智慧手機之前是怎樣的

 I am always a late adopter.  I remember when I first came to the email, I thought to myself, why?  What's the use of this?  I also remember my sister talked to people online to the deep night during high school era(maybe after high school... not sure).  She learned to type Chinese really fast using ㄅㄆㄇ back then.   Me, I am always ambitious, I said I want to learn 倉頡, which I did and was okay in speed.  But it's been such a long time, I've already forgot how to use it.  

At high school, a lot of people were already crazed about technology, programming.  I remember some people even used their Texas Instrument Calculator to code and write their own games.  But I only heard it and never saw it  My friend Eric was a computer nut.  His idol then was Sony's CEO.  He's the first one I saw putting computer together from ground up.  He made one for us too.  But for all these, I don't seemed to be interested in technology much.  Except video games.  

I've always want to play video games, seeing other people having fun with it all around me.  We played Mario at 小寶外婆家， watching him play 光榮三國志 at his place.  I seldom play games in middle school, because my mom disapproved it, and so was many of my classmates' parents.  Then when we came here, I saw Roger played streetfighters.  I was impressed, and so was my mom.  Roger was such a good kid.  My mom got a Super Nintendo from Taiwan when she came back.  Sadly, I did not play a lot of nintendo games, that's sort of a trend for me, interested in something then forget about it.  Then there's Sky who showed me the most popular computer RPG game from Taiwan at the time, 仙劍奇俠傳.  But that did not stick either.  Weirdly, what sticks was the PC typing game and civil war games I played at my uncle's house.  I also saw Final Fantasy VIII at Tony's place, where Sky was friend with for a time.  Oh, I almost forgot, there was my cousin's play station.  We had a good memory of Metal Gear Solid and Bushido Blade.  And don't forget the other cousin at Texas, he had a nintendo64, I played Zelda Ocarina of time.  But weird enough, I did not join the computer games during my high school era, because the craze among my high school mates were starcraft, which was played by Henry, Dan, and others.  I guess at the time, the only thing I was really interested was basketball.  

Later when I went to the college.  I was alone.  The technology was still not anything to me, excepts downloads.  There are a lot of stuff to download for free.  That period of time was the first time I was totally left alone.  I could not help but attracted to the pc games.  I do not know why.  I think the magazine I got from Henry somehow made me obsessed.  Especially after I played a couple demos, Oni, Shogun Total War, Outcast, Sacrifice, King's quest 8, Prince of Persia Sands of Time...etc.  Almost all the games I mentioned was from that Magazine!  That Magainzine was in Chinese.  

After I quit college, movies and video games, mainly Total War, filled my time.  It was a strange time, because in my memory, only video game, movies, and cats.  All the others are a blurr.  I did not have friends in the physical world, only online.  There are very good communities in form of forum.  I especially remembered a forum called avant or something like it.  I participated in it, because it was a small circle of players.  Then there's the total war community, I played a lot of medieval total war.  A lot of them are European players.  I learned some European history there.  

Besides video games, I did not have much technology experience.  I don't really have a cell phone, until later, which was not a smart phone.  I did however built a pc from ground up with the help of my brother in law.  Then I build another one for my cousin.  The spec for both of those pc were mediocre at best.  But it was a fun experience.  

My sister on the other hand is always an early adopter.  She and I bought our first digital camera, it was a canon elph with 5x lens zoom.  I think we bought it after we got our cats.  I did not have a digital camera, so the first group of pictures of my cat were taken by my cousin Mimi.  Then after that my sister and I decided we need one too.  But just like before, I did not use it much.  The evidence of me wasting a camera is the amount of cat pictures I took which is not much.  Such a regret, but now my regret is even bigger, because after I got my first cell phone, I started to shoot a lot.  I thought I don't need that camera anymore and ebayed.  I regret a lot, because I kind want to learn to shoot using camera now.  I am not able to find similar one with viewfinder...  

rAnDom

 當我還小的時候， 我的母親還算年輕。  他有力量帶著我和妹妹到東到西。  他自己不會騎腳踏車， 所以他帶我們去學。  無論自己多累， 腰都快斷了，我們還是學不會。  還好，林慧珠阿姨告訴了他一個祕訣， 我們才學會了。  以後大街小巷到處騎，蔣阿姨次寧聽到了大吃一驚。  那會不會太危險了？  我們一學會腳踏車， 等我們把林慧珠阿姨給我們學習的車讓給別人後， 媽媽很大方的給我們一人買了一台捷安特的腳踏車。  當時，這是一筆很大的消費。  小瑋那車我的印象裡是非常好的。  一台粉紅的， 踩踏起來非常順溜。  我是一台藍色的越野車， 一看就是當時流行的款式。  可是我印象裡， 小瑋那一台放在一樓， 沒多久就給偷走了。  我的有一次騎去時報書店，結果也被順手牽羊了。 

