Friday, December 22, 2023

I have a problem

 I have a problem.  It is always there but I feel it is now exasperated by the covid isolation.   I am taking my glasses off now for the hope that this will help me to write without auto correct myself too much, to the point I cannot say what I want to say.  


I am not talking anymore.  For al lthe things out of my mouth was rehashed and recycled, and repeated.  But i don't have energy and no time, no thought to do anything beyond what's given.  When i was in the gym doing yoga flow, I feel I was restricted.  I felt there're more things to do, to go beyond.  I quit the gym.  I did nothing.  I might have something in my mind at one time or another.  But scattered my thought, when I finally emptied my self to think what I want to do, my thoughts were scattered into the four wind.  And this happened again and again.  


I want to put an photo book for my cats.  and yet, it's been three years and plus.  I did not  I need glue.  I can't believe I's say that.  But it is true.  I went to shopping around grocery...and when I got home, I'd say, oh, I forgot to get glue.  Next time then.  I have the photobook, even got metallic pen.  I just need to print the photos and glue!  



Thursday, December 07, 2023

Movie afterthought

 I watched MissionImpossible7(DeadReckoning Part1).  It was really good.  I was going to theater for it during the summer but got lazy.  Now I regret it.  

I feel the story was kind uninspiring.  However, when I watched it through, I did not feel the time passes and really genuinely interested in the story.  I think the uncertainty became the strength of the movie.  The new introduction of female character Grace was really good.  The actress is excellent in the role, which created such chaos, and her distrust of people around her, really create a curiosity of what's next.  

And I still need to give chop to TomCruise and his team.  Their action scenes were thrilling throughout.  I mean besides JackieChen, who else is still doing a similar thing and doing so well and refreshing.  There are humor, intensity, and I feel like I care about Tom's character and his people.   

Few funny spoilers:


while Benji let the car self-drive, why doesn't the AI kill him?  I saw someone mentioned it, I thought it was hilarious.  But my guess is AI must have calculated to allow it to happened.  But we'll see...


the other funny thing is, when they mentioned the world power looking to gain control of the Super AI, there' no mention of 中國....  LOL???!!!!   I feel it is because of the thin skin personality of 中國.  



Friday, November 24, 2023

Random

 又是一年過去了。  我感覺我的人停步不前的人生已有廿七年了。  這期間, 我只是不斷的恐懼。  在恐懼下, 我形容自己的情況就是, 眼光離不開腳前三尺。  我回首這一生, 自己真正做的任何事, 只有看書, 看圖, 玩遊戲, 看電影。  這些,是我自己會去做的事。  我會去找找有無我要看的書, 好看的圖, 想為的遊戲,和想看的電影。  但是, 自從冬冬走後, 我就不怎麼玩遊戲了。  最近幾年,也就是 新冠後, 我也看不到我想看的電影,尤其是新片。  書是我和自己說我一定得要看點書, 因我既不和人溝通, 也不怎麼在內心裡和自己說話,我的語言神經會因此而更快速的枯萎。  至於看圖, 自 2016 年有了手機, 看圖還加上照相。  但不知怎地, 我也少照了,而且以前在 IG 上貼圖的快樂也來自於標題或著文字的敘述, 但在 寶寶過去後, 我明顯的感到文字在我腦袋裡枯竭。  寶寶的死, 實在讓我內心難過不已。  難國不已。  


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時間很快的飛逝, 我始終無辦法感到重新開始。  在寶寶之後。  但是, 時間的流逝真的是不等人的。  大哥也快走了, 實際上, 我感到媽媽已是。  媽媽現在有個情況就是不敢講話。  這是我害的。  因為他實在很害怕講了甚麼會讓我暴跳如雷。  他前天想洗門,大概因為看到小瑋的門都很乾淨。  我看到了問他,他才說。  昨天我總算找到了一個可以去除地板黑垢的清潔劑, 也是因為他前天晚上和我提的。  也許他還是會說的, 也許他的語言神經也因為在 Sister Hine 走了之後, 在無人和他那樣向朋友一的無拘無束地聊天。  真的, 每個人都需要有這樣一個可以聊聊心裡話的人。  兒子是無法取代的。  還好他依然有上帝的會眾。  真的是衷心感謝!!!


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Wednesday, November 08, 2023

Hearing DameJudy Recites

 Sonnet 29: When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes

When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
       For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
       That then I scorn to change my state with kings.


I heard DameJudy recites this sonnet from GrahamNoton's show.  
When she started, everyone was silent.  A very short passing, but completely transformed a very comedic stage.  
Afterward, ArnoldSchwarzenegger said, wow, this sonnet has more lines than all his dialogues in all his movies  combined.  Made everyone laugh!  
Graham's show is always fun!  

Tuesday, November 07, 2023

烏森達達鳥希巴辜

 很難用文字寫下來。  

我很難做任何事情。  我似乎很沉默。  

剛剛吃了一個市場買的冷凍粽子, 好難吃。  


Saturday, October 21, 2023

尾巴

 看到 BassenJousseff  在 PiersNorgan 秀的採訪。  

尾巴的問題實在是國名的問題。  我跟媽媽說只要改成麥當勞就可以把尾巴統成一國。  但那是笑話。  嚴格來說,把國名定成亞伯lahan,倒是一個可行的辦法。  當然, 那對基本教義派的人來說還是不行的。  



Friday, October 20, 2023

Endeavour series random jot down

 I finished the tv series finally.  I was afraid I might not be able to see season 9, so I halted viewing on amazon for a while.  But then I found out that my library has season 9 DVD.  So I resumed watching again a couple weeks ago.  


I have to say that I can only understand half of the show.  The series isfrom England so there're lots of references and phrases that I don't understand completely, even with captions on.  I think I will go back and watch some of them.  

I really like the production of the series.  The music, the cinematography, the clothes, the mannerism...etc.  The character development, though I think it's reasonable, was hard to stomach for me at time.  I can't elaborate too much.  I might be able to pinpoint details after a second viewing.  I really like the cinematography, there are many shots I really like!  

This Endeavour character has a weird history with women.  It seems that he is really attracted to female but has hard time to express true feeling.  It's like he realized this trait of his, so he use the work to divert his own attention from it.   

For some weird reason, I feel this young Morse is a bit like Sheldon in BBT.  lol  

Morse and Thursday cannot be less similar to each other.  But they complement each other quite well.  I read somewhere that Thursday looked at Morse like a son which I think is a keen observation.  


As a policeman, I have to say Morse is really delicate, looks skinny and no physical presence, unlike Thursday and Strange, but similar to Mr. Bright.  There's always some weakness in similar setup, like mentalist and monk.  If they are brainy, then they have a weak physical presence.  But there's also different approach, like Reacher series, orBatman.  I did not dig deep into either series so I am not sure if they have other weakness.  


I am reading the first novel for Morse right now.  We'll see how I like the character there.  

Sunday, October 15, 2023

Texas Trip scattered thoughts

 這是新冠後第一次長途旅遊。  和媽媽還有舅舅。  我們走的路線很基本, 佩蘭阿姨家, 啟聖叔叔飯局, 和文莉家。  幾乎沒有到別處去。  就是 Clayton 帶我們到附近的 Somerville 州立公園兜一兜, 之後到 Brenham  去吃飯。  然後去 Bluebell 吃冰淇淋。  那幾天天氣雖熱,但是沒有下雨。  外面還可以走走。  最後兩天半到文莉家的時候就顛倒過來,老下雨, 文莉星期三的時候有甚麼安排都無法成行了。  倒是星期三大姨生日那天, 我們去 Katy 一家海底撈火鍋, 後來看到微訊裡面, 才知道文莉蓓莉 (可能還有舅舅,他們大概心照不宣) 計畫好,等於是大家慶祝大姨個生日。  沒有明說, 也算給媽媽一個交代?   Katy 好熱鬧, 好多好多亞洲餐館和商店。  德州似乎要比麻州要熱鬧多了。  不過, 他們在路上開車的時間也是至少兩倍。  我也蠻喜歡 Brenham,但是很可惜沒甚麼機會逛逛。  另外 Caldwell 的鎮中心也滿有風味。  雖說你可以說他有點老舊, 但是,正因為有點老舊, 他有一種我在烏森北方比較看不到的味道。  

佩蘭阿姨和文莉為我們親自下廚。  我很喜歡他第一天晚上為我們準備的絲瓜炒豆腐, 煎無骨雞腿,他的苦瓜我沒有嚐。  之後她也花不少心思, 當然他也有天然的便利, 就是自家種的絲瓜, 香瓜(金瓜)。  我也和 Clayton 去拿 Caldwell 鎮中心有名的 BBQ。  他們花了超過一百塊錢。  我只是很不好意思, 因為 Dwight 來我們家的時候, 我們只是很寒酸的招待他。  

我們每次去佩蘭阿姨家, 他都很費心的做早餐。  他說他自己和 Clayton 的時候都很簡單,他自己一片麵包加咖啡, Clayton 大概也是麵包果醬或花生醬, 好一點就在加個香腸。  但是我自從第一次到佩蘭阿姨家, 他就從我媽媽那裏聽說我們家都習慣是豪華早餐。  我第一次去佩蘭阿姨在 Harlingen 的家時,他總是為我特別準備早餐,那是一個暑假,我去他一個朋友的 greenhouse 幫忙。  這次去她家也不例外, 他還做了稀飯又炒了好些菜來搭配。  媽媽也說他們小時候在台灣,早上也是吃稀飯。  他說他們都吃不飽,沒到中午就餓了。  我現在又突然想到他說小時候他讀北一女時,和外公搭火車,一個上班一個上學。  外公好像會到北一女後面的攤販吃點花生甚麼的。  

在這個旅行計畫的時候, 聽說 文莉原定的計畫是先到她家, 但是舅舅自己醞釀的計畫是先到佩蘭阿姨家。  這樣在行程上也比較順。  舅舅提到他想的是媽媽和佩蘭阿姨可能比較想先見到面。  我本來也是想應該是先到文莉家的。  因為在我心裡, 此行的目的是要一睹文莉的新房,他在疫情期間換了房子。  舅舅的路線是比較順暢的。  

其實新冠期間,的確也是有些人事上的變動。  譬如佩蘭阿姨的婆婆過世, 佩蘭阿姨的先生, Clayton 心臟手術。  而且這一次我們來也未能見到佩蘭阿姨的公公。  只是短暫和佩蘭阿姨的小姑 Angie 照了一個面。  可能是怕我們在旅途中, 要減少公公染上新冠的機會。  另外, 文莉的小女兒上了大學都已經第三年了。  

