On Peace of Mind

"On my head pour only the sweet waters of serenity. Give me the gift of the Untroubled Mind."


Once, as a young man full of exuberant fancy, i undertook to draw up a catalogue of the acknowledged "goods" of life. As other men sometimes tabulate lists of properties they own or would like to own, i set down my inventory of earthly desirables: health, love, beauty, talent, power, riches, and fame.

when my inventory was completed I proudly showed it to a wise elder who had been the mentor and spiritual model of my youth. Perhaps I was trying to impress him with my precocious wisdom. Anyway, i handed him the list. "This", I told him confidently, "is the sum of mortal goods. Could a man possess them all, he would be as a god."

At the corners of my friend's old eyes, I saw wrinkles of amusement gathering in a patient net. "An excellent list," he said, pondering it thoughtfully. "Well digested in contented and set down in not-unreasonable order. But it appears, my young friend, that you have omitted the most important element of all. You have forgotten the one ingredient, lacking which each possession becomes a hideous torment."

"And what," i asked, peppering my voice with truculence, "is that missing ingredient?"

With a pencil stub he crossed out my entire schedule. Then, having demolished my adolescent dream structure at a single stroke, he wrote down three syllables: peace of mind. "This is the gift that God reserves for His special proteges," he said.

"Talent and beauty He gives to many. Wealth is commonplace, fame not rare. But peace of mind -- that is His final guerdon of approval, the fondest insignia of His love. He bestows it charily. Most men are never blessed with it; others wait all their lives -- yes, far into advanced age -- for this gift to descent upon them."



----------------Joshua Loth Liebman

(錄自: 英美名家散文選, 陳淑玲編譯, Bruce S. Stewart 校閱, 學習出版社)

designs in games that i think is extremely interesting

for oni, the fighting system and the movement design. i have no need to say anything about the fighting system. i think the movement design has a great potential to become a great platformer.

for bushido blade, the weapon system, one hit kill, and body damage design. weapon system was flawed, yet, it's fun. timing and reaction in the weapon system is very important in the series. one hit kill is really fun. but i wonder what would happen with a defense mechanic that players will need to participate. maybe it would be too hard to play? body damage design, is awesome addition to the animation and test for players skill and will.

blade of darknes, the weapon fighting, cutting limbs and head off design. i think the weapon fighting in the game is flawed. but many of its ideas are wonderfully portrayed. for example, the WASD + attack plus super combo is a great idea. cutting limbs and head off is awesome.

prince of persia sands of time series, platforming, gorilla boss fights. i actually intent to call PoPSoT's platforming as navigation system. because in a sense, its platforming is not as free as Mario in 3D. but the level design for this kind of navigation is just superb. i could never forget about he gorilla boss fights in PoP WW. i feel the design give players great sense of control and freedom.

Mount and Blade series, weapon fighting system, level design, mod. it's weapon fighting system is so wonderful, the only flaws are that there' re no fancy combos, and i could not think of a good way to fuse the system with Oni's fighting system. level design is wonderful. the macro level is a stroke of genius! modding is another way to add value and longevity to the game.

random

i want to hear her voice. i wonder if her voice is locked inside of my brain? if it is, is there a way to unlock it, recorded on a CD? i could hear her that way any time of the day. i don't want to talk her or meet her in real. i just wish to hear her voice. that's all.

中美所游擊戰數據統計

columns operating in kwangtung province (may - august 1945)

columns, actions, japanese killed, wounded, captured

one, 25, 168, 101
three, 55, 943, 732, 8

columns operating in hunan and kweichow provinces(may - august 1945)


columns, actions, japanese killed, wounded, captured

two, 94, 1200, 2600, 24(plus 21000 puppets taken over)

four, 167, 1600, 1324, 39(plus 4000 puppets taken over)

seven, 12, 292, 65

yangtze unit, 22, 744




cumulative totals for their active months of service

columns, service in month, japanese killed, wounded, captured, action

one, 14, 2691, 957, 28, 231

three, 11, 3151, 1529, 8, 122

two, 14, 5106, 1642, 64, 435

four, 14, 7950, 2638, 71, 448

seven, 2, 292, 65, 12

Yangtze, 10, 1395, 684, 19, 78


grand total, 20485, 7515, 190, 1326



資料來源: a different kind of war by Vice Admiral Milton E. Miles USN, as prepared by Hawthorne Daniel from original manuscript., 1967 first edition; page. 477, Records for SACO columns operatin in kweichow, hunan, and kwangtung during the last three months of the war - May to August 1945.

老殘遊記 序

嬰兒墮地，其泣也呱呱；及其老死，家人環繞，其哭也號啕。然則哭泣也者， 固人之以成始成終也。其間人品之高下，以其哭泣之多寡為衡，蓋哭泣者， 靈性之現象也，有一分靈性即有一分哭泣，而際遇之順逆不與焉。

馬與牛，終歲勤苦，食不過芻秣，與鞭策相終始，可謂辛苦矣，然不知哭泣， 靈性缺也。猿猴之為物，跳擲於深林，厭飽乎梨栗，至逸樂也，而善啼；啼者， 猿猴之哭泣也。故博物家云：猿猴，動物中性最近人者，以其有靈性也。 古詩云：「巴東三峽巫峽長，猿啼三聲斷人腸。」其感情為何如矣！

靈性生感情，感情生哭泣。哭泣計有兩類：一為有力類，一為無力類。 癡兒騃（ㄞˊ；痴呆，愚笨）女， 失果則啼，遺簪亦泣，此為無力類之哭泣。城崩杞婦之哭，竹染湘妃之淚， 此有力類之哭泣也。有力類之哭泣又分兩種：以哭泣為哭泣者，其力尚弱； 不以哭泣為哭泣者，其力甚勁，其行乃彌遠也。

《離騷》為屈大夫之哭泣，《莊子》為蒙叟之哭泣， 《史記》為太史公之哭泣，《草堂詩集》為杜工部之 哭泣；李後主以詞哭，八大山人以畫哭；王實甫寄哭 泣於《西廂》，曹雪芹寄哭泣於《紅樓夢》。王之言曰：「 別恨離愁，滿肺腑，難陶洩，除紙筆，代喉舌，我千種相思向誰 說？」曹之言曰：「滿紙荒唐言，一把辛酸淚；都云作者癡， 誰解其中意！」名其茶曰：「千芳一窟」，名其酒曰：「萬豔同杯」者， 千芳一哭，萬豔同悲也。

吾人生今之時，有身世之感情，有家國之感情，有社會之感情， 有種教之感情。其感情愈深者，其哭泣愈痛，此洪都百鍊生所以 有《老殘遊記》之作也。 棋局已殘，吾人將老，欲不哭泣也得乎？吾知海內千芳，人間萬豔， 必有與吾同哭同悲者焉！ 。

]

(http://www.tonyhuang39.com/page/cc319.html)

臺灣行的隨想

1. 回去的時間剛好! 不冷又不熱. 連濕都無.

2. 臺北好多人... 在這邊住慣了鄉下, 到了那邊, 我意識裡的節奏通通都亂了. 哈! 真的是鄉巴老了!

3. 外公從上海到臺北只要不到三個小時! 似乎比臺灣北到南坐車還快點!

4. 外公是蘇州人, 第一個星期遇到他的朋友大多也都是籍貫蘇州附近的人. 我這兩個星期吃了至少七籠小籠包! lol!!

5. 臺北的公車加上捷運真的好方便! 美國的公車實在應該要多學習...

6. 去了幾次區公所, 陪別人辦點事情, 我的天. 每個公務員都好像真的是公 "僕"! 簡直不可思議... 選舉的效果乎? :p

7. 第一晚下飛機坐的計程車是綠的. 有點可怕... 結果還給他坑了兩百五十塊錢! 臺北坐計程車有好有壞... 程度好一點的, 還會在座位上標明不談論政治宗教, 連收音機乘客都可以自行選擇.

8. 這次除了小籠包, 燒餅油條, 還有一個浙江的排骨大王! 很爛的店面, 但是實在很好吃.

9. 臺灣的電視臺五分之一是日本臺, 五分之一是英文臺, 五分之三中文臺. 其中, 綜藝節目佔了將近一半. 有一臺有大陸節目.

臺北似乎還可以.

stilwell

joseph stilwell, a controversial figure in the history. people who like him said he's one of the best generals out there in WWII, and he was the one who saw the true potential of common chinese people. people who dislike him said he was loud mouth, militarily lacking, and extremely rude.

i read three american memoirs that mentioned his name so far. the first one was claire chennault's the way of a fighter, the second one was albert coady wedemeyer' wedemeyer's reports, the third one was milton miles' a different kind of war. i also flip through gen. stilwell's diary edited by mr. white and stilwell and the american experience in china, 1911-45 by barbara tuchman. all of these accounts formed a very dynamic profile on gen. stilwell.

i would like to point out that i am writing this words not just because i am interested in gen stilwell's war time experience in china. but also because when the CCP started introducing chinese role in wwii, they glorified gen. stilwell. CCP used gen. stilwell to attack the wartime chinese government. he, gen stilwell, became a very good weapon for a very stupid political propaganda. it's an insult to chinese and general himself.

gen. stilwell knew some chinese, i am guessing it's mostly mandarin. he knew chinese custom quite well. but i am not sure, how much more compared to other USA officers. the indications shown in the books, really did not give me much picture. the example described in the books i felt were mostly common knowledge if a foreigner paid a little attention to the surroundings. he could speak chinese quite fluently. however, as far as i know, many chinese themselves had difficulty understanding each other sometimes. so i am not sure how much and how deep he could really communicate with them actually.

gen. stilwell was a straight forward guy. from the books i've read so far, he was a great leader. he could take care of people under him fair and square. people under him definitely felt at ease and disciplined. this impression was not from CCP's glorified version of him, nor USA military' one sided story of him. the impression was from milton miles. gen. miles liked this man. gen. miles was an action sort of guy. gen. miles wanted to get things done, and the same goes with gen. stilwell. gen. stilwell did not approve what gen. miles did. because gen. stilwell did not trust Dai Li and thought guerrilla warfare was illegal. however, he let gen. miles did his things with Dai Li. He almost never interrupted gen. miles' plans. from miles' description, gen stilwell was a soldier under a lot of strain. from resource relocation to human resource management, gen stilwell was tied between chinese, american, and english, there're huge friction came from all three sides in the highest order. gen. miles had not much trouble from gen. stilwell though. gen. stilwell even liked the intel from gen. miles. from reading gen. miles' book, i had a impression of an old man tough, outspoken, and an attitude of all his own.

gen. stilwell never really led an army on to battlefield in his life before april 1942. that is not to say that he really lacked military intelligence. he was a staff member during WWI. only the brightest member could serve as a staff. however, with complete distrust of chinese commanders and supreme confidence in himself, he boldly required command power from chinese for the first burma entrance in WWII even before he agreed to come to china. this info was written in his diary. it was almost foreseeable that the experienced chinese commanders would have huge quarrels with him during the campaign. so for this first burma campaign, both sides, chinese, and gen. stilwell, blamed each other. people looking back now, they could see the real problem was with the coordination between chinese and english. the failed mission was doomed from the beginning, even if alexander the great was here.