我的母親是喜歡健康的。  可是在他印象裡， 我們兄妹倆都滿病弱的。  小瑋小時候有一次不知怎地，誤服了媽媽擺在抽屜裡， 用衛生紙包著的乾燥劑。  台灣潮濕， 媽媽就利用一些買來的貨物，包裝裡剩下來的乾燥劑。  可是不知道小瑋是肚子餓還是怎的，以為是糖果， 結果造成了嚴重的影響。  我呢， 根據媽媽的說法， 我一出生， 外婆就出了意外， 結果他把我放到大嫂家； 大嫂說我難帶的很。  回家後依然是大吵大鬧， 讓爸爸很不能睡覺。  之後， 我又有不能大便的情形。  我兩歲的時候， 小瑋出來沒多久， 爸爸住院， 於是乎我們又交給別人帶。  這些事情讓他很難過， 他覺得那些時期是小孩成長的重要時間。  結果他都因為這些原因使他沒能好好帶我們。  稍微長大後， 我們又都有氣喘的毛病。  我還記得在景美的時候去看小兒科， 就在羅斯福路上， 離我們家不遠。  打了針，手臂還會腫起一塊。  後來我們氣喘都是給爸爸看， 嚴重的時候要在嘴下巴上扎四針。  

這些都加強了媽媽要使我們健康強壯。  讓我們去學游泳， 常去爬山，學籃球，  學乒乓球。  希望可以藉此讓我們強壯起來。  一開始因為爸爸糖尿病， 他開始看了很多有關健康的書。  他也常常耳提面命的說要糙米飯， 多吃蔬菜， 不要在外面吃攤子零食。  我印象裡最深的就是我們在外面買最多的食物是饅頭。  當時金山南路附近有很好的饅頭店。  除了饅頭和偶爾的老張豆漿店， 我們很少外食。  當然也是因為家裡有阿媽，算是我們的保母。  他一直做到了我們五年級。  當時阿媽做過餐館， 他在炒某些青菜時會勾芡。  但是媽媽就跟他說不要勾芡， 因為勾芡是澱粉， 對爸爸的糖尿病不好。  另外， 我也不怎麼喜歡，吃起來黏黏滑滑的。  媽媽長久以來都希望可以吃健康。  所以他也曾試著種植小麥草。  結果小蟲一堆， 菜汁打出來爸爸也不怎麼喜歡喝。  後來就不種了。  他也試了好幾種健康食品， 和他的朋友一起做過直銷。  我印象最深的就是先尼雷德的產品，他們號稱是中藥提煉。  有食品也有肌膚保養品。  媽媽在我國中長青春痘的時候，就常常幫我擦臉。  還滿有用的。  

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some thoughtsonWarriors

Some thoughts after watching highlights of w vs n last night:

• I feel clay cannot play efficiently for 30 minutes.  He's still a deadly shooter.  But need to insert him at right times.  I wish he will remember shawnLivingston.  Starter or bench is merely an illusion.  
• W's loss was not because ofJokic's shot.  If they can trade basket, 1:1, then they win.  If they can trade basket 1:2, they still won.  I even think if they trade the basket 1:3, they might hold the winning ticket.  But as it turns out, they cannot score.  
• The turnover at the last second was a mystery to me.  Because Cp was much closer to SC, why did he did a cross court pass?  Without that turnover, the worst scenario was overtime.  I do not understand...   Even if Cp cannot shoot 3, the pass was shorter and safer.  

I have a problem

 I have a problem.  It is always there but I feel it is now exasperated by the covid isolation.   I am taking my glasses off now for the hope that this will help me to write without auto correct myself too much, to the point I cannot say what I want to say.  

I am not talking anymore.  For al lthe things out of my mouth was rehashed and recycled, and repeated.  But i don't have energy and no time, no thought to do anything beyond what's given.  When i was in the gym doing yoga flow, I feel I was restricted.  I felt there're more things to do, to go beyond.  I quit the gym.  I did nothing.  I might have something in my mind at one time or another.  But scattered my thought, when I finally emptied my self to think what I want to do, my thoughts were scattered into the four wind.  And this happened again and again.  

I want to put an photo book for my cats.  and yet, it's been three years and plus.  I did not  I need glue.  I can't believe I's say that.  But it is true.  I went to shopping around grocery...and when I got home, I'd say, oh, I forgot to get glue.  Next time then.  I have the photobook, even got metallic pen.  I just need to print the photos and glue!  

Movie afterthought

 I watched MissionImpossible7(DeadReckoning Part1).  It was really good.  I was going to theater for it during the summer but got lazy.  Now I regret it.  