我們到佩蘭阿姨家第二天, 文莉就和 Charles 開了一個小時半的車程過來。  他們大女兒也來了。  那就是我和 Clayton 去拿 BBQ 的那一天。  就是那天我們和 Angie 照面了五分鐘, 他來拿 BBQ 去和他父親吃。  那天滿熱鬧的, 文莉一向滿健談的。  我覺得意外的是 Charles 這次也興致滿高的。  談到了家裡的,政治的,經濟的,小孩的, 可以說無所不談。  真的, 新冠之前大家就不是常見面,有了新冠這個阻隔, 再次見面大家也都滿興奮的。  我們談了熱鬧,就忽略了 Clayton, 他就自己一個人到房間去。  兩三點的時候他出來說他要睡睡。  等到五六點的時候他起來, 有點不可思議地說他自己怎麼睡了這麼久。  大家一看吃晚飯時間到了, 於是又把剩下的 BBQ 拿出來,再熱熱昨晚的絲瓜苦瓜。  吃完晚飯,又聊了一個小時多, Clayton 從房間出來說,你們還在啊。  之後,文莉和 Charles 才起身告別。  

我們星期二一大早就和佩蘭阿姨分兩車去見梁叔叔。  一路上佩蘭阿姨的車卻出了問題。  那是他們家第一次買的親車,之前他們都是買舊車,或著是公婆用舊了的車。  但,就是這部才買了一年的車,剛過了 warranty ,雨刷就壞了。  還不到半路,Clayton 就把車停在路邊。  我們跟車,所以也停下來。  之後又停了兩次。  我們以為他的雨刷好了,但是之後一路上他們都開得很慢。  我們一路上都覺得很奇怪,因為之前舅舅還說這一次 Clayton 開車好像比較快了, 他說之前 Clayton 都不願開過 65。  但現在,他卻慢慢地跟在兩部大貨車之後。  佩蘭阿姨一路上其實都在說他們乾脆不去了。  但是 Clayton 卻堅持要去。  到快要到了梁叔叔家時,他們駛進一個停車場。  下了車, 佩蘭阿姨說他們的雨刷停在刷雨的中途,一路上下雨,他們只好慢慢開。  他說他要去找家修車廠, 然後直接回家,不去文莉家了。  但是,我們說我們跟你去修車廠,然後一起去梁叔叔那邊吃飯。      還好,就在街上不遠處,有一個 goodyear 修車廠。  我們就坐一部車去赴梁叔叔的約。  後來,他們的車子還是修好了。  但是佩蘭阿姨說要去看福特說。  

我們上一次來德州的時候,梁叔叔帶我們去吃一家 包肥。  媽媽很喜歡, 尤其是那個 lentil soup.  但是這次,梁叔叔說那個餐廳的午餐包肥沒有了。  所以他們換了一家包肥,這家有一個很好的 salad 吧,但他更是一家巴西烤肉店。  有四種肉,雞牛羊豬,可以選一種肉, 或者四種都吃。  他們給我選四種肉都可以吃的。  那一家店看起來很棒。  恐怕價錢不斐, 也因為這樣我吃的好飽。  飽到到了文莉家幾天胃口都小了。  

我們到文莉家的時候已經四點了。  文莉領我們到各自的客房後,媽媽和舅舅都休息了。  文莉讓我去看他的藏書和影片。  這時外面還下著雨, 我們還不能看去看他家的全貌。  文莉就趁媽媽和舅舅在休息時, 他準備他的餛飩。  那天的晚上也很熱鬧。  舅舅和文莉還有 Charles 熱烈的討論著政治上的話題。  媽媽先去睡了, 我和他們一直待到十二點!  大家才散了。  他那一天晚上準備的晚餐很棒, 有考麩炒素,扁尖雞湯加混沌,鹽水鴨。  我實在太喜歡了!  媽媽也是,他看到扁尖就很高興。  那個餛飩也是很有蘇州味。  之後, 文莉又做了三次菜。  每一次都很棒。  第二天的早餐是稀飯, 清炒菜心, 豆腐干炒扁尖,每一道菜都是既清新,又好吃。  中午是菜飯。  他又有兩種特別的機器可以把各種穀物榨成漿湯。  我們喝了豆漿,咖啡,玉米漿。。。  

我們在文莉家第二天一大早仍下大雨。  到了九點半左右,看看雨稍微停了一下,他們帶我們到附近的一個公園。  有一個很大的湖。  大家勉強走過了草坪到了湖邊。  可是一下子,我們就看著湖的遠方慢慢地飄來一大片雲。  接著就下了一個很大的雨。  這雨就是我印象裡德州的雨。  我們逃進一個小亭子裡。  剎那間,本來可以遠望的湖被水簾給遮起來了。  就連附近的所有蚊子也都逃進了亭子!!    這雨下了好一陣子後總算停了。  我們趕緊走回車旁。  但是, 本來已浸滿水的草地現在更多了小水塘。  我們東走西晃,一腳高一腳低才走出了草地。  鞋子都濕透了。

那天, Charles 也帶我們到他們後院去。  他們後院也有兩個湖, 一個大草原, 之後還有大片森林。  他說之前的主人喜歡在森林裡打獵。  這個暑假很乾所以大多數的湖都降了水位。  倒是草原上長滿了黃色的小花。  我們坐著他的 ATV,感覺的酷啊。  Charles 還特別開進入後面的樹林,我沒想到他出來的時候要倒著出來。  這片土地有他忙的!  

他們的走廊上有一個燕子窩,之後居然看到燕子飛旋期間。  還有鷺鷥在後院的湖裡邊。  也在樹上看到一隻大鷹。  還有其他各式各樣的小鳥。  

ㄈ  


Wednesday, August 16, 2023

Is there anything more random??!!!

 寶寶是個好貓貓,他是一個黃金貓。

他有漂亮的大眼睛,還有迷人的鬍鬚!

Tuesday, August 15, 2023

餘音錄完後的感想

 總共花了八個月。  

我本來覺得第二部,抗戰的部分,會比第一部更吸引人。  但是到最後,我覺得沒有。  第二部是對抗戰下的重慶日常生活提供了一個很好的參考。  但是以小說來說, 主軸故事卻沒有真正的和抗日生活描述聯繫起來。  中間有很多的空隙。  我覺得如果可以分開來, 把抗日生活以散文的方式呈現, 會更好。  故事方面,抗戰的描述流於空洞和制式化, 國內的政治情勢才是主軸。  我覺得一方面是因為作者本身的工作就不是前線戰場, 而是大後方的新聞管理。  在這一方面,作者提供了一個很棒的視角。  但是, 再一次的, 如果是純回憶, 我覺得會更精采。  


另外, 在開始錄製後, 我仍然希望可以緊跟著作者的用詞。  但是, 有些地方不能避免的還是有文字和口語的衝突。  我這次比在錄成長路的時候,稍微放縱一些, 大部分仍跟著很緊。  有些地方不免奇怪些。  


我下面要開始陸續錄製一些徐鍾珮的散文。  

Friday, August 04, 2023

歌詞鈔

 Lyrics

song and lyrics by The Brothers Four

Try to remember the kind of SeptemberWhen life was slow and oh, so mellowTry to remember the kind of SeptemberWhen grass was green and grain was yellowTry to remember the kind of SeptemberWhen you were a tender and callow fellowTry to remember and if you rememberThen follow, follow
Try to remember when life was so tenderThat no one wept except the willowTry to remember the kind of SeptemberWhen love was an ember about to billowTry to remember and if you rememberThen follow, follow
Deep in December, it's nice to rememberAlthough you know the snow will followDeep in December, it's nice to rememberThe fire of September that made us mellowDeep in December, our hearts should rememberAnd follow, follow, follow

EndeavourFirst season Afterthought

 I was surprised  by the duration of each episode, each one is like a movie.  It's atmosphere heavy, character driven.  The plots in the first two episodes were okay.  I think they are deep enough and layered reasonably.  But the plots in the last 2 was very lazy, I feel the twist was forced, artificial even.  The last 2 episodes seemed to be trying to introduce audiences who the characters are, what's their backgrounds...etc.  It's okay for me.  I will try season 2, hopefully the quality of mystery would go back up a bit.  I would rather the episode focused on mystery sprinkled little bits of characters and background.  But I feel the series would be in reverse.  


The character of Fred Thursday actually reminded me of Armand Gamache in Three Pines series.   

TheMaid afterthought

 I don't like the book.  The book is a breeze to read, I finished it quickly enough.  I have some chuckles at the beginning when the protagonist is being introduced.  But the first person narrative quickly became repetitive and mind numbing, until some other characters were introduced, and their action starts to drive the story forward.  

But everything moved in a brisk pace, which is a good thing.  I feel the protagonist does not give me an authentic person, especially when the plot twist in the ending.  And there's a lot of cliché in the story.  Cliche is fine, as long as the characters and plots are interesting enough.  But not here.  

And the ending... Oh my...  The lazy ending.  I am not sure what the author's purpose for the ending?  Not a very good book.  Just waste a few days reading this book.  That feeling mostly came from the ending.  The subpar plot and characters were okay, kind expect for a book like this.  But the feeling of waste make this book worthless.  

Sunday, July 16, 2023

Happy Everyday

 昨天去 Roger 家吃飯。  這事已在三個星期前約好了。  當時媽媽滿興奮的。  因為大概一個多月以前她第一見到 Roger 的女兒, 柔柔。  媽媽當場就好喜歡這個三歲的小女孩。  但是, 一方面因為媽媽上週感冒後現在仍然咳嗽,而且很容易累。  另一方面, 我看到 Roger 的餐點裡有冰淇淋蛋糕, 就知道媽媽的預感是對的, 這是一個生日宴。  媽媽在三個星期前聽到有這個約的時候, 他就問會否是一個生日。  我想有可能, 本來要去問的。  但是, 媽媽說不要問吧。  就因為他說不要問, 我感覺他還滿想去的。  現在生日蛋糕出現了, 他也就藉著感冒沒好, 事實上也真的沒好, 說不去了。  


這個聚會人並不多, 只有五個外人,包括我在內。  Roger 把院子弄得還不錯, 他岳母種的花花草草也都長得很好。  其中有一株, 那顏色真是漂亮極了, 那形狀也是豐富的不得了。  Becca 弄了一個 雅買加 jerkey chicken, 和 Bean and rice, 還有沙拉, 還有冷盤。  胡熒阿姨帶了壽司, 舅媽也帶了一個涼拌,Leo & Maria 帶了好多水果, 我也準備了一些 tzatziki。  我們吃完後, 我到院子裡走一走,去照照相, 後來胡熒阿姨和舅媽也帶著柔柔出來, Roger 也出來拿了些玩具給柔柔玩。  


我們回進去後, 大家就看柔柔吃飯。  柔柔真的是滿會講話的, 聽一個小小孩帶著稚氣用一些成熟的詞彙, 他把大家都逗笑了。   Leo 叔叔笑得可開心了。  唉, 如果媽媽在,他也是會高興地。  接者就是吃蛋糕, Becca 好像提到蛋糕上面的字眼不是 happy birthday.  我還沒搞清楚, 等蛋糕盒一揭開, 我伸頭一瞧, 真的, 蛋糕上面寫著的字樣是 , Happy Everyday!  Becca 說是胡熒阿姨要求的。  我的老天, 媽媽一直說胡盈阿姨不喜歡媽媽不和別人一起慶祝生日。  我們都沒有料到他會做這樣的要求。  也是柔柔年紀小, Roger 和 Becca 很孝順, 胡熒阿姨一家對別人的禮貌是沒話說的, 而這樣尊重媽媽的信仰, 我無法用言詞來形容了。  當然,舅舅和舅媽鐵定知道是怎麼回事, Leo 夫婦倆可能不知道為什麼。  之後, 大家開始唱歌慶生, 一開始唱的是 Happy Everyday to you...  中英文夾雜, 後來大概變成了生日快樂。  滿好玩的。  

回家和媽媽說了,也和小瑋說了,小瑋也直說哇賽。。。  

記錄下來, 實在是希望不要忘記。  

Friday, July 14, 2023

One of this year's event

 Dwight traveled from Texas to New England in the mid of May.  He arrived at Vermont, his friend's wedding to perform his harp.  I remember  he arrived at Uncle's in the early June.   My mom and I went to uncle's house to meet him.  Everyone wants to try his tent on top of his Rav4.  We then proceeded to uncle's house.  The rest of night, he performed his harp piece for all of us.  And I suggested we sing together for Dwight also have a guitar.  I recorded a video.  It was quite fun.  Even Aunt May chimed in, and I feel she did enjoy some singing.  


