point and click

As the graphic improved, Adventure games added point and click to their identity.  So there's text based adventure and point and click graphical adventure games.  It is strange that when the 3D graphic comes, adventure game did not seem to add 3D graphic to it's arsenal.  Instead, it holds text and point and click as its true identity.  So, now, if you went to any hardcore adventure game sites,most of the game on it is point and click. 

Here, I am just wondering why.  The question of why is interesting is because, does direct action in 3D graphic change the nature of Adventure games?  If so, why didn't point and click change the nature of adventure games.  Eventually, what is adventure games? 

A few days ago, I watched a video on youtube by gexup.  It is in his opinion that an adventure games need 4 elements:

• Puzzle-solving.
• gathering and collecting items.
• Story, setting , and characters.
• Dialog(imo the choice of dialog).  

I kind agree with the list here.  However, don't most RPG and Action games of today have the same elements as well?  Compare the most recent adventure game I played, Dreamfall to other 3D action or RPG games, what makes Dreamfall an Adventure game rather than an action game?  I felt that the obvious difference between Dreamfall and other action games, is the story.  The way the game designers tried to present a story.  Rather than let traditional actions, such as punches, kicks, shootings, jumps became a direct input, the real action is actually happened when choosing a dialog.  Sure, Dreamfall has some fighting actions, and platforming(climbing, etc) animation when the game designers decided to put there.  But they are not the main force to push the story forward.  I sometimes felt that not even puzzles are the main force to propel the story either!  In Dreamfall's case, they are all secondary tools.  The main thing is dialog, which flushes out the story, the setting, and the characters.

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I played some point and click adventure games, like monkey island 3, syberia series, longest journey series, still life series(with post mortem), etc...  But I only finished three of them, the longest journey series, and still life the game.  The things that bothered me the most was that I cannot move through the game environment smoothly.    That is my gripe with point and click.  But I loved the longest journey series and still life the game.  I am just wondering if these games decided to become a game where I could move seamlessly through out the game, will I enjoy more?  Dreamfall provided me some clues.

As Gexup pointed out that average players wanted more traditional actions rather than reading and choosing dialogs.  Most of the investment automatically flowed towards action games ,action RPG/Adventure hybrid.  And for those games, dialog was not a main story propeller until recently.  For games like Witchers series, Mass Effect series, the dialog started to have more impact on story.  That alone, makes them more like adventure games.  However, it seemed to me that the actions in the those game somehow keeps them from being a true adventure games. 

Also for the financial reasons, most adventure game studio without a solid financial backing, they have to stay in Point and click fashion.  I don't think it is solely their choice of game mechanics.  However, it does have a very strange advantage when compared to a straight up 3D action game control.  Point and click makes the game flow to a complete stop, in my opinion.  That sounds horrible for action fans, but it is a strange blessing to those who love a good puzzle, and enjoy a crafty story. 

nature

"Please, stop complaining..."

"What?"

"Yeah, he acted this way because he is this way.  He can't change that, it's his nature.  You complaining won't change him."

"Who said about changing him?"

"Then why do you keeping complaining?"

"Because it is also my nature.  I can't change this.  How come you want to change me?  You two faced evil brat!" 

"........"

男性和愛情

我剛剛看完 expendable 2.  還可以.  但是, 沒有第一部好, 因為它變成了一部史特龍的電影.   第一集, 每個角色都有他們令人回味的時候.  但是, 這一次全部的人都很平淡.  雖然大部分的時間都史特龍一個人在表演, 但是, 就算是他也很乏味.  動作的部分還是不錯, 但是, 電影, 最重要的還是劇情和令人印象深刻的角色, 他們這一次很失敗. 

另外, 很有趣的地方是, 我覺得只要是這種男性電影, 愛情變的很淺薄, 很笨拙  或者總是被沖的很淡, 再不然, 被男性愛的女角可能不專一, 例如 Lee Christmas 的女朋友.  這種現象, 在水滸傳裡面也有類似的表現.  很奇怪.  史特龍在第一集裡, 似乎有愛情的表現, 但是, 很淺薄, 很笨拙, 最後呢, 被沖的很淡到好像沒有.  水滸傳裡那些被男人熱愛的女性, 都是水性楊花, 最後不得好死(例:  潘金蓮, 石秀的嫂子).  史特龍之前的電影, 沒有一部的愛情不是很淺薄, 很笨拙  或者總是被沖的很淡, 除了洛基一, 和第一滴血二.  Jason Statham 的電影也是.  其他人的也類似. 

可能也是我的問題... 

movie afterthoughts

wind chill: 

The first time I watched this movie was probably two years ago.  I watched again about a week ago.  I still like it quite a bit.  It's about two college students going home before Christmas and was haunted by ghost on the road.  The interaction between the two students, one boy, another girl, somehow really intrigued me.  It was endearing to me very much.  The ghost story part did not carry much weight as a whole, but it served its purpose in my opinion.  That purpose was to put these two college students strained on the road deep in the blizzard. 


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prometheus:

I used to watch Alien and Aliens a lot.  But since I read the movie info from Wiki, I decided against watching the movies.  For I was ghasted by their concept.  I did agree though, it's one of the best scary movies.  However, I still want to see Prometheus, it's Ridley's prequel of Alien.  I think the movie itself was wonderful.  Ridley's brought some very interesting visuals on the screen.  The concept was quite interesting itself as well.  But there're just so many similarities between Alien and Prometheus.  And I think there were more plot holes and murky spots in the story line.   This is a bit of let down.  But two and half actors in the movie were really quite wonderful, Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, and half of Charlize Theron.  I think there were more actors, so Noomi's character could not be on display fully.  But when the situation called, Noomi shined.  Mr. Fassbender's character was probably the most complete in the movie.  He utilized it well, executed in cool and controlled manner, which really gave me a chill.  And yet, it's still hard to point evil at him whole heartedly.  Half of Charlize Theron, because her plot in the movie was best a Vase.  But she's such a commanding actress, I thought her action in the movie was inconsequential, and yet, I can feel her presence. 

東海若

"""東海若
作者:  柳宗元

東海若陸遊，登孟諸之阿，得二瓠焉，刳而振其犀以嬉，取海水雜糞壤蟯蚘而實之，臭不可當也。窒以密石，舉而投之海。逾時焉而過之，曰：「是故棄糞 耶？」其一徹聲而呼曰：「我大海也。」東海若呀然而笑曰：「怪矣，今夫大海，其東無東，其西無西，其北無北，其南無南，旦則浴日而出之，夜則滔列星，涵太 陰，揚陰火珠寶之光以為明，其塵霾之雜不處也，必泊之西澨。故其大也深也潔也光明也，無我若者。今汝海之棄滴也，而與糞壤同體，臭朽之與曹，蟯蚘之與居， 其狹咫也，又冥暗若是，而同之海，不亦羞而可憐哉！子欲之乎？吾將為汝抉石破瓠，蕩群穢於大荒之島，而同子於向之所陳者可乎？」糞水泊然不悅曰：「我固同 矣，吾又何求於若？吾之性也，亦若是而已矣。穢者自穢，不足以害吾潔；狹者自狹，不足以害吾廣；幽者自幽，不足以害吾明。而穢亦海也，狹、幽亦海也，突然 而往，於然而來，孰非海者？子去矣，無亂我！」其一聞若之言，號而祈曰：「吾毒是久矣！吾以為是固然不可異也。今子告我以海之大，又目我以故海之棄糞也， 吾愈急焉。湧吾沫不足以發其窒，旋吾波不足以穴瓠之腹也，就能之，窮歲月耳，願若幸而哀我哉！」東海若乃抉石破瓠。投之孟諸之陸，蕩其穢於大荒之島，而水 複於海，盡得向之所陳者焉。而向之一者，終與臭腐處而不變也。
今有為佛者二人，同出於毗盧遮那之海，而汩於五濁之糞，而幽於三有之瓠，而窒於無明之石，而雜於十二類之蟯蚘。人有問焉，其一人曰：「我佛也，毗盧 遮那、五濁、三有、無明、十二類，皆空也，一也，無善無惡，無因無果，無修無證，無佛無眾生，皆無焉，吾何求也！」問者曰：「子之所言，性也，有事焉。夫 性與事，一而二，二而一者也，子守而一定，則大患者至矣。」其人曰：「子去矣，無亂我！」其一人曰：「嘻，吾毒之久矣！吾盡吾力而不足以去無明，窮吾智而 不足以超三有、離五濁，而異夫十二類也。就能之，其大小劫之多不可知也，若之何？」問者乃為陳西方之事，使修念佛三昧一空有之說。於是聖人憐之，接而致之 極樂之境，而得以去群惡，集萬行，居聖者之地，同佛知見矣。向之一入者，終與十二類同而不變也。夫二人之相違也，不若二瓠之水哉！今不知去一而取一，甚 矣！


此文收錄於全唐文 卷五八六"""



我第一次看到這個故事是在 Andover 圖書館裡.  那裡有一套介紹古代學問詩文的書, 是舅媽藉著他母親的名字捐的.  這篇文章是其中一本介紹古代小說的輯子.  文章的後面有解說.  我看了之後覺得很好玩.  因為, 解說的最後一段認為柳宗元是站在那個糞水一邊.  我看了之後不禁啞然失笑.  我覺得這怎麼可能?  可是事後想想, 會不會真是如此呢?  我雖然相信柳宗元是站在那回歸大海的那一邊.  但是總不能十足的確定.  後來, 我陸陸續續的問了一些人, 沒有一個會選擇當臭糞的...  笑死我了...  

如今我又在維基文庫裡看到這一篇文章,  但一看就是比較完整的文章, 因為故事後, 柳宗元自己又做了一番解說.  更容易明白柳宗元君的意向.  不了解爲啥那本書的解說是那樣?  只能說那解說的作者自己沒搞清楚...  不過我相信這位作者也一定是會選擇到大海去的, 因為他雖然認為柳是站在糞水的那一邊, 但是在文章裡, 他似乎也覺得柳宗元的選擇很不通人情.

我在查找這篇文章的時候看到另一個對這篇文章的解釋.  這是一個清朝的和尚寫的.  我覺得也蠻有趣的.  如今我一併抄錄:

東海若解 

唐　柳　子厚　著

清　釋　實賢　解

[題釋]　　 東海若者。昔有唐名儒柳子厚。愍學佛者知見不同。於淨土法門。信毀不一。其間利害。不啻天淵。欲令知所去取。以造乎心性之極致。故作此文也。第習儒者。既 以佛理而置之弗究。學佛者。又以文字而漫不經心。間有聰明之士。多闕信根。設具信根。復無智慧。致使深文奧義。韜晦于殘編斷簡中。莫之通達。豈不惜哉。因 申明其義。以為解釋。庶幾為初機勸發之一助云。

[正文]　　 東海若陸遊登孟諸之阿。得二瓠焉。刳而振其犀以嬉。取海水。雜糞壤蟯蚘而實之。臭不可當也。窒以密石。舉而投之海。逾時焉而過之曰。是故棄糞邪。

[解]　　 東海若。海神名喻宏法大士。蓋海神主海。猶大士主法。故以此喻之也。陸遊者。謂離淨土海。到娑婆岸。猶海神離海而遊陸也。孟諸。地名。曲阜曰阿。高下不平 之處。以喻三界險道。謂自既出生死。復入三界度苦眾生。故曰登孟諸之阿也。二瓠。喻信毀二機。眾生五陰。名之為瓠。因緣會遇。故言得。刳而振其犀以嬉。謂 大士遊戲神通。不取眾生相也。刳。空也。振。去也。犀。子也。言空去其子。以瓠[盧*瓜]為 嬉。正喻離眾生相。以度生為遊戲也。取海水者。為說法也。雜糞壤者。眾生聞法。智慧與無明雜也。糞壤。喻煩惱。蟯蚘。喻生死。煩惱因果。不出五濁。生死種 類。不離十二。臭。猶苦也。生死煩惱。其苦難忍。故言臭不可當。密石。喻根本無明。一念不了。故曰窒。投海。喻入生死。眾生過去。雖曾聞法。種少善根。但 以無明所覆。長在生死。不得解脫。縱遇知識勸導。其根生熟不同。亦有發不發者。發則順教修行。不發則違教執理。故取二瓠為喻也。然大士度生。如父母教子。 不以孝子而偏教。不以逆子而置之。故雖不信。亦為說法。又常伺察其機而開發之。逾時焉而過之者。此伺機也。久經輪轉。故曰逾時。夙緣相植。故名曰過。曰是 故棄糞邪。此開發之辭也。謂汝于過去曾種善根。今猶遺棄生死邪。意欲令其發心念佛。故問之也。

[正文]　　 其一徹聲而呼曰。我大海也。

[解]　　 此喻違教執理之人。徹聲而呼。即驚疑不信之狀。我大海也。即執理廢事之言。

[正文]　　 東海若呀然笑曰。怪矣。今夫大海。其東無東。其西無西。其北無北。其南無南。旦則浴日而出之。夜則滔列星。[涌-用+(圉-土)]太 陽揚陰火珠寶之光以為明。其塵霾之雜不處也。必汩之西澨。故其大也。深也。潔也。光明也。無我若者。

