種文化長啥樣子是極端困難的.  中華文化和別種文化不同的地方是很難由中國人來說的.  我覺得只有從外國人口不經意之間可以得知.  我現在可以想到的是, 民初時,某外國訪問學者說, 中國的學生都積極從事政治活動, 美國的學生都對政治興趣缺缺. 

我覺得這是最有趣的觀察,可是我現在認為這是最能清楚描述中華文化的一句話之一.  印象中東漢士人和宦官, 一直到明朝太監和士林, 都不斷有這種衝突.  反而是從事農工虞商的人在我印象裡少從事政治活動, 除非是官商勾結, 或者是宋以前士族的活動.

The change of attitude

When I read gun powder, steel, and germs, I found it was interesting that the attitude of the author was different from other people, namely zinn howard.  After that I read some books about conservation.  It has a very different sentiment from conservation a hundred years ago. What was the difference?  How come I put two comparisons side by side?  Are they even related?  I don't know.  But it is interesting that when I read one, the other would pop up somewhere in my mind. 

The difference between the first two was that GsG did not apologize for the misery of European expansion.  It emphasized that when other people got the technology, the same people oppressed by European expansion, started to oppress other people too.  I remembered GsG used an example from some native islanders in new zealand. 

The difference between the conservationist now and the ones who started conservation a hundred years ago was the treatment of the big predators, especially the apex predators. 

Are these two category related?  I think yes, in some ways.  The so called apex predators controlled the ecology.  European expansion signified as most advanced technology, maybe even culture.  Such culture, was the apex predator in comparison.  However, it is a cynical comparison.  Because, when I read about how to save tigers, wolves, I felt warm feelings, even love.  But when I read the paragraph that whoever got highest technology will start to conquer, torture, destroy its neighbors, it was heart wrench, distant, and cold. 

I've always asked a question.  When you did something wrong, what would we do next?  We could say, other people would do so in my steed as well.  That's the feeling what GsG gave me.  But when it came to animal conservation, many books talked about the economic reason for killing predator animals a hundred years ago.  Many books would use many mythologies from native people. 

All those writings up there did not really summed clearly what I was going to say.  It is merely random notes on sporadic feelings toward something vague... 

booblablablabla

I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend. 

中華...文化...阿....?!?!

易中天先生寫了一套書, 還沒寫玩, 他先來個序.  他在排世界裡各文化的位置.  排的很好, 總共有三環, 所有文化都有機會.  第一環三名, 伊斯蘭, 歐洲, 中華.   第二環,印度, 日本...等等.  第三環, 朝鮮, 東南亞...等等.

文章說, 第一環的文化叫做世界文化.  然後他拿出一個盒子,上面寫著伊斯蘭, 盒蓋打開, 裡面是宗教信仰和博愛, 世界中期歷史之花.  他又拿出第二個盒子, 上面寫著歐洲,他把盒蓋打開,往裡面一瞧, 啊, 自由平等法治, 世界現代歷史之花.  最後, 他拿出第三個盒子, 上面寫著中華, 他小心翼翼的把盒蓋打開, 大家往裡一瞧, 咦, 東西呢?  他笑嘻嘻的說, 這就是中華文化, 你看, 你看, 你要信啥, 我都可以放在裡面.  這可是世界古代歷史之秀啊! 

an interesting quote from movie

Depression is the inability to construct a future.  -----Rollo May.  


I heard from movie, Side Effect. 

書鈔--on aggression

All from chapter of Ecce Homo

Aggressive behavior and killing inhibition represent only one special case among many in which phylogenetically adapted behavior mechanisms are thrown out of balance by the rapid change wrought in human ecology and sociology by culture development.  .......It is a widely held opinion, shared by some contemporary philosophers, that all human behavior patterns which served the welfare of the community, as opposed to that of the individual, are dictated by specifically human rational thought.  Not only is this opinion erroneous, but the very opposite is true.  If it were not for a rich endowment of social instincts, man could never have risen above the animal world.  All specifically human faculties, the power of speech, cultural tradition, moral responsiblity, could have evolved only in a being which, before the very dawn of conceptual thinking, lived in a well organized communities.  Our prehuman ancestor was indubitably as true a friend to his friend as a chimpanzee or even a dog, as tender and solicitous to the young of his community and as self-sacrificing in its defense, aeons before he developed conceptual thought and became aware of the consequences of his actions. 

According to the Immanuel  Kant's teachings on morality, it is human reason (Vernunft) alone which supplies the categorical imperative "thous halt" as an answer to responsible self-questioning concerning any possible consequences of a certain action.  However, it is doubtful whether "reason" is the correct translation of Kant's use of the word "Vernunft", which also implies connotation of common sense and of understanding and appreciation of another "reasonable" being.  For Kant it is self evident that one reasonable being cannot possibly want to hurt another.  This unconscious acceptance of what he considered evident, in other words common sense, represents the chink in the great philospher's shining armorof pure rationality, through which emotion,......

....

....

Even the first compensatory function of moral responsibility, preventing the Australopithecines from destroying themselves with their first pebble tools, could not have been achieved without an instinctive appreciation of life and death....

......
.....

Quote stop.


Then the author started to describe the increase rate of social change, which our biological behavior adaptability have a hard time to catch on.  

饅頭物語

我已經追逐饅頭超過十幾個年頭了.  第一次是看到舅媽做饅頭.  我驚喜的說要跟著學.  我第一做滿成功的.  做了十來個, 帶到大學去.  那時候跟室友處不來, 常常一個人帶了饅頭到圖書館, 一邊看書一邊啃饅頭, 直到深夜才回宿舍.  走在冷風裡, 還挺得意的.  自己會做饅頭, 就像小時候吃到的一樣. 

但是, 好景不常, 第二次, 和之後幾年, 就不再成功.  有時候, 饅頭沒發, 蒸出來是石頭.  有時候, 蒸出來的是麵包, 軟軟的, 發的大大的, 裡面全是氣泡.  要再去找舅媽討教時, 舅媽卻偏愛麵包式的饅頭.  軟軟的, 鬆鬆的那一種.  可那不是我印象裡的饅頭.  總記得老爸說的, "你看, 饅頭裡面有洞, 就是偷工減料!"  這樣一來, 只要做饅頭, 就猛減酵母粉的量, 或者糖的量, 一心只要饅頭要緊實, 不能有洞.  有時候還大揉特揉, 希望揉個一個小時.  可是一次又一次, 饅頭越來越硬, 連放在湯裡都很難軟化.  有時候甚至白麵粉會做出黃石頭.  終於, 我決定不做了. 

去年某個機緣, 看到麵包的做法, 裡面介紹用麵種.  腦袋裡又浮現饅頭.  那白白的外皮, 豐滿的形狀, 熱熱騰騰的特殊香氣.  我在網上找了一陣子, 在好幾個網誌上看到有人提到孟老師用老麵做得山東饅頭.  順藤摸瓜, 我終於找到了完美饅頭的方法!  當我用老麵照著孟老師的方法做出了無鹽無糖的山東饅頭.  那份喜悅真是不用提了. 

上個月, 我到一家山東店, 很興奮的看到他們也賣饅頭.  一方面想看看自己做得像不像, 一方面也想看看自己做得可不可能比他們的好吃, 我點了一個饅頭.  老闆, 一臉驚訝的看著我說, "真的嗎?  裡面是沒有餡的哦..."   看他一臉驚訝, 我也有點吃驚, 說, "我知道."  回家後, 覺得真是有趣.  我想, 一定很少有人叫這玩意兒.  又想到, 我的妹夫吃到我最近做的饅頭, 他一開始很高興的吃著.  吃了一口, 覺得有點奇怪, 趕緊再咬一口, 臉上更是充滿了訝異.  他問我妹妹, 怎麼裡面無餡?!  我妹妹說, 饅頭就是無餡的啊.  他傻了眼, 看著又無鹽又無糖更無餡的麵食, 連說, what's the point?  what's the point? 

