歌詞

Today

-Artists: The New Christy Minstrels as sung on " The New Christy Minstrels

-Greatest Hits": Sony Special Products BT 18113

-peak Billboard position # 17 in 1964

-from the movie "Advance To the Rear" starring Glenn Ford, Stella Stevens,

-Melvyn Douglas, Joan Blondell, Jim Backus, and Andrew Prine

-Words and Music by Minstrels' leader Randy Sparks



Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine

I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine

A million tomorrows shall all pass away

Ere I forget all the joy that is mine today



I'll be a dandy and I'll be a rover

You'll know who I am by the song that I sing

I'll feast at your table, I'll sleep in your clover

Who cares what the morrow shall bring?



Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine

I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine



I can't be contented with yesterday's glory

I can't live on promises winter to spring (winter to spring)

Today is my moment and now is my story

I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing



Today while the blossoms still cling to the vine

I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine

A million tomorrows shall all pass away

Ere I forget all the joy that is mi-uh-ine today
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Do not forsake me, oh my darlin
music by Dimitri Tiomkin
lyrics by Ned Washington
ballad of movie High Noon
sung in the movie by Tex Ritter
most famously sung by Frankie Laine



Do not forsake me, oh my darlin'
On this, our weddin' day
Do not forsake me, oh my darlin'
Wait, wait along
I do not know what fate awaits me
I only know I must be brave
And I must face a man who hates me
Or lie a coward, a craven coward
Or lie a coward in my grave
Oh, to be torn 'tweenst love and duty
S'posin' I lose my fair-haired beauty
Look at that big hand move along
Nearin' high noon
He made a vow while in state prison
Vowed it would be my life or his'n
I'm not afraid of death but oh
What will I do if you leave me?
Do not forsake me, oh my darlin'
You made that promise as a bride
Do not forsake me, oh my darlin'
Although you're grievin', don't think of leavin'
Now that I need you by my side
Wait along,(wait along) wait along
Wait along, wait along
(Wait along, ,wait along, wait along, wait along)

------------------------------------------------------------

Marty Robbins - The Hanging Tree Lyrics

I came to town to search for gold
And I brought with me a memory
And I seem to hear the night wind cry,
"Go hang your dreams on the hangin' tree
Your dreams of love that could never be
Hang your faded dreams on the hangin' tree!"

I searched tor gold and I found my gold
And I found a girl who loved just me
And I wished that I could love her too
But I'd left my heart on the hangin' tree
I'd left my heart with a memory
And a faded dream on the hangin' tree.

Now there were men who craved my gold
And meant to take my gold from me
When a man is gone he needs no gold
So they carried me to the hangin' tree
To join my dreams and a memory
Yes they carried me to the hangin' tree.

To really live you must almost die
And it happened just that way with me
They took the gold and set me free
And I walked away from the hangin' tree
I walked away from the hangin' tree
And my own true love, she walked with me!

That's when I knew that the hangin' tree
Was a tree of life, new life for me
A tree of hope, new hope for me
A tree of love, new love tor me
The hangin' tree, the hangin' tree, the hangin' tree!

----------------------------------------------------------------


 North To Alaska 2:47
(Franks, Horton)
Johnny Horton
Pop Chart # 4 Sept. 19, 1960
Columbia Records #41782
Album: 'Johnny Horton 16 Biggest Hits'
Columbia Legacy Records CK 69971



Intro:
Way up north (north to Alaska)
Way up north (north to Alaska)

North to Alaska
You go north, the rush is on
North to Alaska
I go North, the rush is on

Big Sam left Seattle in the year of ninety-two
With George Pratt, his partner and brother, Billy, too
They crossed the Yukon River
And found the Bonanza Gold
Below that old white mountain
Just a little south-east of Nome

Sam crossed the majestic mountains (mush)
To the valleys far below (mush)
He talked to his team of huskies (mush)
As he mushed on through the snow (mush)
With the northern lights a-runnin' wild (mush)
In the land of the midnight sun (mush)
Yes, Sam McCord was a mighty man (mush)
In the year of nineteen-one (mush)

Where the river is windin'
Big nuggets they're findin'
North to Alaska
They go North, the rush is on

A-way up north (north to Alaska)
Way up north (north to Alaska)
North to Alaska
They go north, the rush is on
North to Alaska
They go north the rush is on

