Today's nonsense

SA is closing the store nationwide since couple weeks ago.  I decided to take a look, at the same time, going to the Rockingham park mall to ask T-Mobile about new cell.  I'd like to see a Surface pro4 too.  Watched some youtube about it... 

In the RPM, I was introduced in a cosmetic store.  That sales person first gave me a sample, then had me sit down at the store to show me his product.  Then he started to do a lot of sales pitch, selling me this manicure set.  I bought one box set in the end.  I know this is a mistake.  But at the same time, I was cooking up excuses for me buying the set, like it's a gift for PL Ah Yi.  Deep down though, I knew it's just excuse...

Anyway, from then on, I went to the SportsAuthority and found out that the stock is almost gone...  So I frankly search for anything I could get.  I got my hands on fleet throw, champion spandex-ish pants, basketball...  But eventually, I set these all side,  I got my mom a shoes, and myself a basketball shoes, which I told myself during this visit, I don't need a basketball shoes... 

Anyway, the total expenses was 140+.  The two shoes were flop, because the basketball shoes was an impulse buy.   I was waiting in line with my mom's shoes, but suddenly I felt an urge to leave the line, and unsatisfied about something.  I went towards the basketball shoes section and get the first one I saw and tried it on.  The size was good, except a bit too narrow.  But again, an impulse arose from nowhere, it's like something unsatisfied... 

I went home afterwards, and found that nothing really satisfied, not even my mom's shoes.  She insisted it's okay.  But I know it's only barely.  I even drove back to RPM trying to return the Manicure thing.  Nay, it's not refundable. 

I was very upset.  I was very upset lately.  Not just for this thing.  But again and again, I act according my impulses, by speaking, by action, by many things.  I know the plan, I couldn't stick to it.  But at the same time, I know most plan are supposed to be thrown out when the real action started. 

I need to know what I want, when I talk to people?  But I need to learn tact without throwing refuses right at other people's faces.  I have to refuse and hold on to my decision firmly for now without tact though... 

I'm sad... 

To memorialize a cup

I am throwing a cup out.  This green cup has been my cup for brushing teeth since I had any memory of teeth and brushing.

My sister used to have one such cup when she's younger.  But she use a different one now.  My mom bought things for us, she never had a cup of her own.  I don't know the reason why I kept this cup for such a long time.  I just never cared about which cup I used, I guess.  I do like this green cup though.

It's a plastic cup, perfect size for brushing teeth.  It's weight like a feather.  It's kind dirty on the outside, and there are some bumps and on the bottom.  But it's quite perfect at the opening.  It has  sticker, I never peeled off.  It said W-3, W-cup, Natural Color, 台南, 穩泰.  I guess it was where it was made.   And I think it's unique that I keep it for such a long time.

The reason I am considering to throw it out is actually two.  The first one is that it's plastic.   The second one is that I want to make some changes around myself. 

It's trivial matters though...  le sigh.

After bowling

I went to bowling with company colleagues last Friday.  It was great.  But it was horrible over the weekend.  My heart was completely stocked with CJ's images.  I was crying on the way home from bowling.  Right at the end of the game, my heart sank.  I can't remember how many times I cried because my head just filled with her images. 

CJ was very good at bowling.  I know she liked it, that's why I called for it at the end of last year.  But I was horrible at arranging outings like this, it takes Da Wei to make the outing come true.  And at  last, I finally saw her in action...

We went to Lao Xi An for dinner.   Me, Tom, Tom's girl friend(Liu Wen), George went to pick CJ's cousin and cousin's boy friend with CJ.  It was always a riot with CJ and George.  CJ's sister(cousin) had a shining eyes.  They both wore, black pants, and white tops.  CJ looked good.

We arrived at bowling at 7.  We played until 9ish.  My mind just go blank, when I want to write this stuff down....



I want to tell her that I like her...really really really like her, really.!  I can't contain with myself.  I cried a second time on Sunday while doing laundry.  I really wish to hug her and give her a big kiss.  But what's the difference between that and how I treat my cat?  My sister asked me then what?  I still can't answer.  It made me look at myself more closely?  No!  I already told my sis, I will not make a move.  I constantly tell myself that CJ and I are way different.  I am just lonely.  She like a life which I can't provide.  I even once dreamed a dream that she was buying a band name bag, I laughed myself out of that dream.  That's how much I know here.  I don't really know her.  But I know myself.  And I hate myself.  I absolutely hate myself. 

I spend half my awaken time trying hard to snap myself out of self loathing and wake myself from staring CJ's images in my mind.  When we were playing bowling.  She sat tightly with me sometimes.  My heart almost melted.  I pretend to let other people sit, trying to get out of the situation.  Otherwise I just want to put my arms around her and kiss her.  Nono, what should I do?  I kept saying it's not fair...  I pine for someone, and someone did not feel a thing...  Why am I sad?  I looked around I have everything...  

During the dinner, CJ was teasing Tom, because his girlfriend was going back to China.  CJ mentioned long distance relationship.  Then her sis reminded her, who is doing the long distance relationship.   I reminded myself often about that fact.  I admire that CJ is doing that. 

But I am insanely jealous.  Insanely. 