I feel the story was kind uninspiring.  However, when I watched it through, I did not feel the time passes and really genuinely interested in the story.  I think the uncertainty became the strength of the movie.  The new introduction of female character Grace was really good.  The actress is excellent in the role, which created such chaos, and her distrust of people around her, really create a curiosity of what's next.  

And I still need to give chop to TomCruise and his team.  Their action scenes were thrilling throughout.  I mean besides JackieChen, who else is still doing a similar thing and doing so well and refreshing.  There are humor, intensity, and I feel like I care about Tom's character and his people.   

Few funny spoilers:

while Benji let the car self-drive, why doesn't the AI kill him?  I saw someone mentioned it, I thought it was hilarious.  But my guess is AI must have calculated to allow it to happened.  But we'll see...

the other funny thing is, when they mentioned the world power looking to gain control of the Super AI, there' no mention of 中國....  LOL???!!!!   I feel it is because of the thin skin personality of 中國.  

Random

 又是一年過去了。  我感覺我的人停步不前的人生已有廿七年了。  這期間， 我只是不斷的恐懼。  在恐懼下， 我形容自己的情況就是， 眼光離不開腳前三尺。  我回首這一生， 自己真正做的任何事， 只有看書， 看圖， 玩遊戲， 看電影。  這些，是我自己會去做的事。  我會去找找有無我要看的書， 好看的圖， 想為的遊戲，和想看的電影。  但是， 自從冬冬走後， 我就不怎麼玩遊戲了。  最近幾年，也就是 新冠後， 我也看不到我想看的電影，尤其是新片。  書是我和自己說我一定得要看點書， 因我既不和人溝通， 也不怎麼在內心裡和自己說話，我的語言神經會因此而更快速的枯萎。  至於看圖， 自 2016 年有了手機， 看圖還加上照相。  但不知怎地， 我也少照了，而且以前在 IG 上貼圖的快樂也來自於標題或著文字的敘述， 但在 寶寶過去後， 我明顯的感到文字在我腦袋裡枯竭。  寶寶的死， 實在讓我內心難過不已。  難國不已。  

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時間很快的飛逝， 我始終無辦法感到重新開始。  在寶寶之後。  但是， 時間的流逝真的是不等人的。  大哥也快走了， 實際上， 我感到媽媽已是。  媽媽現在有個情況就是不敢講話。  這是我害的。  因為他實在很害怕講了甚麼會讓我暴跳如雷。  他前天想洗門，大概因為看到小瑋的門都很乾淨。  我看到了問他，他才說。  昨天我總算找到了一個可以去除地板黑垢的清潔劑， 也是因為他前天晚上和我提的。  也許他還是會說的， 也許他的語言神經也因為在 Sister Hine 走了之後， 在無人和他那樣向朋友一的無拘無束地聊天。  真的， 每個人都需要有這樣一個可以聊聊心裡話的人。  兒子是無法取代的。  還好他依然有上帝的會眾。  真的是衷心感謝！！！

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Hearing DameJudy Recites

 Sonnet 29: When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes

BY WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,

I all alone beweep my outcast state,

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,

And look upon myself and curse my fate,

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,

Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,

Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,

With what I most enjoy contented least;

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,

Haply I think on thee, and then my state,

(Like to the lark at break of day arising

From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven’s gate;

       For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings

       That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

I heard DameJudy recites this sonnet from GrahamNoton's show.  

When she started, everyone was silent.  A very short passing, but completely transformed a very comedic stage.  

Afterward, ArnoldSchwarzenegger said, wow, this sonnet has more lines than all his dialogues in all his movies  combined.  Made everyone laugh!  

Graham's show is always fun!  

烏森達達鳥希巴辜

 很難用文字寫下來。  

我很難做任何事情。  我似乎很沉默。  

剛剛吃了一個市場買的冷凍粽子， 好難吃。  

尾巴

 看到 BassenJousseff  在 PiersNorgan 秀的採訪。  

尾巴的問題實在是國名的問題。  我跟媽媽說只要改成麥當勞就可以把尾巴統成一國。  但那是笑話。  嚴格來說，把國名定成亞伯lahan，倒是一個可行的辦法。  當然， 那對基本教義派的人來說還是不行的。  

Endeavour series random jot down

 I finished the tv series finally.  I was afraid I might not be able to see season 9, so I halted viewing on amazon for a while.  But then I found out that my library has season 9 DVD.  So I resumed watching again a couple weeks ago.  

I have to say that I can only understand half of the show.  The series isfrom England so there're lots of references and phrases that I don't understand completely, even with captions on.  I think I will go back and watch some of them.  

I really like the production of the series.  The music, the cinematography, the clothes, the mannerism...etc.  The character development, though I think it's reasonable, was hard to stomach for me at time.  I can't elaborate too much.  I might be able to pinpoint details after a second viewing.  I really like the cinematography, there are many shots I really like!  

