費柏門一家 觀後感

 theFablemans afterthought

我昨晚看了史蒂芬。史匹柏的費柏門一家。  兩個小時半的電影，看起來是一點都不費力。  史導演雕塑電影的能力在這部電影裡很完美的呈現出來。  選角，音樂，攝影，劇本結合在一起，沒有一絲尷尬。  

但是，我要到現在才稍微想到一些東西來說。  

我覺得電影裡有一種極度的渴望，渴望去原諒。  原諒了沒，我覺得不重要，而是從沒有放棄那種渴望。  而且，原諒甚麼，我也不知道。  

電影裡有一些地方我得承認我沒有看懂。  有些對話，我搞不清出他們在講甚麼。  恐怕還得再看一遍。  像是電影後段， 高中欺負他的校園明星，最後跟他說的話，我不懂他們在說啥。  

我在 拯救萊恩大兵的採訪中，已經聽過史導演自己描述幼時在亞利桑那州，自己想法子拍戰爭片的事情。  現在在電影裡看到覺得很是有趣。  另外， 我發現史導演的很多部電影真的就像是把自己的童年重新拿出翻騰。  像是我很喜歡他的 super8，和這部電影有許多類似的地方。  但是這一部或許更是他的勇氣之作，因為之前的作品可以用科幻，象徵，或者冒險來遠離事實。  但是這一部，卻是相反。  而且，他描述的主題是他最親的兩個人， 我覺得真是不可思議。  

這部費柏門一家已是我最近一年裡看的第三部大導演拍攝自已童年的故事的電影了。  之前的兩部是羅馬 (Roma, by alfonsoCuraon), 貝爾法斯特(Belfast, by kennethBranahg).  每一部都很好看。  羅馬需要一點耐性就是了。  

詩鈔

 送別

席慕蓉

不是所有的夢   都來得及實現
不是所有的話   都來的及告訴你
疚恨總要深植在別離後的心中
儘管   他們說
世間種種最後終必成空
我並不是故意要錯過
可是   我一直都在這樣做
錯過那花滿枝椏的昨日
又要錯過今朝
今朝仍要重複那相同的別離
餘生將成陌路   一去千里
在暮靄裡向你深深俯著
請為我珍重
儘管   他們說
世間種種最後終必   終必成空

在看完您好，母親大人，這是最後一集最後面的的一首詩。  

嘗試翻譯，然後一點感想

H is for Hawk 

"...and as the cover falls my hawk makes a curious, bewitching movement.  She twitches her head to one side then

當書的封面落下時，我的老鷹做了一個可愛的動作。  他把他的頭一直歪向一邊，

 turns it upside down and continues to regard me with the tip of her beak pointing at the ceiling.  I am astonished. 

幾乎要把頭整個倒過來，鳥嘴尖幾乎朝著天花板，但是兩眼卻始終沒有離開我。  我吃了一驚。

 I've seen this head-turning before.  Baby falcons do it when they play.  But goshawk?  Really?  I pull a sheet of

我看過這種現象，那是雛鷹想玩時的動作。  但蒼鷹也想玩？ 搞錯了吧？！  我拿一張

 paper towards me, tear a long strip from one side, scrunch it into a ball, and offer it to the hawk in my fingers. 

紙，撕成長條，揉成一個球狀，用手指拿到蒼鷹的面前。

 She grabs it with her beak.  It crunches.  She likes the sound.  She crunches it again and then lets it drop, turning

他用喙把紙團叼過去。  紙團在他的嘴裡壓出聲響。  他喜歡這聲音。  他再咬一口然後就放開了紙團，讓紙團掉到地上去。

 her head upside down as it hits the floor.  I pick it up and offer it to her again.  She grabs it and bites it very gently

然後他再一次的把頭倒轉過來。  我撿起了紙團又遞給他。  這次他叼過去，輕輕咬啊咬的：   

 over and over again: gnam, gnam, gnam.  She looks like a glove puppet, a Punch and Judy crocoldile.  her eyes

發出咂吧咂吧的聲音。  他看起來好像一個布袋戲裡的布袋娃娃， 一個 胖曲和奺笛的鱷魚娃娃。  他瞇著眼竟然像

 are narrowed in bird-laughter.  I am laughing too.  I roll a magazine into a tube and peer at her through it as if it

笑出聲來。  我也被他逗笑了。  我把一本雜誌捲起來像個管子，然後把眼睛從管子裡望向他

 were a telescope.  She ducks her head to look at me through the hole.  She pushes her beak into it as far as it

，模仿一個望遠鏡。  他低下頭也同我一樣，從管子的另一端望向我。  接著他把鳥嘴盡量向前伸入管子裡，

 will go, biting the empty air inside.  Putting my mouth to my side of my paper telescope I boom into it: "Hello,

好像在管子裡試著咬著假想的東西。  我也把我的嘴湊上了管子，向裡面說 「哈囉，

 Mabel."  She pulls her beak free.  All the feathers on her forehead are raised.  she shakes her tail rapidly from side to side and shivers with happiness.  

美寶。」 管子裡的聲音共鳴著。  他迅速地抽出他的喙。  他前額的所有羽毛都豎起來了。  他快速地左右擺動他的尾巴，身體可以看到快樂的顫抖。  

An obscure shame grips me.  I had a fixed idea of what a goshawk was, just as those Victorian falconers had, and it was not big enough to hold what goshawk are.  No one had ever told me goshawks played.  It was not in the books.  I had not imagined it was possible.  I wondered if it was because no one had ever played with them.  The thought made me terribly sad...."