the deeper issue showed from the first burma campaign was not the outcome of the campaign, but gen. stilwell's attitude and the shift of chinese attitude. again and again, one of the interesting points from reading USA military memoirs about that period was the shift of chinese feeling towards western nations. before december 1941, many chinese disliked westners, but after december 1941, the feeling would be even stronger. although japan was a common enemy, an oriental country swept all "imperialist" countries out did something to all the oriental people at the time. i believe there must have effect on some chinese commanders as well. additionally, both gen. stilwell's attitude and english military performance were not much help either. gen. stilwell did not trust chinese commanders' ability from start. from gen stilwell's earlier tour in china, his view of chinese commanders were already ruined. the first burma campaign just cemented his own belief. this belief was further sealed by the OSS and gen stilwell's own staff members. however, lacking many helps from chinese government, OSS and stilwell's own staff members could not gather much useful intel at all. this impression was from gen. miles' book. some may say that gen. miles' point of view here was not fair, because gen. miles had huge quarrels with OSS and army intelligence, aka gen. stilwell's staff members. but i am pretty sure that without Dai Li's help, both OSS and army intelligence would be limited severely. lacking intelligence, with strong belief that chinese commanders were mostly unqualified, gen. stilwell was doomed from his mission. like gen. miles said, going to a foreign country, you will need to respect how they operated. but gen. stilwell was not only a tough man, he's also a man with quite a few words, especially sharp to the superiors. the attitude of this kind can not win anything in his favor. lacking intelligence added oil to the flame.

lacking intelligence was not just a description from gen. Miles. it also came from claire chennault's the way of a fighter. most of the time, USA military personnel and journalists from all over the world were confined in 重慶. OSS had field setup around chinese country. however, most of them did not have access to Dai Li. If you know how complex china really was, you will understand that without much help, foreigners would be very hard to do anything at all. Claire Chennault was part of intelligent collecting to all sidest. however, gen. chennault was in a very bad term with USA army, including gen. stilwell himself. the most obvious example of this grudge between gen. chennault and USA army, was when the reports of ichigo operation came in. gen. stilwell's army was deep in the burma jungle. when he heard gen. chennault's report, gen. stilwell asked his own staff members. they just swept the news aside and said it's just exaggerated news again. gen. stilwell went back into burma jungle. this doomed the gen. stilwell's chance to do anything against ichigo operation. because, even with lend lease, china could not fight two big wars simultaneously.

i once read stimson, USA war secretary under president roosevelt in WWII, saying that he felt that he and his government did not support gen. stilwell strong enough. then he started to blame chinese government. saying that after gen. stilwell was gone, USA government never take china seriously again. i have to strongly disagree with that statement. i think USA themselves put gen. stilwell in a very bad spot. USA government indeed did not support gen. stilwell at all. the conflict between 蔣中正 and gen. stilwell was mostly because USA kept canceling its promises to both 蔣中正 and gen. stilwell. whenever, the cancellations of promises arrived, it's always gen. stilwell's duty to inform 蔣中正. repeat such action again and again, inaction doomed the relation between 蔣中正 and gen. stilwell. early on, gen. stilwell still kept some empathetical words towards 蔣中正 in his diary. but, the depressed atmosphere set in gradually. a desperation for action which i saw in all three generals' words, including gen. stilwell, gen. miles, and gen. chennault appeared. soldiers live for fight. these men were soldiers, including 蔣中正. but 蔣中正 was in a position, where fighting with less certainty was not tolerable. and here again, the words and attitude of gen. stilwell was not helpful at all. he's a soldier, like many of his admirer said. politics was not his game. here's another incredible wrong move for USA government. they put wrong people in the wrong spot. they put gen. stilwell, an excellent fighting general in a spot where, politics and diplomacy was desperately needed. to give a summary view on gen. stilwell's position in CBI area: gen. stilwell did not just need to answer 蔣中正, he also needed to answer to Washington directly. gen. stilwell was also under english command, for he was also head staff of gen. louis mountbatten. it's an extremely complicated and delicate situation. USA themselves killed their own general by moving a fighter to ball room dance. but of course, blame other people was much easier than just looked at their own record.

one of main issues with gen. stilwell was always the grand strategy of army or air support of china. if USA decided to support army strategy, then burma road had to be qualified as a road that could provide enough materials. if USA decided to support air, then could chennault's air field be defended? people now looked at history, it's overwhelmingly easy to say that gen. stilwell was right. however, i wonder how many of them really looked at the burma road's data. and did they know that all over the chinese battlefield, most of the ablest soldiers were in Indy. not where the defenses were really needed. could chinese defended chennault's airfield by themselves? with all the good soldiers and weaponry were in northern burma, i think there's indeed no doubt that china could not hold the ground. whilst our 雲南 y 軍 spend months on 騰衝, japanese ichigo opertaion swept from north to south. gen stilwell's whole grand strategy thing really could not benefit china at all. however, this is the only battle CCP dare to talk about it the most.

why is that? most of historical videos were about second burma campaign. i don't think this is a coincidence. gen. stilwell was a man who supported the idea of using CCP during WWII. and the fact that he slammed war time chinese government was a very important reason why CCP loved to keep talking about him. the word corruption, incompetence, and personal political gain was always accompanied with those "historical" videos. those videos also always loved to use phrases like "chinese soldiers was surprised that they could stand toe to toe against japanese army". this, time and time again, proved those videos are more propaganda than educational. people sometimes argued that this will change. but from my experience, as long as CCP or one dictating party on the throne, there's no change to come. the different views will always be blockaded, twisted, or overwhelmed by sea of propaganda.

music

i am very unsettled. my heart is shaking inside. the stomach and intestines are all turned upside down.

i feel i could not do anything at all. i sit in front of the monitor, surfing youtube, listening to music. somehow music bring me to the present, and it seemed calmer inside.

but there's the background. it seemed that on the background, there are cars rushing, people chattering, and thunder looming afar.

humbug!

一些歌詞

心　　願

　　　　詞︰華夏 曲︰劉家昌


（童安格）五千年的歲月多少腳印和血汗

　　　　　溶入浩瀚壯麗的大地

（張淘淘）從歷史的榮耀淪入近代的悲難

　　　　　和今天一海兩隔的離傷

（周治平）從今起立下心願

　　　　　立足台灣胸懷大陸放眼天下

（況明潔）結成新的血肉長城

　　　　　匯成新的黃河長江

（何如惠）中國呀中國燦爛輝煌

（鄭 婷 ）中華呀中華地久天長

（李傲梅）五千年的歲月多少腳印和血汗

　　　　　溶入浩瀚壯麗的大地

（張鎬哲）從歷史的榮耀淪入近代的悲難

　　　　　和今天一海兩隔的離傷

（黃慶元）從今起立下心願

　　　　　立足台灣胸懷大陸放眼天下

（黃雅泯）結成新的血肉長城

　　　　　匯成新的黃河長江

（合 唱 ）中國呀中國燦爛輝煌

　　　　　中華呀中華地久天長

=========================================

中庸 我殆已

天命之謂性，率性之謂道，修道之謂教。道也者，不可須臾離也，可離非道也。是故君子戒慎乎其所不睹，恐懼乎其所不聞。莫見乎隱，莫顯乎微。故君子慎其獨 也。喜怒哀樂之未發，謂之中；發而皆中節，謂之和；中也者，天下之大本也；和也者，天下之達道也。致中和，天地位焉，萬物育焉。

這是中庸第一章. 我對一般的解釋都不很滿意. 胡思亂想之下, 竟然也有一些想法. 不過孔子說的, 思而不學則殆. 我想想, 現在寫下來, 如果將來有機會, 自己或有長進. 那時再回來看看自己這時的思想, 也頗有意思.

天命之謂性, 率性之謂道, 修道之謂教. 我覺得, 這三句話先把三個字, 性, 道, 教, 他們之間的關係和定義講明了. 在這裡, 所謂性, 即是天命. 道, 就是率性. 教, 就是修道. 如果像數學公式, 我就可以把他寫成, 天命之謂性, 率天命(性)之謂道, 修率天命(道)之為教. 這樣看起來, 念起來都好奇怪. 我稍微解釋一下我的想法.

天命, 就是天賦予人的一切東西. 這東西就是你所有的一切, 包括可見到的或不可見到的; 可見到的是你的身體髮膚, 甚至可以說你的器官; 不能見到的包括你的基因, 你的個性.

率性之謂道. 率性在我看就是人用上天賦予他的身體和個性做事. 這個率字就是用, 或領導, 甚至可以是遵循的意思. 所以在這裡, 道沒啥高深的解釋. 道在這裡就是說, 人用他的稟賦做事. 作啥事? 這不是這裡的討論. 這純粹只是個定義. 文章一開始就決定, 道在這裡的意思就是人用他的稟賦做事. 人用他的稟賦做事就是道.

修道之謂教. 教在我看來只有一個意思, 他可以是改變人用他自己稟賦做事的任何原因. 這個原因可以是母親的棍子, 父親嚴厲的眼神, 鄰居高壯男孩的拳頭, 或者是飢寒富貴. 因為這些東西都可能改變人的行為. 教, 當然或許更可以是一種信仰, 或者是宗教, 或者是一種學術. 只要是對人的行為有所影響的都可以謂之教. 因為他改變了人的行為, 意即修道(人用他的稟賦做事就是道), 這就是我對這一句話的解釋.

如果上我三句話一起解釋, 我說:

上天賦與人的一切秉性叫做性, 人順著自己的個性, 想法, 身體的強弱等等而行動就叫做道, 最後, 我們把對我們的意識行動有所影響的事情, 譬如學術, 信仰, 宗教, 都定義為教.

這就是我對這三句話的解釋. 再來, 我試著用沿著上面的想法來解釋下面幾句.

道也者，不可須臾離也，可離非道也。

這個道, 是否還是指人依秉性行動呢? 我認為是的. 所以整句話的意思就是說, 人必然得依著上天所賦予的本性, 包括思想, 個性, 身體的強弱來做事. 沒有一個人可以例外. 如果說, 某些行動是可以只有嘴巴上講講, 但是卻做不到, 甚至是做到了卻有害於自身, 那麼那個道就不是我們所定義的道.

以上是想了很久很久才想到的. 甚至可以說是今天, 12/30/2009, 才想到的! 長久以來, 我始終都不了解為啥這文章裡只講道, 而不談教. 因為似乎, 儒教應該要談教. 而不是道. 但是今天如果說, 教是任何可以改變行為的因素, 那麼這文章裡的確是不需要談到教. 但是更困難的地方是後面的:

是故君子戒慎乎其所不睹，恐懼乎其所不聞。莫見乎隱，莫顯乎微。故君子慎其獨 也。

我不了解說, 這文章是如何突然從定義性道教後, 轉到說君子都是戒慎恐懼, 要小心他自己獨處的時候... 但是, 他並不是在定義性道教後真的突然轉到戒慎恐懼的. 他是再一次強調行為的定義之後才提到慎獨. 在我看, 文章裡對教是很小心對待的. 不是所要的教都好. 意思是, 不是所有修道的教都是可行的, 我感覺這裡更可以衍生出並不是同一個教對每一個人都適合的意思. 所以我目前對於戒慎恐懼的幾句話解釋為:

因此, 君子對於教, 我在想就是各種, 想法, 信仰, 甚至宗教, 學術都要小心謹慎的對待之. 這些都會對人的行為有所影響, 而這些影響又是如此不容易為人所察覺. 因此一個君子要很真心的面對他自己才是.

再深一曾講, 對於體察自己的行為和心理是需要一番功夫的. 這就是莫見乎隱, 莫顯乎微. 自己內心的感覺, 往往在最微小的行為中顯現. 自己對自己的觀察是得要真心, 也就是慎.

之後中庸第一章繼續說:

喜怒哀樂之未發，謂之中；發而皆中節，謂之和；中也者，天下之大本也；和也者，天下之達道也。致中和，天地位焉，萬物育焉。

這裡我還沒想到哩... 哈哈. 如果要我現在說, 那我就會說, 這一段, 還是先定義了中和. 沒有喜怒哀樂謂之中; 喜怒哀樂發出來和外界的情況沒有相差太遠, 就叫做和. 中也就是沒有喜努哀樂的狀態是自然的本來面貌; 和呢, 就是所有生物個體的表現. 達致中和的狀態, 就好像天地一樣的恆久不變, 但是卻又如萬物孕育其中而生生不息.

