On 1/17/2018, I quit my job at Mascon. I am, and so are the people around me, still experiencing heavy fallout after a week. The sub-sequence and after thought of that day will be described as follows:
------------- --------------- ----------------- ------------- ------------ -------------
The day I went back, my mom was surprised to see me. I told her what happened. She immediately showed a lot of support. Her only gripe was that I exploded. Because of my action in rage, even if I had any right by my side, it was all lost during the process. Many people from office left messages asking what happened. My uncle and aunt took me to ninety nine for dinner. The most bummed, was probably Mae. She was in the process of leaving. And I worked with her from the beginning when we were both temps. Grace called a day later, she told Mae on Wednesday, "need to wait for Jack to calm down." Then Sofiya said, we should meet. I met her that Friday at 330pm. Sofiya is Sofiya, her spirit did raise me to a better place. All these supports really helped me out a lot! Even CJ texted me from Taiwan, (she is on a Company business trip).
A
But to me, this is a very heavy loss. I can see the heavy toll on my mom as well. And I am debating what to do next, school, job, or a necessary trip to Taiwan? And although I anticipated that I cannot get back to the company, but when I went and pick my stuff up on Wednesday(1/25/2018, a week later), the treatment was not easy to endure. And the fact that Vic and Anne doesn't seem to want to meet really let me down as well. I talked to Jo on Wednesday(1/25/2018), Vic on Thursday(1/29/2018, giving me my computer on Target's parking lot). Every time I talked to them, I felt very heavy. I kept guessing what's that mean? Is that friendly or they were just saying things so I wont bother them no more? Mae was the only one that kept talking to me, through line or text.
It's kind surreal when I went back on Wednesday. I know I was not supposed to be there. I thought I just need to get 2 more things and also need to talk to Jo about my computer, then I will leave. Besides warehouse and Jo, nobody would know I came. I parked my car at back entrance. But when I stepped in warehouse, Vic was not there. Jose was there, in front of the computer, head bent down to look at his phone. He was surprised to see me. But he tactfully asked if John knew I was here. Then he said he would not tell on me. I found two toys of mine and stepped out to put them in my car. When I came back, Jose disappeared. I immediately guessed he went to get some people. But to me, it's alright, I went to find Jo. But in mid way, I turned back, I was afraid other people would see me. When I get back to the 1st bay door, I heard Jose, Lawrence, and George talking among themselves. They could not find me, George did peeked out the door and said my car was still there. The whole process was so surreal. I almost giggled. Jose is a survivor. Lawrence is Lawrence. But George?! Really? Although I understand his position, still could not contain a slight disappointment. At first I was thinking to play hide and seek with them but decided not to. I showed up and told them my purpose. Then I told them I still want to meet Vic, so I will wait in the car. After I stepped in the car,I saw Jo came out of the back and told me that John specifically announced me unwelcomed in the premises of the Company. So I left.
All these times, people asked what happened. Even when Jo saw me, she asked too. What's the reason I would go off like that. On the day I quit, on the way home, the only thing happened in my mind was the rage. My mother was one of the earliest victim of this rage. So was my sister. I kept going over and over in the scenario. I kept telling people, it's because of Jose's poor workmanship sparked this rage. I also kept telling people, Lawrence was the one who fueled my rage to the point to quitting. I even told Jo, I was disappointed in Vic's supervising, because Vic should already corrected Jose about some slacking off. But as I was showering at YMCA today(1/26/2018), something lighted up. For all these three years in the warehouse, I kept telling myself, how much tolerance Anne and Vic showed me. They are examples of tolerance throughout the years. Even with three years of experience, I still made a ridiculous shipping mistake at the end of last year. Only to be covered by Anne. Maybe Jose was slacking off, maybe Lawrence wasn't supposed to say those words. But upon seeing the boxes on the ground on that day, what was reason for such a rage? I am really tired of the job, it's true. But to put these whole thing on other people's shoulder would be a bigger mistake. I am the spark of the whole scenario. I have to bear the responsibility for the fallout. And I need to deal with this rage!
Friday, January 26, 2018
Thursday, January 25, 2018
I quit, 1
On 1/17/2018, I quit my job at Mascon. I am, and so are the people around me, still experiencing heavy fallout after a week. The scenario of that day will be described as follows:
------------ -------------- -------------- ------------------ ---------------
It was a Wednesday. The workload was supposed to be light. Vic did not come, I was told by Anne, due to health issue. Jose called at around 7am, asking if I could handle it, because he had dentist appointment and had to leave before 11am. I said okay.
In the previous day, we had a shipment came in. There contained many hot parts, need to be shipped right out. So I pulled the necessary amount out to satisfy the orders. Because of this, our first priority on Wednesday should be receiving the shipment, so Logistic could finish receiving, and Mae can invoice the sales. We had 30 warranty scopes to ship as well. This would be 2rd priority, should be enough to fulfill a day's work without exhaustion. That's how I started with my day, I planned out before I stepped in the Warehouse.
I vaguely remembered we started to work on receiving shipment at around 830am. By 930am, the receiving was more than half way done, 2 more pallets to separate and repalletize. Looking at the situation, Jose said to me, "Jack, you can go and do something else. Let me finish it, I will take my time with it." I looked at the clock and what's left, I agreed. By 10, I went to my usual break, ping pong with Harry and Ian. Walking pass by IQC, where Jose was working, he was not there. I assumed he was taking a break as well. After ping pong, I started another task, doing the second inventory count for last week. This should be a quick process if the equipment was working properly. But the computer broke down, even when fully charged. At that time, 1030, Jose came over and told me that he needed to leave for the dentist appointment. I asked him if the receiving was done. He said, "Yes, but there are still 1 or 2 parts that need to do. But that's it, if anything, we could just receive it on the computer now." Then he left.
Since my computer was restarting, I went and checked the receiving. By golly, it was not done at all! The last two pallets were spreadout on the floor! What did he do? Mae already came in twice to ask about the receive. I estimated that with 2 more helps, this could be done in 10 minutes though. So I went and asked 2 managers, Lawrence and Daniel to help out. They said alright, just wait 10 minutes. Okay. I went back and saw the things spread out on the floor. There was something inside of me exploded, I really went into berserk mode, started kicking and throwing boxes. Jo's cubic was right besides IQC, she must have heard the commotion and came to take a look. She immediately tried to calm me down, but I answered back in rude and explicit language. She tried to tell me to walk it off, but I responded with kicking boxes. So she left, after she left, however, I thought to myself, I needed to walk it off. I went out in the back and walked around the building once. Then I saw Lawrence peeking out the back door.
Lawrence and Daniel were both there. I stepped in Warehouse and proceed to IQC, with them following me. I told them what happened while I started working. Lawrence kept saying, "let's talk, Jack.", but I kept refusing. I wanted to finish the work, I said, with 3 of us, we could finished this in 10 minutes. Daniel concurred with me and asked what should he do here? (Daniel is new to the company). But with Lawrence's insist, he and I went to computer desk in Warehouse at Bay 1. He asked what happened, as I described what happened, he jotted down a few lines on his notepad. Then he raised his head and said, "Jack, you know I will fight for you, but John might fire you." He said with such air like this is trivial. There was second explosion in my chest, I immediately went blind. I said, "that's okay, if John wanted to fire me, I quit." I took my stuff, said goodbye to Harry, Ian, and Tom, and stormed out of there. Alex was playing with Kevin, our new operation director, just came in the day before. Alex followed me all the way to the parking lot, but I was already too mad, I threw my lunch on the ground. He picked up my hat and said, "Jack, your hat fell." I took it and left.
However, I turned back half way. There were more stuff I need to take home. When I went back, Lawrence and George came in the warehouse to watch me. I somehow still want to finish the work. I went back and put everything on the pallet. Before I could complete though, John came in. And asked me to his office. I went, and Alex was there. He said he had 2 options for me. I immediately told him, no, you don't. I want my paycheck for the workday. And I quit. He said let's remain in a friendly term...blah, blah, blah. Then I went back to IQC trying to complete whatever was left, but John followed me and said this is non of your business now. So I collected everything I could think of and left.
------------ -------------- -------------- ------------------ ---------------
It was a Wednesday. The workload was supposed to be light. Vic did not come, I was told by Anne, due to health issue. Jose called at around 7am, asking if I could handle it, because he had dentist appointment and had to leave before 11am. I said okay.
In the previous day, we had a shipment came in. There contained many hot parts, need to be shipped right out. So I pulled the necessary amount out to satisfy the orders. Because of this, our first priority on Wednesday should be receiving the shipment, so Logistic could finish receiving, and Mae can invoice the sales. We had 30 warranty scopes to ship as well. This would be 2rd priority, should be enough to fulfill a day's work without exhaustion. That's how I started with my day, I planned out before I stepped in the Warehouse.
I vaguely remembered we started to work on receiving shipment at around 830am. By 930am, the receiving was more than half way done, 2 more pallets to separate and repalletize. Looking at the situation, Jose said to me, "Jack, you can go and do something else. Let me finish it, I will take my time with it." I looked at the clock and what's left, I agreed. By 10, I went to my usual break, ping pong with Harry and Ian. Walking pass by IQC, where Jose was working, he was not there. I assumed he was taking a break as well. After ping pong, I started another task, doing the second inventory count for last week. This should be a quick process if the equipment was working properly. But the computer broke down, even when fully charged. At that time, 1030, Jose came over and told me that he needed to leave for the dentist appointment. I asked him if the receiving was done. He said, "Yes, but there are still 1 or 2 parts that need to do. But that's it, if anything, we could just receive it on the computer now." Then he left.
Since my computer was restarting, I went and checked the receiving. By golly, it was not done at all! The last two pallets were spreadout on the floor! What did he do? Mae already came in twice to ask about the receive. I estimated that with 2 more helps, this could be done in 10 minutes though. So I went and asked 2 managers, Lawrence and Daniel to help out. They said alright, just wait 10 minutes. Okay. I went back and saw the things spread out on the floor. There was something inside of me exploded, I really went into berserk mode, started kicking and throwing boxes. Jo's cubic was right besides IQC, she must have heard the commotion and came to take a look. She immediately tried to calm me down, but I answered back in rude and explicit language. She tried to tell me to walk it off, but I responded with kicking boxes. So she left, after she left, however, I thought to myself, I needed to walk it off. I went out in the back and walked around the building once. Then I saw Lawrence peeking out the back door.
Lawrence and Daniel were both there. I stepped in Warehouse and proceed to IQC, with them following me. I told them what happened while I started working. Lawrence kept saying, "let's talk, Jack.", but I kept refusing. I wanted to finish the work, I said, with 3 of us, we could finished this in 10 minutes. Daniel concurred with me and asked what should he do here? (Daniel is new to the company). But with Lawrence's insist, he and I went to computer desk in Warehouse at Bay 1. He asked what happened, as I described what happened, he jotted down a few lines on his notepad. Then he raised his head and said, "Jack, you know I will fight for you, but John might fire you." He said with such air like this is trivial. There was second explosion in my chest, I immediately went blind. I said, "that's okay, if John wanted to fire me, I quit." I took my stuff, said goodbye to Harry, Ian, and Tom, and stormed out of there. Alex was playing with Kevin, our new operation director, just came in the day before. Alex followed me all the way to the parking lot, but I was already too mad, I threw my lunch on the ground. He picked up my hat and said, "Jack, your hat fell." I took it and left.
However, I turned back half way. There were more stuff I need to take home. When I went back, Lawrence and George came in the warehouse to watch me. I somehow still want to finish the work. I went back and put everything on the pallet. Before I could complete though, John came in. And asked me to his office. I went, and Alex was there. He said he had 2 options for me. I immediately told him, no, you don't. I want my paycheck for the workday. And I quit. He said let's remain in a friendly term...blah, blah, blah. Then I went back to IQC trying to complete whatever was left, but John followed me and said this is non of your business now. So I collected everything I could think of and left.
Tuesday, December 12, 2017
Thoughts on Movies
I just saw Wonder woman, War of the planet Apes, and Big Sick, and blade runner director's cut on DVD.
I also saw blade runner 2 and Thor: Ragnarok in theaters with George a couple months ago.
The one I truly liked was Big Sick. The movie is a small time romantic and personal growth movie, set in real world. The movie did not shy away from conflict, which is the reason I think it's great. The subject includes tradition, religion, romance, etc... The subjects are quite close to my heart.
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Wonder Woman was not a bad movie. Some of the dialogues are quite endearing. I like Chris and Gal's chemistry. Chris is really a very talented actor, and Gal's more than enough to carry the character. I kept watching it to the end. For I wonder what's next? But when I really get into the end, I was a bit let down. The final show down was impressive. But the message of the movie from that showdown was pathetic.
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War of the planet apes. was fun to watch. But the leadership cliche started to get annoy me.
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Thor Ragnarok has some amazing fighting scenes. Some dialogue maybe funny, but most of it is starting to feel like an inside joke.
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I also saw blade runner 2 and Thor: Ragnarok in theaters with George a couple months ago.
The one I truly liked was Big Sick. The movie is a small time romantic and personal growth movie, set in real world. The movie did not shy away from conflict, which is the reason I think it's great. The subject includes tradition, religion, romance, etc... The subjects are quite close to my heart.
----------------------
Wonder Woman was not a bad movie. Some of the dialogues are quite endearing. I like Chris and Gal's chemistry. Chris is really a very talented actor, and Gal's more than enough to carry the character. I kept watching it to the end. For I wonder what's next? But when I really get into the end, I was a bit let down. The final show down was impressive. But the message of the movie from that showdown was pathetic.
----------------------
War of the planet apes. was fun to watch. But the leadership cliche started to get annoy me.
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Thor Ragnarok has some amazing fighting scenes. Some dialogue maybe funny, but most of it is starting to feel like an inside joke.