I suggested to my sis that she and her husband can come and sing Karaoke with Dwight, I could also invite uncles.  It was a very hard week for them.  One of my mom's oldest friend from USA passed away suddenly just a couple days ago.  Her son was the only survivor.  And she's such an important person in  the Chinese congregation.  My sis did not broke the news to my mom, since my mom does not belong to the Chinese congregation.  She's afraid it's a shock for my mom.  I agreed, since  I saw how impactful was the other sister's passing for my mom.  My sis and her husband, along with their Chinese congregation coordinated their effort taking turns to be with Betty's son, sitting in the hospital, driving him to do errands, giving out suggestion, providing food.  For example, my sis told us there're days they spend over at hospital for more than 4 hours.  And to the end, some patients and nurses were amazed and can't stop wondering who this woman is.  


Though it was a difficult week for my sis and her husband.  She agreed the Karaoke since Dwight did express a want to meet my sis.  My uncle did not want to come at first when he knew we intend to sing.  But for the reason I did not remember, they eventually said yes.  Uncles and my sis brought some food, I bought Costco rotisserie Chicken and potato chips and salad.  I got some cheese and ham for cold dish.  The night was quite interesting, even my mom sang a song.  And aunt May sing a couple.  Then Dwight sang a few.  


After staying at uncle's for 10 days, Dwight left for New York.  And from my aunt PL, we knew she went to Philly afterwards.   During Dwight's 10 day stays, I watched the last game of NBA eastern conference championship.  It was disappointing game.  We also played some basketball.  He's getting quite good.  He played a lot as he told me.  And he is not shy from playing other people.  During those 10 days, I think they went to eat quite often.  Uncle picked up all the tabs.  We also had ramen, a new shop just opened up in Andover this year.  


Then on 7/4/2023, Dwight came back from his Philly trip.  This time, he stayed at our place.  But he fell sick.  Then my mom fell sick, she was very tired from her three day convention with my sis.  All the elements mixed up at the same time.  I was irritated and agitated.  Both of them lost appetite.  Now I can understand why mothers in the world will not be happy if their kids did not finish their plates.  Because there's not much else a human being can do under the stress.   Though I suspect our food made Dwight even less appetizing.  I appreciate that Dwight was mild enough to hear me vent, even when I told him if he felt better, he should leave.  I was annoyed that he's feeling under weather but kept saying he's fine.  I was lucky enough that he has a brain and rational enough.  And the weather did not help at all, that week was the hottest week, the whole 7 days.  Our lack of air conditioning really exacerbate the situation also.  


Dwight arrived on Sunday night, he left the next Saturday.  I knew he's feeling better, still a bit weak though.  He scheduled his camping site, made contact with his friend at Concord, MA and upstate New York.  Then he left.  I met him at Walden Pond the next day.  He wanted to read Walden Pond at Walden Pond.  It feels like a bucket list thing to do.   Walden Pond parking was not kind to the out of state people, it's $30.  After we went to market place for all day breakfast, then we part ways.  


It was an experience.  For him, and for us.  For me and my mom, we lived like a hobbit, never travel except necessary.  Very seldom dining out, only necessary, or for my case, long for certain food.  


I just want to write down so I won't forget what has passed.  

Saturday, June 17, 2023

優七區

 今年金磚隊戰勝的隊伍裡, 在西部賽事中, 灰狼隊有兩個七吋以上的中鋒, 太陽隊有個七吋的中鋒和一個六尺十一吋的前鋒, 湖人有一個以防守著名的大前鋒/中鋒, 唯一沒有很高中鋒的只有熱火隊,但是熱浪的中鋒雖然只有六尺九吋, 但也是以防守著名。  


如果有人說, 只是因為優七區沒有遇到像他一樣高大的敵手, 這是個錯誤的印象。  

Tuesday, June 13, 2023

詩鈔

 Dulce et Decorum Est

by Wilfred Owen


Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs,
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots,
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of gas-shells dropping softly behind.

Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!—An ecstasy of fumbling
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime.—
Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,—
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.
Notes:

Latin phrase is from the Roman poet Horace: “It is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country.”

N/a
Source: Poems (Viking Press, 1921)

(source: Poetryfoundation.rog)

一個英國士兵在一戰時寫給母親的信上, 寫下了這首詩。  時間大概是一九一七年。  他看到他的戰友因為來不及戴上防毒面具後的悲慘情景。  

一戰後,歐洲很多皇室都垮了。  當時有些人認為一戰的興起都是因為這些國王的之間私仇,導致一次世界大戰。  但是, 到了第二次世界大戰呢?  民主後的國家,再次造成大戰。  這似乎不是民主或不民主的問題,也不是專制和民主的對抗。  而是像老鼠生得太多後,就會自相殘殺?    我記得我看過一個十九世紀末的文章,文章裡提到當時的歐洲國家都在計算自身的人口,作為廟算的權衡。  
Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

是一戰前很有名的一句詩,是一句古代羅馬詩人 Horace 的詩, 意思是為國家而死是甜蜜而且適當的。  詩人在一九一七年寫這封信的對象是母親,但是這首詩實在是回應戰前一批鼓勵國人上戰場的一群人裡的一位女詩人。  

我現在看到一戰的情景正在上映。  烏森不斷說中共要打台灣, 而俄烏戰爭也已開打。  烏森從 08 年前後就已經展開他對中共的包圍。  這個包圍到現在已經很緊緊了。  另外, 中共在 2000年只以幾十艘戰船。  現在有三百五十艘以上。  這個情況也讓我替台灣捏一把冷汗。  無論是兩岸哪一個領導人, 請看看敘利亞,看看烏克蘭。  和平共存救中國。  永遠不要忘記 季梁的諫語。  


Sunday, June 11, 2023

回台紀錄

 我想大概是 民國一百年還是九九,或九八年, 和我母親回台灣。  外公也從大陸回台。

星期一: 媽看病,下午桃園機場接外公, 外公與媽和任公公任婆婆在永康街高紀吃飯。  我和明秀阿姨吃飯拿藥。 

星期二: 去張華權公公家, 去郵局, 去台灣銀行, 去吃飯, 毛婆婆家, 第一銀行, 菸酒更賣局, 南門市場樓上戶政事務所, 隆記。

星期三: 蔡公公,蔡婆婆 Ikari 喝茶喝咖啡, 並吃午飯, 合作金庫中崙分行, 晚飯吃鰻魚丼(添財)

星期四: 大安區公所, BEA 證劵市, 新店上海商業, 王麗請客。  

星期五: 合作金庫中崙, 南昌街里長, 中飯天然臺,旅館, 新店拿藥罐, 晚餐銀翼

星期六: 自由活動, 找西瓜, 洗衣店洗衣服, 添財烤香魚


Saturday, May 27, 2023

書鈔 。一點點感想

 From book, What are you going through by SigridNunez


"Everything that a writer writes could just as easily have been different - but not until it's been written.  As a life could have been different, but not until it's been lived.  "

--- The Condition of Secrecy, by Inger Christensen, Trans. Susanna Nied


剛看完這本書。  很喜歡上面的句子,所以抄錄下來。  

這本書和作者上本書的風格很類似。  都像是在和讀者聊天。  很容易閱讀。  但我仍在書裡幾個地方迷路。  不確定發生了甚麼事。  畢竟, 我不是一個文學的讀者。  我看完後,有點不確定自己到底是什麼感覺。  和上一本不同, 那本給我的衝擊是很大的, 之後的感覺依然是很強烈的。  強烈到, 我現在又去讀了本同一個作者寫的書。  混沌的感覺似乎是說明這本書沒有上一本好。  雖說我的感覺有點混沌, 但是也有好處, 書不長。  即使不喜歡,也無所謂,因為不佔太多時間。 

不過我覺得我需要醞釀一下, 因為雖是小說, 裡面的故事不少,有主軸,也有許多軼聞。  這次還是以自殺為主軸,以家庭人生環繞其外。  另外, 和上一本一樣, 有許多讓我發笑的地方。  這種笑,我還滿喜歡的。  每個人都有荒謬的想法, 作者寫出來的態度是自然的。  並不是特意要寫一個笑話。  最後, 雖說是小說,裡面所提到的故事都很真實,我感覺都真的是作者旁邊曾發生的事情和認識的人。  我覺得每本書都像是 pulled everything from her own bosom.  

這本書也提到文學的目的。  書裡提到一位作者 (WilliamFaulkner) 在諾貝爾獎的一個演說:「現代很多作者寫的書都是寫給內分泌的, 可是真正的文學應該是為了心而寫。」  (He writes not of the heart but of the glands.)  書裡的的最後三句話中間的一句也來自 Faulkner 同一個演講稿:


"I have tried.

Love and honor and pity and pride and compassion and sacrifice ---

What does it matter if I failed."


我實在不能說我讀懂了這本書, 因為他裡面提到的人事物, 有很多我都不知道。  也許這就是我感覺渾沌的原因。  但就像他上一本書一樣, 裡面也有很多我不知道的人事物。  可是 the friend 給我的震撼始終都在。  剛看完時的震撼多半有不少內分泌的成分, 但是現在又去找他的書看, 是否也有心靈上的原因? 

Tuesday, May 16, 2023

小龍蝦電影 觀後感

 和書比起來,我覺得電影比較好。  電影其實是緊緊跟著原著走。  而且, 畢竟是電影,有不少地方還是書比較仔細。  那為什麼我覺得電影比較好呢?  