一股莫名的羞愧襲上我。  我以前對蒼鷹的舊有印象一直都和維多利亞時代的馴鷹人一樣。  這印象猶如井底之蛙，根本不能抓住蒼鷹的全部面貌。  從沒有一個人跟我說蒼鷹也愛玩。  沒有一本書提到過。  我從沒想過這種可能。  我猜會不會是從來沒有人和他們玩。  這種想法讓我很難過。。。

-----------------------------------------------------------

我看完這本書已經是兩星期前了吧。  卻總還是想著這本書。  我覺得這一段其實是一整本書最重要的地方。  一整本書的轉折點，也是一整本書的中心主題。  這書的作者養蒼鷹的目的有一部份是因為蒼鷹的名聲很兇悍，是一種極其難馴的鷹種。  他早年學馴鷹的時候，從不敢去碰的。  但現在因為喪父，心情惡劣到，只想遠離人群，和一隻兇悍蒼鷹生活。  希望可以藉著這隻鷹，使自己忘記過去也不要想到未來。  

他從小對鷹就情有獨鍾，立志要當個馴鷹人。  因此他從小就嗜讀有關馴鷹的書。  歐洲自從十字軍東征後，和阿拉伯文化有了接觸，就開始有了馴鷹的習慣。  而蒼鷹，更是屬於歐洲貴族的專屬，因為要野放蒼鷹的時候需要很大的場地。  也因為有如此長的歷史，很早就有歐洲人把馴鷹的事寫成了書。  作者經常舉例的書裡，就有十七，十八，和十九世紀維多利亞時代的書。  很多這些書對蒼鷹的描述都是兇悍，嗜血， 鬧脾氣，不馴。  

但是當作者開始真正馴養蒼鷹時，卻發現了許多書裡所沒有提到的事情。  我節錄的這一段，就是一個對蒼鷹有新認識的起點。  

這本書有另外三分之一是在描寫另一個作家懷特的書。  我本來以為作者提出懷特養蒼鷹的經驗只是想做一個簡單的對比，對比作者和懷特馴鷹過程的不同。  但是，在經過兩個星期後的沉澱，我覺得不光是這樣。  作家懷特出了一本書描述他自己第一次馴鷹的過程。  這過程實在令我看得很難過，只能用粗暴虐待來形容懷特第一次馴鷹的過程。  我在看得當兒只想把懷特推下懸崖。  作者對懷特的馴鷹一開始主要是引用了一般人對懷特的認識，懷特本身是一個同性戀，當時的英國，同性戀仍是一大禁忌。  而更糟糕的是，懷特自己對自己這個傾向也帶著厭惡。  也因為這樣，他出的這本馴蒼鷹的書，很多人的解讀也是從同性戀壓抑來看。  但是， 我最近想，作者雖也描述了大部分人的看法，但是，作者更看出懷特馴蒼鷹的書其實是真摯地為了馴鷹這份嗜好。  我們看書，是否也因為作者本身是怎樣的，而決定了他的書就是怎樣的？  有趣的是，作者早年看懷特的書，覺得慘不忍睹。  他不了解懷特一個大人為啥把自己馴鷹的失敗寫出來？  大人寫書不都是要教別人怎麼做好一件事嗎？  懷特當年出版馴鷹的書時，也是呈兩極評價。但是現在，作者不再這樣想了。   出版自己失敗的經驗，有時比當作一個專家，專門教導別人，更具實用價值。  

最後，作者提出了一個滿重要的說法。  就是他以前在書上看到人家如何評價蒼鷹，例如說蒼鷹象貴族，蒼鷹象大主教，像一個古埃及的符號。  但是，這些說法只是比喻。  蒼鷹可能象貴族，但是他不是貴族。  他是蒼鷹。  我們人為了要理解這個世界， 往往要派給我們所知道的事物某些意義。  但是這種意義和這些事物本身是不一樣的。  這些意義甚至可能使我們看不清，甚至看不到事物的本質。  

我再節錄一段書裡的文字在此：

"I've learned in my months with Mabel this is the greatest of all: that there is a world of things out there -- rocks and trees and stones and grass and all the things that crawl and run and fly.  They are all things in themselves, but we make them sensible to us by giving them meanings that shore up our own views of the world.  In my time with Mabel I've learned how you feel more human once you have known, even in your imagination, what it is like to be not.  And I have learned, too, the danger that comes in mistaking the wildness that animates it.  Goshawks are things of death and blood and gore, but they are not excuses for atrocities.  Their inhumanity is to be treasured because what they do has nothing to do with us at all.  "  

我和美寶在一起的時光裡， 我學到最寶貴的一課就是： 這個世界充滿了各式各樣的事物，岩石，樹木，石頭，綠草，還有其他會爬會飛會走的各類動物。  他們自成一體，我們為了要了解他們，就賦予了他們各種意義。  但那些意義只是我們各自對這個世界的認知罷了。 和美寶在一起，有時我會想像自己不是人類， 但即使是那樣的幻想裡， 我卻更認識了自己是人類的道理。  也在同一個時間，我也認識到一種危險， 那就是錯把自己幻想成老鷹時好像自己也擁有了老鷹一樣的野性！  蒼鷹是一種帶來死亡與血腥的動物，但是他不應該成為你犯下暴行的藉口。  他們獸性是人類需要尊重的， 因為他們本就不是人啊。  (這個翻譯實在是太爛了)

再補一句話：  SyMontgomery 寫的：

"Our fellow animals teach us lessons about the delights of sameness and difference. They immerse us in wonder. They lead us to humility; they inspire us to reverence. They teach us the many facets of love."