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Thursday, July 20, 2017
Words before sleep
Why am I still looking my spreadsheet? What is the purpose of this? I could be reading, writing, or do anything else.
I always felt weird about this world. Like this world and I were isolated by a thin film. In a way, This thin film might be something not awakened in my own heart.
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I always felt weird about this world. Like this world and I were isolated by a thin film. In a way, This thin film might be something not awakened in my own heart.
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Sunday, July 16, 2017
some thoughts
Some thoughts(7/15/2017)
Came to McDonalds for breakfast. Thinking of it for a long time. Wanted to bring a laptop and do some writing
as well. Somebody was calling me out of
the corner. I turned and saw Uncle and
Aunt with big smile. They went to
swimming early in the morning, came here for breakfast. They were going to NH for mall walk
afterwards. Aunt told me to download
Macdonald’s app, with coupons! :D I will do that!
I’ve been wanting to come to McDonalds’ and writing for sometime. Thoughts need to be materialized to see
clearly. Otherwise, the thoughts are
like my dreams. I don’t dream too much,
or at least I don’t remember most of them, except the girl I loved, but that only
lasts less a second.
Thoughts are so hard to catch. Catch and release, I need to release some
thoughts as well. But with this slow
tongue, only tune could be sung. I need
to express by typing. But even by
typing, the thoughts still can’t flow smooth and non-stop. I need to talk about something concrete at
first.
Last night
You must have no idea how happy I was to receive CJ’s
message. I drove back to Jo in frenzy,
heart racing, and speeding. I love that
girl. And yet, I can’t speak. I can’t act.
I can’t seem to do anything. The
thoughts of her only bring out the thoughts of jealousy, hopeless, and
worthless in me. I love her. The ultimate goal for love is not to own, but
to see her having a life of happiness, satisfaction, adventure, and peace of
mind.
I saw her when Harry left. She has worry all over her face(Harry drank,
I don’t know how much). I was jealous of
Harry. Very much so. I was so glad to see Tina there. I can feel the strength that she brought to
CJ. I was hoping to see Tina as
well. It seemed that CJ invited
Tina. Good girl. Tina is 7 months pregnant, but Tina is still
Tina! And Jake is still Jake! Loved it!
I am sorry, but by writing this, I am filled with all the
feeling I mentioned above.
I had some hard liquors last night. I was among CJ, Peiring, Jean, Tina, and
Jake, the last ones to leave last night.
Jo’s party was fun, especially with the Volleyball. But my goodness, some people’s shoulders were
hurt. It gave me a chill. I still want to play volleyball, but how
should I protect my shoulder?
I went to Jo’s house early, to help out a little. I get to help Jay, Jo’s hubby, to set up
volley net and boundary. I see a very
methodical way to set this up. Very
interesting! It’s almost like I was
running through Jay’s mind! It’s a
beautiful thing though. I like it! Every step was thought though. He and Jo are quite different. They may be called complementary couple? :p
They share something too though, otherwise, how would be they together? They are cute together!
CJ called earlier before I left the party to drive Mr. Wang
home. She was asking if we need cheese
for she’s buying some crackers. We found
some brie, and other cheese in the fridge.
I told her, it’s alright, we just need cracker. After I left Jo’s, I thought that I should
take the cheese out of the fridge. So I
called Jo about it. But she dismissed the
idea, for she thought there are enough snacks.
When I came back to the party, I saw a board of small
crumbling of cheese. I was glee.
Warehouse
I felt Vic was laughing at me. He made a joke about me still staying after I
said I wanted to leave so many times. I
felt both frustrated and comical as well.
Frustrated, because, I want to leave, badly. But the fear of leaving was great as
well. I don’t have a job in place
yet. Although I know I can work, but
there are still many left to be desired.
I also wanted to go back to school.
I will have to choose. To make a
choice.
It’s funny because I am the
least useful person there. Anybody left
would leave a big hole right now, except me.
I am a clerk working in warehouse, where hard labor was needed, and
consistency count. All the computer work
I did there will be replaced by barcode.
Any clerical job I did there would be automated, or filled by a high
school student.
Am I putting myself down?
I think so. But how should I
describe my role in the company? IT is
working invisibly; what he did was a mystery to me. But sitting in that tiny
room is like sitting in a prison to me, and when computer go awry, everybody is
looking at IT like, what the hell… The
engineers working day and night, in a literal sense, including weekends. Logistics is working overtime almost every
day. And I heard something called, drop
shipments, another mystery to me… Customer
service connects the company and customer directly day in and day out. Not to mention how much Anne is an integral organic
part of logistic, accounting, and warehouse as well!! The accounting watch over everything, pouring
through each transaction, not just big cost from factory, or late cash from
customers, small details including shipping cost of 1 package as well! Vic and Jose are working on designing and
executing floor plan, shipping and receiving, general warehouse maintenance. Bosses, well, they are doing major business
decisions that would affect the lives of all above mentioned. How do I fit in the whole scheme?
For three years, I worked with Vic on floor plan as well,
but I could only use my muscle. Did I
mention muscle? I don’t have too
much. I worked with Vic, who mentioned
one day after meeting with Alex that we need to do inventory count every time
when we are picking Enidine. At first I
designed a very simple spreadsheet. We
printed it out on paper and record each transaction. We started doing that around the four quarter of 2015. After Aaron came to warehouse, in March 2016,
we got new toys, 2 Chrome books. I found
out about Google Sheets. It was a
powerful tool for real time collaboration.
I designed a simple spread sheet in Google Sheets. But alas, I drop the ball after I came back
from my vocation after July in terms of keeping with inventory. Everything seemed to speed up, more container
were coming in, more ocean shipments were coming in, and plus new parts and big
QTY at the end of year. On top of that, Polysher
and other 3D parts were ramping up as well, although Aaron tried his best to
accommodate warehouse by implementing bar code system, quick, centralized
shipping labels, and new toys. But between
shipping and receiving, inventory maintenance, and general Warehouse
Maintenance and something extra, the whole thing was blown out of
proportion. I was slow to realize how
frenzy was for the Warehouse, until Jo started to hire the temps, I finally had
to admit, and there were so much we were not able to do before temps. Starting last quarter 2016, Vic was working
on new floor plan, we tried a few things, ATW, Valencia changed locations a few
times. Enidine shelf had new
makeover. So were Polysher and other 3D
things. I tried to streamline all the
paperwork, including inventory sheet, packing list, pallet tags, pallet address
stickers. I was a very slow with excel,
even slower in decision making. Bob, our
IT gave me tremendous help on the sheet, he put real time inventory on the
sheet, which I believe is the quickest way to get accurate WOB and IQC
QTY. From this perspective, I did not
really make the sheet, Bob did! I
designed packing list for Enidine. I am
trying to use packing list on Sigcom as well.
That sheet was helped by CJ in the beginning.
I wish I could do more.
And to tell the truth, I want to feel that I did something. But from the above paragraph, I did design
one sheet, packing list. But by golly,
CJ could do this in less than one sitting…
And right now, a new challenge came up for the packing list which I did
not see a way to defeat it yet. I am
thinking…Bob!!!! When can we standardize
QTY per box???
I just asked Bob to see if he could reduce steps in making
the inventory sheet. Because I was
trying to teach both Vic and Jose to do the sheet, but I just found out, to
make the sheet, it takes at least 12 steps!!
One thing I learned from these 3 years working in warehouse, anything
that could be consistently done has to be easy enough to do, to access, and to
repeat. If the procedure is to remain 12
steps, I am not sure this will continue effectively.
At the end, did I put myself down? I work in warehouse, I do shipping and
receiving; I hope I am a good auxiliary to Vic; I did a lot of transfers, lost
a lot of transfer papers as well; I designed 2 spreadsheets to help warehouse,
inventory sheet, with help of Bob, and packing list, which soon to be
obsolete. Maybe I could pull myself up a
little. I don’t have to feel so
worthless, this is just a job, not enough to make a living, but to structure my
life around it. It is like last night,
Tina kept telling me, I like to hustle in the volleyball. I do like to hustle, I told her that this is
the only thing I could do on volleyball court, I could sense she needs to find
words to answer me. I guess my words are
meant to be humble, but people are scrambling to find words to reply. I will say it again here, like Michele once
said, I was only doing chores around warehouse.
Yes, hustling is all I really did.
I looked like a busybody, running around like crazy. But I do say, working with every department
is a pleasure. I do get something in
doing that!
(But frankly, I don’t give a damn. I just wish I could talk to her, make her
relaxed, and I relaxed by her side as well.
I want to play with her, to caress her, just to be with her in general
and feeling calm about it.)
I wrote the above sentences before I can really put my last assessment
on the (putting down section). To give
an assessment somehow put my uneasy. I
guess I wrote this paragraph to comfort myself.
I still want her though. Very very
much so.
Tuesday, July 11, 2017
睡前的靜思 四
媽媽曾說我把自己評得很低賤,所以總是希望得到別人的肯定. 我今天一直在想這句話. 原因就不用贅敘. 我覺得這句話有道理.
但是, 我今天實在不想在自己裏面兜圈子... 算了. 就算有道理又怎樣?
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最近看了一本書, Everybody Lies: Big Data, New Data, and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Really Are. 沒看完, 看了個大概. 大體上就是說, 現在 google 和其他網上, 或著電腦收集的資料, 可以讓社會學家真的變成一們科學. 這個原因就是, 人們在網上絲毫不掩飾自己. 即使他們的言詞依然閃爍, 他們卻會用滑鼠點擊, 或者 google 搜尋來展現真實的自己.
很有趣. 可以再借一次.
----------------------------------------------------
我還是在醉生夢死.
-----------------------------------------------------
想要知道自己在 Yang's fitness 待了多久... 有無十年...
----------------------------------------------------
我在想那些我要放棄, 哪些我要堅持... 現在我要放棄上網, 我要堅持睡覺!!!!!!!!!!
但是, 我今天實在不想在自己裏面兜圈子... 算了. 就算有道理又怎樣?
------------------------------------------------------
最近看了一本書, Everybody Lies: Big Data, New Data, and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Really Are. 沒看完, 看了個大概. 大體上就是說, 現在 google 和其他網上, 或著電腦收集的資料, 可以讓社會學家真的變成一們科學. 這個原因就是, 人們在網上絲毫不掩飾自己. 即使他們的言詞依然閃爍, 他們卻會用滑鼠點擊, 或者 google 搜尋來展現真實的自己.
很有趣. 可以再借一次.
----------------------------------------------------
我還是在醉生夢死.
-----------------------------------------------------
想要知道自己在 Yang's fitness 待了多久... 有無十年...
----------------------------------------------------
我在想那些我要放棄, 哪些我要堅持... 現在我要放棄上網, 我要堅持睡覺!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, June 15, 2017
睡前的靜思 三
今天早上, 公司有里民大會. 我看到 CJ , 我整個大會裏, 越來越難過. 我只想大聲的和她說我愛她. 只想把她揣在懷裡.看到她坐在哈利旁邊.我很難受.忌妒就好像赤焰一樣.我痛恨這種感覺.我最近不斷的想,如果我可以跟哈利一樣..就好了.看到他們倆在一起合作無間,我很痛苦.非常非常痛苦.我想自殺.我真的很想很想自殺.我完全不懂我為什麼要這樣受苦.我祈禱 CJ 有一個很好的朋友. 她倆很合, 無論是智商, 行為, 言語. 我懂她喜歡這種人. 我只是很希望自己是這種人.... 而我不是. 我很想自殺.
我討厭以上的想法... 一整天, 就只想逃避, 放棄.很多事在我都很容易放棄.唯獨這個...我真的不知道要怎麼辦.
我大概累了. 去睡吧. 反正每天都一樣.
我討厭以上的想法... 一整天, 就只想逃避, 放棄.很多事在我都很容易放棄.唯獨這個...我真的不知道要怎麼辦.
我大概累了. 去睡吧. 反正每天都一樣.
Sunday, June 04, 2017
臨睡前的靜思 二
今天去又去打桌球了. 第三次吧. 一次都還沒有贏過. 不過還是打了好幾場. 我滿需要熱身的. 第一場球就和一個很厲害的中國人打. 很慘的. 他的反手實在很厲害. 用正手板...
和另一個人打, 他的發球我怎麼就是不能打回去... 都是側旋... 還和一個七十二歲的人打, 打了兩場,都輸了... lol
打完球, 出來一看, 下雨了. 我還滿高興的.
------------------------------
早上起床仍然困難. 早上做完瑜珈後, 淋浴時, 在想, 要怎樣使我自己起床, 輕鬆容易... 不費力氣, 不傷心, 不留戀... 我有時候故意去看格鬥的影片. 因為這樣使我感覺想要競爭. 我覺得我始終都很想競爭. 但是, 當我可以贏的時候, 不知道為何, 總是缺臨門一腳. 我看那些影片, 只是想激勵自己... le sigh...
-----------------------------
耶穌說, 他的擔子是輕省的. 他的擔子是啥?
-----------------------------
現在寫的這些, 感覺很不完整. 跟昨晚相比, 話說的很不清. 可惜.
和另一個人打, 他的發球我怎麼就是不能打回去... 都是側旋... 還和一個七十二歲的人打, 打了兩場,都輸了... lol
打完球, 出來一看, 下雨了. 我還滿高興的.
------------------------------
早上起床仍然困難. 早上做完瑜珈後, 淋浴時, 在想, 要怎樣使我自己起床, 輕鬆容易... 不費力氣, 不傷心, 不留戀... 我有時候故意去看格鬥的影片. 因為這樣使我感覺想要競爭. 我覺得我始終都很想競爭. 但是, 當我可以贏的時候, 不知道為何, 總是缺臨門一腳. 我看那些影片, 只是想激勵自己... le sigh...