This Endeavour character has a weird history with women.  It seems that he is really attracted to female but has hard time to express true feeling.  It's like he realized this trait of his, so he use the work to divert his own attention from it.   

For some weird reason, I feel this young Morse is a bit like Sheldon in BBT.  lol  

Morse and Thursday cannot be less similar to each other.  But they complement each other quite well.  I read somewhere that Thursday looked at Morse like a son which I think is a keen observation.  

For a policeman, I have to say Morse is really delicate, looks skinny and no physical presence, unlike Thursday and Strange, but similar to Mr. Bright.  There's always some weakness in similar setup, like mentalist and monk.  If they are brainy, then they have a weak physical presence.  But there's also different approach, like Reacher series, orBatman.  I did not dig deep into either series so I am not sure if they have other weakness.  

I am reading the first novel for Morse right now.  We'll see how I like the character there.  

Texas Trip scattered thoughts

 這是新冠後第一次長途旅遊。  和媽媽還有舅舅。  我們走的路線很基本， 佩蘭阿姨家， 啟聖叔叔飯局， 和文莉家。  幾乎沒有到別處去。  就是 Clayton 帶我們到附近的 Somerville 州立公園兜一兜， 之後到 Brenham  去吃飯。  然後去 Bluebell 吃冰淇淋。  那幾天天氣雖熱，但是沒有下雨。  外面還可以走走。  最後兩天半到文莉家的時候就顛倒過來，老下雨， 文莉星期三的時候有甚麼安排都無法成行了。  倒是星期三大姨生日那天， 我們去 Katy 一家海底撈火鍋， 後來看到微訊裡面， 才知道文莉蓓莉 (可能還有舅舅，他們大概心照不宣) 計畫好，等於是大家慶祝大姨個生日。  沒有明說， 也算給媽媽一個交代？   Katy 好熱鬧， 好多好多亞洲餐館和商店。  德州似乎要比麻州要熱鬧多了。  不過， 他們在路上開車的時間也是至少兩倍。  我也蠻喜歡 Brenham，但是很可惜沒甚麼機會逛逛。  另外 Caldwell 的鎮中心也滿有風味。  雖說你可以說他有點老舊， 但是，正因為有點老舊， 他有一種我在烏森北方比較看不到的味道。  

ㄈ

佩蘭阿姨和文莉為我們親自下廚。  我很喜歡他第一天晚上為我們準備的絲瓜炒豆腐， 煎無骨雞腿，他的苦瓜我沒有嚐。  之後她也花不少心思， 當然他也有天然的便利， 就是自家種的絲瓜， 香瓜(金瓜)。  我也和 Clayton 去拿 Caldwell 鎮中心有名的 BBQ。  他們花了超過一百塊錢。  我只是很不好意思， 因為 Dwight 來我們家的時候， 我們只是很寒酸的招待他。  

ㄋ

我們每次去佩蘭阿姨家， 他都很費心的做早餐。  他說他自己和 Clayton 的時候都很簡單，他自己一片麵包加咖啡， Clayton 大概也是麵包果醬或花生醬， 好一點就在加個香腸。  但是我自從第一次到佩蘭阿姨家， 他就從我媽媽那裏聽說我們家都習慣是豪華早餐。  我第一次去佩蘭阿姨在 Harlingen 的家時，他總是為我特別準備早餐，那是一個暑假，我去他一個朋友的 greenhouse 幫忙。  這次去她家也不例外， 他還做了稀飯又炒了好些菜來搭配。  媽媽也說他們小時候在台灣，早上也是吃稀飯。  他說他們都吃不飽，沒到中午就餓了。  我現在又突然想到他說小時候他讀北一女時，和外公搭火車，一個上班一個上學。  外公好像會到北一女後面的攤販吃點花生甚麼的。  

ㄠ

在這個旅行計畫的時候， 聽說 文莉原定的計畫是先到她家， 但是舅舅自己醞釀的計畫是先到佩蘭阿姨家。  這樣在行程上也比較順。  舅舅提到他想的是媽媽和佩蘭阿姨可能比較想先見到面。  我本來也是想應該是先到文莉家的。  因為在我心裡， 此行的目的是要一睹文莉的新房，他在疫情期間換了房子。  舅舅的路線是比較順暢的。  

ㄑ

其實新冠期間，的確也是有些人事上的變動。  譬如佩蘭阿姨的婆婆過世， 佩蘭阿姨的先生， Clayton 心臟手術。  而且這一次我們來也未能見到佩蘭阿姨的公公。  只是短暫和佩蘭阿姨的小姑 Angie 照了一個面。  可能是怕我們在旅途中， 要減少公公染上新冠的機會。  另外， 文莉的小女兒上了大學都已經第三年了。  