餘音書鈔

 餘音第十九章： 冷戰

「別太任性。 人和人中間的關係，生氣是沒用的。。。」

「我是 『四十九之非，雖知已晚』。 但是我至少是知非的。 我想你最好也能和我的看法一樣。 你爸爸是有不是的。  這樣你會舒服些，好生氣些。 如果有一天我不在，你也可以寬解些。」

這些話都是餘音裡的老爸勸女兒的話。 

這是我第一千篇網誌。  這句子鈔在這裡實在是有點感想的。  尤其是 「人和人中間的關係，生氣是沒用的。」 這句話。  

  

書裡的詩

 餘音，徐鍾珮

作者在第十七章用了一句詩。  我滿喜歡的，去網上查了一下。  更佩服作者把此詩句用在這裡。  

把它抄綠在此：

出自唐代元稹的《遣悲懷三首·其三》

閒坐悲君亦自悲，百年都是幾多時。
鄧攸無子尋知命，潘岳悼亡猶費詞。
同穴窅冥何所望，他生緣會更難期。
惟將終夜常開眼，報答平生未展眉。

注釋
鄧攸：西晉人，字伯道，官河西太守。《晉書·鄧攸傳》載：永嘉末年戰亂中，他舍子保侄，後終無子。
潘岳：西晉人，字安仁，妻死，作《悼亡詩》三首。這兩句寫人生的一切自有命定，暗傷自己無妻無子的命運。
窅冥：音(咬名)； 深暗的樣子。

書摘

 H is for Hawk  excerpt

剛看完這本書。  我借借還還這本書至少三四次。  從來沒看完過第二章。  這次又借了。  借了一個多月後，終於看完了。  我很喜歡裡面講馴鷹的地方。  這本書的主題真的很雜。  我想最重要的是如何度過喪親之痛，再來是馴鷹，最後是作者描述他親手馴鷹的過程裡，他對前人馴鷹的感想和印證。  

這邊摘錄的段落可以看出我最喜歡作者馴鷹的過程。  我掙扎了一段時間才看完這本書實在是因為他寫的喪親之痛實在很沉重。  

Chapter 12

...and as the cover falls my hawk makes a curious, bewitching movement.  She twitches her head to one side then turns it upside down and continues to regard me with the tip of her beak pointing at the ceiling.  I am astonished.  I've seen this head-turning before.  Baby falcons do it when they play.  But goshawk?  Really?  I pull a sheet of paper towards me, tear a long strip from one side, scrunch it into a ball, and offer it to the hawk in my fingers.  She grabs it with her beak.  It crunches.  She likes the sound.  She crunches it again and then lets it drop, turning her head upside down at it hits the floor.  I pick it up and offer it to her again.  She grabs it and bites it very gently over and over again: gnam, gnam, gnam.  She looks like a glove puppet, a Punch and Judy crocoldile.  her eyes are narrowed in bird-laughter.  I am laughing too.  I roll a magazine into a tube and peer at her through it as if it were a telescope.  She ducks her head to look at me through the hole.  She pushes her beak into it as far as it will go, biting the empty air inside.  Putting my mouth to my side of my paper telescope I boom into it: "Hello, Mabel."  She pulls her beak free.  All the feathers on her forehead are raised.  she shakes her tail rapidly from side to side and shivers with happiness.  

An obscure shame grips me.  I had a fixed idea of what a goshawk was, just as those Victorian falconers had, and it was not big enough to hold what goshawk are.  No one told had ever told me goshawks played.  It was not in the books.  I had not imagined it was possible.  I wondered if it was because no one had ever played with them.  The thought made me terribly sad....

-------------------

Chapter 24

...  I have spent my evenings playing with Mabel.  I've made her toys out of paper and tissue and car.  She turns her head upside down, puffs out her chin-feathers, squeaks, picks up the toys in her beak, drops them, and preens.  When I throw her balls of scrunched-up paper she catches them in her beak and tosses them back to me with a flick of her head.  Then she crouches, waiting for me to throw them to her again.  It is as good as it gets.  When I told Stuart I played catch with her for a while he didn't believe me....

------------------

Chapter 30

..."An earthquake."  It was an earthquake...in England...And then I remember Mabel.  I've heard all the stories about animals fleeing from earthquakes.  "Oh, God.  She must be terrified.  I race downstairs, three steps a time, burst through the door and turn on the light in her room.  She is asleep.  She wakes, pulls her head from her mantle-feathers and looks at me with clear eyes.  She's surprised to see me.  She yawns, showing her pink mouth like a cat's and its arrowhead tongue with its black tip.  Her creamy underparts are draped right down over her feet. so only one lemony toe and one carbon-black talon are exposed.  Her other foot is drawn high up at her chest.  She felt the tremors.  And then she went back to sleep, entirely unmoved by the moving earth.  The quake brought no panic, and no fear, no sense of wrongness to her at all.  She's at home with the world.  She's here.  She ducks her head upside down, pleased to see me, shakes her feathers into a fluffy mop of contentment, and then, as I sit with her, she slowly closes her eyes, tucks her head back into her feathers, and sleeps.  She is not a duke, a cardinal, a hieroglyph or a mythological beast, but right now Mabel is more than a hawk.  She feels like a protecting spirit....

隨想

 最近在錄製餘音。  所以甚麼也沒有想說。  

我感覺我愈來愈不會講話了。  心理著實害怕。  但是一點都不知道要怎麼辦。  我心裡真的很害怕。  今天送媽媽去中文聚會所，有人來和我說話，我卻一點都無法回答。  昨天把胡熒阿姨托買的東西送過去，我還滿想聊一聊的， 但是，我講了幾句就知道有點不對勁，我就不怎麼講了。  然後就是聽胡熒阿姨一個人說，我在旁邊應。  最近就連小瑋來講話，我也感覺對的很吃力地應對。  或者是無意識的就走開了。  雖然我事後自己知道這反應是很糟糕的，是我的精神力的下降。  可是我不知道要怎麼辦。  

from where I am standing right now.  There's nothing in the future for me.  I do not understand why I am here.  I feel all contacts right now are either flat lined, or extremely superficial.  But it's not other people's problem.  It's the way I like it.  However, this way brings nothing for me.  I am noting sowing, so  I am not reaping.  I don't want to sow.  So I know I will get nothing in return.  But now I don't know why I want to keep living.  I even feel my speech is gone, I have even less to interact with people.  I just want tok illm yself.  I really do.  There's nothing in front of me.  Bleak darkness, no matter how people treat me with their kindness and love.  I just don't want anything at all.  It used to be a desire.  But now I feel my brain is literally cut off from interacting with people.  Saying hello is hard, looking at other people when talking to them is hard, speaking to people is odd, express myself in any sorts of way is extremely painful.  

I feel only death can bring a swift release.  I just wan toki ll mys elf.  

Wow, it's been quite a while.