-----------------------------
耶穌說, 他的擔子是輕省的. 他的擔子是啥?
-----------------------------
現在寫的這些, 感覺很不完整. 跟昨晚相比, 話說的很不清. 可惜.
臨睡前的靜思
When I wake each morning, I feel terrible. Truly terrible. Feeling lonely, no expectation, or just plain lonely. I would think of her. Not really thinking thinking, just have a picture of her from previous moments when I saw her, or hear her. Usually, with other people. And it doesn't matter what they were doing, or how she interacted with them. I have this insane jealousy and inadequacy. This gave me a lot of sleepless night. I could not get back to sleep. I do not know what to do. I want to see her, or hear her in my head. If it's love, it should
motivates me. But it only gave me sadness! In sadness, there is no
power in me. Energy sacked. Memory lost. So then, I know, the feeling
for her, must not be love. It is those obsession that because I can't
have it, my thoughts stock on it.
So I am here to prepare myself. I want myself to remember something, maybe it's some memory that would make me happy; maybe it's some words I've seen that worth re-uttering. And if her imagine came up again, tell myself, I love her, I love her, let me be clear about it. Treasure this feeling, but let it motivates me throughout the day. Because, she's enduring the real hardship. Not me. She is doing something for her love. I, need to learn how to love! I need to learn! So the first thing, is to let it go. Let the obsession go. Learn to love, let the obsession go.
榕. 今天你和你的朋友忙了一整天. 希望你睡好. 做個好夢. 我是這樣希望的. 明天, 我知道你總是好好過日子. 我, 要學著如何過我的日子. Sofiya 提醒了我. 我得學會. 謝謝你的出現.
Learn to love, let the obsession go!
So I am here to prepare myself. I want myself to remember something, maybe it's some memory that would make me happy; maybe it's some words I've seen that worth re-uttering. And if her imagine came up again, tell myself, I love her, I love her, let me be clear about it. Treasure this feeling, but let it motivates me throughout the day. Because, she's enduring the real hardship. Not me. She is doing something for her love. I, need to learn how to love! I need to learn! So the first thing, is to let it go. Let the obsession go. Learn to love, let the obsession go.
榕. 今天你和你的朋友忙了一整天. 希望你睡好. 做個好夢. 我是這樣希望的. 明天, 我知道你總是好好過日子. 我, 要學著如何過我的日子. Sofiya 提醒了我. 我得學會. 謝謝你的出現.
Learn to love, let the obsession go!
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
My thoughts on Movies
Hacksaw Ridge:
I had high hope before watching Hacksaw Ridge. But it underwhelmed a little. I probably was hoping for something like Passion of Christ. HR gave me a feeling more similar to Apocalypto. It was a well made movie, there were some very good moving scene, but at the end, I could not feel the impact.
The battle scenes were quite big. But the impact was different from Saving Private Ryan, since the advertisement kept comparing HR to Saving Private Ryan. Since HR was really more about one individual's struggle. That struggle is very unique.
I don't feel the movie is a great religious movie. It's more of personal conviction thing. I am quite moved by the father's effort to help his son. I find it impressive that this conscience objector would choose to go to the war without weapon. Maybe it's showed uniqueness of USA.
------------------------------
Jason Bourne
I did not think this would be too great. But it turned out alright. I guess, expectation does make the viewing a bit different.
The action sequence of car chases were simply amazing. I watched the feature, in which I agree that by putting a lot of computer technology in the movie, it made the movie more relevant to today's world, comparing to the last installment 10 years ago. I liked the plot quite a bit. The female antagonist was very adequate, her ambivalence was hard to grasp. Tom Lee Jones' role however, was compromised. I felt it's role here is repetitive. His death is meaningless, the evilness he represented here is shallow at the best. Whenever Jason and CIA director interacted, I felt I was watching soap opera... repetitive and monotonous.
The movie was pretty good though. The ending to me was quite satisfying. It actually made me looking forward to the next one... if there is any...
I had high hope before watching Hacksaw Ridge. But it underwhelmed a little. I probably was hoping for something like Passion of Christ. HR gave me a feeling more similar to Apocalypto. It was a well made movie, there were some very good moving scene, but at the end, I could not feel the impact.
The battle scenes were quite big. But the impact was different from Saving Private Ryan, since the advertisement kept comparing HR to Saving Private Ryan. Since HR was really more about one individual's struggle. That struggle is very unique.
I don't feel the movie is a great religious movie. It's more of personal conviction thing. I am quite moved by the father's effort to help his son. I find it impressive that this conscience objector would choose to go to the war without weapon. Maybe it's showed uniqueness of USA.
------------------------------
Jason Bourne
I did not think this would be too great. But it turned out alright. I guess, expectation does make the viewing a bit different.
The action sequence of car chases were simply amazing. I watched the feature, in which I agree that by putting a lot of computer technology in the movie, it made the movie more relevant to today's world, comparing to the last installment 10 years ago. I liked the plot quite a bit. The female antagonist was very adequate, her ambivalence was hard to grasp. Tom Lee Jones' role however, was compromised. I felt it's role here is repetitive. His death is meaningless, the evilness he represented here is shallow at the best. Whenever Jason and CIA director interacted, I felt I was watching soap opera... repetitive and monotonous.
The movie was pretty good though. The ending to me was quite satisfying. It actually made me looking forward to the next one... if there is any...
Sunday, May 28, 2017
伊於胡底
這是有一回, 媽媽從舅舅家回來之後, 媽媽說的.
仔細情況怎樣, 我有點忘了. 好像是, 那一天外公的情況不是很好. 顯得有點糊塗. 媽媽起床和舅舅講述前晚的情形. 講著講著, 媽媽感覺真是的莫可奈何. 於是就說了一句, "伊於胡底". 舅舅聽不懂.
媽媽回來問我. 我也沒聽過. 媽媽雖然知道意思和來源, 卻有點忘記典故了. 於是我們就一起上網查.
來源是詩經的一段:
詩經小雅谷風小旻中的一段原文：
潝潝訿訿，
亦孔之哀。
謀之其臧，
則具是違。
謀之不臧，
則具是依。
我視謀猶，
伊于胡底？
--------------------------------------------
全文
詩經·小雅·小旻之什·小旻
旻天疾威，敷於下土。謀猶回遹，何日斯沮？謀臧不從，不臧覆用。我視謀猶，亦孔之邛。
不敢暴虎，不敢馮河。人知其一，莫知其他。戰戰兢兢，如臨深淵，如履薄冰。
翻譯:
蒼天蒼天太暴虐，災難降臨我國界。朝廷策謀真僻邪，不知何時能止歇。善謀良策難聽從，歪門邪道反不絕。我看朝廷的謀劃，確是弊病太多些。
小人嘰喳攻異己，是非不分我悲淒。若有什麼好謀略，他們全都不肯依。若有什麼壞計策，他們全都會同意。我看朝廷的謀劃，不知弄到何境地。
占蔔靈龜已厭倦，謀劃再不向我談。謀臣策士實在多，就是沒有好意見。議論紛紛滿庭中，指出弊病有誰敢！就像謀劃要遠行，真到路上沒效驗。
如此謀劃我悲痛，古聖先賢不效法，常規大道不遵從。近僻之言王愛聽，膚淺之見紛聚訟。就像宮室建路上，當然不會穫成功。
國家雖然沒法度，人有聰明有糊塗。人民雖然不富足，還有明哲有善謀，有能治國有嚴肅。就像長流那泉水，不讓衰敗與陳腐！
不敢空手打虎去，不敢徒步過河行。人們隻知這危險，不知其他災禍臨。面對政局我戰兢，就像面臨深深淵，就像腳踏薄薄冰。
仔細情況怎樣, 我有點忘了. 好像是, 那一天外公的情況不是很好. 顯得有點糊塗. 媽媽起床和舅舅講述前晚的情形. 講著講著, 媽媽感覺真是的莫可奈何. 於是就說了一句, "伊於胡底". 舅舅聽不懂.
媽媽回來問我. 我也沒聽過. 媽媽雖然知道意思和來源, 卻有點忘記典故了. 於是我們就一起上網查.
來源是詩經的一段:
詩經小雅谷風小旻中的一段原文：
潝潝訿訿，
亦孔之哀。
謀之其臧，
則具是違。
謀之不臧，
則具是依。
我視謀猶，
伊于胡底？
--------------------------------------------
全文
詩經·小雅·小旻之什·小旻
旻天疾威，敷於下土。謀猶回遹，何日斯沮？謀臧不從，不臧覆用。我視謀猶，亦孔之邛。
潝潝訿訿，亦孔之哀。謀之其臧，則具是違。謀之不臧，則具是依。我視謀猶，伊於胡厎？
我龜既厭，不我告猶。謀夫孔多，是用不集。發言盈庭，誰敢執其咎？如匪行邁謀，是用不得於道。
哀哉爲猶！匪先民是程，匪大猶是經。維邇言是聽，維邇言是爭。如彼築室於道謀，是用不潰於成。
國雖靡止，或聖或否。民雖靡膴，或哲或謀，或肅或艾。如彼泉流，無淪胥以敗。
翻譯:
蒼天蒼天太暴虐，災難降臨我國界。朝廷策謀真僻邪，不知何時能止歇。善謀良策難聽從，歪門邪道反不絕。我看朝廷的謀劃，確是弊病太多些。
小人嘰喳攻異己，是非不分我悲淒。若有什麼好謀略，他們全都不肯依。若有什麼壞計策，他們全都會同意。我看朝廷的謀劃，不知弄到何境地。
占蔔靈龜已厭倦，謀劃再不向我談。謀臣策士實在多，就是沒有好意見。議論紛紛滿庭中，指出弊病有誰敢！就像謀劃要遠行，真到路上沒效驗。
如此謀劃我悲痛，古聖先賢不效法，常規大道不遵從。近僻之言王愛聽，膚淺之見紛聚訟。就像宮室建路上，當然不會穫成功。
國家雖然沒法度，人有聰明有糊塗。人民雖然不富足，還有明哲有善謀，有能治國有嚴肅。就像長流那泉水，不讓衰敗與陳腐！
不敢空手打虎去，不敢徒步過河行。人們隻知這危險，不知其他災禍臨。面對政局我戰兢，就像面臨深深淵，就像腳踏薄薄冰。
(錄自: http: // www.zwbk.org/MyLemmaShow.aspx?zh=zh-tw&lid=7865 1
Saturday, May 27, 2017
a quote i saw at a flower shop
When I saw you
I fell in love,
and you smiled
because you knew.
it was credited to Shakespeare, but in reality it should be credited to an Italian play by Arrigo Boito who wrote the play based on "the merry wives of windsor", by Shakespear.
The original phrase in Italian is :
Come ti vidi
M’innamorai,
E tu sorridi
Perchè lo sai.
Just some fun facts.
--------------------------------
Today was really nice. I hope 榕, 如果去工作, 希望有機會可以跟 Harry 他們去玩玩.
--------------------------------
I felt that I worked all day. Cleaning, Gluing refrigerator door shelf, Warehouse labels by connecting excel with word. But just by listing them, I only worked half day really. And they were mostly chores, which is necessary, nothing extra... But the feeling of working all day seemed to make chores important and heavy load. they are illusion though... le sigh.
-------------------------------
I fell in love,
and you smiled
because you knew.
it was credited to Shakespeare, but in reality it should be credited to an Italian play by Arrigo Boito who wrote the play based on "the merry wives of windsor", by Shakespear.
The original phrase in Italian is :
Come ti vidi
M’innamorai,
E tu sorridi
Perchè lo sai.
Just some fun facts.
--------------------------------
Today was really nice. I hope 榕, 如果去工作, 希望有機會可以跟 Harry 他們去玩玩.
--------------------------------
I felt that I worked all day. Cleaning, Gluing refrigerator door shelf, Warehouse labels by connecting excel with word. But just by listing them, I only worked half day really. And they were mostly chores, which is necessary, nothing extra... But the feeling of working all day seemed to make chores important and heavy load. they are illusion though... le sigh.
-------------------------------
Thursday, May 25, 2017
What's going on
What is happening:
1. I just finished medical interpreter certificate program. Passed the exam. Preparing to get my resume done over the weekend. And prepare to find other job as well. Any job will do.
2. Having temps in the warehouse since early this year. It's not easy to find a permanent worker from temps... We have 2 temps, been working close to 3 months now. They are young and unruly sometimes. I felt Vic likes them though. I bet he's lonely and bored these 3 years. lol le sigh...
3. Just had a quick thought, constantly thinking about work and CJ is maybe a blanket, a disguise to cover the real issue, which I do not want to face and challenge myself. Being sad was a good excuse to give up. I am very lonely though... That loneliness maybe caused by my greed... Don't go that way now...
4. I find myself at a constant pickle. I could not find enough time to finish what I wish to finish at work... Kept distracted by small things. Both Jose and Chris, both the temps, mentioned that I would stop communicating at some point, maybe during a conversation, or explaining something... Did I lose concentration? I felt I was doing a lot of self correction internally. How Do I stop that?
5. I always thought I was not bad at communicating. But after these 3 years, I found I am really bad at it. Jumpy is what Harry described me, in terms of reaction. Stop the conversation mid way through a explanation, that's what Jose was telling me today. Chris told me communication was the key, a month ago. Temps might mean half jokingly. But I consider it's a serious concern. Internalizing too much. After the filter, there's not much coming out. Or what came out is broken, unclear, no connection, make no sense. Have to let the river f low. But I want to be proper and accurate.
6. I've seen Vic teaching those temps, very thorough, slow, and detailed. He will state his thought, to the point and repeatedly. But he did not shy away from tongue lashing either.