丟掉一些東西前

我記錄一些隨手寫的文字.  都是很簡單的想法.  然後我可以把這些筆記或著記事本丟了. 


貓咪貓咪小貓咪
喵喵叫想要吃, 想要跳?
一隻坐著大大眼睛望著你
一隻豎著尾巴, 磨磳, 磨磳,
原來是想吃東西. 


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昨天做了一個夢, 夢中我伸出手去握一個我喜歡的女生的手.  結果突然發現不對.  原來, 東東也睡在被窩裡, 我還真的伸手我握住他的兩隻手, 我突然醒來, 他也被我驚醒兒跳出被窩!  很好笑

三月十一日, 2010

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方孝孺和唐順之, 一個說豫讓, 三諫不從, 當伏劍而死; 一說信陵和如姬當死於王前; 還要加一個王世貞, 他也是藺相如就死... 

全是明朝的文字... 

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Some thoughts

deadpool:

This is indeed a very fun movie.  a lot of action, and the protagonist is really flashed out.  the action scene of the high way was very impressive.  the whole thing was very raw, i mean it's takes no side steps, from dirty words to violence.  the love story was the anchor, the revenge was the energy to move the story forward.  i don't particularly like the main actor, but he did a great job here.


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white god:

it's a hungarian movie about dogs, especially mutts.  there're some parts of the story that reminded me of the call of wild.  but it turns out an alright movie.  I liked the ending.   i did not think the dog would want to attack the little girl, that bid came as a surprise to me.    I liked the way conflict raised at the end, and how it was handled. 

i found that in many ways, american movie was more wordy than the rest of the world.  in someway...  don't know why. 

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聶隱娘

看不懂,看了一半就看不下去了...  首先, 沒有字幕, 實在聽不大懂他們在講啥.  再來, 整部戲靜的可以, 而且所有的演員都不知道在幹嘛... 

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spectre

it was a fun action flick.  the last female character reminded me of eva green's character.  but somehow, i still like eva's better. 


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steve jobs

with michael fassbender.  the movie was quite alright.  the actor was immense.  i felt he caught the intensity of steve jobs, at least that's what everybody who don't really know him personally would like to think.  

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I read 3 chapters of great soul of siberia.  the writing is really good.  I liked the story of the monk ignored the bird's nest, and birds ignored the monk, then, the birds flourished. 

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Cooking concept from CI

The concepts are from the science of good cooking, by cook's illustrated.

1.  Gentle Heats prevents overcooking.

 For large roasts, where exterior meat can easily overcook and dry out before the center reaches the target temp. Low heat is the way to go.  It also retains juices in the meat.  But moisture retention has its downside, the interior may look pale.  (see concept 5.)


2. High heats develops flavor

 Maillard reaction(the French scientist Louis-Camille Maillard)


3. Resting heat maximizes juiciness

 Different size of meat, and different method of cooking the meat, will effect the optimal resting time.  The hotter the heat, the more resting time might benefit.


4. Hot food keeps cooking

The size of the the food, and the amount of heat used for cooking matters.   big chunk of heat will retain more energy in the interior, than say a pork chop.  400 degree will put out more heat than 200 degree, thus after the food left the stove, the internal temp will have effect. 


5. Some proteins are best cooked twice

 Stove top cooking, like searing, gives out great heat in one direction, downside, moisture loss; oven cooking is slow but promote even heat, and retain moisture better.  How to combine the two is essential.


6. Slow heating makes meat tender

The internal temperature is not the sole factor for how tender the meat is, but enzyme in meat, (cathepsins) will help break down the meat tissue to make it tender.  But the temperature have to be held below 122 degree F, for long time.  


7. Cook tough cuts beyond well done

 Tough cuts(like pork tenderloin) has little collagens.  By cooking them beyond well down, the collagens will be converted to gelatin, which can hold 10 times of moisture in weight compared to 1 gelatin.  Thus makes meat more tender.


8. Tough cuts like a covered pots

Braising works by long cooking time and low heat.  It changes the texture of the meat so it taste soft and tender, which makes meat seem moist.

9. A covered pot doesn't need liquid

This one is talking about Dry Braising in the oven, with a covered pot.

10. Bones add flavor, fat, and juiciness

Talking about meat cooked with bone-in.

11. Brining maximizes juiciness in lean meats

Brining meat changes it's structure of protein, which makes meat more tender, retain more moisture, and salt penetrate meat deeper.


12. Salt makes meat juicy and skin crisp

Brine meat makes skin hard to be crispy and browned.  So sometimes, dry salted meat provides different perspective.


13. Salty marinades work best

Salt penetrate further than any other marinades ingredients.  Most of the other ingredients could only affect the surface.  One of the best marinades is soy sauce based, because of it's salty contents.


14. Grind meat at home for tender burger

Home ground meat gives us more choice on textures, fat contents, and flavors.  These elements depend on the cut of meat we choose, how fine we want to grind the meat, and how tightly we want to pack our ground meat.  (Cut the cut of meat to pieces, then put in the freezer for 20-30 minutes, then we can grind them in the food processor.  The book recommend the chuck for best ground beef patties, sirloin comes the second, round is the worst.)