[解]　　 此喻大士為說佛真性海以顯真諦也。呀然。張口貌。怪矣。是責之也。今夫下。具示正理。夫性海無涯。故無東西南北。性海光明。故外[涌-用+(圉-土)]日 月星辰。內具眾寶。外[涌-用+(圉-土)]是 神通。內具是智慧。所謂萬德悉圓也。又日喻應身。星月喻隨類化身。應身出世名旦。涅槃名夜。應跡雖有生滅。法體常自湛然。眾生機熟。則現佛身而度脫之。緣 盡入滅。則又現隨類化身而引導之。雖種種示現。總皆不出性海之外。是外[涌-用+(圉-土)]也。 陰火。喻神通。珠寶。喻定慧。三皆全性發生。是內具也。性海清淨。故塵霾不處。塵霾。指五住煩惱。所謂諸惡都盡也。太陰是月。大海之中。火光常起。名為陰 火。澨。水涯也。謂大海不與塵霾同處。必漂之涯岸。猶佛智慧海。不與煩惱同住。必斷之令盡而後已耳。深大光潔四字。總結上文。無四方是深天。外[涌-用+(圉-土)]內具是光。無塵是潔。無我若者。是讚辭。謂除佛已還。皆未得此深大光潔之用者。即有之。是少分而已。非 究竟也。

[正文]　　 今汝海之棄滴也。而與糞壤同體。臭朽之與曹。蟯蚘之與居。其狹。咫也。又冥暗若是。而同之海。不亦羞而可憐哉。子欲之乎。吾將為汝抉石破瓠盪羣穢于大荒之 島。而同子於向之所陳者可乎。

 

[解]　　 此喻斥其偏見。而示以正修行路也。夫眾生與佛。雖同一心。但眾生迷倒。棄海認漚。指漚為海。聞說真海。反以為非。是則名為可憐愍者。今夫執空之人計五陰。 身中方寸妄心。謂是本來面目。與佛無二。如瓠中糞水。計為大海。與海無別。不知心體廣大。含裹十方虗空世界。眾生諸佛。一念徧收。不局在方寸內。如大海不 局瓠[盧*瓜]內。聞說西方淨土。彌陀性海。計為心外。反生疑謗。如聞真海反以為非。彌陀雖不捨眾生。眾生自棄耳。如 大海不拒一滴。一滴自棄大海。故曰海之棄滴。眾生五陰。煩惱為體。故云糞壤同體。臭即是苦。朽即無常。曹。伍也。言此身者。無常眾若之為伴侶。非真實也。 蟯[虫*尢]。 身中蟲也。喻十二類。言此身者。十二類之所同住。非解脫也。蕞爾六尺。故言咫。蒙然無智。故言暗。執此方寸妄心。六尺妄身。謂同佛妙用。非顛倒耶。故斥之 曰羞而可憐。問。經云。諸佛解脫。當於眾生心行中求。又云。觀身實相。觀佛亦然。豈非眾生身心。與佛無別。而子乃欲分迷分悟論聖論凡。得無眼見空華耶。 答。如經所云。葢是即妄觀真。不執妄以為真。如將一滴觀海。不執一滴是海。且如一滴之水。與大海水。濕性何別。然既離大海。又與糞壤交雜。豈得謂之即是海 耶。即妄觀真而不執。意亦如是。故知水性無別。而求歸海之計。則可也。若守定一滴謂為大海。則不可也。請試思之。子欲之乎以下。略示修行利益以勸之。言吾 將為汝者。非是為彼修行。蓋謂化功歸己。利及他人也。抉石。喻斷根本無明。破瓠。喻出三界。盪穢。喻離五濁。大荒。喻寂光真境。恢廓無際。島。喻同居極 樂。高出十方。向之所陳。即諸佛深大光潔之用。知其不信。而復強為說法者。蓋大士悲心太切。現雖無益。亦為未來。得度因緣也。

[正文]　　 糞水泊然不說曰。我固同矣。吾又何求于若。吾之性也。亦若是而已矣。穢者自穢。不足以害吾潔。狹者自狹。不足以害吾廣。幽者自幽。不足以害吾明。而穢亦海 也。狹幽亦海也。突然而往。于然而來。孰非海者。子去矣。無亂我。

[解]　　 此喻聞教不信。執辭以拒也。博地凡夫。雖有小慧不斷煩惱。故名糞水。聞教不信。故云不說。我固同矣。此執理之言。尅論理體。生佛不二。故曰固同。吾又何求 于若。此自足之語。前文所陳。乃諸佛境界。蓋是以修德而顯性德。今執理者謬解。單言性德而廢修德。故曰。吾之性也亦若是而已矣。謂我心亦具深大光潔之用。 曾無欠少。不知說食畫餅。無益飢腸。徒勞身口。下文具出偏空之見。穢不害潔。言性體清淨。不為生死所污也。狹不害廣。言性體廣大。不為形器所局也。幽不害 明。謂性體光明。不為煩惱所覆也。穢狹幽暗。即具海之全體。無二無別。故云亦也。突然于然。往來貌。以喻出沒生死。皆本性妙理。故云孰非海者。問曰。如上 所陳。未嘗不是。何子過之深也。答曰。誠如所問。其言雖是。其意則非。祗如三不害。大乘經論中。亦有此語。然諸佛菩薩未嘗撥棄修行。單言理性。今謬人守定 穢狹幽暗。自謂光潔廣大。不知煩惱現前。潔斯害矣。量不容物。廣斯害矣。顛倒是非。明斯害矣。現前一念。尚不能保其無害。況未來生死。安能自知。雖曰不 害。乃所以為大害也。如諸佛菩薩有時化度眾生。示現煩惱。而心無分別。斯真穢不害潔矣。刀割香塗。等無憎愛。羅云調達。並濟均慈。斯真狹不害廣矣。行於非 道。通達佛道。斯真幽不害明矣。而今乃以凡夫小智。濫同佛智。自取愆尤。豈非謬之甚者邪。子去矣無亂我。是拒絕之辭。蓋宗門執理之士。乍聞教理。輒大拂其 心。故云然也。

[正文]　　 其一聞若之言。號而祈曰。吾毒是久矣。吾以為是固然不可異也。今于告我海之大。又目我以故海之棄糞也。吾愈急焉。涌吾洙。不足以發其窒。旋吾波。不足以穴 瓠之腹也。就能之。窮歲月耳。願若幸而哀我哉。

[解]　　 此喻順教修行之士。初聞佛法。生大悔悟。心期解脫。故號泣而祈求焉。吾毒是久矣。毒。害也。生死煩惱。喪我法身。亡我慧命。名之曰毒。沈淪多劫。故曰久 矣。又言久者。謂常有厭苦之心。未得出離之路。所謂善根將熟機欲發動也。固然。真實貌。未聞教前。意謂生死煩惱。真實不可變異。徒厭無益。今聞佛功德海。 廣大難量。則知生可作佛。故曰告我以海之大。又知夙曾下種。與佛結緣。我自迷背于佛。遺棄生死。故曰目我以故海棄糞。是則出離有路。解脫有方。求之厭之。 當復彌切。故云愈急。下皆自知分量之辭。涌洙。喻小慧分別。發窒。喻破無明。旋波。喻微功轉動。穴腹。喻出三界。就能之。是假借之辭。窮歲月。是遷延曠 劫。幸而哀我。是求佛攝受。

[正文]　　 東海若乃抉石破瓠。投之孟諸之陸。盪其穢于大荒之島而水復於海。盡得向之所陳者焉。

[解]　　 此喻順教修行之利。無明頓破。如抉石生死永亡。如破瓠。三界長揖。故曰投之孟諸。九蓮親到。故曰大荒之島。即凡心而見佛心。故云水復于海。

[正文]　　 而向之一者終與臭腐處而不變也。

[解]　　 此喻違教執空之害。向執葫蘆之水。與大海無別。不知石未去而穢未除。水未歸于海。水雖無二。寬狹淨穢乃殊。又執穢狹皆海。不知終于臭腐而不能變化。豈不哀 哉。今夫執理者。謂我心是佛。何須更見彌陀。即心淨土。豈必更生極樂。不知無明生死。業相熾然。雖有妙心。尚未親證未得佛之大用。又執生死煩惱。皆是菩提 涅槃。誰非佛法。不知生死現前。依舊茫然無據。何處當有涅槃。無明瞥起。仍復顛倒是非。誰是菩提覺者。一期浪語長劫沈淪。能不為之痛心哉。

[正文]　　 今有為佛者二人。同出于毗盧遮那之海。而泪于五濁之糞。而幽于三有之瓠。而窒于無明之石。雜于十二類之蟯蚘。人有問焉。其一人曰我佛也。毗盧遮那。五濁三 有。無明十二類。皆空也。一切無善無惡。無因無果。無修無證。無佛無眾生。皆無焉。吾何求也。

[解]　　 此合上文之譬也。同是學佛。知見不同。故皆言為佛者。二人即信毀二機。毗盧遮那。此云徧一切處。是佛法身。亦名真如性海。此之法身。生佛同體。故言同出。 五濁者。一劫濁。乃至五命濁。此五皆以染污為義。故喻之如糞。三有。即三界。謂欲色無色隔歷不同。故名界。因果不無。故稱有。三有區局眾生。故喻如瓠。四 大區局六識。義亦如是。並得名焉。無明窒礙法性。故喻如石。十二類不離三界。如蟯蚘不離人腹。人有問焉。人即四依大士。一人即違教執空之人。我佛也。合上 我大海也。一切皆空。正是所執。五濁空。合上穢不足以害潔。三有空。合上狹不足以害廣。無明十二類空。合上幽不足以害明。善是人天。惡是三途。因果修證。 通乎四聖。此執空之人。乃有兩種。一者心自開解。二者從他聞說。心自解者。病則難治。從他聞者。後或可醫。

[正文]　　 問者曰。子之所言。性也。有事焉。夫性與事。一而二。二而一者也。若守一而定。則大患者至矣。其人曰。子去矣。無亂我。

[解]　　 此示以正解。而使知過患也。言性有三義。謂空義。假義。中義。如向所陳。但得空義。不知中假。又空有三種謂偏空。斷空。真空。向論祇是偏空及以斷空。尚未 得真空之理。豈知性者哉。若悟真空。自不撥無萬法。是故知其未解也。有事焉以下。正是對病發藥之語。性即理也。謂理與事。一而常二。二而常一。圓融則大功 斯立。守一則大患乃生。得失在人。非關佛法。問。何謂一而二。二而一。答。如祖師云。修證即不無。染污即不得。斯言是也。夫修證即不無。事也。染污即不 得。理也。二句義理。互具互融。不可偏廢。上句具下義故。無修證而論修證。下句具上義故。非染淨而說染淨。此事理不二之旨也。若單執有修證。即同二乘權 教。單執無染污。即同自然外道。又同權教。則唯尚功勛。此過則淺。同外道則撥無因果。此害乃深。故曰大患者至矣。現在則失進修之利。未來則招墮落之殃。可 不懼哉。又祖師言句。有言偏意圓者。往往小慧之流。隨語生解。致使醍醐反成毒藥。良可悲痛。問。云何名為言偏意圓。答。如誌公云。五欲貪嗔是佛。地獄即是 天堂。智者知心是佛。愚人樂往西方。是則名為言偏意圓也。今當釋之。謂若人能觀五欲境界。及貪嗔癡。如虗空華。不生分別。當知此人。即名為佛。故云五欲貪 嗔是佛。又觀地獄天堂苦樂之相。如夢中事。不於天堂而生愛著。不於地獄而生驚怖。二俱平等。故云地獄即是天堂。智者知心是佛。愚人樂往西方。此二句重在知 心二字。謂若知心是佛。此人念佛。即是智者。不知。則雖樂往西方。亦是愚人。智者指上上品。愚人謂下下品。此二語與淨土之旨。初無悖戾。而謬人執此。乃謂 念佛是愚人所為。豈西方只有下下品。而無上上品邪。又下品者其在此土。雖是愚人。若生淨土。則入不退地。便不可謂之愚矣。不知己愚。反謂他愚。謂之何哉。 故貴在得意。忌在執文。舉一例諸。思之可見。

[正文]　　 其一人曰。嘻。吾毒之久矣。吾盡我力。而不足以去無明。窮吾智。而不足以超三有離五濁。而異夫十二類也。就能之其大小劫之多。不可知也。若之何。

[解]　　 此明順教修行之士。知力不足。自審之辭也。時丁末法。人根轉鈍。心膽轉粗。大概而論。有二種人。謂一愚。二狂。愚者茫然無解。固不待論矣。狂者妄意高遠。 常欲躐等。視此念佛法門。不啻草芥。尚生鄙恥。況肯修行。此無他。不自知也。古人云。知人則智。自知則明。蓋當今之世。自知者亦已鮮矣。文中合譬。一一可 知。言大小劫者。人壽一增一減為一小劫。積此小劫。至八十番。名一大劫。又積此大小劫。至不可數。名一阿僧祇劫。言不可知。即是不可數。藏教菩薩。要經三 無數劫修行。方得成佛。然退轉者多。增進者少。此明自力之難能也。蓋一切法門。皆自力出生死。故難。唯念佛一門。兼仗他力。故易。易故一生可辦。難故曠劫 未成。利害得失。其機在此。是故知難易。則知利害。知利害。則知去取。否則前途失足。錯路者多矣。正像之世。容有自力出生死者。末法之世。罕聞此人。今既 自力不能。欲求他力。故問若何。