 I was driving on the highway today and saw a huge moon hanging low in the sky.  

It was not fully night yet.  

There's still a light yellow hue in the sky.  It looked like,

 that hue was radiant from the moon, which was glowing in light yellow as well.  

The highway went up and down, spiral left and right.  

The woods was almost black, dark profile against the darkening sky.  

Red lights from the tails of those cars in front of me.  It was such a incredible view, 

especially with that huge moon right above the woods.  

餘音讀後小感

 我才讀完餘音，徐鍾珮寫的小說。  他被歸類為抗戰小說。  我可以了解抗戰這個歸類。 但是我覺得這樣歸類會限制了別人對他的印象。  我在看完這本書後，我覺得如果歸類到女性覺醒這一類的小說更合適。  尤其我最近邊看餘音，還邊看他寫的 【我在台北及其他】的集子。  我更有此感覺。  雖說他在 【我在台北及其他】 的序裡說他不很同意女性(或女權)主義(或運動)。  

這本小說裡， 沒有一個合格的男性。  一個都沒有。  也不知道為啥，我寫著寫著腦海裡突然閃過李安的色戒。  那裏面也沒有一個合格的男性。  也許我太苛了，這小說還是有一些還可以的男人(那個被日本軍官殺掉的為村里奔走折衝的先生)。  但是，實在少得可憐。  

但是反過來說，也許這很符合徐鍾珮自己的生 活經歷。  我在想 咪咪看這本書時，也許會有不少同感？  因為都是女校出身。  另外，作者和其他女同學，女朋友，堂表姊妹的緊密關係應該也是現實寫照。  我看到舅媽和他的朋友在一起時，也有類似的感覺。  這點和我看到我媽媽和他的朋友和同學在一起時， 似乎不一樣。  

雖說四個序言都是說這並非徐的自傳。  但是，我感覺他在某方面寫的離自傳很近很近。  

他文字的運用實在是直覺，天成。  我念起來非常之容易。  幾乎沒有文氣，就是所謂的文藝腔。  是那樣的白話，那樣的自然。  有些地方也用了一些吳儂軟語的字詞。  雖說每篇都不長，人物刻劃也是那樣的簡單。  可是卻那樣的深刻。  真正有畫龍點睛之效。  

他寫女兒和父親，他寫女兒和母親正是這樣。  平舖直述，但是到每一個階段的結束，每一個情感的湧出都很真切厚實。  即使到最後，他依然和母親有心結，因著他的描述，我仍是感到他們母女的份量。  

我打算來念這本小說。   我錄了第一章，四頁，修改後大概可以是十分鐘。  本書共三百廿頁有奇。  我估計唸完可能花十三個小時。 我媽很喜歡這本書，我們這本已經四十年了，再不錄下來，這書快散了。  這書裡面提到的重慶精神，我怕以後的書裡很少會有了，就算提了也不能如這書裡所描述的。  雖然作者出此書時，離抗戰已超過十年，但是任何經歷過抗戰的人，那八年恐怕是一輩子刻骨銘心的回憶了。  

first time in 26 years

It's not my first time went to Cape Cod in 26 years.  But considering the last time I went, I did not go anywhere, except my sis' wedding.  

My sister told us she already planned a trip to Cape Cod 2 weeks ago.  But then my mom had an SI joint pain last week which causes her lots of discomfort and severely dampened her ability to walk.  Before last Saturday, we still hope she could go.  I told my sis to persuade her, for I believe my sis is good at getting my mom's attention.  For a while, Mom said she will go.  But we did a trial run to Costco last Friday.  Then after we came back, we went out to deliver a mail to mail box.  Next day though, on Saturday morning, she was so tired, she lied in bed past 7:30 am which rarely happened for her.  So we decided she could not go.  Because if she went and walked too much, I am afraid it would impede her recovery.  

 

This is really not good for her morale.  But she really needed her rest.  

--------------------------

My sis rented an AirB&B.  We had a whole cape to us.  The place is at brewster.  The first night we had a welcome to cape cod rally, by ordering a pizza for over $30.  We were all shocked, but PQ almost choked.  :p  The pizza was really good, though I doubted I'd order it in a normal circumstance.  

The next few day, my sis made breakfast for us.  Because originally we planned with mom being here, we brought a lot of stuff to prepare for meal.  I brought a Costco's rotisseries chicken, mom made chicken liver and heart, along with nuts, fruits...  My sis brought eggs, cheese, salads, and many other stuff.  She's an excellent cook. we had lots of eggs, scrambled, steamed next day, with croissants and salad.  She's crunching how much proteins we have...  Very professional.  

-------------------------

Provincetown

We went to Provincetown, although brewster is on the same cape cod location with provincetown, it took us 40 minutes to get there.  We went to their Race point beach.  A lot of biking trails.  There are quite a few people renting the E-bike from P-town Downtown and biked there.  My sis wanted to try but could not, we ran out of time in the end.   The beach was very big, but not a lot of people.  That's the purpose though, my sis and her hubby always planned this trip to avoid peak tourist season.  The water was so clear.  The sand was nice too.  I wore slippers most of the trip.  It was fun.  I stood in the water, but a lot of people were staying dry.  The best surprise was that there's a seal swimming very close to the shore, not more than 20 feet.   It's like a performance, he showed us how to eat fish with no hands.  His relaxed attitude draw everybody's attention, including a puppy shepherd's dog.  He's so relaxed, swimming anywhere he wanted.  And there're seagulls above him trying to score some leftover.  There're also a few seals nearby, but they never put their heads out of water.  

Later, we went to the downtown.  The street we went directly was commercial street.  And it was a mistake.  It was crowded and narrow.  PQ fled, and my sis looked up the internet found some local advice to went the east side of comm. st.  to find parking by the street.  Then we basically walked from the residential area to the downtown.  It already long past the lunch time, PQ was in a hurry to eat.  They discussed, and googled, and discussed, and walked some more.  PQ had a restaurant in mind, but when we got there, the price was insane.  So onward we went, went past the memorial tower.  And found theCanteen.  There we had some sandwiches.    It was not bad.  I had their classic fish sandwich, good portion and generous pickles and coleslaws.  On the way back, we hit very few stores.  I guess we were tired.  