現在, 我把所有的解釋放在一起看看會如何:

=======================================


上天賦與人的一切東西叫做性, 人順著這個上天所賦予的稟賦, 包括自己的個性, 想法, 身體的強弱等等而行動就叫做道, 最後, 我們把對我們的意識行動有所影響的事情, 譬如學術, 信仰, 宗教等等, 都定義為教.

人必然得依著上天所賦予的本性, 包括思想, 個性, 身體的強弱來做事. 沒有一個人可以例外. 如果說, 某些靠著教的行動, 根本做不到, (甚至是做到了卻有害於自身,) 那麼那個道就不是我們所定義的道.

因此, 君子對於教, 也就是各種, 想法, 信仰, 甚至宗教, 學術都要小心謹慎的對待之. 這些都是會對人的行為有所影響, 而這些影響又是如此不易為人所察覺. 所以一個君子要很真心的面對他自己才是.

再深一層講, 對於體察自己的行為和心理是需要一番功夫的. 這就是莫見乎隱, 莫顯乎微. 自己內心的感覺, 往往在最微小的行為中顯現. 自己對自己的觀察是得要真心, 也就是慎.

沒有喜怒哀樂的狀態謂之中; 喜怒哀樂發出來和外界的情況沒有相差太遠, 就叫做和. 中也就是沒有喜努哀樂的狀態是自然的本來面貌; 和呢, 就是所有生物個體的表現. 達致中和的狀態, 就好像天地一樣的恆久不變, 但是卻又如萬物孕育其中而生生不息.


===================================================

我覺得其他段都勉強可以, 但是最後一段和倒數第二段卻很有些距離. 似乎本來是在說教的影響, 但是在末段突然轉到喜怒哀樂去. 怪怪的. 我或許可以自圓其說: 因為末二段最後在說要真心體察自己, 所以末段講的喜怒哀樂也就是仔細的體察自己的本性. 但是終究有不通處. 實際上, 我覺得末段是和首段相呼應. 中和性呼應, 和與道呼應. 這應該是不可疑的. 但是末二段和末段的連接處實在得要再用力思考或應證...

鄭燮---乳母詩

12/26/2009 星期六晚上去姚能叔叔家吃飯. 隨手翻閱他架上的藏書. 看到 鄭板橋全集, 裡面的-乳母詩很是令人感動. 回到家後, 在網上找到, 錄之:


乳母費 氏，先祖母蔡太孺人之侍婢也。燮四歲喪母，育於費氏。時值歲饑，費自食於外，服勞於內。每晨起，負燮入市中，以一錢市一餅置燮手，然後治他事。間有魚飧瓜 果，必先食燮，然後夫妻子母可得食也。數年，費益不支，其夫謀去，乳母不敢言，然長帶淚痕。日取太孺人舊衣濺洗補綴，汲水盈缸滿甕；又買薪數十束積灶下， 不數日竟去矣！燮晨入其室，空空然，見破床敗几縱橫；視其灶猶溫，有飯一盞，菜一盅，藏釜內，即常所飼燮者也。燮痛哭，竟亦不能食矣！後三年，來歸侍太孺 人，撫育倍摯。又三十四年而卒，壽七十有六。方來歸之明年，其子俊得操江提塘官，屢迎養之，卒不去，以太孺人及燮故。燮成進士，乃喜曰：「吾撫幼主成名， 兒子得八品官，復何恨！」遂以無疾終。

乳母詩曰：

平生所負恩，不獨一乳母。長恨富貴遲，遂令慚恧久。

黃泉路迂闊，白髮人老醜。食祿千萬鍾，不如餅在手。

(http://blog.udn.com/yan0707/2650336)

english chinese translation of SPICE...

coriander: 香菜.
cumin: 孜然.
fennel: 小茴香.
star anise: 八角(北方稱大茴, 或大料; 南方稱八角 {李梅仙先生說的}, 似乎也有人稱茴香).
bay leave: 月桂葉.


finally...
i hope this time, they are all correct terms....

memorable moments playing video games

1. the first time i played the final stage of pyro in Sacrifice. i dominated Ambassador Buta overwhelmingly. at one point, i got all his souls. and there he was, all alone. i thought to myself. HA! it's a easy kill! so i led my creatures in to kill him. as i approached him, he started to yell out a spell, and i was wondering... how's that gonna do you any good? then i experienced my first devastating power of the ultimate spells in Sacrifice. a pillar of lava shot from ground to the sky, along with rocks flying out of ground. most of my creatures are kill instantly! the rest died by the flying rocks soon afterward. my wizard was killed also. my gosh!!! that was one of the most overwhelming experience i've ever had in video games!!! and i have to say, ever since then, not a single spell effect in any other video games could impress me even a bit!

2. i love total war series. i like history. i think it's natural for those history lovers feeling overwhelmed when they found a game, where players could control army against another army on the battlefield. there are so many precious moments i spent in total war series. one of the most memorable was when i was doing Shogun total war warlord edition's tutorial. the voice directed me in the tutorial was a very good! he gave me a feeling of japanese speaking english. when i followed his direction. he praised me. but the first time i wasn't doing his bidding, he immediately lashed out! and suddenly, it felt like i was really in a training session in japan at that period of time! it was both hilarious and memorable!

3. one of the memorable moment in playing video game was when i was playing MDK. i think it was a very early level in the game. i was blocked by a huge wall. there's no way to go forward. i used my sniper scope to observe what should i do. then i saw it... i was almost laughing on the ground! the enemies was mooning me in a tower behind the wall! they were up there doing all the crazy gestures, laughing at me!

4. there's another very memorable moment in MDK. i think it's either right in the middle of the game, or right pass the mid point of the game. i felt through a shaft, or a hole. then i was trapped! i could not go forward much and neither were the other 3 directions feasible. the place looked great! with green pature and blue sky all around and above me. but i just could not go anywhere! i was so mad! i forgot now how did i come to the solution of that puzzle now. but it doesn't matter. because the solution was so outrageously funny! i just need to shoot! then, all the pastures around me was just pieces of cardboard, which enemies put there to confuse me!! that's the most funniest moment in games i've ever experienced!!

5. king's quest mask of eternity was a very memorable game to me! because it's the first game i've ever bought for PC, one of those decisions made solely by myself without regret! in terms of gameplay mechanic, it's a bit clunky. but there were few things i wish it could make to the other games, ie., the freedom of camera control. one the most memorable video game memories was from that game as well! it's a swamp level. i love the music in there. the music really made the atmosphere in the game! and somehow, the creatures in there were fun to hunt as well! the whole affair felt really like a swamp hunting to me! with a background music that was beautiful!

6. prince of persia sands of time was a very special game! when i first played it, i liked it. but the combat was kind hard to figure it out with mouse and keyboard. there's an important moment in the that suddenly put this game on my favorite list! the moment was in the sultan's bird cage. that where prince first conversed to himself about the feeling towards the princess! immediately, a light dawned on me! and i was thinking...i know...the princess was really something, wasn't she!!! that's almost felt like the first time i saw girls that i treasured in my memories of them!

7. tenchu 1. the moment was in the tutorial. the game's music was very very good. but the memory was when i first used stealth kills. before the first stealthy kills, i had to fight face to face with a few samurais. and those were horrible moments. so i tried to sneak without being noticed. after i got used to the control. i stuck to a wall around a corner. a guard came up without noticing me. i have no idea what should i do next. then, i pressed a button... the rest was history, oh, wait, the guard was history! the awesome animation and pixel blood was just fantastic.... the stealth kill animation of both ninja and guard really gave a tremendous satisfaction!

some people

MiltonE.Miles The Sino-American Cooperative Organization (SACO)
Henry Morgenthau, Jr. US Secretary of the Treasury during FDR (Morgenthau Diaries)
lauchlin currie,
harry dexter white,
w. langhorn bond, head of china national aviation corp
dr. harry baker, former head of the us red cross in china
W. Averell Harriman, US ambassador for Russia from 1943 to 1946
John Birch (missionary), US intelligent officer
Michael Lindsay
Herbert O. Yardley
Bodo von Stein & Erich Stoelzner German military adviser in china
Cordell Hull, US secretary of state under Roosevelt for 11 years from 1933 to 1944
William Henry Donald, an australian news correspondent.
蕭信如(勃) 中美合作所
arthur N. young (books: China and the Helping Hand, China's Nation-Building Effort 1927-1937,China's
Wartime Finance and Inflation 1937-1945)
John Leighton Stuart(司徒雷登)
Donald Nelson China War Production Board Eddie [Edwin A., Jr.] Locke
Bretton Woods system(monetary system, something aout foreign exchange rate)
William Slim, 1st Viscount Slim (first burma campaign english army)
Harold Alexander, 1st Earl Alexander of Tunis(first burma campaign, english army)
cyril roger (抗戰中幫中國搞金融的英國人
Clarence E. Gauss: USA diplomat
Nelson T. Johnson: USA diplomat
archibald clark kerr, 1st baron inverchapel
Sir Hughe Montgomery Knatchbull-Hugessen
horace james seymour
patrick J. hurley
joseph stilwell
claire chennault
喬家才
潘漢年
Alexander Ernst Alfred Hermann von Falkenhausen german military adviser
錢秀玲

羅宋湯

羅宋湯為啥叫羅宋湯呢? 原來羅宋兩個字其實是 Russia! 這個湯是俄國湯! 這個湯傳到上海的時候, 上海人就把這個湯叫做羅宋湯! 我在想, 羅宋會不會是羅剎的上海發音... 其實, 這個用英文來寫好像是: borscht. 傳統上, 這個湯是用甜菜作的. 但是上海人好像不怎麼喜歡. 所以後來又加以改良. 說不定是因為南方比較沒有甜菜, 所以後來, 才改用大量的番茄.

其實, 這一道湯在整個東歐中歐都很盛行. 各個叫法, 拼法也有不同: Czech: boršč, Estonian: borš, Lithuanian: barščiai, Polish: barszcz, Romanian: borș, Russian: борщ, borshch, Ukrainian: борщ, borshch, Yiddish: בארשט, borscht. 各地方的做法也有出入. 例如, 雖說大部分的羅宋湯都用甜菜, 但是好像波蘭的就不用. 可能各人的湯底或許也有所不同, 但似乎從中也可以找到一些規律. 譬如說我在 youtube 上面看到幾個影片, 雞豬牛都可以作湯底. 但是他們都用一個剝了皮的整個洋蔥, 兩片月桂葉, 和一些胡椒來熬那些肉.


以上的資料大多來自維基.

隨想

突然想到的:

對於華人來說, 其實學習中文最好的方法還是背書. 無論是死背, 編成歌謠, 至少要可以念的滾瓜爛熟. 這樣會加深對這個語言的認識! 背書的人不見得是可以說出這樣做的好處在哪兒, 但是我現在突然感覺一定會有巨大的好處!!

我以短淺的認知猜中文對於腦袋有很大的好處. 但是因為太著重在視覺的效果, 對於語音的敏感度有時候會降低. 所以古人對於朗讀非常重視. 因為這又助於聽覺上的接收. 背書的效果是把間接的視覺效果轉而變成比較直接的聽覺. 這樣對於語言和文字的融合有很大的助力!

這個大概是從最近一個國文教師的笑話得來的感想.

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對於中文而言, 現在的標點符號的改進和推廣是一個巨大的進步! 恐怕遠比白話文的推廣還重要!