15. A panade keeps ground meat tender

In the book, what they called panade, is a mixture of white bread and milk, mashed up together and becomes homogeneous.  Basically, adding starch into the ground beef, along with milk, which contains lactose, which is  sugar and can help browning the beef patties.


16. Create layers for a breading that sticks

The standard procedure for breading the meat(pork chops or chicken breast), (or coating), flour, egg, then bread crumbs still holds true!  The alternative is switch flour to cornstarch, then swap eggs for buttermilk.  Buttermilk can create a lighter coating compared to egg's sometimes hefty presence. 


17. Good frying is all about oil temperature

 Frying at 325 degree  for french fries is recommended.  Frying oil have at least 5 stages, each stage can produce different results.  Five stage of frying oil: break-in(too fresh), fresh, optimum, degrading, and runaway(dark, smelly, and prove to smoking).  The book recommend a mix of 1 used frying oil to 5 fresh frying oil.  Store the frying oil in air tight container in refrigerator,or in a freezer.  Note:  Exposure to air and light hasten the rate of oxidative rancidification and the creation of off flavor and odors.  But by experimenting between storing in dark cardboard, refrigerator, and freezer for two months, the oil from freezer wins hands down!  So cold temperature is also a huge factor in storing frying oil! 


18. Fat makes eggs tender

On making an omelet, frozen cubed butter in eggs can slow down the coagulation of protein in eggs during cooking.  This will result a tender omelet in texture. 


19. Gentle heat guarantees smooth custards

Custards is a mixture of milk, or cream and egg yolk.  It's main use is for dessert.  Because of the different temperatures of coagulation pf egg yolk and white, a low and slow heating for custards becomes necessary.  The book even suggested water bath method, called bain-marie.  Because water's boiling point never exceeds 212 degrees F, plus the moisture, it's a good way to be egg based dessert creamy and smooth on the surface.


20. Starch keeps eggs from curdling

One more way to keep eggs based dessert from curdling.



21. Whippped egg whites need stabilizers

The cream of tartar, an acid, can alter the electric charge on the proteins of the egg whites, in tern reducing the interaction between protein and molecules.  Although this delays the formation of the foam, the result is a much more stable, and hold more water as well.  The other thing for whipped egg whites is the timing of adding sugar.  Adding too early, the foam will be hard to form, adding too late, then there would be little sugar left for sugar to dissolve.


22. Starch helps cheese melt nicely

Used in anything with a cheese sauce, like macaroni and cheese to lasagna.


23. Salting vegetables removes liquid

No explanation needed...


24. Green vegetables like it hot--then cold

To keep the color?  Can be related to Concept 4.


25. All potatoes are not created equal

They tested red bliss, yukon golds, and russets.  Russets has more starch, they can absorb more water, best for mashed potatoes; the red bliss is on the other end of spectrum, easily holds its shape, absorb less water than russets, best for potato salads.  Yukon is right in the middle.  There's also two different kind of starches involved, Russets has more amylose, red bliss more amylopectin.  Yukon again falls in the middle.



26. Potato starches can be controlled

For mashed potatoes, a light and fluffy finish is important.  By gently mashing potatoes by hand, the sticky starch amylose will not be easily released from the granule.  But amylose can be released using food processor, which cut through if not all but most the  granule.

note: vinegar in water helped potato keeping it's shape, baking soda is the opposite.  


27.  Precooking makes vegetables firmer

(Some) vegetables contain an enzyme called pectin methylesterase, which is active between 140 and 160 degree F.  This enzymes caused the pectin in the cell walls to more readily linked with calcium ions, which are already presented in the the vegetable's structure.  This link causes the pectin to become stronger, making vegetable less prone to break down.  The book experiment on carrots using 3 method, the first one is baked 425 degree F in oven uncovered for one hour.  The second one is covered for 15 minutes, uncovered for 45 minutes in 425 degree F.  The third one is using a water bath cooking carrots for 30 minutes first, then 425 degree F oven for 45 minutes.  The first one lost most water, the third one lost the least.  It helped the to preserve the water and thus create a better texture.

(Browning and caramelization, is different.  caramelization is more for vegetable, it's a chemical reaction with sugar in the vegetables.  Browning involved proteins which is also called maillard reaction.)


28. Don't soak beans, brine them.

The skin of the bean would be tough even  after soaking.  Tough skin on the bean would explode during cooking.  The salt in the brine water will replace the magnesium and calcium ions are replaced by sodium, causing the pectin to breakdown, which soften the skin of bean.    When cooking the bean with a little bit of salt, along with brining bean with salt, the bean will come out smooth skinned, and soft.


29.  Baking soda makes grain and bean soft

Alkaline environment can break down pectin wall.  Just don't use too much.


30. Rinsing(not soaking)  makes rice fluffy

Not so sure about this one...


31. Slicing changes onion and garlic flavor

Because it cuts the cell wall and thus release more flavor.



32. Chile heat resides in pith and seeds

Self explanatory.  :p   To preserve fresh chile, brining (1 Tb of salt per cup of water) is the way to go. 


33. Bloom spices to boost their flavor

Blooming is a technique where you take some spices and heat them up in oil to release and amplify the flavor of the spice.  Other ways to boost the flavor is grinding, and toasting(not for black pepper). 