離家不遠

 

(年度票選最佳散文)

透天三層洋房，座落在稻田旁，起風時，偶爾飄來豬屎堆肥異味。這是一個老舊翻新社區，八十三年夏推出，姊姊轉述建商說法：「前面要開一條八米路，直通鎮上心臟地帶；六輕在麥寮建廠，這裡必然大有發。」

  猛翻數倍後，房價是撐平、緩步下滑，我不太相信會有大好榮景。哥和姐決定比鄰各買一戶，爸爸說：「問問韻芳，或許她也想在西螺買厝，人親土親。」

  擁有一小方土地，是在台北難以達成的夢想，親友中不乏按月租地、翻土、施肥、種作，扮演都市農夫。對我而言：鋤犁是扛不動的浪漫，並不奢想嘗試。深層的想望是：九年後退休，住在舊厝附近，手足間各有獨立空間，卻是走幾步路或騎上鐵馬，就可以找爸媽談天說地、泡茶賞蘭。
  那年，父親剛過七十，我相信他會像阿嬤一樣高壽九五，我還有福氣承歡膝前十五年。兒時不曾分離的歡聚，正是短短十五載。
  爸爸曾經笑言：「算命先說我一生有財無庫，所以，當了二十幾年律師，仍是兩袖清風。」我坐在樹蔭清涼、繁花處處的大庭園裡，回想在這裡灌蟋蟀，卻灌出一條草蛇；空心菜摘了又長，如同變魔術一般神奇。
  也憶起七歲那年，調皮的我惹煩忙著汲水的阿嬤，她掄起竹掃把掃我一頓。夜裡，才想起是我的生日，煮出兩個蛋，一個歸我獨享，一個由哥姐分食。阿嬤摸摸我猶留笞痕的手臂：「死查某鬼仔！真是大人吃肉，囝仔吃打。」
  艱困歲月裡，厝內經濟是捉襟見肘，厝外卻是天寬地闊，任我遨遊。濁水溪堤岸，是一家人最常去的優美勝地－採西瓜、堆沙堡，或是揀回泛綠溪石，當成曠世稀寶典藏。
也有些活動，不能讓爸媽參與：到漫畫店租回「四郎真平」，藏在肚腹裡偷渡；花兩毛錢買枝仔冰，在圍牆外你一口、我一嘴舔個精光，夜裡吵架，捏得彼此腿上青一塊、紫一塊，天亮，媽喚姊姊打油，她瞪我一眼「走啦！」兩人一同出門，各走左右側溝沿，打了油，再各循原路返回。
  哥 在初一離家，從此，我們就不曾再吵過嘴。在電話是奢侈品、交通又不方便的時代，台中、西螺遠如天涯。最近，哥曾聊起當時心境：「新生訓練只有半天，結束 後，我走兩公里到車站，看著公路局的車子，心想：搭上車就可以回家；又想：明天還要上課，回去又得馬上出門，繞來繞去，不知該怎麼辦？
  最後，又走兩公里回學校。想像一個理和尚頭的小男孩，在車站來回徘徊，我不禁心酸。
 
幸運的我，晚三年才割斷臍帶。高一負笈他鄉，此後，台中、台北、華盛頓、紐約州，家，越來越遠。我如候鳥，逐月、逐季、逐年歸返。每一回，爸媽都問相同話語：「什麼時候擱轉來？」轉來，成了最殷切的叮嚀。
 
擠在座椅縫隙中，雙腳懸空，直到全身麻木，為的是趕上中秋夜，看阿嬤一面殺柚子，一面唸著：「月娘光光，目睛金金。」

風雪中的紐約州，華航在「世界日報」刊登巨幅廣告：「別人吃火雞，我們回家吃湯圓。」艷紅圓仔閃著溫潤光澤，我彷彿回到昏黃燈光下，有時比賽誰搓得最圓，有時刻意搓得大小不一，再參差排列，湯頭清時，大家都不愛吃，總是得再三回鍋，煮至黏稠帶點焦香，才是人間美味。
 

我癡望藍天：搭上飛機，就可以回家。出嫁十幾年，僅有一次回家過年，車抵家門，爸早就站在陽台上張望，轉身對屋內大聲呼喊：「韻芳回來囉！」洋溢而出的喜悅，暖著我的心頭。只是，對女人而言，家永遠是兩處模糊地帶，回家，永遠是難有著落的夢想。
  夜半驚醒，湧上的常是來不及奔喪的恐懼。阿嬤高齡九十三，臨終前，她已退化至認不得我；媽媽因糖尿病失明，每天打胰島素，吞二十幾顆藥，我害怕夜裡的電話， 我深知：至親，隨時可能離去。每週打一通電話，三天寫一封信，儘揀神奇事物談笑；接獲爸的來信，卻忍不住淚如泉湧，終至放聲痛哭。
  阿嬤過世，是在我回國以後，中午接獲電話，爸爸的口氣十分平靜：「阿嬤走了，我餵她喝過牛奶，扶她躺下，再回頭，她已經走了。」車子奔馳在高速公路，我的心不慌不亂，反倒有些暖意。想像中拖著女兒、萬里奔喪的畫面不曾出現，我恍然明白：台北離家不遠。離家不遠，就是幸福。

  爸爸的離去，卻是讓我措手不及。新居由一片菜圃轉成樓房錯落，不過一年半。姊姊長住，我維持每個月回去一趟。回家的日子，多半是做幾樣自認神奇的菜，堆到爸媽碗裡；買幾件體面的衣服，讓他們掛在衣櫥。
  爸爸問我：「你猜猜看，我晚年的願望是什麼？」我屢猜不中，答案是：「讓自己圍棋段數更高。」我疏忽了，每天都有老友來陪爸爸下棋：我的小學老師、崙背老醫生、民眾服務站主任、還有十來歲的孩童，在這塊土地自在過活，就是爸爸最大的快樂。
 
難怪我們想陪他出國觀光，爸一笑：「我在電視上都看過，不必長途跋涉。」多邀幾次，他乾脆表明：「離開家，我就睡不著。」爸爸出門的興致越來越低，甚至連請 他到嘉義吃早餐，他都說：「改天吧！出一趟門，就覺得累。」我聽不出警訊，仍傻傻妄想：有一天，他會答應我一起到夏威夷曬太陽、喝咖啡。
 
直到爸爸騎腳踏車出門，頭暈得幾乎軟倒在門口，我們才發現：他的胃悶、腹痛不是慢性胃炎或潰瘍，癌細胞早已在他的大腸肆虐多年。姊姊輪白天，哥嫂輪夜晚，爸爸住進省立醫院四天，哥才通知我：「爸爸要開刀，惡性的成分很高，爸說：『台北遠』，你等週六再回來。」
 
台北遠嗎？考上大學時，爸爸託他的棋友開小貨車，花一天親自陪我註冊；出國時，他送到機場，我入登機門後，他指著飛機告訴姊：「我們來看看，能再看到韻芳嗎？」
  結婚當天，他清晨五點出門，陪我北上，喜宴後，又趕在深夜返家。台北一點兒也不遠。是塵俗瑣事讓遊子的心靈逐漸走遠，忘記去傾聽「不要牽掛我」背後的聲音。

「不要牽掛我，我很快會健康回來。」住院第一晚，爸爸提著點滴瓶，電話裡向媽許下承諾，決定轉診到林口長庚，爸堅持要再回家住一夜。
 
晚餐，全家圍坐，每個月都有團圓相聚，今夜，格外珍惜。爸爸第一件事是為媽挾菜。「我好幾天沒有為妳做事了。」媽媽失明二十年，爸爸每天帶她散步、為她添飯、布菜、倒洗澡水，爸爸捨不得離家，最大原因就是媽媽的眼睛。
>
 
離 家前，爸爸戀戀環視自己一花一草耕耘的庭園，道出心願：「四個月後，我會完全康復，就可以再整理這片花園。」車上，爸爸說：「我這一生沒有遺憾，也沒有罣 礙。如果問我：一生最大的成就是什麼？我要說：是和妳媽媽一起建立這個家。」我緊握爸爸的手，心想：這座堡壘該換我們來撐持。
 
手術順利，爸爸在一星期後出院。一個半月後，發現癌細胞蔓延至肝，爸爸重回長庚，這次離家，足足三十五天。三組人馬輪流照護，日間，陪爸爸看窗前鳥雀啁啾：夜裡，陪爸爸看窗外燈火點點，從小至大，這是首次須臾不離。共同話題不多，仔細想來，爸一向不是多話的人。
 
