Book oEels by PatrikSvensson 讀後感

我剛看完 Book of Eels 這本書。  這書在圖書館架子上已經一兩年了。  我總是注意到它，但是總是沒有借閱。  我有點不瞭解， 鰻魚有啥好知道的。  當然另一方面， 除了日本鰻魚飯和中國傳統市場，我對鰻魚一點也不熟悉。  直到我看到幾部老肉介紹鰻魚的 youtube 影片。  我才知道鰻魚快絕種了！  因此終於我借了這本書。  

我看完一本書後喜歡上網讀讀別人的讀後感或者評論。  我在 goodreads 網站上看到的第一個評論讓我哈哈大笑。  這位讀者寫了一篇很長很長的評論。  基本上是說這書不怎麼樣，而且應該改書名，改成 【和爸爸釣鰻魚】。  我有點同意他說的這一點。  這位讀者是一位素食者， 他對釣魚這一活動很反感， 所以當書裡提到鰻魚業者說只有繼續保持歐洲傳統鰻魚業的存在， 人類才會持續對鰻魚這物種感興趣，這句話使這讀者感覺作嘔。  他用他自己做例子， 當他看到題目的時候就很感興趣， 因為他本身對鰻魚也是一點都不了解。  而這， 不過是證明鰻魚業者的話站不住腳。  我記得當我讀到那句話時，我也有點怪怪的。  我覺得那鰻魚業者提到的就是經濟價值， 使人真正去和他周遭的環境交流，是一句實在話。  但是也很可悲， 因為當我們為了其他目的(ulterior motive)來做一件事， 而不是為了事情本身， 總是令我難過。  譬如說， 我們養豬是為了吃， 而不是因為喜歡豬，這個生物，這個個體。  

我也同意另一人說這和 H is for Hawk 有相似的地方。   就像 H is for Hawk 是藉著馴蒼鷹的過程使自己從父喪的哀痛中走出來, 這本書的作者是藉著鰻魚來闡述他對父親過世後的懷念。  他從小和父親在一條家旁的小河釣鰻魚，從這裡開始，作者夾敘夾議，介紹了鰻魚從雅里士多德到現代的研究過程。  我每每驚嘆於歐美作者在敘述科學的書本裡，那種娓娓道來，可以把一長河的歷史，從涓滴細流到滾滾大江式的描繪出來。  雖說他們文章裡也總有一個很巨大的斷層， 就是 中世紀(medieval period)， 有點像現在大陸學者的論述裡也總會有一個斷崖式的論述，尤其是文革。 

我有幾段文字我印象特別深刻。  Aristotle， Johannes Schmidt， Rachel Carson， 他和他爸爸憶起釣魚的經過也有不少。  這書其實滿薄的，但是作者寫出的句子和其堆砌出來的文章都簡潔清楚，充滿感情。  尤其是結尾，雖說我在大致上三分之二時，就一直在腦袋裡浮現了 Big Fish 的結局。  但是這並不減少結尾所留下的熨帖。 

我很喜歡他寫 Rachel Carson 的那一段，因為我不只一次的嘗試看 Under the sea wind, 都不成功。   可是現在經他描述後， 我要再來試試看。  

我看老肉或科普的影片或文章， 感覺很可憐的事情就是幾乎所有的資料來源都是西洋的或著是東洋的。  中國人呢？  我的印象裡總是有經濟因素才會有實驗研究。  就像老肉說， 很多日本研究也都是為了經濟。  當我想到， Johannes Schmidt 花了十八年的時間， 用了很多私人的捐贈來做這些鰻魚的調查研究， 期間還因為一次世界大戰而停了四五年， 這種事情是為了甚麼？  再想到 Johannes Schmidt 在找到 Sargasso sea 後兩年就過世了。 他的經濟效益是啥？   他的目的是啥？  書裡問到這問題， 也許他有經濟目的， 因為為什麼會有人捐助這個計畫， 但書中沒有提到。  

書中提到鰻魚快絕種的原因除了竭澤而漁外， 還有疾病的問題。  書裡說歐洲鰻魚目前面對的疾病都是從日本來的。  這也讓我想到全球貿易所造成的禍害吧。  

我的腦袋裡也一直浮現金賽博士。  我對金賽博士的印象全來自 尼爾孫的電影。  會和這本書聯想起來是因為，我一直在想，誰會想了解鰻魚呢？  金賽博士研究一種昆蟲寫了一本厚厚的書， 卻發現完全是浪費時間。  最後他去研究人類的性。  不過我還是要說， 這本書幫助我對鰻魚發生一點興趣。  我還滿高興的， 因為能對這世界多一點認識都是好的。  

Today's quote

 世界沒有悲劇和喜劇之分。如果你能從悲劇中走出來，那就是喜劇；如果你沈湎於喜劇之中，那它就是悲劇。

——科馬克·麥卡錫《路》

jonathanWick4 quick afterthought

 the movie was better than I think.  but there are places I felt dragging.  this is basically gun fu style action.  Just guns guns guns.  I felt donnieyen did not show up often enough.   but when he showed up, he showed up in style.  I really liked when he used wingchung  in the kitchen, but it's less than a second.  

This movie keep reminding me of many different movies, like hobo with a gun(excessive gun play); matrix (neo and mopheus reunited...); equilibrium(gun fu); and many others.  When I saw the train station scene, I almost fell off my chairs, it's pretty much matrix w/ locksmith...  lol!  

I feel the tracker is odd, and out of place.  But I guess audience likes dogs, so they find a way to bring in an animal.  I do love JohnWick saved the dog scene though.   the Arc de triomphe de l'Étoile scnene to me was excessive, but I guess it's a build up scene.  It just bored me to no end.  And car crashing into johnwick was hard to watch...  I know it's an inside joke, but, the drag...  

This series except the first one is really one of those movie styles over contents.  People seemed to focus on the action of the movie.  But I rather say that the styles or atmosphere they created for the certain scene was awesome.  From first movie, the shower scene; second movie, the bathtubsuicide scene; this movie, the card scene.  High flair of styles, very impressive.  The card scene sequence was particularly sweet.  

The physical stunt, or the fight scene wore thin for me eventually.  I know they incorporated a lot of martial arts, almost like a world fair of it.  But to me the impact was thinned out.   But maybe it's because I got tired of watch all 4 movies in a very short period.  It's a common thing though, I think it's happened to Taken series too, or equilizer series as well.  

I think the movie's success lies in creating a world of its own.   For some reason, I think this world would fit well with a vampire theme...  lol  Style...  like the underworld.  It used a lot of religious symbols.  a lot, almost everywhere.  And very European medieval.  

I felt the osaka scene sucks, because they want to bring some Japanese flavor, but very superficial.  again, nowadays, whenever a modern non-european cultures shows up on the big screen,  they all felt like an european dress up party.  

The movie was not bad in its own right.  The imax we sat in was awesome, the chairs shakes.  But it was hilarious that before the movie starts, the announcer said the popcorn stand will be closed in 10 min after the movie starts, but the bathroom is open for use in he duration of the movie.  He also told us to use a designated exit after finishing the movie.  Then we found out, that exit directed us right to the parking lot.  It's kind hilarious, my friends kept saying it felt like an old old days.  I guess it's still a grand thing to go to movie theatres inMainlandChina...   

Movie afterthought

 TheBanshees ofInisherin

I watched this movie about a month ago.  I'd want to write some thoughts about the movie.  

For it left quite an impression on me.  But I can't tell what is the after taste left in my mouth.  

I really like the movie that much I know.  It's quite engrossing all the way through.  I never thought 

it was too long.  If anything, it makes me nervous.  I never know what to expect next.  The characters

in the movie are all  very distinct and memorable.  

It has a fairy tale quality.  Talking about the strange situation in a small village, where people can not

get out.  I feel the protagonist grows at the end of the movie.  But it has such a cost.  It almost has a 

zen air to it.  

le sigh, my thoughts failed me here.  

電影觀後感

我剛剛驚覺我最近看了不少電影。  昨天看了一部日本電影， 切腹。  才看了開頭，就覺得熟悉，繼而發現，這已是我看過的了。  實在是一部很棒的影片。  再看一次， 更好。  我看了一些影評，介紹， 和心得。  他們都提到這部片子有點像羅生門，因為都屬於倒述型的影片，各人對同一件事上，說出自己的經歷和看法。  我之前看的是英文翻譯， 這次看的附上了中文翻譯。  我得提一提這個中文翻譯。  實在滿不錯的， 很文言的翻譯。  一定是故意的，可能更符合原來的日本語， 我有點感動。  如此用心的翻譯， 真是太好了。  可以看得出， 翻譯的人不僅僅是在文句上用心， 而且也看得出他對日本當時的文化也下了一番功夫。  但我有兩點覺得可以改進的地方，就是斷句和一些翻譯的語句。  斷句，因為有些句子太長，文言看得很辛苦，而且看得速度跟大上。  有點可惜。  另外， 我覺得有些文言文的地方我覺得奇怪。  許多用字有點倒裝得感覺。  我說改進，毋寧說是我自己看得辛苦而希望輕鬆一些而說得。  這裡面我相信一定有許多我不懂的地方。  非常感謝有如此用心得群體在做至一件事！！  

這故事的敘述方式真的是引人入勝，他和羅生門不大一樣。  因為羅生門的觀點有至少有四五個人。  這裡只有兩個。  而其中一個只是個引子，這個引子更大程度上用了圖像給觀眾更大的震撼，而不是腳本裡的台詞。  真正的關鍵在第二次敘述。  導演和據作者對於一整個電影得節奏和進程掌握得穩穩的，該快該慢，是斷是續，實在很了不起。  

另外，我覺得以歷史劇而言，這是一部典範。  因為歷史劇並不只是把過去的價值觀重新敘述，而是要有一個穿越古今的某種價值的呈現。  在這裡有很多令我印象深刻的場面，但在我看來，最重要的場面實在是當下屬回來報信，說那些無來應卯的武士其實都是被打敗剃了頭，羞愧無法見人。  結果主管說，你應該當場就叫他們切腹。  之後還說你們儒生居然連這個都不懂！  這裡的政治意涵是深遠的。  如果你去看湯姆克魯斯的最後的武士，你所看到的就是那傳說中的武士精神。  那似乎是自發的，這裡則是被強迫的。  最後的武士是浪漫的， 切腹這電影是現實的， 這兩部電影似乎不相干， 但是相干地方在於，當你被強迫浪漫的時候， 浪漫變成了恐怖的現實。  

這真是一部好電影。  

-----------------------------------------------

這兩三天也在趕看將。維客。  看了一和二，等著看三。  我不是很喜歡將。維客。  我也不知道為啥。  我的印想裡這系列電影，有點太容易了。  雖說主角每次都是一身傷，我也看得出來動作場面設計得很精心。  有些過場我也滿喜歡的。  像是主角在第一集裡被綁在椅子上時， 仍然強悍的氣勢; 第二集裡， 女頭目的死亡場面； 還有第三集裡的中國商店還有那些狗狗特技，我都很喜歡。  但是， 整部戲裡卻沒辦法有甚麼大的感動。  當然， 從看一遍，還是多了一些觀察， 但即使如此，我覺得這不過是一個 B 級動作片。  動作片而言還是不錯的。  要進入 A 級的話， 還是需要讓我感到震撼。  這系列目前還沒做到這一點， 卻是越來越像是往 FastandFurious 系列走。  我一個朋友約我去看首印所以我才來溫習。  

============================

我最近也看了一部叫做 一個叫奧頭的人。  前不久我才看了原版的瑞典電影。  好來屋版是湯姆漢克斯演的。  兩部都很好看。  我覺得好來屋版的結局比較好，因為我看懂了。  瑞典版的我覺得結局不夠清楚。  但是瑞典版的在人物的鋪陳上飽滿的多， 多滿多的。  就這一點上，我更喜歡瑞典版。  

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random

 34 videos I've posted since 10/18/22.  Most of them are 餘音， a few are something else.  