我不熟悉小說裡的場景,電影裡可以看到。  我很喜歡。  小說裡,我最喜歡的地方就是有關自然的地方。  原著的作者自身一定也是對自然很有感情的人, 在電影, 我覺得他們也滿用力拍攝的。  我覺得雖然還可以在自然環境上做更多的著墨, 但實際的情況已經是不錯了。  

人物的著墨在電影裡也都呈現出來,尤其是我喜歡的地方, 雜貨店夫婦, 男朋友父子間的感情。  即使是那個律師,我也很喜歡。  另外,我覺得電影裡的第一段的戀情,也讓我更有感覺。  我只是希望, 他們可以用書裡的年紀,電影大概為了觀眾, 把第一段的戀情年紀調高了。  

他們選的演員我也喜歡。  至少在我眼裡,都不是我熟悉的演員。  大概都是新生代, 但我還是覺得還蠻符合各自的角色。  


算是一個中規中矩的電影。  我覺得還可以,至少不感覺浪費時間。  而且有實際的人性經驗。  

The trees and plants I saw today

 I don't know their names.  

There's a bush by the road between me and my neighbor.  It is blooming crazy.  I think it was the day before yesterday, I noticed there're tons of bees flying around the bush, honey bees, bumble bees and other bees and flies.  

But when I stepped out after dinner, around 630pm today, the bush was swarmed by crazy flies, or wild bees, not honey bees or bumble bees, just something.  They were flying crazy.  However, strange as is, stranger is that they just fly around the bush, nothing on the blooming flowers!!  You can hear the buzzing, but no fly or wild bees stepped on the flower and suck the honey??  And why is there no honey bees or bumble bees?   There are a lot of honey and bumble bees when my crap apple tree was flowering just a week ago...  

Then I noticed something horrible.  There're a lot of aphids on the bush!!  But the bush would look withered when there're lots of aphids!  The bush looked great.  The only thing I could think of is that aphids just found the bush?  So weird...  And is it the reason why flies and bees do not want to land on the flowers??  


-------------------------------------------------


I was walking around, I never noticed so many trees dying.  I mean it's quite deep into the spring time.  Maybe I just started notice the dying and dead tree in spring time?  So many of them are dying or dead.  Pine trees are particularly noticeable.  Some trees grow leaves, but I can see the thinning of leaves on the branches.  And for some reason, also noted by my mother in the past months, some new leaves looked yellow, not the usual spring young yellow, but almost fall like.  

It's a very scary sight...  


--------------------------------------------------

Sunday, May 14, 2023

上個月的某一個晚上

 上個月的某一個晚上,那時天暗的早。  我上樓時屋子已全黑了, 照慣例, 我只打開了桌上的一盞燈, 然後坐在桌前看電腦。  突然聽到窗外有 嗚嗚聲傳來。  我感覺有一種熟習的感覺。  心裡一閃, 趕忙把筆電蓋上, 但是已經來不及。   我抬頭看窗外的時候, 有一個巨大的影子飛過窗外!  天哪, 是一隻鴞!!    我心裡的興奮是不能言喻的。  記得去年底才跟自己說, 看過一些書裡提到麻州也有鴞,但是自己從來沒看過!  這次居然能在自家後院聽到,還看到飛翔的影子!

  真是太高興了。  

Friday, May 12, 2023

Random

 I am tired.  No, scrap that.  I am still standing on the same spot for the last 20 years.  

But no man can stand at one place forever.  People around me are changing, and so do I.  Standing on the same spot is true, but like at a spot on a conveyor belt.  

I am sad.  That's a given.  

I am alone.  I hope it's an illusion.  

I am trying to write something.  It seems I have nothing to say.  But I know there's a lot of noise, that I am carefully selecting which one to come out.  Even only I read this, I am still very cautious.  

I used to read somewhere that boring people keeps his eyes on news.  I am like that now.  It's either news, weather, yT, fB, or IG, NBAor P.  I used to frequent a lot of video game content, but since I learned it cost considerable electricity, I stopped it, along with all VG content.  Now if I got nothing to do, I frequent news.  But alas, there's no news.  Just rehashed, dramatized repetition.  

I have a place to play PPingpong now.  Every thursday at seniorcenter.  It's the only regular exercise I do these days.  


When I was at Mascon, I was impressed that Vic did a lot of project of his own after work.  And I told my mom about this.  then I said, how come they all have their things to do but not me.  after all these years, I learned that the problem is myself.  When I am alone, no work, no plan, I would immediately get anxious.  So I will grab anything to fill the void.  First, it's books, then it's movies.  There was video games.  but like my mom said, all those activities do not make me grow.  For I did not learn anything from reading books.  I did not do, and still do not.  My excuse is always this: I need a concrete plan before I act.  But through these years of many jobs, I learned one thing, a lot of business are merely trials and errors, and grit and grind it for a long time, and luck not to fail the first year.  Although I still say, a plan is still needed.  But without taking the first step, I can't even plan.  

My mother kept telling me her own experience after my father past away almost 30 years ago.  She said she suddenly felt utterly alone.  And she's still alone nowadays.  I know I am scared, but I keep wondering if I am really depressed.  Yeah, I am still trying to find excuses.  I said she's alone, because I am far away from doing what I am supposed to do.  I now know that both my mom and my sister look at things far better and clearer than I am.  I thought if I could hold on a job, I am not disabled.  But I have to agree with them now, I am disabled.  

I am feeling very inadequate, frustrated, dejected, depressed, and anger is building up.  My mom does not need me to take care of her, maybe now a little.  but that's really is due to her deterioration through years of not enough social contact, which she really craves.  And I, I now realize, more than half of the time is depressed.  I don't contact people, when I do, it's not working.  How do I know I am depressed?  Half of my waking hours are used to watch funny clips of past shows.  All of them are comedy.  I can immediately tell you it's a sign of depression, plus no social contact.  Nada, zip.  I was working whole day today.  and yet, I talk to people no more than 10 sentences.  When I got home, I went for a walk, back to have dinner, then lying on bed watch funny clips.  My mom was alone down stairs.  Later, right before her bed time, she came up so I said let's go watch some yT downstairs.  We did not watch much.  There's nothing on it interesting.  

When I was younger, my mom led my sis and I through a lot of activities.  She talked to me when I was frustrated, when I was frustrated, I don't talk.  She tried to lead.  Even now, she still try.  But I came out empty.  I am at a spot on a conveyor belt, and so was my brain. 


Tuesday, May 02, 2023

擺上來等著哪天看看(在巨流河裡聽到的)

〈魚〉(上) ╱ 黃春明


   「阿公,你叫我回來時帶一條魚,我帶回來了,是一條鰹仔魚哪!」阿蒼蹬著一部破舊的腳踏車,一出小鎮,禁不住滿懷的歡喜,竟自言自語地叫起來。


  二十八吋的大車子,本來就不是像阿蒼這樣的小孩騎的。開始時,他曾想把右腿跨過三角架來騎。但是,他總覺得他不應該再這樣騎車子。他想他已經不小了。


  阿蒼騎在車上,屁股不得不左右滑上滑下。包在野芋葉裏的熟鰹仔,掛在車把上,跟著車身搖晃得相當厲害。阿蒼知道,這條鏗仔魚帶回山上,祖父和弟弟妹妹將是多麼高興。同時他們知道他學會了騎車子,也一定驚奇。再說,騎車子回到埤頭的山腳,來回又可以省下十二塊的車錢。這就是阿蒼苦苦地求木匠,把擱在庫間不用的破車,借他回家的原因。


  沿路,什麼都不在阿蒼的腦裏,連破車子各部份所發出來的交響也一樣。他祇是一味地想盡快把魚帶給祖父。他想一見到祖父,他將魚提得高高地說。「怎麼樣?我的記憶不壞吧。我帶一條魚回來了!」


    「阿蒼,下次回家來的時候,最好能帶一條魚回來。住在山上想吃海魚真不便,帶大一點的魚更好。」


  「下次回來,那不知道要在什麼時候?」


  他們默默地繞過那條彎路。


  「你到哪裏?」


  「沒有啊。我送你到山腳。」


  「不用啦。我自己會小心。下次回來,我一定帶一條魚。」


  「那最好。不過沒有也就算了。有時候遇到壞天氣,討海人不出海,你有錢也沒魚吃。」


  「希望不會遇到壞天氣。」


  阿蒼不在意地眼望著山坡。他看到羊群在相思林裏吃草。


  「我們的羊怎麼樣?」


  「喔!我們的羊真好。」


  「我想我們多養幾隻羊,以後換一套木匠的工具。」阿蒼隨手在路邊抽了一根菅。

  「小心你的手。菅是會割傷手的。」老人忙著轉過話來:「你要木匠的工具了?」


  「哼!」小孩子說:「我不但會釘桌子。櫥子、門扇、眼床、木箱我都釘過。」


  老人愉快地說:


  「好!我多養幾隻羊讓你換一套工具。」


  「什麼時候?」


  「不要急。阿公馬上就做。我用兩隻公羊去和山腳他們換一隻母羊,就可以開始了。」


  「要快一點。我快做木匠啦!」


  「所以啊!」老人愛憐地說:「目前什麼苦你都得忍耐。知道嗎?」


  過了相思林,他們都看到遠處的埤頭停車牌子。他們沉默下來了。當他們真正踏到平地時,老人說:

  「吃得飽嗎?」


  「─────」


  「他們打你嗎?」


  「─────」


  「怎麼了?不說話?」


  小孩子低著頭飲泣著。


  「不要哭了。要做木匠的人還哭什麼?」


  小孩子搖搖頭,用手把眼淚揮掉,「我沒哭。」但是他還是不敢把頭抬起來。


  「阿公,你回去啦。」


  「好!我就回去,我站在這裏休息一下。你快點到車牌那裏等車。」


  小孩走了幾步,被老人喊住了。


  「你過來一下。」老人自己也走近小孩:「有一次阿公擔了幾十斤山芋到街上賣了錢。我就到市場想買一條魚給你們吃。車子來了沒有?」


  「還沒。」


  「車子來了你就告訴我。你知道,魚是比一般的菜都貴的。那一天。我在賣魚的攤位前,不知道繞了幾十趟,後來那些賣魚的魚販也懶得再招呼我了。但是,我還是轉來轉去,拿不定主意。你知道我為什麼?」


  「想偷一條。」


  「胡說!」老人把腰挺起來:「那才不應該。這種事千萬做不得。我死也寧可餓死!」他又彎下腰對小孩說:「因為魚很貴,並且賣魚的魚販子,不是搶人的秤頭。就是加斤加兩的。阿公又不懂得算,才問他他魚一斤多少錢,他們一手就抓起魚用很粗很溼的鹹草穿起來秤。你要注意車子喔!來了就告訴我。」


  「還沒有來。」


  「所以我不斷繞魚攤,一方面看魚,一方面看哪一個魚販的臉老實。最後我在一個賣鰹仔魚的攤位前停下來,向那個賣魚的女魚販子挑了一條鏗仔魚。我還一而再、再而三地說,要她秤得夠,千萬不要欺騙老人。她還口口聲聲叫我放心,結果買了一條三斤重的鰹仔魚,回到家一秤,竟相差一斤半!」老人的眉頭皺得很深:


  「一擔山芋的錢,才差不多是一條三斤重的鰹仔魚的錢‥‥‥。」


  「車子來啦!我聽到車子的聲音。」


  因為把腰哈得太久,老人好不容易才把腰挺直起來,跟著小孩向路的一端望車子。


  「只聽到聲音,那沒關係。」


  「說不定是林場的車子。」小孩興奮地說。


  「那更好。不就可以搭便車了嗎?」停了一下。「等一等,我說到哪裏了?」


  「你說一擔山芋的錢,差不多是一條三斤重的鰹仔魚的錢。」


  「你都聽進去了?」


  小孩點點頭。


  「那簡直是搶了我一擔的山芋,害得我回來心痛好幾天。說老實話,我一直到現在還不敢走進市場的魚攤哪!」老人長長地嘆了一口氣。「唉!山上的人想吃海魚真不便‥‥‥」


  「車來了。


  老人瞇著眼望著。


  「在那裡,灰塵揚得很高的地方。」


  「大概是車子來了。好吧,你快點過去。阿公不再送你了。我就站在這裡休息一下。」


  「我走了。」


  「阿蒼,不要忘了‥‥‥。」


  「帶一條魚回來。」小孩接下去說。


  老人和小孩都笑了。


〈魚〉(下) ╱ 黃春明


  「阿公,我沒忘記。我帶條魚回來了。是一條鏗仔魚哪!」阿蒼一再地把一種類似勝利的喜悅,在心裏頭反覆地自言自語。一路上,他想像到弟弟和妹妹見了鏗仔魚時的大眼睛,還想像到老人伸手夾魚的筷子尖的顫抖。「阿公,再過兩個月我就是木匠啦!」。


  卡啦!「該死的鏈子。」阿蒼又跳下車子,把脫落的鏈子安在齒輪上,再用手搖一隻踏板,鏈子又上軌了。從沿途不停地掉鏈子的經驗,阿蒼知道不能踏得太快,但是他總是忘記。當阿蒼拍拍油污和鐵銹的手,想上車的時候,他突然發現魚掉了。掛在把軸上的,只剩下空空的野芋葉子。阿蒼急忙地返頭,在兩公里外的路上,終於發現被卡車輾壓在泥地上的一張糊了的魚的圖案。


  懊喪的阿蒼,被這偶發事件,折磨了兩個多小時,他已不想再哭了。回到山上,遠遠就看到祖父蹲在門口,用竹青編竹具。他沒有勇氣喊阿公了。他悄悄地走近老人。老人猛一抬頭:「呀!你什麼時候回來的?」


  「剛剛到。」說著就走進屋子裏面。


  老人放下手上的東西,想跟到裏面。但是從他想站起來到他伸直腰,還有一段夠他說幾句話的時間。

  「阿蒼,你回來時在山邊看到我們的羊沒有?」老人沒聽到他的回答。「就在茅草那裏,你弟弟和妹妹都在那裏看羊。我替你辦到了,你就快要有一套木匠的工具啦!」。


  阿蒼在裏面聽了這話,反而心裏更覺得難過。


  「阿蒼,你聽到了我講什麼嗎?」他一面說,一面走了進去。他還是沒聽到阿蒼的回答。「你到底怎麼了?像新娘子一樣,一進門就躲在裏面。」他到臥房,到工具間,再轉進廚房才看到阿蒼把整個頭都埋在水瓢裏咕嚕咕嚕地喝水。


  「噢!在這裏。帶魚回來了沒有?」


  阿蒼還在喝水。


  「我幾天天氣不好,市場上不會有魚的。」老人明知道這幾天的天氣很好。「不能以我們這裏的天氣為憑準。海上的天氣最多變了。」


  阿蒼故意把臉弄溼。他想,這樣子祖父就不知道他哭了。他把溼溼的臉抬起來說。


  「有魚的!」


  「魚呢?」


  「我買回來了。是一條鰹仔魚。」


  「在那裏?」老人眼睛搜索著廚房四周。


  「掉了!」


  「掉了?」


  「掉了!」阿蒼不敢看老人的臉,又把頭埋在水瓢裏。他實在不想再喝水了,一點也不。


  「這‥‥‥這怎麼可能呢?」老人覺得太可惜了。


  以前買鰹仔魚被搶了秤頭的那陣疼痛又發作起來。


  但是阿蒼沒了解老人的意思。他馬上辯解著說:「真的!我沒有騙你。我掛在腳踏車上掉的。」


  「腳踏車?」


  「是的,我會騎腳踏車了!」阿蒼等著看老人家為他高興。


  「車呢?」


  「寄在山腳店仔。」


  「掛在車上掉的?」老人一個字一個字說得很慢很清楚。


  阿蒼完全失望了。


  「我真的買了一條鰹仔魚回來,它掉在路上被卡車壓糊了。」


  「那不是等於沒買回來?」


  「不!我買回來了!」很大聲地說。


  「是!買回來了。但是掉了對不對?」


  阿蒼很不高興祖父變得那麼不在乎的樣子。


  「我真的買回來了。」小孩變得很氣惱。


  「我已經知道你買回來了。」


  「我沒有騙你!我絕對沒騙你!我發誓。」阿蒼哭了。


  「我知道你沒有騙阿公,你向來不騙阿公的。只是魚掉在路上。」他安慰著。


  「不!你不知道。你以為我在騙你‥‥‥。」阿蒼抽噎著。


  「以後買回來不就好了嗎?」


  「今天我已經買回來了!」


  「我相信你今天買魚回來了,你還哭什麼?真傻。」


  「但是我沒拿魚回來‥‥‥」。


  「魚掉了。被卡車壓糊了,對不對?」


  「不!你不知道,你不知道。你以為我在騙你‥‥‥。」


  「阿公完全相信你的話。」


  「我不相信。」


  「那麼你到底要我怎麼說?」老人實在煩不過了,他無可奈何地攤開手。


  「我不要你相信,我不要你相信‥‥。」阿蒼一邊嚷,一邊把拿在手裏的葫蘆水瓢摜在地上,像小牛一般地哭起來。


  老人被他這樣子纏得一時發了無名火,隨手在門後抓到挑水的扁擔,一棒就打了過去。阿蒼的肩膀著實地挨了一記,趕快奪門跑了出去,老人緊跟在後追。


  阿蒼跑過茶園,老人跟著跑過茶園。阿蒼跑到刺竹叢那裏,急忙地往五六尺深的坎,跳到回家來的山路上。老人跟到刺竹坎上停下來了。阿蒼回頭看到老人停下來,他也停下來。他們之間已經接了一段很遠的距離。


  老人一手握著扁擔,一手搭在竹上,喘著氣大聲地叫。


  「你不要再踏進門。我一棒就打死你!」


  阿蒼馬上嘶著嗓門接著喊了過來:


  「我真的買魚回來了。」


  傍晚,山間很靜。這時,老人和小孩瞬間裏都怔了一怔。因為他們都同時很清楚地聽到山谷那邊回音說:


  「──真的買魚回來了。」

random

 Random.  


Afterthoughts


my process  of searching for  jobs:


go to email, then explore indeed, No, i am not qualified.  No, I am no qualified.  No I don't want to do that.  Ummm...I need to write a cover letter?  Okay, next time then.  

or, maybe I should go to school...  


--------------



Sunday, April 30, 2023

everythingeverywhereallatonce

 Saw the movie, in 2 separate occasions.   I could not finished it the first time.  After I heard ML said its her favorite film which I guessed when I saw the movie the first time, I went and borrowed it from library.  I thought maybe when I watched the second time, it would be better.  Not really that much better...  

So now, I ask myself. why does it not appeal to me.  One of the most unappealing thing is I've already guessed the ending after 1/3 way.  And after I borrowed the movie the second go around, I was quite upset.  Why do I get upset about knowing the ending?  I liked King Kong w/ Naomi in it which I knew the ending.  

Let's get a few things out of the way.  I feel the movie is really funny at time.  That comical side really came from how weird the whole setup is.  It has a rawness that similar to many Asian movies.  Where the concept of taboo became unhinged.  And you can pretty much see fusion of styles, cultures, thoughts blended together, doesn't matter if it's seamlessly tailored.  It's a bravado display.  That wackiness is the source of the comedy.  And the action.  It was a very good blend of fighting and special effect.  Make the comedy come alive even more.  

I feel the movie is incredible in portraying an Asian family in US.  Incredible in a way that I feel somehow familiar, not because I experienced it.  But through many stories that I heard.  Maybe it's cliché, but the performance of MY and KHQ is so good.  I agree with theOscar.  when I saw KHQ's character's first transformation, I was immediately impressed!  For MY, my impression of her is always an action star.  Her acting in Crouching T and Hidden D was eye opening.  But here, I am very impressed.  

Additionally, I think the movie must've made under a cheap budget.  And I believe it's an incredible editing work that to propel the multiverse concept.  I am really amazed of how it worked out.  Just to think you can blend hot dog sex, raccoon chef, movie star, laundry owner, and a bagel together to make a multiverse, you have to appreciate the work they put into making this movie.  


 But for all these elements, I still don't like the movie.  I think it's must be because I don't like the ending.  A lesbian or gay Asian theme is so very much cliché.  The everything all worked out fine, another Asian cliché.  A parents and their descendants all understanding and love each other is another one.  It's just that there's a lot of noises and pictures, a great commotions, but the ending is just that.  I've always put a moved in my favorite list by the feeling it lingered afterwards.  I feel like I kept feeling cliché flattens my feeling for the movie.   

Tuesday, April 25, 2023

這頭好豬豬

 我昨天看完 The good good pig, 作者 SyMontgomery.   

最近剛看完幾本都是有關動物的書,不知怎地又想到 Sy 的書。  他的文筆十分流暢,很容易讀。  我用讀書館的 App,所以一下子借了三本他的書。   


我很喜歡這本書。  這是一本回憶錄。  不僅僅是回憶這頭叫做 Christopher Hogwood 的豬,也是作者對於自身的回憶。  他甚至對自己的父母,家族,丈夫,朋友都做了許多詳實的描述。  回顧我之前看了 HisforHawk 和 BookofEEL,我發現這本書也有異曲同工之處。  就是借了作者描寫深深眷戀的豬,他同一時間裡還抒發了自己對父母的的愛。  因為就在他開始養豬到這隻豬死去前不久,整個十四年的歲月裡, 他的父母也雙雙過世。  我之前看過這兩本作者的書, 這是我看過他發表最多個人生活和感想的書。  這本書有時候甚至偏鋒轉至他個人的感想和他的父母身上,久久不能離去。  他的友朋和鄰居更是在書裡搶了很多版面, 因為那在他來說也是他的家人。  這些並不阻礙他對這隻豬的感情的流露。  


這隻豬並不會甚麼特技,跳鋼圈走鋼索甚麼的。  但是,作者在描述的是一頭個性溫順,有點聰明懂事,有時善解人意,有時自有主張。  這隻豬活了十四年, 期間他幾乎可說是這個鎮餵飽了他一樣。  一方面作者和鎮上很多很多人是好朋友,另一方面,這隻豬太聰明,會偷偷到鎮上走走,他又不會傷人,很友善。  於是乎,整個鎮上的人都知道他, 大家也都把廚餘,甚至自己的食物留下來,集中起來,英文叫做 Slop, 存好後交給作者去餵豬。  這隻豬後來長到 750 英鎊。  作者自己也因為這隻豬和許多意想不到的人做了好朋友,他一輩子都沒有孩子, 但是因為小孩子喜歡這隻豬,而因此結識了許多小朋友。  他所描述的更多的是這隻豬的個性。  


我看到最後他的豬過世時,我是非常難過的。  非常非常難過的。  

Sunday, April 16, 2023

A poem I saw today.

