舅舅的第一個紐約印象

 昨天舅舅來訪，他去看牙醫順道來看看。  聊著聊著，提到美國的治安問題。  他認為美國的治安問題和經濟成正比。  他就舉了一個例子，他以前其實就提過。  只是我現在把它紀錄下來。  

1980 年外婆來到美國，舅舅和舅媽帶著外婆去紐約市，那也是舅舅第一次去紐約。  我想他是剛從 德州 Lubbock 畢業搬到麻州就業就業不久。  他說那是剛到紐約市的第二天，下榻在六十六大道。  聽他說六十六大道是很好的區域。  他們那天正到百老匯大道，要過馬路。  結果突然一聲槍響， 大街兩邊等著過馬路的行人作鳥獸散！  這就是他對紐約的印象！

89 年舅舅也帶著外公去南加大附近，那時洛杉磯大暴動剛過，他們這次開著車在等一個紅綠燈，突然， 一部車追著另一部車，呼嘯而過，同時槍聲大作，街上的車子也是紛紛走避於街旁！這是他對洛杉磯的印象！   

他又提到他的一個朋友在 80 初走在波士頓的東北大學校區，頸子上掛著一條金項鍊。  他的朋友當街被一個人猛的抓住項鍊，拖著走了幾步，直到項鍊斷裂，那搶匪拿著項鍊揚長而去。  

這時我問：那時候的台灣會有這種事情發生嗎？  媽媽和舅舅說：沒有ㄟ。  那為啥來美國？  錢啊。  不知道這和苛政猛虎的比喻有無關聯？  還是金山和猛虎的比喻？  

寶寶走了

 今天，我的貓走了，到生命的另一邊去了。  媽媽煮了很好吃的走油肉，小瑋幫我挖了一個大坑。  今天天氣很好，寶寶很會挑時間。  

早上四點過一點起來看看寶寶怎樣了，那時他還有心跳和呼吸。  我幫他擦了屁股，因為只要他的腿在踢，就是有屎流出來。  我不斷地聽他的心跳，他一開始想要叫， 可是居然一點都發不出聲音，我知道平常這時候他都要吃東西喝水，我趕快給他一點水和一點高湯。  他還是叫了聲音出來。  我還滿安心的。  我趴在他身上，希望可以給他一點暖意。  這樣告了個把鐘頭，到五點多，跟他說，我再躺一躺，就在你旁邊。  我躺在沙發上，朦朦朧朧中感覺有人叫我小杰。  那聲音有點熟悉， 可是又說不上是誰。  直到六點多， 我起來，媽媽也正好起來，再檢查寶寶的時候，他的心跳已經聽不到了。  我跟媽媽說，寶寶走了。  媽媽來碰了一下貓，說摸起來還沒有那麼冷，就算走也只是剛走。   我真的感覺我在迷糊中聽到的是寶寶在叫我。  

啾啾這兔崽子觀後感

 啾啾這兔崽子 

(Jojo the rabbit)

我覺得這部戲很可愛。 裡面有奇怪的角色，和一般我們所熟習的時代角色有大的反差。 電影真的反應出一個孩子的眼光吧。  我對啾啾和他的朋友 Yorki 交流時真是太有趣了！ 戲一開始的時候，啾啾和油奇獨處的常常會顯露出高人一等的樣子；但是到了結尾的時候，啾啾才真情流露的去擁抱油奇。  油奇所代表的角色實在令我覺得有趣極了。  他似乎是唯一一個角色從來沒變過，總是傻呼呼的， 雖然被時代推著走，卻從來沒有迷失過自己！  我為什麼會那樣說呢，他從來都是那個 十歲的胖小男孩，從沒以假裝長大，像啾啾一樣；當大夥在喊： "啾啾這兔崽子！" 的時候，油奇並沒有跟著喊，只是一臉焦慮的看著他的朋友！  最後在啾啾逃跑後，他還追了過去！  他 最後的一句台詞是，"我要找我媽媽去了，我需要依偎在他懷裡。"  實在是太可愛了!!

這部戲的顏色也讓我想到童話故事。  人物的穿著打扮，言行舉止，真的，導演是一個藝術家。 很有神韻的抓到一個十歲小孩的夢中道具，然後一一配合的布置了這部電影。  但是，另一方面來說卻又像一個鬼故事，讓我這樣想的是一開始猶太女孩的出現，蓋茲太保的來訪，行刑的場所。  這種奇怪的反差其實更像一個小孩的夢吧?   只是小孩不見的可以說得那麼清楚，而導演卻可以從服裝，場景，角色，對話等等，祕密的展示他的夢境。

導演在電影的結尾放了一段詩很棒。  我覺得像無論是哪裡的人，在經過二戰那種慘痛的經驗，他們是否可以忘記那樣的感受呢。  他們應該忘掉那樣的感受嗎。  無論答案是甚麼， 時間不斷在走，他們又有許多新的感受。  就算不能完全抹滅，還要繼續強烈的生活，繼續去體驗感受。  

“Let everything happen to you

Beauty and terror

Just keep going

No feeling is final.”

這是這是德語詩人兼作家的 Rainer Maria Rilke 的詩， "Go to the limits of your longing"

英文翻譯:

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,
Go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.

Flare up like a flame
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.

Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

(譯者：Joanna Macy and Anita Barrows)

德語原文：

Gott spricht zu jedem nur, eh er ihn macht,

dann geht er schweigend mit ihm aus der Nacht.

Aber die Worte, eh jeder beginnt,

diese wolkigen Worte, sind:

Von deinen Sinnen hinausgesandt,

geh bis an deiner Sehnsucht Rand;

gieb mir Gewand.

Hinter den Dingen wachse als Brand,

dass ihre Schatten, ausgespannt,

immer mich ganz bedecken.

Lass dir Alles geschehn: Schönheit und Schrecken.

Man muss nur gehn: Kein Gefühl ist das fernste.

Lass dich von mir nicht trennen.

Nah ist das Land,

das sie das Leben nennen.

Du wirst es erkennen

an seinem Ernste.

Gieb mir die Hand. 

(詩集 Book of Hours: love Poems to God) 

教育後觀後感

Educated 

by tara.westover

這本書從兩年前出現在圖書館裡和 Libby 上後，從沒有不被人借閱的時候。  很奇怪的句子。。。 

終於有幸的看完了整本書。  文筆流暢，明白易懂。  作者的經歷的確是非常與眾不同。  

我非常推薦這本書。   

我覺得這是一本真正烏森人的書。  並不是說這只會在烏森國才會發生的事，這種完全唾棄政府的信仰，世界各處都有類似的思想吧，但是可以把這個思想徹底執行的人大概在烏森國最多吧。  這也是為啥烏森是最自由的國家之明證。  

可是作者對這個事情卻是很痛心的。  他最後提到他的兄弟姐妹們時很痛心的說：自從他被父母下了驅逐令還警告家裡的其他人別和作者來往之後，唯一和她來往的只有家裡的三個經濟能夠自立的弟兄，其餘靠著父母吃飯的手足，都不與之往來。  

我覺得他被父母驅逐真的是一件很慘的事。 這樣的家庭一定自他小時候就非常緊密的活在一起，不像其他人家只不過是吃飯睡覺在一個屋簷下，偶而周末出遊。  作者從小就沒上過學，每一分每一秒都在家園的周圍度過，父母教導每一件事情，也在自己的兄弟姊妹身上見識自己將來的各種可能性。  他現在被踢出來了，這是怎樣巨大的事情！

他和父母的決裂是從他對他二哥的觀點產生了巨大的變化後開始。  在他的書裡描述了二哥的兇頑，不斷用肢體和語言的暴力來傷害家庭裡的女性。  作者在長大，在二哥結婚後，發現二嫂也面對他小時候所目擊類似的暴力時，他清醒過來。  可是當他和父母提出了這個問題後，他卻發現父母完全不站在他這邊。  他父母只認為這最小的女兒已被外面的環境所改變了。  他父母最後的手段不是去尋找他二哥是否有暴力傾向，而是要他們最小的女兒認罪回家。  作者不同意，他認為他自己的記憶是沒有錯的。  

有些描寫他二哥的作為，又讓我感到很樣本化。  我在大學的時候有一陣子常看 serial killller 的故事。  那裏所寫到的那些 SK 很像他對他二哥的描述。  或者可以說，現代很多描述宗教教育下的男性，有不少類似的文字。  我對自己有這樣的感覺的很猶豫。  另外，我自己也有類似他二哥的行為。  程度和表現上或許沒有那樣粗暴，但是在心理上擺佈人的手法上有類似性。 

我看過一篇對此書的評論，他認為作者對二哥的描述在讀者來說無法證實。  只能以作者單一的視角來認識事情的本質，有失公允。  我傾向同意。  但是，我覺得作者並無意誤導讀者。  不然作者不會把和自己不一樣的記憶也記錄下來。 

對於記憶的不同，我自己也有這樣的經驗。  我們家的人在談論以前的事情時，有時真的是天差地遠。  

討論一本書可以從很多視角切入。  這一本書也是如此。  我其實滿喜歡她把自己小時候寫的東西和現在他思想比較衡量。  我覺得這是這本書的價值。  並不是衡量出來後的事實，而是在比較小時候和長大後的想法，作者的選擇和行動！

The Weather Experiment 觀後感

寶寶是個好貓貓，他是一個黃金貓。

他有漂亮的大眼睛，還有迷人的鬍鬚！

I finished the book a while ago.  I thoroughly enjoyed it and keep wanting to write something down after finishing it.  Keep wanting to write a whole essay with a central theme keep delaying my effort to write anything!  le sigh.  A scatter brain can only produce random thoughts with not collective theme.  I will go where ever I want to go then.  Ah, a beauty of Randomness...  