Now it's the end of Feb 2023, it's been 4 months and half.  I thought it was okay.  Okay being that I did not drop the ball after I finished growing up.  My mom loves 餘音, that's one of the reason I am doing it.  My sister does not like it so much, she does not understand how my mom loves it so much.  I find it intriguing.  

The point my sister said is that she does not see a lot of interactions between the father and daughter that could briny out such a deep connection between the two.  And that deep connection is actually the pivot point of the whole story.  She feels that it's very much one sided, almost conjured up all by the daughter.  

I think that is a valid point.  But I also see something that's beyond what was written down.  The fact that the daughter has such a heavy feeling for her dad even years after the death, I feel the first time author probably did not develop the whole situation as fully as she'd hope to.  I think there could be things more fully developed.  Though to me, some of the words the father offered to the daughter also showed a deep connection towards the daughter.   In fact, those are my favorite quotes from this book.  But I feel those quotes need to be thought over slowly after some experience in life to understand it.  

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今年的恩逼ㄟ很有趣。  籃網拆夥了， 詹姆士王受傷了，嚕卡和凱利成了隊友，凱分杜蘭加入太陽，勇士連進不進的去季後賽都不確定了，由磯崎的隊伍在西部排名第一。。。

恩逼ㄟ 越來越像三國。  這個故事不是因為戰事，而是角色的動向。  我現在也才知道以前中國的歷史是怎麼賣的。  因為恩逼ㄟ的媒體主要也是在賣球星，而不是籃球這個運動。  當然，只要恩逼ㄟ大賣， 籃球也會有越多人玩就是了。  

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上個星期六，榕從台灣到美國為了他弟弟楊楊的卅歲生日。  

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論說謊的人---(法) 蒙田

 Montaigne's Essay "On Liars"  論說謊的人---(法) 蒙田  (翻譯來自 散文欣賞 沉英編， 這本書大多有翻譯者，但偏偏這篇沒有)

Michel Eyquem, Sieur de Montaigne(1533-1592)  米修。蒙田(1533-1592)

There is no man so unsuited for the task of speaking about memory as I am, for I find scarcely a trace of it in myself, and I do not believe there is another man in the world so hideously lacking in it. All my other faculties are poor and ordinary, but in this I think I am most rare and singular and deserve to gain name and fame thereby. 

再沒有人比我更不宜於(適合)誇說(誇耀)自己的記憶的了。  因為我幾乎找不到它的一點痕跡，我不信世界上還有像我的記性這麼壞的。  我的其他稟賦都平平常常，唯獨在這一點上，我認為我是非凡而少有的，值得因此享受一種聲譽。  

Besides the natural inconvenience that I suffer on this account-for assuredly, considering how necessary it is, Plato was right in calling memory a great and powerful goddess-in my country, when they want to say that a man has no sense, they say that he has no memory; and when I complain of the shortcomings of my own, people correct me and refuse to believe me, as if I were accusing myself of being a fool. They can see no difference between memory and intellect. 

記性欠佳除了感受天然的不便利之外，有時還要忍受冤枉。  在我的家鄉，要說一個人無意識(不合理)時，總愛說他沒有記性； 每逢我對人訴說我這弱點，他們便要嘲笑我，無論如何也不肯相信，彷彿我在控告自己是瘋子似的，因為在他們心目中，記憶和智慧絕對是一件事。  

This makes me look much worse off. But they wrong me, for experience shows that, on the contrary, excellent memories are often coupled with feeble judgments. They also wrong me in this, that the same words which indicate my infirmity, signify ingratitude as well-and I am nothing if I am not a good friend. They blame my affections instead of my memory and turn an involuntary defect into a wilful one. "He has forgotten this request or that promise," they say. "He doesn't remember his friends. He did not remember to do this, to say that, or to keep quiet about the other, for my sake." Certainly I am prone enough to forgetfulness, but as for neglecting, out of indifference, a service which a friend has asked of me, that I do not do. Let them be content with my misfortune and not turn it into a kind of ill will, a kind quite foreign to my character. 

這使我吃虧不少，可是他們實在是不對的，因為經驗證明，極好的記憶力往往配上極壞的判斷力。  還有， 我雖然做甚麼都不行，卻極夠朋友，他們苛責我這弱點，未免有點不夠交情。  他竟因我的記性而懷疑到我的感情，把天然的遺憾視為良心的欠缺。  他們常說：「他把別人的委託和自己的許諾都忘了，他完全不想到朋友，他完全不顧到我，不想想應該說什麼，或是隱瞞什麼。」  我很健忘，這是毫無疑義的。  但因不關心而忽略朋友之託，卻不是我的本性。  願大家體諒我的不幸，別誤認為惡意，尤其是這一種與我的天性絕對相反的惡意。  

But I find some consolation, first because I have derived from this evil my principal argument against a worse evil, which might have taken root in me: the evil of ambition. For lack of memory is an intolerable defect in anyone who takes on the burden of the world's affairs. 

我倒也有我的慰藉。  第一， 這一個毛病矯正了另一個易犯而更壞的毛病，就是野心； 因為對於一個想包攬世事(世界大事)的人，缺乏記憶是最難堪的弱點。  

Then, as several similar examples of nature's workings show, she has generously strengthened other faculties in me in proportion as this one has grown weaker. I might easily have let my intelligence and judgment follow languidly in other men's footsteps, as all the world does, without exerting their own power, if other people's ideas and opinions had ever been present with me by favor of my memory. 

自然界進化的現象中，有許多例子告訴我們： 大自然往往加強我們別的天賦以補救某種稟賦的不足。  如果不是這樣，我的理智與判斷力將不能盡量發揮它們的才能，很容易像大多數人那樣，心理時時刻刻記著別人的創見和意旨，被引導著懶懶散散地去追別人的足跡。  

Again, my speech is consequently briefer, for the storehouse of the memory is generally better stocked with material than that of the invention. If my memory had been good, I should have deafened all my friends with my chatter, since any subject that calls out such powers as I have of argument and development warms and extends my eloquence. This would have been lamentable, as I have learned in the case of some of my intimate friends. In proportion as their memory gives them a complete and firsthand view of their subject, so they push their narrative back into the past and burden it with useless details. If the story is a good one, they smother its virtues; if it is not, you curse their fortunate powers of memory or their unfortunate lack of judgment. Once one is well on the road, it is difficult to close a discourse and break it off. There is no better way of proving a horse's strength than by pulling him up short and sharp. 

因為記憶不好，我的話總是比較簡短。  記憶的貨倉(倉庫)比創見的貨倉(倉庫)容易充塞物品，如果我的記憶對我優待，我將會喋喋不休地震破朋友們的耳鼓，因為無論談起什麼都會引動我發揮這小小才幹，激發我的雄辯。  多麼可哀呵！  我竟親眼見過幾個朋友，就是這個樣子。  因為記憶把題材原原本本地供給他們，使他們把故事往後追溯得那麼遠，去附上了如許(許多)無謂(的)枝節。  假使這故事本來很好， 這樣一來，好處全被窒死(窒息，沒了)； 假如本來就不好呢，那你就不知應該詛咒他們幸而還有的記憶力， 還是應該同情他們不幸缺乏的判斷力了。  一走上高談闊論的大路之後，要停止及截短是很難的事。  再沒有什麼比那驟然站住更能顯出馬的力量的。  

Even among men who keep to the point, I find some who would like to break off but cannot. While they are searching for a place at which to stop, they go maundering and trailing on like a man who is losing strength. Particularly dangerous are old men who retain the memory of past events but do not remember how often they have repeated them. I have known some very amusing tales to become most tiresome when told by some gentlemen whose whole audience has been sated with them a hundred times. 

就是在那些說話切題的人當中，我也認識好些雖想而不能在他們的路程中驟然停止。  他們一面在腦子裡搜尋註腳點，一面口中仍喃喃不已，就像一個要昏倒的人還曳著腳步一樣。  老頭子尤其可怕，他們對於過去記憶猶在，卻不記得現在已重述(重復)了多少遍。  我知道有好些很風趣的故事在某(公爵)爵士口中變成了討厭，他的朋友沒有一個不被這故事灌注過一百次。  

I find some consolation, also, in the reflection that I have, in the words of a certain ancient author, a short memory for the injuries I have received. Like Darius, I should need a prompter. Wishing not to forget the insult he had suffered from the Athenians, the Persian king made one of his pages come and repeat three times in his ear, each time he sat down to table: "Sire, remember the Athenians"; and it consoles me too that the places I revisit and the books I reread always smile upon me with the freshness of novelty. 

第二， 我缺乏記憶所給我的安慰是， 正如一位古人所說， 容易忘記別人的侮辱。  我需要當頭棒喝，和達里烏(古代波斯王大流士)一般，為(了)要不忘記他從雅典人那裏所受的恥辱，教一個僕人每當他吃飯的時候，向他耳邊連喊三聲：「主人呵， 別忘了雅典人！」  除此之外，還有一點好處是： 我重見(遊)的地方和重讀的書籍永遠帶著新鮮的姿態向我微笑。  

Not without reason is it said that no one who is not conscious of having a sound memory should set up to be a liar. I know quite well that grammarians make a distinction between telling an untruth and lying. They say that to tell an untruth is to say something that is false, but that we suppose to be true, and that the meaning of the Latin mentiri, from which our French word for lying derives, is to go against one's conscience, and that consequently it applies only to those who say the opposite of what they know; and it is of them I am speaking. 

記憶不強的人切勿(千萬別)學人撒謊，這話實在說的有理。  我知道那些文字學家把 「說假」 和撒謊分開： 「說假」 是說一件假的而自以為是真的； 至于 「撒謊」 (這個來自拉丁語的法國詞彙)這個拉丁字(也就是法文所由來)的定義(，它的定義)， 卻是瞞住良心說話，因此只用於那些言與心違的人，也正是我現在所論及的。  

Now liars either invent the whole thing, or they disguise and alter an actual fact. If they disguise and alter, it is hard for them not to get mixed up when they refer to the same story again and again because, the real facts having been the first to lodge in the memory and impress themselves upon it by way of consciousness and knowledge, they will hardly fail to spring into the mind and dislodge the false version, which cannot have as firm or assured a foothold. The circumstances, as they were first learned, will always rush back into the thoughts, driving out the memory of the false or modified details that have been added. 