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random thoughts

steps of making a dreamed game:

first: design a basic PC fighting game. it's game with two fighters on a single flat platform. the gameplay is purely fighting game. but with camera behind character's back. online is essential.

second: design a PC fighting game. it still has two fighters on a single flat platform. but now, players could choose to go hand to hand, cold weapon to cold weapon, or hand to cold weapon combat. camera still stuck behind character's back. online is essential.

third: design a PC fighting game. it's time to give players different play options. the difficulty could be scaled, between total arcade like experience, something similar to the soul calibur, or more towards the realistic gameplay, similar to bushido blade, weapon or hand. it's also time to introduce basic platforming into the fighting game. it means two characters fighting on a single flat platforms no more. hard lock on and soft lock on system should be introduced with basic playforming. camera still stuck behind character's back. online is essential.

fourth: design a PC fighting game. it's time to make fighting mechanics recognize different heights. designers should start to integrate fighting mechanics with platforming gameplay. camera still stuck behind character's back. online is essential.

fifth: design a PC fighting game. if it's popular enough, i'll assume there're modders out there modding the games. either they are tweaking the fighting mechanic, or designing new stages. it's time to refine fighting and platforming gameplay into a much higher level. by which i meant that player's option to adjust games towards more arcadish or realistic. realistic, means that players might have more controls, the fight will be more brutal, like one slash kill. arcadish means, that players have more options for mistakes. the control will be more relaxed. finally, introduce different modes of gameplay involving both fighting mechanics and platforming mechanics.

sixth: design a PC fighting/action/adventure game. the game should be story driven, so designers could facilitate what gameplay or level designs they want their players to experience. make free level design kit to everyone who bought the game. game character fight with hard lock on, soft lock on. he could also enter a state of mind where game characters could not fight but could have a cursor outside of their body to point at other details, something like Sacrifice.

seventh: design a PC fighting/action/adventure/strategy game/RPG game. most importantly, i want designers to add features to the sixth games. the game became a platforms for modders, non modders. it could also be a add on, in which designers hope to accommodate community with ability to use the same engine, fighting mechanics, platformers, to create a game they want to create. designers should think of a way to integrate the already existed with new gameplay mechanics. for example, the players could use the level design kit to design fantasy game. but the original game may not include fireball in it's free level design kit, it's time to add on.

old man

old man went to the boss' office. he told the boss it's time for him to retire. for 30 years, he worked in this job. it is time to go. the boss looked at him with some thoughts in his head. after hearing what the old man had to say, boss started to talk. the man said, yes, indeed, for these 30 years, the old man had worked tirelessly 30 years for this agency. and it's time for him to go. however, he just ran into a problem. boss thought old man was the best man for the job. boss looked at the old man intendedly. then he kept going, com' on this is for old time's sake. we had worked together for almost 30 years. you gotta help me on this one.

wearily looked into boss' eyes, old man came up with a light chuckle. tell me, what's the hot potato? then we can talk.

boss' face seemed relieved somewhat. ah, it's a new agent. this girl just got into FBI about half year. i tried to partnered her another experienced field agents. but it seemed to me nobody could really put rules in her head! boss was almost angry. the face was red. the bold head seemed to be shinier. he stood up and started to walk about. i need somebody who could lead her into field without causing mayhem. somebody who had the experience, the temperament, and the wisdom. ha, and nobody but you fit that description better! boss turned towards the old man, seemed happy again.

he was still the same, old man thought. smile came up a bit. why don't you just fire her then? what's so special about her?

well, the boss sighed a bit, she's senator billman' in law's daughter. old man let a smirk signed on his face. look, i know what you are thinking. but she's very competent. she wast the best sharpshooter in the marine. and even though she broke so many rules in the field during this half year, the cases she involved were all solved. boss exclaimed, red color seemed returned. boss strode back to the leather chair and slumped in there. both the agents i assigned to mentor her said she's very competent. however, besides the disregarding of the rules, she is also overly competitive! it seemed that she has to be on top of everything and everyone. it's okay for her to be that way when she's out there alone sharpshooting in the war. but it's not okay here! that's why i need somebody who's a living legend in the bureau, and that's you. smiled boss looked at the old man.

the old man said, no, jake, this is not my problem. you could just fire her. plus i think i will only slow her down. it's you who pulled me from the field to sit at the table. that certainly made me realize how old i must have been...

boss looked at the old man with a sad look. com' on, john. it's bureau's policy that anyone who's over 65 should be pulled from the field work. and you know we need people with most experience to sit at the meetings! anyway, if you don't like to sit at the table, now it's your chance!

can i go over her files? old man sighed.

yes, of course. boss raided the file on his table. here, take a look at it. you'll know she's competent though needed guidance. this will be easy for you.

looking through her file, old man did not show any signs. the boss sat there with elbows on the table and mouth in the hands. wow, she's very beautiful... old man murmured. he was smiling bigger and bigger while reading the two ex-mentors' report on her. it's comical...

1 year. old man raised his head from the file.

1 year what? john?

i will be her mentor for one year in the field, then you have to let me go. no matter if i banged the rules in her head or not!

ah! great! john, i will definitely hold my end of bargain! you have no idea what much weight you saved me from!

weight? the old man looked at him.

i was too happy, don't mind me! boss laughed out loud.

姚莉-大江東去

中國版的 the river of no return.

大江東去
作詞： 司徒明　
作曲： Lionel Newman / Ken Darby

看流水悠悠　看那大江一去不回頭
有時浪濤濤　她有時靜悄悄
愛情像流水　像那大江東去不回頭
永遠向東流　流到蒼海不停留

為了你　我為大江在呼喚
看她掀起浪濤濤
為了你　我為愛情在呼號　在呼號
走遍那海角和天涯　意中人兒何處尋找
看流水悠悠　看那大江東去不回頭

(為了你　我為大江在呼喚)
(看她掀起浪濤濤)
(為了你　我為愛情在呼號　在呼號)
走遍那海角和天涯　意中人兒何處尋找
看流水悠悠　看那大江東去不回頭

看流水悠悠　看那大江東去不回頭
為了你　為了你　那大江東去不回頭


和原版的比比看:


The River of No Return
Marilyn Monroe

There is a river called THE RIVER OF NO RETURN
Sometimes it's peaceful and sometimes wild and free!
Love is a trav'ler on THE RIVER OF NO RETURN
Swept on for ever to be lost in the stormy sea
Wail-a-ree I can hear the river call [ no return, no return ]
Where the roarin' waters fall wail-a-ree
I can hear my lover call come to me [ no return, no return ]
I lost my love on the river and for ever my heart will yearn
Gone gone for ever down THE RIVER OF NO RETURN
Wail-a-ree wail-a-re-e-ee
She'll/He'll never return to me! [ no return, no return, no return]

life is brief

it's a japanese song i heard from Akira's movie, ikiru.
i loved the movie.
the protagonist was fantastic. one of staggering moment in the movie for me was when the protagonist asking the young lady how was she looked so alive, stayed energetic.
he's asking the question for me...

i like soundtracks in movies sing by the actual actors. the voice doesn't need to be professional, but with good emotional vibe is more important than skills. this goes with a lot of disney's soundtracks.

here it is the song, life is brief. it was sung by the protagonist, i just love it!

generation kill (殺戮世代)

才看完一個 HBO 的小影集, generation kill. 我看過最好的一部戰爭電影/影集之一!

在講述進入伊拉克的先頭部隊裡面的一組 marines 的故事. 故事經過是伊拉克戰爭的最前面的四十天.
美國軍部有鑒於越戰, 伊拉克戰爭的時候特別為了討好媒體, 美軍會同意甚至邀請記者和部隊一起進出. 這個影集就是根據一個和進攻伊拉克先鋒隊一起進出四十天的記者所寫的書來拍的. 影集的製作小組還特別邀請那一組 marines 裡的兩人來當指導.

影集為了求真, 髒話滿天飛, 無辜的伊拉克人民到處死, 所有戰爭的醜惡全部出現. 一些軍官的無能, 前線士兵的無奈, 伊拉克人民的心聲也通通可以看的到. 一個戰爭片, 最重要的是心理表現, 而不是視覺特效. 這是最佳範例.

經過戰爭的人, 對人生會有更深層的感觸. 這對於沒有接觸過戰爭的人們很不容易瞭解. 某個領導日本在日俄戰爭勝利的將軍在死前說: "喜歡戰爭的人都是沒有經過戰爭的人, 真正經歷過戰爭的, 沒有人會真的喜歡戰爭." 對於大多數沒有經過戰爭的人, 看看這一類的影片/影集, 或許會幫助我們瞭解真相, 而努力朝著更聰明的方向前進.

----------寫於天涯小站論壇.

挑起的回憶

媽媽很難得坐在電腦螢幕前看 youtube. 上個星期的某一天, 我本來是在給他看中國戲劇和外國音樂劇的不同. 我想說, 我似乎對外國音樂劇的音樂比國劇要熟悉. 後來, 我竟然在 youtube 上和他看了一個介紹郭小莊的影片一個小時. 他很高興, 真是有趣.

上個星期六晚上, 他竟然又坐在 youtube 前面, 而且一坐就坐到他上樓睡覺. 這一次是因為我本來借了一個很老的中國電影, 叫做小城之春. 一部 1948 年的片子. 但是光碟盒子上卻寫的是夜半歌聲. 媽媽那時看到了很興奮! 說, 那不就是在大陸的時候, 外婆和大姨常常看了回來說好棒的片子嗎? 結果根本不是他說的... 因為電影實際上是小城之春. 他看了大感失望. 小城之春又很慢很軟, 不是他喜歡的那一種故事. 他喜歡的是主題明顯, 人物正派的那種. 小城之春剛好是又曖昧, 又隱誨.

既然他提到夜半歌聲, 我就上網查了一查. 我只知道張國榮的夜半歌聲, 原來, 1937 年中國就有一個夜半歌聲! 剛好星期六晚上我查的時候, 他也很有興趣看一看. 雖說 1937 年的夜半歌聲 在 youtube 上後來沒看成. 但是我還是給他聽了一聽張國榮的夜半歌聲電影原聲. 他滿喜歡的. 之後他看到我 favorite 名單上有一個葛蘭的歌, 他一聽就勾起很多回憶. 所以, 我就在 youtube 上找了很多葛蘭的短片. 又從那兒找到了很多他喜歡的明星, 像是尤敏, 林黛. 一邊看, 就一邊說, 小時後, 他們剛到臺灣, 外公就常常帶外婆, 媽媽, 佩蘭阿姨 還有老舅去台北西門町看電影. 那是民國四十九年前後, 所以那時的電影他記得不少. 他還說, 那時的電影多從香港來. 他那時候覺得香港真好, 拍了那麼多好電影! 他說葛蘭活潑大方, 尤敏是他見過最漂亮的女星之一, 林黛也漂亮只可惜早死. 他一邊看, 還一邊指著一些旁邊的配角, 說他們的名字!! 這真是令我大吃一驚! 我們看的一些電影片段, 像是藍與黑, 星星月亮太陽等等. 說一句實在話, 我也覺得好棒! 有人講解這些電影, 真是一種享受!

這真是一個難得的時光! 難得媽媽有閑情可以坐下來觀賞電影片段. 難得 youtube 有這些老片. 難得我也可以享受老電影的風采! 就算以後沒有這樣的機會, 那個星期六晚上的回憶也足以令人高興了!

a star is born

今天看了一部歌舞片, 叫做 a star is born. 為啥會去借這一部片子呢? 因為幾個星期以前, 我在 youtube 上看到一部同名的電影. 不過那是一部 1937 年的電影. 我今天看的這一部是 1954 年的.

比一比, 我感覺我在很多方面更喜歡 1937 年的片子. 54 年的這一部有 Judy Garland 又唱又跳, 堪稱唱作俱佳! 但是故事和原本的那一部幾乎是一模一樣. 有時候 1954 年的這一部因為加上了唱歌和跳舞反而變的不那麼乾淨俐落. 這和我看過第一部片子可能也有很大的關係就是了. 其實還有另外一個很大的原因, 我覺得 1937 年的那一女主角更讓我同情. 我在想這應該不是 judy garland 的演技問題. 而是長相問題... 1937 年的那個女主角在我看來個性上比較不那麼剛強, 但是 judy garland 常常讓我感覺到一股堅強的氣質. 另外, 在劇本上某些地方可以讓我感覺到時代的不同. 1937 年的原版, 在對話上比 1954 年的含蓄. 同樣的, 雖說 1954 年版在對話上有一點太白了, 但也因此可以讓觀眾看到人物內心上更細膩的描述. 不過, 我覺得 1937 的劇本裡, 人物之間的安排比較細密.

