臨睡前的靜思

When I wake each morning, I feel terrible.  Truly terrible.  Feeling lonely, no expectation, or just plain lonely.  I would think of her.  Not really thinking thinking, just have a picture of her from previous moments when I saw her, or hear her.  Usually, with other people.  And it doesn't matter what they were doing, or how she interacted with them.  I have this insane jealousy and inadequacy.  This gave me a lot of sleepless night.  I could not get back to sleep.  I do not know what to do.  I want to see her, or hear her in my head.  If it's love, it should motivates me.  But it only gave me sadness!  In sadness, there is no power in me.  Energy sacked.  Memory lost.  So then, I know, the feeling for her, must not be love.  It is those obsession that because I can't have it, my thoughts stock on it. 

So I am here to prepare myself.  I want myself to remember something, maybe it's some memory that would make me happy; maybe it's some words I've seen that worth re-uttering.  And if her imagine came up again, tell myself, I love her, I love her, let me be clear about it.  Treasure this feeling, but let it motivates me throughout the day.  Because, she's enduring the real hardship.  Not me.  She is doing something for her love.  I, need to learn how to love!  I need to learn!  So the first thing, is to let it go.  Let the obsession go.  Learn to love, let the obsession go. 

榕. 今天你和你的朋友忙了一整天.  希望你睡好.  做個好夢. 我是這樣希望的.  明天, 我知道你總是好好過日子.  我, 要學著如何過我的日子.  Sofiya 提醒了我.  我得學會.  謝謝你的出現. 

Learn to love, let the obsession go!