It's been a while so let me think...  The book starts with something weird, if I remember correctly.  It first talked about the view on science became a fad in the beginning of the 19th century.  I remembered that book started with an English artist, who claimed to use science for his technique when painting cloud and natural lights.  The I remember the book started by talking some English people started to catalogue different kinds of clouds.  After that I remember the book talked about telegraph, and he mentioned about morse codes.  Then there're people studying storms patters, what is a storm?  With European Navy in Caribbean sea, and every ship can pass the news around, it's like a net with notes.  People could start to draw maps and how storms progressed.  And I also remember some people at USA studying pattering of falling trees in New York or somewhere near USA northeastern, many people also started to advancing hypothesis what is a storm?   Then there was a scientist tried to study the atmosphere by flying hot air balloon, and take measure of pressure, humidity...etc at different heights.  Then there's the tragedy of Robert FitzRoy, who was famous for being the captain of Darwin's trip, in which Darwin formed hypothesis of Evolution.  RF was also an accomplished sea captain.  His legacy was in establishing Meteorology department for England.  He was the first one to use the word "forcast".  He is the one who put first daily weather report in the newspaper.  He also distribute barometers for all the seamen, including local fishermen.  Because He himself used barometer extensively to watch for storms and gales.  I remembered a story, where he avoided a catastrophe while he and his family were returning form New Zealand.  He also established land stations around England Isles to gather weather reports using telegraph.  His tragedy came first with Darwin's theory of Evolution, the second came with his weather prediction.  He killed himself at the end, by using his razor.  

I felt that the tragedy of RF was the theme of the book, especially after he published the first weather report, which has the similarity as current scientists predicting climate change.  One of the interesting thing about RF's weather report was that the purpose of which was to save seamen's lives.  So he had this gale warning system set up so that when the warning was on, no ship should go out.  The owners hated this system, because they would lose money.  But the majority of the seamen liked the idea.  I remember some full time scientist also made fun of the report.  I agree that RF is not a full time scientist.  But he did use the scientific knowledge well for his own purposes as a seaman.  He firmly believed barometer was the key to avoid major disaster on the ocean.  And he used this knowledge and awareness to do good for his fellow ocean goers.  I can imagine the weather report at that time would not be as accurate as now.  I remembered when I was younger in Taiwan people joke about the phrases they used in forcast, "晴時多雲偶陣雨", which pretty much covered all the weather conditions...  lol  But it's the thought that really counts.  And I think from that thought, came the improvement.  

I think this kind of book is really important.  Because it gives many people a glance of what science is.  What does the role of a scientist has in a society.  But most important of all is that, the book presents a lot of characters who was not trained scientists, but they either have faith in scientific method, or they have a single pursuit of a truth behind a phenomenon(weather related, or telegraph...), or they have a practical experience using the knowledge derived from scientific method.  They all contributed to our understanding to the world around us.  To me it is important, because science is not just for scientists.  It's a method for everyone to use, to verify knowledge, so called facts, believes, even to test what science is.  

Although I do wonder now, that science seemed to became too deep, too elitism.  But it is important to remember that both science and art are born from the common men.  And in the midst of them, through argument, hypothesis, trials and errors, a continuing pursuit for truth, time and energy spent, by our fellow people, science became that way.  But in the most basic and humble forms, everyone can employ it for their practical use.  

Motherless Brooklyn 小說觀後感

這本書我借了又還借了又還前後三次。  這一次終於下定決心看完。  看完後，有點吃驚， 因為他和電影完全不一樣。   

我不知道 Tourette's 真實的情況是怎樣的。  但是，我覺得這本書把這個病症描述的很徹底。  

我其實還是跳著看，所以有的地方看不大清楚。  

最後一百頁讓我感覺比較爽快，因為前面的部分令我感覺迷惑。  似乎看不到一點答案。  最後一百頁的時候，一下子謎團解除，而且，主角逐漸知道方向在哪裡， 也有助於謎團給我的懊惱，或著是說給主角的懊惱。

書本的故事是真正在描述紐約客的觀點，主角甚至一輩子沒有離開過紐約市！ 

我覺得這是一本很普通的偵探小說。  美國的偵探小說往往更著重於角色的描述，而這種描述也往往有一種很通俗的寫法。  這種寫法在電影，小說，甚至電腦遊戲裡都有。  Max Payne 就是一個代表。   很大的程度上，這本小說很有這種味道。  我認為小說裡值得一提的是主角的變化。  主角和他的三個夥伴都是孤兒，對於把他們提拔長大的人有著很深感情，但是當這個人死了後，只有主角認真的要找出原因和兇手。  我覺得救世主角的這份感情和執著，讓這本小說出色！  

在這裡也可以稍微談到電影，我覺得在電影裡，我只對主角有認識，但是在書本裡，我把其他人和主角的關係才搞得清楚一點。  這很重要，因為這才增加主角的價值。   在電影裡，我覺得就很難做到這一點，書本裡常常回憶和回到過去，雖說也要好幾個段落，甚至章節才能涵蓋過去。  但是在電影裡，要做的這麼細膩就很困難。  我想這也是為啥電影裡需要一個大壞人做反角，比較容易上電影有張力。  

kept I for 理由 blog

我寫這個網誌已經很多年了, 竟然已經累積八百多篇。 我自己回頭看一看也很驚訝！

當初，我為什麼要寫這個網誌呢？  原因只有一個，就是這裡沒有人看！  基本上只是想要把這裡當作日記。  這數量遠遠沒有日記的水準。  但是，畢竟也記錄了自己所看到的， 所想的，所聞的，所嚐的。  

我很希望可以更進一步，就是整理自己的的思緒，如果我有任何思緒的話。  幻想未來的可能性。  當我前天情緒極度波動的情況下，我坐在車上想要開向某個方向，卻完全不能想出一個地方，腦袋或許不是空白，卻象煮滾的開水，只有水蒸氣和很大很大的泡泡冒出來。  這令我的懊惱成倍的增加。  