34. Not all herbs are for cooking

 Some herbs are strong enough to be cooked for a long time and still remain in the dish, ex: rosemary, oregano.  Some are more delicate, like basil, parsley,  and cilantro, that quickly dispersed when cooked. 


35. Glutamates, Nucleotides add meaty flavor

Glutamates(谷氨酸鹽)  (Monosodium glutamate).  Some example:  醬油, 豆瓣醬, 味精 cheese, 番茄...

 Nucleotides(核苷酸)

Chicken, Pork, anchovies has certain nucleotides, inosinate, that can amplify the glutamates.  


36. Emulsifiers make smooth sauces

 Emulsifier is something that can combine water and oil.  Examples of Emulsifier, egg yolk, mayonnaise, mustard. 


37. Speed evaporation when cooking wine

Cooking temperature and time, as well as additional ingredient that can absorb liquid, will greatly impact final alcohol content.


38. More water makes chewier bread

The book showed 50%, 68%, and 80% hydration in dough.  The difference is very visible.  80% hydration cannot rise at all.  There're holes, but not rise.  50% hydration has not holes, but holds the shape together like a fist.  68% looks like a normal bread.   Depending on the preference on chewiness, the book made a pizza dough using 90% hydration dough!  (Interesting note:  internal temperature for baking bread is less consequencial than the appearance!)


39. Rest dough to trim kneading time

Full aware of this concept...  This is however, an irreplaceable concept.  The book thinks that adding salt after autolys is a better way to go.  They also experiment on which stage to freeze the dough yields the best result.  The result is between 1st proof and 2nd proof. 


40. Time builds flavor in bread

Time and Temperature, put the bread dough in the refrigerator so it yeast will work longer, slower, produce more flavor.

(side note:  refrigerate maple syrup once it opened.)



41. Gentle folding stops tough quick bread

 Mixing batter or dough leads to gluten formation.  So, depending on the preference, don't mix too much.


42. Two leaveners are often better than one

Baking soda is an alkali, it can interact with an acidic ingredient, eg, buttermilk, produce CO2.  Baking powder will can create bubbles when heated in the oven.  Baking soda also created a more alkaline environment and triggered maillard reaction too.  


43. Layers of butter make flaky pastry

Use techniques like, lamination, or fraisage to make flaky dough.  


44. Vodka makes pie dough easy

The gluten have a hard time to form when alcohol is present.  Vodka works wonder here.  


45. Less protein makes tender cakes, cookies

Watch the protein content for flour.  Making cakes and cookies can use a mix of cake flours and all purpose, no bread flour.


46. Creaming butter helps cakes rise

Creaming butter in cool temperature will help them to hold air.  The room temperature butter will have harder time to hold air.


47. Reverse cream for delicate cakes

Reverse cream is mixing fat and flour together so to prevent gluten formation.  But I need to know more about this method...


48. Sugar changes texture(and sweetness)

White sugar can produce crispy cookies and brown sugar will produce chewy ones.


49. Sugar and time make fruit juicier

Added sugar can draw out juice from fruits, change its texture as well.  I consider this concept weird...  :p  

50. Cocoa powder delivers Big flavor

Cocoa power can give out chocolate flavor not even dark chocolate can deliver.

how is grandpa and few other daily encounters

外公想要回蘇州.  這是媽媽上個星期五給我寫的紙條.  所以媽媽一從老年中心回來, 接到佩蘭阿姨的來電, 就趕去舅舅家.  我星期五晚上去了舅舅載了老王去 costco 買麵粉, 然後回到舅舅家.  舅媽就和我說了這件事.  外公趁著舅舅和舅媽在吃早餐, 從房間裡走出來, 說有人故意到我房間裡把東西弄亂, 這擺明就是要我離開這裡!  我要回蘇州!  舅媽說外公在說這些話的時候, 是用國語說的.  舅媽認為這擺明是說給她聽的.  我是同意這種說法的.   後來媽媽也從房間裡出來, 加入談話.  媽媽出來把夾心餅乾調和在牛奶裡.  我後來聽到舅舅怎麼和外公說, 外公不能回蘇州.  舅舅說現在外公太老了, 美國政府不讓他坐飛機了.  外公聽了就不高興, 說這是甚麼話, 我要到警察局去理論去!  後來舅舅又說現在機票太貴了, 要回去的話機票就要三萬元.  舅舅說我現在每個月才賺一千塊, 外公是美國政府提供的六百塊, 要湊三萬元要等到啥時哩?  外公說如果他繼續待在這裡, 他就要癡子症了... 

媽媽說如果外公再繼續想要回蘇州的話, 他就要來寫信.  舅媽說外公只是要 attention 才這樣說的.  舅媽覺得媽媽說的都沒甚麼用, 外公一定不聽的. 