 When I Am Among the Trees

by Mary Oliver
When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.
I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.
Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, “Stay awhile.”
The light flows from their branches.
And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,
“and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine.”

Thursday, April 13, 2023

movie afterthough

 watced liamNeeson's memory.  

disappointed, the first half was not bad, but the second half, too long in the tooth.  

And it's sad that memory was supposed to be an effective element, I was thrilled by anticipating how they are going to use memory.  Then they did not, completely forsake the idea.  Too many characters, too many angles, fail.  

string bean garlic

 my mom liked this way.  not greasy.  

drizzle of oil, very moderate.  

garlic finely chopped, the finer the better.  

low heat with oil in pan, until fragrant.  

toss in the string beans, don't over crowd the pan

medium heat, watch the garlic, when it sticks to the pan, add little water and stir

 until water evaporated, add water, or cooking wine, and stir, until string bean is done

during the previous steps, add salt and pepper or other flavor

the doneness is depended on people's preference.  



ate with the lamb rack, very good.

  

lamb rack roasting

 inside temperature:  145F.  

pan searing is so that extra fat can be squeezed.  but this time, I just broil in high after roasting until the inside temperature reaches 145F.  I broiled for 3 min, a bit too much.  

marinate sauce: garlic, rosemary, parsley, red pepper flakes, cumin, salt and pepper, combined with oil

no need to marinate over night, I just pat the rack dry, cut in diamond shape, and marinate while waiting for the oven to preheat.  

oven temp, 375F.  30 min. test the temperature for 145F  

after roasting, gotta wait a little, about 10 to 15 min., before serving


ate with string bean, very good


Tuesday, April 11, 2023

Book oEels by PatrikSvensson 讀後感

我剛看完 Book of Eels 這本書。  這書在圖書館架子上已經一兩年了。  我總是注意到它,但是總是沒有借閱。  我有點不瞭解, 鰻魚有啥好知道的。  當然另一方面, 除了日本鰻魚飯和中國傳統市場,我對鰻魚一點也不熟悉。  直到我看到幾部老肉介紹鰻魚的 youtube 影片。  我才知道鰻魚快絕種了!  因此終於我借了這本書。  


我看完一本書後喜歡上網讀讀別人的讀後感或者評論。  我在 goodreads 網站上看到的第一個評論讓我哈哈大笑。  這位讀者寫了一篇很長很長的評論。  基本上是說這書不怎麼樣,而且應該改書名,改成 【和爸爸釣鰻魚】。  我有點同意他說的這一點。  這位讀者是一位素食者, 他對釣魚這一活動很反感, 所以當書裡提到鰻魚業者說只有繼續保持歐洲傳統鰻魚業的存在, 人類才會持續對鰻魚這物種感興趣,這句話使這讀者感覺作嘔。  他用他自己做例子, 當他看到題目的時候就很感興趣, 因為他本身對鰻魚也是一點都不了解。  而這, 不過是證明鰻魚業者的話站不住腳。  我記得當我讀到那句話時,我也有點怪怪的。  我覺得那鰻魚業者提到的就是經濟價值, 使人真正去和他周遭的環境交流,是一句實在話。  但是也很可悲, 因為當我們為了其他目的(ulterior motive)來做一件事, 而不是為了事情本身, 總是令我難過。  譬如說, 我們養豬是為了吃, 而不是因為喜歡豬,這個生物,這個個體。  

我也同意另一人說這和 H is for Hawk 有相似的地方。   就像 H is for Hawk 是藉著馴蒼鷹的過程使自己從父喪的哀痛中走出來, 這本書的作者是藉著鰻魚來闡述他對父親過世後的懷念。  他從小和父親在一條家旁的小河釣鰻魚,從這裡開始,作者夾敘夾議,介紹了鰻魚從雅里士多德到現代的研究過程。  我每每驚嘆於歐美作者在敘述科學的書本裡,那種娓娓道來,可以把一長河的歷史,從涓滴細流到滾滾大江式的描繪出來。  雖說他們文章裡也總有一個很巨大的斷層, 就是 中世紀(medieval period), 有點像現在大陸學者的論述裡也總會有一個斷崖式的論述,尤其是文革。 

我有幾段文字我印象特別深刻。  Aristotle, Johannes Schmidt, Rachel Carson, 他和他爸爸憶起釣魚的經過也有不少。  這書其實滿薄的,但是作者寫出的句子和其堆砌出來的文章都簡潔清楚,充滿感情。  尤其是結尾,雖說我在大致上三分之二時,就一直在腦袋裡浮現了 Big Fish 的結局。  但是這並不減少結尾所留下的熨帖。 


我很喜歡他寫 Rachel Carson 的那一段,因為我不只一次的嘗試看 Under the sea wind, 都不成功。   可是現在經他描述後, 我要再來試試看。  

我看老肉或科普的影片或文章, 感覺很可憐的事情就是幾乎所有的資料來源都是西洋的或著是東洋的。  中國人呢?  我的印象裡總是有經濟因素才會有實驗研究。  就像老肉說, 很多日本研究也都是為了經濟。  當我想到, Johannes Schmidt 花了十八年的時間, 用了很多私人的捐贈來做這些鰻魚的調查研究, 期間還因為一次世界大戰而停了四五年, 這種事情是為了甚麼?  再想到 Johannes Schmidt 在找到 Sargasso sea 後兩年就過世了。 他的經濟效益是啥?   他的目的是啥?  書裡問到這問題, 也許他有經濟目的, 因為為什麼會有人捐助這個計畫, 但書中沒有提到。  


書中提到鰻魚快絕種的原因除了竭澤而漁外, 還有疾病的問題。  書裡說歐洲鰻魚目前面對的疾病都是從日本來的。  這也讓我想到全球貿易所造成的禍害吧。  


我的腦袋裡也一直浮現金賽博士。  我對金賽博士的印象全來自 尼爾孫的電影。  會和這本書聯想起來是因為,我一直在想,誰會想了解鰻魚呢?  金賽博士研究一種昆蟲寫了一本厚厚的書, 卻發現完全是浪費時間。  最後他去研究人類的性。  不過我還是要說, 這本書幫助我對鰻魚發生一點興趣。  我還滿高興的, 因為能對這世界多一點認識都是好的。  



Wednesday, March 29, 2023

Today's quote

 世界沒有悲劇和喜劇之分。如果你能從悲劇中走出來,那就是喜劇;如果你沈湎於喜劇之中,那它就是悲劇。

——科馬克·麥卡錫《路》

Saturday, March 25, 2023

jonathanWick4 quick afterthought

 the movie was better than I think.  but there are places I felt dragging.  this is basically gun fu style action.  Just guns guns guns.  I felt donnieyen did not show up often enough.   but when he showed up, he showed up in style.  I really liked when he used wingchung  in the kitchen, but it's less than a second.  


This movie keep reminding me of many different movies, like hobo with a gun(excessive gun play); matrix (neo and mopheus reunited...); equilibrium(gun fu); and many others.  When I saw the train station scene, I almost fell off my chairs, it's pretty much matrix w/ locksmith...  lol!  


I feel the tracker is odd, and out of place.  But I guess audience likes dogs, so they find a way to bring in an animal.  I do love JohnWick saved the dog scene though.   the Arc de triomphe de l'Étoile scnene to me was excessive, but I guess it's a build up scene.  It just bored me to no end.  And car crashing into johnwick was hard to watch...  I know it's an inside joke, but, the drag...  


This series except the first one is really one of those movie styles over contents.  People seemed to focus on the action of the movie.  But I rather say that the styles or atmosphere they created for the certain scene was awesome.  From first movie, the shower scene; second movie, the bathtubsuicide scene; this movie, the card scene.  High flair of styles, very impressive.  The card scene sequence was particularly sweet.  


The physical stunt, or the fight scene wore thin for me eventually.  I know they incorporated a lot of martial arts, almost like a world fair of it.  But to me the impact was thinned out.   But maybe it's because I got tired of watch all 4 movies in a very short period.  It's a common thing though, I think it's happened to Taken series too, or equilizer series as well.  


I think the movie's success lies in creating a world of its own.   For some reason, I think this world would fit well with a vampire theme...  lol  Style...  like the underworld.  It used a lot of religious symbols.  a lot, almost everywhere.  And very European medieval.  


I felt the osaka scene sucks, because they want to bring some Japanese flavor, but very superficial.  again, nowadays, whenever a modern non-european cultures shows up on the big screen,  they all felt like an european dress up party.  


The movie was not bad in its own right.  The imax we sat in was awesome, the chairs shakes.  But it was hilarious that before the movie starts, the announcer said the popcorn stand will be closed in 10 min after the movie starts, but the bathroom is open for use in he duration of the movie.  He also told us to use a designated exit after finishing the movie.  Then we found out, that exit directed us right to the parking lot.  It's kind hilarious, my friends kept saying it felt like an old old days.  I guess it's still a grand thing to go to movie theatres inMainlandChina...   

Thursday, March 23, 2023

Movie afterthought

 TheBanshees ofInisherin


I watched this movie about a month ago.  I'd want to write some thoughts about the movie.  

For it left quite an impression on me.  But I can't tell what is the after taste left in my mouth.  

I really like the movie that much I know.  It's quite engrossing all the way through.  I never thought 

it was too long.  If anything, it makes me nervous.  I never know what to expect next.  The characters

in the movie are all  very distinct and memorable.  


It has a fairy tale quality.  Talking about the strange situation in a small village, where people can not

get out.  I feel the protagonist grows at the end of the movie.  But it has such a cost.  It almost has a 

zen air to it.  


le sigh, my thoughts failed me here.  

Monday, March 20, 2023

電影觀後感

我剛剛驚覺我最近看了不少電影。  昨天看了一部日本電影, 切腹。  才看了開頭,就覺得熟悉,繼而發現,這已是我看過的了。  實在是一部很棒的影片。  再看一次, 更好。  我看了一些影評,介紹, 和心得。  他們都提到這部片子有點像羅生門,因為都屬於倒述型的影片,各人對同一件事上,說出自己的經歷和看法。  我之前看的是英文翻譯, 這次看的附上了中文翻譯。  我得提一提這個中文翻譯。  實在滿不錯的, 很文言的翻譯。  一定是故意的,可能更符合原來的日本語, 我有點感動。  如此用心的翻譯, 真是太好了。  可以看得出, 翻譯的人不僅僅是在文句上用心, 而且也看得出他對日本當時的文化也下了一番功夫。  但我有兩點覺得可以改進的地方,就是斷句和一些翻譯的語句。  斷句,因為有些句子太長,文言看得很辛苦,而且看得速度跟大上。  有點可惜。  另外, 我覺得有些文言文的地方我覺得奇怪。  許多用字有點倒裝得感覺。  我說改進,毋寧說是我自己看得辛苦而希望輕鬆一些而說得。  這裡面我相信一定有許多我不懂的地方。  非常感謝有如此用心得群體在做至一件事!!  