7. Today, I sinked into sofa at 7, went up stairs and watched porn and masturbated once. The whole time, I was watching myself. It was a really weird process. When I went to sofa, I was meant to rest a little. Although I did not have a clear goal of what's to do next. Then I started to read manga, until 830. Then somehow I felt horny... le sigh. I want to let this feeling subside, watched clips, and release. Right after the action, I regretted. But what is there I could do? My question is why did I not rest as I intended? I consider that a key question. Rest, pal... The more I sat idly without rest, the restless I would become.
8. I want to learn to love. I do not want to be sad. When I think of 榕, I felt sad. When I talked to her, I almost always express my concern of her well being. I do worry. But I want to my presence or my memory to be a happy one, which could bring smile on her face. If there's a memory to start with. I want to love, not sad.
9. From now on, if I was on sofa, I sleep. Or anything with a time limit. Otherwise, like reading, watching youtube, using computer, etc, doing them in front of my desk or dining table.
10. Write a personal work list when I enter Warehouse. Finished them is my priority, not whatever I wrote on the white board.
11. Construct a letter through out the working house in Warehouse, addressed to my mother, or Noz, or whatever. Find topic to talk. Practice. I need to learn to talk.
12.
1. I just finished medical interpreter certificate program. Passed the exam. Preparing to get my resume done over the weekend. And prepare to find other job as well. Any job will do.
2. Having temps in the warehouse since early this year. It's not easy to find a permanent worker from temps... We have 2 temps, been working close to 3 months now. They are young and unruly sometimes. I felt Vic likes them though. I bet he's lonely and bored these 3 years. lol le sigh...
3. Just had a quick thought, constantly thinking about work and CJ is maybe a blanket, a disguise to cover the real issue, which I do not want to face and challenge myself. Being sad was a good excuse to give up. I am very lonely though... That loneliness maybe caused by my greed... Don't go that way now...
4. I find myself at a constant pickle. I could not find enough time to finish what I wish to finish at work... Kept distracted by small things. Both Jose and Chris, both the temps, mentioned that I would stop communicating at some point, maybe during a conversation, or explaining something... Did I lose concentration? I felt I was doing a lot of self correction internally. How Do I stop that?
5. I always thought I was not bad at communicating. But after these 3 years, I found I am really bad at it. Jumpy is what Harry described me, in terms of reaction. Stop the conversation mid way through a explanation, that's what Jose was telling me today. Chris told me communication was the key, a month ago. Temps might mean half jokingly. But I consider it's a serious concern. Internalizing too much. After the filter, there's not much coming out. Or what came out is broken, unclear, no connection, make no sense. Have to let the river f low. But I want to be proper and accurate.
6. I've seen Vic teaching those temps, very thorough, slow, and detailed. He will state his thought, to the point and repeatedly. But he did not shy away from tongue lashing either.
7. Today, I sinked into sofa at 7, went up stairs and watched porn and masturbated once. The whole time, I was watching myself. It was a really weird process. When I went to sofa, I was meant to rest a little. Although I did not have a clear goal of what's to do next. Then I started to read manga, until 830. Then somehow I felt horny... le sigh. I want to let this feeling subside, watched clips, and release. Right after the action, I regretted. But what is there I could do? My question is why did I not rest as I intended? I consider that a key question. Rest, pal... The more I sat idly without rest, the restless I would become.
8. I want to learn to love. I do not want to be sad. When I think of 榕, I felt sad. When I talked to her, I almost always express my concern of her well being. I do worry. But I want to my presence or my memory to be a happy one, which could bring smile on her face. If there's a memory to start with. I want to love, not sad.
9. From now on, if I was on sofa, I sleep. Or anything with a time limit. Otherwise, like reading, watching youtube, using computer, etc, doing them in front of my desk or dining table.
10. Write a personal work list when I enter Warehouse. Finished them is my priority, not whatever I wrote on the white board.
11. Construct a letter through out the working house in Warehouse, addressed to my mother, or Noz, or whatever. Find topic to talk. Practice. I need to learn to talk.
12.
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Tuesday, April 04, 2017
Random thoughts
Even now, 5:38 am, alone with my cat, I am still hiding. I am lying to myself. But what is that you want me to do? I already admit my crime, Crimes! What is this constant attack for?
---------------------------
no consistency
--------------------------
榕
------------------------
榕
-------------------------
Warehouse exit strategy:
part time
improve any computer operations
3D Model of Warehouse
Map of Warehouse
-------------------------
榕
-------------------------
---------------------------
no consistency
--------------------------
榕
------------------------
榕
-------------------------
Warehouse exit strategy:
part time
improve any computer operations
3D Model of Warehouse
Map of Warehouse
-------------------------
榕
-------------------------
When you are old
When you are old
william butler yeats
------------
william butler yeats
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.------------
- 莫文蔚
- 當你老了
作詞：william butler yeats, 趙照
作曲：趙照
當你老了 頭髮白了 睡意昏沉
當你老了 走不動了
爐火旁打盹 回憶青春
多少人曾愛你 青春歡暢的時辰
愛慕你的美麗 假意或真心
只有一個人 還愛你虔誠的靈魂
愛你蒼老的臉上 的皺紋
當你老了 眼眉低垂
燈火 昏黃不定
風吹過來 你的消息
這就是我心裡的歌
當你老了 眼眉低垂
燈火 昏黃不定
當我老了 我真希望
這首歌是唱給你的
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
兩首詩 Pushkin
I loved you
I loved you, and I probably still do.
And for a while, my feeling may remain...
But let my love no longer trouble you,
I do not wish to cause you any pain.
I loved you, and the hopelessness I knew,
The jealousy, the shyness - though in vain -
Made up a love so tender and so true
As may God grant you to be loved again.
(Original Russian:
I loved you, and I probably still do.
And for a while, my feeling may remain...
But let my love no longer trouble you,
I do not wish to cause you any pain.
I loved you, and the hopelessness I knew,
The jealousy, the shyness - though in vain -
Made up a love so tender and so true
As may God grant you to be loved again.
(Original Russian:
Я вас любил: любовь еще, быть может В душе моей угасла не совсем; Но пусть она вас больше не тревожит; Я не хочу печалить вас ничем. Я вас любил безмолвно, безнадежно, То робостью, то ревностью томим; Я вас любил так искренно, так нежно, Как дай вам бог любимой быть другим.)
-------------------------
Night
My voice, to which love lend a tenderness and yearning,
Disturb night's dreamy calm... Pale at my bedside burning,
A taper wastes away... From out my heart there surge
Stift verses, streams of love, that hum and sing and merge.
And, full of you, rush on, with passion overflowing.
I seemed to see your eyes that, in the darkness glowing,
Meet mine... I see your smile... You speak to me alone,
My friend, my dearest friend...I'm yours...your own.
(Original Russian:
Ночь
Мой голос для тебя и ласковый и томный
Тревожит поздное молчанье ночи темной.
Близ ложа моего печальная свеча
Горит; мои стихи, сливаясь и журча,
Текут, ручьи любви, текут, полны тобою.
Во тьме твои глаза блистают предо мною,
Мне улыбаются, и звуки слышу я:
Мой друг, мой нежный друг... люблю... твоя... твоя!... )
---------------
Both from Chocolate wraps... :)
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Thoughts on movies
captain fantastic:
a movie about a father leads his children with his ideal, living in the woods, hunting, farming... far far away from other people, and outside world, until his wife's death...
A very fun movie to watch. Conflicts happened within family, with father's sister's family, with in laws. One of the best scenes was when the father and father's sister trying to explain the death of the wife, that scene was brilliant! But what came out for me was the togetherness of the father's family and the independent of each individual in the family. Most of all though, the movie showed love, through children's tolerance of their father, sister's never waiver effort in talking to the father, and father's decisions in making compromise in the end. I love this movie.
---------------
Only Yesterday,
a movie about a Japanese lady realizing her love of countryside, and a man on a journey while she recalling a lot of her memory at 10 years old. it is an anime by 宮騎駿.
This movie is slow and delicate. it showed many detail in little girl's life, her first time having pineapple, first period, first and last time, her father slapped her. The independence of this lady was overwhelming. From her youth, she is different. The pacing of the movie was slow for me. But because of the protagonist's uniqueness, I was very much engaged the whole time. Japanese anime really is different from other world's cartoons. The extreme thoughtful setup, like many of the memory sequence was delicately portrayed. The blurred line and blank space, was really a nice way to express a certain memory. The narrative of a mature woman and a young girl seemed to be a continued line without too much interruption. Even at age 27, the lady does not have boy friend, spent her vacation working as a farmer in a countryside... The music in the movie was special as well, they used a lot of periodical music in japan. I loved that! I loved the ending as well.
----------------
The edge of seventeen
It is a movie about a 17 year girl, with her best friend and her brother together, felt a crisis on hand.
I loved this movie. The narrative was purely from that girl's perspective, how she felt, what she saw, what did she do...etc. I wanted to watch this movie because of woody harrelson. but what i saw was way beyond him. a refreshing script, and great acting. The movie showed by her perspective. But without being one sided. The actress in the movie was purely fantastic, grasped the character's mood really well.
----------------
Logan
i went to theater in the morning, expecting little crowd. It was filled up! Last portrayal of wolverine by hugh jackman.
The movie was gritty, real, and filled with emotion. I heard one of the review said it's like the new batman movie! I whole heartedly agreed. I do not know why I love this movie. The hero was beat down to the ground, the air of hopeless was immense. Yet, the emotion between professor X, Wolverine, and the girl was such a plot to lure me in!
I love this movie.
a movie about a father leads his children with his ideal, living in the woods, hunting, farming... far far away from other people, and outside world, until his wife's death...
A very fun movie to watch. Conflicts happened within family, with father's sister's family, with in laws. One of the best scenes was when the father and father's sister trying to explain the death of the wife, that scene was brilliant! But what came out for me was the togetherness of the father's family and the independent of each individual in the family. Most of all though, the movie showed love, through children's tolerance of their father, sister's never waiver effort in talking to the father, and father's decisions in making compromise in the end. I love this movie.
---------------
Only Yesterday,
a movie about a Japanese lady realizing her love of countryside, and a man on a journey while she recalling a lot of her memory at 10 years old. it is an anime by 宮騎駿.
This movie is slow and delicate. it showed many detail in little girl's life, her first time having pineapple, first period, first and last time, her father slapped her. The independence of this lady was overwhelming. From her youth, she is different. The pacing of the movie was slow for me. But because of the protagonist's uniqueness, I was very much engaged the whole time. Japanese anime really is different from other world's cartoons. The extreme thoughtful setup, like many of the memory sequence was delicately portrayed. The blurred line and blank space, was really a nice way to express a certain memory. The narrative of a mature woman and a young girl seemed to be a continued line without too much interruption. Even at age 27, the lady does not have boy friend, spent her vacation working as a farmer in a countryside... The music in the movie was special as well, they used a lot of periodical music in japan. I loved that! I loved the ending as well.
----------------
The edge of seventeen
It is a movie about a 17 year girl, with her best friend and her brother together, felt a crisis on hand.
I loved this movie. The narrative was purely from that girl's perspective, how she felt, what she saw, what did she do...etc. I wanted to watch this movie because of woody harrelson. but what i saw was way beyond him. a refreshing script, and great acting. The movie showed by her perspective. But without being one sided. The actress in the movie was purely fantastic, grasped the character's mood really well.
----------------
Logan
i went to theater in the morning, expecting little crowd. It was filled up! Last portrayal of wolverine by hugh jackman.
The movie was gritty, real, and filled with emotion. I heard one of the review said it's like the new batman movie! I whole heartedly agreed. I do not know why I love this movie. The hero was beat down to the ground, the air of hopeless was immense. Yet, the emotion between professor X, Wolverine, and the girl was such a plot to lure me in!
I love this movie.
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Homework 2
運動與我
今天和小瑋通電話. 電話裏,他認為自己是如此的重視健康, 很注意吃得好, 也稍微有些運動. 效果卻沒有和付出的努力成正比. 小瑋對於健康老出毛病, 很懊惱.
---------------------------------------------
我常常對媽媽說, 我有甚麼好的, 都是媽媽努力的結果. 我會騎腳踏車, 會游泳, 會打桌球, 籃球, 等等的運動, 我母親都是後面那隻推動的手.
---------------------------------------------
我對我自己小時候的印象就是, 孱弱, 難帶. 大概, 沒有比我更難帶大的孩子了.
---------------------------------------------
我的外婆, 根據媽媽的說法, 是長年跑醫院的病人. 在我的記憶裏, 外婆是早上看個醫生, 中午看個醫生, 下午看個醫生. 而且, 如果這個醫生有名氣, 醫生到哪, 外婆就到哪.
--------------------------------------------
媽媽的家人裏, 幾乎都沒有運動習慣. 除了我老媽已外. 在一張老舊灰照片裏, 白沙灣上, 我媽, 媽媽的孿生妹妹, 和舅舅作在沙灘上. 我媽媽穿著泳衣, 佩蘭阿姨穿著裙子和襯衫, 舅舅著泳褲. 佩蘭阿姨是不會運動的. 舅舅畢竟是男的, 又當過海軍陸戰隊, 他會游泳. 我媽媽呢, 他是會游的. 我也和舅舅和舅媽打過乒乓球. 舅媽一看就是會打的, 但是, 舅舅就不行了. 我和媽媽也打過, 她也不會打, 但那是他將近七十了. 媽媽年輕的時候很活躍, 太極拳, 瑜珈樣樣來.
-------------------------------------------
我很喜歡運動. 對我來說這並不只是健康的來源. 更是愉快的回憶. 我似乎只有在運動的時候才能夠感受到那種和別人無阻礙似的溝通. 這是一個既喜且悲的認知. 因為, 只有在和別人玩的時候, 我才能夠進行溝通. 而這種玩, 又必須是一種體力活. 運動完之後, 我的人際關係卻是一蹋糊塗. 幾乎沒有溝通的渠道. 至少我本人感到某種的困難和不足.