這是一部歌舞片. 但是這部影片裡的音樂卻沒有給我很強的回響. 不像 sound of music, 或者是Dancing in the rain, lion king 等等. 雖說 judy garland 實在很能唱, 也滿會舞的. 說不定我下一次聽到的時候會有不同的感受. 這種事常常發生, 有時候是因為聽熟了, 有時候是因為有新的體悟.

這也是一部愛情悲劇. 我通常會比較喜歡愛情悲劇. 不過這種偏好在我感覺有點像是成人版的迪士尼結局. 所不同的是迪士尼的結局通常是 happily ever after, 愛情悲劇則是 Dead ever after... 我很重視電影的結尾. 這一部電影, 就像 1937 年的那一部一樣, 很棒.

forum again?

i stayed up late every night. my mom always curious what i was doing so late. i always mumbled something meaningless.

what i do almost every night is going through certain forums again and again. i am looking for some topics that i could participate in. something i could get into. it almost feel like a conversation. i go to 4 or 5 forums around and around. i am disappointed almost every night. i am so tired. but i could not get myself out of this circle. it seemed that i wish to have conversations. it seemed that i wish to have somebody to talk to. but of course, i should be defeated by trying to go around forums every night. it's not the right way to go. i don't have much to share. i might think i know something. but i don't.

however, even after realizing this, i still wish for a meaningful communication. i need one desperately. it feel like a thunder in my lungs, or a crock pot rumbling with steam. this is a dead end. and i've banging my head on the wall for such a long time. i can't bear with it. i can't bear it.

singing in the rain, gene kelly

happy, light feet, and playful.

my sister visited tonight

my sister visited us tonight along with her husband.
we saw her pictures taken from their honeymoon trip to Greece.
the pictures were so nice, it's like you could randomly take a picture, and it would be like from a postcard!
my sister and her husband seemed working smoothly.
it's nice.
we did not prepare dinner well though. mom seemed to be a bit down about it.
because i was a bit lazy... :p

ah, well, maybe next time.

movies viewed recently.

the movies i saw lately bored me...

i just watched two movies today. one was "The Visitors", the other one was "a clockwork orange". both were ok to watch. clockwork orange was a quite interesting. the visitors was a bit moody. none of them gave me an interesting enough incentive to really dig deep about the story.

wish i could find a movie to watch that's interesting enough to engage to it...

葛蘭 人生何處不相逢

很耐聽的一首歌. 看看這些老東西, 我感覺很可惜. 對於老電影, 舊音樂, 我都非常不熟悉.
這一個現象, 我覺得很值得研究! 當 imdb 網站上排前五十部最好的動作片時, 1938 年的 The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) (http://www.imdb.com/chart/action) 都還可以上榜. 這當然是需要研究的課題!

action movie stars, why so many failed?

there are so many actors i thought could make many action movies classic. but no, i was wrong. vin diesel was one of them. he had a very unique voice and incredible physique. i watched these movies he starred in: fast and furious, chronicles of raddick, xXx, and babylon AD. best of all these movies could only be rated as high as B. none of them are A grade movies. this is very sad and disappointing! i really thought he could be much better than all these! what's wrong? i always though he could make a legendary action movies, something like die hard. but no, that never happened. the best movie i knew was fast and furious 1. the second best was pitch black. the worst was babylon AD. maybe i should watch his latest effort in the fast and the furious(fifth in the series, i think).

jason statham was another one. i watched him in transporter 1 and 2, cellular, war. he too has great unique voice and apparently very able to perform martial art action. the best of all the movie mentioned above was cellular. however, cellular was not an action movie. it was a thriller. i watched transporter 1 and 2, i thought i was poor. both story and choreographer.

Mark Wahlberg was an actor appeared in few action movies i thought could be awesome. but many of them fell flat.

tony jaa, a thailand actor. he has real martial art skill, his movements are incredible to look at, and he has a unique look. all of these should guarantee his movies as legendary, right? No! i am sorry to say, his choreography in the movies were great to look at, but the movies fell short. they are good but not classic.

so why do they fail? it is not because the explosive not big enough. if it was solely relied on the huge explosion, then any USA actors could be super action stars. it's not because actors could kick so fast or punch so powerful. if it's so, then so many martial artists could be making so many classic action movies. it's not because of the unique voice or strong physique either. so what is it then? what are we, as audience looking for in an action movie?

looking at the recent action movie i loved the most, taken. i realized that there're two kinds of actors. the first kind was a very skilled actors, who can actually perform on stage. the second kind of actors are the ones that will need to find a great character for themselves. I think Jet Li is one of them as well. liam neeson was a great actor. so even if the scrip was sub par, he could still perform well. if the director was pretty good, then Taken appeared. vin diesel, as i heard came from the 'hood. i guess tha's why he could excel in the fast and furious. what i really want to say is that liam neeson is very skilled actor. his art in the movie business was solely on acting. but the other guy i mentioned above, in cluding jet li, was not the kind of actor liam neeson is. they are specialist actors. it's not to say that they can't act. what i am saying here is that they have to know their limit so either they could be choosing their own scripts wisely, or they should work very hard. and other producers and directors need to be very smart at casting them in movies that suits them.

to me personally, one the best acts jet li ever performed was in lethal weapon 4, as a bad guy. and this goes the same for jason statham in cellular. to me personally, putting these actors according to their acting skills is more important than putting them in a movie just because they could kick high, or elbow fast. this includes finding good script writers to write a good role that suits the actor.

celebration of teachers.

15 years ago, the same date, my dad died.

struggle for a feeling of existence

when we cut out from outside world. what will happen? what will happen to the perception of my own existence?

i don't talk much of the day. i have a lot of inner conversation. the only one i talked to was myself. i can go anywhere i wanted to. i can do whatever i wanted to. i can eat whatever i wanted to. but i felt so confined. i don't seemed to be able to take initiative talking to people. but when people engaged me voluntarily, i sometimes could not stop, or have a feeling of poured out a river.

i now questioned my own existence. it is true. i can hear, i can see, i can smell, and i can feel physically. but something is amiss. something huge. a huge hole maybe. some say friends are windows. maybe i need to get some. but no, i don't want to. i hope this hole i am talking about is not created by the lack of outside contact, but rather paychecks. generally speaking, just financial security. once i worked, i might be able to fill that hole.

this talk about filling the hole with work and paycheck makes me sick. so sick, that i am in rage. i don't want to have friends, because i don't feel like i could hold my own against them. but they are not enemies! no, they are not. but we compete, compare, and contrast each other, don't we? how can i stand toe to toe, shoulder to shoulder to them? no matter what, i need to have paycheck! now! that hole might not be filled entirely with paycheck, it might still cover some portions. talking about it makes me hot! boiling!

i am always in rage, frustration, timidity, disappointment, and numb. i read and read. i watched and watched. i think and think. something is stopping me to take actions. the only one that could do that to me is myself. i see everybody fakes. i see myself fakes. i need to find a way to sustain myself. not just by money, but by something else! i need to exist. i am existing right now. i don't understand why i even questioned that?! i talked to myself, shouldn't that be enough sign to show that i exist?!

really? why then do you crumble before everyone? maybe i really should buy a tofu and bang my head on that till i die...

action games: fighting adventure

how do i define an action in action games? well, i guess i could catalog them by different ways players pressing the keys, buttons. because there are different levels of "actions" that players could perform. below are the results of my observation of different games.

1. first kind of actions are performed by specified key or combination of keys. and it is one command, one action. this is the most basic design. from the beginning of video games, when the first few pixels jumped over a pit made of a few pixels, like in Pitfall. that jump command is a simple forward and jump combination. player has total control of when will that action happen. the command won't change with different situation. if the command was to ask a left punch animation to show up, the left punch animation will show up. it won't change to right punch. the height and timing won't change. the actions would also be the movements of mouse, like in mount and blade.

2. second kind of actions is more like a contextual action. it will react differently as situation changes. this kind of actions usually uses very limited key combinations. the good example is street fighter's throw. forward + punch could be just punch, or it could be a throw. what players have to judge was the distance. if the distance was too close, you can't decide if you want to punch or not. the decision is made by the program, to throw. however, the commands are still predictable. usually, the criteria of different contexts are understood easily. players could actually have the control over the situation to trigger the desired alternative commands with the same key or key combination. in the assassin's creed, the criteria of alternative commands seemed to be timing, sometimes with distance as well, i guess.

3. third kind of actions are reactions. this usually requires minimal button. and ironically, there's not much actions people could par take. what people could do was to wait for game characters or online human opponents to act, then players pressed the reaction button in timely manner. it could simply, and most likely be a key, or in some cases a combination of keys. good example of multi-buttons reaction is the deflect actions in soul calibur series. this is a reaction, however, the participation on the players' part was so great. i will have to include this here!

4. fourth kind of actions are called quicktime events. the prime example is God of War. this kind of action is totally contextual. the original command of keys are usually meaningless in the face of special events. players watched carefully the "new" commands on the screen, or monitor, trying to time every button right. if the players timed it correctly, the whole new set of "actions" sprung up. it is usually one "new" command followed with one "new" epic animation. the whole event will need to perform a sequence of commands, which means if one chain was missed, the grand finale won't show. designers have a total freedom in adding whatever they want. players usually have eye candies and awesome painful screaming as rewards.


these are the 4 basic kinds of actions. when the video games keep evolving, game designers wanted to put more actions in it. however, the more stuff they wished to put in, the complicated control inhibited this wish, or even they could not find enough input to accommodate their ambitions. so contextual input appeared, then quicktime event was born as well. with reaction button born during the whole messy thing.

i love direct control, the first kind of actions. it actually put you in touch with the actions. contextual actions and reaction, the second and third type of actions if implemented correctly, would be awesome as well. i, personally hated quicktime event. because it put me out of actions. the new animations was grand, but i did not feel like i am performing them. however, i believe if it's designed correctly, it could give some satisfactions out of it. the only thing that came even close to satisfaction was from Prince of Persia Warrior within. there were huge giant gorillas you need to fight. when you beat him in certain degree, he'd kneel down. that's the queue for you to climb him to his head. this may qualify as a contextual action, however, it's not a situation player could constantly create. it's more like when Krato beating hydra to certain degree, then he started his quicktime event. cataloging it is just a personal feeling...

when i looked at assassin's creed, i could see contextual and reaction actions everywhere. the direct action was kept at minimal. and you could see it from its fighting mechanics. there's not much you could do to attack, however, you beat most of the enemies with reactions. the team that made contextual action in terms of platforming so grand in prince of persia sands of time, proved themselves with assassin's creed again with contextual fighting and reactions. it goes the same with Batman Asylum.

i could see during the future that we will lose most of direct actions in Third Person Action games. instead, people favored eye candies, which is not just measured by pixels now, but also by animations. the main reason behind this trend is because complicated control is not preferred. it's sad, considering shooting games both in FPS and TPS are actually direct actions...

關山煙塵記一

最近看了一本書叫做關山煙塵記. 作者是喬家才. 這個人是在全面抗戰八年裡和戴笠作地下工作的. 他是晉人. 所以他大部分的工作都是在華北. 戰爭一開始是在平津一帶. 後來日本多次破獲中國地下工作, 他個人有被抓的可能. 戴笠把他調到四川總部工作. 之後又把他派到太行山區, 在胡宗南的部隊裡作情報工作. 民國廿九, 卅年之後, 多次日本掃蕩太行山的攻勢裡, 他都與軍隊同近同出. 戴笠又把他調到陜南去做緝私工作. 後來在日本一號華北(豫鄂)作戰的前後, 他正在那裡組織情報單位. 民國卅四年初, 他被調到綏遠去接中美合作所綏遠營的副主任.