[正文]　　 問者乃為陳西方之事。使修念佛三昧。一空有之說。於是聖人憐之。接而致之。極樂之境而得以去羣惡。集萬行。居聖者之地。同佛知見矣。

[解]　　 此明念佛之利也。梵語三昧。此云正受。謂正念現前不受諸受故。得此三昧者。現前當來決定見佛。一空有者。謂無念而念。無生而生也。問。空則一法不立。有則 萬法紛然。二者乖角。云何名一。答昔天衣懷禪師開示淨土。其言曰。生則決定生。去則實不去。此一空有之旨也。夫生則決定生。有也。去則實不去。空也。言雖 有二。意未嘗二也。師又曰。譬如鴈過長空。影沈寒水。鴈絕遺踪之意。水無留影之心。此自釋上文之辭也。請以此喻分解之意自明矣。夫行人五陰。名之為鴈。現 前念佛之心。本自豎窮橫徧。故喻之以長空。一期之身。不久即滅。故稱為過。幻質雖有生滅。念性元無生滅。故名鴈過長空也。清涼國土。離諸熱惱。故名寒水。 此方念佛。彼土華開。勤惰纔分。榮枯頓異。故曰影沈也。又此土陰滅名鴈過。彼土陰生名影沈。此滅彼生。曾無前後。故得以喻之。此二句。釋上生則決定生也。 鴈絕遺踪之意。此明眾生不往。水無留影之心。此明諸佛不來。何以故。若有去者。即有程途。有程途。即有時分。云何此滅。彼生。間不容髮。若有來者。即有足 跡。有足跡。則此有彼無。不能周徧。云何十方應現。接引同時。當知法性如是。非有非無。豈容思議於其間哉。此二句。釋上云則實不去也。但法中單明不去。喻 中兼顯不來。是帶說耳。問。既云眾生不往。又云諸佛不來。則生西方者。為復即在此處。為復本無方所。得非如夢所見。非真實邪。答。不觀上影沈寒水之句乎。 言影沈寒水。則顯西方實有化生之身。但以求其往來之相本不可得。故言不去不來。子何迷悶之甚邪。去羣惡是斷德。集萬行。是智德居聖地。是四十一位真因。同 佛知見。是開示悟入之理。

[正文]　　 向之一人者。終與十二類同而不變也。

[解]　　 此明不念佛之害。言十二類者。謂卵胎濕化。有色。無色。乃至非有想。非無想。如楞嚴所明。此之十二皆眾生數攝。若證四果。出三界。則非十二類所能攝矣。 問。參禪念佛。均之為了生死。吾人祗患心性未明。心性苟明。則孰非淨土。三界本空。何出之有。十二類非實。何同之有。佛尚不可得。何況眾生。答。如汝所言 皆有名無義。但取一時快論。並不知利害也。吾試問子。汝證四果邪。曰。未也。曰。既未證四果。則是凡夫。盡此一生。必受後有。若受後有。不在人天。則在三 途。終不出十二類。汝尚不能超欲界。何況能出色無色界。尚不能超三途。況能超佛問。聲聞證四果。此身尚在。豈非十二類攝。答。聲聞證四果。身雖未滅。不久 即滅。滅則受法性身。居方便土。出三界外。譬如旅舍寄客。不久出門。其家眷屬不得以家人目之。聲聞暫寄三界。亦復如是。問諸佛菩薩有時化度眾生。示現世 間。必假胞胎父母。豈非亦是胎生。當何所攝。答。諸佛度生。示理胞胎父母。既云示現。則雖有非實。豈得實判眾生。收歸十二類邪。其寂光實報二土。是佛菩薩 本所住處。此乃暫現耳。間若爾。何故經論中。十法界。總名眾生。答此乃通論。葢三乘人出三界。尚有變易生死。佛亦有常住五陰。故得名焉。今乃捨通從別。祇 論分投主死。不論變易及以常住。故不可以彼難此問。西方淨土亦有化生。豈非十二類攝。答。淨土雖有化生。然身非分段。純一化生。故無十二類。(分是分 限段是形段以彼土壽命無量故無分限形體無方變化不一若有若無故非形段)況 生彼土。便入聖流。直至成佛更不受身。豈得名為十二類邪。問禪宗悟達之士。見性已徹。其于三界。不出不入。于十二類。不捨不受。隨緣寄寓方便度生。有何不 可。答。悟達之士。雖有見地。不斷惑業。若生三界。一入胞胎。便成隔陰。從前所悟尋復忘失。畢世工夫。一朝唐喪。可不惜哉。更有業焉。牽入異類。汝又安能 自主。而不被惡報之所障邪。若生彼土。親近導師。一入聖階。便登佛地。較之浮沈三界。出入胞胎。孰得孰失。宜自思之。故知不悟則已。悟則求生西方。當愈急 焉。如人得寶。須覔善地藏之。方得受用。否則終致散失。悟達往生。亦復如是。當知欲超生死。無過淨土一門。若在此土而能出離。斷無是處。願無爭口舌。幸平 氣而思之。

[正文]　　 夫二人之相違也。不若二瓠之水哉。今不知去一而取一。甚矣(按下文 當有其惑也三字)。

[解]　　 此總結前文以明去取也。夫像季之世。豈唯宗教之士宗趣相違。如二瓠之水。即同一法門。同一師學。知見不同。其類非一。葢正見之難遇。邪徒之易親。亦已久 矣。今論去取。宜知利害。如上所陳。信毀得失。利害皎然。何有智者。而不知去取。嗚呼。今人莫不求利。而常失利。亦莫不避害。而常遇害。何哉。大抵心不虗。行不實。知見不正故也。是故。修心之士。務虗其心。實其行。端其知見。以聖教為明鏡。以師友為鞭策。自始至終。戰兢惕勵。庶幾無大害矣。否則終身受害。恬然不知。及其將死。尚不自悟。以至空過一生。遺恨千古者多矣。是皆不知去取也。甚矣。是責辭。言智不如歸海葫蘆之水也。可勝歎哉。

東海若解(終) 


此文來自淨土宗的書籍吧...  我不是很確定, 也有點懶的去察證...  

雖說這是釋教的解釋.  但是, 並不因此掩蓋他的價值.  甚至可以說, 古代的解釋更勝現代.  他用了一大堆的佛教詞語, 但是, 對於不同的人和他們在學習時的所遭遇的過程, 難題, 和不同的人對於如何探索外界和如何認識自身的現象, 都有描述和闡釋.  我覺得很有意思. 

some thoughts

i got a game informer magazine, a special issue celebrating 25 years of zelda games.  I kept thinking what makes zelda games so popular. 

Compared to the latest zelda game with contemporary titles, I could not really find much.  But by looking back at ocarina of time and compare it to the titles at the time.  A huge difference shows.  Ocarina was the first great 3D action adventure RPG.  At the time, there's none in the market that can compare it to it.  The open world design and the fluidity of the control, plus variety of gameplay, it is the skyrim of its time. 

Fast forward to the present day.  I read many reviews actually think the latest zelda game is not as open as the ocarina.  The game design is just as tight as before.  And the market now has skyrim, batman Arkham City, assassin's creed series...etc.  The advantage seemed dwindling.  The most innovation of zelda of this generation is the motion control.  However, from what I gathered, this innovation doesn't really sell the game as well as its game design as a whole.  Nintendo will need to find another way to boost its super series. 

I feel that ocarina pushed the boundary of the video game industry.  But since then, other people stepped on the way nintendo paved and goes beyond, far beyond the scope, nintendo envisioned.  Elder Scroll was 77.58% in 1998 and rightly so.  But it is 95.22% in 2011, the same time, zelda got a score of 93.11%.  Elder Scroll in 2011 is one of very few largest open world.  Zelda is not one of them. 

I've always thought that the boundary zelda needs to push this time around would be combat.  Because I've thought that if they could create a zelda game with Soul Calibur 2-esque fighting style, that would be awesome.  But that's not true.  Because Skyward sword plays like Mount and blade is an awesome experience!  However, it is not the main reason it scored 93.11%.  I now think it's the game design as a whole is the main reason. 

It is a very interesting problem.  Because compared to the Assassin's creed series, Zelda is designed in a different direction, in my opinion right now.  Assassin's creed 1 was a disappointment to some, because as a whole, the game felt more like a tech demo.  This game rode into the market with one single appeal, climb anywhere players wanted.  And it delivered just that.  Other parts of the game was boring or at most a lukewarm effort.  It is not until AC2, the game finally blossomed into a great game.  The designers crafted a game with a much tighter design as a whole.  Compared to the zelda, Zelda always have very tight design as a whole.  It's combat simple, yet addictive and not much fault in itself.  There's no platforming in 3D zelda, since there's no jump.  But everything else, is fantastic.  What I would like to find out is that "everything else".  And once we could identify that, we can then add stuff to push the boundary. 

It is amazing that throughout 25 years, Nintendo did not lose the feel of zelda game.  I wondered if designers made zelda more like elder scroll, what would happen amount the fans.  And would that draw crowds?  Or the series would lose its uniqueness among the similar titles?  To me, the feel of zelda game is incredibly important.  It makes the game stand out.  However, they do need a breakthrough.  I cannot stop thinking beyond game mechanics.  So I will utter my thoughts according to this line of thought.  I'd say that Nintendo try to avoid one of the most difficult gameplay mechanics in 3D gaming which is jumping by designing an auto jump.  I'd say if they want to break new boundary, they need to solve the jump issue now.  Because, frankly, none of the games nowadays could claim they solved that issue.  The most common method for platforming is climbing, which was popularized by Prince of Persia series by the same studio that makes assassin's creed.  But I cannot believe that a company, which created Mario in 2D and 3D, cannot solve this issue for Zelda?!  I like the climbing, parkouring, and all that, but I also wish to see a Mario like jumping integrated into Zelda or any other similar games.  Climbing and parkouring are fun for a while, until repetitiveness sets in.  Jumping is empowering to me personally.  :p 

from laughs

我最近常在 youtube 看一個節目, 叫做 just for laughs.  是一個惡作劇的節目.  大部分的惡作劇, 其實都還滿有趣的.  但是, 他們的手法讓我有點害怕.  因為他們作弄人的主要手段都是請沒有機心的過路人來幫他們的忙, 然後從中惡搞. 

我現在在看倩女幽魂三, 女鬼第一次和小和尚接觸, 他的手法也是一樣, 向小和尚求救.  大凡真正修行的人都不會對財色動心.  所以女鬼要鬆動小和尚, 或著是找機會接近他,就得要用求救的方式.  這和 just for laughs 的手法很相像!  

 

輕笑

《輕笑》






黃友棣曲      徐訏詞

你灑了滿室衣香，撒了一地輕笑
於是你匆匆外出，留下門簾兒飄搖
我乃遍拾遺笑，編成美麗歌謠
還把你半怒全嗔，算作裡面曲調
等到晨曦升時，我將它掛到桃梢
他日桃花再香，鄰人都稱花嬌
但往來唯有黃鶯，學習花頂歌謠
引來遠近來客，齊說鶯歌美妙
可是此中幽情，到底無人知曉
唯我痴心長記，歌中是你輕笑
如你他日歸來，已失當年愛嬌
記取黃鶯聲中，是你嗔怒輕笑

gone crazy

no matter the wind blowing,
or the snow falling,
a pair of wings grow out my back.

the sky is high above.
look with my eyes and pray.
pray the wings will fly.
fly me high into that blue sky.

gone crazy

but snow is falling
the wind is blowing
there will be dole hiding in the woods
there will be not sun in the darkness.
there, no more buds.
with the wings, impossible flying

 gone crazy


you look, you watch, the sky is falling.
the cloud is dropping.
and the ground is parting.
 you watch,
my wings will bring me,
soar under the sun.
it will break the cloud,
making it a hole,
with debris behind.
it will leave snow,
plot a circle swirl amount the flakes.

gone crazy

am I? 

梁襄王

孟子見梁襄王。出，語人曰：「望之不似人君，就之而不見所畏焉。卒然問曰：『天下惡乎定？』吾對曰：『定于一。』『孰能一之？』對曰：『不嗜殺人者能一之。』『孰能與之？』對曰：『天下莫不與也。王知夫苗乎？七、八月之間旱，則苗槁矣。天油然作云，沛然下雨，則苗槁然興之矣。其如是，孰能御之？今夫天下之人牧，未有不嗜殺人者也；如有不嗜殺人者，則天下之民皆引領而望之矣。誠如是也，民歸之，由水之就下，沛然誰能御之？』」

爲什麼孟子會說梁襄王望之不似人君?  

另外, 孟子說他自己, 就 '梁襄王' 而不見所畏焉, 我不大懂這句話的意思.  這句的意思是說, 孟子在梁襄王身邊時, 他希望看到梁襄王身上有令他害怕敬畏的特質嗎?  如果是這樣, 孟子又怎能 "說大人而邈之" 呢?  


這又突然讓我想到這一句:  

孟子自范之齊，望見齊王之子。喟然歎曰：「居移氣，養移體，大哉居乎！夫非盡人之子與？」

 

孟子曰：「王子宮室、車馬、衣服多與人同，而王子若彼者，其居使之然也；況居天下之廣居者乎？魯君之宋，呼於垤澤之門。守者曰：『此非吾君也，何其聲之似我君也？』此無他，居相似也。」

第一句話讓我去比較了一下孟子和其他諸侯的交流.  我感到其他諸侯在講話的時候都會提到自身的感覺, 思想, 目標, 態度...等等.  例如:

孟子見梁惠王。王曰：「叟不遠千里而來，亦將有以利吾國乎？」   (梁惠王上一)

孟子見梁惠王，王立於沼上，顧鴻鴈麋鹿，曰：「賢者亦樂此乎？」  (梁惠王上二

)

梁惠王曰：「寡人之於國也，盡心焉耳矣。河內凶，則移其民於河東，移其粟於河內。河東凶亦然。察鄰國之政，無如寡人之用心者。鄰國之民不加少，寡人之民不加多，何也？」  (梁惠王上三)

梁惠王曰：「晉國，天下莫強焉，叟之所知也。及寡人之身，東敗於齊，長子死焉；西喪地於秦七百里；南辱於楚。寡人恥之，願比死者一洒之，如之何則可？」  (梁惠王上五)

王曰：「然。誠有百姓者。齊國雖褊小，吾何愛一牛？即不忍其觳觫，若無罪而就死地，故以羊易之也。」..............王笑曰：「是誠何心哉？我非愛其財。而易之以羊也，宜乎百姓之謂我愛也。」(梁惠王上七)

王曰：「大哉言矣！寡人有疾，寡人好勇。」  (梁惠王下一)

滕文公問曰：「滕，小國也，間於齊楚。事齊乎？事楚乎？」  (梁惠王下廿二)

 

 

 梁襄王和孟子的對話則不是如此.  