ㄎ

我們到佩蘭阿姨家第二天， 文莉就和 Charles 開了一個小時半的車程過來。  他們大女兒也來了。  那就是我和 Clayton 去拿 BBQ 的那一天。  就是那天我們和 Angie 照面了五分鐘， 他來拿 BBQ 去和他父親吃。  那天滿熱鬧的， 文莉一向滿健談的。  我覺得意外的是 Charles 這次也興致滿高的。  談到了家裡的，政治的，經濟的，小孩的， 可以說無所不談。  真的， 新冠之前大家就不是常見面，有了新冠這個阻隔， 再次見面大家也都滿興奮的。  我們談了熱鬧，就忽略了 Clayton， 他就自己一個人到房間去。  兩三點的時候他出來說他要睡睡。  等到五六點的時候他起來， 有點不可思議地說他自己怎麼睡了這麼久。  大家一看吃晚飯時間到了， 於是又把剩下的 BBQ 拿出來，再熱熱昨晚的絲瓜苦瓜。  吃完晚飯，又聊了一個小時多， Clayton 從房間出來說，你們還在啊。  之後，文莉和 Charles 才起身告別。  

ㄇ

我們星期二一大早就和佩蘭阿姨分兩車去見梁叔叔。  一路上佩蘭阿姨的車卻出了問題。  那是他們家第一次買的親車，之前他們都是買舊車，或著是公婆用舊了的車。  但，就是這部才買了一年的車，剛過了 warranty ，雨刷就壞了。  還不到半路，Clayton 就把車停在路邊。  我們跟車，所以也停下來。  之後又停了兩次。  我們以為他的雨刷好了，但是之後一路上他們都開得很慢。  我們一路上都覺得很奇怪，因為之前舅舅還說這一次 Clayton 開車好像比較快了， 他說之前 Clayton 都不願開過 65。  但現在，他卻慢慢地跟在兩部大貨車之後。  佩蘭阿姨一路上其實都在說他們乾脆不去了。  但是 Clayton 卻堅持要去。  到快要到了梁叔叔家時，他們駛進一個停車場。  下了車， 佩蘭阿姨說他們的雨刷停在刷雨的中途，一路上下雨，他們只好慢慢開。  他說他要去找家修車廠， 然後直接回家，不去文莉家了。  但是，我們說我們跟你去修車廠，然後一起去梁叔叔那邊吃飯。      還好，就在街上不遠處，有一個 goodyear 修車廠。  我們就坐一部車去赴梁叔叔的約。  後來，他們的車子還是修好了。  但是佩蘭阿姨說要去看福特說。  

ㄌ

我們上一次來德州的時候，梁叔叔帶我們去吃一家 包肥。  媽媽很喜歡， 尤其是那個 lentil soup.  但是這次，梁叔叔說那個餐廳的午餐包肥沒有了。  所以他們換了一家包肥，這家有一個很好的 salad 吧，但他更是一家巴西烤肉店。  有四種肉，雞牛羊豬，可以選一種肉， 或者四種都吃。  他們給我選四種肉都可以吃的。  那一家店看起來很棒。  恐怕價錢不斐， 也因為這樣我吃的好飽。  飽到到了文莉家幾天胃口都小了。  

ㄍ

我們到文莉家的時候已經四點了。  文莉領我們到各自的客房後，媽媽和舅舅都休息了。  文莉讓我去看他的藏書和影片。  這時外面還下著雨， 我們還不能看去看他家的全貌。  文莉就趁媽媽和舅舅在休息時， 他準備他的餛飩。  那天的晚上也很熱鬧。  舅舅和文莉還有 Charles 熱烈的討論著政治上的話題。  媽媽先去睡了， 我和他們一直待到十二點！  大家才散了。  他那一天晚上準備的晚餐很棒， 有考麩炒素，扁尖雞湯加混沌，鹽水鴨。  我實在太喜歡了！  媽媽也是，他看到扁尖就很高興。  那個餛飩也是很有蘇州味。  之後， 文莉又做了三次菜。  每一次都很棒。  第二天的早餐是稀飯， 清炒菜心， 豆腐干炒扁尖，每一道菜都是既清新，又好吃。  中午是菜飯。  他又有兩種特別的機器可以把各種穀物榨成漿湯。  我們喝了豆漿，咖啡，玉米漿。。。  