他不曾天寒叫我們添衣、肚餓叫我們加食，也不曾對我們嘮叨他的期望。只是，在我為大學聯考失利而放聲痛哭時，他會拍拍我：傻孩子！妳一生的幸福，又不是只決定在這次考試。」
 
我回家坐月子時，天天吃麻油雞腰仔，他會瞞著阿嬤，偷偷削一個水梨給我；我返鄉任教的四年，他疼惜我中午騎車往返辛苦，總是用摩托車接送我。
  我為他梳頭，笑著說：「我記得以前為你拔白髮，一根一毛錢。」姊姊接口：「聞一次腳丫，說好香，也有一毛錢。」

爸爸摸摸他稀疏泛黃的髮梢，早年，他烏黑茂密的濃髮人人稱羨，他也試過幾種染髮劑，想留住意氣風發的青春。此刻，他卻神情黯然望著鏡中自己。

「這些已不再重要。」什麼才是重要的？夢囈之中，爸爸回到他獲頒孝行獎的會場，這是他心中認定最大的榮耀嗎？
 
我埋首寫故鄉廟埕的劇本大綱，他眼中閃著光芒：「回家以後，我為妳找更多資料。」我想：爸爸要的很簡單：活著回家。和未知拔河，活著，卻十足艱難，爸爸由每日來回走動，誓言保持出院後的體力；撤退至走兩步就喘息不已：再至廁所後，力拉才能起身。
 
我試著探詢他最後的心願：「爸，你說阿嬤八十歲就備好壽衣，如果萬一，穿律師服好不好？」爸笑一笑：「律師服？很好啊！我為媽祖奉獻十三年，如果媽祖允許我選擇，我不想去西方極樂世界，我覺得那裡比較寂寞，我想回到鄉里，做個小小土地公，還是可以照看妳們。」
 
爸爸眼中霧氣深沈，在選擇回小鎮當律師時，他早已看淡物質名利；在為生命奮力掙扎時，他最不捨得還是家。
 
高燒過後，他正式把心願託付給我。「我不要在醫院走，我要回家。」我許下承諾：「我知道。」
賀伯颱風前夕，爸爸在醫師允諾下，意識清楚返家。風雨之中，他時時望著窗外：這處他用一生守護的家園。四天後，他在自己的床上過世，姿勢就像睡著一樣安詳。陷入昏迷前，他叮嚀我的最後一句話是：「下禮拜再回來。」
今年清明，我和哥姊一起上墳。在新厝整理香燭蔬果，備幾道爸爸生前愛吃的食物。女兒問我：「媽，我們為什麼要在西螺買房子？」我望向堆著雜物的客廳，尋覓當年想法：「我曾經有一個夢，想在退休以後，回來和阿公一起住。」舊夢已遠颺，淚，瞬間湧上。
  我攬一攬女兒：「走吧！我們去看阿公。」墳頭的草郁郁青青，墓碑上的爸爸穿著律師服，淡淡笑著。
  我們憶起：百日後，各自夢見爸爸，他或是壯年，或是老年，都是笑容依舊，此後，爸爸就不曾再入我們夢中。
 
失去父親三年，生命，難免顛簸難行，但是，我們彼此用心扶持，很快走出風雨，重見陽光。墳前，我們輪流撐傘，媽媽交代：要撐起傘，爸爸才能安心享用。我望著 爸盛年英挺的面容，低聲說：爸，吃飯了。」白花花陽光下，不見爸爸身影。不過，我相信：爸爸一定離家不遠，因為，不管身在何處，我們一直都離家不遠。


原繕打該文者言：
在報上看到這篇文章，我看得無法自已。利用深夜，坐在電腦前，一句一句看，一字一字打，縱然不再是初次閱讀，淚水，仍一次一次順著臉頰滑落，是某種情愫牽動 著吧，我想。故事很長，謝謝你很有耐心的看到最後，即使明知很長，我還是只想將故事打完；即使明知故事很長，你還是堅持著把它讀完朋友，此刻，我只想說： 謝謝你！！
  家人是最珍貴的寶物，愛情也許會變淡，友情也許會消失，而家人永遠在你最需要時，在你身後靜靜的守候。
所以請你－－可以的話，對你的家人好一點。





據小站上風雨夜的查證, 這篇是台北衛理女中國文教師廖韵芳老師的作品, 據說是 2001 年票選最佳散文. 

我看 xporting raymond

everybody loves raymond 來說, 在看exporting raymond 時,有一個問題不斷被提出來, 那就是, raymond 的製作人在不斷面對俄國劇組的問題和不願意合作, 他說, 難道, 俄國人就沒有婆媳間的矛盾?  就沒有親家之間的摩擦?  因為 everybody loves raymond 基本上就是根據這個核心問題來推展出來的幽默短劇.  但是, 俄國劇組常常有人感覺, 俄國家庭不是象美國家庭那樣的. 

製作人了解到這個情形, 他也同意, 在某些方面會有所不同. 但是基本上的矛盾和摩擦仍然存在. 也因為如此, 最後劇組和製作人才能成功的推出俄國版的 everybody loves raymond. 

禮儀用語 鈔的

中華文化禮儀用語：（幾近失傳）
頭次見面用久仰，很久不見說久違。
認人不清用眼拙，向人表歉用失敬。
請人批評說指教，求人原諒用包涵。
請人幫忙說勞駕，請給方便說借光。
麻煩別人說打擾，不知適宜用冒昧。
求人解答用請問，請人指點用賜教。
贊人見解用高見，自身意見用拙見。
看望別人用拜訪，賓客來到用光臨。
陪伴朋友用奉陪，中途先走用失陪。
等待客人用恭候，迎接表歉用失迎。
別人離開用再見，請人不送用留步。
歡迎顧客稱光顧，答人問候用托福。
問人年齡用貴庚，老人年齡用高壽。
讀人文章用拜讀，請人改文用斧正。
對方字畫為墨寶，招待不周說怠慢。
請人收禮用笑納，辭謝饋贈用心領。
問人姓氏用貴姓，回答詢問用免貴。
表演技能用獻醜，別人讚揚說過獎。
向人祝賀道恭喜，答人道賀用同喜。
請人擔職用屈就，暫時充任說承乏。

I meant to say...

I played tennis with Michelle twice recently.   It was fun.  Her comment on the difference between my tennis and hers was interesting.  I was saying that my power was weak, for she had to step forward to receive my return.  She said that when I return a ball, some of my balls spun quite a bit.  Hers on the other hand, was quite flat.  But it was powerful, I thought.  If she has the power to make the ball to reach the end of the other side, it must be easier for her to practice spin as well...  And I wonder why my ball spun?  This was certainly not intentional.  But the way I exert my power must have something to do with this effect...  I hope if I continue to do kettle bell, it would help me to develop some power.  And I'd like to know how I spin a return...




當我說中國近代史不需要改，　但是需要更多中國人來寫，　我的意思是台灣香港的人, 甚至韓國日本高麗蒙古越南泰國等....  他們比較沒有受到共產黨的教育.  大陸人在說改寫的時候, 實在和我想的很不一樣...  或許他們的改寫會比較接近台灣和香港的寫法, 至少在會脫離一點那種共黨用詞吧...   雖說我覺得那和英國的用詞滿象的... 



I have a cousin, D.  He is an Usan.  My aunt who's a twin with my Mother would tell my mom that my cousin D complained everything that is wrong with him to his mother.  Then he would add it's all my aunt and uncle's fault.  My aunt must be very stressed out over this, she's not one that complain too much about her life, especially about her in laws.  My Mother told me this.  And I would be annoyed.  How could he say that in front of his mother.  Very disrespectful. 

However, recently my thoughts was sipped in by the similar thought.  This is sad.  Very very sad.  If by hearing other people saying it would annoy me, just imagine how mad I would be to produce that same thought on my own? 

I do think I have some identity issues.  I don't understand though is why I am so repressive right now?  About a month ago, my other uncle and aunt came to our house for lunch, for their kitchen was remodeling.  As usually they talked about the situation of my grandpa.  Then my uncle said:  "我相信久病無孝子."  I wonder how he felt about what he said right after he said it.  I know how I would feel.  Terrible.  If you want me to guess how he felt right after, he probably felt down a little as well. 