-----------------------------------------
我在這公司以工作三年了. 有時候會晚回來. 因為公司有個桌球桌, 下班之後可以和一些同事打打球. 有時候我打球打的忘了時間, 無論多晚, 她總是等我回來吃飯. 這個時候她也要抱怨, 我實在應該打電話, 如果要晚點回來的話. 有時候談打桌球這件事, 媽媽總會問, 你算不算是會打的一個? 我也總是回答, 當然嘍. 我的確算是會打.
想想,小的時候, 媽媽帶我和妹妹去各種運動營, 籃球, 游泳, 桌球... 我小時候最好的回憶幾乎都是運動. 在媽媽的帶領下, 我和妹妹在小學時代幾乎是天天游泳. 所以到了國中的時候, 我可以和其他人並肩行動. 對於高中的印象, 除了 ESL, 就是籃球. 和 Sky, Roger, 和其他人, 我高中只要有空檔, 幾乎全是籃球. 甚至, 獨自練習也在所不惜. 是的, 籃球, 以一項團體活動而言, 我現在都只拿來作有氧運動的個人練習.
我很喜歡運動. 對我來說這並不只是健康的來源. 更是愉快的回憶. 我似乎只有在運動的時候才能夠感受到那種和別人無阻礙似的溝通. 這是一個既喜且悲的認知. 因為, 只有在和別人玩的時候, 我才能夠進行溝通. 而這種玩, 又必須是一種體力活. 運動完之後, 我的人際關係卻是一蹋糊塗. 幾乎沒有溝通的渠道. 至少我本人感到某種的困難和不足. 這也是我現在那麼喜歡打桌球的一個原因吧. 在運動裏, 幾乎一定是有往有回. 這似乎滿足了我在溝通上的某種欲望.
運動又分兩種, 一種是遊戲性的, 多半要兩人以上才能做. 一種是加強身體強度的練習. 後一種運動是不能和前一種運動分開的. 因為加強身體強度的運動, 是保護自身的措施. 這樣, 在參加遊戲性運動時, 才不容易受到傷害. 這是我多年以來, 玩籃球, 常常受傷, 現在又做瑜珈, 身體竟然慢慢恢復某些強度之後有一點體會! 而現在網路發達, 常常可以看到一些運動員, 對於後一種運動的努力. 這也大大啟發我! 所以我逐漸增加一些其他的項目. 像是, 舉重和踩腳踏車. 最近的目標是希望可以再一次開始游泳.
我記得幾年前我去德州 Wendy 家. 佩蘭阿姨也順道從哈林郡來看我.Wendy 帶我們出去玩. 回來的路上, Dwight 提議去玩籃球. 結果, Charles 真的開著車找到一個籃球場. 我們和 Wendy 的小孩們還真玩的一會兒. Wendy 和佩蘭阿姨在旁邊照像. 兩個小姑娘, 又笑又跳. Dwight 本來滿安靜的, 在玩的時候, 卻輕鬆下來, 全心的享受這個時光. 我也是一樣! 在場上的笑和鬧, 大家在一個場上齊心做一件事, 我喜歡這樣的時光.
今天和小瑋通電話. 電話裏,他認為自己是如此的重視健康, 很注意吃得好, 也稍微有些運動. 效果卻沒有和付出的努力成正比. 小瑋對於健康老出毛病, 很懊惱.
---------------------------------------------
我常常對媽媽說, 我有甚麼好的, 都是媽媽努力的結果. 我會騎腳踏車, 會游泳, 會打桌球, 籃球, 等等的運動, 我母親都是後面那隻推動的手.
---------------------------------------------
我對我自己小時候的印象就是, 孱弱, 難帶. 大概, 沒有比我更難帶大的孩子了.
---------------------------------------------
我的外婆, 根據媽媽的說法, 是長年跑醫院的病人. 在我的記憶裏, 外婆是早上看個醫生, 中午看個醫生, 下午看個醫生. 而且, 如果這個醫生有名氣, 醫生到哪, 外婆就到哪.
--------------------------------------------
媽媽的家人裏, 幾乎都沒有運動習慣. 除了我老媽已外. 在一張老舊灰照片裏, 白沙灣上, 我媽, 媽媽的孿生妹妹, 和舅舅作在沙灘上. 我媽媽穿著泳衣, 佩蘭阿姨穿著裙子和襯衫, 舅舅著泳褲. 佩蘭阿姨是不會運動的. 舅舅畢竟是男的, 又當過海軍陸戰隊, 他會游泳. 我媽媽呢, 他是會游的. 我也和舅舅和舅媽打過乒乓球. 舅媽一看就是會打的, 但是, 舅舅就不行了. 我和媽媽也打過, 她也不會打, 但那是他將近七十了. 媽媽年輕的時候很活躍, 太極拳, 瑜珈樣樣來.
-------------------------------------------
我很喜歡運動. 對我來說這並不只是健康的來源. 更是愉快的回憶. 我似乎只有在運動的時候才能夠感受到那種和別人無阻礙似的溝通. 這是一個既喜且悲的認知. 因為, 只有在和別人玩的時候, 我才能夠進行溝通. 而這種玩, 又必須是一種體力活. 運動完之後, 我的人際關係卻是一蹋糊塗. 幾乎沒有溝通的渠道. 至少我本人感到某種的困難和不足.
-----------------------------------------
我在這公司以工作三年了. 有時候會晚回來. 因為公司有個桌球桌, 下班之後可以和一些同事打打球. 有時候我打球打的忘了時間, 無論多晚, 她總是等我回來吃飯. 這個時候她也要抱怨, 我實在應該打電話, 如果要晚點回來的話. 有時候談打桌球這件事, 媽媽總會問, 你算不算是會打的一個? 我也總是回答, 當然嘍. 我的確算是會打.
想想,小的時候, 媽媽帶我和妹妹去各種運動營, 籃球, 游泳, 桌球... 我小時候最好的回憶幾乎都是運動. 在媽媽的帶領下, 我和妹妹在小學時代幾乎是天天游泳. 所以到了國中的時候, 我可以和其他人並肩行動. 對於高中的印象, 除了 ESL, 就是籃球. 和 Sky, Roger, 和其他人, 我高中只要有空檔, 幾乎全是籃球. 甚至, 獨自練習也在所不惜. 是的, 籃球, 以一項團體活動而言, 我現在都只拿來作有氧運動的個人練習.
我很喜歡運動. 對我來說這並不只是健康的來源. 更是愉快的回憶. 我似乎只有在運動的時候才能夠感受到那種和別人無阻礙似的溝通. 這是一個既喜且悲的認知. 因為, 只有在和別人玩的時候, 我才能夠進行溝通. 而這種玩, 又必須是一種體力活. 運動完之後, 我的人際關係卻是一蹋糊塗. 幾乎沒有溝通的渠道. 至少我本人感到某種的困難和不足. 這也是我現在那麼喜歡打桌球的一個原因吧. 在運動裏, 幾乎一定是有往有回. 這似乎滿足了我在溝通上的某種欲望.
運動又分兩種, 一種是遊戲性的, 多半要兩人以上才能做. 一種是加強身體強度的練習. 後一種運動是不能和前一種運動分開的. 因為加強身體強度的運動, 是保護自身的措施. 這樣, 在參加遊戲性運動時, 才不容易受到傷害. 這是我多年以來, 玩籃球, 常常受傷, 現在又做瑜珈, 身體竟然慢慢恢復某些強度之後有一點體會! 而現在網路發達, 常常可以看到一些運動員, 對於後一種運動的努力. 這也大大啟發我! 所以我逐漸增加一些其他的項目. 像是, 舉重和踩腳踏車. 最近的目標是希望可以再一次開始游泳.
我記得幾年前我去德州 Wendy 家. 佩蘭阿姨也順道從哈林郡來看我.Wendy 帶我們出去玩. 回來的路上, Dwight 提議去玩籃球. 結果, Charles 真的開著車找到一個籃球場. 我們和 Wendy 的小孩們還真玩的一會兒. Wendy 和佩蘭阿姨在旁邊照像. 兩個小姑娘, 又笑又跳. Dwight 本來滿安靜的, 在玩的時候, 卻輕鬆下來, 全心的享受這個時光. 我也是一樣! 在場上的笑和鬧, 大家在一個場上齊心做一件事, 我喜歡這樣的時光.
Monday, January 02, 2017
thoughts on movies
Hell or high water:
It's a great movie! Story telling in movies cannot be better than this. The cinematography is beautiful. The soundtrack is befitting. However, the acting is off the chart.
The first time I watched this was on my uncle's new TV. The graphic shown on that TV was so washed out. It looked so fake. I was taken aback a little bit. I am guessing that the hi def on that awesome TV somehow made the movie looked like an indie film of some sort... I hope Ang Lee's new movie would not be like that... I did not finish the movie that night though, due to some personal things.
Anyway, I kept the movie until it past the due date. Since I cannot return the movie until Tuesday, I watched it last night with my mom. It looked oddly beautiful on my TV. I never thought that graphic would bother me that much until last night. But once I "solved" the graphic issue, this became incredible, especially after jeff bridge showed up.
The story was kept simple enough. But the outcome kept me guessing. Most of the bank heist movie involved high tech, or incredible smart people, and intricate plot lines. But this movie did not show too many of that. It is a modern western with a kind of straight forwardness. But because its bluntness, I am not sure how this movie would eventually turn. The whole thing was driven by characters. Characters are hard to guess, especially with ben foster's incredible insane performance.
As always I read some reviews after I watched the movie. Most of them mentioned how close the movie represent the USAn heartland. I am not experienced with that too much. So I cannot say much about it. But one of the last lines of the movie reminded me what this movie could represent in terms of social aspect throughout the human history.
"Toby Howard: I’ve been poor my whole life, like a disease passing from generation to generation. But not my boys, not anymore."
This line, does not just represent a sentiment of Usan people from midland. But to all the poor people around the world...
It's a great movie! Story telling in movies cannot be better than this. The cinematography is beautiful. The soundtrack is befitting. However, the acting is off the chart.
The first time I watched this was on my uncle's new TV. The graphic shown on that TV was so washed out. It looked so fake. I was taken aback a little bit. I am guessing that the hi def on that awesome TV somehow made the movie looked like an indie film of some sort... I hope Ang Lee's new movie would not be like that... I did not finish the movie that night though, due to some personal things.
Anyway, I kept the movie until it past the due date. Since I cannot return the movie until Tuesday, I watched it last night with my mom. It looked oddly beautiful on my TV. I never thought that graphic would bother me that much until last night. But once I "solved" the graphic issue, this became incredible, especially after jeff bridge showed up.
The story was kept simple enough. But the outcome kept me guessing. Most of the bank heist movie involved high tech, or incredible smart people, and intricate plot lines. But this movie did not show too many of that. It is a modern western with a kind of straight forwardness. But because its bluntness, I am not sure how this movie would eventually turn. The whole thing was driven by characters. Characters are hard to guess, especially with ben foster's incredible insane performance.
As always I read some reviews after I watched the movie. Most of them mentioned how close the movie represent the USAn heartland. I am not experienced with that too much. So I cannot say much about it. But one of the last lines of the movie reminded me what this movie could represent in terms of social aspect throughout the human history.
"Toby Howard: I’ve been poor my whole life, like a disease passing from generation to generation. But not my boys, not anymore."
This line, does not just represent a sentiment of Usan people from midland. But to all the poor people around the world...
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Homework
我對 Andover 的印象
我住在 Andover 剛好廿年. 在此之前, 台北是我的家. 那裏大樓林立, 街道上車子和人潮川流不息. Andover 這樣的小鎮, 在我初來時, 感覺很有耳目一新的感覺. 尤其是我們第一個早上醒來, 出了舅舅家門, 他門口那邊有棵柳樹. 那時天氣又很好, 草是綠的, 柳樹是霧濛濛的, 天是藍的, 花是到處開的. 非常漂亮. 即使是現在, 我妹妹結婚離開這個小鎮後, 仍然說, 漫步在 Andover, 實在是非常好的享受. 這個鎮算是郊區, 但是開始住在這時, 我感覺到的不同才在我走進真正的城裏, Boston 的時候, 真正的指出來. 城裏的車子不僅不等人, 更容易對行人按喇叭, 我才真正發現郊區和城市的不同處.
這裏的人們, 都滿友善. 大概是生活的步調緩慢多了. 我最常去的地方是圖書館. 我在大學時, 甚至寫過一篇介紹 Andover 圖書館的文章. 我在台北的時候, 實際上很少去圖書館. 要看書, 主要是買的. 台北市立圖書館當然是很不錯, 但是台北普通的小圖書館, 並不大, 擺設也不怎麼樣. Andover 的圖書館, 是棟一看就有些歷史的建築物. 裏面的空間很大, 擺設也是處處可見新思巧緻. Andover 也有一個享譽全球的私立高中, Philip Academy. 這所高中的校園看起來和哈佛有點像. 和一般的高中比其來簡直就像一個私立學院.
這個鎮甚麼都好, 就有一點. 沒啥好吃的餐館. 不是連鎖店, 就是一看就踩不進去的地方. 因為, 看起來有點陰森森的, 其實也就是可能貴一點. 可是, 我就不大願意進去了. 很可惜. 這個鎮還有一個不好的. 就是很無聊. 我記得在高中時, 那時有一群從亞洲來的同學, 每個人最大的抱怨就是, 沒有地方好去. 也或許是這樣吧, 很多人的院子都很不錯. 反正沒事幹, 就花花草草吧.