這種人有時是虛構整個事件(一整個事情)，連枝帶葉，有時是改變或修飾那原是(原來有)真實基礎的事物。  那些(被)改變或修飾的(事物)， 如果要常常覆述，就很難不露馬腳，因為真實是先進入他們記憶中的， 已(已經)由概念與認識的媒介印在(腦袋裡)上面，自然而然會顯露給我們想像，驅逐著那立足沒有那麼穩固的虛偽(假象)， 把添上去的假冒而模糊的枝節(給)消滅。  

If liars make a complete invention, they apparently have much less reason to be afraid of tripping up, in as much as there is no contrary impression to clash with their fiction. But even this, being an empty thing that offers no hold, readily escapes from the memory unless it is a very reliable one. I have often had amusing proof of this, at the expense of those who profess to suit their speech only to the advantage of the business in hand and to please the great men to whom they are speaking. The circumstances to which it is their wish to subordinate their faith and their conscience being subject to various changes, their language has also to change from time to time; and so they call the same thing gray one moment and yellow the next, say one thing to one man, and another to another. Then, if these listeners happen to bring all this contrary information together as a common booty what becomes of all their fine art? Besides, they trip up so often when they are off their guard. For what memory could be strong enough to retain all the different shapes they have invented for the same subject? I have seen many in my time who have desired a reputation for this subtle kind of discretion, not seeing that the reputation and the end in view are incompatible. 

至於那些完全虛構的， 沒有相反的印象搖動它們的虛偽， 似乎沒有那麼容易被人覷破， 但也不盡然， 因為無實質的虛體，如果插根未牢， 就易 (容易) 為(被)記憶(所) 忽略遺漏。  關於這點，我有很多有趣的經驗， 我發覺吃虧的總是那些顧及自己事業利益或觀察大人物的臉色而措詞的人， 因為他們想用以束縛他們的信義及良心的種種情景，時常變動，他們的話也不能不跟著轉移。  於是同一樁事， 他們今天說灰，明天說黃； 對這人說這樣， 對那人說那樣； 

這些人如果偶然把他們所(得到)的矛盾消息像贓物似的合攏在一起(如果那些說謊者的聽眾聚在一起，把他們聽到的謊言像贓物一樣收集在一處)， 這巧妙的伎倆， 結果又將如何呢？  並且稍不留神便自打嘴巴； 因為什麼樣的好記性能容得下他們對每件事所捏造的種種呢？  

(即使說謊者沒有被別人揭穿，在他們不經意的時候，仍常常露出馬腳來。  這是因為沒有人的腦袋可以裝的下他們為某一件事物所發明的那麼多的形狀(這麼多的謊話)。  在我這一生當中，有許多人都希望自己有這樣 「聰明」的名聲，卻看不出說這名聲和他們所希望的結果是如此的相違。)

Lying is indeed an accursed vice. We are men, and we have relations with one another only by speech. If we recognized the horror and gravity of an untruth, we should more justifiably punish it with fire than any other crime. 

說謊確實是可詛咒的惡習。  人之所以為人， 以及人與人所以能團結， 全仗語言。  如果我們認識說誑的危害與嚴重， 我們將會不惜用火來追趕它， 這卻(的確)比對任何罪過都應該。  

I commonly find people taking the most ill-advised pains to correct their children for their harmless faults and worrying them about heedless acts which leave no trace and have no consequences. Lying-and in a lesser degree obstinacy-are, in my opinion, the only faults whose birth and progress we should consistently oppose. They grow with a child's growth, and once the tongue has got the knack of lying, it is difficult to imagine how impossible it is to correct it. Whence it happens that we find some otherwise excellent men subject 'to this fault and enslaved by it. I have a decent lad as my tailor, whom I have never heard to utter a single truth, even when it would have been to his advantage. 

(尤其是，)我覺得人們往往白費功夫去無謂地懲罰小孩的無辜小過， 為(了)毫無印象和影響的無意識舉動去折磨他們。  在我看來， 只有撒謊， 其次還有剛愎， 應該極力殲滅它們的萌芽和滋長。  因為它們會隨著小孩而長大。  舌端(頭)一度(旦)向那方面(向)伸展之後， 說也奇怪，任你怎樣也不能把它拉回來的。  所以我們常見在其他方面非常(很)誠實的人，仍不免屈服受制於這個惡習。  我認識一個品行良好的成衣匠(裁縫)， 從未聽見他說過半句真話， 即使是於他有利的時候。  

If, like the truth, falsehood had only one face, we should know better where we are, for we should then take the opposite of what a liar said to be the truth. But the opposite of a truth has a hundred thousand shapes and a limitless field. 

倘若像真理一般， 虛妄只有一副面孔， 倒也好辦， 我們可以把慣於說誑的人所說的反面當真實， 但它的背後卻有千萬副面孔和無限制的田地。  

The Pythagoreans regard good as certain and finite, and evil as boundless and uncertain. There are a thousand ways of missing the bull's-eye, only one of hitting it. I am by no means sure that I could induce myself to tell a brazen and deliberate lie even to protect myself from the most obvious and extreme danger. 

培達格里派的哲學家認為善是確定而有界限的， 惡是無限制無標準的。  千百條路引我們乖離， 只有一條引我們抵達目的。 

An ancient father says that we are better off in the company of a dog we know than in that of a man whose language we do not understand. Therefore those of different nations do not regard one another as men, and how much less friendly is false speech than silence!

一位古代的神父曾說： 我們和一隻相識的狗作伴也比和一個言語不通的人相處好。  (也因為這種想法，古代不同的國族之間往往不肯承認對方也是人。)「所以一個生人對於(另)一個生人， 不能算人。」  何況虛偽的語言比緘默更難交易呢？  

下面這一句是英文翻譯的來源裡，網站附加的。  那看來是一個教書的網站。  我覺得這句話和這篇文章有無比貼砌的地方。  這是馬克吐溫說的。  意思是如果你都說實話， 你就不需要記得任何東西。  

Another quote: 

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Mark Twain (1835-1910, American humorist, writer)

a poem

 《雨ニモマケズ》(不怕風雨) － 宮澤賢治

雨ニモマケズ	不要輸給雨
風ニモマケズ	不要輸給風
雪ニモ夏ノ暑サニモマケヌ	也不要輸給冰雪和夏天的炙熱
丈夫ナカラダヲモチ	保持健康的身體
慾ハナク	沒有貪念
決シテ瞋ラズ	絕對不要生氣
イツモシヅカニワラッテヰル	總是沉靜的微笑
一日ニ玄米四合ト	一日吃四合的糙米
味噌ト少シノ野菜ヲタベ	一點味噌和青菜
アラユルコトヲ	不管遇到甚麼事
ジブンヲカンジョウニ入レズニ	先別加入己見
ヨクミキキシワカリ	好好的看、聽、了解
ソシテワスレズ	而後謹記在心不要忘記
野原ノ松ノ林ノ蔭ノ	在原野松林的樹蔭中
小サナ萱ブキノ小屋ニヰテ	有我棲身的小小的茅草屋
東ニ病気ノコドモアレバ	東邊若有生病的孩童
行ッテ看病シテヤリ	去照顧他的病
西ニツカレタ母アレバ	西方若有疲倦的母親
行ッテソノ稲ノ束ヲ負ヒ	去幫他扛起稻桿
南ニ死ニソウナ人アレバ	南邊如果有快去世的人
行ッテコハガラナクテモイゝトイヒ	去告訴他：不要害怕
北ニケンクワヤソショウガアレバ	北方如果有吵架的人們
ツマラナイカラヤメロトイヒ	去跟他們說：別做這麼無聊的事情了！
ヒドリノトキハナミダヲナガシ	旱災的時候擔心的流下眼淚
サムサノナツハオロオロアルキ	夏季卻寒流來襲，不安的來回踱步
ミンナニデクノボートヨバレ	大家說我像個傻子
ホメラレモセズ	不需要別人稱讚
クニモサレズ	也無須他人為我擔憂
サウイフモノニ	這就是
ワタシハナリタイ	我想成為的人。

(來源： https://www.imagejoy.com/article.php?id=221)

有點驚訝自己竟然無有把這首詩鈔錄下來。  

fFrom AuntPL's memory 小抄

 幾個月前，和媽媽談起爸爸是個好人。  他說外婆在我們家時，爸爸進門前好幾步遠就大喊著： 「媽媽，媽媽！」  見到外婆後，好像會給外婆一些錢。  媽媽說最近和佩蘭阿姨提起事，佩蘭阿姨也說，在外婆過世後，佩蘭阿姨從美國回來，他在我們家的時候，爸爸也是一進門就喊著： 「妹妹，妹妹！」  見到佩蘭阿姨後，也會從口袋裡掏出一些錢給他用。 很短的小抄，只是想記錄一下。  如果你問我，我記得我爸爸說過哪些話。  我可以很肯定的跟你說，「嘴要甜。」 是我印象很深的一句話。  

另外一句是： 「手掌要向下的，不要向上。」 他的意思是要做個施捨的人，不要做個只會拿東西的。  因為施捨時的手掌是向下的。  而接受的人則相反。  這一點上，我父親在世時，我媽媽也是一樣。   爸爸做醫生的關係，常有人來送禮。  媽媽幾乎是右手收了，左手就給掉了。  即使是現在，媽媽也是一樣。  可是因為和舅舅的關係很不好，有點受到影響。  當然，也因為我真的是很無用。  

我也記得最近媽媽提到， 在爸爸過世後，有一次去買肥皂，他才知道肥皂也滿貴的。  因為我們以前還是會留一些實用的禮物，例如肥皂。  

鬱金香 英國愛狄遜

 From Tatler: By the Right Honourable Joseph Addison, Esq

No. 218. Thursday, August 30, 1710.

Scriptorum Chorus omnis amat nemus et fugit urbes.

Hor.

From my own apartment, August 29.

I CHANCED to rise very early one particular morning this summer, and took a walk into the country to di∣vert myself among the fields and meadows, while the green was new, and the flowers in their bloom. As at this season of the year every lane is a beautiful walk, and every hedge full of nosegays, I lost myself with a great deal of pleasure among several thickets and bushes that were filled with a great variety of birds, and an agreeable confusion of notes, which formed the pleasantest scene in the world to one who had passed a whole winter in noise and smoke. The freshness of the dews that lay up∣on every thing about me, with the cool breath of the morning, which inspired the birds with so many delight∣ful instincts, created in me the same kind of animal plea∣sure, and made my heart overflow with such secret emo∣tions of joy and satisfaction as are not to be described or accounted for. On this occasion, I could not but re∣flect upon a beautiful simile in Milton:

As one who long in populous city pent,

Where houses thick, and sewers, annoy the air,

Forth issuing on a summer's morn, to breathe

Among the pleasant villages, and farms

Adjoin'd, from each thing met conceives delight:

The smell of grain, or tedded grass, or kine,

Or dairy, each rural sight, each rural sound.

Those who are conversant in the writings of polite authors, receive an additional entertainment from the country, as it revives in their memories those charming descriptions with which such authors do frequently a∣bound.

I was thinking of the foregoing beautiful simile in Milton, and applying it to myself, when I observed to the windward of me a black cloud falling to the earth in long trails of rain, which made me betake myself for shelter to a house which I saw at a little distance from the place where I was walking. As I sat in the porch, I heard the voices of two or three persons, who seemed very ear∣nest in discourse. My curiosity was raised when I heard the names of Alexander the Great and Artaxerxes; and as their talk seemed to run on ancient heroes, I concluded there could not be any secret in it; for which reason I thought I might very fairly listen to what they said.