ㄛ

我們在文莉家第二天一大早仍下大雨。  到了九點半左右，看看雨稍微停了一下，他們帶我們到附近的一個公園。  有一個很大的湖。  大家勉強走過了草坪到了湖邊。  可是一下子，我們就看著湖的遠方慢慢地飄來一大片雲。  接著就下了一個很大的雨。  這雨就是我印象裡德州的雨。  我們逃進一個小亭子裡。  剎那間，本來可以遠望的湖被水簾給遮起來了。  就連附近的所有蚊子也都逃進了亭子！！    這雨下了好一陣子後總算停了。  我們趕緊走回車旁。  但是， 本來已浸滿水的草地現在更多了小水塘。  我們東走西晃，一腳高一腳低才走出了草地。  鞋子都濕透了。

ㄎ

那天， Charles 也帶我們到他們後院去。  他們後院也有兩個湖， 一個大草原， 之後還有大片森林。  他說之前的主人喜歡在森林裡打獵。  這個暑假很乾所以大多數的湖都降了水位。  倒是草原上長滿了黃色的小花。  我們坐著他的 ATV，感覺的酷啊。  Charles 還特別開進入後面的樹林，我沒想到他出來的時候要倒著出來。  這片土地有他忙的！  

ㄊ

他們的走廊上有一個燕子窩，之後居然看到燕子飛旋期間。  還有鷺鷥在後院的湖裡邊。  也在樹上看到一隻大鷹。  還有其他各式各樣的小鳥。  

ㄈ  

Is there anything more random??!!!

 寶寶是個好貓貓，他是一個黃金貓。

他有漂亮的大眼睛，還有迷人的鬍鬚！

餘音錄完後的感想

 總共花了八個月。  

我本來覺得第二部，抗戰的部分，會比第一部更吸引人。  但是到最後，我覺得沒有。  第二部是對抗戰下的重慶日常生活提供了一個很好的參考。  但是以小說來說， 主軸故事卻沒有真正的和抗日生活描述聯繫起來。  中間有很多的空隙。  我覺得如果可以分開來， 把抗日生活以散文的方式呈現， 會更好。  故事方面，抗戰的描述流於空洞和制式化， 國內的政治情勢才是主軸。  我覺得一方面是因為作者本身的工作就不是前線戰場， 而是大後方的新聞管理。  在這一方面，作者提供了一個很棒的視角。  但是， 再一次的， 如果是純回憶， 我覺得會更精采。  

另外， 在開始錄製後， 我仍然希望可以緊跟著作者的用詞。  但是， 有些地方不能避免的還是有文字和口語的衝突。  我這次比在錄成長路的時候，稍微放縱一些， 大部分仍跟著很緊。  有些地方不免奇怪些。  

我下面要開始陸續錄製一些徐鍾珮的散文。  

歌詞鈔

 Lyrics

song and lyrics by The Brothers Four

Try to remember the kind of September
When life was slow and oh, so mellow
Try to remember the kind of September
When grass was green and grain was yellow
Try to remember the kind of September
When you were a tender and callow fellow
Try to remember and if you remember
Then follow, follow

Try to remember when life was so tender
That no one wept except the willow
Try to remember the kind of September
When love was an ember about to billow
Try to remember and if you remember
Then follow, follow

Deep in December, it's nice to remember
Although you know the snow will follow
Deep in December, it's nice to remember
The fire of September that made us mellow
Deep in December, our hearts should remember
And follow, follow, follow

EndeavourFirst season Afterthought

 I was surprised  by the duration of each episode, each one is like a movie.  It's atmosphere heavy, character driven.  The plots in the first two episodes were okay.  I think they are deep enough and layered reasonably.  But the plots in the last 2 was very lazy, I feel the twist was forced, artificial even.  The last 2 episodes seemed to be trying to introduce audiences who the characters are, what's their backgrounds...etc.  It's okay for me.  I will try season 2, hopefully the quality of mystery would go back up a bit.  I would rather the episode focused on mystery sprinkled little bits of characters and background.  But I feel the series would be in reverse.  

The character of Fred Thursday actually reminded me of Armand Gamache in Three Pines series.   

TheMaid afterthought

 I don't like the book.  The book is a breeze to read, I finished it quickly enough.  I have some chuckles at the beginning when the protagonist is being introduced.  But the first person narrative quickly became repetitive and mind numbing, until some other characters were introduced, and their action starts to drive the story forward.  

But everything moved in a brisk pace, which is a good thing.  I feel the protagonist does not give me an authentic person, especially when the plot twist in the ending.  And there's a lot of cliché in the story.  Cliche is fine, as long as the characters and plots are interesting enough.  But not here.  

And the ending... Oh my...  The lazy ending.  I am not sure what the author's purpose for the ending?  Not a very good book.  Just waste a few days reading this book.  That feeling mostly came from the ending.  The subpar plot and characters were okay, kind expect for a book like this.  But the feeling of waste make this book worthless.  