隔天,我又去舅舅家,這次我是去做稅.  媽媽中午給外公做了很好喝的湯, 用大骨頭熬, 又用番茄燉煮.  我也吃了一小碗.  所以我知道.  可是到了一點的時候, 媽媽到樓上來給我看他寫的信.  原來, 他以為外公吃得好好的, 不會再提回蘇州的事了.  但是吃完飯, 外公問媽媽晚上會否在這裡吃飯.  媽媽說他要回家, 晚上舅舅會在.  外公馬上就說, 要再和舅舅說回蘇州的事.  媽媽一聽就寫說, 我們都不希望你回去...(之後我會把信抄錄上來,如果還找得到的話.) 外公也不再說啥了. 

舅舅舅媽和陳瑞紅, 林再榮謝立言,還有胡熒和吃完飯後回來.  媽媽覺得外公不再提回蘇州了, 她做了一件滿不錯的事.  就和舅舅和舅媽提.  舅舅沒說啥.  舅媽卻在一旁不斷說媽媽做得真得是好了.  舅舅和舅媽都讀了這封信, 舅媽說要把它貼起來.  以後外公再提, 就拿出來給他看. 

或許這件事就此謝幕.  但是, 我每次看到這種舅媽和媽媽的交流就感覺心寒.  媽媽似乎總是要別人說好, 舅媽又很會做表面工夫...  我感覺媽媽是知道的, 但是, 她在表面上得到了舅媽得讚許, 又好像很高興...  媽媽寫的都是真實的感受, 而且實實在在的理由.  可是, 舅舅的理由總是迂迴.  媽媽說的, 能得到別人的肯定, 那是多麼好...  我完全贊同, 也深有同感.  可是這情形實在令我覺得難堪. 

外公的物質生活是舅舅他們, 但是, 在心靈上, 外公很依靠媽媽.  實際上, 媽媽煮食啥都想到外公能不能吃.  冷也好, 熱也好, 也都像到外公.  可是又很受不了外公的批評.  我覺得這真是奇怪, 或許也不奇怪... 

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Burnt

I liked the movie.  The kitchen scenes of a high end professional restaurant was really authentic.  It brought the tension out really nicely.  I really liked the fact that it did not use sex scene to express love.  And yet, I can feel tenderness in the air. 

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Boxtrolls

I liked this movie as well.  It's both disgusting and cute!  lol  How do they manage this is in itself something worth watching!  I really liked the movie!  It's like an innocent kid, or a innocent adult as well, using a big paint brush doing a portrait of themselves!  lol 

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我昨天下班時跑到亞倫那兒去要被退的鏡筒.  去的時候實際上還想要一個鏡筒模型的清單.  但是, 亞倫不願意給.  他的用詞裡一直說 "他" 不許我查鏡筒.  這個他不是指亞倫.  所以我就問這個他是誰.  他用說整個流程根本不清楚, 所以基於這個理由他也不願意給.  我當時就為了這給或不給的問題給僵住了.  鏡銅名冊的事也忘了.  最後我說, 就算不給我做, 也得把所有的鏡銅集中在一塊.  大偉也早就在旁邊關注我們的談話.  亞倫後來急著要走了, 就帶我到他放鏡筒的地方.  我後來就把放在倉庫裡的鏡筒拿出來和其他鏡筒放在一起. 

just some thoughts

I lend Vic Bridge of Spy yesterday.  He watched it last night.  I asked him about the movie this movie.  His reaction was a surprise to me, he said it's ok, but a lot of  "blah".  I liked the movie alright, my mom like it a bit more than I.   But Vic's "blah" comment impressed me.  It somehow gave me a feeling of what Donal Trump would react to the movie, especially the speech in the Supreme Court. 

I liked the movie alright because it was really quite interesting with Tom Hanks and Mark Rylance's performance.  The writing of these two characters were really stand out too.  This is a long movie.  But I don't feel hurried, or too slow.  The pacing grabbed me at the right time.  I also liked the East German's portrayal in the movie.  They were of a jester role, but I can feel that helplessness in all of them.  They are the only one that was made fun of in the movie.  Not Russian this time.  Compared to the white night's portrayal of Russian. 

Why did Vic's reaction  give me an impression?  I guess that the movie had a message, and it's quite clear too.  Many reviews pointed it out as well.  There is nothing wrong with the message.  It's just seldom applied in reality.  So...it's more like a advertising line.  Because in reality, just like the most people in the movie, people will never admire spies, not then, not now. 

However, I still like the message though.  I liked the ideals.  To admire the opponents, not him personally, but admire the qualities, stand firm with his cause, never turn away from the battle, never lose dignity... 

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We have a new procedure at work.  It's about RMA Scopes.  For 2 years now, I was inspecting those scopes.  Sometimes we ship some warranty scopes back to customer.  But Jon wants get a better tie with the customer, he wanted us to take entire RMA scopes from the customer.

I first heard of this back December.  Frank had a meeting about it yesterday with customer service, engineer, and warehouse.  I don't really know what to ask, or what to say at all.  So most of the time I was just listening.  I asked a question in the mid of meeting, but then I got to go back to work in warehouse.  My question must be stupid, because everyone was looking at me funny.  lol 

The first such scope came today.  And it already is a fuzzy case.  First of all, it's not our scope.  I thought I just inspected it like before.  It seemed fine to me.  Then,  I decided to show it to the engineers.  First I thought of Aaron, but he's not here today.  So I showed it to Wei.  Then Wei showed it to Alex to determine if this is our product of not.  That's where it get interesting. 