--------------------------------

CapeCod Rail Trail

The next day, we went for the Cape Cod Rail Trail.  But because we went to provincetown the day before.  We decided to go opposite direction, towards yarmouth.          It was probably the flattest rail trail?  Although other rail trails were quite flat as well, however, I think I could stay in the highest gear and ran though most of the road.  Maybe the other direction would be different.  But it's also very very nice.  Because on other rail trails, there're always some industrial setting.  Not here.  It's surrounded by nature.  And there're lakes along the way, you could sit and just watch, or even swimming in them!  The one impressed me was the SheepPond for there are only few people, mostly elderly.  And a pair of them just went into the lake and start swimming.  Upon seeing this, PQ said when my sis tried to teach him to swim, they did not have any gears, my sis just told him to kick the legs in the water.  It was kind hilarious.  He kept complaining there're no equipment when he was being taught.  Because that elder gentlemen had a floating device, not for swimming, but for safety.  But the lady had nothing.  

PQ and my sis used e-scooters for the whole trail.  I used my bike.  My sis rode the bike for a while, she really enjoyed it.  The e-scooter was quite fun and it could get quite fast.  PQ even had his own setup with cellphone holder.  But it broke loose during the trip.   We used my car to go the nickerson state park to transport both e-scooter and my bike.  I gotta say, if honda did not pick up the element beacon, somebody else should...  

Hyannis

We went to Hyannis next in the afternoon.  This time, PQ immediately signaled for lunch.  Though it's still a bit late, but he's not as agitated after lunch.  We had a lunch at an Italian restaurant, alberto's.  The way to the town was kind industrial, and at the beginning, we saw some for rental, for lease sign.  But once the in the downtown. Hyannis was not bad.  Not as busy and bustling as P-town.  Almost like some description from internet, kind sleepy.  But we really liked it.  We came here to see something related to kennedy family.  There we went, a korean war veteran memorial park, and a long beach, littered with broken shells and birds poop.  But eventually, it's a leather hand craft store impressed us more than anything.  lol  

-----------------------------

Chatham

I wanted to see sunrise at cape cod.  initially i wanted to go the dune sand at provincetown.  But it was a 40 minutes ride, my sis reminded me.  So I googled a little, i decided to go to chatham.  There's a lighthouse there.  It was always weird to go and do anything alone. Get up took sometimes.  But I'd woken up at 5 for a quite while now.  On the way there,  I  can't imagine going there without GPS.  Even if I looked up on the map, I felt I still need to powerful flashlight to see the road signs...  

The chatham dt was quite impressive, almost like p-town, even in the darkness.  But I'd say it's bigger, and more elaborate, probably more high end as well.  

There's a 30 min parking lot across the lighthouse.  The post said it's one of the best place to watch sunrise.  I was lucky.  But not that lucky.  Because the cloud covered 3/4 of the sky, especially where sky met the ocean.  I stepped out and glad I wore enough clothes.  But still got mosquito bites.  There were a few cars already.  an older gentleman went past me and asked would we able to see the sun today.  I said, hopefully.  under the parking lot was actually a beach with lots of marshes.   Scattered boats, I guess they are fishing boats, sail by the beach.  It was quite a sight.  Then I hear seagulls dropping clams on the asphalt road.  They kept doing it.  Interesting.  

I went down to the beach.  It was the best I've touched in cape cod.  clean, not much shells, no bird poops.  But early morning sands were very cool to the touch.  

The sun eventually hid himself behind the cloud.  We could not see much there.  So I headed back.  They were still sleeping.  That's good.  

Falmouth

The last day of the trip.  Falmouth was also where PQ and my sis' wedding took place.  A special location for them.  But for me, besides the prime ribs during the reception, Falmouth did not leave anything in my memory.   

We went to an estate called highfield hall.  The mansion was quite big, and the interior was impressive.  The garden outside was also managed well.  It contained a web of trails behind the facility.  But it was okay.  

After that we went to anejo, a mexican restaurant.  It was not bad.  But I think my sis was more impressed, her order of mussels were awesome, according to her.  PQ's order was very fulfilling, to the point he could not finish it by himself.  I helped out some.  Then we walked around downtown area.  It was more established than Hyannis, not as touristic as P-town.  My sis said well, Falmouth downtown reminded her of lexington.   After a 15 minutes, we went the famous lighthouse, where they took their wedding photos.  I wanted to leave early, hoping to escape the traffic.  But I'd never seen their photo shoot.  I should go for a look.  It was a long and winding road to get there.  But they were doing construction there at this time.  We could only take some pictures on the outside.  

Then we were on the way home.  

-----------------------------------------

PQ and my sis always prepared well for their trips.  PQ brough video games and fire sticks to watch shows on youtube.  we played mario party the first night, that series is always addictive, even my sis liked it.  PQ dies and lives with video games, almost like it's his blood.  one of the best memories from his childhood.  Then the next day, we watched a movie and their shows.  the last night I played TNT and Bubble bubble with PQ, they were old video games, probably what they called 8 bit or 16 bit games.  It was fun, but PQ was awesome in those games.  I really think video game trained his vision so well, that when we were on the trail, he can always spot some things, me and my sis cannot catch in the move.  

---------------------------------------

i called mom during those days.  But I can feel her feeling down.  I don't know, maybe it's still better to bring her along?  She finished reading a book she loved during her young adults era.  This is a book she said the typing was too small for he to read.  