為啥我要先把他的經歷寫下來呢? 因為這可以看出他在全面抗戰的八年裡佔了啥角色. 如果拿我現在對抗佔極為有限的認識來看, 這一本書算是一本滿實在的書. 他毫不保留的描述當時的情況. 無論是國軍好與壞, 國府的敵後作戰, 當時中美人民的互相看法, 都非常值得一看!

my sister's wedding

sep 19, 2009 was when my sister got married.

great video

a great video! :)

舅媽的故事

舅媽說了很多次要給我剪頭髮. 今天下午我終於去了. 他用大中小各尺寸的電剪套子從頭頂到頸部一圈一圈剪... 原來剪頭髮是這樣... 我都是用最小的尺寸一次解決...

之後我和媽媽又到舅媽家吃晚飯, 他說有紅燒肉. 我是不會錯過紅燒肉的. 就在吃飯的時候, 我問了一個問題. 我前幾天在車上聽到舅媽說他老爸, 蕭公公, 說理東西就是要理到晚上摸黑都可以知道每一個東西在哪兒. 今天我又問一次. 於是, 舅媽就打開話匣子, 好像潘朵拉的盒子. 東西是一件又一件的出來. 非常精采. 記一點下來, 以資記憶.

1, 我媽媽聽到蕭公公說理東西的事就猜他是當過兵的, 但是沒想到他才當過十個月的受訓兵. 蕭公公一生最驕傲的事之一就是應了十萬青年十萬軍的號招而去從軍. 訓練了十個月抗戰就勝利了. 雖然沒打到仗, 但這還是這一輩子值得驕傲的事.

2. 蕭公公的爸爸兄弟三人, 都是留日的. 回來後到當地開學校. 在當地和日本人也處的很好. 蕭公公的爸爸是老大在蕭公公還年輕的時候就先過世了. 在抗戰開始的時候, 他們家鄉的人因為他們在戰前和日本人處的很好, 認為他們是漢奸. 有一批人竟然燒了蕭公公三叔的家還把三叔給殺了. 蕭公公的大哥一氣之下, 離家投黃浦去了. 八年抗日完又投入剿共. 結果在延安附近失去聯絡. 從此音訊皆無.

3. 舅媽的姨媽, 也就是蕭婆婆的堂姐, 在武漢和姨夫結婚後逃難到台灣. 姨媽姨夫和他們的大學教授還有師母一起從武漢逃離共產黨的魔抓. 他們經過一個浮橋的時候, 姨媽的人力車一過, 浮橋就斷了. 姨夫在後面結果兩人就此分散了. 儘管姨媽和老師還有師母一路上每個鎮上都些著大字希冀可以因此聯絡上. 但是姨媽到台灣的時候還是沒有遇上姨夫. 而姨夫呢, 共產黨就在屁股後追著, 竟然也給他一路摸到香港的難民區. 他在香港的難民區好幾年, 竟然在那邊養起了雞. 但是運氣好給他碰上一個人. 這個人也是說來話長. 姨夫他家雖然有錢. 但是他聽信一個叔叔說的一句話, 技多不壓身. 於是他學會了打算盤. 在他學校畢業後, 他去一家銀行找事, 他所有的學歷派不上用場. 但是當那個面試他的人一看他的算盤打的滴答響, 馬上錄取. 抗戰時, 也是這面試的人給他幾個銀元到後方去的. 話說回來, 姨夫在香江難民區碰到的那一個人正是此人! 那人一見到姨夫問, 你怎麼在這裡? 你在這裡作啥? 姨夫說了說近況, 最後想必也提到他想去台灣的事. 那個人竟然提供船票把他送到台灣去了. 我媽媽說這生命中的貴人實在難得, 舅媽也同意. 又加上一句, 姨夫也很會做人. 姨夫到了台灣去上了台灣大學, 也就宿於附近. 有一天, 他突然在路上看到一個面熟的人坐在人力車上! 他大喊的追過去, 人力車夫看到有人追過來還出了一身冷汗.　原來, 車上的人是姨媽的某個親戚. 在問清了姨媽和師母一家的住所後, 姨夫和姨媽竟然又重圓了!

4, 舅媽提到他從台灣來美求學的時候, 坐最便宜的飛機, 結果晚上半夜從芝加哥坐飛機到他大學所在的鎮上. 舅媽提著兩個大箱子, 輪子雞呱雞呱的一路響, 在半夜用破破的英文到處問, 然後又照著那些九成聽不懂的英文指示找到公車站. 坐公車到了大學, 又在黑暗中摸了 international student center 的號碼出來打電話. 總算來了一個人把他帶到宿舍裡. 他到的那一天是星期五. 但是學校的飯堂子要到星期一才開. 他站在販賣機前面左看右看, 不知道要如何買東西吃, 又怕錢進去了啥都吃不到. 那鎮上大概也是鳥不拉屎狗不生蛋的地方, 我在猜又遇上 labor day, 他竟然從星期五餓到了星期一. 到了星期一的時候, 舅媽已經不需要眼睛了, 他的鼻子就拖著他身子往食堂走了...

5, 舅媽第一個學期有一堂課被當了... 舅媽大吃一驚! 更吃驚的是被當的理由! 他的老師宣稱他除了第一堂課外, 根本沒來上過課! 舅媽說, 這怎麼可能?! 我每一堂課必到, 甚至該考的該做的報告功課都做啦! 這是怎麼一回事?! 搞了好半天, 才發現, 第一堂課的時候, 老師宣布要到另外一間教室去上課. 舅媽大概是根本沒聽懂, 他就老去第一堂課去的教室. 從此他就待在那個教室裡, 那個教室裡上啥課, 舅媽想, 啊, 反正照著做準沒錯... 結果整個學期他上了一堂完全錯誤的課程! 還好, 在經過兩個老師的討論後, 我在想大概是看他上錯的那堂課成績仍然很好, 也就把成績調用了.


這些都是很好玩的事. 偶而記記. 聊以消遣.

playing with cat?

when my cats first arrived, i played with them constantly. but now i did not play with them as often as i used to. i started to ask why is that? i love to play with my cats just as they were still new to this family. i knew that because when i played with them, it still gave me such a delight and excitement like always. i wonder if it's because of toys. i exhausted most of the toys i bought from stores. i kept thinking of making some toys myself with the resources on hand. however, i was lazy and lacking ideas. i bought some new toys from stores eventually. i played with them for sometimes, then i cut my time to play with them once more. i felt the toys were easily destroyed by them. i do not make money myself. so i hesitated to buy toys. but on the other hand, i have to play with my cats. i need to find a means to play with them. if i did not have toys to play with them, how should i entertain them?

a new light dawned on me recently. am i really entertaining them? or i used them to entertain myself? play with them can be seen as a way to distract myself. the beloved cats are like toys for me... and i need to entertain my toys with another toy... this reasoning might propel myself to buy toys for my cats, or disgusted myself. how could i see my cats as toys...?

but philosophy aside, i do need to find a way to entertain them, keep them stimulated... sleeping, napping, eating, sandboxing(toilet), will dull their minds, make them fat, and might even be dangerous to each other... the current situation just won't cut it. but it is as important that i find a way to keep myself regularly playing with them as playing with them... le sigh. i love cranberry season... cranberry is the best toy for my cats. they love to chase the berries, and the berries are safe to eat. plus, my cats enjoye eating them... i bought something i know they will be very excited about lately, a very furry toy. the only thing is they might be overly aggressive. it will be quickly destroyed. also...i still need to find a way to regularly play with them...

i'd like to build a castle for them with cardboard boxes. maybe that will stimulate myself while a great place for me to play with them as well...

蔥薑引起的

蔥薑的故事媽媽實際上已經說了好幾次了. 我每次都想記下來. 這一次終於來寫了.

蔥和薑的用法在台灣和蘇州似乎有不同. 在蘇州, 也或許是蘇州附近的地方都這樣, 炒肉都是用蔥, 很少用到薑. 至少, 根據媽媽, 外婆是不用薑來炒肉的, 他只用蔥. 但是台灣人好像用的是薑. 這裡就產生一些滿有趣的故事. 其中一個就是以前在爸爸的診所裡有一位陳太太. 媽媽說他以前常常給我們家魚. 這位陳太太有時候在診所裡會提到他自己的姊姊嫁給了一個上海人. 以前有一陣子, 陳太太在他姊夫那邊工作. 有一次他和他姊姊在廚房裡炒菜. 他姊姊說要他炒個肉, 不要用薑, 說完就去做別的事了. 他一聽, 糊塗了. 因為他是台灣人, 自小吃到的肉類幾乎都和薑炒在一起. 他怕自己聽錯了, 但是又不願意再問. 於是他就把蔥薑一起放下去炒. 結果他姊姊回來的時候看到了, 把他大罵一頓... 原來姊夫是上海人, 炒肉也是習慣只用蔥不用薑.

挺有趣的...

樂事

熱天吹涼風, 冬天暖被窩.

炒肉絲

炒肉絲. 這是一個很有用的東西. 最好的材料是裡肌. 把裡肌先斜切片, 再逆著紋理切絲. 熱鍋, 加油, 油不可少, 因為這個是做來佐菜用的. 每次用一點, 油多才能放的久. 切蔥姜下去, 香味起來後, 下肉絲. 中火泡到熟. 媽媽都是用高罐子裝, 通常都是外面我們買韓國泡菜的罐子, 口夠寬, 身子夠高.

這個東西通常可以在清炒青菜的時候加一點. 會有一點肉味. 很多菜都可以用, 我們用最多的有, 大小白菜, 清江菜等等. 也可以下個麵, 無論你是想吃湯麵, 還是拌麵, 加一點這個肉和清炒的青菜混在一起, 再灑上一些黑胡椒, 真是美味. 也可以炒個蛋!

媽媽說這個方法是來自外婆. 他們小的時候是不吃大塊肉的. 一方面大概是因為他們是蘇州人, 另一方面也是因為小時候肉比較貴. 當我想吃大塊肉的時候, 有時候媽媽就會提到這件事情. 這個方法有個好處就是, 吃的肉的確少了. 肉的肥在泡熟的過程裡也都出來了. 裝在罐子了, 和青菜一起炒或加在麵裡也就加了一些香味! :D 所以是肉吃少了, 但是味道沒減少! 麻煩的地方就是切絲. 但是, 味道是真的很好!

The Fox and the Little Prince

It was then that the fox appeared. "Good morning" said the fox."Good morning" the little prince responded politely
although when he turned around he saw nothing.

"I'm right here" the voice said, "under the apple tree."

"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added,
"You're very pretty to look at."

"I'm a fox", the fox said.

"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince, "I'm so unhappy."

"I can't play with you," the fox said, "I'm not tamed."

"Ah! Please excuse me,"said the little prince.
But after some thought, he added: "What does that mean—'tame'?"

"You do not live here," said the fox, "What is it you're looking for?"

"I'm looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean—tame?"

"Men,"said the fox, "they've guns, and they hunt. It's very disturbing.
They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"

"No," said the little prince. "I'm looking for friends. What does that mean—tame?"

"It's an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."

"To establish ties?"

"Just that," said the fox. "to me, you're still nothing more than a little boy
who's just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you.
And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I'm nothing more than a fox
like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other.
To me, you'll be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world …"

"I'm beginning to understand," said the little prince.
"There's a flower. . .I think she has tamed me…"

"It is possible," said the fox. "On earth one sees all sorts of things."

"Oh but this is not on the earth!" said the little prince.

The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.
"On another planet?"

"Yes"

"Are there hunters on that planet?"

"No"

"Ah that's interesting! Are there chickens?"