至於第二句和第一句的的關係是啥, 我還得想想...  

 

i cannot read

I cannot read.  I haven't been able to have a peace of mind and sit down to read.  It's been a while now.  Probably more than a year.  It's not like I haven't read anything.  But the joy of reading without being criticizing is gone.  Instead of the joy, I constantly feel like I have something I want to throw up.  Yes, throw up.  But nothing comes out.  Nothing.  Either that, or I am disgusted by what I want to vomit. 

downdowndown

in a bad mood...  trying to get myself out... 

如果有人提到民主,多半指的是投票. 

天聽自我民聽, 天視自我民視.  現在要問的是, 老百姓聽到了看到了之後, 他們要如何表現出來?  全國性每人一票似乎是個好方法. 


will penny was not a bad movie.  the dialogue at the end was really touching.  It kept the movie in a realistic direction.  But it was not exciting either. 


jo4al fm4xk7
  . 

memorable notes from open court

memorable notes from open court of NBA TV.

Kenny Smith(most embarrassing):  When he was a kid, he played a close game.  Close to the end of game, Kenny's team was up for a point or two.  Coach called a timeout, and said to his players, "now, now, we are just going to sit on the ball."  Young Kenny never heard of this phrase before, but Coach gave no time for question.  Right after Young Kenny got the ball on the court, he immediately put the ball on the ground and sat on it!  The whole court was laughing, including the coach!  After the game, coach said to Young Kenny, "well, one thing for sure, kid, you are coachable!"

Reggie Miller(storyteller):  After Michael Jordan retired from the second repeat triple Championships, Pacers was visiting Chicago the first time.  Very close to the end, Reggie made a three pointers right in front of Steve Kerr with one second left. Reggie came to the center court and thought, "I'm like Michael Jordan is not around, I am the new face of shooting guards in the league.  So I bowed at half court to the audience in Chicago stadium...and everyone is booing..."   Phil Jackson took a timeout, then the Scottie Pippen brought the ball up and gave the ball to Tony Kukoc.  Tony immediately shot a three pointer as Reggie Miller was guarding him.  Reggie saw the ball went above him and through the net.  Right after the buzzer sounded, look who's running after Reggie, and bowed right at him?  It's little Steve Kerr! 

 Shaquille O'Neal(Hakeem or Patrick): Hakeem has evreything....most other players have at best one or two moves, but Hakeem was very unpredictable on the block.   ...And mentally he is a guy you couldn't break, like all the other guys, if I said anything on the paper, especially the Georgetown boys....you know, if you say something to Hakeem, or throw Hakeem an elbow, and he just looked at you and said(Shaq with an imitation of Hakeem's smile), "nice move, big fellow."  /////  Patrick was mean, you know, all the Georgetown guys were mean. 

Vanished big man:  first stats is that Shaq was the only big man to be in the 5 top scorers in the last 15 years.  So where's all the big man? 

1.  European big men have different style.  When they came into NBA, the big men has to evolve as well.  European big men was taught to face the basket, like a forward, when they were young.  Steve Smith said that nowadays coaches teach big men to play facing the basket, not many people still teaching back to the basket, or post moves. 

2.  The game has evolved to become so fast.  Most big men cannot survive, or at least unable to dominate both ends. 

3.  Historically, there are not many big man anyway.  As Charles Buckley and Steve Kerr pointed out, really big man are rare. 

4.  Yao was a great player, if he's injured free, he will be come one of the best players in NBA history. 

5.  Shaq could stay healthy through his career is really amazing. 

英文片語

rue the day:  bitterly regret what they have done.

戰國時代

你難道不知道, 現在就是戰國時代? 

simple blood

I watched blood simple because I saw a chinese remake from 張藝謀.  It was pretty good.  One of the things that surprised me was the the last line from the female protagonist.  I thought the movie played into the difference of what it was showing to the audience, and what the characters of the movie saw. 

I did not finished the Chinese remake, for I didn't like the dialogue, and one of the actor.  :p 

a quote I saw

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference. 

-------Reinhold Niebuhr, the serenity prayer

I saw it on a plaque hung on Louis' wall.  

Afterthought on CP

I watched Nuovo Cinema Paradiso the second time last night.  I did not like it the first time.  I love it this time though.  I wonder why. 

It is a coming of age movie.  A boy from small town, grew to become successful, and came back visiting the town.  It has nostalgia feeling with the old cinema memory.  I've watched a few movie with the same theme, for example:  Hugo(most recently). 

It is most curious that when I first watched this, I did not like the romantic part.  I wonder why that is.  I felt it was fake, or not possible.  But the seoncd time, I felt I accept the possibility of such romance.  Then everything came together. 

How come I felt it was fake then?  I must had felt that if you cannot take care of the girl you love, there's no way you should take a girl as a girlfriend.  This time, while I was watching, puppy love went up in my brain all the time.  Yes, the thought of puppy love made me accept the storyline. 

太白粉

最近媽媽做了一次大福(麻糬).  我們還特地在中國城依照食譜上為了防黏手而買了黃豆粉.  沒想到的是錯就錯在這黃豆粉上...  黃豆粉加在麻糬上, 很不好吃! 

今天, 媽媽和妹妹說起這件事.  妹妹也在兩天前吃到黃豆粉的麻糬, 結果難吃地快要吐了.   妹妹今天就趕快建議不要用黃豆粉, 可以改用綠茶粉.  因為他上次自己再做的時候, 也是用綠茶粉. 

現在晚上了, 媽媽突然叫我在網上找找看, 有無其他的粉可以代替黃豆粉.  我想畢竟綠茶粉不容易買到. 如果有其他的代替品會更好.   所以我馬上就上網找了一下.  我本來輸入麻糬外面是什麼, 結果 google 的結果都很差.  後來我再嘗試輸入 "麻糬外面白白的是什麼?"  結果也不佳.  最後我到台灣雅虎奇魔, 回來的條目比較好.  而且, 說一句實在話, 雅虎知識真的是一個很棒的蒐尋工具.  至少搜尋中文來看, 要比 google 好! 

很多人都提到可以用太白粉.  但是也有人提到熟粉這個名詞.  我就糊塗了... 繼續深入查詢後, 浮現一些有趣的資料. 

首先, 太白粉, 台灣來說, 是用樹薯粉做的.  日本的話是用馬鈴薯粉做的.  也有人說, 日本的是葛粉.  另外還有人提到粟粉, 大部分人說, 這一名詞是香港來的.  另外還有其他名詞...  其實就是玉米粉.  

每個地方的生粉似乎都不大一樣...  可能是玉米粉(香港), 可能是樹薯粉(台灣).  再來, 太白粉也可能是馬鈴薯粉或者是番薯粉...  :p  我愈搞愈糊塗!  

一直以來, 我以為這幾種粉是可以互換的.  但是, 實際上, 他們在運作上是有差異的.  只是, 都可以拿來做勾欠用.  但, 即使是這樣, 反應的程度還是有所不同.  我抄錄一段文字:  

"
首先我們要先了解哪些粉適合做勾芡用,妳才能正確的用在烹調上.

生粉是港式食譜中常出現的名辭，多是用來勾芡用的，在香港使用的生粉為太白粉。生粉在中式烹調上除了勾芡使食物產生滑潤的口感之外，亦常用來做為軟化肉質的醃肉料之一。 上一頁
說到勾芡，用得最多的當屬太白粉了。太白粉又分成以下二個種類（其實此二種都是台灣製的），差別如下表：

種類 : 台灣太白粉 , 日本太白粉
色澤 : 較暗 ,  較白
黏性 : 弱 , 強
價格 : 低 ,  高
稀釋比率粉：水 1：1 1：2

沾裹食物入鍋炸酥，亦是常見的太白粉用途，此外，凡是炸好後需要淋上調味汁，或需回鍋與調味料快速拌勻盛出的菜也都是太白粉的傑作，例：糖醋魚、糖醋排骨、糖醋里肌、咕嚕肉等。

2.太白粉有分:(日本太白粉:是由馬鈴薯制成)黏性較佳和(台灣太白粉:是由樹薯粉所制成的)黏性較溫和~故用日本太白粉勾芡的話量要比台灣的要少(調合水和粉的比例而定)摸起來較為滑膩~細緻~從外觀就很好分辨ㄌ

二.用法不同:

1.通常蕃薯粉是用於炸東西(如炸豬排).和醃東西(如肉羹用ㄉ肉條).做點心.甜點(如粉圓)但是蕃薯粉也可用於勾芡~不過穩定性效果較太白粉差~倒入湯汁中攪拌太慢容易結塊

2.太白粉通常用於勾芡(如羹湯~或炒菜)和醃東西(如過油的東西).調麵糊時也可加

3.也可將兩種粉在混合麵粉成為三合粉效果不錯唷~你可以試試~

4.蕃薯粉用來炸的效果比太白粉好(比較酥脆)~但有些東西用太白粉炸比較漂亮

5.不同ㄉ食用粉加在一起會有不同的變化和差異~但要依不同的食材特性而定~只要多學多聽多看~多做就會ㄌ~

三溶解速度.濃稠度.價格不同

加熱時容解速度以太白粉最快.蕃薯粉較慢(日本和台灣ㄉ差別是在於加熱後所產生ㄉ稠度末加熱前都是一樣的~只是生粉ㄉ外觀有些許的不同~滑

膩度:日本ㄉ較滑~台灣的差不多)

濃稠度:日本太白粉>台灣太白粉>蕃薯粉

價格:日本太白粉>台灣太白粉和蕃薯粉價格差不多(依品質而異)

粟粉就是玉米粉(Corn Starch), 跟太白粉一樣有勾芡或黏稠的作用
太白粉不是玉米粉 太白粉是樹薯粉

玉米粉玉白色玉米粉，是一種玉米澱粉，英文叫做 Corn Starch，它與太白粉類似，具有凝膠作用。

一 般在西點製作時，食譜上的玉米粉多半指的就是玉米澱粉，如做派餡、蛋糕等等。一般在做蛋糕時也加入少量的玉米粉，可以降低麵粉筋度，增加蛋糕鬆軟口感，但 是用量最好在麵粉用量的 20% 之內，如果用量過多，反而影響蛋糕架構，不但膨脹度受到限制，而且會使蛋糕組織粗糙而且口感乾粉。

玉米粉在港式食譜中又稱『生粉』、『粟粉』、『鷹粟粉』、『豆粉』。生粉的作用和台式食譜中的太白粉類似，用來幫助肉質柔軟以及湯汁勾芡之用。但是，太白粉勾芡的湯汁在放涼後會變得較稀，稱為『還水』，而玉米粉勾芡的湯汁『還水』現象較不明顯，因此，雖然在中式料理中，玉米粉與太白粉經常是可以互替的，但在西點製作上，仍以玉米粉為主，尤其是派餡塔餡等。一般食譜如果沒有特別指明，玉米粉指的就是白色的玉米澱粉。

其實妳可以考慮用日本太白粉,雖然價格貴一點,但它的黏稠度會比台灣太白粉來的好,或者用玉米粉勾芡看看,玉米粉勾芡放涼後的湯汁『還水』現象較不明顯."


(http://tw.knowledge.yahoo.com/question/question?qid=1608042405021&q=1511021707906&p=%E5%A4%AA%E7%99%BD%E7%B2%89)

再就熟粉而言, 似乎有人認為生粉吃下肚子裡不好, (雖說我也不知道有啥不好), 所以又出現熟粉這一名詞.  所謂熟粉就是把生粉炒一炒, 只要沒有焦氣, 就可以拿來做麻糬.   

另外, 有人說綠豆粉也可以生粉, 而且他是最好的生粉...  理由, 我也不確定...  :p  

題外話, 有一大陸網站說, 以前台灣的太白粉其實也是馬鈴薯粉, 只是近幾年來, 東南亞進口的太白粉都是樹薯做的.   蠻有趣的, 不知道到底是怎樣...  

總結:  所以為了製作方便, 防止黏手, 以上的粉都可以用...  ;D  

favorite food

I was in a dream last night.  I sat at a table directly across a kid, who's sitting at another table with a lot of food in on it.  I smiled at the kid and said, "wow, you have a lot to eat!  You must be hungry!" 

The kid looked at him with a frown between his brows.  He said, "yeah, but i am wondering which dish should I start..."

I looked at his table and thought it was kind funny.  Some people have too much food, some don't.  The problems from the two groups cannot be equal.  And yet, I could see the kid really was troubled.

I suggested, "you don't mind me giving you some advice?"

The kid looked up from all the food and his thought, said, "no, not all, I will need all the Help I get."

"This is an old habit of mine," said I, "I usually started with the food I don't like, then I will eat my way up to my favorite dish."

