I will argue with anything. Even the truest words. I love her. That's all I want to say for years. But no. I argued against it. Because I know the expression was not out of fire and ice. It is not tested. I do not trust the expression. So utterance of it is absurd. But now I know the final result is here while I lost all the hopes. Now can I finally express the nonsense?
No? Why not? Because to whom, are you going to express it to? Or you can waging war with yourself that is so taxing, in the hope that I will be driven mad? I could express it to the thin air. I won't be afraid of failure there. Isn't that what I've been doing in the past 8 years? I love her. The objective is HER, whom are you telling this to?
I do not know. Even if I am talking from my left brain to my right one. It is still talking to thin air! Since the right brain Do Not Talk! I love her. I want to play. I want to find comfort and security. Love should do the trick. But. But what if, that's right. What if. I love her.
If this is true. If love came from myself. What is it to be afraid of? Accepted or not, I win. That is okay. But it makes myself sad and helpless. So is it love? Or just something I want and could not get? Then the expression, I love her is not correct. This must be something else.
So eventually I was right for not saying the words. But what is it that I really want to say?
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