大概是一兩個月前吧, 我走過一個院子, 那家的男主人正在弄他的院子. 我和他打個招呼, 也順便寒喧一下. 他介紹院子裏的植物, 說著說著, 他指著一棵樹, 說, 這是他廿年前種的. 我看著這棵樹,想想自己也是在這裡過了廿年. 這棵樹已講長了這麼高. 而自己, 並沒有甚麼長進. 這個長者和我幾乎同一時間搬到這裏.這讓我有點灰心,喪氣,痛惡自己.
我在美國的經驗, 其實也就可以從我對 Andover 這個小鎮的印象裏得一個概括. 在 Andover 廿年, 我一個認識的人都沒有. 除了舅舅家, , 除了一些舅舅的朋友. 我常常對媽媽說, 我們到小瑋家去玩吧. 小瑋. 我妹妹, 住在 Malden. 我的 ESL 老師, 就住在離我走路十五分鐘處, 我畢業之後再也沒去拜訪過他. 我高中的同學沒有一個留下來的, 因為都是小留學生.
說到這裏, 感覺好像有一點悲哀. 我這個人有自憐的習慣. 很糟糕. 我把人和物都說了一些. 我來說些事. 目前只有我媽媽和我住在 Andover. 大概在高中不知道第幾年開始, 我媽媽找到一條很好的路. 繞一圈, 將近一個小時. 他也已經走了將近廿年了吧. 那時候, 他還帶 Sky 媽媽來走過. 這條路把美國郊區馬路像公園的特點表現無遺. 我有時也陪著媽媽走, 像之前提到那棵樹的男主人, 媽媽以前就常常在早上五點走路時看過. 他很佩服男主人的辛勤. 這一路上有一棟秋香色的房子, 媽媽很喜歡的顏色. 不過近幾年, 他們換了顏色. 這一路上, 我們母子倆人講講談談. 著實的給我們家一個很難的機會. 雖然很多時候, 多半是他講我聽. 我近幾年走在路上, 也會碰到一些人和我們打招呼. 真的, 走了將近廿年, 很多老住戶大概也會注意到我們吧.
住了將近廿年. 當然不會只有這些人事物. 就當這篇文章算一個起頭. 期望, 自己在尋尋找找中, 一點一滴, 一沙一礫, 可以找到個頭, 找到個希望. 這個希望或許可以變成動力...
我住在 Andover 剛好廿年. 在此之前, 台北是我的家. 那裏大樓林立, 街道上車子和人潮川流不息. Andover 這樣的小鎮, 在我初來時, 感覺很有耳目一新的感覺. 尤其是我們第一個早上醒來, 出了舅舅家門, 他門口那邊有棵柳樹. 那時天氣又很好, 草是綠的, 柳樹是霧濛濛的, 天是藍的, 花是到處開的. 非常漂亮. 即使是現在, 我妹妹結婚離開這個小鎮後, 仍然說, 漫步在 Andover, 實在是非常好的享受. 這個鎮算是郊區, 但是開始住在這時, 我感覺到的不同才在我走進真正的城裏, Boston 的時候, 真正的指出來. 城裏的車子不僅不等人, 更容易對行人按喇叭, 我才真正發現郊區和城市的不同處.
這裏的人們, 都滿友善. 大概是生活的步調緩慢多了. 我最常去的地方是圖書館. 我在大學時, 甚至寫過一篇介紹 Andover 圖書館的文章. 我在台北的時候, 實際上很少去圖書館. 要看書, 主要是買的. 台北市立圖書館當然是很不錯, 但是台北普通的小圖書館, 並不大, 擺設也不怎麼樣. Andover 的圖書館, 是棟一看就有些歷史的建築物. 裏面的空間很大, 擺設也是處處可見新思巧緻. Andover 也有一個享譽全球的私立高中, Philip Academy. 這所高中的校園看起來和哈佛有點像. 和一般的高中比其來簡直就像一個私立學院.
這個鎮甚麼都好, 就有一點. 沒啥好吃的餐館. 不是連鎖店, 就是一看就踩不進去的地方. 因為, 看起來有點陰森森的, 其實也就是可能貴一點. 可是, 我就不大願意進去了. 很可惜. 這個鎮還有一個不好的. 就是很無聊. 我記得在高中時, 那時有一群從亞洲來的同學, 每個人最大的抱怨就是, 沒有地方好去. 也或許是這樣吧, 很多人的院子都很不錯. 反正沒事幹, 就花花草草吧.
大概是一兩個月前吧, 我走過一個院子, 那家的男主人正在弄他的院子. 我和他打個招呼, 也順便寒喧一下. 他介紹院子裏的植物, 說著說著, 他指著一棵樹, 說, 這是他廿年前種的. 我看著這棵樹,想想自己也是在這裡過了廿年. 這棵樹已講長了這麼高. 而自己, 並沒有甚麼長進. 這個長者和我幾乎同一時間搬到這裏.這讓我有點灰心,喪氣,痛惡自己.
我在美國的經驗, 其實也就可以從我對 Andover 這個小鎮的印象裏得一個概括. 在 Andover 廿年, 我一個認識的人都沒有. 除了舅舅家, , 除了一些舅舅的朋友. 我常常對媽媽說, 我們到小瑋家去玩吧. 小瑋. 我妹妹, 住在 Malden. 我的 ESL 老師, 就住在離我走路十五分鐘處, 我畢業之後再也沒去拜訪過他. 我高中的同學沒有一個留下來的, 因為都是小留學生.
說到這裏, 感覺好像有一點悲哀. 我這個人有自憐的習慣. 很糟糕. 我把人和物都說了一些. 我來說些事. 目前只有我媽媽和我住在 Andover. 大概在高中不知道第幾年開始, 我媽媽找到一條很好的路. 繞一圈, 將近一個小時. 他也已經走了將近廿年了吧. 那時候, 他還帶 Sky 媽媽來走過. 這條路把美國郊區馬路像公園的特點表現無遺. 我有時也陪著媽媽走, 像之前提到那棵樹的男主人, 媽媽以前就常常在早上五點走路時看過. 他很佩服男主人的辛勤. 這一路上有一棟秋香色的房子, 媽媽很喜歡的顏色. 不過近幾年, 他們換了顏色. 這一路上, 我們母子倆人講講談談. 著實的給我們家一個很難的機會. 雖然很多時候, 多半是他講我聽. 我近幾年走在路上, 也會碰到一些人和我們打招呼. 真的, 走了將近廿年, 很多老住戶大概也會注意到我們吧.
住了將近廿年. 當然不會只有這些人事物. 就當這篇文章算一個起頭. 期望, 自己在尋尋找找中, 一點一滴, 一沙一礫, 可以找到個頭, 找到個希望. 這個希望或許可以變成動力...
Monday, December 26, 2016
thoughts on movies
Assassin's creed:
I like it. I really like the relation of father and daughter in the movie. The action for both parkour and fighting was both clear and intense. Even the transition between modern day and ancient time was clearly executed. I like the casting decision on many people, especially that general of Christian Spain.
I'd complain about the music though. It's very loud.
---------------------------------------------
La La Land:
This movie was awesome. I love it. I remembered watch old musicals, where, I felt a glee watching protagonist dancing the girl of his dream. It's like two puppies play with innocence and joy. I found the innocence and joy from both Emma and Ryan! Their characters matched up perfectly, with their wits, intelligence, and passion! The dialogue between the two brought smile on my face. Their dance was not Fred and Ginger, but it's more than enough.
The opening scene already brought a smile on my face. Most of the scenes were in reality, but many of them, were filmed in like a fantasy sequences!
Anyway, I recommended everyone to see it.
I like it. I really like the relation of father and daughter in the movie. The action for both parkour and fighting was both clear and intense. Even the transition between modern day and ancient time was clearly executed. I like the casting decision on many people, especially that general of Christian Spain.
I'd complain about the music though. It's very loud.
---------------------------------------------
La La Land:
This movie was awesome. I love it. I remembered watch old musicals, where, I felt a glee watching protagonist dancing the girl of his dream. It's like two puppies play with innocence and joy. I found the innocence and joy from both Emma and Ryan! Their characters matched up perfectly, with their wits, intelligence, and passion! The dialogue between the two brought smile on my face. Their dance was not Fred and Ginger, but it's more than enough.
The opening scene already brought a smile on my face. Most of the scenes were in reality, but many of them, were filmed in like a fantasy sequences!
Anyway, I recommended everyone to see it.
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Year in review 1
我上次去蘇州, 在外公家裏看到一件有趣的事. 那就是外公會在小簿子裏記錄一些簡短的想法. 這個方法在媽媽那邊也可以看的到. 就好像一種傳承一樣. 我會注意到這一點, 因為我也有同樣的習慣. 無論是在台灣, 還是來美國後更變本加厲. 而我的簿子裏總是有一些小計畫, 要早起, 要吃健康, 要做怎樣美好的事情. 再不然就是檢討. 就像現在正在做得.
起初乍看之下, 怵目驚心. 現在說, "和外公一樣, 不是很好的事情. 似乎是一件令人討厭的事. 媽媽呢, 則不只是寫在小簿子裏, 他常常隨手抓一張紙, 就寫在上面, 可能是信封, 可能是廣告的背面. 這樣子, 寫下來的東西也常常丟掉. 像那樣子似乎也不怎麼好. 但是, 現在看一看自己的桌面, 上面仍然到處是紙條. 拉倒, 拉倒, 也就這樣了.
把紙條記錄在這裏, 然後把他們丟了吧. 沒有時間順序, 也沒有重要性. 純粹抓到啥記啥.
1. a. 訂出課程表; b. 學習時間定量; c. 目標 (有恆), (不回情緒左右)
2. 為啥別人的事記的牢些, 自己的事少些?
3. 詩云: "迨天之未陰雨, 撤彼桑土, 綢繆牖戶; 今此下民, 或敢侮予?" (孟子公孫丑上四:詩·國風·豳風·鴟鴞)
4. 義人的心, 思量如何回答 / 回答柔和, 使怒消退 / 智慧人的舌, 善發知識 / 溫良的舌是生命的樹.
5. I forgot how to enjoy. The joy in the heart is something worth to remember. Celebrate the things that give me joy and comfort. Realize the fleeing inside of me. Let it spread from my heart to my smile.
6. Look at my desk. All the finished and unfinished tasks. Plus those little notes scattered and all around. Maybe inside, my brain are wild as well.
7. 若蠱之上九, 居無用之地, 而致匪躬之節, 以蹇之六二, 在王臣之位, 而高不事之心, 則冒進之患生, 曠官之刺興. (爭臣論, 韓愈)
8. 清潔用具: 準備一個水桶, 一條抹布, 一雙手套.
9. 布衣之怒, 亦免冠徒跣, 以頭搶地耳....; 此庸夫之怒也. 非士之怒也. .... 懷怒未發, 休祲將於天. (唐雎不辱使命)
10. Mascon floor plan steps: 1. get measurement; 2. use the software; 3. print.
11. 進擊的巨人/食夢人(爆漫人)/ 超智遊戲/排球少年/魁男塾/拳擊浪子/死亡筆記/Jo Jo 的奇幻冒險/烙印勇士/山與食欲與我
起初乍看之下, 怵目驚心. 現在說, "和外公一樣, 不是很好的事情. 似乎是一件令人討厭的事. 媽媽呢, 則不只是寫在小簿子裏, 他常常隨手抓一張紙, 就寫在上面, 可能是信封, 可能是廣告的背面. 這樣子, 寫下來的東西也常常丟掉. 像那樣子似乎也不怎麼好. 但是, 現在看一看自己的桌面, 上面仍然到處是紙條. 拉倒, 拉倒, 也就這樣了.
把紙條記錄在這裏, 然後把他們丟了吧. 沒有時間順序, 也沒有重要性. 純粹抓到啥記啥.
1. a. 訂出課程表; b. 學習時間定量; c. 目標 (有恆), (不回情緒左右)
2. 為啥別人的事記的牢些, 自己的事少些?
3. 詩云: "迨天之未陰雨, 撤彼桑土, 綢繆牖戶; 今此下民, 或敢侮予?" (孟子公孫丑上四:詩·國風·豳風·鴟鴞)
4. 義人的心, 思量如何回答 / 回答柔和, 使怒消退 / 智慧人的舌, 善發知識 / 溫良的舌是生命的樹.
5. I forgot how to enjoy. The joy in the heart is something worth to remember. Celebrate the things that give me joy and comfort. Realize the fleeing inside of me. Let it spread from my heart to my smile.
6. Look at my desk. All the finished and unfinished tasks. Plus those little notes scattered and all around. Maybe inside, my brain are wild as well.
7. 若蠱之上九, 居無用之地, 而致匪躬之節, 以蹇之六二, 在王臣之位, 而高不事之心, 則冒進之患生, 曠官之刺興. (爭臣論, 韓愈)
8. 清潔用具: 準備一個水桶, 一條抹布, 一雙手套.
9. 布衣之怒, 亦免冠徒跣, 以頭搶地耳....; 此庸夫之怒也. 非士之怒也. .... 懷怒未發, 休祲將於天. (唐雎不辱使命)
10. Mascon floor plan steps: 1. get measurement; 2. use the software; 3. print.
11. 進擊的巨人/食夢人(爆漫人)/ 超智遊戲/排球少年/魁男塾/拳擊浪子/死亡筆記/Jo Jo 的奇幻冒險/烙印勇士/山與食欲與我
Friday, November 25, 2016
wolf children movie thought
This movie is interesting. I feel that it is a sad movie. I think the premise of the movie is interesting. A mother raised two wolf children, who had a hard time to decide what they want to be, human or wolf. The mother had to study both human and wolf in able to raise the kids.
After watching it, I have a weird feeling that some Japanese movies emphasize on letting things go very strongly. Especially with Japanese animation. I always have this tremendous feeling of linger after watching many of their animations. But sometimes, I felt it was forced. It's unnatural. Unnatural is such a strong word, maybe too forceful would be more properly describe what I feel.