After several parallels between great men, which ap∣peared to me altogether groundless and chimerical, I was surprized to hear one say, that he valued the Black Prince more than the duke of Vendosme. How the duke of Ven∣dosme should become a rival of the Black Prince's, I could not conceive: and was more startled when I heard a second affirm with great vehemence, that if the emperor of Germany was not going off, he should like him better than either of them. He added, That though the season was so changeable, the duke of Marlborough was in blom∣ing beauty. I was wondering to myself from whence they had received this odd intelligence, especially when I heard them mention the names of several other great generals, as the prince of Hesse, and the king of Sweden, who, they said, were both running away. To which they added, what I entirely agreed with them in, that the crown of France was very weak, but that the mareschal Villars still kept his colours. At last one of them told the company, if they would go along with him, he would shew them a chimney-sweeper and a painted lady in the same bed, which he was sure would very much please them. The shower which had driven them, as well as myself, into the house, was now over: and as they were passing by me into the garden, I asked them to let me be one of their company.

The gentleman of the house told me, If I delighted in flowers, it would be worth my while, for that he believ∣ed he could shew me such a blow of tulips as was not to be matched in the whole country.

I accepted the offer, and immediately found that they had been talking in terms of gardening, and that the kings and generals they had mentioned were only so many tulips, to which the gardeners, according to their usual custom, had given such high titles and appellations of honour.

I was very much pleased and astonished at the glorious show of these gay vegetables, that arose in great profusion on all the banks about us. Sometimes I considered them with the eye of an ordinary spectator as so many beauti∣ful objects, varnished over with a natural gloss, and stained with such a variety of colours, as are not to be equalled in any artificial dyes or tinctures. Sometimes I considered every leaf as an elaborate piece of tissue, in which the threads and fibres were woven together into different configurations, which gave a different colouring to the light as it glanced on the several parts of the sur∣face.  Sometimes I considered the whole bed of tulips, according to the notion of the greatest mathematician and philosopher that ever lived, as a multitude of optic instruments, designed for the separating light into all those various colours of which it is composed.

I was awakened out of these my philosophical specu∣lations, by observing the company often seemed to laugh at me. I accidentally praised a tulip as one of the finest that I ever saw; upon which they told me, it was a com∣mon fool's-coat. Upon that I praised a second, which it seems was but another kind of fool's-coat. I had the same fate with two or three more; for which reason I desired the owner of the garden to let me know which were the finest of the flowers, for that I was so unskilful in the art, that I thought the most beautiful were the most valu∣able, and that those which had the gayest colours were the most beautiful. The gentleman smiled at my ignorance: he seemed a very plain honest man, and a person of good sense, had not his head been touched with that distemper which Hippocrates calls the Tulippo-Mania, 〈 in non-Latin alphabet 〉; insomuch that he would talk very rationally on any subject in the world but a tulip.

He told me, that he valued the bed of flowers which lay before us, and was not above twenty yards in length, and two in breadth, more than he would the best hundred acres of land in England; and added, that it would have been worth twice the money it is, if a foolish cook-maid of his had not almost ruined him the last winter, by mistaking an handful of tulip-roots for an heap of onions, and by that means, says he, made me a dish of pottage, that cost me above 1000 l. sterling. He then shewed me what he thought the finest of his tulips, which I found received all their value from their rarity and oddness, and put me in mind of your great fortunes, which are not always the greatest beauties.

I have often looked upon it as a piece of happiness, that I have never fallen into any of these fantastical tastes, nor esteemed any thing the more for its being uncommon and hard to be met with. For this reason, I look upon the whole country in spring-time as a spacious garden, and make as many visits to a spot of daisies, or a bank of violets, as a florist does to his borders and parterres. There is not a bush in blossom within a mile of me which I am not acquainted with, nor scarce a daffadil or cow∣slip that withers away in my neighbourhood without my missing it. I walked home in this temper of mind through several fields and meadows with an unspeakable pleasure, not without reflecting on the bounty of providence, which has made the most pleasing and most beautiful ob∣jects the most ordinary and most common.

我在錄音一篇沉櫻翻譯的文章。  我蠻想找找這個英國作者是誰的。  可惜沉櫻的那本書上沒有英文名字。  我只知道書裡講到鬱金香。  查了半天鬱金香都找不到， 最後還是嘗試拼拼看英國作者的名字才找到這篇文章。  而且竟然找到全篇文章。 (來源： https://quod.lib.umich.edu/e/ecco/004786805.0001.000/1:55?rgn=div1;view=fulltext)

 

Outfit movie afterthought

 I like the movie.  The acting was top notch, the conversation was engaging.  I think it is like a stage play, also reminded me a bit of noir genre.  

MarkRylance is awesome.  He has such an unassuming demeaner, which fits the role really well.  But it's his subtle movements, which caught by camera that's gripping.  

It's a nice little film.  The ending is cliche.  But it really doesn't hurt the film, for its strength should really come from the process, with conversation, plot twists, and acting.  

There's a hole in the history of the world

 這世界的歷史有一很多洞。  其中我覺得最大的一塊是新疆以西和歐洲以東的地方。  

我今天寫下這個想法是因為我在找印刷術在世界各地的起源和流傳。  以地區來說，整個華夏地區是一塊，新疆鮮卑是一塊，地中海是和歐洲是一塊，印度是一塊。  但是，在維基裡，提到印刷術只有華夏和歐洲。  我想找找伊朗的印刷術歷史，有的東西不多， 有的也都是回教立國之後。  感覺上，從華夏都歐洲，除了兩個終端有比較詳細的歷史，中間幾乎都是斷掉的。  我是不怎麼相信這裡真沒有東西。  多半是有，但是出不來。  那跟沒有，很像。  

因此，這世界的歷史有個大洞。  

On peace of mind (a second time)

 

On Peace of Mind

"On my head pour only the sweet waters of serenity. Give me the gift of the Untroubled Mind."


Once, as a young man full of exuberant fancy, i undertook to draw up a catalogue of the acknowledged "goods" of life. As other men sometimes tabulate lists of properties they own or would like to own, i set down my inventory of earthly desirables: health, love, beauty, talent, power, riches, and fame.

when my inventory was completed I proudly showed it to a wise elder who had been the mentor and spiritual model of my youth. Perhaps I was trying to impress him with my precocious wisdom. Anyway, i handed him the list. "This", I told him confidently, "is the sum of mortal goods. Could a man possess them all, he would be as a god."

At the corners of my friend's old eyes, I saw wrinkles of amusement gathering in a patient net. "An excellent list," he said, pondering it thoughtfully. "Well digested in contented and set down in not-unreasonable order. But it appears, my young friend, that you have omitted the most important element of all. You have forgotten the one ingredient, lacking which each possession becomes a hideous torment."

"And what," i asked, peppering my voice with truculence, "is that missing ingredient?"

With a pencil stub he crossed out my entire schedule. Then, having demolished my adolescent dream structure at a single stroke, he wrote down three syllables: peace of mind. "This is the gift that God reserves for His special proteges," he said.

"Talent and beauty He gives to many. Wealth is commonplace, fame not rare. But peace of mind -- that is His final guerdon of approval, the fondest insignia of His love. He bestows it charily. Most men are never blessed with it; others wait all their lives -- yes, far into advanced age -- for this gift to descent upon them."



----------------Joshua Loth Liebman

(錄自: 英美名家散文選, 陳淑玲編譯, Bruce S. Stewart 校閱, 學習出版社)

我自己的自己的自己的回憶

 My mom asked me, do you have any happy memory from childhood?  

It's strange.  

I have a lot of those.  But It's hard to put into words.  I have a lot of those, but it's hard to put into words.  

我也就隨想隨寫，既不受時空的限制，也無有任何外部的壓力。  讓我想想。  

我常常在想，我小時候是很快樂的。  在我的印象裡，媽媽，我，和我妹總是在一起，做幾乎所有的事。  去三軍托兒所，去象山，去圓山，逛很多書店，去上英文補習，鋼琴補習，學期腳踏車，學游泳。  還有很多。  家裡請客

我們和爸爸的印象最多的就是他的診所，中正紀念堂，還有兵馬俑展覽，在台灣故宮的對面，還有國父紀念館，看黃飛鴻，看胡金銓導演的最後一部戲，陰陽法王，大嫂家的打牌和請客，程偉朱叔叔家的狗，和小余叔叔他們家在一起。  還有很多。  

我現在很有印象的事就是我從小聽我媽媽說我的身體很弱。  於是她要我和我妹妹去學游泳，希望可以治好氣喘。  那時我們從小的玩伴之一，筱枚和小寶都已是游泳健將了。  我和妹妹才去學。 那是在師大附屬師小的游泳池，好像是一個暑假。  我怎麼都不肯下水，我媽媽是很生氣的，但是那個教練很好有耐心，是個大哥哥。  我妹倒是很快就下水了。  但不知怎的我妹受了傷。  之後我卻肯下水了。  後來，媽媽帶我和妹妹去淡江大學在金華街附近的游泳池去報名游泳。  我記得我們在那裏的會員費可貴了。  但是卻是那附近最靠近我們的游泳池。  我記得我們游到至少小學結束。  一星期至少三次，都是我母親自帶我們去的。  那個游泳池的設備真是一流，也難怪很貴。  後來我再去哪兒游，都沒有那兒好。  我們那時也去過 台北的 ymca 游，但是遠一點，就沒有去。  媽媽矢志要使我們健康強壯。  

媽媽自己不會騎腳踏車。  他也矢志要我們學會騎腳踏車。  那時林慧珠阿姨也同意他的看法，我們要會騎腳踏車。  林阿姨剛好有一部很舊的腳踏車，好像是他姪子的。  剛好適合我們，媽媽就用這一部車子來教我們。  他教我們的方式是，我們在前面踩踏，他在後面扶持。  這樣好幾次，她累得半死，我們還是學不會。  我想我那時是很害怕的。 有一次還是爸爸來帶我們騎。  爸爸也用同樣的方式，他也累得半死，但是我們還是學不會。  爸爸看我們學不會，他就自己騎給我們看。  他人滿大的，其那個小車，卻還滿輕鬆自在地。  之後還是媽媽來帶。  但是無論如何，我們就是學不會。  我的印象裡是，之後媽媽和林慧珠阿姨提到這事(還是別人，我的記憶有點模糊了)，他說，應該要讓我們自己來，不要有人在後面扶持。  因為我們的腳可以搆得到地面，我們只要自己一隻腳撐地，然後開始踩踏。 如果一開始如果害怕，就撐一下，停一下。  慢慢的就自己就會了。  我們是在三軍托兒所練習。  我記得，那時試用這個方法，居然很快就會了。  小瑋好像也是如此。  

就先寫到這裡。  看看下次有空再說。  

A poem I saw

 告別

段戎

一切都留在花季裡了。
 

石頭小徑平坦，掌紋
還擱在心的左側   
你來時輕盈，卻重重地
跌進我的眼神

還記得陽光溫暖，我們相互摩挲
像整個世紀
都欠彼此一個吻痕
往返時區如往返諾言
互視成便永恆

只有秋意太急，閉上眼
看見所有信號的枯萎
我們環抱古老的大樹
向它請示花季的盡頭：
「那些看不見的
都在依序發生。」

這個日子於是被定格
你在鏡頭之中
輕得像粒灰塵

費柏門一家 觀後感

 theFablemans afterthought

我昨晚看了史蒂芬。史匹柏的費柏門一家。  兩個小時半的電影，看起來是一點都不費力。  史導演雕塑電影的能力在這部電影裡很完美的呈現出來。  選角，音樂，攝影，劇本結合在一起，沒有一絲尷尬。  