"I thought of that."  the kid replied, "but the problem is that I have too many food.  If I did what you described, I think I will have a bellyful of food that I don't like, before I could have my favorite dish.  And plus, even if I still had space for my favorite food, they were cold and not as good as before."

I said, "oh, clever guy, that was what happened to me!"  I smiled.  "Then what about the other way around?"

"You mean, my favorite food first?"

"Yeah,, that way you could enjoy your favorite food fresh and hot.  After your favorite food, you can then decide whether or not you will eat the less ones."

The kid now had a valley between his brows.  He shook his head, "no, I can't do that...  I have to finish my food!  Or it would be a big waste!" 

"Wow, you have to?"  I asked.

"Yeah, that's the deal with my dad...  he's the chef here."

Wow, I thought o myself, poor kid...

"Hope you don't have to eat like this everyday..."

The kid suddenly lightened up, "hahaha, no, no, my dad did not force me to eat his food."

"Oh, then what happened?"

 "It is I who did not know what I really want and ordered everything from the menu...  Then my dad found out, and got mad at me..."

"Hahaha!"

"And the worst thing is not even that, because I don't even know which dish is my favorite dish...  I feel like I have a big appetite and could eat everything.  But I know it's a illusion now..."

I said good luck to the kid,

Then I woke up. 

教中文

幾天前, 我給一個美國小孩上中文課.  我心中想到的的主題是, 你要什麼, 我要這個.  假想的情節的是買東西時, 和店員的對話.

過程還好.  但是, 我認為我可以更好一點.

你要什麼和我要這個, 這兩種句型, 一旦可以聽懂, 說清楚後. 可以有很多很多的變化.  也就是說, 可以在, 你要__什麼和我要__這個中間, 加各式各樣的動詞. 什麼後面也可以其他名詞.  這個的個字也可以換成其他單位名詞.   這兩種句型說是比較靈活的語法.  也非常實用.

這位小朋友對中文的象形字似乎是看過書上描述過.  所以我也就順水推舟的把造字的六義稍微說了一遍.

認字的方法也因為六義講過後, 我就把一個部首邊旁給他,叫他去找找他看過的中文裡有無這個部首.  這個部首是人.  我跟他說, 在他武功道場裡, 有一個字有這個邊旁.  不知道他會不會去找.

我也無和他再約下一次上課的時間, 不知道會不會有下一次...  :p 

煎上色

有皮的雞肉要煎上色前, 一定要擦乾, 這要煎, 才能夠上色! 

I played basketball today.

I played basketball today.  I went to the court for about 40 minutes, then my neighbor, Nick brought his son and 3 other people to the court.  There were 2 people playing other than me, all of us decided to play 4 vs. 4, half court.  It was a good opportunity for me, I haven't had many chances to play team games.  We played two games, I performed poorly.  It's like I wasn't putting too much into games.  I played in a reserved mode, and for that, one of my team mates was not very happy.  :p 

In the mid of the second game, two other players came to the court.  One of them is Sean, I've played a few pickup games with him and few players, who were probably from Lawrence, this summer.  We decided to play a 5 on 5 full court.  I was pathetic.  I was out of breath quickly.  And once out of breath, I pretty much lost control of every other functions as well...  I could not catch balls, and I could not help out at either ends.  I resorted to defense at last.  The team mate, who was not happy with me, tried hard to pass ball to other people.  But I might judge it wrong, because, other people might present a better options.  :p  And the few times he passed the ball to me, I squandered those opportunities.  Le sigh... 

We lose the first full court game, then got them back in the second.  All because of the player who was not happy with me.   The second game was extremely close, he scored the last 2 key points.  Nick sealed the deal with a 3 pointer.  My mom appeared in the the end of the game, for she'd been waiting for me to go to dinner...  :p  When I saw her, I said, :p. oh, oh, I should had called... 

When we finally went to dinner at McDonald's, I kept telling my mom how bad I was...  I must be frustrated with myself...  I must also be excited about a team game.  I must also feel uncomfortable when people not passing the ball to me.  I kept myself smile and try to present a light-hearted atmosphere.  It's not all fake, when I see a great play, it always gives me a great joy.  However, I did feel frustrated and uncomfortable in the games.  Because, I had a feeling of great disconnect.  There were a few times, I got ball in my hand and had to make decision when and who to pass.  The ball would get stolen because of my sloppiness.  It also came from a indecisiveness.  The window of opportunity in sports is always slim and short lived.  When players' eyes meet, the window opened.  But once the other guy made a move, and I chickened, or thought too much, the window then closed instantly.  When the window opened, the connection of two players was already established.  The window closed, the connection lost.  That's when I felt disconnected, and the other guys frustrated. 

I am also very tired from running.  And it is very true that I lost breath quickly, and once that happened, I lost control and drive to step up the play.  There was even once that I cramped my left lower leg.  It always so happen that I lost breath quickly, and my liver hurts.   I would feel sore muscle after a prolonged event.  But  I somehow would regain control then, and breathing becomes more stable.  My pain in the liver area would ceased too.  Muscle would be really tire though, cramp would happen for example.  I felt that Yoga helped in the perspective that My lower back was not hurt.  But in terms of cardio, it did not help much. 

the longer we live

the longer we live, the closer we are to our parents. 
What I meant by that is, when a woman bear a child at age 20, the age difference between her child and her is only 20 years.  If she only lived 60 years, then 20 years seemed a bigger difference between the woman and her child.  But if she lived 100 years, 20 years is a smaller gap.  If she could live to 800 years, 20 years age difference is even minimal. 

From a purely numerical point of view, if we could live to infinite, there's not much difference between everyone. 

just blubbering... 

空爆

情感在爆炸.  昨天的, 今天的, 還有不能忘記的. 

已已往往,消失了.  好像空氣在爆炸.　

我們稱他空爆．　　

哪有一點回憶，還可以這樣浪費.

在這裡,　情感只是不能感動人的模樣．　

忘記，　卻是平凡的不可能．

遙望，　已是回憶的鐵案．　

醬子，　我鎖住你．　　

只要答案對，　我就可以．　
可以對的住你．　　

如癡

寂寞的心, 如癡如狂. 
寂寥的夜, 如水如雪. 

狂野, 如脫韁的野馬, 奔馳在心的草原上. 
那裡, 赤裸的渴望, 在冰冷的夜, 駕駛著.

黑暗, 只是月光的不足.
拋脫上身的衣服, 銀白在光下.

飛去的, 已消逝在遙遠的黑暗,
管他是天上還是地下.　

narrative story telling and seriousness of video game story

A comparison of nintendo's metro and gears of war:

Most of the time, we are alone in the metro world, besides the aliens we are supposed to shoot.  the narrative story telling, by which, I meant that words and sounds, was kept at minimum.  Gears on the other end, were heavily worded, and acted out by voice talents.  Metro were heavily emphasizing on the player's own exploration rather than the direction from games.  Gears is the contrary.

In my memory, during those lonely exploration by myself in metro, I felt more about right brain than left.  My mind somehow goes to a quieter places.  the easy game play mechanics helped along this line.  It even made me focused more in the game world.  No, rather a world inside of myself.  On the contrary to this, I did not felt the same thing about Gear.  The voiced dialogues broke into my conscious mind, the game world is outside, rather than inside.  The control is more realistic and complicated.  I will have to concentrated on it more.  The differences is obvious.

by producing a game with less narrative dialogues and quieter game, actually producing different result.  That is not to say that this fits in every genre!  For example, classic adventure game needs narrative.  This is only for certain "actiony" games.

one of my favorite games of all time, is Sacrifice, which is actiony and heavily dialogued. This leads to the second topic.  You be surprised just how easy to tab into right brain, by heavily dialogued narrative with a little twist. 

----------------------------------

 Many European and American games are heavily narrated.  For example, Sacrifice was heavily narrated.  But it is incredibly funny.  I think that's rare for European and American games.  Narrative story telling is very hard for movies.  It is especially hard to create a good hero movies.  For games, it is even harder.  That's why most of the games that wanted to create a good hero, usually fails.  Because, in an actiony games, for a game designers to put players in a situation where, the players could emphasize with heroes in the games through actions would be extremely hard.  For the players are the ones doing the input.  So most of the game designers did the next best thing.  They created dialogues and narrative story lines to beef up players experience, and to emphasize with the heroes.  But by doing so, it is exhausting.  I am sorry, Heroes are not that different..., especially hand crafted by human's brain.  It is so rare to create an universal hero icon that everyone would agree is a heroes and feel refreshed.

For example, gears of war's and assassin's creed's narrative are both too serious.  There's not much of lightness on the story line.  At the same time, it would be hard for players to really create an entrenched sensation in their brain.  Because narrative story telling and complex control keep them from using their right brain.  A hearty laugh however, would open that door, or at least an window to the right brain. 

One of the sad thing about taking it too seriously is that it is hard to come down from the  throne of seriousness.  And it created a good boy effect...  You need to create light hearted contends in a serious game.  Seriousness is fun, to a point, beyond that point, it is exhaustion. A game taking itself too serious in story department is a torment, to the players, and game creators.  You need to find a way to loosen up a bit. 

a comment on a comment

I just read a comment from a creative director of a french game company about why certain japanese game company can keep making new versions of old game series.  then the director specified his comment on many japanese stories in comparison to the euro-america story telling. 

I felt the comment must be from the heat of gamers criticizing their seemingly effort to do new version of the game, which is directed by the director.  The comment is interesting.  First of all, the wrath of the gamers must be pretty hot...  lol  the pressure of using same engine or gameplay to make money must be very heavy.  :p  Second of all, what that certain company does is amazing.  Third of All, most of the games that certain company produced do not emphasize too heavily on "narrative" storytelling...

I am particularly sad about the comment is that it is really easy to get personal.  Calling gamers having preferential treatment on the competition says something about the director.   He is tired from the pressure of squeezing new gameplays from the existing engine, and comments from gamers about the same series.   i think he needs a break from the games he is working on.  :p 

This is not to say that I am not wondering about the same thing, how come certain company could just reinvent old series.   I think it has to do with narrative story telling, and seriousness of the game. 

story from asylum

story 2.

i love pretty things.   there's nothing prettier than a beautiful woman.  There seemed to have this controllable urge when I see one of those woman.  I could not really tell what is it really.  It's very hard to put my hands on the feeling.  The young psychologist is incredibly beautiful. 

it would be stupid to assume that I lack the knowledge of my sexual desire.  On the contrary, I know too intimately.  Too intimately.  That's why I am afraid.  A feeling to own, to grab, to be gentle, to be passionately, scared the hell out of me.  I want to be able to love them.  I want to be able to protect them.  They would feel happy, wild, secure, and satisfied around me.  But all I could must in reality is far away from all those ideals.  I loath myself.  And I loath those men who could not do any of these.  That's why I killed.   But they did not understand.  The so called police, counselor, judge, they don't understand.  So the injustice befell on me.  I killed a man of evil, that man deserved to die.  I am not claiming that I am the mouth piece of god.  but no, that man did not deserve to live. 

For 40 years, the only thing that could comfort me was the dreams of all the beautiful women I've ever met.  I consider it is blessing that, at the end of my life, I could see one last beautiful woman.  She permeates an air of calm, and she's both genuine and sincere.  I could just sit back and glee.  Looking at her for a glimpse, made a day whole to me.  I sleep most of the day.  Yes, I feel secure, and happy.  She brings peace of mind to me. 

Story from Asylum

STory 1.


I have not idea why I was here in the first place.  I tried ard to squeeze my memory for a clue.  I odn'ot know.  but why should I know?  the owrld is much bigger than me, stronger still.  it can force me to do anything anyway.  But I do wnat to know the reason of it though.  so I seardcched hard. 

I used to have 6 best friends.  But since I came to the asylum, they never came to visit.  I am very upset about it.  I thought we were very good friends.  And MY gosh, I love Rachel.  IT makes my heart broken. I used to eat almost every thanksgiving at Monica's, until chandler and mon moved to the suburbs.  I think one of the closest relationship I had was with joe, who by the way loved Rachel as well.  Ross and RAchel are now together now.  Emma must be about 40 years as well.  Emma, Emma is R and R's kid.  Phoebe and mike moved out as well.  I think that marrying mike is a mistake.  But I have no say in this anyway. 

I cried hard when I thought of them.  I thought we've been through a lot.  But they never showed up and see me.  I just could not udnerstand why.  That's not how friends treat each other.  IF I could, I would pay them a visit.  My god, HOw I miss them.  But I know, time passes.  People change.  They grow old, just like me.  Although I was tortured for this past few decades for no apparent reasons.  I hate them, but I forgive too.  I just wish to see them.   If I could extract memories of their sound and pciture, how I would wish  to do that. 

文天祥

過零丁洋

文天祥

辛苦遭逢起一經，干戈寥落四周星。
山河破碎風飄絮，身世浮沉雨打萍。
惶恐灘頭說惶恐，零丁洋裡歎零丁。
人生自古誰無死，留取丹心照汗青。


惶恐灘頭(原名黃公灘，為贛江十八灘之一。水流湍急，是最險的一灘，凡渡河者，都感到驚死，故名「惶恐灘」)


零丁洋(指仙建沿海汀州一帶*)

(來源:  http://blog.yam.com/radtz/article/1657245)


這一說法似乎和其他地方有不一樣.  其他所有地方都說零丁洋在廣東珠江裡.  我也不知道先建在哪裡...

四周星是四年的意思.

汗青:  古代用竹簡書寫前, 要把竹簡用火燒烤到乾, 用以防蟲.  期間竹片因水分跑出來狀似出汗, 故稱汗青, 又稱殺青.  這裡意指史書. 