There are two kids in the movie, one is a girl, the other is a boy. Girl chose to be human in the end, vice versa for the boy. The mother showed great effort trying to hold on to him. But in the end, put a smile on her face, symbolizing her let go of her son. I just feel a tremendous sorrow for her. Because she put forth such effort to raise him. The boy is weak of the two, she always put more effort on him than his sister. Suddenly, he's gone, and left her without a some form of giving back. What I see is a Mother's tremendous love, but nothing from her son. The only thing I'd say is that her son is growing up, she's certain about it. The sister on the other hand chooses to be human. But when the emotion flared up, she resorted to the wolf form. Her mother always warned her about that side of herself. So when an incident happened, the confident inside of her waned. And this hiding adds tremendous pressure on her shoulder. But her mother did not have to worry about her. She comes to terms with is in the end. The movie is narrated by the girl.
I am writing so far, and could not but think to myself. How do I come to such thoughts? Because for these two days, I am in despair. Every holiday season is like this. What I am thinking is how come my sister can act upon her desire, although it might estrange the relation with Mom. But is this observation correct? I don't act upon my Mom's desires. I don't act upon my own either. The only thing left to act upon is basic instinct. But is this observation correct?
A movie like this cannot be viewed as merely entertainment. But since it cannot be just entertainment, I doubted I'd go back and watch it again... Kind heavy...
After watching it, I have a weird feeling that some Japanese movies emphasize on letting things go very strongly. Especially with Japanese animation. I always have this tremendous feeling of linger after watching many of their animations. But sometimes, I felt it was forced. It's unnatural. Unnatural is such a strong word, maybe too forceful would be more properly describe what I feel.
There are two kids in the movie, one is a girl, the other is a boy. Girl chose to be human in the end, vice versa for the boy. The mother showed great effort trying to hold on to him. But in the end, put a smile on her face, symbolizing her let go of her son. I just feel a tremendous sorrow for her. Because she put forth such effort to raise him. The boy is weak of the two, she always put more effort on him than his sister. Suddenly, he's gone, and left her without a some form of giving back. What I see is a Mother's tremendous love, but nothing from her son. The only thing I'd say is that her son is growing up, she's certain about it. The sister on the other hand chooses to be human. But when the emotion flared up, she resorted to the wolf form. Her mother always warned her about that side of herself. So when an incident happened, the confident inside of her waned. And this hiding adds tremendous pressure on her shoulder. But her mother did not have to worry about her. She comes to terms with is in the end. The movie is narrated by the girl.
I am writing so far, and could not but think to myself. How do I come to such thoughts? Because for these two days, I am in despair. Every holiday season is like this. What I am thinking is how come my sister can act upon her desire, although it might estrange the relation with Mom. But is this observation correct? I don't act upon my Mom's desires. I don't act upon my own either. The only thing left to act upon is basic instinct. But is this observation correct?
A movie like this cannot be viewed as merely entertainment. But since it cannot be just entertainment, I doubted I'd go back and watch it again... Kind heavy...
Monday, October 31, 2016
以前的日記
西元二零一三, 十月九日
上星期四去瑜珈之前, 先去投了一下籃. 場上已有三個人在玩. 我和其中一人去年玩過幾次, 今年都還未見過他.
我自己照自己的平常的計畫練習. 開始, 籃下 Mikan's 左右手鉤射. 再來是 stevenash's 底線投籃投進五十次. 進行到一半, 那三個人問我要不要玩比賽. 我只穿了涼鞋, 所以就拒絕了.
後來, 又來了兩個人, 他們又問我玩否? 去的那個人, 說, George, 你可以不用跑, 我們把球傳給你, 你射球就好. 他叫 Sean, 不過他記錯我名字了. 我和 Sean 還有另一個最高壯的人一對, 我倆身材都小. 這場比賽還蠻好玩的.
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上星期四去瑜珈之前, 先去投了一下籃. 場上已有三個人在玩. 我和其中一人去年玩過幾次, 今年都還未見過他.
我自己照自己的平常的計畫練習. 開始, 籃下 Mikan's 左右手鉤射. 再來是 stevenash's 底線投籃投進五十次. 進行到一半, 那三個人問我要不要玩比賽. 我只穿了涼鞋, 所以就拒絕了.
後來, 又來了兩個人, 他們又問我玩否? 去的那個人, 說, George, 你可以不用跑, 我們把球傳給你, 你射球就好. 他叫 Sean, 不過他記錯我名字了. 我和 Sean 還有另一個最高壯的人一對, 我倆身材都小. 這場比賽還蠻好玩的.
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Sunday, October 09, 2016
a moment of rarity these days
1. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary. It's a 3 day event, from Thur to Saturday(092902016 ~ 10012016). I did not want to go when they announced the event. But I told my mom that I going to give my resignation after the event. It really upset her. So I decided I will go instead, just to show her that I would stay, while looking for other opportunity.
2. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I drove up to North Woodstock, NH with Grace, company rent a few units in Deer Park Resort. I stayed in a unit with Tom Zhang, CY Chang, Angus, Vic, and Anne. The resort was quite pretty, neatly arranged, surrounded by a river, with creeks running through.
3.I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I prepped a coupled dishes to bring to the event. One was 紅白蘿蔔和小黃瓜泡菜, and the other was Vodka, soy sauce, brown sugar chicken wings(learned from Bob). The first one was a failure at first. I did it too late, like started on Wednesday... So I only brought the chicken wing. I planned banana bread as well. However, I bought the banana too late, for the banana were not ripe enough... lol
4. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. The days lead up to the event, Phil and other people started to get excited. Phil asked me once, if I was going or not, and was I excited? I complained a little, not looking forward to the event, and pointed out that the company is not even paying us breakfast and lunch... And on top of all these, the forecast was not favorable either! He said I am a Debbie Downer... lol That was the new words I learned that day. lol
5. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. A few weeks ago, Sofiya invited me to her home, to see her newly finished basement. When her husband came home, he immediately offered me alcohol drinks. Sofiya stopped him, and I myself declined as well. It's kind funny, how quickly Sofiya learned about me. She's perceptive. lol At time of my leave, Ivan, Sofiya's hubby, asked me if I was going to the event. I said no. They both thought it's impossible for me not to go... Well, they were right.
6. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I was planning to go to Monadnock Mountain with Mae Han on Saturday(10012016). She was the only few in the company that's not going to the event. She said somebody told her, She can't go with her daughter, so she decided to stay behind. We checked the weather for that week, it did not look good, raining and cold. We decided to forego the plan. I felt sorry. Because I was trying to bail on her once a couple weeks ago. For Phil said he's trying to get everyone in the company to shoot at his gun club, hopefully the company would pay for everything. So naturally, I was excited. I debated with myself a 10 minutes and talked to Mae about canceling. Well, I felt so bad though... So at the end, I told her we will go. But the weather melted the plan... On top of that, it's stupid of me to think that company would pay for the expenses of gun club... lol Phil's wishful thinking, my greedy attempt... le sigh. lol
7. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. Grace asked me if I was going to the event 4 days before the trip. I wondered about her not going or not. I thought I heard she saying not going. But she was frustrated to hell at the time because of her flooded apartment. It was restored to the normal just 1.5, or 2 weeks ago. She decided to get on board. Of course I will drive Grace.
8. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. Jo got a bunch of stuff, and asked me if I could carry those things into the mountain. I told her, yeah, I could carry some. Then she asked Vic, if they could carried some as well. Vic said, sure. She did emphasized that people who carried all the cooler, volleyball net, needed to be at destination early. Well, I made it there second the last. Vic was the last... lol He even got a huge speeding ticket. le sigh, Company colleagues chipped for the fine though. But Jo said I will be off the logistic duty from now on. lol I did asked Phil and Sofiya to take part in the action... It's just that they did not take the cooler and volleyball net setup... lol
9. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. It was hectic on Thursday, we were trying to ship so many things out. And we only had half day. Somebody needed to stay until the freight was picked up. That was the presumption before Thursday. It turned out to be an huge underestimation. Because we have to ship unusually huge amount of packages through Fedex and UPS ground. Some of them were big and heavy. George was nominated for waiting the freight truck. Upon hearing that he will have wait for the Fedex and UPS, which usually came after 3, he was very disappointed. He called his wife, and probably informed his mom and mother in law. Kate, his wife must be mad. Vic suggested that he could dropped the packages himself to the Fedex and UPS store. So he did not need to wait for the drivers. He immediately put that into action. The packages filled his car to the to and bottom, front and back. It's lucky that he did not drive his Lexus here that day. Anyway, he determined, probably don't matter which car it was .
10. Vic cut my hair towards the end on Thursday. He spent 30 minutes, he is such a perfectionist. The hair looked nice, but it looked just like his... lol
11. We finally get to the resort. For this trip, I even got a transponder for EZ pass. I know there's toll, but I was surprised there's only 1 toll... lol The weather was really nice, sunny and blue sky. When me and Grace get to there, almost everyone was there already. The grill was firing. People are chatting, drinking. Young people like CJ, CY, Angus, and Harris & Mandy(Harris's girlfriend) were laughing. Angus immediately asked Tom for the key to rent a basketball. Then later, we ate, some people drank. The beef patty was nice. Jeanie's rice was really great this time. Later, when people really started to drink, CJ and her bunch took care of the young kids, Sofia's twin, and Bella. We stayed in the tennis court until dark. CJ and CY's mom came playing as tennis as well. In many ways, I felt CJ and CY are very different from their mother. But when I saw that she wanted to play, I felt, maybe there must be some parts I did not see.
12. On the tennis court, while running around with Sofiya's twin, Timon and Maria, and Alex's daughter, Bella. I had interesting conversation with Bella. I don't know what led to the subject. But she mentioned that her father was very strict at home. I was not surprised. Alex seemed to be mellow at first glance. But by these few years, I know he's quick, smart, strict, and in some ways, very direct. He knows how to establish dominance. But hearing from his daughter, it is very interesting. I told her the usual, it's because her father loves her. But deep down, I really felt a bit sorry for her. Strict is one thing. Everytime I saw Bella, I felt she's alone. I know her father loves her, I can feel it. But Alex is not a person of intimacy. Usually, Bella's mother would provide the intimacy. But she's gone. A stepmom is in place, but she's young and inexperienced. On top of that new mother got her own kid now. I hope she'd be fine. I really hope so. She's smart, I can immediately see that. I hope she will be fine.
13. There's a lake in the resort. When I first laid my eyes on it, I loved it. It's a jewel in the middle of the woods. When the night came, the night sky shone upon the lake. You could almost see the Milky way. I immediately decided to swim in the lake. So the next day, I got up at 430, hoping to swim in the lake early in the morning. But my gosh, it's cold outside. I went out for a walk. Those youngsters laughed when they awoke, "Jack is an old man" they said, "he got up at don't know how early, and took a walk..." lol. By 8.00, CJ came down from the third floor and gathered the youngsters and I to have breakfast in their unit. They brought a feast! There's sushi, Chinese bread rolls, all kinds of berries, anyway, it was eye popping! lol After the breakfast, we played a table top game, Chinese one, it's called "風聲". I was excited. Since I did not have much experience with Chinese card games before. Wow, it's was really hard. Tom cannot stop asking questions,but after a few rounds, he started to get a hang of it. I still could not. For I feel like I could not guess who's my teammate, and who's not. I started to draw back from the game... lol Anyway, after 10, I decided it's warm enough outside, all of us went to swim. CY wanted to go with me in the lake at first. He even did warm up with me for 10 minutes. It's too cold... So only I went in. The water was still too cold. After one lap, I had enough. So I went to the indoor pool with other people. Even inside, I was still shaking. We played 騎馬打仗. I tried to carry Harry on my should, I could not, he's too muscular... lol At lunch, Jeanie said she's scared that I might cramp and drown. There's ain't no body could save me.
14. We were playing Volleyball. I think Jo really like to create a feeling of everybody playing together. Volleyball was the way to go. I was tired. So I came into the game late. But what a luck, the ball just past me and went into the lake. While I was still wondering what to do. CJ immediately took off her shoes and socks and went into the lake to get the ball. The only thing I was thinking was why didn't I think of that... That girl can take action quickly! le sigh.
15. The dinner of that night was the main event. Company hosting in a restaurant, country style restaurant. A lot of food, all kinds of meat, except pork. They were pretty good. But my gosh people started to drink, especially engineers. Before we gathered in Wayne's unit after dinner. CJ and CY was already half drunk.
16. Tom needed to leave after the dinner, so I drove CY, Angus, and Wayne back. Harry was driving with his girlfriend and right in front of me. He must have heard that I was not sure where to go. He led me to Wayne's place and left. I was impressed. The last time I went to Monadnock mountain with him and CY, he helped a kid with nose bleed. And now this voluntary lead to help his fellow men. You gotta love that guy.
17. In the Wayne's unit, they started to play drinking game. All the youngsters and Alex and John joined. Beer was drunk like water. Then, Phil served up tequila shots with salt on the rims and lime for the after taste. After that it was 15 years scotch. CJ was so drunk. Actually, almost every youngsters were drunk, except Angus. CJ was hugging every youngsters and try to kiss Mandy, CY told me, CJ was not drunk; and he himself just got weak knees, that's all. Everything's cool... :p In the game, John kept pushing Mandy, I though Mandy would be the first to go. But it turned out that Harry was the first one to throw up. Alex was very experienced, after the first throw up, he had me to dump it into toilet, otherwise, that smell alone could induce everyone to throw up. Then CJ started to throw up. She did so badly, but she said that it's her second time this year. She became weak, she started to feel a bit down. I've known she's that feeling the paintball game. She was saying that she's missed her boyfriend. She was saying it while Alex holding the container. I was trying to get her hair away from the throw up. I told her I know you missed him. And Alex said I am going to Taiwan next week, I will tell your boyfriend. Finally she calm down and decided to sleep on the floor in Wayne' s unit. Everyone knows CJ's situation. She's lying fast asleep besides Mandy, who's so drunk, started to talk randomly. Harry was besides her, watching intently. Then, while Alex and everyone was talking about their first drunk experience, Mandy thew up, the last one was CY, he felt something coming, went into rest room, but I have to use the toilet to flush out Mandy's dinner. Well,CY is in the prime spot for the smell. Anyway, CY, CJ, Harry, and Mandy slept in Wayne's unit. I left with Angus.