Book afterthought

 最近看了一本書叫做 ， The hidden life of dogs， 作者 ElizabethMarshallThomas。

在看完第三到四章時，我很想放掉不看了。  因為裡面有一個故事實在很令人難過。  但我還是耐著性子看完了。  最終章卻也讓我慶幸自己沒有放棄。  

這是一位人類學家把他家裡養的一大群狗的故事和觀察寫成的一本書。  他的筆觸很平淡，很實在。  也正因如此， 有許多敘述的筆調， 往往沒有任何修飾，那個令我想放棄讀這本書的地方是正是因為這種赤裸裸的感覺。  讀完這本書時，這種筆調卻令我感覺非常真實，作者的想法，感受， 情感。  沒有一絲交揉做作。  有淡淡的感傷，卻沒有過度的悲情。  也因為這份真，才可以感到這本小書的重量。  

每當我想起那隻聖伯納犬被關在牢籠裡，等待著死亡，令我有說不出的恐懼和焦慮。  養寵物真的很需要時間，陪伴他們，和他們玩，和他們互動。  現在對養貓的人有種說法叫做， 【貓奴】。  實在很對。  如果你沒有時間，實在是不應該養的。  

作者養狗的方式滿特別的。  但那也是因為他當時有這種環境，又剛好碰上了哈士奇這樣的狗。  他也養著兩隻哈巴狗，但是那不是他這本書的對象。  他主要的對象是兩隻哈士奇和他們的後代，還有一隻丁狗【Dingo】。  做為一個人類學家，他希望的是可以在現代人盡量避免影響部落民族的可能下，去做研究。  他對於他的這群狗，也是持同樣的態度。  他當然也會帶他們去看獸醫，和保持他們的基本安全。  但除此之外， 盡量不去訓練他的狗。  所以那些狗並不會很聽話。  在這個過程裡，作者發現他的狗會自動訓練下一代，或者外來者。  所以都不需要擔心上廁所和保持清潔的基本行為。  很有趣的是，那個時候的 Cambridge, MA，還可以讓家狗到處溜達。  雖說，之後也有規定要有繩子，狗才能上街。  作者有一隻寄養的哈士奇，這隻哈士奇很喜歡自己出去逛街，作者一開始很好奇這隻狗到底地去了哪？ 於是他就不牽繩子，自己一陸跟過去看。  就像現在有人會給貓戴上錄影機，看看自家的貓咪都到哪兒去晃了。  從這裡， 作者開始做他的研究。  

這裡的書名有一個 Hidden，因為作者所描述的狗群，是一群總共由七八條狗所組成的廣大群體。  在這個群體裏，狗用他們天生的語言和溝通方式過日子。  作者也就藉著這個機會，來觀察研究。  這個隱藏的秘密也不僅僅是他所觀察到的狗和狗之間的肢體語言。  而是如果狗兒能夠自由選擇，他們所學習到的事物，他們所重視的價值， 他們自然的好惡，這些才是他重視的地方。  

這書真的很短，描述的東西似乎也不複雜。  因為對於中國人來說， 狗有無 Conscious 【意識】，應該不是一個具有爭議性的事。  他們當然有意識。  如果沒有意識，那不就是昏迷了就是死了。  但是，這個意識的問題，卻似乎在歐烏的學術裡有很大的爭議性。 所有我看過有關動物行為學的書，其實都圍繞的這個主題， 也就是除了人以外其他動物到底有無意識。   這裡面似乎有很多基督教的影響。  因為我感覺寫這種書的作者， 他們都志在打擊這個他們認為是基督教來的想法，就是除了人以外的動物，都是沒有 conscious 的。  

仔細想來，莊子和惠施在橋上的辯論裡似乎也有類似的意思。  莊子說橋下的魚在河裡很快活，惠施不以為然。  我們怎麼能知道其他動物的想法？  但是， 歐烏的學者，在十九世紀時有一派認為其他動物所以能做一些人類誤以為有意識的行為，只是由於器官機能的運轉像機器一樣。  他們其實是沒有喜怒哀樂愛惡懼，也無有智慧。 任何人說其他動物是有智慧和情感的，那都是擬人化了。  也有點像惠施指控莊子所說的。   不過，惠施還只是說我們不能知道魚的感覺。  我想，惠施或許還不至於完全泯滅其他動物的靈性。  老殘在他遊記的序裡提到靈性。  他說靈性愈高，愈會哭。  裡面我記得他提到牛馬不會哭，所以靈性不高。  但是他還是不能否定牛馬的靈性。  可是這本書卻也告訴我們，狗不會哭，但是他會嚎。  我想真正認識牛馬的人，也許也可以發現牛馬是怎麼哭的。  

我很驚訝他家可以養將近十隻狗。  

我到底喜不喜歡這本書呢？  我還滿喜歡的。  可是卻沒有勞倫斯的所羅門王的指環那樣深深的喜歡。  我想主要還是因為指環的故事有很多好笑的地方。  這本書呢， 就像我說的是一本平淡，沉靜的書。  但是作者娓娓道來，在最後的時候仍很有力量。  

Preparation for audiobook

 聽書的準備工作

成長路錄製結束後的幾個月，我並無停下腳步。  我繼續尋找並且嘗試錄製其他音檔。  但是都差強人意。  唯一令人稍微滿意的是豐子愷的做父親。  但是音檔是一年前錄製的。  當時並不滿意，但是一年後的今天卻覺得音色，感覺，和速度都還不錯。  雖然念的多一個字少一個字的，還有念錯字。  但是我覺得優點遠大於缺點，我也就藉著這個音檔，嘗試用 微軟的PPT 來做一個影片。  PPT 沒有真的成功。  只是用他做成一幅幅的圖檔和音檔搭配。  沒能用 PPT 滿可惜的，需要再接再厲，「先試試不通，在試准成功！」  (好笑的哩！)

最近主要在嘗試沉櫻編選的散文欣賞，是我母親在民國五十八年五月十五購於淡水。  裡面有很多翻譯的文章， 不少從法國，日本啦，美國英國啦，甚至西班牙的都有。  我看了以後覺得還不錯。  但是，開始念的時候，就發現很多問題。  有些句子和詞語，實在很拗口。  我想念法布爾的一篇文章， 我覺得很多文句不通暢。  看的時候沒有問題，但是念，實在不好。  但這也因人而異，象周作人的一篇日文翻譯， 我看得很高興，但是一念就是問題。  但是，夏濟安翻譯霍桑的古屋雜憶，就沒有這問題。  所以也很因人而異，這周的翻譯，實在讓我想到硬譯的論戰。  另外，沉櫻的這本散文選集裡面也有令人意外的收藏，象有一位作者叫古丁，中國作者，但是有關他的介紹卻是在日本維基。  原來他是偽滿時候的作者。  在文革前被犧牲掉了。  