But we can't control how we feel...  Feeling is like weather.  How could I accuse one feeling to be evil, and others to be angel?  What we can decide, according to many of my readings, is that we can decide which feeling we want to sit on.  But that makes me feel cold, cruel, and impersonal.  Detachment is a better word. 

What sipped into my mind was that I felt I was like my Mother and Father.  But my sister got a better part of both of them, I got the opposite of what she got.  I felt very much stressed by the thought and feeling.  Because I can see, as clearly as I can right now, how much was put into developing me.  There's no need to mention about materials.  Just the time, and the energy. 

Eventually, I know it's the cowardice in me.  Not my Mother or Father.  But it would so easy to blame other people.  I cannot simply dwell on words, or thoughts, or feelings.  I have to use my senses, my eyes, noses, ears, touches, to sharpen my perception, in the hope to get out of myself and get in touch with the outside world. 

wobbly tubbly doobbly

I felt strangely alienated.  IT is not a good feeling.

饅頭, 一種很容易做的食物.  我花了至少七八年, 終於做的像樣一點.  第一次看到舅媽做, 那可有多興奮.  那是在大學吧.  我自己做了一大堆帶到學校去.  那時是大二, 受不了室友, 很少回自己的寢室.  有時候就帶著一個饅頭到圖書館.  還記得走在冰冷的晚風裡, 有時候坐在湖邊的石頭上餵餵加拿大雁, 當然, 大多數還是自己吃掉了.  那之後, 我做饅頭就很少成功.  滿奇怪的.  自己似乎很不會照方抓草藥.  當然, 可能也是不想照著舅媽的方子做, 他做的很像麵包, 只是外國的麵包是烤的, 他的是蒸的.

最近照著孟老師老麵的方法做出的饅頭都很成功.  可是無論是給誰, 舅舅, 胡熒阿姨, 林再榮阿姨, 或者是小瑋, 他們的反應都沒有很強.  這就使我想起來大概半年前, 去東海園時叫了一個饅頭, 老闆有點訝異的說, 你知道, 饅頭裡面什麼都無喲...  我想到這事就好笑.  一定很少人要饅頭, 這東西就象我妹夫說的, 又無鹽, 又無糖, 裡面也無餡, what's the point?  哈哈哈哈!

我今天早上在吃饅頭, 就在想這個問題.  我想這是否和我老爸有關係?  我爸也算榮民, 沒有老兵不吃饅頭吧?  我們住在台北金華街的時候, 金山南路上有家很有名饅頭店.  我們也不算天天吃, 但總是會吃到幾次.  在其他地方, 像是南門市場, 東門市場, 都有賣饅頭. 印象中的老爸也滿喜歡吃饅頭的, 單吃, 加鹽加油煎了吃, 沾豆腐乳吃, 夾滷牛肉...  不知道這是否有影響?  我想總是有的.

媽媽在去蘇州之前也提到外公以前也會吃饅頭配花生.  前幾天媽媽又提到了他以前在蘇州的時候沒吃過沒剝皮的花生.  他吃的花生都是去皮, 看起來白白黃黃的花生.  到了台灣後, 他 很吃驚看到台灣人都吃帶皮的花生, 他覺得他們很土.  可是現在都流行起吃皮來了, 所有的營養都在皮上.  媽媽覺得很有趣.  故記之.

I find it interesting that if i started to read my article while I was in the process of writing it, it usually means that I could not find anything to write anymore.  Even though I feel I still got many  things to write about.  Would it be because that I want to correct myself?  But who said that, "I don't worry too much about my errors. "  It was from an interview with Steve Jobs in 1994, or 1996, I am not sure.  If it was true, then maybe I should read it before I finished everything?  Although most of the time, the reason I started to read my article was because I don't know how to continue the article...  Such an irony?


It should not be the history facts that related us into a nation.  It should be the current news!  History should be a way to study one's self.  But current news makes every citizen under one national banner.  After studying history, one should learn about one's self.  Tao then contradict itself.  Because every thing a person learned from any subject, including History, his or her action is the current news!

spread your wings and takes to the sky...


I like kettle bell. 

史近代

看到拙貼了一篇文章有關近代史.  拙認為從寫近代史有助於中國民族主義的土壤.

文章開頭引出兩位外國學者對中國近代史的看法, 他們認為應該要重修.  之後文章由同意這個觀點來反對革命.  但最後一段說:


　　'"近代中国历史叙事模式的改写是一个艰巨工程，既需要执政者的胆略智慧，也需要不断向民众做深入细致的说服，让真相呈现出来，让大众自由拣择。一个多元的近代史叙事，只是在先前“革命叙事”基础上进行修正、补充，适度容纳某些“现代化叙事”的要素。'"



我覺得很可惜, 即使兩位外國學者是學術上的發言, 這篇文章卻是黨爭意識形態.  是為了共產黨目前的政治標語, "和諧"  兩字的註腳.

我查了查, 是有這兩個外國學者的發言.  但是, 都沒有提到重寫中國近代史.  這篇文章的黨爭意義在我眼裡更濃.

不過, 我覺得我是可以了解拙的本意. 只因為他提到民族主義.  我想他對上次的反日和不斷加強的愛國情緒很有印象. 這基本上和我對大姨說的一樣, 大陸需要提出一個或一組超脫國家之上, 脫升功利的全人類嚮往的最高標準.  不然, 出現的將是國家主義的強烈湧現.  現在的共黨不如以前, 是因為以前有這樣的一個最高標準, 他可以整合中國所有民族.  而現在,這恰恰是他所缺少的. 

另外, 有關歷史的部分.我實在不能茍同所有教科書上的歷史.  我自從看過章太炎在九一八之後對於歷史的說法, 我就覺得有點心冷.  是的, 所有學校, 無論是地球上的哪個國度, 無有一個不是這樣教歷史的.  拿美國為例, 高中時, 或許比較少填塞, 可是在那之前, 早已填塞過了.  填塞的東西也和章太炎的目標是一致的.  就是由歷史的灌輸, 來達成國家印象的堅固.  這是很可惜的.  但是, 我也可以想像這是有其必然性的.

這種必然性和拙想脫離的悲情有點關係.  這種必然性我不確定我能說出來.  但是, 這種悲情, 我卻可以稍微在意義上擴展  文章裡以南京條約作為近代史的開端, 我想這或許是吧.  無論這事情的結果是否中國現代化, 這個過程, 將永遠是悲情.  即使他只是一個童話的破滅, 他都會帶來淡淡的哀愁.  我們不能因為這個事件最後的演變結果是完美的, 即使最後中國真的富強了, 我們就完全平靜的來看這個事件.  如果真是這樣, 就讓我想到在 Chinatown 最後的那句台詞, "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown."  我們怎能忘記如此悲情?  這一百多年來, 不斷追求的鞭策我們的就是這悲情.  一旦有人慢下來, 不求新求變, 就會有人用這種悲情來儆醒.  文章裡說的革命, 實際上是這悲情.  而非革命, 尤其是共產黨口下的革命... 

centergy sequence

centergy sequence:

warm up
cardio
strength
balance
back core muscle
front core muscle
hip
spine/twist
stretch
corpse

抄錄

紀德說的:


"想要 '認識自己' 的毛蟲永遠也變不了蝴蝶."

讓日子就這樣順其自然地過下去吧, 卸下我的盔甲, 所謂 "得失", 哪裡是可以從計較中得來或失去的呢? 

寫生者---席幕蓉

beets recipe

I got this recipe from simply recipe site.  It was so good, especially with orange zest(peel in small pieces, could be flaky, or thin strips).  After putting everything together, it need to put aside to let every smells, taste, flavor or whatnot to come together. 


Ingredients

• 2 pounds red beets, medium sized, scrubbed clean, green tops removed 
• Olive oil
• Salt
• 1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
• 2 teaspoons sugar
• 1 teaspoon grated orange zest
• Freshly ground black pepper

Method

1 Preheat oven to 400°F. Line a roasting pan with aluminum foil. Place the beets in the pan. Rub olive oil over the beets, and sprinkle with salt. Cover the beets with another sheet of aluminum foil. Roast for 1 to 2 hours, depending on the size of the beets and how old they are. After 1 hour, test every fifteen minutes by poking a beet with the tines of a fork. Once the fork tines go in easily, the beets are tender and cooked. Remove from the oven.
2 While the beets are cooling, prepare the balsamic glaze. In a small, shallow sauté pan, add the balsamic vinegar and sugar. Heat on high until the vinegar has reduced to a syrup consistency. Remove from heat.
3 After the beets have cooled for several minutes, but are still warm to the touch, peel off the outer skins and discard. Cut the beets into quarters or more, bite-sized pieces.
4 Place beets in a serving bowl. Pour balsamic glaze over the beets. Stir in grated orange zest, and add salt and pepper to taste.
Garnish with a little orange zest to serve.