但是，我要到現在才稍微想到一些東西來說。  

我覺得電影裡有一種極度的渴望，渴望去原諒。  原諒了沒，我覺得不重要，而是從沒有放棄那種渴望。  而且，原諒甚麼，我也不知道。  

電影裡有一些地方我得承認我沒有看懂。  有些對話，我搞不清出他們在講甚麼。  恐怕還得再看一遍。  像是電影後段， 高中欺負他的校園明星，最後跟他說的話，我不懂他們在說啥。  

我在 拯救萊恩大兵的採訪中，已經聽過史導演自己描述幼時在亞利桑那州，自己想法子拍戰爭片的事情。  現在在電影裡看到覺得很是有趣。  另外， 我發現史導演的很多部電影真的就像是把自己的童年重新拿出翻騰。  像是我很喜歡他的 super8，和這部電影有許多類似的地方。  但是這一部或許更是他的勇氣之作，因為之前的作品可以用科幻，象徵，或者冒險來遠離事實。  但是這一部，卻是相反。  而且，他描述的主題是他最親的兩個人， 我覺得真是不可思議。  

這部費柏門一家已是我最近一年裡看的第三部大導演拍攝自已童年的故事的電影了。  之前的兩部是羅馬 (Roma, by alfonsoCuraon), 貝爾法斯特(Belfast, by kennethBranahg).  每一部都很好看。  羅馬需要一點耐性就是了。  

詩鈔

 送別

席慕蓉

不是所有的夢   都來得及實現
不是所有的話   都來的及告訴你
疚恨總要深植在別離後的心中
儘管   他們說
世間種種最後終必成空
我並不是故意要錯過
可是   我一直都在這樣做
錯過那花滿枝椏的昨日
又要錯過今朝
今朝仍要重複那相同的別離
餘生將成陌路   一去千里
在暮靄裡向你深深俯著
請為我珍重
儘管   他們說
世間種種最後終必   終必成空

在看完您好，母親大人，這是最後一集最後面的的一首詩。  

嘗試翻譯，然後一點感想

H is for Hawk 

"...and as the cover falls my hawk makes a curious, bewitching movement.  She twitches her head to one side then

當書的封面落下時，我的老鷹做了一個可愛的動作。  他把他的頭一直歪向一邊，

 turns it upside down and continues to regard me with the tip of her beak pointing at the ceiling.  I am astonished. 

幾乎要把頭整個倒過來，鳥嘴尖幾乎朝著天花板，但是兩眼卻始終沒有離開我。  我吃了一驚。

 I've seen this head-turning before.  Baby falcons do it when they play.  But goshawk?  Really?  I pull a sheet of

我看過這種現象，那是雛鷹想玩時的動作。  但蒼鷹也想玩？ 搞錯了吧？！  我拿一張

 paper towards me, tear a long strip from one side, scrunch it into a ball, and offer it to the hawk in my fingers. 

紙，撕成長條，揉成一個球狀，用手指拿到蒼鷹的面前。

 She grabs it with her beak.  It crunches.  She likes the sound.  She crunches it again and then lets it drop, turning

他用喙把紙團叼過去。  紙團在他的嘴裡壓出聲響。  他喜歡這聲音。  他再咬一口然後就放開了紙團，讓紙團掉到地上去。

 her head upside down as it hits the floor.  I pick it up and offer it to her again.  She grabs it and bites it very gently

然後他再一次的把頭倒轉過來。  我撿起了紙團又遞給他。  這次他叼過去，輕輕咬啊咬的：   

 over and over again: gnam, gnam, gnam.  She looks like a glove puppet, a Punch and Judy crocoldile.  her eyes

發出咂吧咂吧的聲音。  他看起來好像一個布袋戲裡的布袋娃娃， 一個 胖曲和奺笛的鱷魚娃娃。  他瞇著眼竟然像

 are narrowed in bird-laughter.  I am laughing too.  I roll a magazine into a tube and peer at her through it as if it

笑出聲來。  我也被他逗笑了。  我把一本雜誌捲起來像個管子，然後把眼睛從管子裡望向他

 were a telescope.  She ducks her head to look at me through the hole.  She pushes her beak into it as far as it

，模仿一個望遠鏡。  他低下頭也同我一樣，從管子的另一端望向我。  接著他把鳥嘴盡量向前伸入管子裡，

 will go, biting the empty air inside.  Putting my mouth to my side of my paper telescope I boom into it: "Hello,

好像在管子裡試著咬著假想的東西。  我也把我的嘴湊上了管子，向裡面說 「哈囉，

 Mabel."  She pulls her beak free.  All the feathers on her forehead are raised.  she shakes her tail rapidly from side to side and shivers with happiness.  

美寶。」 管子裡的聲音共鳴著。  他迅速地抽出他的喙。  他前額的所有羽毛都豎起來了。  他快速地左右擺動他的尾巴，身體可以看到快樂的顫抖。  

An obscure shame grips me.  I had a fixed idea of what a goshawk was, just as those Victorian falconers had, and it was not big enough to hold what goshawk are.  No one had ever told me goshawks played.  It was not in the books.  I had not imagined it was possible.  I wondered if it was because no one had ever played with them.  The thought made me terribly sad...."

一股莫名的羞愧襲上我。  我以前對蒼鷹的舊有印象一直都和維多利亞時代的馴鷹人一樣。  這印象猶如井底之蛙，根本不能抓住蒼鷹的全部面貌。  從沒有一個人跟我說蒼鷹也愛玩。  沒有一本書提到過。  我從沒想過這種可能。  我猜會不會是從來沒有人和他們玩。  這種想法讓我很難過。。。

-----------------------------------------------------------

我看完這本書已經是兩星期前了吧。  卻總還是想著這本書。  我覺得這一段其實是一整本書最重要的地方。  一整本書的轉折點，也是一整本書的中心主題。  這書的作者養蒼鷹的目的有一部份是因為蒼鷹的名聲很兇悍，是一種極其難馴的鷹種。  他早年學馴鷹的時候，從不敢去碰的。  但現在因為喪父，心情惡劣到，只想遠離人群，和一隻兇悍蒼鷹生活。  希望可以藉著這隻鷹，使自己忘記過去也不要想到未來。  

他從小對鷹就情有獨鍾，立志要當個馴鷹人。  因此他從小就嗜讀有關馴鷹的書。  歐洲自從十字軍東征後，和阿拉伯文化有了接觸，就開始有了馴鷹的習慣。  而蒼鷹，更是屬於歐洲貴族的專屬，因為要野放蒼鷹的時候需要很大的場地。  也因為有如此長的歷史，很早就有歐洲人把馴鷹的事寫成了書。  作者經常舉例的書裡，就有十七，十八，和十九世紀維多利亞時代的書。  很多這些書對蒼鷹的描述都是兇悍，嗜血， 鬧脾氣，不馴。  

但是當作者開始真正馴養蒼鷹時，卻發現了許多書裡所沒有提到的事情。  我節錄的這一段，就是一個對蒼鷹有新認識的起點。  

這本書有另外三分之一是在描寫另一個作家懷特的書。  我本來以為作者提出懷特養蒼鷹的經驗只是想做一個簡單的對比，對比作者和懷特馴鷹過程的不同。  但是，在經過兩個星期後的沉澱，我覺得不光是這樣。  作家懷特出了一本書描述他自己第一次馴鷹的過程。  這過程實在令我看得很難過，只能用粗暴虐待來形容懷特第一次馴鷹的過程。  我在看得當兒只想把懷特推下懸崖。  作者對懷特的馴鷹一開始主要是引用了一般人對懷特的認識，懷特本身是一個同性戀，當時的英國，同性戀仍是一大禁忌。  而更糟糕的是，懷特自己對自己這個傾向也帶著厭惡。  也因為這樣，他出的這本馴蒼鷹的書，很多人的解讀也是從同性戀壓抑來看。  但是， 我最近想，作者雖也描述了大部分人的看法，但是，作者更看出懷特馴蒼鷹的書其實是真摯地為了馴鷹這份嗜好。  我們看書，是否也因為作者本身是怎樣的，而決定了他的書就是怎樣的？  有趣的是，作者早年看懷特的書，覺得慘不忍睹。  他不了解懷特一個大人為啥把自己馴鷹的失敗寫出來？  大人寫書不都是要教別人怎麼做好一件事嗎？  懷特當年出版馴鷹的書時，也是呈兩極評價。但是現在，作者不再這樣想了。   出版自己失敗的經驗，有時比當作一個專家，專門教導別人，更具實用價值。  

最後，作者提出了一個滿重要的說法。  就是他以前在書上看到人家如何評價蒼鷹，例如說蒼鷹象貴族，蒼鷹象大主教，像一個古埃及的符號。  但是，這些說法只是比喻。  蒼鷹可能象貴族，但是他不是貴族。  他是蒼鷹。  我們人為了要理解這個世界， 往往要派給我們所知道的事物某些意義。  但是這種意義和這些事物本身是不一樣的。  這些意義甚至可能使我們看不清，甚至看不到事物的本質。  

我再節錄一段書裡的文字在此：

"I've learned in my months with Mabel this is the greatest of all: that there is a world of things out there -- rocks and trees and stones and grass and all the things that crawl and run and fly.  They are all things in themselves, but we make them sensible to us by giving them meanings that shore up our own views of the world.  In my time with Mabel I've learned how you feel more human once you have known, even in your imagination, what it is like to be not.  And I have learned, too, the danger that comes in mistaking the wildness that animates it.  Goshawks are things of death and blood and gore, but they are not excuses for atrocities.  Their inhumanity is to be treasured because what they do has nothing to do with us at all.  "  

我和美寶在一起的時光裡， 我學到最寶貴的一課就是： 這個世界充滿了各式各樣的事物，岩石，樹木，石頭，綠草，還有其他會爬會飛會走的各類動物。  他們自成一體，我們為了要了解他們，就賦予了他們各種意義。  但那些意義只是我們各自對這個世界的認知罷了。 和美寶在一起，有時我會想像自己不是人類， 但即使是那樣的幻想裡， 我卻更認識了自己是人類的道理。  也在同一個時間，我也認識到一種危險， 那就是錯把自己幻想成老鷹時好像自己也擁有了老鷹一樣的野性！  蒼鷹是一種帶來死亡與血腥的動物，但是他不應該成為你犯下暴行的藉口。  他們獸性是人類需要尊重的， 因為他們本就不是人啊。  (這個翻譯實在是太爛了)

再補一句話：  SyMontgomery 寫的：

"Our fellow animals teach us lessons about the delights of sameness and difference. They immerse us in wonder. They lead us to humility; they inspire us to reverence. They teach us the many facets of love."