我也想說，我深深覺得，我必須慢下腳步來。  因為學習製作影片是一回事， 錄音是另一回事。  錄音有錄音的準備，影片製作是另一回事。  影片製作裡，應該以 【作爸爸】那一篇為基礎。  從那以點上去發展。  錄音目前除了讀好幾遍外，我並沒有做其他的準備。  就算有也很粗糙。  其實最好把文章抄下來，可以備註斷句的地方；讀音的查詢；以及速度的註明。。。等等。  

另外就是，我必須閱讀。  因為唯有在閱讀之後，我才能決定我要錄甚麼！  計畫與否是一會事，但是必須閱讀。  

  

詩鈔

 看了一篇散文，是思果寫的有關他失學和自學的經歷。  裡面引用了一首英文詩：

但歷代累積豐富的歷史巨頁

在他們的眼前從未展開，

寒冷的貧窮惡殺了他們高貴的詩情，

凝結了靈性中天生的機能。

(格雷，Thomas Grey)

我還滿喜歡的，講述的是人類有史以來所累積的知識，貧窮的卻無法獲得，也因此無法使他們發揮自己的潛能。  此詩引用在這篇文章裡實在很合宜。  

我查了一下此詩的英文發現是一首很不容易讀的詩。  也滿長的。  用的字眼都滿古老。  和一般我們用的詞彙不容易直接對照。  我把同一段的英文錄在此：

But Knowledge to their eyes her ample page,  
  Rich with the spoils of time, did ne'er unroll;            
Chill Penury repress'd their noble rage,  
  And froze the genial current of the soul.  

學的越多，離道越遠

 The more you learn, the further from truth you are.  

I heard this before, or something similar.  I read it in a 武俠小說。  That monk is one of the greatest martial artists and Buddhism scholars at the time.  But in a instant, he lost all his martial ability.  Then he got enlightened.  This suddenly reminded me of a Zen story.  One of the great Zen master always shows his index finger when people asking him, what is zen.  One of his young disciples does the same when everyone asks him the same question.   One day, the Zen master sees his young disciple showing his index finger to a faith seeker.  He gets angry and pulled a knife, then cut off disciple's finger.  The young boy is in tear and pain.  But immediately, the Zen master asks the young disciple, "what is zen?"  The boy turned and showed his master the index finger in a habit.  Suddenly, the young disciples is enlightened!  

The words, written or speaking, are like that index finger.  It is visible.  But it meaning hidden between the utterer and receiver of the words.  We  can mimic

喜鵲謀殺案讀後感 含劇透

     I just finished the book.  I borrowed from library a couple months ago but did not finish it.  For some reasons, I kept thinking about it.  So I went to library trying to borrow it.  However, I'd already forgot the name, so I went to the circular desk and ask the librarians.  I told two young librarians, I am looking for a book I borrowed before.  I wonder if they could find it in my account.  They said the system does not hold such records.  So they started to ask me about the book.  I described the book as one of the staff's pick a couple months ago.  It's a detective story, red cover, the title contained some birds.  They both immediately said, Magpie Murders!  It was kind funny.  I got the book right away.  

    I really like the book.  I think it was quite engaging.  The way it presented itself was quite unusual.  A story within a story.  Both stories are engaging.  But at the end, when the first story finally finished, it was quite powerful for me.  Because the characters are all different now.  They took on a new meaning from the second story, especially for the characters from the first story were based on real person in the second story.  Even when I writing this afterthought, I found it a bit confusing to describe the plot...  

There're a lot of reference to the Agatha Christie novels, but I haven't even read one of her novels.  

I am kind comparing this one to the the Ganache series.  I felt this one is more grounded.  The characters were written in a more realistic way.  Because a lot of time, I find characters in Ganache series a bit like caricatures.  

I feel like the author really paid a tribute to the genre both for written words and TVs with this book.  Because the amount of reference for both media are a lot.  

I never see answers in neither stories, but the most surprising was the first story.

I saw some interviews with the author, he said his idea came from ArthurConanDoyle.    ACD hated Holmes so much, he wanted to kill the character off.  And apparently, a lot of author, including Agatha as well hated their own creations.  This gave author the idea for this book.  When I saw those interviews.  I thought it was indeed the case, the book wrote extensively about the relation with author and his own creation.  I guess it's why the ending for the first book was so appealing to me.  Author lives through their creations.  And yet, when it was demanded of them to use the same character, it became a grind, even debasing their ideals.  It was kind sad.  

I knew this book has a Chinese translation.  So I went and read some reviews.  Most of them said the same thing, bad translation and editing ruined the whole thing, both Mainland'sandTaiwan's version.  It was a shame.  But I would think this is a very hard book to translate, because it really has lots of references to classic mystery novels.  Plus I think it's so very British.  So unless the translator is really familiar with both Britain and classic mystery novels, it would is really difficult to do justice.  I only read it through 1 time, but I know I could only understand less than half of the contents, maybe even less...  

But even so, I could not put down the book once passed the opening scenes.  

Now  to think about it.  It was so weird that the victim was so disliked by everyone.  That made his death less sympathetic for the readers.  And yet, while I was reading it, I could not put it down.  