Alex seemed a bit frustrated.  He asked for the result of the meeting from yesterday.  Wei showed him a set of rules or procedures Aaron and Wei typed yesterday.  Then Alex said he did not care about those details.  The most important thing he asked Wei was "why does Engineer involved in this procedure."  He repeatedly asked this question. 

That's an interesting question.  Because before this, for the past 2 years, RMA scope only go through me and Customer service.  I don't know how often Aaron reviewed the report I printed.  But I doubted it would often.  So yes, why would Engineer be involved in this? 

In Alex's mind, when we get the defect scope from end customer of RMT, we immediately shipped one out back to that end user.  The defect was for me to inspect at my leisure.  And to gather the possible cause and quantity, if the defect had some kind of trend, or some huge quantity suddenly showed up.  Then and only then, the Engineer should be alarmed.

I know from yesterday's meeting that as long as the quantity does not exceeds 1-2% of our production, this would be fine.  However, the actual procedure, it's murky.  

I found it's interesting to hear Alex saying we wasted our time at the meeting.  We did not ask sensible questions.  To me, personally, with murky procedures, and still so much questions on the table.  It is true.  The meeting was a bust. 

The procedure should  be two prong. 

• One is purely customer service.  Not taking of RMT, but their end users.  Fast respond time, quick and accurate decision on which replacement scope to send. 
• Second one is internal monitoring for the type of defects, and quantity.  

The first one should only involved Anne, maybe occasionally Frank.  The procedure should be to find a way to notify Anne that we have an RMA scope shipped in.  For this part, Frank need to give both Customer service and Warehouse a copy of the list of tickets.  So Anne would know End user's address.  For warehouse, so we could input in the datasheet with ticket number, Receiving date, Defect type, QTY received.  Then warehouse would pick out the replacement scope, if warehouse could not find a replacement scope, then, engineer will be needed.  After that we received picking ticket from Anne.

The second should be a periodic things.  After certain period (to be determine), the datasheet  should be forwarded to the responsible engineer(to be determine) for review.

But Vic mentioned another great point yesterday at the meeting, how are we going to dispose the defect scopes?  Need further discussion.

Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working? 


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I wish CJ was here.  I leave work, drive on the road.  I found myself talking to her.  I was sitting at the table, I found myself thinking of her.

But it's all an illusion.  Grand illusion.  That little girl....  I so wish to hug her, cheek to cheek.  

Turn turn turn

Turn Turn Turn
(Judy Collins version)
Music: Pete Seeger
Lryics:  Pete used Book of Ecclesiastes, Bible

"Turn! Turn! Turn!"

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late!

電影關後趕

When Marnie was there(思い出のマーニー)

I did not expect too much of the movie.  The first I noticed the movie was through its theme song.  It's haunting, even now.  I loved the movie very much!  There were two mysteries in the story.  The protagonist was one, and her experience throughout the story arc was the second one. To me personally, I felt I could identify with the protagonist's feeling.  The guilt, the self pitying, and the revulsion of realizing some of the thoughts inside, and all of the above created a emotionless surface.   She however, met a girl about her age.  They became fast friends.  Both girls radiant mystery.  

The drawing and music was amazing.  Let me just get these two out.  Absolutely gorgeous!  The sound effect was such that it pounded my heart even when I don't really have a surround sound.  The two girls were such different characters.  The other characters like the couple were endearing as well.  

But what should I say about the movie.  What was I feeling?  It made me tossing and turning last night.  I had a hard time getting into sleep.  I felt kind awkward about the two girls kept hugging each other.  Don't know why I felt it's  a bit lesbian tendency.  Even now when I thought back, I still felt awkward.  I guess that complete openness between two characters are kind weird.  Until the end when the secret was out that Marnie was the girl's grandmother, I seemed to relieve.  I was surprised to find myself writing the above thoughts.  The surprise was not that I felt weird about two girls hugging, but the surprise that I wrote it down.  lol  

It did made me tossing and turning for at least 2 hours last night.  I felt sad.  Maybe I am jealous.  That closeness to a person so completely, no matter how happy, how sad, or how guilty I felt, nothing could separate between the two.  But it came with an effort, no?  The girl has to forgive first?  Yes.  

I loved the couple Anna(the protagonist) moved in with.  They provide a sense of stability, loyalty, and openness.  

At the end of the movie, Anna gained her family back, Marnie stayed, her mother stayed, and most importantly, even when Anna is alone,  I felt that there were people living in that heart of hers, and it's love.  

--------------------------------------------------

Mr. Holmes.  

I saw this one about 12 at noon today.  It was a really good movie.  The characters were all filled with complexity.  The movie was about Mr. Holmes at age of 93 trying to figure out why he quit the detective practice 30 years ago.  The way to do this was trying to recall the last case he took.  However, his memory was failing him.  I saw a movie critique called this movie "still Sherlocke".  What a clever remark!  But to me it's a lot better than Still Alice, way better.  

 Let me say this first, the cinematography was fantastic.  I just saw 思い出のマーニー, and I could not stop comparing the two.  It may be weird to compare a real life movie to an anime.  But it was a compliment, I think.  The actors here really brought the characters to life!  