-----------------------------------------------------


正氣歌

文天祥


 
        余囚北庭，坐一土室，室廣八尺，深可四尋，單扉低小，白間短窄，污下而幽
暗。當此夏日，諸氣萃然﹕雨潦四集，浮動床幾，時則為水氣；涂泥半朝，蒸漚歷
瀾，時則為土氣；乍晴暴熱，風道四塞，時則為日氣；檐陰薪爨，助長炎虐，時則
為火氣；倉腐寄頓，陳陳逼人，時則為米氣；駢肩雜遝，腥臊汗垢，時則為人氣；
或圊溷、或毀尸、或腐鼠，惡氣雜出，時則為穢氣。疊是數氣，當之者鮮不為厲。
而予以孱弱，俯仰其間，於茲二年矣，幸而無恙，是殆有養致然爾。然亦安知所養
何哉？孟子曰：「吾善養吾浩然之氣。」彼氣有七，吾氣有一，以一敵七，吾何患
焉！況浩然者，乃天地之正氣也，作正氣歌一首。


天地有正氣，雜然賦流形。下則為河岳，上則為日星。於人曰浩然，沛乎塞蒼冥。
皇路當清夷，含和吐明庭。時窮節乃見，一一垂丹青。在齊太史簡，在晉董狐筆。
在秦張良椎，在漢蘇武節。為嚴將軍頭，為嵇侍中血。為張睢陽齒，為顏常山舌。
或為遼東帽，清操厲冰雪。或為出師表，鬼神泣壯烈。或為渡江楫，慷慨吞胡羯。
或為擊賊笏，逆豎頭破裂。是氣所磅礡，凜烈萬古存。當其貫日月，生死安足論。
地維賴以立，天柱賴以尊。三綱實系命，道義為之根。嗟予遘陽九，隸也實不力。
楚囚纓其冠，傳車送窮北。鼎鑊甘如飴，求之不可得。陰房闐鬼火，春院閟天黑。
牛驥同一皂，雞棲鳳凰食。一朝蒙霧露，分作溝中瘠。如此再寒暑，百沴自闢易。
嗟哉沮洳場，為我安樂國。豈有他繆巧，陰陽不能賊。顧此耿耿在，仰視浮雲白。
悠悠我心悲，蒼天曷有極。哲人日已遠，典刑在夙昔。風檐展書讀，古道照顏色。

blunt and eon

JAMES BLUNT LYRICS

"You're Beautiful"

My life is brilliant.

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high, [ - video/radio edited version]
Fucking high, [ - CD version]
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

fun english phrases

look see
hearsay
make do
make believe

lady vanished afterthought

I watched this movie a few days ago.  This is a very old movie from 1930's by Hitchcock.  I compared it to one episode of Monk.  I thought the movie was interesting at the first half.  The first half of it was much better than that Monk episode, because everyone in the movie had their own motives of denying seeing the lady.  That is ingenious.  The only problem was that when they revealed the reason why the lady vanished. 

I am not very attracted to that reason...  The same reason happened in a lot of movies from England. 

why do you stay up so late?

It is 11:46 pm.  I am alone, doing nothing.  no people to talk to, no book to read, I don't work, why am I still up in this hour? 

I feel unfinished.  I am very sleepy, tired, and weird.  I was surfing through youtube, looking for reviews of games I love.  I did not see many good videos tonight, unlike last night. 

What do I want right now? 

I was reading a book called the science of yoga--the risk and reward today.  It was a really good read.  The author  is a very experienced writer.  He knew how to write, and I also felt I got many news on science procedure, physiology, and history.  I think every yoga practitioners need to read this book. 

I went to uncle's house at 8:30 pm.  They said they were going to cut cake, which was made by Lena, for my aunt ,  But Mao was not there.  So I watched women's basketball Olympic games.  Then I had cake, which was too sweet for me.  But aunt cut quarter of the cake for me to take home.  :p Wondering how to make it go away... 

I don't know how I could ever endure all these years.  No contact to the outside world at all.  I now think I must hide something from myself, so I could know what I really want.  I am dishonest to myself.  There are feelings I want to avert.  I am kind of restless.  I need to find out what I am hiding from myself.  I can keep hiding from it by eating, drinking, self-loathing.  I need to know and be able to say in front of other people what I like, I think.  Keep vanishing in front of people diminishes myself.  Not that I am important, but to do anything, good or bad, humble or haughty, I need to hold on to something of myself. 

imagination from a psychological ward

It is sad.  That I am in a prison.  Although I did not commit anything criminal.  The only thing that I have is some psychological irregularity.  Some of them doctors, or layman alike, called me psychopath, only because they claim that I could not feel what they feel.  This is weird considering they don't seem to feel what I feel. 

So now, I am in prison for a crime I do not understand totally.  At the beginning of the prison term, I was visited, studied by a group of doctors, or should I call them psychologists?  I think my disadvantage was my language, I somehow failed to make them understand me.  When that happened, they would sometimes electrify me.  They called it still the best treatment for mental patient, besides numerous advanced pills... 

One day, I was visited with another group of doctors.  They claimed that they have a way to make a better man out of me.  Since my chief problem was lack of empathy.  They tried to humiliate me, injure me, and torture me.  They claimed that this could make me understand the pain other people are going through.  I was agonized over the whole duration they were here.  Every time, at the end of each experiment, they would ask me, do I feel pain, shame, and other emotions.  I don't understand why.  Aren't me the one lacked empathy? 

Finally, those tortures were gone.  There is a new doctor in the house.  When we first met, I noticed her quiet demeanor.  She had long hair then.  I wonder why most women has shorter hair when they age.  She talked to me with an air of youth.  She said that since I am old, and it's been 40 years, the department of mental health thinks that I could take more beatings.  They would like to release me.  But some of the human-right group thought it is cruel to release me into the society now.  They decided to keep me here for the rest of my life.  I thanked her.  It is true that I would rather be here than outside, even though they tortured me here.  The young doctor said she will be the one looking after me from now on.  I was relieved and though even if she was going to electrify me, it would still be better than those callous hands that used to handle me.  The young doctor further assured me that I would not go through those earlier treatment.  I would be supervised by the new doctor with a new treatment.  Simply put, I would write and other psychological researchers will read them and make a study of it.  I was glad, though still being treated as an ape, but I would rather be a writer with a bunch of readers.  My imagination could release me.  I thanked the doctor. 

poem from old norse

Where is the friend I seek at break of day?
When night falls I still have not found Him.
My burning heat shows me His traces
I see His traces whenever flowers bloom
His love is mingled with every air.


from wild strawberry


i love this movie.  it is incredibly humane!  i've always wondered how this kind movie could be so interesting.  the directer really is an artist. 

silence

i kept feeling bottled up.
yet, it is increasingly clear that i don't have much to say.
because whenever i am with people, i have no words.
if there was anything i did with people, it is awkward, stupid, or disgusting.

when i am alone, everything loses its meaning.
even the things that was intellectual to me before.
the only thing left was the feeling of hollow.
a never ending bottomless hole. 

difference between mean and means

yes, there's a difference... 
mean is different from means.

look up the dictionary if you don't know the difference...  lol

difference in continuity

my mom found a difference between continual and continuous.  they both meant something unbroken in a rough sense.  but continuous is really in a chain without a stop, continual meant something keep occurring, but  with intervals in between.  the example they used in the 世界週刊, is raining.

if the rain has been pouring in the past few days, you may say there were rains pouring continually these few days.  this meant that there were rains, but there were also times with no rains.  if we replaced the word with continuously, then there's no intervals.  the rain never stopped pouring.

tedious knowledge...  but interesting...

一首歌詞

踏雪尋梅

雪霽天清朗，臘梅處處香，騎驢把橋過，鈴兒響叮噹，響叮噹，響叮噹，響叮噹，響叮噹，好花採得瓶供養，伴我書聲琴韻，共度好時光。
雪霽天清朗，臘梅處處香，騎驢把橋過，鈴兒響叮噹，響叮噹，響叮噹，響叮噹，響叮噹，好花採得瓶供養，伴我書聲琴韻，共度好時光。
雪霽天清朗，臘梅處處香，騎驢把橋過，鈴兒響叮噹，響叮噹，響叮噹，響叮噹，響叮噹，好花採得瓶供養，伴我書聲琴韻，共度好時光。

Would ya?

If you know the ending, would you still go through the process? 

From H. R.

I got a kindle form Wendy, uncle brought it back a few days back.  I was playing with it, trying to find what can I download for free...  As usual, I looked backward since I have no knowledge of what my contemporary likes.  I got bible, paradise lost, aesop, brother grimms and the private letters of Henry Ryecroft.  I have the Chinese translation of the last book.  But I think the translation is rough on the edge.  I tried to find this book in both library and online source, but none was found.  I am happy that I find a free one with the kindle. 

There is something really draw me to the words in that book, the private letters of Henry Ryecroft.  The hard words about life, is one of the reason I think.  The understanding of human sweat in the daily pursuit of bread is one.   I finished reading the  Chinese version until the end of Spring section of the book.  Those two topics really strike my thoughts.  Some might laugh at me about I am not working at all, how could those words affect me in anyway.  I thought of that myself.  I felt so sad that I had that thought.  Maybe I like the tough words.  Or maybe I could understand without really experience it.  But no matter what's the reason, I felt sad.  It seemed that any feeling could be understood by using sadness.

I read in English, the introduction of the book from kindle today.  I must say, some of the wording is very personal to me.  For example,

"...was, certainly not a broken spirit, but a mind and temper so sternly disciplined, that, in ordinary intercourse with him, one did not know  but that he led a calm, and contended life."

"Ryecroft had never erred by lack of reticence; as was natural in a sensitive man who had suffered much, he inclined to gentle acquiescence, shrank from argument, from self-assertion."

We all had illusions about ourselves and other people.  Some words I perceived as personal to me in some way now, it might feel like an impossible later on in my life.  But such an illusion does exist.  If it is an illusion, how do I know it is?  If it is not an illusion, how do I know it is not?  The only thing I do know is that these words does feel strikingly personal to me right now.   

random narcissistic

progress is a dance between order and chaos.  if you are talking about progress, then you are talking about a spinning coin.  a coin has two sides.  when it is silent and stiff, only one side is up, either heads or tails.  But actually there's third picture you can derive from the coin.  that is when the coin spinning.  is that an illusion?  yes, but we cannot deny the fact that it creates another picture out of the combination of the heads and tails.  And such is progress. 

when we talked about liberty, we can all ration to the point of limited liberty.  but mostly, liberty would drive itself to the point of absolution.  as we can see, the other side of the coin becomes the law and order.  the illusion of progress has to be a combination of liberty and law.  the coin not only has to stand up, it has to be spun as well.  what the coin ended with which side up is quite unpredictable.  And once it is dead on the ground, somebody needs to pick it up and spin.  when the coin gradually stops spinning, only a skillful person could make it to remain in a spinning state.  if failed, the outside force would only shorten the spinning chance. 

姑家

絲瓜(到姑家)

正月到姑家，姑家未種瓜； 二月到姑家，姑家正種瓜；
三月到姑家，姑家瓜發芽； 四月到姑家，姑家瓜開花；
五月到姑家，姑家花長瓜； 六月到姑家，姑家正吃瓜．

salesman of emotion

I am a salesman of emotion.  I sell all kinds of emotion. Let me explain.   

I am fortunate to be born in the 21st century when there are many incredible breakthroughs in medical field, especially in the mental department.  One of the greatest achievement of human being is finding out how emotion is processed, where it is originated, and how long it last.  Once we know completely about it, thanks to neuroscience,  we can start to sell it. 

It is a face that most people pursue certain emotions, like happiness, excitement...etc.  But they usually use physical means to induce emotion.  Our product, however, is much safer.  Many people would try to relax, by means of alcohol, speeding on highway, eating, sex and etc...  We on the other hand, provide either a simple pill, or a  electric product to induce the emotion that our customer want.  Customers can control the duration of the effect, level of the emotion, and with our advance product, they can even experience the emotion with a destination, which is a fantasy world, where they are safe from the physical world.

As we know, emotions don't last very long.  Some of the problematic symptoms,  like depression, or panic, can actually be cured by applying our product every day.  Our product will train your brain to regain the impaired function, and suppress the overly active part of it. 

I hope my presentation could answer your question about our products.  If you have any question, please contact us through email, telephone, or our website.  Thanks. 

English and its language

My mom was reading her watchtower magazine one day while she came across a word.  The paragraph read like this:

{Just Another Book?

"All Scripture is inspired of God and beneficial..., that the man of God may be fully competent, completely equipped for every good work."  ---2 Timothy 3:16,17.

Some people hesitate to make such an unqualified statement about the Bible....}


Now, she found that she could understand about the word, "unqualified".  So she immediately looked it up from a dictionary.  To her surprise, this word meant "absolute", "complete"!  When I got up that morning, she started to tell me about it.  I was surprised too.  So I looked it up again. And what do you know, one of the meaning of "unqualified", is "absolute", "complete".

When my sister was up, she asked about the word.  My sister read the paragraph, and then thought it meant "un-qualified".  My mom then revealed what she found out about the word.  But my sister did not really believe it, so she looked it up by herself.  She was confused afterwards and decided to as her husband.  When PQ came down the stairs, my sister asked him about the question.  My brother-in-law read the paragraph, and decided it was "un-qualified", rather than "absolute", or "complete".  And he added, the statement was not the one in the quotation mark, it was actually the title: Just Another Book?  Although my mom insisted that the statement was the ones in the quotation mark.  My sister started to waiver.  I was about 80% leaning towards my mom.  We decided to wait for the Chinese version came out.