Happy Everyday

 昨天去 Roger 家吃飯。  這事已在三個星期前約好了。  當時媽媽滿興奮的。  因為大概一個多月以前她第一見到 Roger 的女兒， 柔柔。  媽媽當場就好喜歡這個三歲的小女孩。  但是， 一方面因為媽媽上週感冒後現在仍然咳嗽，而且很容易累。  另一方面， 我看到 Roger 的餐點裡有冰淇淋蛋糕， 就知道媽媽的預感是對的， 這是一個生日宴。  媽媽在三個星期前聽到有這個約的時候， 他就問會否是一個生日。  我想有可能， 本來要去問的。  但是， 媽媽說不要問吧。  就因為他說不要問， 我感覺他還滿想去的。  現在生日蛋糕出現了， 他也就藉著感冒沒好， 事實上也真的沒好， 說不去了。  

這個聚會人並不多， 只有五個外人，包括我在內。  Roger 把院子弄得還不錯， 他岳母種的花花草草也都長得很好。  其中有一株， 那顏色真是漂亮極了， 那形狀也是豐富的不得了。  Becca 弄了一個 雅買加 jerkey chicken, 和 Bean and rice, 還有沙拉， 還有冷盤。  胡熒阿姨帶了壽司， 舅媽也帶了一個涼拌，Leo & Maria 帶了好多水果， 我也準備了一些 tzatziki。  我們吃完後， 我到院子裡走一走，去照照相， 後來胡熒阿姨和舅媽也帶著柔柔出來， Roger 也出來拿了些玩具給柔柔玩。  

我們回進去後， 大家就看柔柔吃飯。  柔柔真的是滿會講話的， 聽一個小小孩帶著稚氣用一些成熟的詞彙， 他把大家都逗笑了。   Leo 叔叔笑得可開心了。  唉， 如果媽媽在，他也是會高興地。  接者就是吃蛋糕， Becca 好像提到蛋糕上面的字眼不是 happy birthday.  我還沒搞清楚， 等蛋糕盒一揭開， 我伸頭一瞧， 真的， 蛋糕上面寫著的字樣是 ， Happy Everyday!  Becca 說是胡熒阿姨要求的。  我的老天， 媽媽一直說胡盈阿姨不喜歡媽媽不和別人一起慶祝生日。  我們都沒有料到他會做這樣的要求。  也是柔柔年紀小， Roger 和 Becca 很孝順， 胡熒阿姨一家對別人的禮貌是沒話說的， 而這樣尊重媽媽的信仰， 我無法用言詞來形容了。  當然，舅舅和舅媽鐵定知道是怎麼回事， Leo 夫婦倆可能不知道為什麼。  之後， 大家開始唱歌慶生， 一開始唱的是 Happy Everyday to you...  中英文夾雜， 後來大概變成了生日快樂。  滿好玩的。  

回家和媽媽說了，也和小瑋說了，小瑋也直說哇賽。。。  

記錄下來， 實在是希望不要忘記。  

One of this year's event

 Dwight traveled from Texas to New England in the mid of May.  He arrived at Vermont, his friend's wedding to perform his harp.  I remember  he arrived at Uncle's in the early June.   My mom and I went to uncle's house to meet him.  Everyone wants to try his tent on top of his Rav4.  We then proceeded to uncle's house.  The rest of night, he performed his harp piece for all of us.  And I suggested we sing together for Dwight also have a guitar.  I recorded a video.  It was quite fun.  Even Aunt May chimed in, and I feel she did enjoy some singing.  

I suggested to my sis that she and her husband can come and sing Karaoke with Dwight, I could also invite uncles.  It was a very hard week for them.  One of my mom's oldest friend from USA passed away suddenly just a couple days ago.  Her son was the only survivor.  And she's such an important person in  the Chinese congregation.  My sis did not broke the news to my mom, since my mom does not belong to the Chinese congregation.  She's afraid it's a shock for my mom.  I agreed, since  I saw how impactful was the other sister's passing for my mom.  My sis and her husband, along with their Chinese congregation coordinated their effort taking turns to be with Betty's son, sitting in the hospital, driving him to do errands, giving out suggestion, providing food.  For example, my sis told us there're days they spend over at hospital for more than 4 hours.  And to the end, some patients and nurses were amazed and can't stop wondering who this woman is.  

Though it was a difficult week for my sis and her husband.  She agreed the Karaoke since Dwight did express a want to meet my sis.  My uncle did not want to come at first when he knew we intend to sing.  But for the reason I did not remember, they eventually said yes.  Uncles and my sis brought some food, I bought Costco rotisserie Chicken and potato chips and salad.  I got some cheese and ham for cold dish.  The night was quite interesting, even my mom sang a song.  And aunt May sing a couple.  Then Dwight sang a few.  