Now, what was my feeling on the movie?  When the ending was rolling, a phrase, "practice being kind, rather than being right." showed up in my head.  It's a line from the movie, "the silver lining play book".  

Ian Mckellen was an amazing Sherlocke Holmes.  His performance switched between a 70 years old man and 90 years old man was astounding.  Such contrast was amazing to me, it's so endearing to me since my 90 year grandpa moved back in the state.  It was endearing performance, also a reminder as well.  The mother and the kid were acted out perfectly.  They provide great dimension to the story.  

It's weird.  I thought I would have more to say.  But right now I searched nothing.  The only thing I still want to say is that it's a very good movie.  lol  

results

媽媽今早打電話來提到他寄給我和我妹看的健康 2.0 影片.  這一集裡提到油漱口.  她說不確定有無寄給我妹, 所以她叫我再寄一次.  我昨晚才到我妹家, 她提到了媽媽最近寄了一些影片.  她的口氣裡好像不太想看. 但是在電話裡,我沒有和媽媽說. 我心裡是覺的這不用做了. 

我剛剛又突然想想, 媽媽會否知道小瑋其實不大看她寄的影片?  如果她知道但是還是會想到要寄, 似乎很奇怪.  因為以結果來說, 是沒有啥好預期的.  但是, 會否像 歌林多前書十三章裡提到的:  凡 事 包 容 ， 凡 事 相 信 ， 凡 事 盼 望 ， 凡 事 忍 耐 。

我通常視結果成敗來決定我的行動.  雖說有時候, 在逆境時, 我會好像有種接受並迎接挑戰的心態.  可是大部分時候, 成敗的想法又決定了我的猶豫不前最重要因素.  我以為我看到了結果. 做了結果或許仍沒有, 但是不做是不能有結果的.  

這是老生常談.  可是我在想, 為啥媽媽還是這樣做呢?  或許是因為愛吧.  很多因素加在裡面, 才能顯出來.  愛卻是一切的源頭.  老生常談只是理性上的理解, 在我身心上還不能發揮.  

Tomorrowland impression

I watched Tomorrowland.  It was  really good movie, although the ending was not good.  From the beginning, it really grabbed my attention with many twists and mystery.  There were two girls in the movie, one is mystery, the other is the guide for audience.  The guide was really good.  I was awed and twisted with guide.  The mystery girl was incredible.  The composer she displayed on screen really went beyond her age.  The pace of the movie was excellent until the end.  GC of course, was not bad either. 

The ending was sad though.  It created a mysterious world throughout the film, but could not bring it to life in the end.  The theme of the movie reminded me of another one.  But I can't remember the movie. 

The reason I watched this movie was purely because of its trailer.  The first trailer was really awesome!  :) 

two movies impression

I rewatched rocky last night.  I really liked it!  I think the theme was simple, the focus was very monotonous.   But it flashed out with substance and emotion.  Compare to Creed, I felt I can empathize with Rocky than Creed.  I felt I can understand Rocky and his people around him better. 

------------------------------------

Stardust

I remembered I watched it once.  But somehow, it was not impressive at the time.  I remembered that I had other things in my mind.  Or, I was doing something at the same time.  So I was not impressed. 

But man, oh, man, it's such a good fantasy movie.  Very classic story line, awesome chemistry between characters, and most importantly, there's humor, which did not take you out of the movies!  I felt I was taken out the movie by some of the humor in the Princess bride. 

I like Stardust!  The story was a boy trying to charm his first love by getting a falling meteorite.  But by crossing a wall by his village, he entered a magical realm, thus his adventure began.   The image captured here, landscape, daily life, I can feel the weight and wear, grandeur and color in almost every shot.  The characters are likable as well!  The magic in the movie felt realistic and fun. 

A truly great movie! 

Still alice's endings.

I don't know why, but I thought the movie's ending was bad.   I liked the book's ending better.  But I could be wrong, no? 

One ended with families still together, the other ended with one left for its career. 

Really don't like the career pursuing one.  But again, would it be regretted if not pursuing career? 

somet thoughts

I kept wondering about one thing.  How come I work so hard at work place, but when I come home, I changed to something else?  Whatever I worked on at work place was not mine.  When it came to what is really mine, I slack off!  Outrageous!! 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I told Vic that I was going to watch ant-man at the end of work, 2 days ago.  He said he hasn't watched it yet.  Like usual, I expressed my surprise.  He must have thought it funny.  So he said he will watch it that night after work and we will have something to talk about.  I thought it was a funny idea. 

He did not mention the movie yesterday.  I thought it must've been a joke.  I said something in the end of day.  Yeah, he must've been joking.  And yet, I carried for two days. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Still Alice Impression

I read Still Alice a couple months ago.  It was a good book to read, really.  The author has an easy and crisp style.   I felt like whatever author wanted to convey, I could easily grasp them.  The characters are well defined, they all have a distinct feels.

There are many things impressed me in that book.  But there's one thing I kept going back.  The distance the husband showed when he found out that it's true and irreversible fact.  He seemed to want to try to stay as before, like nothing had happened.  He even want to change the environment and career with his wife!  It seemed so inconsiderate to the sick.