The Chinese version was kind on the fence.  But it added more weight to my mom's case than PQ's.  I am completely convinced by my mom now.  She even went out to ask her sisters about this question.  It was to her surprise that none of her English-native-speaker sisters really understand the word, along the sentence.  All of them thought the word, "unqualified" meant "un-qualified", nobody thought of otherwise.  Even more surprised was that none of them felt the sentence was not making any senses before my mom mentioned it. 

It is official, English is not logical.  Because after this incident, there's another one.  This time the culprit is a word, "implicit".  Surely, this word is the opposite of "explicit", right?  Yes.  But that only half the meaning.  The other half of the meaning is..."absolute", or "complete"...  It is completely out of blue. English, is officially not logic...lol

五月到加拿大

我五月的時候去了一趟加拿大.  總共七天.  頭尾兩天大蓋有超過廿小時的車程.  我和我妹妹還有三個他教會的人一起去.   我們的目的是去拿一張教英文的證書.  每天大概要上個七八個小時的課.  滿密集的訓練課程.  上課的地點是在多倫多外圍的一個小鎮. 

上課的老師非常風趣.  他已教了四十個年頭了.  他今年七十多歲, 帶了一口濃重的英國口音.  不過, 還是很容易聽得懂他在說甚麼.  他教給我們四十種教學的方法.  聽他講課真是非常輕鬆.  好像每幾分鐘, 全班就會爆出歡笑. 

加拿大沒有我想像的冷.  我以為五月的時候應該還是蠻冷的.  沒想到他比波士頓還要暖點. 

我在那邊第一次吃到沙威瑪!  還有中東夾餅.  那邊似乎很多中東人.  我在吃卜派炸雞的時候, 櫃檯都是中東的小妹妹.  他們的眼睛好大! 

這個老師全球到處跑.  上課的時候, 肢體語言豐富極了.  也因為到處跑, 他各處的語言都好像會一點.  而來參加課程的學生裡, 我也聽到至少十幾種語言.  真的是很難得的經驗. 

我帶了兩百塊美金.  加拿大蠻多收美金.  現在兌換率幾乎是一比一. 

這四十種方法其實在其他地方都是要花一學期才學會的.  如今他濃縮成七天的課程.  這實在是需要練習. 

來回的路上, 幸虧有 Dom, 還有小瑋, 還以 Les.  不然就很難挨了. 

與會上有很多漂亮的女生.  真好.  :)

德州的旅遊

三月中旬, 我去了德州一趟.  自從和大表姊在她介紹的小站上聊天, 就常常想去見見大表姊, 和他的家人.  我上次見到他們已是七八年前了吧.  當時, 大姨還在大表姊幫忙帶她老二呢.  今年本來是說要在毛去德州比賽武功的時候去, 可是, 我一拖再拖, 錯失機會.  於是她說乾脆等她的小孩放春假的時候再來好了.

我在買機票的時候, 媽媽想到說, 他們可能會希望在春假期間, 有點自己的家庭生活, 所以我只買了五天來回機票.  我從星期六住到星期三.  本來, 媽媽也想來的.  因為一方面她也可以走動一下, 一方面她也可以去見佩蘭阿姨.  但是她看看機票太貴了, 就放棄了.  但是媽媽要我帶 Joanne Chang 的甜點食譜去感佩蘭阿姨看.  媽媽是很喜歡和別人共享她認為的好東西的.

在飛機上, 從波士頓到休士頓的空中, 我看到波士頓還是一片枯黃的陸地, 到了不知道是南卡還是北卡時, 地上的竟已經綠草如茵了!  我到了休士頓的時候, 還和大表姊夫提到了這個奇景.  我想我是有滿驚奇的.  波士頓s那時看起真的像是一片黃土高原... 

我到了機場先看到了大表姊夫. 第一眼的感覺就是瘦了.  他還滿得意的.  之後才看到原來, 他們全家出動來接我. 他們的老大已經快跟我一樣高了.  老么看起來瘦瘦黑黑的.  老大跟我打了一聲招呼, 我不記得小的有跟我大招呼.  大表姊問我旅途還順利嗎?  我說還不錯, 滿順的.  然後我們就去吃了一個晚餐.  很不錯的餐廳, 竟然滿便宜的.  真好.  休士頓聽說中國人一大堆, 中餐館也是.

我們第二天, 坐了車子就在他們家附近逛一逛.  結果大雨滂沱, 這麼大的雨已不能用雨來稱呼了.  要用瀑布...   還好這種 "瀑布" 來的快, 去的也...還算快...  我們還是到他們附近公園去看看.  大表姊說這公園的樹都是核桃樹.  季節來的時候, 還有專門的卡車來這裡採收果實.  我記得我們下午去溜冰去了.  老么喜歡溜冰, 大概因為裡面有朋友.  老大就沒有那麼喜歡溜冰.  溜一溜就跑到座位上和自己的老爸聊天.老大很活潑, 可以看出有一種自信.   對人也不認生.  把我來之前的害怕一掃而光.  我已經很久沒溜冰了, 繞幾圈後, 就開始練習倒退和如何停下來.  在這過程裡, 還有一個大概跟老么一樣年紀的小女孩想跟我玩抓鬼的遊戲, 但是這種追逐跑跳碰的遊戲我現在是不敢玩了... 

晚上, 我和大表姊和姊夫各做了一道菜.  我做了用烤箱拷出來的乾扁四季豆.  不是很成功,我又烤了一個茄子, 也不成功.  但是, 大表姊後來炒了點洋蔥蝦米和老乾媽辣椒醬, 加到茄子裡, 把這道菜變好吃了...   大表姊ˇ自己先炒了一支菜, 裡面是肉絲, 姊夫就笑, '你看,肉絲, 蘇州菜就是這樣的!'  大表姊夫做了一個雞, 白白的, 好像是栗子炒雞, 食譜的照片好像是紅的... 那天晚上就寢前, 大表姊還炒了一大袋的甜核桃, 那是雞蛋白和糖做成的.  細節是怎樣, 還得再問問...  

我記得我還有在他們家後院射箭, 但是, 我忘記是哪一天了...  lol

星期一, 佩蘭阿姨和表弟來了.  本來姨丈也要來, 但是, 他肚子痛, 不能來了.  表弟還帶了一個籃球, 我才注意到球就感覺有趣.　我也有類似的一顆 "毛茸茸" 的球, 玩太舊了.  他還滿興奮的.  我說我們應該玩球就好了, 不用去坐火車了.  我們就出發開了好像四五個鐘頭的車, 去做火車.  原來, 德州的人都沒坐過火車.  所以這對他們來說是一件滿新鮮的事.  這四五個鐘頭的車程, 還好有表弟和大表姊的老大.  不然就很無聊了.  老大跟我的表弟當然是很熟悉的.  表弟也很喜歡逗逗老大, 老大也很喜歡被逗...  老么呢, 坐在後面和佩蘭阿姨在一起.  老么很安靜, 不是在睡覺就是在玩 ipad.  我仔細想想, 我和老么說話的時間是屈指可數.

到了坐火車地方, 在火車上, 我和小孩坐一起, 佩蘭阿姨和表姊姊夫坐一起.  老大和老么玩 ipad, 表弟聽音樂.  火車上的時間是一個小時多一點.  我聽到佩蘭阿姨他們的聊天, 佩蘭阿姨提到他以前坐火車的經驗,  第一次坐火車就是從蘇州到廣州, 那時外婆帶著佩玉佩蘭, 還有小牛要到台灣去和外公會面.  那時大陸已經淪陷十年了.  他們帶了不少東西, 車廂也擠滿了人, 車座位上除了行李祇夠給小牛舅睡覺, 佩玉和佩蘭這對雙胞胎只好睡在座位下, 也就是地板上.  不過我回來問我媽和小牛舅, 他們好像沒啥印象.

我們在目的地吃當地的烤肉, 那鎮看起來滿荒涼的, 這火車上載來的生意想必是一個好事.  看了一個火銃的西部表演, 就又坐上火車返程.  這一路上, 大家昏昏欲睡, 我借了表弟的音樂來聽, 他朋友製作的音樂.  還蠻好的.  之後, 我們又決定到一個 Japanese Garden 的地方, 到了之後, 那地方竟然變成了中華園...蠻好玩的.  大概是給大陸買了.  那地方滿漂亮的.  完了之後, 表弟說想找個籃球場玩, 我附議, 老大竟然也舉手贊成. 結果我們繞了一大圈, 找到一個好像叫做 trinity college 的球場, 玩了三十分鐘, 就去吃大牛排去了.  因為好像有人來查了, 後來我才聽他們說,那場只給 Trinity college 的人玩... 

這期間, 大表姊看我們玩,姊夫和佩蘭阿姨在車上等.  我的感覺是,這比旅遊似乎更有趣.  但是, 我也想到那在旁觀看, 不願意插手的人, 如果一定拉他們來玩, 他們一定覺得旅遊比較白相.  這世間真是充滿了不同的人.  即使只是小小的一群家人在一起, 都有那麼多的不同.  大表姊自己或許更喜歡旅遊, 他就帶著他的女兒到處走.  我相信他女兒的眼界就從此打開.  雖然他小孩不見得有他得到的多, 因為他們還小, 但是, 他自己從 "帶著女兒到處走" 必定也有一定的樂趣.  他們又拍了那許多照片, 將來可都是回憶的好題材.  我也想到我母親和佩蘭阿姨在他們當年輕媽媽的時候比較少機會這樣做.  大表姊是滿幸福的. 

我們晚上住進旅館, 我和表弟一間.  我們聊到蠻晚的.  一開始好像是在談 NBA, 他說他最喜歡 Lebron, 他覺得 thunder 這次會贏 nba 冠軍, 他在 Portland 住了幾年...  我說, 我覺得 馬刺比較有可能.  後來又談到他現在的工作, 他的爺爺和奶奶.

第二天, 我們一大早又開了兩三個小時到 San Antonio, 先去吃了一頓墨西哥餐.  然後去走 River Walk.  記得我們還在車上討論啥是 Alamo.  表弟說是美國抵抗外星人, 老大就哈哈笑.  後來真到了 Alamo, 看到人實在是太多了, 我們就去玩一個鬼屋和那些專供遊人玩的店, 姊夫買了一張很貴的票, 讓我, 表弟, 和老大可以去玩三個店.  結果我們玩了兩個地方, 我就決定不要玩了.   大家去吃冰淇淋去...  我很浪費的...

下午開了四五個小時還多的車程回休士頓. 車上, 表弟玩起遊戲, 先是一個人描述一個事物, 然後我們猜.  再來又玩一個, 每個人寫一句話, 或一個詞語, 遞給下一個人, 下一個人要畫那句話, 或是詞語, 然後再遞給下面一個人, 那個人要寫說上一幅畫在說啥.  這遊戲是滿好玩的.  又考驗語言能力, 也考驗觀察能力, 還有畫畫能力.  先去吃頓晚飯,晚飯後又去吃個醎酥雞, 那邊也有不少台灣的食物哩!  回到表姊家, 佩蘭阿姨和表弟先回去, 我呢, 吃了太多, 還得去走走. 表姊和老大也跟我一起去走.  不對, 是我跟他們走.  他們走好快, 我都快要跟不上了.  休士頓的晚上, 還是滿熱的. 走道旁還有突起的螞蟻堆,表姊警告我, 別踩上去,這幾天應該會有人來把它弄掉. 晚上也有其他各式小蟲, 還有蛙.  他們那邊是設計好的住宅區, 走起來是滿舒服的.  雖然晚了, 還是整齊乾淨漂亮.  我也看看他們母女的互動.　感覺很有趣.  不知道是不是我去了之後, 大表姊比較常用中文和老大講話, 我記得毛回來的時候說, 好奇怪, 怎麼表姊都和他的小孩都用英文講話...  看來, 真的是我到哪裡, 那裡的中文就多一點...  嘻嘻!

他們說, 怎麼我只待這麼幾天而已, 要是多待一點, 他們還可以多去幾個地方玩玩.  我想想也是, 現在開始有點後悔.  但是, 我總是這樣, 猶豫不決, 即使現在有點後悔, 心裡還是不確定我到底要不要後悔....  這有點糊塗, 一感覺後悔了不就後悔了嗎, 還要決定啥?  心裡搖頭嘆息.   回到表姊家, 我借了一本書, 兩部 DVD, 還有一本玫瑰壩.  他家書可不少.  表姊就是喜歡讀書, 內容多是嚴肅的題材.  晚上入睡前, 又聊了聊他的小孩.  表姊似乎滿擔心的他老么.  姊夫似乎覺得不怎麼樣.  表姊一再表示老么像他.  嘻嘻, 我看表姊滿好的, 他怎麼自己那麼擔心?  他還提到說, 他小時也常常 "神遊物外".  大姨那時就希望他可以多專注在現實上一點.  他那時好像滿不喜歡大姨的做法, 但是, 現在看到了小女兒, 心裡有就矛盾了.

後來我就趕快逃去睡覺了.  再說, 我就露底了.  我會說的還不就是要有愛心, 又有耐心, 圈圈叉叉...  哈哈哈...  為人父母就是不一樣.  雖然我好像可以了解, 但是, 我不確定我是了解他的不確定如何帶領老么, 還是他對帶錯了路的害怕.  我想, 這事真是困難極了.  每個父母真的都是開路先鋒.  他們都是勇敢的.  我只能搖搖頭, 摸摸脖子, 看著.  米開朗基羅每一刀下去, 恐怕也都帶著不確定吧.  至少以我的能力, 我是不能想像, 有人可以不是戰戰兢兢的...  大姨想必也是這樣吧...  老媽又何其不是?  不談了...