* Notes to self:  I did not use olive oil before or after.  I did not use salt before roasting.  I did put very little in the 4th step.    My temperature was not 400 F, but 375.  I did not use the quantity of beets, vinegar, sugar, or orange zest given above.  And as I said, it need to be put aside for at least 15 minutes.  I put them in refrigerator for about 20-30 minutes.  The roasting time cannot be too too long, if beets were to mushy, it won't be good.   

movies recently

Get the Gringo was really good.  I am so glad to see Melgibson in a fun movie. 

Snitch, I think it's probably the best dwaynejohnson movie I've seen.  It's not really an action movie.  The main character doesn't need to be acted by DJ.  But I think with DJ in place and intentionally made him vulnerable like a common people, it adds something to the movie and showcased DJ's ability to act.  I love it.  It also is a political movie, it showed us one unfair law. 

Silverlining Playbook, was a very fun movie.  I could not it as a movie for people with those disorders though.  As a romantic comedy I think it was really awesome, it should be ranked with BJ's diary, Sleepless in Seattle...etc. 

Guilt trip, with sethrogen and barbrastreisand.  I took a risk on this one.  I could predict the ending even the process.  But the movie did not disguise itself.  When it's angry, it's angry.  When it's funny, it's funny.  I liked it.  I watched with my mom, she liked it a little as well. 

Sunday random event

I went to uncle's house to mow his lawn yesterday.  There was no need to do that yet.  Mao and Michelle came to the street to practice their staffs sequence and saw me.  Michelle invited me to their lunch at Dumpling house in Boston Chinatown.  I hesitated but said yes.  Michelle said, "you know you want the food, Jack..."  I wonder how did she know...  lol  But by inviting me, they need a bigger car, so Michelle went to borrow her mom's mini van. Alex came first, shoot a few videos with Mao and Michelle's staffs sequence.  Mao shot a sequence of Alex's as well.  Later, Alex's mom, Inga and brother, Nick came.  Then we were off to Boston.

I was surprised to see Caroline at the Dumpling house.  After we went in the restaurant, I was more surprised to find out that she's engaged, or married to Will, who's a senior or junior when I went to High School.  The restaurant was packed as usual.  Caroline's dad owned the restaurant, and he already ordered tons of food for us.  We, about 8 people, occupied two of the biggest table in the restaurant.  It was past 2pm, but there's still a line outside.   In the mid process of consuming our lunch, 4 other people, a dad brought his three sons, 5, 3, 2 yrs old, joined us.  Even with the new comers, it was a fat chance for us to finish all those food.  Eventually, we packed about 60-70% food to go.  Caroline paid the bill, she said it's a send off for Michelle. 

Though as full as we were, to the pastry shop we went next.  After that we said goodby to Caroline and her hubby.  Unbelievably, we went to the smoothy store next.  Then silky way, then some turtles on the street.  We went to Boston Common at the end.  Those three kids seemed to have a good time.  Alex, me, and Allen (three kids' dad), were playing a ball I packed in my bag.  Alex and Allen did some martial art spar too.  Mao and Michelle relaxed on the side with Nick and Inga.  We left at about 6, with a dark, thick cloud over us.  Then came the shower.  After a week of toasty weather, it was really a joy to have such a good weather, and ended with a blessed shower. 

some thoughts for today

I watched kundun.  It's a movie about Dalai lama.  It kept reminded me of many images and memories of the last emperor.  I guess they really have something in common.  They were both started in very early age.  They were both brought up by men of unique professions.  They were both separated from their family,  although there's different level of separation.  They both faced extra ordinary time in the history of Zhong Guo.  The custom, the clothes, the many other everyday life things had many resemblance in the movies as well. There are differences between them, of course.  The most stark one, I think is that I can see difference between Tibetan and Han, but not much from Manchu and Han.

I don't like the movie as much as the last emperor.  I felt the last emperor presented a man with better clarity while kundun had many muddy spots.  I don't think Dalai could separate himself from the secular life, mainly political, economical, aspect of tibetan government.  But the truth was that this little boy could not really touch the sensitive topic of political and economical aspect of tibetan daily life.  What I want to say is that the political structure of tibetan was murky at best while the movie focused on Dalai.  And yet, a boy who has no power over political and economical daily life, the destiny was rested upon solely on his shoulders.  When there was big decision to make, and Dalai wondered what his subjects thought, he could only get an answer like, "what do I know, I am nothing but a bug."

I am no Buddhist, but I don't think it is fair to put such decision on such a boy, only a teenager, no matter how smart, how spiritual he was.  And I wonder how much was Dalai's decision made affected by the political core around him.  Although his subjects would humbly saying they were bugs, but Dalai was raised by them, surrounded by them, and they are his only source for outside world... 

It does not need to say much about how horrible communist party was.  And yet, here we had a feminine Mao Ze Dong...  It seemed weird.  And I think just by doing this, the movie fell short.

The movie was still grand in terms of many ways.  But murky political situation render the portrait of a man incomplete.  I also would like to point out that the story seemed one sided.  But if audience realized the one sided story, I think it's a valuable movie. 




 ------------------------------------------------------


My heart is unstable.  Unrest and yet numb.  I am scared, very much so.  Very very much so.  I have lost will to live, I feel there's nothing to hold me in this life, not even my mother, my sister, Bao Bao, or No No.  I don't want to play video game, I play basketball alone.  I can't interact with people.  I felt a bubble around me when I am with them.  I don't enjoy eating, or drinking, nor do sleeping and pooping.  Reading seemed obsolete, movies lost its weight.  Totally silent in my mind, dead would be a more proper word.  I am a coward.  A Coward.  A dog with its tail between its legs.  How much am I left?


------------------------------------------------------

那最後一瞥

我從蘇州回美國的那一天早上十點, 外公帶媽媽和我去吃最後一次陸振興.  像往常一樣, 外公看我吃完了, 就教阿姨帶我去隔壁街的市場逛一逛.  這是我第二次去這條很窄很窄的街, 很傳統很傳統的市場.  小販和攤店沿著小巷,大塊大塊的肉放在桌上, 草編的淺籃子裡賣著菜葉, 豆子, 和莖塊, , 塑膠盒裡灌著水養著鰻魚, 和其他水族, 也有賣各式糕點.  巷子裡是真正的摩肩擦踵, 人頭湧動.  潮濕的道路上滿是菜葉, 和不平的路面.  乾貨的店面看起來還好, 但是, 賣水族和肉類的店裡都又陰又潮. 

走著走著,開始有點噁心.  看看左邊盆裡的鱉,右邊塑膠袋裡擠滿滿的蛙, 鉆板上血淋淋魚, 和紅色的肉.  顧客和店家似乎無視於這一切, 正在大聲的討論貨物和價錢.  就在這時, 我經過一個店面, 我已經忘記那是啥的店面了.  只記得, 一個大概十六七歲的男孩, 抱著他的貓坐在他要賣的貨物後面. 他似乎忘記他在市場裡, 他懷裡的貓安安祥祥的任他抱著.  旁邊的嘈雜, 人群的忙碌, 和這個小男孩很不搭調.  好像他其實只是兩個店面中間的一堵牆, 牆上畫了一個抱貓的小男孩. 

感覺很奇怪, 可是卻也很有同感.  經過了三個星期的旅行, 我很想我的貓.  很想抱抱我的寶寶. 

blubbering

I fear to be like my dad, my uncle, and now my grandpa.  I saw many flaws in them.  I saw those flaws in me.  Although I know they all have their own merits.  I can't find those merits in me.  I saw flaws in people, I distrust them for this, it seems.  Yet, I saw merits in them as well.  I do not have those merits.  I gross myself out. 