"No"

"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.
But he came back to his idea.
"My life's very monotonous," he said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me.
All chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike.
And in consequence, I am a little bored.
But if you tame me, it'll be as if the sun came to shine on my life.
I shall know the sound of a step that'll be different from all the others.
Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground.
Yours will call me, like music out of my burrow.
And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder?
I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me.
The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad.
But you have hair that is the color of gold.
Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me!
The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you.
And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat…"

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.
"Please—tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I've not much time.
I've friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox.
"Men have no more time to understand anything.
They buy things all ready made at the shops.
But there's no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship,
and so men have no friends any more.
If you want a friend, tame me…"

"What must I do, to tame you? asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox.
First you'll sit down at a little distance from me – like that – in the grass.
I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing.
Words are the source of misunderstandings.
But you'll sit a little closer to me, every day…"

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox.
"If for example, you came at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock
I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances.
At four o'clock, I shall be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am!
But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour
my heart is ready to greet you… One must observe the proper rites…"

"What's a rite?" asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox.
"they're what make one day different from other days, one hour different from other hours.
There's a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they danse with the village girls.
So Thursday's a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards.
But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day,
and I should never have any vacation at all."

So the little prince tamed the fox.
And when the hour of his departure drew near—

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It's your own fault," said the little prince.
"I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you…"

"Yes that is so", said the fox.

"But now you're going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes that is so" said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields."
And then he added: "go and look again at the roses.
You'll understand now that yours is unique in all the world.
Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.
"You're not at all like my rose," he said.
"As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one.
You're like my fox when I first knew him.
He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.
But I have made a friend, and now he's unique in all the world."
And the roses were very much embarrassed.
"You're beautiful, but you're empty," he went on. "One could not die for you.
To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you
–the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she's more important
than all the hundreds of you other roses:
because it is she that I have watered;
because it is she that I have put under the glass globe;
because it is for her that I've killed the caterpillars
(except the two or three we saved to become butterflies);
because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled,
or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing.
Because she is MY rose."

And he went back to meet the fox.
"Goodbye" he said.

"Goodbye," said the fox.
"And now here's my secret, a very simple secret:
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;
what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye,"
the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose–"
said the little prince so he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it.
You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.
You are responsible for your rose…"

"I am responsible for my rose,"
the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

From "The Little Prince" by Antoine de St. Exupery. A most lovely chapter from a most lovely book.

storyboard

there's a 40ish ex-FBI agent became a private investigator. background is Chinese from ROC. an incredible martial artist in secrecy. he's crazy to study anything. he's very uptight about anything sexual, except academic stuff. he's short and skinny, almost like a monkey. he loved Chinese opera or other traditional musics. he's a weird sense of humor, which is not inappropriate, but not easy to understand.

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two teens met at library. background was: the boy was really good at dancing; the girl was a foreigner from outer country. the boy's parents were ball room dancing instructors. the girl's parents worked high in some entertainment company. the girl was homeschooled. her parents were afraid of letting her out. they got familiar with each other and the girl got to know the boy's friends well. through four years of friendship, they separated after a night of awakening, through which they realized how much they were meant for each other. the girl disappeared. the boy gave up ballroom dancing. went into college to study stage drama. after graduated, he went to canada to visit one of his old pal. he went into a huge concert. the center star is the girl. he felt a huge urge and started to write a script. he sent out the script until he found a man willing to publish his script. the real story begins with the start of the movie production. the boy used all the girl's music as movie's soundtrack. the story was very basic, it basically his experience with that girl up until the separation. the real meat was when both the boy and the girl casted as the main characters.

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a ghost story. an 20ish guy came to boston to look for a missing girl. both were chinese. the story of the girl was that as an ambicious girl, she came to harvard to study something. a very competitive nature made her lonely around the harvard campus. she got an american boyfriend. on a trip with the boyfriend, she was claimed missing. now the background was set, the chinese guy learned from 茅山. he's a sort of a chinese warlock. he's search for the girl led him to the girl's boyfriend's car. the car was transfered through two people. there's a huge rumor about the haunted car...

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there you have it. i wish to develope those into some stories... lol in my dreams...

who let the cat out...

i usually brought my cats outside for a few minutes of walk if weather permits.
today, one of my cat ran away... he knew i was watching his every movement. so he lurked behind bushes pretending he's chewing grasses. he went left and right. finally he saw an opportunity and grabbed it! he ran like a leopard trying to catch a prey... i really should tape it next time...

eventually he came back, with a mouse... like last year, he went outside without a leash. i caught him when the mouse slipped out of his teeth and went into a hole...

darn it...now i have to give him a bath...

中文譯音

常常在看到中文的文章裡提到非英文的中文譯音時, 一定是會在中文後面加一個用羅馬字母拼出來的字.

有時候想一想, 感覺很好笑. 因為那字母和中文比起來, 還不見得真能代表那個發音... 舉個例子, 英文的耶穌是拼 JESUS. 這和中文譯音大大不同, 殊不知, 當時在譯的時候, 這些羅馬字母不是用作英語的發音. 他比較可能是拉丁的發音. 也就可能比較接近義大利, 西班牙, 或者是法國的發音. 可是, 也不盡然... 因為即使是上述的三個國家, 他們怎麼稱呼這些字母上也稍微要不一樣... 當然, 華語的方言也很複雜. 但是用中文譯音, 因為現在國語的通行, 反而要比那些字母準確的多的多!

剛剛我在查一個詞, 我看到羅馬字母拼成, khoomei. 我查了老半天才查到中文是啥. 他是一個蒙古音, 這個詞是蒙古歌藝裡的一門技術. 中文的音譯是呼麥... 乖乖... 如果我看英文發音, 我一定不唸呼麥, 我大概會唸成哭麥... 當然這個譯詞一並不是英語翻譯, 但是, 英文如此的普及. 那些不大懂外國東西的人大概都以為這就是英文了... 還把他唸成哭麥. 不對, 我想想, 很多美國人, 在我看來很有可能也會唸成哭麥... 笑!

但是以羅馬字母之盛行, 中國人真的能夠認為呼麥可以成為這一項技術的專有名詞嗎? 還是他們在學校的時候, 他們也得學寫 khoomei, 然後認為, 啊 哈, 這才是這個詞的寫法呀!

memorable movie quotes

(lords of the ring fellowship of the ring)

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(kingdom of heaven)

Balian of Ibelin: What is Jerusalem worth?
Saladin: Nothing.
[walks away]
Saladin: Everything!

*************************

King Baldwin IV: Come forward. I am glad to meet Godfrey's son. He was one of my greatest teachers. He was there when, playing with the other boys, my arm was cut. It was he, not my father's physicians who noticed that I felt no pain. He wept when he gave my father the news, that I am a leper. The Saracens say that this disease is God's vengence against the vanity of our kingdom. As wretched as I am, these Arabs believe that the chastisement that awaits me in hell is far more severe and lasting. If that's true, I call it unfair. Come. Sit. When I was sixteen I won a great victory. I felt in that moment that I should live to be one hundred, now I know I shall not see thirty. You see, none of us chose our end really. A king may move a man, a father may claim a son. But remember that, even when those who move you be kings or men of power, your soul is in your keeping alone. When you stand before God you cannot say "but I was told by others to do thus" or that "virtue was not convinient at the time. This will not suffice. Remember that.
Balian of Ibelin: I will.
King Baldwin IV: Then go now to your father's house at Ibelin, and from there protect the pilgim road. Protect the helpless. And then perhaps one day when I am helpless you will come and protect me.

**********************************************

---

Godfrey of Ibelin: Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath.
Godfrey of Ibelin: [cuffs Balian with the back of his hand] And that's so you remember it.
Hospitaller: Arise a knight and Baron of Ibelin.

*********************************************

and many many other quotes from THIS MOVIE!! :D

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(the 13th warrior)

"Lo there do I see my father.
Lo there do I see my mother.
Lo there do I see my brothers and my sisters.
Lo there do I see the line of my people back to the beginning.
Lo they do call to me;
they bid me take my place among them in the Halls of Valhalla,
where the brave may live forever."

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(the passion of the Christ)

Jesus: See, mother, I make all things new.


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(the matrix)

neal: wow...

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(titus)

Titus: He that wounded her hath hurt me more than had he killed me dead.


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(gladiator)

---

Commodus: Rise. Rise.
[Maximus stands up, clenching an arrow head in his right hand]
Commodus: Your fame is well deserved, Spaniard. I don't think there's ever been a gladiator to match you. As for this young man, he insists you are Hector reborn. Or was it Hercules? Why doesn't the hero reveal himself and tell us all your real name? You do have a name.
Maximus: My name is Gladiator.
[turns away from Commodus]
Commodus: How dare you show your back to me! Slave, you will remove your helmet and tell me your name.
Maximus: [removes helmet and turns around to face Commodus] My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
[Commodus trembles in disbelief]
Quintus: Arms!
[Praetorians point their spears at the gladiators while the Colosseum crowd chants for them to live. Commodus shakes his head and motions the crowd for silence. He then raises his fist and reluctantly gives the thumbs-up signal]

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movie characters

there're many movie characters that are unique. just to mentioned a few that i liked.

Ripley from Alien and Aliens. I don't know why, but i really liked the character. to me, it's extremely unique. i guess she did not demonstrate some super human ability or character. but she was more closer to what a person could do gracefully under pressure! that's what very attractive. you can see her scare, you can see her care, you can even see her struggle inside. but eventually, you saw her overcame the fear inside at the end of Aliens and tried to rescue the girl. i guess that girl could be seen as herself but scared! hehe, psychology...

Don Vito Corleone from Godfather. i certainly know the real deal in mafia was horrible. but i can't say how much strength this character showed. i wished i could be as strong and cool as him. he had his own doctrine, which i don't think any of his kids understand much, espeically michael. Sunny know well, but i don't think he had the control of his old man, or even michael. Don Vito Corleone was the one with control, coolness, strength, and wisdom rolled in one. he had his own idea of mercy. it's ancient. but somehow i felt familiar.

Tom Hagen. i liked him. a very good staff character. loyal and smart. i liked him.

maria. i loved this character. in fact, i loved most of julie andrew's character. resiliant, joyful, and passion for life. plus, maria can sing. but the most important thing is she loved somebody, ran away, but she summed up courage to face it once again. she's true to herself which is not a easy thing, to me at least. i just loved this character!

milton miles

the more i think about him the more i think it's sad. for all of his intelligence work, none of which went into how much sweat he put into his work. there is no recognition anywhere to be found anywhere, except his own book and books written by soldiers working under him.

but the more i contemplate about it, the more important i value his work. i can't really dig into his story about the weather intelligence and the pacific warfare in WWII. but i could just imagine how important his intelligent report really was for the fourteenth Air Troops. only with the service he provided, could Clair Chennault's air force be as effective as they were on the south china sea. and for fourteenth air troop to be effective at bombing enemy supply line, the intelligence in the front would be crucial as well. all this intelligence was milton miles' contribution. and yet, nobody mentioned about it anymore. For the USA people, there was only corruption, imcompetence, and revoltion. It's incredibly sad that there was man, who successeed in working with Chinese with an attitude that ALL Chinese should remember, celebrate, and cherish. And yet, none of them will be remembered.

I read three USA military memoirs in China during WWII. One was Clair Chennault, one i only finished half way was Joseph Stilwell, the last one was Milton Miles. What was so striking from reading Milton Miles memoir was the attitude he had towards Chinese.

Claire Chennault did not know Chinese before 1927. He brought what the Chinese most needed at the time. Chinese government treated him well, and he used his knowledge and ability to fight with Chinese. His attitude towards Chinese was that this was a people that i could help. they respected my work and knowledge. i will in term fight with them with all i got. so he fought hard with the chinese.
Joseph Stilwell on the other hand, was quite familiar with Chinese custom, language, and politics. many people who knew china like Joseph Stilwell was weary of the Chinese politics. The best among them kept a cold and calculated mind. The worst of them looked hard to see where he could profit. Joseph Stilwell was among the best of them, who were unsatisfied with current government. They laughed at the the government's every effort, they pitied that Chinese people was led by this pooly trained people. Joseph Stilwell was one of those with the thoughts.