餘音書鈔

 餘音第十九章： 冷戰

「別太任性。 人和人中間的關係，生氣是沒用的。。。」

「我是 『四十九之非，雖知已晚』。 但是我至少是知非的。 我想你最好也能和我的看法一樣。 你爸爸是有不是的。  這樣你會舒服些，好生氣些。 如果有一天我不在，你也可以寬解些。」

這些話都是餘音裡的老爸勸女兒的話。 

這是我第一千篇網誌。  這句子鈔在這裡實在是有點感想的。  尤其是 「人和人中間的關係，生氣是沒用的。」 這句話。  

  

書裡的詩

 餘音，徐鍾珮

作者在第十七章用了一句詩。  我滿喜歡的，去網上查了一下。  更佩服作者把此詩句用在這裡。  

把它抄綠在此：

出自唐代元稹的《遣悲懷三首·其三》

閒坐悲君亦自悲，百年都是幾多時。
鄧攸無子尋知命，潘岳悼亡猶費詞。
同穴窅冥何所望，他生緣會更難期。
惟將終夜常開眼，報答平生未展眉。

注釋
鄧攸：西晉人，字伯道，官河西太守。《晉書·鄧攸傳》載：永嘉末年戰亂中，他舍子保侄，後終無子。
潘岳：西晉人，字安仁，妻死，作《悼亡詩》三首。這兩句寫人生的一切自有命定，暗傷自己無妻無子的命運。
窅冥：音(咬名)； 深暗的樣子。

書摘

 H is for Hawk  excerpt

剛看完這本書。  我借借還還這本書至少三四次。  從來沒看完過第二章。  這次又借了。  借了一個多月後，終於看完了。  我很喜歡裡面講馴鷹的地方。  這本書的主題真的很雜。  我想最重要的是如何度過喪親之痛，再來是馴鷹，最後是作者描述他親手馴鷹的過程裡，他對前人馴鷹的感想和印證。  

這邊摘錄的段落可以看出我最喜歡作者馴鷹的過程。  我掙扎了一段時間才看完這本書實在是因為他寫的喪親之痛實在很沉重。  

Chapter 12

...and as the cover falls my hawk makes a curious, bewitching movement.  She twitches her head to one side then turns it upside down and continues to regard me with the tip of her beak pointing at the ceiling.  I am astonished.  I've seen this head-turning before.  Baby falcons do it when they play.  But goshawk?  Really?  I pull a sheet of paper towards me, tear a long strip from one side, scrunch it into a ball, and offer it to the hawk in my fingers.  She grabs it with her beak.  It crunches.  She likes the sound.  She crunches it again and then lets it drop, turning her head upside down at it hits the floor.  I pick it up and offer it to her again.  She grabs it and bites it very gently over and over again: gnam, gnam, gnam.  She looks like a glove puppet, a Punch and Judy crocoldile.  her eyes are narrowed in bird-laughter.  I am laughing too.  I roll a magazine into a tube and peer at her through it as if it were a telescope.  She ducks her head to look at me through the hole.  She pushes her beak into it as far as it will go, biting the empty air inside.  Putting my mouth to my side of my paper telescope I boom into it: "Hello, Mabel."  She pulls her beak free.  All the feathers on her forehead are raised.  she shakes her tail rapidly from side to side and shivers with happiness.  

An obscure shame grips me.  I had a fixed idea of what a goshawk was, just as those Victorian falconers had, and it was not big enough to hold what goshawk are.  No one told had ever told me goshawks played.  It was not in the books.  I had not imagined it was possible.  I wondered if it was because no one had ever played with them.  The thought made me terribly sad....

-------------------

Chapter 24

...  I have spent my evenings playing with Mabel.  I've made her toys out of paper and tissue and car.  She turns her head upside down, puffs out her chin-feathers, squeaks, picks up the toys in her beak, drops them, and preens.  When I throw her balls of scrunched-up paper she catches them in her beak and tosses them back to me with a flick of her head.  Then she crouches, waiting for me to throw them to her again.  It is as good as it gets.  When I told Stuart I played catch with her for a while he didn't believe me....

------------------

Chapter 30

..."An earthquake."  It was an earthquake...in England...And then I remember Mabel.  I've heard all the stories about animals fleeing from earthquakes.  "Oh, God.  She must be terrified.  I race downstairs, three steps a time, burst through the door and turn on the light in her room.  She is asleep.  She wakes, pulls her head from her mantle-feathers and looks at me with clear eyes.  She's surprised to see me.  She yawns, showing her pink mouth like a cat's and its arrowhead tongue with its black tip.  Her creamy underparts are draped right down over her feet. so only one lemony toe and one carbon-black talon are exposed.  Her other foot is drawn high up at her chest.  She felt the tremors.  And then she went back to sleep, entirely unmoved by the moving earth.  The quake brought no panic, and no fear, no sense of wrongness to her at all.  She's at home with the world.  She's here.  She ducks her head upside down, pleased to see me, shakes her feathers into a fluffy mop of contentment, and then, as I sit with her, she slowly closes her eyes, tucks her head back into her feathers, and sleeps.  She is not a duke, a cardinal, a hieroglyph or a mythological beast, but right now Mabel is more than a hawk.  She feels like a protecting spirit....

隨想

 最近在錄製餘音。  所以甚麼也沒有想說。  

我感覺我愈來愈不會講話了。  心理著實害怕。  但是一點都不知道要怎麼辦。  我心裡真的很害怕。  今天送媽媽去中文聚會所，有人來和我說話，我卻一點都無法回答。  昨天把胡熒阿姨托買的東西送過去，我還滿想聊一聊的， 但是，我講了幾句就知道有點不對勁，我就不怎麼講了。  然後就是聽胡熒阿姨一個人說，我在旁邊應。  最近就連小瑋來講話，我也感覺對的很吃力地應對。  或者是無意識的就走開了。  雖然我事後自己知道這反應是很糟糕的，是我的精神力的下降。  可是我不知道要怎麼辦。  

from where I am standing right now.  There's nothing in the future for me.  I do not understand why I am here.  I feel all contacts right now are either flat lined, or extremely superficial.  But it's not other people's problem.  It's the way I like it.  However, this way brings nothing for me.  I am noting sowing, so  I am not reaping.  I don't want to sow.  So I know I will get nothing in return.  But now I don't know why I want to keep living.  I even feel my speech is gone, I have even less to interact with people.  I just want tok illm yself.  I really do.  There's nothing in front of me.  Bleak darkness, no matter how people treat me with their kindness and love.  I just don't want anything at all.  It used to be a desire.  But now I feel my brain is literally cut off from interacting with people.  Saying hello is hard, looking at other people when talking to them is hard, speaking to people is odd, express myself in any sorts of way is extremely painful.  

I feel only death can bring a swift release.  I just wan toki ll mys elf.  

Wow, it's been quite a while.

 I was driving on the highway today and saw a huge moon hanging low in the sky.  

It was not fully night yet.  

There's still a light yellow hue in the sky.  It looked like,

 that hue was radiant from the moon, which was glowing in light yellow as well.  

The highway went up and down, spiral left and right.  

The woods was almost black, dark profile against the darkening sky.  

Red lights from the tails of those cars in front of me.  It was such a incredible view, 

especially with that huge moon right above the woods.  

餘音讀後小感

 我才讀完餘音，徐鍾珮寫的小說。  他被歸類為抗戰小說。  我可以了解抗戰這個歸類。 但是我覺得這樣歸類會限制了別人對他的印象。  我在看完這本書後，我覺得如果歸類到女性覺醒這一類的小說更合適。  尤其我最近邊看餘音，還邊看他寫的 【我在台北及其他】的集子。  我更有此感覺。  雖說他在 【我在台北及其他】 的序裡說他不很同意女性(或女權)主義(或運動)。  

這本小說裡， 沒有一個合格的男性。  一個都沒有。  也不知道為啥，我寫著寫著腦海裡突然閃過李安的色戒。  那裏面也沒有一個合格的男性。  也許我太苛了，這小說還是有一些還可以的男人(那個被日本軍官殺掉的為村里奔走折衝的先生)。  但是，實在少得可憐。  

但是反過來說，也許這很符合徐鍾珮自己的生 活經歷。  我在想 咪咪看這本書時，也許會有不少同感？  因為都是女校出身。  另外，作者和其他女同學，女朋友，堂表姊妹的緊密關係應該也是現實寫照。  我看到舅媽和他的朋友在一起時，也有類似的感覺。  這點和我看到我媽媽和他的朋友和同學在一起時， 似乎不一樣。  

雖說四個序言都是說這並非徐的自傳。  但是，我感覺他在某方面寫的離自傳很近很近。  

他文字的運用實在是直覺，天成。  我念起來非常之容易。  幾乎沒有文氣，就是所謂的文藝腔。  是那樣的白話，那樣的自然。  有些地方也用了一些吳儂軟語的字詞。  雖說每篇都不長，人物刻劃也是那樣的簡單。  可是卻那樣的深刻。  真正有畫龍點睛之效。  

他寫女兒和父親，他寫女兒和母親正是這樣。  平舖直述，但是到每一個階段的結束，每一個情感的湧出都很真切厚實。  即使到最後，他依然和母親有心結，因著他的描述，我仍是感到他們母女的份量。  

我打算來念這本小說。   我錄了第一章，四頁，修改後大概可以是十分鐘。  本書共三百廿頁有奇。  我估計唸完可能花十三個小時。 我媽很喜歡這本書，我們這本已經四十年了，再不錄下來，這書快散了。  這書裡面提到的重慶精神，我怕以後的書裡很少會有了，就算提了也不能如這書裡所描述的。  雖然作者出此書時，離抗戰已超過十年，但是任何經歷過抗戰的人，那八年恐怕是一輩子刻骨銘心的回憶了。  

first time in 26 years

It's not my first time went to Cape Cod in 26 years.  But considering the last time I went, I did not go anywhere, except my sis' wedding.  

My sister told us she already planned a trip to Cape Cod 2 weeks ago.  But then my mom had an SI joint pain last week which causes her lots of discomfort and severely dampened her ability to walk.  Before last Saturday, we still hope she could go.  I told my sis to persuade her, for I believe my sis is good at getting my mom's attention.  For a while, Mom said she will go.  But we did a trial run to Costco last Friday.  Then after we came back, we went out to deliver a mail to mail box.  Next day though, on Saturday morning, she was so tired, she lied in bed past 7:30 am which rarely happened for her.  So we decided she could not go.  Because if she went and walked too much, I am afraid it would impede her recovery.  

 

This is really not good for her morale.  But she really needed her rest.  

--------------------------

My sis rented an AirB&B.  We had a whole cape to us.  The place is at brewster.  The first night we had a welcome to cape cod rally, by ordering a pizza for over $30.  We were all shocked, but PQ almost choked.  :p  The pizza was really good, though I doubted I'd order it in a normal circumstance.  

The next few day, my sis made breakfast for us.  Because originally we planned with mom being here, we brought a lot of stuff to prepare for meal.  I brought a Costco's rotisseries chicken, mom made chicken liver and heart, along with nuts, fruits...  My sis brought eggs, cheese, salads, and many other stuff.  She's an excellent cook. we had lots of eggs, scrambled, steamed next day, with croissants and salad.  She's crunching how much proteins we have...  Very professional.  

-------------------------

Provincetown

We went to Provincetown, although brewster is on the same cape cod location with provincetown, it took us 40 minutes to get there.  We went to their Race point beach.  A lot of biking trails.  There are quite a few people renting the E-bike from P-town Downtown and biked there.  My sis wanted to try but could not, we ran out of time in the end.   The beach was very big, but not a lot of people.  That's the purpose though, my sis and her hubby always planned this trip to avoid peak tourist season.  The water was so clear.  The sand was nice too.  I wore slippers most of the trip.  It was fun.  I stood in the water, but a lot of people were staying dry.  The best surprise was that there's a seal swimming very close to the shore, not more than 20 feet.   It's like a performance, he showed us how to eat fish with no hands.  His relaxed attitude draw everybody's attention, including a puppy shepherd's dog.  He's so relaxed, swimming anywhere he wanted.  And there're seagulls above him trying to score some leftover.  There're also a few seals nearby, but they never put their heads out of water.  