I have keen sense of being involved in other people's feeling ,thoughts, and actions.  And yet, I could not find my own thoughts, feelings, and actions when I am with them.  I distrust myself first for I cannot forge for what I want?  Or, I just turned my face away from what I know.  If my faced turned, is it because of my fear?  Or, otherwise. 

random thouhts

I used kettlebell yesterday.  It was a very basic swing, basically, I squatted with back straight, both arms holding kettlebell straight, swing towards behind my butt naturally and effortlessly.  Then with a thrust in the hip, stand up and swing the kettlebell up with momentum of the hip thrust.  Arms are only for guiding and should be too forceful.  My goodness, my butt and inside of thighs can feel the power of this movement! 

--------------------------------------


I need to buy card and print some photos to mail to Su Zhou... 

--------------------------------------

I felt a twinge of sadness when I saw kettlebell...  Because they were using the same thing in China dates back 600s....  I went to utoob, there are bunches of video of stonelock players...  And yet, people knew kettlebell and not stonelock.  I find it funny and sad... 

-------------------------------------

I feel I have many things to do.  But I feel scared. 

電影感想

看完一代宗師了.  我覺得是一部道具華麗的電影. 道具華麗指的是從服裝設計, 到背景, 到特效都精心講究.  華麗之級. 

對白基本上是霧煞煞.  整部電影的對話都是廢物. 台詞如果都單獨來看, 我覺得, 有些還滿有意思的.  但是,變成人們的對白時, 感覺是形式重於內容. 

武打上, 我覺得沒有太多飛來飛去.  但是, 跳舞的現象更重.  越想細膩呈現 "武術", 越把武術帶入假的境界. 

劇情上, 有一個部分我很喜歡.  那就是葉問在抗戰時期的那一個過場.  雖然不到兩分鐘的過場, 卻有一種匹夫無力可回天的感覺.  和甄子丹那一部相比, 可以看出劇組和導演的著力點不同.  這是一種進步.  但是, 亂添角色, 像張震, 完全不知道爲啥要拍他...  浪費... 

演員在我感覺大多派不上用場.  幾乎每個人都只是導演的棋子.  章子怡或許例外.  李安說章的臉有一種迷濛之美.  在這部電影裡, 我才看出來.  

這是一部太過華麗空虛的片子.  我覺得導演和劇組力求不落俗套, 很值得讚賞.  可是, 這電影給我的感覺是建立在空虛的外太空.  想要把握武功, 結果變成道可道非常道.  想要描繪人物, 卻因為人物混雜, 變成拾貝殼的小孩.  對白上, 絞盡腦汁, 卻落的個空頭支票. 

蘇州行腳

媽媽總是說, 我這次去蘇州是我最幸運的事. 這是真的.  這次佩蘭阿姨去, 和之前媽媽兩次蘇州行的經驗.  我是唯一從中獲得巨大利益的人.   不知怎麼的.  我卻是滿肚子煩愁. 

我們一到外公家就是火藥味.  外公從不諱言, 他和大姨在作戰.  大姨總是說, 外公有老年癡呆症.  但是, 他在外公面前講話, 是很少退讓的.  媽媽在那邊的三週遇到他倆大聲的時候, 總是表現的非常緊張.  到了最後第二還是第三天, 我們快走的時候, 大姨終於忍不住把夜陪的事當面和外公攤出來.  那是我見過他倆最僵的時候.  外公用手拍桌子, 大吼起來.  小燕子阿姨和媽媽都在旁趕緊勸解.  我是受不了了, 就說我出去走走.  出門的時候, 很用力的把門甩到關.  到桂花公園一個長凳上待了一個小時半.  回去的時候, 小燕子阿姨的弟弟來拜訪外公. 

我這次去之前, 就沒打算玩太多東西.  大家都說, 要好好計畫哪兒玩.  我只把蘇州古城地圖看一看.  我知道媽媽這次去也是只能跟著外公待在屋裡.  我想, 我有大姨帶著, 跑跑一兩個園林, 看看他的博物館也就差不多了.  那裡想的到, 我幾乎天天泡在外面.  幾條大街也都用兩條腿走過了.  園林也看的所剩無幾.  甚至東山, 周莊, 靈巖山, 瓊隆山這種坐車要一個兩個小時的地方也跑了.  還差點要跑杭州和上海.  我真的是幸運的不能再幸運了.  但是, 跑那麼多地方, 卻不是我認為最棒的地方.  最棒的事情是和大姨聊天. 

去蘇州之前,見過大姨幾次.  不過都沒有啥深談.  我的確是一個很不善於言詞的人.  如果旁邊有人, 我一定讓別人講, 我聽.  就這樣, 我錯失之前的機會.  這次, 大姨帶我到處走,我覺得我好像講話講的不少.  但是, 我很清楚我自己, 我如果有說話, 真正及於己身的必定很少.  我總是說一點話, 然後從大姨嘴裡得到我很想聽的故事.  一個會講故事的人必須具備什麼條件?  口齒清晰, 腦袋靈活, 記憶清楚, 興致高昂.  大姨就具備這四樣.  我們在網師園, 他就講講何家的珍寶, 蘇州博物館的小氣.  走往平江路的時候, 他就講講文莉小時候跳舞的故事.  在獅子林, 他提到文莉的作文, 文莉在這裡躲貓貓的故事, Dwight 摔跤和樂樂的身影.  在某個文化宮(書和多媒體的店)裡, 他談到好親婆的故事.  在公車上他也指給我看他祖父最後住的地方.  他講的眉飛色舞, 但是也有他覺得可惜的事情.  例如他在平江路上就說他浪費了文莉的才華.  在滄浪亭, 他對蓓莉的東北愛情經歷也表示可惜. 

他講最多的, 尤其是後來, 還是外公.  有趣的是, 媽媽陪著外公, 聽到最多的也是大姨.  媽媽回來後說外公的聲音依然在耳邊回繞.  我說, 我也是, 但是, 是大姨的聲音. 

我的寫作

我最近都無法寫什麼.  文章寫到一半, 就發現其中思想貧乏,言語乏味. 想寫那本老虎的心得, 寫不出來.  想要寫電影的評論, 寫不出來.  可是並不是沒有東西, 那種情緒瀰漫, 而又無處宣洩的苦楚, 令人發狂. 

一定是中文退步了.  英文又不達不上可以拿來描述自己的情境的標準.  很可能也有其他原因.  既然不能當面講, 就要可以寫.  每次寫就像在一個圓形迷宮裡, 不斷的走, 沿著圓環繞啊, 繞啊繞.  憤怒不足以說明. 

Another quote

“A nation that makes a great distinction between its scholars and its warriors will have its laws made by cowards and its wars fought by fools.”

---Thucydides, The history of the Peloponnesian War 

I read it from a book called What it is like to go to war.   

海大上觀後感

我很喜歡這一部電影. 

這是一部很通俗, 但是又有美麗的電影.  在故事上, 他處理一個男人和兩個女人的關係上, 讓我覺得不會陳腔濫調, 也不會過分.  在人物處理上, 每個角色忠奸鮮明, 但是, 往往忠裡還有其他的個性.  奸, 也有程度上的區分.  手法上, 不斷跳躍在不同的時代裡, 但是, 每一個過場都不浪費, 也不顯累贅.  更重要的是, 沒有混亂, 可以看出導演的老練. 

我也特別喜歡導演安插歌曲的選擇.  一開始我覺得有點突兀, 似乎和當時的情景不完全搭調.  可是也不知道爲啥, 蘋果和橘子在導演的安排下, 不由得觀眾不跟著導演的鏡頭一幕一幕的走下去.  在高爆炸後的背景裡, 觀眾早已進入角色的心裡, 外在的環境只當成是內部的反應. 

這也是我期待已久的周潤發. 之前的幾部都完全無法看到我所喜歡的周潤發.  另外, 黃曉明和袁泉也非常的關鍵.  不能不提的這部戲裡的大壞人也是非常的成功.  沒有壞角的發揮, 整部戲就塌了.  基本上, 每個演員都有很棒的演出. 

最後, 我還是要說, 整部片子, 歷史的背景都是點到為止.  點到國民政府的地方通通不是大奸, 就是貪婪.  基本上, 把他們拍的跟軍閥一樣.  以前的港片, 是不提國民政府, 不然的話就是模糊這個題目.  現在則是明說很爛...  這是很令人悲傷的事... 

fun quote

  You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.  