幻想未來的可能性並不是為了空白的滿足精神上的需要， 而是希望能繼而計畫，最後執行。  我很清楚自己的弱點就是， 當一個想法或著希望產生時，我在精神上已感到完美結果的喜悅。  但是這喜悅卻令自己不敢前進！  因為腦袋幻想的完美和手上產生的粗糙，是自己完全不能接受的！  這在我現在不再畫畫很有關係！  但是越不畫，在日月的推遲下就越糟。  現在還在講自我的建立實在是慢了，但是再不講，連一步步的腳印都不可能有了。  我還寫這個網誌幹嘛？！  真要見證自己的慢性自殺嗎？！

試試看哪！  幻想未來，計畫現在，執行計畫。  我連想的勇氣都沒有，其餘不用想了。

一首惠德曼的詩的一段

Walt Witman

I'm not to speak to you, 

I am to think of you.

When I sit alone,

or wake at night alone,

I am to wait, 

I do not doubt 

I am to see you again.  

I am to see to it

that I do not lose you."

Which poem??  (Leaves of Grass)

from Bone season 6 Ep14

What's in my mind right now - Speed writing without thinking

Blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank...................

What if we just switch channel.  You know, to finish bones series. 

Oh, no, another porno thought.  oh, wait why do you stop

Grrrrrr.....  Stop stop stop, what like that motherless brooklyn novle??   

Tick tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick

You do know it just meant blank blank blank blank blank blank blank, right?  

Seely Booth Temperance Bones Angel Sweets Dr. Saroyan...   Can't help it, was watching it...  

Need to deliver to my cousin some grocery.  

Today is really hot, humid.  That indian actress was really cute.  She's young.  That's why.  

Oh, no. 

Nothing, do I want to hide something even from myself?  

Yeah, I was afraid for another horny thought.  But it turned out no.  She's cute.  

Shining, one of those first glance and shine type.  immediately grabbed the eyes.  

What am I thinking?  

Or maybe i should call now?  

I was delivering to Aunt HuYin some food my mom made.  She really kind wanted to talk.  I still want to make a video for Ashby.  I know she's still upset about Ashby.  That devotion, that bond from that young age, that closeness, plus Ashby's uniqueness.  The difference between a pet and human friends, was the closeness that we could get when maybe only a human baby and its parents can feel.  When baby became boy, people starts to be careful about education which creates distance.  When the kids became adults, parents scared to become a burden to the child which also creates distance.  Pets, does not have that problem.  That closeness was never lost, especially when human would never put their pets to the human standards.  They are pet, simple as that.  You can pour all the love of a baby you want towards it.  You can also educated it, make it cultured.  When that happened, it somehow does not creates distance, but strengthens the bond.  Because you instill a bit culture in them and it makes the pets even closer to you as a human-esque being.  How about that, I cannot find my draft to do the video, I think I have my first draft!  

萬疾之王 備註

I forgot to mention something interesting to me from the book, Cancer Emperor of all maladies.  

To name something is very important in science.  The reason why it is important can be shown in the example of naming leukemia.  

The disease of leukemia was not discovered by Rudolf Ludwig Carl Virchow.  John Hugh Bennet was also mentioned in the book.  Dr. Bennet tried to guess the reason or the cause of the disease, he thinks it's a "suppuration of blood."  Dr. Virhow on the other hand did not guess the cause of the disease, he saw blood in white color so he named it "weisses blut", later changed it into a more academic name in latin root, "leukemia".  The book elaborated that by not assuming the cause of the disease, the name opened up for a real scientific inquiry into the cause of the disease.  

I think it's quite interesting.  

I checked Wiki, there're many doctors described the disease of Leukemia before Dr. Virchow:

"Velpeau (1825), Donné (1844), Bennett (1845), Craigie (1845), Virchow (1845), and Fuller (1846)"

The name of Leukemia was adopted, the reason is because the name described something in its appearance but not its cause.  

萬疾之王 觀後感

I just finished the book: Cancer, the emperor of maladies.  I spend 2 -3 years on and off, to finish the book.  It was what should I say...an incredible book, long and detailed, the narrative was very easy to follow with clear sentence, and organized in such a logical order, that I could understand.  

This is a book of history, a history of cancer, a history of how we human identify it; how we tried to treat it; it filled with history, science, and politics.  Science was not the central topic of the book, but the book cannot escape from discussing it.  How and what science is, became a intense focus here.  As I am experiencing the pandemic of Coronavirus, some of the points in the books became even more relevant, and brings me to a new perspective.  

I think one of the most intriguing  idea I got from the book was the argument of how science should be conducted?  Should the government or an organization pour all its resource towards a planned goal?  Or should we let scientists decide where their scientific interest lead them?  It came from a historic sentence in the book when somebody told President Roosevelt, 

"...In the winter of 1945, Vannevar Bush had written to President Roosevelt, 'The striking advances in medicine during the war have been possible only because we had a large backlog of scientific data accumulated through basic research in many scientific fields in the years before the war.'" (Book chapter 43)

The example could said about DNA, 

"..., Avery and his colleagues reported in 1944 that genes were carried by one chemicals, deoxyribonucleic acid, or DNA.  What scientists had formerly disregarded as a form of cellular stuffing with no real function -- a "stupid molecule," as the biologist Max Delbruck once called it dismissively..." (Book Chapter 37)

DNA was discovered 1869 by Swiss Researcher, Friedrick Miescher.  This paragraph I think really highlighted Mr. Bush's words.  And for this book about Cancer, which showed how we use this knowledge to design the Targeted Treatment we used now.  The whole thing could be traced back to the mid- 19th century.  This is really fascinating!  