這故事的敘述方式真的是引人入勝,他和羅生門不大一樣。  因為羅生門的觀點有至少有四五個人。  這裡只有兩個。  而其中一個只是個引子,這個引子更大程度上用了圖像給觀眾更大的震撼,而不是腳本裡的台詞。  真正的關鍵在第二次敘述。  導演和據作者對於一整個電影得節奏和進程掌握得穩穩的,該快該慢,是斷是續,實在很了不起。  

另外,我覺得以歷史劇而言,這是一部典範。  因為歷史劇並不只是把過去的價值觀重新敘述,而是要有一個穿越古今的某種價值的呈現。  在這裡有很多令我印象深刻的場面,但在我看來,最重要的場面實在是當下屬回來報信,說那些無來應卯的武士其實都是被打敗剃了頭,羞愧無法見人。  結果主管說,你應該當場就叫他們切腹。  之後還說你們儒生居然連這個都不懂!  這裡的政治意涵是深遠的。  如果你去看湯姆克魯斯的最後的武士,你所看到的就是那傳說中的武士精神。  那似乎是自發的,這裡則是被強迫的。  最後的武士是浪漫的, 切腹這電影是現實的, 這兩部電影似乎不相干, 但是相干地方在於,當你被強迫浪漫的時候, 浪漫變成了恐怖的現實。  

這真是一部好電影。  


-----------------------------------------------


這兩三天也在趕看將。維客。  看了一和二,等著看三。  我不是很喜歡將。維客。  我也不知道為啥。  我的印想裡這系列電影,有點太容易了。  雖說主角每次都是一身傷,我也看得出來動作場面設計得很精心。  有些過場我也滿喜歡的。  像是主角在第一集裡被綁在椅子上時, 仍然強悍的氣勢; 第二集裡, 女頭目的死亡場面; 還有第三集裡的中國商店還有那些狗狗特技,我都很喜歡。  但是, 整部戲裡卻沒辦法有甚麼大的感動。  當然, 從看一遍,還是多了一些觀察, 但即使如此,我覺得這不過是一個 B 級動作片。  動作片而言還是不錯的。  要進入 A 級的話, 還是需要讓我感到震撼。  這系列目前還沒做到這一點, 卻是越來越像是往 FastandFurious 系列走。  我一個朋友約我去看首印所以我才來溫習。  

============================


我最近也看了一部叫做 一個叫奧頭的人。  前不久我才看了原版的瑞典電影。  好來屋版是湯姆漢克斯演的。  兩部都很好看。  我覺得好來屋版的結局比較好,因為我看懂了。  瑞典版的我覺得結局不夠清楚。  但是瑞典版的在人物的鋪陳上飽滿的多, 多滿多的。  就這一點上,我更喜歡瑞典版。  

===========================


Tuesday, February 28, 2023

random

 34 videos I've posted since 10/18/22.  Most of them are 餘音, a few are something else.  

Now it's the end of Feb 2023, it's been 4 months and half.  I thought it was okay.  Okay being that I did not drop the ball after I finished growing up.  My mom loves 餘音, that's one of the reason I am doing it.  My sister does not like it so much, she does not understand how my mom loves it so much.  I find it intriguing.  

The point my sister said is that she does not see a lot of interactions between the father and daughter that could briny out such a deep connection between the two.  And that deep connection is actually the pivot point of the whole story.  She feels that it's very much one sided, almost conjured up all by the daughter.  

I think that is a valid point.  But I also see something that's beyond what was written down.  The fact that the daughter has such a heavy feeling for her dad even years after the death, I feel the first time author probably did not develop the whole situation as fully as she'd hope to.  I think there could be things more fully developed.  Though to me, some of the words the father offered to the daughter also showed a deep connection towards the daughter.   In fact, those are my favorite quotes from this book.  But I feel those quotes need to be thought over slowly after some experience in life to understand it.  

////////////////////////////////////


今年的恩逼ㄟ很有趣。  籃網拆夥了, 詹姆士王受傷了,嚕卡和凱利成了隊友,凱分杜蘭加入太陽,勇士連進不進的去季後賽都不確定了,由磯崎的隊伍在西部排名第一。。。

恩逼ㄟ 越來越像三國。  這個故事不是因為戰事,而是角色的動向。  我現在也才知道以前中國的歷史是怎麼賣的。  因為恩逼ㄟ的媒體主要也是在賣球星,而不是籃球這個運動。  當然,只要恩逼ㄟ大賣, 籃球也會有越多人玩就是了。  


//////////////////////////////////


上個星期六,榕從台灣到美國為了他弟弟楊楊的卅歲生日。  


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Sunday, February 26, 2023

論說謊的人---(法) 蒙田

 Montaigne's Essay "On Liars"  論說謊的人---(法) 蒙田  (翻譯來自 散文欣賞 沉英編, 這本書大多有翻譯者,但偏偏這篇沒有)


Michel Eyquem, Sieur de Montaigne(1533-1592)  米修。蒙田(1533-1592)



There is no man so unsuited for the task of speaking about memory as I am, for I find scarcely a trace of it in myself, and I do not believe there is another man in the world so hideously lacking in it. All my other faculties are poor and ordinary, but in this I think I am most rare and singular and deserve to gain name and fame thereby. 

再沒有人比我更不宜於(適合)誇說(誇耀)自己的記憶的了。  因為我幾乎找不到它的一點痕跡,我不信世界上還有像我的記性這麼壞的。  我的其他稟賦都平平常常,唯獨在這一點上,我認為我是非凡而少有的,值得因此享受一種聲譽。  


Besides the natural inconvenience that I suffer on this account-for assuredly, considering how necessary it is, Plato was right in calling memory a great and powerful goddess-in my country, when they want to say that a man has no sense, they say that he has no memory; and when I complain of the shortcomings of my own, people correct me and refuse to believe me, as if I were accusing myself of being a fool. They can see no difference between memory and intellect. 

記性欠佳除了感受天然的不便利之外,有時還要忍受冤枉。  在我的家鄉,要說一個人無意識(不合理)時,總愛說他沒有記性; 每逢我對人訴說我這弱點,他們便要嘲笑我,無論如何也不肯相信,彷彿我在控告自己是瘋子似的,因為在他們心目中,記憶和智慧絕對是一件事。  


This makes me look much worse off. But they wrong me, for experience shows that, on the contrary, excellent memories are often coupled with feeble judgments. They also wrong me in this, that the same words which indicate my infirmity, signify ingratitude as well-and I am nothing if I am not a good friend. They blame my affections instead of my memory and turn an involuntary defect into a wilful one. "He has forgotten this request or that promise," they say. "He doesn't remember his friends. He did not remember to do this, to say that, or to keep quiet about the other, for my sake." Certainly I am prone enough to forgetfulness, but as for neglecting, out of indifference, a service which a friend has asked of me, that I do not do. Let them be content with my misfortune and not turn it into a kind of ill will, a kind quite foreign to my character. 

這使我吃虧不少,可是他們實在是不對的,因為經驗證明,極好的記憶力往往配上極壞的判斷力。  還有, 我雖然做甚麼都不行,卻極夠朋友,他們苛責我這弱點,未免有點不夠交情。  他竟因我的記性而懷疑到我的感情,把天然的遺憾視為良心的欠缺。  他們常說:「他把別人的委託和自己的許諾都忘了,他完全不想到朋友,他完全不顧到我,不想想應該說什麼,或是隱瞞什麼。」  我很健忘,這是毫無疑義的。  但因不關心而忽略朋友之託,卻不是我的本性。  願大家體諒我的不幸,別誤認為惡意,尤其是這一種與我的天性絕對相反的惡意。  


But I find some consolation, first because I have derived from this evil my principal argument against a worse evil, which might have taken root in me: the evil of ambition. For lack of memory is an intolerable defect in anyone who takes on the burden of the world's affairs. 

我倒也有我的慰藉。  第一, 這一個毛病矯正了另一個易犯而更壞的毛病,就是野心; 因為對於一個想包攬世事(世界大事)的人,缺乏記憶是最難堪的弱點。  


Then, as several similar examples of nature's workings show, she has generously strengthened other faculties in me in proportion as this one has grown weaker. I might easily have let my intelligence and judgment follow languidly in other men's footsteps, as all the world does, without exerting their own power, if other people's ideas and opinions had ever been present with me by favor of my memory. 

自然界進化的現象中,有許多例子告訴我們: 大自然往往加強我們別的天賦以補救某種稟賦的不足。  如果不是這樣,我的理智與判斷力將不能盡量發揮它們的才能,很容易像大多數人那樣,心理時時刻刻記著別人的創見和意旨,被引導著懶懶散散地去追別人的足跡。  


Again, my speech is consequently briefer, for the storehouse of the memory is generally better stocked with material than that of the invention. If my memory had been good, I should have deafened all my friends with my chatter, since any subject that calls out such powers as I have of argument and development warms and extends my eloquence. This would have been lamentable, as I have learned in the case of some of my intimate friends. In proportion as their memory gives them a complete and firsthand view of their subject, so they push their narrative back into the past and burden it with useless details. If the story is a good one, they smother its virtues; if it is not, you curse their fortunate powers of memory or their unfortunate lack of judgment. Once one is well on the road, it is difficult to close a discourse and break it off. There is no better way of proving a horse's strength than by pulling him up short and sharp. 

因為記憶不好,我的話總是比較簡短。  記憶的貨倉(倉庫)比創見的貨倉(倉庫)容易充塞物品,如果我的記憶對我優待,我將會喋喋不休地震破朋友們的耳鼓,因為無論談起什麼都會引動我發揮這小小才幹,激發我的雄辯。  多麼可哀呵!  我竟親眼見過幾個朋友,就是這個樣子。  因為記憶把題材原原本本地供給他們,使他們把故事往後追溯得那麼遠,去附上了如許(許多)無謂(的)枝節。  假使這故事本來很好, 這樣一來,好處全被窒死(窒息,沒了); 假如本來就不好呢,那你就不知應該詛咒他們幸而還有的記憶力, 還是應該同情他們不幸缺乏的判斷力了。  一走上高談闊論的大路之後,要停止及截短是很難的事。  再沒有什麼比那驟然站住更能顯出馬的力量的。  


Even among men who keep to the point, I find some who would like to break off but cannot. While they are searching for a place at which to stop, they go maundering and trailing on like a man who is losing strength. Particularly dangerous are old men who retain the memory of past events but do not remember how often they have repeated them. I have known some very amusing tales to become most tiresome when told by some gentlemen whose whole audience has been sated with them a hundred times. 