Later, we went to the downtown.  The street we went directly was commercial street.  And it was a mistake.  It was crowded and narrow.  PQ fled, and my sis looked up the internet found some local advice to went the east side of comm. st.  to find parking by the street.  Then we basically walked from the residential area to the downtown.  It already long past the lunch time, PQ was in a hurry to eat.  They discussed, and googled, and discussed, and walked some more.  PQ had a restaurant in mind, but when we got there, the price was insane.  So onward we went, went past the memorial tower.  And found theCanteen.  There we had some sandwiches.    It was not bad.  I had their classic fish sandwich, good portion and generous pickles and coleslaws.  On the way back, we hit very few stores.  I guess we were tired.  

--------------------------------

CapeCod Rail Trail

The next day, we went for the Cape Cod Rail Trail.  But because we went to provincetown the day before.  We decided to go opposite direction, towards yarmouth.          It was probably the flattest rail trail?  Although other rail trails were quite flat as well, however, I think I could stay in the highest gear and ran though most of the road.  Maybe the other direction would be different.  But it's also very very nice.  Because on other rail trails, there're always some industrial setting.  Not here.  It's surrounded by nature.  And there're lakes along the way, you could sit and just watch, or even swimming in them!  The one impressed me was the SheepPond for there are only few people, mostly elderly.  And a pair of them just went into the lake and start swimming.  Upon seeing this, PQ said when my sis tried to teach him to swim, they did not have any gears, my sis just told him to kick the legs in the water.  It was kind hilarious.  He kept complaining there're no equipment when he was being taught.  Because that elder gentlemen had a floating device, not for swimming, but for safety.  But the lady had nothing.  

PQ and my sis used e-scooters for the whole trail.  I used my bike.  My sis rode the bike for a while, she really enjoyed it.  The e-scooter was quite fun and it could get quite fast.  PQ even had his own setup with cellphone holder.  But it broke loose during the trip.   We used my car to go the nickerson state park to transport both e-scooter and my bike.  I gotta say, if honda did not pick up the element beacon, somebody else should...  

Hyannis

We went to Hyannis next in the afternoon.  This time, PQ immediately signaled for lunch.  Though it's still a bit late, but he's not as agitated after lunch.  We had a lunch at an Italian restaurant, alberto's.  The way to the town was kind industrial, and at the beginning, we saw some for rental, for lease sign.  But once the in the downtown. Hyannis was not bad.  Not as busy and bustling as P-town.  Almost like some description from internet, kind sleepy.  But we really liked it.  We came here to see something related to kennedy family.  There we went, a korean war veteran memorial park, and a long beach, littered with broken shells and birds poop.  But eventually, it's a leather hand craft store impressed us more than anything.  lol  

-----------------------------

Chatham

I wanted to see sunrise at cape cod.  initially i wanted to go the dune sand at provincetown.  But it was a 40 minutes ride, my sis reminded me.  So I googled a little, i decided to go to chatham.  There's a lighthouse there.  It was always weird to go and do anything alone. Get up took sometimes.  But I'd woken up at 5 for a quite while now.  On the way there,  I  can't imagine going there without GPS.  Even if I looked up on the map, I felt I still need to powerful flashlight to see the road signs...  

The chatham dt was quite impressive, almost like p-town, even in the darkness.  But I'd say it's bigger, and more elaborate, probably more high end as well.  

There's a 30 min parking lot across the lighthouse.  The post said it's one of the best place to watch sunrise.  I was lucky.  But not that lucky.  Because the cloud covered 3/4 of the sky, especially where sky met the ocean.  I stepped out and glad I wore enough clothes.  But still got mosquito bites.  There were a few cars already.  an older gentleman went past me and asked would we able to see the sun today.  I said, hopefully.  under the parking lot was actually a beach with lots of marshes.   Scattered boats, I guess they are fishing boats, sail by the beach.  It was quite a sight.  Then I hear seagulls dropping clams on the asphalt road.  They kept doing it.  Interesting.  

I went down to the beach.  It was the best I've touched in cape cod.  clean, not much shells, no bird poops.  But early morning sands were very cool to the touch.  

The sun eventually hid himself behind the cloud.  We could not see much there.  So I headed back.  They were still sleeping.  That's good.  

Falmouth

The last day of the trip.  Falmouth was also where PQ and my sis' wedding took place.  A special location for them.  But for me, besides the prime ribs during the reception, Falmouth did not leave anything in my memory.   

We went to an estate called highfield hall.  The mansion was quite big, and the interior was impressive.  The garden outside was also managed well.  It contained a web of trails behind the facility.  But it was okay.  

After that we went to anejo, a mexican restaurant.  It was not bad.  But I think my sis was more impressed, her order of mussels were awesome, according to her.  PQ's order was very fulfilling, to the point he could not finish it by himself.  I helped out some.  Then we walked around downtown area.  It was more established than Hyannis, not as touristic as P-town.  My sis said well, Falmouth downtown reminded her of lexington.   After a 15 minutes, we went the famous lighthouse, where they took their wedding photos.  I wanted to leave early, hoping to escape the traffic.  But I'd never seen their photo shoot.  I should go for a look.  It was a long and winding road to get there.  But they were doing construction there at this time.  We could only take some pictures on the outside.  

Then we were on the way home.  

-----------------------------------------

PQ and my sis always prepared well for their trips.  PQ brough video games and fire sticks to watch shows on youtube.  we played mario party the first night, that series is always addictive, even my sis liked it.  PQ dies and lives with video games, almost like it's his blood.  one of the best memories from his childhood.  Then the next day, we watched a movie and their shows.  the last night I played TNT and Bubble bubble with PQ, they were old video games, probably what they called 8 bit or 16 bit games.  It was fun, but PQ was awesome in those games.  I really think video game trained his vision so well, that when we were on the trail, he can always spot some things, me and my sis cannot catch in the move.  

---------------------------------------

i called mom during those days.  But I can feel her feeling down.  I don't know, maybe it's still better to bring her along?  She finished reading a book she loved during her young adults era.  This is a book she said the typing was too small for he to read.  

Book afterthought

 最近看了一本書叫做 ， The hidden life of dogs， 作者 ElizabethMarshallThomas。

在看完第三到四章時，我很想放掉不看了。  因為裡面有一個故事實在很令人難過。  但我還是耐著性子看完了。  最終章卻也讓我慶幸自己沒有放棄。  

這是一位人類學家把他家裡養的一大群狗的故事和觀察寫成的一本書。  他的筆觸很平淡，很實在。  也正因如此， 有許多敘述的筆調， 往往沒有任何修飾，那個令我想放棄讀這本書的地方是正是因為這種赤裸裸的感覺。  讀完這本書時，這種筆調卻令我感覺非常真實，作者的想法，感受， 情感。  沒有一絲交揉做作。  有淡淡的感傷，卻沒有過度的悲情。  也因為這份真，才可以感到這本小書的重量。  

每當我想起那隻聖伯納犬被關在牢籠裡，等待著死亡，令我有說不出的恐懼和焦慮。  養寵物真的很需要時間，陪伴他們，和他們玩，和他們互動。  現在對養貓的人有種說法叫做， 【貓奴】。  實在很對。  如果你沒有時間，實在是不應該養的。  

作者養狗的方式滿特別的。  但那也是因為他當時有這種環境，又剛好碰上了哈士奇這樣的狗。  他也養著兩隻哈巴狗，但是那不是他這本書的對象。  他主要的對象是兩隻哈士奇和他們的後代，還有一隻丁狗【Dingo】。  做為一個人類學家，他希望的是可以在現代人盡量避免影響部落民族的可能下，去做研究。  他對於他的這群狗，也是持同樣的態度。  他當然也會帶他們去看獸醫，和保持他們的基本安全。  但除此之外， 盡量不去訓練他的狗。  所以那些狗並不會很聽話。  在這個過程裡，作者發現他的狗會自動訓練下一代，或者外來者。  所以都不需要擔心上廁所和保持清潔的基本行為。  很有趣的是，那個時候的 Cambridge, MA，還可以讓家狗到處溜達。  雖說，之後也有規定要有繩子，狗才能上街。  作者有一隻寄養的哈士奇，這隻哈士奇很喜歡自己出去逛街，作者一開始很好奇這隻狗到底地去了哪？ 於是他就不牽繩子，自己一陸跟過去看。  就像現在有人會給貓戴上錄影機，看看自家的貓咪都到哪兒去晃了。  從這裡， 作者開始做他的研究。  

這裡的書名有一個 Hidden，因為作者所描述的狗群，是一群總共由七八條狗所組成的廣大群體。  在這個群體裏，狗用他們天生的語言和溝通方式過日子。  作者也就藉著這個機會，來觀察研究。  這個隱藏的秘密也不僅僅是他所觀察到的狗和狗之間的肢體語言。  而是如果狗兒能夠自由選擇，他們所學習到的事物，他們所重視的價值， 他們自然的好惡，這些才是他重視的地方。  

這書真的很短，描述的東西似乎也不複雜。  因為對於中國人來說， 狗有無 Conscious 【意識】，應該不是一個具有爭議性的事。  他們當然有意識。  如果沒有意識，那不就是昏迷了就是死了。  但是，這個意識的問題，卻似乎在歐烏的學術裡有很大的爭議性。 所有我看過有關動物行為學的書，其實都圍繞的這個主題， 也就是除了人以外其他動物到底有無意識。   這裡面似乎有很多基督教的影響。  因為我感覺寫這種書的作者， 他們都志在打擊這個他們認為是基督教來的想法，就是除了人以外的動物，都是沒有 conscious 的。  

仔細想來，莊子和惠施在橋上的辯論裡似乎也有類似的意思。  莊子說橋下的魚在河裡很快活，惠施不以為然。  我們怎麼能知道其他動物的想法？  但是， 歐烏的學者，在十九世紀時有一派認為其他動物所以能做一些人類誤以為有意識的行為，只是由於器官機能的運轉像機器一樣。  他們其實是沒有喜怒哀樂愛惡懼，也無有智慧。 任何人說其他動物是有智慧和情感的，那都是擬人化了。  也有點像惠施指控莊子所說的。   不過，惠施還只是說我們不能知道魚的感覺。  我想，惠施或許還不至於完全泯滅其他動物的靈性。  老殘在他遊記的序裡提到靈性。  他說靈性愈高，愈會哭。  裡面我記得他提到牛馬不會哭，所以靈性不高。  但是他還是不能否定牛馬的靈性。  可是這本書卻也告訴我們，狗不會哭，但是他會嚎。  我想真正認識牛馬的人，也許也可以發現牛馬是怎麼哭的。  

我很驚訝他家可以養將近十隻狗。  

我到底喜不喜歡這本書呢？  我還滿喜歡的。  可是卻沒有勞倫斯的所羅門王的指環那樣深深的喜歡。  我想主要還是因為指環的故事有很多好笑的地方。  這本書呢， 就像我說的是一本平淡，沉靜的書。  但是作者娓娓道來，在最後的時候仍很有力量。  