The view on science itself was often expressed against a goal oriented grand scientific plan for a nation.  And author used the whole book to prove this thesis.  I think this was expressed best in the chapter 15, but what's the reason of writing this?  Because in the political realms, this view was impatiently shut down.  In terms of politics, timely results is everything.    When the lobbyists pushed for a war on cancer,basic science was shunned.  If we looked at the pandemic right now.  We can suddenly understand why some people would rush to swallow medications that's not much use to them, instead hurt them sometimes.  From the present, we can also understand why so many doctors would try radical surgery or chemo therapists were trying to find more toxic chemicals try to cure cancers.  Because like some examples from the this book, dying patients have no time.  

But I'd say some people well versed in politics will say, well, it's a problem of direction.  They choose the wrong way.  But I feel that urgency would always trump the importance.  Which meant that looking for effective chemotherapy will always comes first.  The basic science of biology will always be in the background, especially in term of political debate.  

For me personally, I can see how messy it is to find cure, even now.  I remember when 蕭婆婆 got the cancer 20 years ago.  One of my uncle's friend was in research of cancer tried to comfort my aunt, targeted treatment was mentioned.   But she past away not long after.  I did not know the detail.  But I know, the treatment was not effective.  But 5 years ago, one of my uncle's friend, got breast cancer.  And she's still alive today.  I think the treatment must've been improved now.  It's a long struggle, it's messy.  I hope it helped me to understand.  Because I only like to do things when I totally grasped the procedure, the effect.  But often,  it is not the case.  I still need to move forward as mess was left behind, and hope that continuous action can get  a fix in the future... 

Togo afterthought

我花了兩個晚上看了一部電影叫做 Togo.  在講一隻狗的故事。  這是一個真實的故事。  事情發生在西元 一九二五年的一個大風雪中。  當時為了要救一個偏遠村落的眾多小孩，Seppala 君和當時的一群狗狗雪橇手在大風雪中接力把救小孩的藥給送到那個村落。  總共是廿個雪橇手，一百五十隻雪橇狗，共六百七十英里。  其中兩百六十英里是 Togo 跑的。  這事情是當時的大新聞， 被稱作： Great race of mercy 和 The great serum run.  

我很喜歡這電影。  這裡面有很多危險場景，當然是電腦繪製，但是我覺得有超過一半的場景是去 阿拉斯加實地拍攝的。  畫面通常不是很重要，但是我覺得現在能夠看到實地拍攝的場景是很難地的。  那些狗狗的表演也因為真實，常常讓我驚嘆！

電影不斷在過去和現在的場景交替出現，我覺得這應該是很正常的事。  因為要給觀眾看到 Togo 和 Seppala 君和其夫人那種濃厚的關係，這種手法有其必要。  但是在節奏上掌握得很精當，不會給我有任何搶鏡或混亂的感覺。  另外在回憶的時候，我覺得演 Seppala 君的 William Dafoe 君和演Seppala 夫人的 Julianne Nicholson 在情感上掌握的十分恰當， 不會過分感情化。  也因為這樣， 感情壓抑更襯托出激動的時候，情緒翻湧的強度足以撼動我的心情。  

狗的名字叫做 Togo，來源是 東鄉平八郎。  我查了一下，名字其實是聽過的， 但是有點不確定。  是日本最有名的海軍元帥。  成名之戰就是和日俄戰爭中，率領日本海軍一舉擊潰太平洋列強之一的俄國，當時無人看好日本。  在電影裡， 給這隻狗取這個名字是因為 Seppala 君一開始也不看好 Togo，甚至兩次想把它給掉!  Togo 最後以八個月的年齡取得雪橇狗的資格。  在電影裡，Seppala 君給這隻狗取這個名字， 因為他覺得 Togo 和 東鄉平八郎一樣， 都是 "underdog" ！

食譜: 杏仁豆腐

There was a time when my uncle's friend was sharing her  世界日報 with them.  We got a chance to read them as well.  It always came with a special magazine 世界周刊 on Sunday.  My mom loved the recipes from those special magazine.  She clip those recipes into her folders like when she's younger.  That's an old habit of hers.   She used to do that for herself, then when we were born, she used to do it for us, from newspaper like 國語日報.  

We are in a heat wave these few days.  Lucky for me, Mom was already preparing for it.  She dug into her collection of magazine/newspaper clips.  There it is: 水果杏仁豆腐!  2009 08 30 世界周刊, by 葳莉.  

The name has "Tofu" in it, but it does not have contain tofu.  It combined evaporated milk with unflavored gelatin to make something looks like Tofu.  It was really good.  It taste cold and refreshing withou overwhelmingly sweet taste.  I really liked it!!  