18. I did many things in this outing, that I never did before. Like smoking Cigars, and even 麻大. Did not feel anything though, I mean from 麻大. Cigar burnt a little. Did not taste good either... This time though I did not cough.
19. The next day, I took my early walk as usual. I met John, he's going to get MacDonald. I went with him, in his fancy BMW i8. I don't even know how to open the door. He checked the bag and receipt before he drove away from the drive through window. It must be weird that I wrote it down here. But it's just a reminder for myself. Even, he, checked it. It's a habit and I need to learn!
20. I went back, CY was already in the room. CJ came down not long after I got home. We went up for breakfast. We were talking about going to Mt. Washington. But it turned out that her uncle got a cold and need to go home early.
21. I told Jeanie what happened last night, she's all laughing. I guess it's happened a few times to themselves as well. It's really new to me though. Jeanie then suggested that I and Grace to go to Mt. Washington Hotel, she said we should use valet parking, and have a lunch over there. Although it's a 5 star hotel, it's not that expensive. We did what she told us. It was a very nice experience. The hotel itself is quite impressive. There were some real foliage around the hotel.
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My mom is coming back tomorrow. I seemed to have a moment of breaking down though. For this reason, Ｉ am not interested to find out why. I am only interested in find out how to avoid at all cost. And remember it's the videos that I needed to avoid, not the action itself. Because remember it's been 14 years. I have a rich well inside of me. Right now it's time to kill the stream and see if it'd dry up!
If I was alone, and in need to sleep, do not fret, but go to sleep. let go of whatever was at hand!!!!
This is not to say that I don't want to find out the reason. But the reason is so illusive. There's one thing I want to keep in mind, why is it being correct so important to me?! I want to constantly asking, reminding myself of that question. Don't be quick to write the answer to the stone. But keep asking!
2. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I drove up to North Woodstock, NH with Grace, company rent a few units in Deer Park Resort. I stayed in a unit with Tom Zhang, CY Chang, Angus, Vic, and Anne. The resort was quite pretty, neatly arranged, surrounded by a river, with creeks running through.
3.I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I prepped a coupled dishes to bring to the event. One was 紅白蘿蔔和小黃瓜泡菜, and the other was Vodka, soy sauce, brown sugar chicken wings(learned from Bob). The first one was a failure at first. I did it too late, like started on Wednesday... So I only brought the chicken wing. I planned banana bread as well. However, I bought the banana too late, for the banana were not ripe enough... lol
4. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. The days lead up to the event, Phil and other people started to get excited. Phil asked me once, if I was going or not, and was I excited? I complained a little, not looking forward to the event, and pointed out that the company is not even paying us breakfast and lunch... And on top of all these, the forecast was not favorable either! He said I am a Debbie Downer... lol That was the new words I learned that day. lol
5. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. A few weeks ago, Sofiya invited me to her home, to see her newly finished basement. When her husband came home, he immediately offered me alcohol drinks. Sofiya stopped him, and I myself declined as well. It's kind funny, how quickly Sofiya learned about me. She's perceptive. lol At time of my leave, Ivan, Sofiya's hubby, asked me if I was going to the event. I said no. They both thought it's impossible for me not to go... Well, they were right.
6. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. I was planning to go to Monadnock Mountain with Mae Han on Saturday(10012016). She was the only few in the company that's not going to the event. She said somebody told her, She can't go with her daughter, so she decided to stay behind. We checked the weather for that week, it did not look good, raining and cold. We decided to forego the plan. I felt sorry. Because I was trying to bail on her once a couple weeks ago. For Phil said he's trying to get everyone in the company to shoot at his gun club, hopefully the company would pay for everything. So naturally, I was excited. I debated with myself a 10 minutes and talked to Mae about canceling. Well, I felt so bad though... So at the end, I told her we will go. But the weather melted the plan... On top of that, it's stupid of me to think that company would pay for the expenses of gun club... lol Phil's wishful thinking, my greedy attempt... le sigh. lol
7. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. Grace asked me if I was going to the event 4 days before the trip. I wondered about her not going or not. I thought I heard she saying not going. But she was frustrated to hell at the time because of her flooded apartment. It was restored to the normal just 1.5, or 2 weeks ago. She decided to get on board. Of course I will drive Grace.
8. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. Jo got a bunch of stuff, and asked me if I could carry those things into the mountain. I told her, yeah, I could carry some. Then she asked Vic, if they could carried some as well. Vic said, sure. She did emphasized that people who carried all the cooler, volleyball net, needed to be at destination early. Well, I made it there second the last. Vic was the last... lol He even got a huge speeding ticket. le sigh, Company colleagues chipped for the fine though. But Jo said I will be off the logistic duty from now on. lol I did asked Phil and Sofiya to take part in the action... It's just that they did not take the cooler and volleyball net setup... lol
9. I went to my company's 35 year anniversary last week. It was hectic on Thursday, we were trying to ship so many things out. And we only had half day. Somebody needed to stay until the freight was picked up. That was the presumption before Thursday. It turned out to be an huge underestimation. Because we have to ship unusually huge amount of packages through Fedex and UPS ground. Some of them were big and heavy. George was nominated for waiting the freight truck. Upon hearing that he will have wait for the Fedex and UPS, which usually came after 3, he was very disappointed. He called his wife, and probably informed his mom and mother in law. Kate, his wife must be mad. Vic suggested that he could dropped the packages himself to the Fedex and UPS store. So he did not need to wait for the drivers. He immediately put that into action. The packages filled his car to the to and bottom, front and back. It's lucky that he did not drive his Lexus here that day. Anyway, he determined, probably don't matter which car it was .
10. Vic cut my hair towards the end on Thursday. He spent 30 minutes, he is such a perfectionist. The hair looked nice, but it looked just like his... lol
11. We finally get to the resort. For this trip, I even got a transponder for EZ pass. I know there's toll, but I was surprised there's only 1 toll... lol The weather was really nice, sunny and blue sky. When me and Grace get to there, almost everyone was there already. The grill was firing. People are chatting, drinking. Young people like CJ, CY, Angus, and Harris & Mandy(Harris's girlfriend) were laughing. Angus immediately asked Tom for the key to rent a basketball. Then later, we ate, some people drank. The beef patty was nice. Jeanie's rice was really great this time. Later, when people really started to drink, CJ and her bunch took care of the young kids, Sofia's twin, and Bella. We stayed in the tennis court until dark. CJ and CY's mom came playing as tennis as well. In many ways, I felt CJ and CY are very different from their mother. But when I saw that she wanted to play, I felt, maybe there must be some parts I did not see.
12. On the tennis court, while running around with Sofiya's twin, Timon and Maria, and Alex's daughter, Bella. I had interesting conversation with Bella. I don't know what led to the subject. But she mentioned that her father was very strict at home. I was not surprised. Alex seemed to be mellow at first glance. But by these few years, I know he's quick, smart, strict, and in some ways, very direct. He knows how to establish dominance. But hearing from his daughter, it is very interesting. I told her the usual, it's because her father loves her. But deep down, I really felt a bit sorry for her. Strict is one thing. Everytime I saw Bella, I felt she's alone. I know her father loves her, I can feel it. But Alex is not a person of intimacy. Usually, Bella's mother would provide the intimacy. But she's gone. A stepmom is in place, but she's young and inexperienced. On top of that new mother got her own kid now. I hope she'd be fine. I really hope so. She's smart, I can immediately see that. I hope she will be fine.
13. There's a lake in the resort. When I first laid my eyes on it, I loved it. It's a jewel in the middle of the woods. When the night came, the night sky shone upon the lake. You could almost see the Milky way. I immediately decided to swim in the lake. So the next day, I got up at 430, hoping to swim in the lake early in the morning. But my gosh, it's cold outside. I went out for a walk. Those youngsters laughed when they awoke, "Jack is an old man" they said, "he got up at don't know how early, and took a walk..." lol. By 8.00, CJ came down from the third floor and gathered the youngsters and I to have breakfast in their unit. They brought a feast! There's sushi, Chinese bread rolls, all kinds of berries, anyway, it was eye popping! lol After the breakfast, we played a table top game, Chinese one, it's called "風聲". I was excited. Since I did not have much experience with Chinese card games before. Wow, it's was really hard. Tom cannot stop asking questions,but after a few rounds, he started to get a hang of it. I still could not. For I feel like I could not guess who's my teammate, and who's not. I started to draw back from the game... lol Anyway, after 10, I decided it's warm enough outside, all of us went to swim. CY wanted to go with me in the lake at first. He even did warm up with me for 10 minutes. It's too cold... So only I went in. The water was still too cold. After one lap, I had enough. So I went to the indoor pool with other people. Even inside, I was still shaking. We played 騎馬打仗. I tried to carry Harry on my should, I could not, he's too muscular... lol At lunch, Jeanie said she's scared that I might cramp and drown. There's ain't no body could save me.
14. We were playing Volleyball. I think Jo really like to create a feeling of everybody playing together. Volleyball was the way to go. I was tired. So I came into the game late. But what a luck, the ball just past me and went into the lake. While I was still wondering what to do. CJ immediately took off her shoes and socks and went into the lake to get the ball. The only thing I was thinking was why didn't I think of that... That girl can take action quickly! le sigh.
15. The dinner of that night was the main event. Company hosting in a restaurant, country style restaurant. A lot of food, all kinds of meat, except pork. They were pretty good. But my gosh people started to drink, especially engineers. Before we gathered in Wayne's unit after dinner. CJ and CY was already half drunk.
16. Tom needed to leave after the dinner, so I drove CY, Angus, and Wayne back. Harry was driving with his girlfriend and right in front of me. He must have heard that I was not sure where to go. He led me to Wayne's place and left. I was impressed. The last time I went to Monadnock mountain with him and CY, he helped a kid with nose bleed. And now this voluntary lead to help his fellow men. You gotta love that guy.
17. In the Wayne's unit, they started to play drinking game. All the youngsters and Alex and John joined. Beer was drunk like water. Then, Phil served up tequila shots with salt on the rims and lime for the after taste. After that it was 15 years scotch. CJ was so drunk. Actually, almost every youngsters were drunk, except Angus. CJ was hugging every youngsters and try to kiss Mandy, CY told me, CJ was not drunk; and he himself just got weak knees, that's all. Everything's cool... :p In the game, John kept pushing Mandy, I though Mandy would be the first to go. But it turned out that Harry was the first one to throw up. Alex was very experienced, after the first throw up, he had me to dump it into toilet, otherwise, that smell alone could induce everyone to throw up. Then CJ started to throw up. She did so badly, but she said that it's her second time this year. She became weak, she started to feel a bit down. I've known she's that feeling the paintball game. She was saying that she's missed her boyfriend. She was saying it while Alex holding the container. I was trying to get her hair away from the throw up. I told her I know you missed him. And Alex said I am going to Taiwan next week, I will tell your boyfriend. Finally she calm down and decided to sleep on the floor in Wayne' s unit. Everyone knows CJ's situation. She's lying fast asleep besides Mandy, who's so drunk, started to talk randomly. Harry was besides her, watching intently. Then, while Alex and everyone was talking about their first drunk experience, Mandy thew up, the last one was CY, he felt something coming, went into rest room, but I have to use the toilet to flush out Mandy's dinner. Well,CY is in the prime spot for the smell. Anyway, CY, CJ, Harry, and Mandy slept in Wayne's unit. I left with Angus.
18. I did many things in this outing, that I never did before. Like smoking Cigars, and even 麻大. Did not feel anything though, I mean from 麻大. Cigar burnt a little. Did not taste good either... This time though I did not cough.
19. The next day, I took my early walk as usual. I met John, he's going to get MacDonald. I went with him, in his fancy BMW i8. I don't even know how to open the door. He checked the bag and receipt before he drove away from the drive through window. It must be weird that I wrote it down here. But it's just a reminder for myself. Even, he, checked it. It's a habit and I need to learn!
20. I went back, CY was already in the room. CJ came down not long after I got home. We went up for breakfast. We were talking about going to Mt. Washington. But it turned out that her uncle got a cold and need to go home early.
21. I told Jeanie what happened last night, she's all laughing. I guess it's happened a few times to themselves as well. It's really new to me though. Jeanie then suggested that I and Grace to go to Mt. Washington Hotel, she said we should use valet parking, and have a lunch over there. Although it's a 5 star hotel, it's not that expensive. We did what she told us. It was a very nice experience. The hotel itself is quite impressive. There were some real foliage around the hotel.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My mom is coming back tomorrow. I seemed to have a moment of breaking down though. For this reason, Ｉ am not interested to find out why. I am only interested in find out how to avoid at all cost. And remember it's the videos that I needed to avoid, not the action itself. Because remember it's been 14 years. I have a rich well inside of me. Right now it's time to kill the stream and see if it'd dry up!
If I was alone, and in need to sleep, do not fret, but go to sleep. let go of whatever was at hand!!!!
This is not to say that I don't want to find out the reason. But the reason is so illusive. There's one thing I want to keep in mind, why is it being correct so important to me?! I want to constantly asking, reminding myself of that question. Don't be quick to write the answer to the stone. But keep asking!
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