姊夫把我載到飛機場, 我就和他到別, 回到了波士頓.  回來的時候, 這邊綠草也冒出來了一些.

my thoughts on video game

Video game and education.  These two sounds weird together.  There are people who think video game are useless entertainment at best.  There are the other kind of people think otherwise.  In the 21st century, there is one thing to be certain, video game is here to stay.  So, can we put two together, and get some benefit that both sides can agree on? 

One of the most accepted theory about learning, I think, is that youngsters learn many things by playing.  This belief is established from many researches and observations.  Many of the observations are from watching animal youngsters, wild or domestic.  I mentioned this because I believe playing video game cannot be excluded from this conclusion.  So what can video games provide for educational purpose?  The foremost benefit, is the most basic for any kind of education, or craft learning, Video game is great for repetition. 

Repetition, sounds so boring.  But considering, if you were playing a FPS game, what is that you do?  You watched the monitor, moved you mouse on to the target, click.  And yet, this action could be repeated through a period of time from 1 minutes up to two hours, yet most players will be happy and exciting.  This is pure repetition.  For a classic adventure gamer, in order to progress through a story, they have to solve many puzzles, no matter if it's logical, or insane.  For a historical strategy gamer, in order to play and compete with other players online, he would try to remember the different outdated tank names, air plane models, and different gun ammunition.  For some Chinese players, they would remember many poems from a very popular video games.  All of these players has to go through prolonged and often repetitive actions to play their games.  By keeping at them, most FPS players learned "Roger that".  They learned how to cooperate a strategy against the other team.  The problem is how to cooperation them into video games. 

For my personal experience.  Video game is very good language learning tool.  I played very few classic adventure games, but in order to play them, I have to understand the language.  I also have vivid impression from playing sacrifice and many other games, because the voice over and the scripts were top notch.  Some of the phrases just imprinted into my brain.  I do wonder though, if the game provided me with a quick dictionary function, so I did not have to look up a dictionary manually, would I still remember them?  However, by keep go back to play those games, I ought not to forget them. 

Repetition is essential to learn.  In my personal experience, Kumon is a good example in teaching kids learn by repetition.  But Kumon is also one of the most boring method ever.  And frankly, if you sent most kids out to sell stuff all day long, for a few months, it will produce the same results as Kumon.  Video game should not have the same problem. 

星期天

今天是星期天! 

林海音

「今天是星期天, 孩子們！」  在似醒還睡中, 我聽見他以致訓辭的調門這麼說, 「讓你們的辛苦的媽媽, 睡個早覺！」  跟著是孩子們的一陣哄堂好， 他連忙 「噓！  噓！」  的給鎮壓下去了。 

誰要說  『當今之世, 知道體貼妻子的丈夫有幾個？』  的話, 我首先要叫出反對的口號來，這種體貼的幸福， 我深深地嚐到了。  ── 讓你們辛苦的媽媽睡個早覺，我微笑地， 陶醉地， 含著這顆 『體貼的幸福的果實』 在溫暖的被窩裡翻個身。  我忽然記起，有人曾把  『好妻子』  的美銜送給我， 如果我真有這項榮譽 ── 榮譽應該屬於他。 想著想著， 當我聽見他說什麼  ｢孩子們跟我到廚房來。｣  的時候，我已漸入幸福的夢鄉中了。  但是這個幸福 (或體貼) 的回籠覺， 似乎沒有達到理想的時間， 我便被自己的一陣咳嗽給嗆醒了， 我聞見了什麼味兒， 也聽見了一陣小小的喧嘩， 是他在說話：  ｢美美， 乖， 快， 在去拿點兒報紙來， 可別拿今天的， 今天是星期天， 知道吧！｣ 

好了，我該起來了， 原來一股煤煙鑽進了蚊帳。  我首先要明瞭的是他們爺兒幾個的情形。  在廚房果然有一番新景象給我看到：  洗臉毛巾圍在飯鍋上， 字紙簍歪在火爐旁、 麥片、 牛奶罐頭、 鴨蛋、 香蕉堆在洗臉盆裡！  外子正給小兒等開講火的哲學呢！  他說：｢人要忠心,，火要空心， 懂不懂？ 。。。但是， ｢他一回過頭看見了我，｣ 咦！ 怎麼不睡覺啦？  去睡你的， 這兒有我！｣  我幸福的一笑，剛想說 ｢也該起啦！｣  話未出口， 他又接下去了：  ｢要不然， 你先來給生上這爐火再說， 大概爐子有毛病，不然不會生不著的。｣

我的孩子們用一種  『歎觀止矣』  的神情， 看我用一小團十六開報紙和數根竹皮把那爐火生著了以後， 美美開口了：  

｢爸， 火著了， 做你的麥片牛奶鴨蛋香蕉餅吧！｣  

｢麥片牛奶鴨蛋香蕉餅?  是 <<媛珊食譜>> 上的？｣  在那本食譜上, 我彷彿沒見到有這麼一道複雜的的點心呀! 

｢不，是爸爸發明的！｣ 

那就難怪了， 她爸爸發明的東西可多哪， 這一早上就兩樣了， 『空心火』  跟  『麥片牛奶鴨蛋香蕉餅』！

｢好， 其餘的你不用管了， 你等著吃現成的， 我們來！｣

等著吃現成的， 對， 我由廚房走上了我們的統艙。  我說統艙，  人家不會懂， 原來在這十幾席榻榻米上， 晚上鋪上了被褥， 就跟當年我們睡在中興輪的統艙裡一樣， 故以名之。  到了白天鋪蓋捲兒一收， 當然就是客艙了！  現在我所以說  『上了我們的統艙』 的意思，是因為被褥狼藉， 我還沒收拾呢！

待我把客艙  『表現』  出來， 那邊已經在叫吃早點了。 

關於 『麥片牛奶鴨蛋香蕉餅』， 如果當時有人看見並嚐到的話， 他們也許會說， 那實在是一種缺乏了餅的形狀的餅，而且外面黑了有點苦， 裡面稀了有點生。但它對於我，卻不是這種說法， 當他躊躇滿志地歪著頭問： ｢怎麼樣？｣  時， 我點點頭並且不由得頗為含蓄地笑了一下， 這含蓄的意義是很深切的， 或者可以說， 如果不是礙於孩子們在面前， 我一定會情不自禁地吻著他那多髭的嘴巴， 並且輕輕地告訴他說： ｢我不管人家說什麼你做的餅是外焦裡不熟， 我吃出來的完全是一種幸福的味道！｣  當然， 這種味道， 祇有我一個人嚐得出來。｣

他在得意之餘又發話了： ｢記住， 孩子們， 以後每個星期天都是媽媽休息的日子，無論什麼事都不要媽媽動手， 她已經辛苦了一個星期了！｣  最後， 他做如下的決定：

｢工作要求效果， 看， 現在才十點鐘，上午諸事已完畢， 好， 現在， 你們可以找小朋友去玩， 等到十一點半再回來， 我們分工合作， 來準備午飯。。。｣

｢但是，｣  我是要說， 早點的碗筷還沒洗哪， 院子還沒掃哪， 菜還沒買哪。。。不過他不容我插嘴，｢你放心好了！｣ 

｢不是。。。｣

｢一切放心， 包在我身上！｣  他拍拍胸脯。 

孩子們呼嘯而去， 他打了兩個飽嗝， 夾著一疊報，做 『要舒服莫過倒著、』  的閱報式去了。 

當我把碗筷洗淨， 飯桌擦乾， 廚房刷淨，院子掃淨，提著籃子去買菜時， 他也看完了報。  ｢咦， 到哪兒去？｣  他不勝驚詫地問。  

｢買菜去呀！｣  我也不勝驚詫地回答，  ── 難道他說過要請我們下館子的話了嗎？  不然他不會不知道買菜是我每天運用智慧最多的一課呀！ 

｢啊， 這我倒沒想到， 不過我們吃最簡單的好了， 實在用不著像每天那樣四盤一碗的， 比如做一個咖哩牛肉番茄土豆來拌飯吃就很好了， 像剛才我做的麥片牛奶鴨蛋香蕉餅， 不就是營養豐富， 而做法簡單嗎？｣

｢也好！｣  我蠻同意。 
｢不過，｣  他又猶豫了一下， ｢好久沒吃鯉魚了是不是？  多添個紅燒鯉魚好了。｣ 

菜場歸來， 小鬼們已經在他的領導下挽袖撩裙做準備狀了， 我進門先告訴他：  ｢今天的鯉魚都死去過久， 我怕不新鮮，所以沒有買。｣

他用一種 『何不食肉糜』  的口氣問我， ｢那你怎麼不買活的？｣ 

活的？｣  活的比死的貴一倍， 我們的菜錢裡從來沒打過買活魚的預算呀！  但我不好傷他的心， 倉促間， 便說了一句意義不夠明顯的話：  ｢活的也不新鮮！｣  好在他沒聽出來。 

｢來，我們分工合作，以求工作的效果！」  他強調早上那句話，同時轉向我， ｢你就是缺乏這種頭腦， 所以工作效果較差！｣ 

關於分工合作，工作求效果等事，我應當加以補充說明， 外子是個標準公務員， 吃了十幾年的這行飯， 雖然兩袖清風， 但是落得不少 『效果』， 去年曾因辦事效果甚佳而受褒獎， 一個國家所褒獎的公務員， 是沒錯的， 所以我在被批評 『缺乏頭腦』  後， 並沒有不愉快， 雖然我煮飯也有十幾年歷史了。 

他們又把我送上了客艙，一定不許我下廚房， 還是要我吃現成的，  我聽他分配得有條有理：

 
｢你們三個人，你剝豆、你洗菜、 你搧火、 菜由我來切， 因為對於你們使用菜刀， 我還是不放心。｣

果然大家在靜靜地進行  『效果』， 一點聲息也沒有。  這現象維持了約有二十分鐘， 廚房裡忽然喊出了一聲  ｢快來！｣  跟著是他舉著手從廚房出來了， 左手的無名指被菜刀割了一道口子， 鮮血滴滴， 找棉花，找藥水， 找紗布， 大家忙成了一團， 不過他很鎮靜， 並囑咐大家 『不要慌』。  這時廚房裡又喊出了一聲：  ｢快來！」  原來那個最鎮靜的美美還在搧火呢！  火上是鍋， 鍋裡是油， 油是開的， 我奔上前去， 從切菜板上抓起血淋淋的白菜， 趕忙丟在油鍋裡， 『碴』  的一聲， 把美美嚇跑了， 卻把他招來了。。。

｢白菜， 血，洗！｣  纏著紗布的手直向我擺。 

｢啊， 來不及了！｣  我望著躺在油鍋裡的白菜。 

在飯桌上， 我指著那碗白菜， 對孩子們說：  ｢吃吧， 這裡面有你爸爸的心血！｣

他很得意， 但嚴肅地說： ｢這種菜刀實在有改良的必要，危害甚已！｣ 

這是不能怪他的，因為他慣於使用刮鬍子的保險刀，拿菜刀還是頭一遭呢！ 

到此時為止， 星期天剛過了一半， 我實在有繼續說下去的必要，因為他在飯桌上又宣布下一個節目，  ｢吃完飯我帶你們幾個出去玩， 可以讓你們的媽媽清靜清靜。｣  然後轉向我，｢你可以睡覺、 寫文章、 打毛衣、隨心所欲。｣

不用說， 吃完飯我又是一陣刷洗， 他那種視若無睹的樣子，彷彿從來不知道人生在吃飯之後上有洗碗一事。 

在一陣翻箱倒篋之後， 有五個鈕子，三個破洞等著我來縫， 這是義不容辭的， 因為全家祇有我受過縫補的訓練， 不過他說：｢平常你如果隨手縫補， 就不會有這種堆積之苦了！｣  這種批評很對的， 從工作的效果上來說。 

｢跟媽媽說擺擺， 說： 『您舒舒服服的睡一覺吧！』｣  果然， 牙牙學語的四丫頭擺手呀呀了一陣子。 

送走了他們爺兒五個， 我卻有輕鬆之感， 是的， 我該睡個午覺了， 找補早上所失去的幸福之夢。  倒下去不久， 送晚報的來了， 該死， 我在睡午覺， 來了晚報， 都市的生活， 對於時間的觀念總是模糊的。  看完星期小說我再度入夢， 但敲門聲甚急， 想裝死都不成， 開開門來， 一片  『拜託』  聲， 原來是鄰長里長領著一干人等， 送上  『請賜一票』，鞠躬如也而去。 

時間是不饒人的， 當我陸續又為掏糞的， 送書的等等開了幾次門之後， 跟著他們回來了。 
｢睡得好吧？｣  世界上最體貼的人， 還是自己的丈夫， 我很高興地回答說， ｢睡了一大覺！  不是你們叫門， 我還睡呢！｣

又經過一場脫換衣服之後，他做本日的第三次宣布：

｢來呀孩子們！  我們該做晚飯了！｣

｢不，｣  我一步搶到廚房門口， 兩手支撐門柱攔阻著， ｢你們對我的一番好意， 我心領了， 晚飯由我一個人來做， 請務必答應我這個要求！｣


-----四十三年十二月
-----選自遊目族版 <<東青樹>>

 錄自九歌英子的鄉戀 2003