Monday, July 01, 2013

blubbering

I fear to be like my dad, my uncle, and now my grandpa.  I saw many flaws in them.  I saw those flaws in me.  Although I know they all have their own merits.  I can't find those merits in me.  I saw flaws in people, I distrust them for this, it seems.  Yet, I saw merits in them as well.  I do not have those merits.  I gross myself out. 

I have keen sense of being involved in other people's feeling ,thoughts, and actions.  And yet, I could not find my own thoughts, feelings, and actions when I am with them.  I distrust myself first for I cannot forge for what I want?  Or, I just turned my face away from what I know.  If my faced turned, is it because of my fear?  Or, otherwise. 

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