The recipe is here:

Ingredient:

Evaporated Milk (1 can of 354 ml)

Almond powder Instant (5 tsp) (My mom made from Raw almond, roasted, then food processed)

Gelatin (unflavored, 21g, little inner page should be 7g/pack)

Pure Almond Extract (1/4 tsp)

White cane sugar (10 tsp for gelatin mix in Large container, 5 tsp for the last step)

Can fruit (1 can of 425g)

Steps:

1. Open and Pour out Evaporated Milk to a Large container.  Put the empty can aside.  

2. Put Almond Powder (my mom roasted the raw almond and ground the almond using a processor) instant 5 tsp into the empty can, filled it with hot water until 2/3 full, stir until the powder and water mixed, then fill the can until full.  Then pour everything into the Large container with milk.  Repeat the process, mix second Almond Powder instant  with hot water , and pour into the large Large container. (total 2 cans of mixed Almond Powder instant water mix) 

3. Repeat step 2, but with 21g. of Gelatin, with only 1 can of hot water!  Pour into the Large container, then add Pure Almond Extract(1/4 tsp), and White cane sugar (recipe asked for 10 tsp, my mom added only 5, and it tasted just fine).  Wait for it to cool, then put in the refrigerator for consolidation.  

4. Pour a can of fruit in a Large Bowl, and use the empty fruit can to put 2 cans of cold water in the Large Bowl.  Then added White cane sugar (Recipe asked for 5 tsp, my mom added 2.5 tsp, it tasted great), mixed it well.  In the Large container, use half of the gelatin, cut the gelatin into small rectangular shape, 3-4 cm height, pour into the Large Bowl.  Put in the refrigerator for at least 1-2 hours, or until the almond flavor from the gelatin seeped into the the mixture.  Take it out and serve after 1-2 hours.  

5. The other half gelatin can be stored for up to 2-3 days to make another batch!!  

Cannot use flavored gelatin.  

I want to make a video out of it.  Need to plan how.  

Random

Mei said her sister has some clothes for my mom.  So I went and got it today.  

It was quite empty compared to the last time I went to Boston, maybe last year?  Mei kept telling me there're more people today since Covid-19 broke out.   And most of the stores were still closed, many of them boarded.  Those are for the protesters though.  There were temporary signs forbidding parking at meters for special events, which I guess are protests.   The whole thing felt kind eerie.  

I went to a Chinese market, it still filled with people though.  And the places are so small and narrow, there's no room for "social distancing".  Then I drove Mei to brookline.  It was quite pretty, so I got off the car to take a walk.  There are so many brick houses, and everywhere I see interesting landscapes.  Not every house are designed, but most are.  So as long as you keep the house relatively quaint, it will be just fine.  The place I live was already quite pretty, but brookline really breathes with age, which brought something entirely different.  

I am not jealous though.  Just thinking about the upkeep makes my head ache.  lol  

The clothes were quite small for Mom, but she will keep some.  Mei asked me if I want to go in to see her sister.  I said no.  Mom thinks I should, at least to see how petite her sister is.  Mom cannot imagine such a petite lady.  

I saw Balitmore Oriole while walking around the Brookline neighborhood.  Its coat was shining with orange and black stripes.  I think it is Baltimore Oriole...  

----------------------

My sister went to Connecticut.  She told me that one of her brothers there past away.  Sadly I did not have much memory of that brother.  But my sister was quite emotional, said that brother really reminded her of our father.  That brother also came to Boston Chinese meeting every month when the Chinese group first started in 1990s.  Mom was shocked when she got the news as well.  

rant

i haven't really talked significantly today.  then i just ranted to my mom about some talk shows she loves to watch, saying those shows talk none sense and ridiculed the show right in front of her.  

WHY??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

i already told myself not to engage in such conversation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

those people talk with what they thought, i did not.  and i literally ranted!  

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

樹和他的蟲子們

I cut my shrubs all day today.  all 8 of them.  I know they were infested, but not sure the extent of it until I started to cut them.  It was kind gross and scary, the powder just flied out of the shrubs as I was cutting them.  And the white egg sacs were all over the leaves on the tree and off the tree, like a snow or sugar coating.  I told mom and then we went to a garden center in Tewksbury.  The people there seemed knowledgeable.  When I showed them the picture, the person there said it's a hemlock.  But they showed me a solution to kill the bugs not by spraying, but by feeding the root system and when the bugs drinks the sap from the shrubs, they will be killed.   Sounds like the Roundup, but instead of killing weed through roots, this time, bugs.  And it also said don't do it until the flower season past, otherwise I guess the bees will get hammered.  So we came home and I said I will finished cutting the shrubs first and wait until flower season is over to apply the chemical.  

But man, oh man, it was like a convection sugar...  It was spooky.  At night I was trying to research what is a hemlock.  The name refers to 2 kinds of plants actually.  One is poison hemlock, the other is actually an evergreen, looks just like my tree.  Yew in Chinese is 紫杉；hemlock is 鐵杉。  The only telltale sign maybe its fruit.  Yew produced a red berry like fruit, hemlock the evergreen produces something that looks like a small pine cone.  I also remembered the garden center person mentioned my bug's name is wooly adelgid.  So I looked it up, but I thought my bug is actually mealybug, although I do wonder why I never see a bug similar in pictures.   But the wooly adelgid's picture was not right either, the reason the eggs showed in pictures were shown lying along the leaf shoots, and although eggs are white, but the shape is rounded.  And finally, I saw another page by Umass Amherst about pest for taxus and other plants, one of them is cottony camellia scale.  Their egg sac are white, underside of leaves, and long rectangular shaped.  I think this is the bug!  