------Plato

I saw it on a wall at tufts new england medical center, kids hospital.


*Funny how a quote becomes a quote....  I looked up on wikiquote, this quote has many variants:


Watch a man at play for an hour and you can learn more about him than in talking to him for a year.

• Attributed to Plato in Confidence : How to Succeed at Being Yourself (1987) by Alan Loy McGinnis, this is probably a paraphrase of a statement which occurs in Letter of Advice to a Young Gentleman Leaving the University Concerning His Behaviour and Conversation in the World (1907) by Richard Lindgard: "Take heed of playing often or deep at Dice and Games of Chance, for that is more chargeable than the seven deadly sins; yet you may allow yourself a certain easie Sum to spend at Play, to gratifie Friends, and pass over the Winter Nights, and that will make you indifferent for the Event. If you would read a man’s Disposition, see him Game; you will then learn more of him in one hour, than in seven Years Conversation, and little Wagers will try him as soon as great Stakes, for then he is off his Guard."
• Variants:
• You can learn more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.
  • Attributed to Plato in Food Is the Frosting-Company Is the Cake (2007) by Maggie Marshall

----------

There's only one sure way to tell the weeds from the vegetable.  If you see anything growing, pull it up.  If it grows again, it was a weed.

------Corey Ford, "Advice to the Home Gardener,"  Look, September 2, 1954

I read it from a book called, The $64 Tomatoes.

someone else's quote

"Everyman gets narrower and narrower field of knowledge in which he must be an expert in order to compete with other people.  The specialist knows more and more about less and less and finally knows everything about nothing."

--------Konrad Lorenz

Random thoughts

First, I want to say that I don't like the my first writing about he book, the Tiger: a true story of vengeance and survival.  It was dry, and it was clearly forced.  I should finished it with the second paragraph. 

I kept thinking about the question of why I love the book so much and yet, I could not really write much about it.  I should ask myself, did I really like the book?  If I did not, then I should stop worrying about it.  But if I did, then what's wrong with me?  I like the book!  There's no doubt about it.  Then why did I just described the things that I read in the book, but I could not express how it interested me.  Every time I think of such question, something was gnawing me.  I felt very uneasy right this moment...  lol 

A good story always pull me into their world.  This book did just that.  And yet, it's not a fantasy story, it was based in reality.  A tiger was deviated from its normal behavior, and devoured two people in a deviated way.  The story of catching it was another incredible encounter.  And yet, here again, I am describing fact, rather than how and what I felt.  What did the story give me?  The feeling is so close at hand, yet it is not. 

------------------------------------

I read another book, called what it is like to go to war.  I saw the author was talking about video media's violence, how it would affect kids, and how parents are responsible to guide kids through violence on tv, video games, or movies...etc. 

The book left quite an impression on me.  I cannot use one word to describe the book, but machoism does jump out of my head right at this moment.  However, it is not a fair words for the book.  I think I use the word because I agree with him on that, as society advance in culture, it has a need to tone down the aggression.  And yet, aggression would never be able to disappear, or even tone down truly.  By attempting to tone the aggression, we rather make people passive.  But passive is aggression's sleep, and during sleep, we as human, could not really learn to deal with aggression.  When aggression woke up, it is a volcano in the rising, and there's no stopping it.  Either that, or I would even say, aggression will disguise itself in another form, some of the cruelist culture practice might be viewed as aggression in disguise?  This is just my guess.  I think I will need to read that book by konrad lorenz, on aggression. 

I like the  book a lot, because it does not disguise itself.  And I felt the arthur was struggling through his post war years to find meaning of his vietnam experience.  It is very interesting to find him coming to term with himself, and realized he will go to war for the love of his folks at home.  He did not abandon aggresion, but tempting to use rationality and training to curb it, to channel it.  Although I think that his attempt is going to fail.  But I like his conviction, I felt it is a very universal value to all humanity.  It would encourage bravery, and honesty, and love. 

歌詞

if i didn't care

Songwriters: LAWRENCE, JACK,
Origin performer: Ink Spots

(Performed by Amy Adams, Lee Pace from Movie, Miss Pettigrew lives for a day)

If I didn't care
More than words can say
If I didn't care
Would I feel this way?

If this isn't love, then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head
Go 'round and 'round
While my heart stands still?

If I didn't care
Would it be the same?
Would my every prayer
Begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love
Beyond compare?
Would all this be true
If I didn't care for you?

("If I didn't care, honey child
More than words can say
If I didn't care, baby
Would I feel this way?
Darlin', if this isn't love
Then why do I thrill so much?
What is it that makes my head
Go 'round and 'round
While my heart just stands still so much?")
(not in the movie)

If I didn't care
Would it be the same?
Would my every prayer
Begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this
Is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true
If I didn't care for you?

書摘

It is a book I am reading now.  The book is called, what it is like to go to war by Karl Marlantes.  I saw the author on Kotaku, it was talking about how video game and other medias could desensitize kids. And how parents are responsible to guide kids how feel about violence. 

I came across an interesting excerpt about how to motivate people to go to war.  The author was talking about guilt and how to lessen it.  He related a story from Indian Epic, Mahabharata, in which an Arjuna, a human warrior, and Krishna, a god who has taken the human form of Arjuna's charioteer.  The writing was written in the form of poetic dialogue called the Bhagavad Gita.  It's a very good example about people are willing to fight for what they think is righteous.  But author also warned that although it might help alleviate guilt and doubt, but it would lead people to believe themselves be righteous. 

-------------------

Arjuna cast his eyes on the grand spectacle.  He saw the heroes ready for battle, and he saw there all those who were dear to him.  They were grandfathers, teachers, uncles, brothers, sons, dear friends, comrades.  he was overcome with compassion for all of them.  His voice shook with grief and he said, "Krishna, I feel an awful weakness stealing over me...Krishna, my head is reeling and I feel faint.  My limbs refuse to bear me up...I look at all these who are my kinsmen and I feel that I cannot fight with them...I do not want to win this war...For the passion pleasure of ruling this world why should I kill the sons of Dhritarashtra?  They have been greedy, evil, avaricious, covetous.  I grant all that.  But the fact remains that they are my cousins and it is a sin to kill one's own kinsmen.  I would rather turn away from the war. It will even be better if I am killed by Duryodhana.  I do not want to fight."  Arjuna collapsed on the seat of his chariot.  He had thrown away his bow and arrows and was overcome by grief. 

At first Krishna tries to buck up Arjuna by appealing to his reason, explaining how critical the situation is.  This fails. Then he appeals to pride, chiding Arjuna fro letting his feelings get the better of him.  This fails too.  Finally, Krishna taunts Arjuna about his manhood...Arjuna is not swayed. 

"How can I aim my arrows at Bhishma and Drona?"  Arjuna asks Krishna. "I cannot do it.  Krishna, you know that I am not a coward.  This is not weakness.  It is compassion for the enemy."  Arjuna sat silent, refusing to fight.  ...Krishna presses forward, this time appealing to religion...the same effect on Arjuna...none.  Krishna finally...appeals to the fact that we humans are caught in existence and we must make choices.  That is, when we are confronted by the very real existence of forces for good or for evil, we must choose sides.  Krishna states in the Mahabharata, "It is not right to stand by and watch injustice being done.  There are times when active interference is necessary."*    ...Krishna tells Arjuna that there are two paths to realization, the path of knowledge by meditation and the path of work for men of action.  These same two paths are identical to those portrayed in our Western mythology, for example the story of the knight of Parzival, which is part of the Grail legend. 

Krishna says to Arjuna: "Remember, no man can be still, even for a moment.  He has to do work.  It is a law of nature that man should work...By not working you cannot live.  Even the bodily functions need work to sustain them. 
"How then can one escape the bondage of work?  By performing a sacrifice for the general good.  That is the secret of work well done.  Work should be done so that others may benefit by it and not you.  Dedicate al lthe work to me, and fight."  

-------------------------

Mythology tells truth by disguising the complexion. 

遊蘇書信往來

之前:

我還有一星期多的時間就要去蘇州了, 在準備的期間裡, 我看了一大堆外公給的蘇州旅遊導覽. 

大多數都是給遊客的, 可我也想跑跑一些不是遊客的地方... 

你們可否也提供一些你們覺得值得跑的地方? 