I felt like I've seen it somewhere.  Getting distance does not necessarily mean to be far away.  My silence could also meant that.  My ignorance of life could mean the same thing as well.  This drives me nuts.  I wish  I could be more passionate, more filled with joy.  Above all,  I wish I could feel compassionate towards my mother.  I felt I must be aloof and distance towards her.  For, I am silent around her, and ignoring life at the same time.  It must make her felt insecure deeply.

Uncle once said something, it seems to me that he meant there are a lot of stuff, he wanted to accomplish, but could not.  It could be due to time, or slacking off, or something else.  I felt that too.  I always have some ideas popped into my mind, but after a while, I'd forget what it was.  Then there would be times when I felt I got nothing to do and lonely, I would be scratching my head, pulling my hair, heart and belly all boiling, without knowing what to do!  I need to make a to do list.  So when those times come, I  could held my list and at least, knowing that I had options!

By doing the above thing, what I wished to accomplish was, by doing those things, I could felt a bit useful, strengthening my psychological fortitude, by not forgetting what I meant to do.  Not the things, the company requires of me, not the things my family requires me, or friends, for that matter.  But something I wish to do!  I hope I could find out it, are them worth it, or not.  If it's worth it, keep it; if it's not, kick it.

The passion for life, must be deep within.  Through action, by completing them, I hope a visualization would keep the inner fire burning.  

Because of her

漫畫:

Beck 搖滾新樂團
排球少年

電影:

ant man

Some thoughts

Mr. Wang is my grandfather's helper during the week day.  My mom kept asking him if he want to go to congregation.  He said yes on Friday.  So mom called April to schedule a ride.  However, it turned out that my sis cannot go today.  April wanted to arrange a bother to take Mr. Wang.  But Mom immediately said no.  She said, Jack will do it.  Her exact wording was: "如果我叫小杰去, 小杰就會做..." This bugged me.  And I immediately told her after she ended her call with my sis. 

The result was she could not sleep last night.  I was still bugged and disgusted with myself about revealing this to her.  I do want to please her, and like I told her, I will do it almost no matter what anyway.  Why would I reveal that to her?  This caused 2 things, she can't sleep, I felt disgusted about myself. 

However, that line really bugged me.  I still think that I am constantly looking for comfort.  Anything that could comfort me.  Just about anything.  This low self esteem thing really needs to go!  I kept trying to find out what I want.  I am still trying!  Because I thought if I know that, I would make myself a better person.  I could stand tall with other people, psychologically. 

I felt really short when compared to whoever!  I tried to comfort myself with stories I created.  But it failed again and again.  Because a dream is a dream, I am still here, could not go and do anything!  I dreamed of having a girl like CJ or Nono.  But when I see myself. that disgust would not go away.  I am not a complicated guy.  I am not that deep.  I thought if I could figure what I want to do, and go for it.  Dedicated myself to it.  I would be more complete.  I'd be happy, my mom would happy.  And I could maybe try to find a girl like CJ or Nono.  I don't know what I want to do!  16 years ago, I sat on the mud room's step, back to my mom, and said to her, I don't know what I want to do.  Today, I still am.  If anything, I'd wish for a hug and a kiss from CJ right now. But by golly, that thoughts was horrible!  I keep shaken my head sometimes, trying to shake it off.  The more I look at her, the more I am more obsessed.  That cannot be the only thing I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I feel I could do more.  But maybe I can't.  I record some thoughts here, and yet, when I reflected back, those thoughts are shallow at best, utterly not understandable at worst! 
--------------------------------

Anyway, I gotta learn to filter what to say!  Before I even said it!  That report said that I used a lot of energy to suppress feelings.  But how to let those feeling out, without hurting anybody?!  I know I did try hard not to touch sadness and anger, but it seems the more I tried, the more I failed!  The emotion for withholding sadness and anger must be fear.  So the only thing I could display is smile, or utter reclusive. 

JediAcademy impression

I just finished the game first time since I bought it long ago.  I think the game was really well designed.  In terms of combat, I did not like it though.  I had a hard time controlling the movements.  I cannot see which swing I used to kill my opponents!  But different kind of forces was fun to play. 

The platforming part of the game was alright.  It had some kind of design, but not whole lot.  The game designers used this mechanic for finding secret areas.  But there's no design for flow or rhythm in them.  I don't really like the jumping mechanics either.  It has a flowing through air feel to it.  But it was much better designed than Oni.  Oni has only flipping, but here, in Jedi Academy, you could do vertical wall run, in theory...  Because I still cannot control it, not sure if it's text sensitive.  JA have better level design, so you could really use force jump sometimes, unlike Oni...  All that sliding and flipping, were wasted. 

Overall, it's a more complete package, compared to Oni.  But the combat really bugs me.  It's too fast and flashy for my taste.  If I do more practice, maybe I could get a feel for it.  But  I don't really have incentive to do so though.  

Yesterday we karaoke

My sis and her husband came for karaoke yesterday.  we first used ps2, it was really fun.  Then we used youtube and roku combo for chinese song.  It was really good too.  I've been wanting to do that for sometimes now.  It was great.