I was thinking of cutting all the shrubs, but it's expensive to cut and replace.  I hope my spiders and other bugs could hunt the infestation, but looking at the spread, I don't think so.  But I resist the idea of spray in fear that it could harm my other bugs.  Looking the chemical I got today, it's worse...  I don't see another way out though.   

PS, I see mealybugs now, lots of them, while I was cutting crown of the trees.  I saw spiders and other bugs.  I am really nervous I might killed the whole squad of them.  I am thinking I might have multiple pests, scales, and mealybugs...  

老房子

I watched a few Old House video today.  One was about patchy lawn, another one about how to prevent ice dams, another one about whole house energy audit, and the last one was how to fix a crack in the concrete foundation.  

I suddenly see this show as an important and integral part of the whole construction industry.  The show is mainly educational.  But while they demonstrate many how to's, explain the process, and industrial standard, they also let common people feel empowered to do it by themselves.  And they showed people what option they have if they want to find  contractor.  Like the one with crack in concrete foundation, I was amazed on new industrial inventions; and the ones in whole house audit, it showed off the infra light camera to discern the cold and hot space within a wall, and the low pressure test?  I mean we had energy guys came in to do the work, but they did not use low pressure test.  That would be way cool...  

I will recorded what I saw today about lawn:

1. They used a thatcher on one lawn, but not on a new lawn, the guy said it can wait for another 3 years before using a thatcher machine.  

2. They used a  core aerator machine to pull plugs of soil out of the lawn, so the water, air, and nutrients are easier to go into the soil.  

3. Then in order to improve the soil, the guy always used compost.  He throw the compost on the lawn directly all over the place, then use the back of the rake to flatten the compost.  He said to put half to one inch of compost.  

4. Then he used a high phosphorus fertilizer to promote the roots growth.  Phosphorus promotes root growth, the nitrogen promotes upper, grass blade growth.  The best time to do the seeding is fall.  Summer is too hot, disturbing the soil too much, it will dry out.  And then your seeds need to compete with Crab grass and other weeds.  

5.  Rye grass is more shade tolerate.  Blue grass is sun tolerated.  

Oh, and I also watched crab apple tree pruning and how to deal with ants.  

Tomorrow, I am going to cut my yews, it was infested with mealy bugs to the point, they are on my lawn as well.  My strategy is to do extreme cutting, it's going to be ugly and the tree might die during the summer...  But I don't want to do the spray thing...  If all fails, I'll have to cut my yews down.  Then my front house would be bare...  

南瓜花捲

Mom wanted to make a traditional Chinese pumpkin braided rolls.  She already had a video prepared for quite a while now.  I think if she slept well on Saturday night, she would be doing this yesterday.  But I accidentally put Sound of Music on at 9:30 pm.  She could not stop watching it until the movie finished.  She did not sleep all night after the movie.  I guess there're certain point at night that she has to go to bed, otherwise, she does not have time to get enough rest.  

She's not well today though better than yesterday.  I helped her doing the rolls by providing muscles while she was doing chili.  The first thing was to cut the pumpkin to small pieces, seeded it, and steamed it until tender.  Then we meshed the steamed pumpkins without skins.  We mixed the meshed pumpkin with flour and yeast.  The flour and pumpkin ratio probably around 2:1.2, in weight?   We made 南瓜饅頭 before, but the color was disappointing, it's off white, virtually no yellow at all.  This time, we made sure no extra water were added, mixing with just flours using moist from steamed and meshed pumpkin.  I knead the doll for almost 2 hours because I'm not sure how much flour did I need.  The above ratio was only a guideline, so that when I want to do it next time, I could have a baseline of flour, rather than adding 1 cup, mix, adding another cup, mix....to see if the dole was ready.  

I used the whole pumpkin, but at the beginning, I only planned to use half.  I used all, because the recipe video mom used did not give us a quantity of the pumpkin used.  It only mentioned how many yeast, and how much flour, which was 800 g.  Anyway, I end up using whole pumpkins with 800+ g.  

Those 2 hours of kneading was quite frustrating.  the dough was shaggy for a long time, I tried to knead and wait for 15 minutes a couple times.  But it stays very shaggy, I even pull out a little piece and tried window pane test.  After almost 2 hours, I gave up, the dough was forming and improving.  But when I pulled a little piece from it, the edge was still shaggy.  The dough did start to spring back to shape.  Mom checked the dough and said it's ok now.  But she must observe my frustration.   

We wrapped and oiled the dough and wait  for about an hour and half.  The dough grew in size nicely, the color was pure gold.  and the result was pretty good as well.  It's soft and slightly sweet, without sugar!  Hope we could recreate the process next time.  