讀一篇法布爾的文章

 我最近看到法布爾的一篇自述，裡面有一段我覺得饒有趣味。  他說他第一次有科學的經驗是小時候想看看到底是眼睛看到太陽，還是嘴巴。  於是，他用了一個方法。  面朝著太陽，他同時把眼睛閉起來，嘴巴張開， 結果太陽就消失了；接者，他把眼睛張開，嘴巴閉起來，這次太陽出現了。  於是，他用歸納法得出了一個結論，是眼睛看到太陽，而不是嘴巴。  但是，當他把這個結論告訴其他人時，每個人都笑得噴飯。  

我滿喜歡這篇文章，本想把它錄下來。  但是很可惜，我在念的時候實在有太多地方拗口，不通順。  這實在是可惜。  很可惜。  我念的這一本是沉櫻編選的散文集。  裡面有一半是翻譯文，有不少是法國的文章。  雖說可能是英文翻譯過來的，但是畢竟我看的法國文章很少，我覺得很難得。  可惜的就是翻譯不是很順暢。  想找找看，有無英文版的，自己翻譯試試。  但是找不到。  

---------------------------

在我找這片文章的過程中，我發現一個奇怪的題目，例如：法布爾面對進化論：不重視還是仇視？  (fabre and evoultion, indifference or blind hatred).  之後還有陸陸續續其他類似的題目。  

這篇文章之所以吸引我，很大的部分就在於法布爾開宗明義地說他不相信當時很多人所信服的一套理論，這套理論就是遺傳，主要是說大部分的本領都是由上面好幾代鍛鍊好了傳給下一代的。  我剛開始找這篇文章用的是 heritage，但是在找了一陣子後，我現在改找 evolution。  但是還是找不到。  

剛好這一篇我想讀的文章和這個搜尋的結果似乎可以連在一起。  看來，法布爾始終覺得進化論只是一個理論， 這個看法可能衍生自他對遺傳的看法。  當他提到天才的時候，就和遺傳分家了。  

這一篇翻譯，最後一段還是可讀的，我把他鈔錄如下：

「現在應當把這篇講我自己的故事結束起來了。  從這一篇以看出從很小的時候我就很愛好自然的事物，我又有觀察的才能。  為什麼緣故，又是怎樣起來的呢？  我不知道。 

我們人與動物都有些特別的才能。  有個小孩喜歡音樂，別一個時常用泥土塑出東西來，又一個長於計算。  在昆蟲也是這樣。  一種蜂能夠切葉，別一種建築泥房，蜘蛛知道織網。  這些才能˙因為存在所以是存在，人們所說的只是這一句話罷了。  在人類裡，我們稱這特別的才能曰天才。 在昆蟲裡，我們稱他做本能。  本能即是動物的天才。」

----------------------------------------------------------------

  

我今天看到的動物

Morning:

I was watering the dahlias in the morning.  I saw a hummingbird flying around the flowers.  It's the second morning I saw it.  What a beautiful sight!  

Morning: 

I was riding a bike through skug river preservation.  I came upon a long board walk, which passed through the Skug river.  There is a section filled completely with duckweed(浮萍)。  And among them, there're so many frogs, with eyes popping out of the duckweed.  I sat on the boardwalk, just to enjoy the view, after a while, I rose and trying to leave, so many frogs jumped out of the river, and made a very interesting call.  What a fantastic experience.  

Evening:

I was watering in the evening, the weather was hot, about 100 degree F today.  I saw a large insect.  It looks like a locust?!  I feel it was almost 4 inches.  

Making voicerecording so far

 It is so hard...  

When I read, I like to read in a whisper sometimes.  I thought if I could record some of the materials, it would be interesting.  And I was right.  It is interesting, but so very hard.  

I could not read without all kinds of noises, from my nose, my throat, even my stomach.   I usually do my recording after dinner.  I guess that doesn't help the noises.  

I just recently put an video up YT.  I spend more than a month to do it.  Because I want to use PPt to make slides with pictures and the article.  But I need to learn the most basic of PPt.  BTW, I don't have PPt.  So I used Libreoffice Impress.  It works the same, almost.  Then there's the format and design of the slides.  I eventually decides to go with the Traditional Chinese format, vertical style.  That took some doing.  Along the way, I scrapped the plan for a partial quote of the article to a full copy.  Because, my recording has too many problems, wrong pronunciations, adding words that's not there, or subtracting words that's there.  And therein lies a real problem.  I re-record a few more times, trying to see if I could replace the intended voice recording.  I failed, I could not produce another recording with the same tone, speed, and emotions.  

Anyway, it was frustrated.  I spent half day putting this project up on YT after talking to my sis.  She said if the  mistakes did not alter the story, I should just salvage it.  So I did.  

Another thing, no more sending videos to relatives and people.  Let them live in peace...  lol  The recording is really not a joy to listen.  I listened on a laptop then a cellphone.  My gosh, the cellphone's quality is pretty bad.  I can imagine what other people would think.  So no more.  Just let it flow on the YT ocean, and hope no one will find them and tell me to pull them down...  lol

鷹之道 賽。蟒剛麼瑞

Just finished a very brief book by SyMontgomery.  It's very different from her other writings, because she gave up the activity of falconry.    The main reason for giving up is due to the fact that hunting is not in her blood, to be specific, killing is not in her makeup.  She is still awed by the beauty and wildness of raptors.  I don't think anybody wouldn't be awed by it.  Though I do remember from KonradLarenz's writing, he does not think raptors are smart.  Sy thought points out the instinct part of raptors as the essence of the bird, not truly it's intelligence.  And there're also many ways intelligence, Raptors way of intelligence is just very different from ours.  

I liked this book about its honesty and humility.  Because her choice at the end is very impressive, it shows humility really.  I'd imagine somewhere in her heart, a desire to complete falconry training must be strong.  But she knew herself, her circumstances, her relations, she turned it down.  She is not just speaking about being an animal lover, but really acts as one.  For I believe that by denying herself to train for 2 years with a raptor, she protected both a raptor she's going to handle and herself.  An over bloated promise, will make injury to both parties.  

Also, I am wondering if there are writing about falconry in 華夏大地.  What's their experience?  What's their language?  

Quote:

Our fellow animals teach us lessons about the delights of sameness and difference. They immerse us in wonder. They lead us to humility; they inspire us to reverence. They teach us the many facets of love.

Reminder: Slow to Anger. And moderation in Anger.

 Slow to Anger

Moderation in Anger.