還有我也想問問大陸那邊最近關於禽流感的消息. 

祝 康樂



小杰

4/20/13

=================

 那天和妈妈通电话也说其带你玩苏州的事，妈妈苦恼没人带你玩，我就劝她找点时间自己陪你。 这样其实也给妈妈一个休闲的时间。  希望你在苏州的那段时间里妈妈有机会陪你至少走一两个地方。 你喜欢历史，苏州又富有历史古迹，所以妈妈是最好的导游，别的亲戚没人能胜任“导游”的，最多是带带路。

不知好公推荐了哪些。  很多园林虽是游客多，但主要看怎么玩，和跟谁玩。  跟着人群穿流而过没意思，要有人讲讲典故历史什么的就很好。  这点来说，如果妈妈没时间，跟旅游团听专业的导游讲讲也是不错的。

至于不在普通游客视线内的，我能想到的大致是孔庙（现为碑刻博物馆），五人墓，环秀山庄（现刺绣博物馆），还有寒山寺外的枫桥等。  我自己蛮喜欢在平江路散步的感觉。 别忘了带个相机。

苏州真的很小，你时间那么多，建议参加一个旅游团到附近的周庄，同里等小镇走走。 亲戚朋友都喜欢带人去园区和金鸡湖，我倒觉得那里没什么，只不过很现代，和这里很像罢了。 是个新苏州的典范，一切都是新的，仿古的。

禽流感的情况要请蓓莉来说说了。  对现在的苏州蓓莉应该比较熟了。

4/20/13  

=====================

小杰，

我周六寄了一盒DVD给你（两片DVD装在一个case里），请带给我妈妈。  里面是她要的照片，还有我推荐给她的两本电子书。  我给她的照片里有一些小玮结婚时的照片。 你看看喜欢的可以留下一份。

收到后给我个E好吗？

4/21/13

=====================

DVD 收到了.  我會轉交. 

小杰

4/23/13 

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不好意思，隔这么多天才回。最近忙得晕头转向了。

禽流感的事，被最近的地震新闻挤一边去了。偶尔看见有散发发现的报道。好像感觉也不是很多的样子。并且，官方一再申请，目前没有人传人的证据。就是上海、苏州那边的情况比北方肯定严重一些。我清明回去，大家都不敢吃鸡。当然，宣教都讲鸡是可以吃的，但一定要煮熟煮透。

这个季节，按理是江南最好的旅游季节。小杰难得去一趟，而且难得可以呆比较久，一定要多走走。不要只呆家里。苏州城里其实没啥味道了。古城旧建筑已几乎全 被破坏，值得去的也就几个园林了。新城比较西化，小杰应该也不稀罕。我个人觉得可以去几个郊区的古镇逛逛，象 甪直，同里，乌镇 （有的已经是进入上海/浙江境内）. 开发工作越不好的地方，反而味道越浓。

4/27/13 

  

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

之中:

各位親切的鄉親父老兄弟們, 大家好:

今天兄弟我已抵達蘇州四個小時了.  現在用大姨的電腦和各位通信. 

今 天, 不對應該是昨天早上我們 check in 的時候, 有一點小插曲.  媽媽的簽證上被蓋了一個印章.  結果給我們 check in 的人, 是個印度阿三, 他們素來以嚴正著稱, 讓我們等了三十分鐘, 問遍了他的同行和經理之後才得以通行.  不過他還是很謹慎的告訴我們, 這種情況很不尋常, 大陸方面甚至可能會把媽媽遣回...  媽媽到了 LA 之後也以很沉重的心情, 打電話給舅舅和舅媽, 請他們轉告姨丈... 

幸好, 一切都順利.  我們只要向大陸海關說, 一切都是美國海關的錯, 就一切 OK!  姨丈還特意給我們準備了計程車! 

看到外公, 大姨和姨丈, 他們三個看起來都很好.  現在剛剛在大姨家洗完澡, 我現在要去外公家睡覺去了.   以後的事得明天在談了. 

謝謝舅媽凌晨兩三點起來載我們去機場.  謝謝各位的鼎力相助, 接下來就要看我是否有魄力去找地方玩了! 


健康快樂

小杰

5/01/13

 ======================

怎麼海關會那樣亂搞咧。。。
安全抵達就好。先睡一覺，第二天一定要跟外公說好你不睡那裡哦！

April

5/01/13

 ======================

你很幸运，用的是hotmail，听说国内上gmail不方便呢。 第一次到苏州，先到处转转，吃点好吃的，不过要小心卫生。 出门不要忘了带相机哦。 有空的话，随时给我们写点update吧。 

拙

5/01/13 

=======================

Jack,

Everything is fine at home.   Your cat is doing fine too and very anxious to see me every time.

舅媽

5/03/13  

======================

从佩兰阿姨和蓓莉处听到了你和好公生气的消息。  大家似乎都很担心，但我一直觉得你内心比大家想象的要stronger。  你自己觉得怎样？  接下来的日子还有信心应付吗？

如果发现自己的情绪开始波动，一定不要犹豫，及时离开那个屋子，到公园或街上去走一走。  和好公日夜相处是个很exhausting的事，没人受得了。  你不要对自己失去信心，这种事，换了别人也好不到哪里去，我妈就无法处理好。

年纪大了，好公的意识越来越封闭在自己的世界里，讲话时已做不到顾及别人的感受，我猜想他现在所有的思维，大概 都是从他自己出发，这一点有点像孩子，只是成人比不上孩子的天真和纯洁，返老还童的样子并不可爱。  所以只能是边上的人自我调节，不要把他的话当真。  千万别和他较真，无论多么大的原则是非问题，不要和他争。

从我妈妈平时抱怨的事情，我可以想象你妈妈在好公身边的日子也不会好过，一定会受很多委屈。  我当初真没想到好公会坚持你们住他家，完全失算，完全没有想到。;-(  不知道这样的安排现在还有没有改善的可能？

如果不能到我妈那里住，我想建议你考虑一下出去玩几天。  你已经陪了八九天，出去个两三天，回来再坚持七八天就大功告成了。  让我妈陪你去杭州玩两三天，好吗？  我直觉我妈妈现在和好公有点水火不容，她在旁边常常起反作用。  让我爸爸留下来陪你妈妈，应该不会有事。  你不必太放心不下你妈妈。 有时人少反而会让事情简单些。  考虑一下好吗？ 梅雨中的西湖很漂亮的，住一个晚上，湖边玩两天足矣。

Take Care!

Wendy

5/09/13

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

之後:

回来了吗？  一路上顺利吧。 回来可以好好休息一下了。  

有关那个我寄给你的photo DVD，等你有空的时候，能否帮我寄到苏州？  我没有留底，那些照片我们还有，只是都散在各个folder里，我当初花了很多时间筛选命名，不想再做一遍，你帮我寄去吧。  不是很急的。

空了说说对苏州和园林的感受？  西湖没去有点可惜，不过去了周庄也不错，我还没去过周庄。

再聊，

Wendy  

21 May 2013

=====================

早上八點多到家(美國東岸時間).  感覺好像經過兩個晚上兩個白天...  lol 
洛杉磯的機場很冷清, 我們等了五個小時.  Newark 機場好熱鬧, 好多好吃的, 我們卻只能匆匆一暼...  le sigh... 

我會幫你寄的...回到家就看到在餐桌上, 氣死我了, 氣死我了.  :D  我會寄的. 

蘇州遊記是一定得出一篇的, 如此盛會, 豈能無隻言片語...  要等等就是了... 

回到家, 看到草木興盛, 感覺恍如隔世...  須要快去割草...  昏倒...  lol 

健康快樂

小杰   

2013-05-21

======================

回家感觉一定好。这二十天，您给我带来快乐。很难忘。欢迎再来。

5/21/13  

======================

先看看照片.  照的不多... 

健康快樂

 小杰

5/22/13

=====================

more! more! I want more!  ;-)    在小站看到新注册flickr可以得free 1tb space，去试试吧。 

第一张是哪里？  还有是谁的包包挂在唐吉可德的脚上啊？ 笑死了！  和燕子阿姨去的是周庄吗？   最后一张是你家的小猫吧？

有没有妈妈家的照片？  （对不起我要求太多了。 呵呵。）

拙

5/22/13