Robin the bird

在烏洒的麻州有一種鳥非常容易辨識。  每年見到這種鳥就知道春天來了。 他褐色的背上有一點黑紋，胸腹部是橘色的。 就是那個橘色，讓人一見就不容易忘記。  我查過他的名字，叫做 Robin。  介紹的文章還說這種鳥在歐洲也有的。

但是，如果仔細看就會發現歐洲和烏洒的 Robin 很不一樣！  原來，同樣的名字卻是兩個不同種的鳥。  光從圖上比較，我覺得烏洒的 Robin 有脖子，歐洲的沒有。  另外身子大小也是明顯不同。 烏洒 Robin 的頭飾黑色的。  所以我再深入的查一查，發現 烏洒的 Robin 屬於 Thrush Family；歐洲的 Robin 屬於舊世界的一種鳥叫做 Flycatcher (或著應該是全名是 舊世界 flycathcer)。  烏洒的 Robin 實際上應該是北美洲 Robin，冬天的時候會飛到南方甚至墨西哥去避冬，春天回到北方甚至加拿大北部和烏洒的阿拉斯加。  另外，北美洲的是歐洲的兩倍大！

有趣的地方是， 討論串提到， 在英國歐洲 Robin 通常是冬天的鳥，當人們看到他時，人們就知道冬天來了。  這和北美洲布一樣。  另外，我想當歐洲人的移民第一次見到北美 Robin 時，第一時間就叫 Robinobin，一定是那鮮豔的橘色。  一般動物的名字總是以第一印象為主， 全世界大概都是一樣的。  但是， 生物學家不一樣。  到了現在， 還往往要用 DNA 再次鑑定分類。  但是，科學的第一步就是看見不同，聽見不同，嚐到不同，碰到不同，之後再逐漸斷怎樣不同。。。  DNA  似乎否定了某些感官上的不同，但是其實 仍離不太遠吧。 



















                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     






















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外婆過世

這是我剛剛出生一兩個月的事情吧。 我外婆過世了。  外婆的死因是蜘蛛網膜出血。 

媽媽昨天提到這事情。  我剛剛出生，住在日本的外婆堅持要回來帶外孫。  他們家的老大雖然在大陸十年前就有孫子可以抱了。  可是外婆抱不到，因為海峽兩隔。  或許這也是他堅持回來的原因, 雖說媽媽叫他不要回來。  2013 年我去蘇州的時候，大姨提到那時在日本的外婆是很累的。  因為外公的喜好，外婆剛從美國回來不久就為了打掃在日本的屋子，忙得不可開交。  或許也正是外婆剛從美國回到日本， 母親不要外婆回台灣帶孫子。  但是，他還是來了，結果一到桃園機場，就摔了一跤（忘了是誰說的，要考證）。  

媽說，那一天，我剛好滿月，可是帶我的奶媽有事情離開，他當時一個人在景美，分身乏術。  外婆那時在南昌街他們的舊家。  毛婆婆打電話說外婆頭痛的厲害。  媽媽只好先把我放到大嫂愛秋家。 同一時間，外婆已經被送去宏恩醫院了。  之後，頭痛依舊。  媽媽在和舅婆通過電話後，他們轉到中心診所。  外婆以前就常去中心診所，一去就去看他們經常去的腸胃科醫生（頭痛卻去看腸胃科, 不懂），黃天賜醫生。  醫生一看外婆的眼睛，就斷定是腦血管破裂。  馬上轉腦神經科。  這故事我聽過很多遍，但是我從來沒問過爸爸作為中醫有沒有說什麼。  昨天就問問看, 媽媽說爸爸沒有看出來是腦神經吧。  

問題診斷出來後，接下來的問題就是要否開刀？  爸爸在把過外婆的脈後認為已經不行了，媽媽說她相信爸爸的診斷，認為開刀只是帶來痛苦，並不能挽救回來。  結果外公很生氣，甚至還跟葉婆婆說媽媽不孝。  最後在這個情況下，外婆進入了開刀房，再也沒有醒來。  之前，外公要媽媽給手術醫生三萬塊的紅包。  在我的認識裡，這種事是很常見的事。  媽媽說住院, 紅包都是媽媽自己的錢。  

寫出來只是稍微紀錄一下。  

7/20/21

媽媽看了我寫的到舅舅家紀錄的故事。  稍微又補充了一下當時的情況。 我出生十一月廿日，剛好滿月的時候，十二月廿日外婆去住院。  住了將近一個月，都是媽媽陪伴，他的精神恍惚，連護士都看的出來。  他說那時他在中心診所那邊到處吃飯，都是買最好的。  因為精神上實在有點撐不住了。  後來是中心診所的護士長問媽媽， 怎麼只有你一個人陪在這裡。  護士長知道了情況後跟他說，你一定得要把在日本的老爸叫回來。  護士長的言下之意就是，情況不會好了。  外公也即刻來了，但是只請了一週的假。  七天一到，就在外婆要開刀的那一天， 他大概想開刀了就好，也就要回日本上班了。  那天護士長問媽媽：你爸哩？ 我媽說他要回日本上班了，他只請了一週的假。 這個護士長認為開刀在即，怎麼能現在離開？！  護士長竟然親自打電話到機場的飛機公司，那時外公都已經坐在飛機上了，被人請下飛機。  

根據媽媽的說法，護士長也不認為要開刀。  開刀當晚就進入深沉昏迷，在也沒有醒來。  媽媽還說外婆雖然在深沉昏迷中，可是還是會流眼淚。