After staying at uncle's for 10 days, Dwight left for New York.  And from my aunt PL, we knew she went to Philly afterwards.   During Dwight's 10 day stays, I watched the last game of NBA eastern conference championship.  It was disappointing game.  We also played some basketball.  He's getting quite good.  He played a lot as he told me.  And he is not shy from playing other people.  During those 10 days, I think they went to eat quite often.  Uncle picked up all the tabs.  We also had ramen, a new shop just opened up in Andover this year.  

Then on 7/4/2023, Dwight came back from his Philly trip.  This time, he stayed at our place.  But he fell sick.  Then my mom fell sick, she was very tired from her three day convention with my sis.  All the elements mixed up at the same time.  I was irritated and agitated.  Both of them lost appetite.  Now I can understand why mothers in the world will not be happy if their kids did not finish their plates.  Because there's not much else a human being can do under the stress.   Though I suspect our food made Dwight even less appetizing.  I appreciate that Dwight was mild enough to hear me vent, even when I told him if he felt better, he should leave.  I was annoyed that he's feeling under weather but kept saying he's fine.  I was lucky enough that he has a brain and rational enough.  And the weather did not help at all, that week was the hottest week, the whole 7 days.  Our lack of air conditioning really exacerbate the situation also.  

Dwight arrived on Sunday night, he left the next Saturday.  I knew he's feeling better, still a bit weak though.  He scheduled his camping site, made contact with his friend at Concord, MA and upstate New York.  Then he left.  I met him at Walden Pond the next day.  He wanted to read Walden Pond at Walden Pond.  It feels like a bucket list thing to do.   Walden Pond parking was not kind to the out of state people, it's $30.  After we went to market place for all day breakfast, then we part ways.  

It was an experience.  For him, and for us.  For me and my mom, we lived like a hobbit, never travel except necessary.  Very seldom dining out, only necessary, or for my case, long for certain food.  

I just want to write down so I won't forget what has passed.  

優七區

 今年金磚隊戰勝的隊伍裡， 在西部賽事中， 灰狼隊有兩個七吋以上的中鋒， 太陽隊有個七吋的中鋒和一個六尺十一吋的前鋒， 湖人有一個以防守著名的大前鋒/中鋒， 唯一沒有很高中鋒的只有熱火隊，但是熱浪的中鋒雖然只有六尺九吋， 但也是以防守著名。  

如果有人說， 只是因為優七區沒有遇到像他一樣高大的敵手， 這是個錯誤的印象。  

詩鈔

 Dulce et Decorum Est

by Wilfred Owen

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,

Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,

Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs,

And towards our distant rest began to trudge.

Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots,

But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;

Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots

Of gas-shells dropping softly behind.

Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!—An ecstasy of fumbling

Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,

But someone still was yelling out and stumbling

And flound’ring like a man in fire or lime.—

Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,

As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams before my helpless sight,

He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace

Behind the wagon that we flung him in,

And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,

His hanging face, like a devil’s sick of sin;

If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood

Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,

Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud

Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,—

My friend, you would not tell with such high zest

To children ardent for some desperate glory,

The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est

Pro patria mori.

Notes:

Latin phrase is from the Roman poet Horace: “It is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country.”

N/a

Source: Poems (Viking Press, 1921)

(source: Poetryfoundation.rog)

一個英國士兵在一戰時寫給母親的信上， 寫下了這首詩。  時間大概是一九一七年。  他看到他的戰友因為來不及戴上防毒面具後的悲慘情景。  

一戰後，歐洲很多皇室都垮了。  當時有些人認為一戰的興起都是因為這些國王的之間私仇，導致一次世界大戰。  但是， 到了第二次世界大戰呢？  民主後的國家，再次造成大戰。  這似乎不是民主或不民主的問題，也不是專制和民主的對抗。  而是像老鼠生得太多後，就會自相殘殺？    我記得我看過一個十九世紀末的文章，文章裡提到當時的歐洲國家都在計算自身的人口，作為廟算的權衡。  

Dulce et decorum est

Pro patria mori.

是一戰前很有名的一句詩，是一句古代羅馬詩人 Horace 的詩， 意思是為國家而死是甜蜜而且適當的。  詩人在一九一七年寫這封信的對象是母親，但是這首詩實在是回應戰前一批鼓勵國人上戰場的一群人裡的一位女詩人。  

我現在看到一戰的情景正在上映。  烏森不斷說中共要打台灣， 而俄烏戰爭也已開打。  烏森從 08 年前後就已經展開他對中共的包圍。  這個包圍到現在已經很緊緊了。  另外， 中共在 2000年只以幾十艘戰船。  現在有三百五十艘以上。  這個情況也讓我替台灣捏一把冷汗。  無論是兩岸哪一個領導人， 請看看敘利亞，看看烏克蘭。  和平共存救中國。  永遠不要忘記 季梁的諫語。