Preparation for audiobook

 聽書的準備工作

成長路錄製結束後的幾個月，我並無停下腳步。  我繼續尋找並且嘗試錄製其他音檔。  但是都差強人意。  唯一令人稍微滿意的是豐子愷的做父親。  但是音檔是一年前錄製的。  當時並不滿意，但是一年後的今天卻覺得音色，感覺，和速度都還不錯。  雖然念的多一個字少一個字的，還有念錯字。  但是我覺得優點遠大於缺點，我也就藉著這個音檔，嘗試用 微軟的PPT 來做一個影片。  PPT 沒有真的成功。  只是用他做成一幅幅的圖檔和音檔搭配。  沒能用 PPT 滿可惜的，需要再接再厲，「先試試不通，在試准成功！」  (好笑的哩！)

最近主要在嘗試沉櫻編選的散文欣賞，是我母親在民國五十八年五月十五購於淡水。  裡面有很多翻譯的文章， 不少從法國，日本啦，美國英國啦，甚至西班牙的都有。  我看了以後覺得還不錯。  但是，開始念的時候，就發現很多問題。  有些句子和詞語，實在很拗口。  我想念法布爾的一篇文章， 我覺得很多文句不通暢。  看的時候沒有問題，但是念，實在不好。  但這也因人而異，象周作人的一篇日文翻譯， 我看得很高興，但是一念就是問題。  但是，夏濟安翻譯霍桑的古屋雜憶，就沒有這問題。  所以也很因人而異，這周的翻譯，實在讓我想到硬譯的論戰。  另外，沉櫻的這本散文選集裡面也有令人意外的收藏，象有一位作者叫古丁，中國作者，但是有關他的介紹卻是在日本維基。  原來他是偽滿時候的作者。  在文革前被犧牲掉了。  

我也想說，我深深覺得，我必須慢下腳步來。  因為學習製作影片是一回事， 錄音是另一回事。  錄音有錄音的準備，影片製作是另一回事。  影片製作裡，應該以 【作爸爸】那一篇為基礎。  從那以點上去發展。  錄音目前除了讀好幾遍外，我並沒有做其他的準備。  就算有也很粗糙。  其實最好把文章抄下來，可以備註斷句的地方；讀音的查詢；以及速度的註明。。。等等。  

另外就是，我必須閱讀。  因為唯有在閱讀之後，我才能決定我要錄甚麼！  計畫與否是一會事，但是必須閱讀。  

  

詩鈔

 看了一篇散文，是思果寫的有關他失學和自學的經歷。  裡面引用了一首英文詩：

但歷代累積豐富的歷史巨頁

在他們的眼前從未展開，

寒冷的貧窮惡殺了他們高貴的詩情，

凝結了靈性中天生的機能。

(格雷，Thomas Grey)

我還滿喜歡的，講述的是人類有史以來所累積的知識，貧窮的卻無法獲得，也因此無法使他們發揮自己的潛能。  此詩引用在這篇文章裡實在很合宜。  

我查了一下此詩的英文發現是一首很不容易讀的詩。  也滿長的。  用的字眼都滿古老。  和一般我們用的詞彙不容易直接對照。  我把同一段的英文錄在此：

But Knowledge to their eyes her ample page,  
  Rich with the spoils of time, did ne'er unroll;            
Chill Penury repress'd their noble rage,  
  And froze the genial current of the soul.  

學的越多，離道越遠

 The more you learn, the further from truth you are.  

I heard this before, or something similar.  I read it in a 武俠小說。  That monk is one of the greatest martial artists and Buddhism scholars at the time.  But in a instant, he lost all his martial ability.  Then he got enlightened.  This suddenly reminded me of a Zen story.  One of the great Zen master always shows his index finger when people asking him, what is zen.  One of his young disciples does the same when everyone asks him the same question.   One day, the Zen master sees his young disciple showing his index finger to a faith seeker.  He gets angry and pulled a knife, then cut off disciple's finger.  The young boy is in tear and pain.  But immediately, the Zen master asks the young disciple, "what is zen?"  The boy turned and showed his master the index finger in a habit.  Suddenly, the young disciples is enlightened!  

The words, written or speaking, are like that index finger.  It is visible.  But it meaning hidden between the utterer and receiver of the words.  We  can mimic

喜鵲謀殺案讀後感 含劇透

     I just finished the book.  I borrowed from library a couple months ago but did not finish it.  For some reasons, I kept thinking about it.  So I went to library trying to borrow it.  However, I'd already forgot the name, so I went to the circular desk and ask the librarians.  I told two young librarians, I am looking for a book I borrowed before.  I wonder if they could find it in my account.  They said the system does not hold such records.  So they started to ask me about the book.  I described the book as one of the staff's pick a couple months ago.  It's a detective story, red cover, the title contained some birds.  They both immediately said, Magpie Murders!  It was kind funny.  I got the book right away.  

    I really like the book.  I think it was quite engaging.  The way it presented itself was quite unusual.  A story within a story.  Both stories are engaging.  But at the end, when the first story finally finished, it was quite powerful for me.  Because the characters are all different now.  They took on a new meaning from the second story, especially for the characters from the first story were based on real person in the second story.  Even when I writing this afterthought, I found it a bit confusing to describe the plot...  

There're a lot of reference to the Agatha Christie novels, but I haven't even read one of her novels.  

I am kind comparing this one to the the Ganache series.  I felt this one is more grounded.  The characters were written in a more realistic way.  Because a lot of time, I find characters in Ganache series a bit like caricatures.  

I feel like the author really paid a tribute to the genre both for written words and TVs with this book.  Because the amount of reference for both media are a lot.  

I never see answers in neither stories, but the most surprising was the first story.

I saw some interviews with the author, he said his idea came from ArthurConanDoyle.    ACD hated Holmes so much, he wanted to kill the character off.  And apparently, a lot of author, including Agatha as well hated their own creations.  This gave author the idea for this book.  When I saw those interviews.  I thought it was indeed the case, the book wrote extensively about the relation with author and his own creation.  I guess it's why the ending for the first book was so appealing to me.  Author lives through their creations.  And yet, when it was demanded of them to use the same character, it became a grind, even debasing their ideals.  It was kind sad.  

I knew this book has a Chinese translation.  So I went and read some reviews.  Most of them said the same thing, bad translation and editing ruined the whole thing, both Mainland'sandTaiwan's version.  It was a shame.  But I would think this is a very hard book to translate, because it really has lots of references to classic mystery novels.  Plus I think it's so very British.  So unless the translator is really familiar with both Britain and classic mystery novels, it would is really difficult to do justice.  I only read it through 1 time, but I know I could only understand less than half of the contents, maybe even less...  

But even so, I could not put down the book once passed the opening scenes.  

Now  to think about it.  It was so weird that the victim was so disliked by everyone.  That made his death less sympathetic for the readers.  And yet, while I was reading it, I could not put it down.  

讀一篇法布爾的文章

 我最近看到法布爾的一篇自述，裡面有一段我覺得饒有趣味。  他說他第一次有科學的經驗是小時候想看看到底是眼睛看到太陽，還是嘴巴。  於是，他用了一個方法。  面朝著太陽，他同時把眼睛閉起來，嘴巴張開， 結果太陽就消失了；接者，他把眼睛張開，嘴巴閉起來，這次太陽出現了。  於是，他用歸納法得出了一個結論，是眼睛看到太陽，而不是嘴巴。  但是，當他把這個結論告訴其他人時，每個人都笑得噴飯。  

我滿喜歡這篇文章，本想把它錄下來。  但是很可惜，我在念的時候實在有太多地方拗口，不通順。  這實在是可惜。  很可惜。  我念的這一本是沉櫻編選的散文集。  裡面有一半是翻譯文，有不少是法國的文章。  雖說可能是英文翻譯過來的，但是畢竟我看的法國文章很少，我覺得很難得。  可惜的就是翻譯不是很順暢。  想找找看，有無英文版的，自己翻譯試試。  但是找不到。  

---------------------------

在我找這片文章的過程中，我發現一個奇怪的題目，例如：法布爾面對進化論：不重視還是仇視？  (fabre and evoultion, indifference or blind hatred).  之後還有陸陸續續其他類似的題目。  

這篇文章之所以吸引我，很大的部分就在於法布爾開宗明義地說他不相信當時很多人所信服的一套理論，這套理論就是遺傳，主要是說大部分的本領都是由上面好幾代鍛鍊好了傳給下一代的。  我剛開始找這篇文章用的是 heritage，但是在找了一陣子後，我現在改找 evolution。  但是還是找不到。  

剛好這一篇我想讀的文章和這個搜尋的結果似乎可以連在一起。  看來，法布爾始終覺得進化論只是一個理論， 這個看法可能衍生自他對遺傳的看法。  當他提到天才的時候，就和遺傳分家了。  

這一篇翻譯，最後一段還是可讀的，我把他鈔錄如下：

「現在應當把這篇講我自己的故事結束起來了。  從這一篇以看出從很小的時候我就很愛好自然的事物，我又有觀察的才能。  為什麼緣故，又是怎樣起來的呢？  我不知道。 

我們人與動物都有些特別的才能。  有個小孩喜歡音樂，別一個時常用泥土塑出東西來，又一個長於計算。  在昆蟲也是這樣。  一種蜂能夠切葉，別一種建築泥房，蜘蛛知道織網。  這些才能˙因為存在所以是存在，人們所說的只是這一句話罷了。  在人類裡，我們稱這特別的才能曰天才。 在昆蟲裡，我們稱他做本能。  本能即是動物的天才。」

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我今天看到的動物

Morning:

I was watering the dahlias in the morning.  I saw a hummingbird flying around the flowers.  It's the second morning I saw it.  What a beautiful sight!  

Morning: 

I was riding a bike through skug river preservation.  I came upon a long board walk, which passed through the Skug river.  There is a section filled completely with duckweed(浮萍)。  And among them, there're so many frogs, with eyes popping out of the duckweed.  I sat on the boardwalk, just to enjoy the view, after a while, I rose and trying to leave, so many frogs jumped out of the river, and made a very interesting call.  What a fantastic experience.  

Evening:

I was watering in the evening, the weather was hot, about 100 degree F today.  I saw a large insect.  It looks like a locust?!  I feel it was almost 4 inches.  

Making voicerecording so far

 It is so hard...  

When I read, I like to read in a whisper sometimes.  I thought if I could record some of the materials, it would be interesting.  And I was right.  It is interesting, but so very hard.  

I could not read without all kinds of noises, from my nose, my throat, even my stomach.   I usually do my recording after dinner.  I guess that doesn't help the noises.  

I just recently put an video up YT.  I spend more than a month to do it.  Because I want to use PPt to make slides with pictures and the article.  But I need to learn the most basic of PPt.  BTW, I don't have PPt.  So I used Libreoffice Impress.  It works the same, almost.  Then there's the format and design of the slides.  I eventually decides to go with the Traditional Chinese format, vertical style.  That took some doing.  Along the way, I scrapped the plan for a partial quote of the article to a full copy.  Because, my recording has too many problems, wrong pronunciations, adding words that's not there, or subtracting words that's there.  And therein lies a real problem.  I re-record a few more times, trying to see if I could replace the intended voice recording.  I failed, I could not produce another recording with the same tone, speed, and emotions.  

Anyway, it was frustrated.  I spent half day putting this project up on YT after talking to my sis.  She said if the  mistakes did not alter the story, I should just salvage it.  So I did.  

Another thing, no more sending videos to relatives and people.  Let them live in peace...  lol  The recording is really not a joy to listen.  I listened on a laptop then a cellphone.  My gosh, the cellphone's quality is pretty bad.  I can imagine what other people would think.  So no more.  Just let it flow on the YT ocean, and hope no one will find them and tell me to pull them down...  lol