Milton Miles, an USA navy served in China just like Joseph Stilwell was vastly different in attitude towards Chinese. Milton Miles could speak a few dialect, he traveled through mainland China with his family well into Burma once. He was assigned by Admiral King, then USA Pacific Navy Commander, to China to prepare for USA Navy landing in 3-4 years. He then end up working with Dai Li(戴笠). They signed a treaty to form an organization called Sino American Cooperative Organization. Trying to work with Chinese, Milton Miles decided that he wanted his staffs and soldiers to have no previous knowledge of China at all. His reason for this was if you want to work with Chinese, you have to have no prejudice against them. He thought many foreigners including USA people, who knew China too well, will ruined the cooperative mood he tried to built between Chinese field soldiers and guerrilla. USA OSS, CIA's daddy, thought it was an absurd comment. Many Old chinese hands, who knew chinese affair qutie well, was ridiculed by the comment as well. Milton's attitude towards working with Chinese was that he was a foreigner, who had the same goal as Chinese people. He viewed Chinese as in a turmoil time in desperate need for help. He wanted to fight Japanese, but he also very much in need of chinese cooperation for him to gather weather report for the pacific Navy operation. He strifed very hard to find a way to truly find a way to work with Chinese. In the end, He was the only two USA people succeeded doing just that.

He tried hard to describe why other people failed in getting cooperation out of Chinese in his memoir, a different kind of war. The genuine respect for chinese was shown between lines and words. He trained Chinese guerrilla with fresh USA soldiers, who knew little about China. Those young USA soldiers dined the same thing Chinese soldiers dined. They lived with Chinese on the battlefield, when most of foreigners were not allowed to go to the frontline. Milton Miles worked with Dai Li, who did not easily trust anyone. But Dai Li trusted Milton Miles and his men. That's a shocking news to many other foriegners.

the piano--animation

媽媽的翻譯

condone: 茍同

人之常情: it's only human.

媽媽他是非常喜歡英文的, 花了一大堆時間研究英文. 他常常為了一個字想了很久很久, 還到處問人. 有時候他如果有一個字無法譯成他認可的中文時, 他就要絞盡腦汁. 往往經過他用力思考出來的東西, 或著是努力尋找到令他滿意的時候, 他最終的答案都非常的棒! 就像 condone 這個字. 其他的字典翻譯時都是同意, 甚至有譯成贖罪. 但是同意是一個不完全的翻譯. condone 最常用的英文解釋是:

To overlook, forgive, or disregard (an offense) without protest or censure.

和同意有一點類似. 但, 是在同意者實際上並不贊成的情況之下, 沒有反對的表現而產生的同意. 茍同精確的表達了這一個意思!

這實在說明了, 要真的翻譯別人的文字, 自己的文學底子真的要很好.

Rob Roy Swordfight

one of the best swordfights i've ever witnessed for movie!

歌的故事

歌的故事

英雄本色難忘的台詞

>>豪哥：「小馬，我拜託你醒一醒！」
小馬：「算了！我不要你可憐我！我不會逼朋友做他不想做的事！我有我自己的原則，我不想一輩子被人踩在腳下！你以為我是臭要飯的？我等了三年，就是要等一個機會，我要爭一口氣，並不是想證明我了不起，我是想告訴人家，我失去的東西，我一定要拿回來！！」

豪哥：「阿杰！」
阿杰：「不要叫我阿杰！ 叫警官！」
豪哥：「警官...我沒做大哥很久了。」

小馬：「你看清楚！他是你親哥哥！不管他以前有什麼錯，現在也全都還給你了！他有勇氣改過！為何你沒勇氣接受他！？做兄弟的...」(爆頭)<<

英雄本色第一集! 中國影史上最好的影片之一!!

陳納德, 短文

這是我在一個網上寫的短文. 題目是在介紹陳納德. 我很有興趣, 又看了一兩本有關的書. 所以稍微就我所知也介紹一下. 前一陣子我試寫了幾次我對陳納德的心得感想都不是很滿意. 這一篇倒還可以. 有時候, 讀到的東西, 在肚子裡放一陣子再拿出來, 好像會比較實在一點. 語氣上也不會太衝.


文章的資料好像有一點過時. 尤其是數據上...
數據好像是引用陳的資料, 那多半誇大了...
但是他帶領的飛虎隊在戰績上是的確佔優勢.

另外, 俄國的志願隊在民國廿六年十二月就已經來了. 武漢空戰時, 他們貢獻卓越.
就算在往後, 陳納德和他們合作仍然是非常佩服他們.

根據陳納德的回憶錄, 他十四歲就當老師教十七八歲的人了. 是一個天才型的人物.

陳辭去美國空軍職務美國空軍職務是拿耳聾做藉口, 實際上他是很令美國軍部討厭的人物. 當然陳自己也是灰心的不得了.
一方面是因為空軍不被重視, 在當時(也就是一次和二次世界大戰之間), 很多人認為空軍只是配角. 因此, 美國的空軍很晚才真的成為獨立軍種...
另一方面是, 當時的經濟恐慌讓美軍軍費捉襟見肘, 海陸軍下的空軍部隊已經很少錢了. 空軍部隊把僅有的錢通通花在轟炸機上. 這令陳納德憤慨不已.
當時的空軍理論主流是一個義大利人(忘記名字了)主張的. 他認為轟炸機才是最有效的戰術. 這個理論和當時把空軍作為配角的想法一拍即合...
這個想法不僅僅是美國, 幾乎所以所有當時的軍事家們都認同.
這也是為啥在抗戰初期, 國軍可以在空戰上達到一定程度的勝利, 因為日本也是這個學術的支持者. 所以轟炸機在初期不怎麼設防.

陳納德本身是一個非常高超的飛機駕駛. 他為了證明戰鬥機的飛行能力, 他和其他兩個人組成了一個飛行特技團, 經年到處表演. 當經濟恐慌來到後, 他在空軍部隊裡和別人大起爭吵.
因為他認為, 轟炸機和戰鬥機是同等重要. 他完全不贊成把微薄的經費完全花在轟炸機上. 他還為此向轟炸機迷挑戰. 當時的轟炸機裝甲厚, 周身又有機關鎗.
再加上那時(1930年代初期), 美國還沒有雷達. 要戰鬥機在轟炸機來到之前升空到有效高度並不容易. 陳納德在提出挑戰後, 設計了一套防禦系統.
這個系統是他在夏威夷時, 把日本當假想敵的時候就有雛型了. 而這一套, 也就是後來在整個中國, 從重慶到延安都成功利用的那一套系統!
他的挑戰完全粉碎轟炸機支持者的迷夢. 但是, 那些轟炸機迷到最後竟然不准他用這一套防禦系統!
之後他仍然不斷宣傳他自己的想法, 甚至頂撞上司也在所不惜. 但是在不斷的爭吵中, 他煩透了!
就在這時, 他以前的一個學生從中國來找他, 於是他決定去中國.
我認為在提到陳納德的時候, 一定要把他的空軍理論提出來. 這是他畢生的心血, 也是他一輩子的戰場... 甚至他來到中國就是希望他可以施展他的抱負!
不提這個, 在我看, 陳納德只剩下半截陳納德...

美國的援華志願隊的確是費盡陳納德的心血. 不光是很多美國的年輕人想往歐洲跑, 更重要的是當時美國飛行員幾乎都沒有人會飛戰鬥機... 因為都他們都只學轟炸幾... lol! 並不是說沒有人會開戰都幾了. 但是在陳的眼裡, 那些會開戰鬥機的人, 他們的技術通通不合格... 他在民國卅年前半年, 才開始訓練他的隊員. 同年十二月, 日本轟炸珍珠港. 在這期間, 根據陳納德的回憶錄, 他是怎樣也無法睡好覺. 不僅僅是因為他為訓練飛行員而合不上眼, 更因為他在這個期間看到一架架的日本飛機進駐就在他隔壁的泰國. 這讓他冷汗直冒! 每天都在害怕日本飛機會隨時飛過來把他辛辛苦苦小群飛機給炸光... 當然, 他也很想要去炸就在隔壁駐咱泰國的那些日本飛機...lol

陳納德和史迪威之間的爭吵有很多因素. 我還有看過其中把美國南方北方人性格教育的不同拿來做因素, 大意是說, 陳納德為了滿足他的空軍, 他甚至進口印度妓女. 當史迪威這個美國北方人(大多有清教徒的影響)知道了以後, 和陳納德大吵一架... 這個故事的真實與否我不知道, 只是滿特別的, 故此提出... 他們之間的爭吵, 在我看來遠因還是空軍陸軍之爭. 近因則是美援實在太少, 完全無法適當的分配; 另外就是史迪威和國府的關係. 美國給英國援助大約是 29 billion, 美給俄的援助大概是 9 billion, 美給中的援助不到一個 billion (來源好像是一寸河山一寸血). 美援那麼少, 再加上史迪威一心只想先打回緬甸, 完全無法和中國軍部的想法一致! 爭吵扯上陳納德, 因為陳納德想要在中國戰場作戰, 他對緬甸戰場反而沒有那麼在意. 這裡有可以講講空軍和陸軍不同的思路. 史迪威自己是很傳統的陸軍. 他認為空軍是用來支援陸軍的. 這個想法和陳納德相衝. 陳的想法是希望得到美援的支持, 然後, 陳納德的空軍可以在中國上空取得絕對制空權. 但是這個制空權不僅僅包含中國上空, 範圍甚至包含整個南海(我想也包括緬甸上空). 他的意思就是要癱瘓日本的海上運輸. 但是史迪威認為, 這樣會使日本盡全力搶奪中國國府控制下的所有空軍基地. 對於這一點, 陳納德認為中國的陸軍在他的空軍保護下儘可能守得住這些機場甚至如果美援充足, 甚至可以攻擊日軍. 史迪威認為那是笑話, 史迪威完全不想信國民革命軍的能力. 他認為他們是腐敗顢頇. 這個爭吵在 trident 會議上, 由羅斯福決定按照陳納德的腹案來進行. 但是根據陳納德的回憶錄, 他並沒有從史迪威那邊得史迪威承諾的美援... 但是在史迪威的傳記裡, 卻說, 史迪威一開始有按計畫行事... 這個...就得交給專家學者去鑑定了... 我還看過說, 根據魏德邁(也就是繼任史迪威將軍成為中國參謀的那一位)的調查, 一發美援來的子彈都沒有進入國民革命軍的手裡... 我是不知道情況... :p 不過, 就我現在的認為是, 不應該把史迪威就看成是個笨蛋, 或著說他就是高傲... 他的出發點, 和他之前在中國的經驗再加上美援如此的少, 有時還要被英國人偷, 他的任務注定失敗... 往往, 國府的人就說史迪威的壞話... 共黨的人就說史迪威的好話... 都有失偏頗...

陳納德的離華是被迫的. 不是自願的... 反正可以說, 美國馬歇爾的人都極端恨惡陳納德. 想盡辦法要把他弄走... 到現在, 美國軍史上對陳納德的評價不過普通. 甚至在提到對於空軍的貢獻時, 也很少提到. 去看看英文的維基講美國空軍的條目時, 陳納德是不會被提到的. 如果要提, 他們寧可提飛虎隊. 但是路易斯安納州的人都還是很喜歡陳納德, 那邊有陳納德紀念館, 還有陳納的的像...

陳納德對中國的貢獻是巨大的. 這個巨大的貢獻不僅僅是在數據上, 更是在心理上! 在抗戰時, 如果沒有他的防衛系統, 重慶可能早就得投降了. 中國無論是老百姓, 軍隊, 還是政府, 當他們仰起頭來看到日空軍的轟炸, 那種無力的感覺不是史迪威或者任何其他西方人是所能夠了解的. 陳納德在這一方面提共了中國當時無與倫比的強大保護! 這個貢獻在我看來要比長城更巨大!

全軍破敵論壇(http://www.twc.idv.tw/main/?action-viewthread-tid-2202)