就是在那些說話切題的人當中,我也認識好些雖想而不能在他們的路程中驟然停止。  他們一面在腦子裡搜尋註腳點,一面口中仍喃喃不已,就像一個要昏倒的人還曳著腳步一樣。  老頭子尤其可怕,他們對於過去記憶猶在,卻不記得現在已重述(重復)了多少遍。  我知道有好些很風趣的故事在某(公爵)爵士口中變成了討厭,他的朋友沒有一個不被這故事灌注過一百次。  


I find some consolation, also, in the reflection that I have, in the words of a certain ancient author, a short memory for the injuries I have received. Like Darius, I should need a prompter. Wishing not to forget the insult he had suffered from the Athenians, the Persian king made one of his pages come and repeat three times in his ear, each time he sat down to table: "Sire, remember the Athenians"; and it consoles me too that the places I revisit and the books I reread always smile upon me with the freshness of novelty. 

第二, 我缺乏記憶所給我的安慰是, 正如一位古人所說, 容易忘記別人的侮辱。  我需要當頭棒喝,和達里烏(古代波斯王大流士)一般,為(了)要不忘記他從雅典人那裏所受的恥辱,教一個僕人每當他吃飯的時候,向他耳邊連喊三聲:「主人呵, 別忘了雅典人!」  除此之外,還有一點好處是: 我重見(遊)的地方和重讀的書籍永遠帶著新鮮的姿態向我微笑。  


Not without reason is it said that no one who is not conscious of having a sound memory should set up to be a liar. I know quite well that grammarians make a distinction between telling an untruth and lying. They say that to tell an untruth is to say something that is false, but that we suppose to be true, and that the meaning of the Latin mentiri, from which our French word for lying derives, is to go against one's conscience, and that consequently it applies only to those who say the opposite of what they know; and it is of them I am speaking. 

記憶不強的人切勿(千萬別)學人撒謊,這話實在說的有理。  我知道那些文字學家把 「說假」 和撒謊分開: 「說假」 是說一件假的而自以為是真的; 至于 「撒謊」 (這個來自拉丁語的法國詞彙)這個拉丁字(也就是法文所由來)的定義(,它的定義), 卻是瞞住良心說話,因此只用於那些言與心違的人,也正是我現在所論及的。  


Now liars either invent the whole thing, or they disguise and alter an actual fact. If they disguise and alter, it is hard for them not to get mixed up when they refer to the same story again and again because, the real facts having been the first to lodge in the memory and impress themselves upon it by way of consciousness and knowledge, they will hardly fail to spring into the mind and dislodge the false version, which cannot have as firm or assured a foothold. The circumstances, as they were first learned, will always rush back into the thoughts, driving out the memory of the false or modified details that have been added. 

這種人有時是虛構整個事件(一整個事情),連枝帶葉,有時是改變或修飾那原是(原來有)真實基礎的事物。  那些(被)改變或修飾的(事物), 如果要常常覆述,就很難不露馬腳,因為真實是先進入他們記憶中的, 已(已經)由概念與認識的媒介印在(腦袋裡)上面,自然而然會顯露給我們想像,驅逐著那立足沒有那麼穩固的虛偽(假象), 把添上去的假冒而模糊的枝節(給)消滅。  


If liars make a complete invention, they apparently have much less reason to be afraid of tripping up, in as much as there is no contrary impression to clash with their fiction. But even this, being an empty thing that offers no hold, readily escapes from the memory unless it is a very reliable one. I have often had amusing proof of this, at the expense of those who profess to suit their speech only to the advantage of the business in hand and to please the great men to whom they are speaking. The circumstances to which it is their wish to subordinate their faith and their conscience being subject to various changes, their language has also to change from time to time; and so they call the same thing gray one moment and yellow the next, say one thing to one man, and another to another. Then, if these listeners happen to bring all this contrary information together as a common booty what becomes of all their fine art? Besides, they trip up so often when they are off their guard. For what memory could be strong enough to retain all the different shapes they have invented for the same subject? I have seen many in my time who have desired a reputation for this subtle kind of discretion, not seeing that the reputation and the end in view are incompatible. 

至於那些完全虛構的, 沒有相反的印象搖動它們的虛偽, 似乎沒有那麼容易被人覷破, 但也不盡然, 因為無實質的虛體,如果插根未牢, 就易 (容易) 為(被)記憶(所) 忽略遺漏。  關於這點,我有很多有趣的經驗, 我發覺吃虧的總是那些顧及自己事業利益或觀察大人物的臉色而措詞的人, 因為他們想用以束縛他們的信義及良心的種種情景,時常變動,他們的話也不能不跟著轉移。  於是同一樁事, 他們今天說灰,明天說黃; 對這人說這樣, 對那人說那樣; 


這些人如果偶然把他們所(得到)的矛盾消息像贓物似的合攏在一起(如果那些說謊者的聽眾聚在一起,把他們聽到的謊言像贓物一樣收集在一處), 這巧妙的伎倆, 結果又將如何呢?  並且稍不留神便自打嘴巴; 因為什麼樣的好記性能容得下他們對每件事所捏造的種種呢?  

(即使說謊者沒有被別人揭穿,在他們不經意的時候,仍常常露出馬腳來。  這是因為沒有人的腦袋可以裝的下他們為某一件事物所發明的那麼多的形狀(這麼多的謊話)。  在我這一生當中,有許多人都希望自己有這樣 「聰明」的名聲,卻看不出說這名聲和他們所希望的結果是如此的相違。)


Lying is indeed an accursed vice. We are men, and we have relations with one another only by speech. If we recognized the horror and gravity of an untruth, we should more justifiably punish it with fire than any other crime. 

說謊確實是可詛咒的惡習。  人之所以為人, 以及人與人所以能團結, 全仗語言。  如果我們認識說誑的危害與嚴重, 我們將會不惜用火來追趕它, 這卻(的確)比對任何罪過都應該。  


I commonly find people taking the most ill-advised pains to correct their children for their harmless faults and worrying them about heedless acts which leave no trace and have no consequences. Lying-and in a lesser degree obstinacy-are, in my opinion, the only faults whose birth and progress we should consistently oppose. They grow with a child's growth, and once the tongue has got the knack of lying, it is difficult to imagine how impossible it is to correct it. Whence it happens that we find some otherwise excellent men subject 'to this fault and enslaved by it. I have a decent lad as my tailor, whom I have never heard to utter a single truth, even when it would have been to his advantage. 

(尤其是,)我覺得人們往往白費功夫去無謂地懲罰小孩的無辜小過, 為(了)毫無印象和影響的無意識舉動去折磨他們。  在我看來, 只有撒謊, 其次還有剛愎, 應該極力殲滅它們的萌芽和滋長。  因為它們會隨著小孩而長大。  舌端(頭)一度(旦)向那方面(向)伸展之後, 說也奇怪,任你怎樣也不能把它拉回來的。  所以我們常見在其他方面非常(很)誠實的人,仍不免屈服受制於這個惡習。  我認識一個品行良好的成衣匠(裁縫), 從未聽見他說過半句真話, 即使是於他有利的時候。  


If, like the truth, falsehood had only one face, we should know better where we are, for we should then take the opposite of what a liar said to be the truth. But the opposite of a truth has a hundred thousand shapes and a limitless field. 

倘若像真理一般, 虛妄只有一副面孔, 倒也好辦, 我們可以把慣於說誑的人所說的反面當真實, 但它的背後卻有千萬副面孔和無限制的田地。  


The Pythagoreans regard good as certain and finite, and evil as boundless and uncertain. There are a thousand ways of missing the bull's-eye, only one of hitting it. I am by no means sure that I could induce myself to tell a brazen and deliberate lie even to protect myself from the most obvious and extreme danger. 

培達格里派的哲學家認為善是確定而有界限的, 惡是無限制無標準的。  千百條路引我們乖離, 只有一條引我們抵達目的。 


An ancient father says that we are better off in the company of a dog we know than in that of a man whose language we do not understand. Therefore those of different nations do not regard one another as men, and how much less friendly is false speech than silence!

一位古代的神父曾說: 我們和一隻相識的狗作伴也比和一個言語不通的人相處好。  (也因為這種想法,古代不同的國族之間往往不肯承認對方也是人。)「所以一個生人對於(另)一個生人, 不能算人。」  何況虛偽的語言比緘默更難交易呢?  




下面這一句是英文翻譯的來源裡,網站附加的。  那看來是一個教書的網站。  我覺得這句話和這篇文章有無比貼砌的地方。  這是馬克吐溫說的。  意思是如果你都說實話, 你就不需要記得任何東西。  

Another quote: 

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.


Mark Twain (1835-1910, American humorist, writer)

Friday, January 27, 2023

a poem

 《雨ニモマケズ》(不怕風雨) - 宮澤賢治


雨ニモマケズ不要輸給雨
風ニモマケズ不要輸給風
雪ニモ夏ノ暑サニモマケヌ也不要輸給冰雪和夏天的炙熱
丈夫ナカラダヲモチ保持健康的身體
  
慾ハナク沒有貪念
決シテ瞋ラズ絕對不要生氣
イツモシヅカニワラッテヰル總是沉靜的微笑
一日ニ玄米四合ト一日吃四合的糙米
味噌ト少シノ野菜ヲタベ一點味噌和青菜
  
アラユルコトヲ不管遇到甚麼事
ジブンヲカンジョウニ入レズニ先別加入己見
ヨクミキキシワカリ好好的看、聽、了解
ソシテワスレズ而後謹記在心不要忘記
  
野原ノ松ノ林ノ蔭ノ在原野松林的樹蔭中
小サナ萱ブキノ小屋ニヰテ有我棲身的小小的茅草屋
  
東ニ病気ノコドモアレバ東邊若有生病的孩童
行ッテ看病シテヤリ去照顧他的病
  
西ニツカレタ母アレバ西方若有疲倦的母親
行ッテソノ稲ノ束ヲ負ヒ去幫他扛起稻桿
  
南ニ死ニソウナ人アレバ南邊如果有快去世的人
行ッテコハガラナクテモイゝトイヒ去告訴他:不要害怕
  
北ニケンクワヤソショウガアレバ北方如果有吵架的人們
ツマラナイカラヤメロトイヒ去跟他們說:別做這麼無聊的事情了!
  
ヒドリノトキハナミダヲナガシ旱災的時候擔心的流下眼淚
サムサノナツハオロオロアルキ夏季卻寒流來襲,不安的來回踱步
ミンナニデクノボートヨバレ大家說我像個傻子
ホメラレモセズ不需要別人稱讚
クニモサレズ也無須他人為我擔憂
  
サウイフモノニ這就是
ワタシハナリタイ我想成為的人。

(來源: https://www.imagejoy.com/article.php?id=221)

有點驚訝自己竟然無有把這首詩鈔錄下來。