George turned to Sam
Wth his gold in his hand
Said, 'Sam you're a-lookin' at a lonely, lonely man
'I'd trade all the gold that's buried in this land
For one small band of gold to place
On sweet little Ginnie's hand

'Cause a man needs a woman
To love him all the time
'Remember, Sam, a true love is so hard to find
I'd build for my Ginnie, a honeymoon home
Below that old white mountain
Just a little south-east of Nome'

Where the river is windin'
Big nuggets they're findin'
North to Alaska
They go north, the rush is on
North to Alaska
They go North, the rush is on

Way up north (north to Alaska)
Way up north (north to Alaska)
FADES-
Way up north (north to Alaska)
Way up north (north to Alaska)
Way up north.

thoughts after reading

I just read a chapter in e.o. wilson's on human nature about aggression.  it's interesting that he seems to be  complete opposite of Konrad lorenz.  at least, that's what appeared in his own writing.  one of his most frequent description of lorenz's view on aggression is that lorenz think aggressive sports can discharge some of the intra-species aggression.  but as wilson pointed out that aggressive action is more a learned behavior with human predisposition of aggression.  wilson seemed to say that we can curb aggression by avoiding violent things, like not using foul langauge, playing violent video games, or aggressive sports.  and he pointed out that there were many crisis, but eventually, people got out of the tough situation by using reason as last resort.  wilson seemed optimistic compared to lorenz.

I need to read on aggression again.  

old ball

there's a boy of ten
his friends were gone because
he moved to a new places

father comfort him
now now, you will find new friends
mother encourage him
isn't it a beautiful quaint place

boy of ten went to new school
there's no friends, everyone a strange
boy came back from school
new place isn't quaint,
he lost his way to his house
he's out, until he was found

oh, poor little boy, strange faces will
fade, father said.
oh, new road will be old again if
travel more, mother said.

boy of ten could only comfort himself with
an old worn basketball

no title

for your sake, let me say this out loud
if you love me, please say it now. 
if i love you, i wish to show it to you
but but what if there's no hope

i can see it in your eyes.
that glint of hope flows out
but i know how heart could be
treacherous.  how it could deceive me
with a mirror i polished
with tireless effort

I want to ask you this, but throughout the century
were you there for me?
is it just me yapping my mouth blindly
oh, it must be a pure dream, for I can feel
your image cramping out my eye socket

if i want a fastest car in the world, that
was used to chase after you
if i wanted to have wings, which was
used to track your shadow.
but oh, I regret my thoughts
or is it my will free of physical boundaries?

 

那兩位教授說的...

最近看到一本書, 書名叫 wealth and power, 中文是富強.  兩位美國教授合作的.  其實就是前不久, 拙林貼的一篇提到中國近代史改寫的文章, 同樣的兩位教授. 

書 裡舉了幾個代表人物, 都是近代史上有意思的人物.  從魏源開始介紹, 到朱鎔基.  不斷的把近代各作者的思想和富強提出聯繫, 富強就是富國強兵的縮寫, 因此他們譯成, wealth and power.  無論是魏源, 梁啟超, 孫中山, 鄧小平, 等, 都沒能真正脫離愛國主義.  唯一有意思的是毛澤東, 他對中國文化的徹底破壞, 給鄧小平的經濟開放鋪了路.  對之後的朱鎔基也頗有好評.  認為他對於經濟的發展是正面的.  最後面的結論一篇更指明了愛國主義對於整個近代和現代中國的進程, 有著主導性的地位.  因為無論是毛的破壞, 還是鄧的開放, 或者是朱的經濟, 都是為了富國強兵.  而直到現在除了開發, 現在的中國提不出一個中心價值觀(core value).  他既不願接受歐美的民主自由, 人權等等, 除了富國強兵之外, 他也沒有自己的價值觀.  書裡認為這是另一個轉變的開始, 可以是好的, 也可以是壞.  也就是現在是處於一個非常不穩定的時代.  這也讓我聯想到之前易中天說的中國人沒有中心價值觀.  這一串的文章的出現, 確是一種轉變. 

易中天說中國人沒有信仰, 也就是沒有中心價值觀.  我本人是不能同意的.  因為在我認為, 他提到中華文化的部分是矛盾的.  既然中華文化是世界性的第一大 tier 之一.  又說中華文化沒有中心價值觀, 基本上他自己就否定掉中華文化了.  如果易中天說, 中華文化就是實用主義.  這個主義, 實在是人類最根本的本能, 哪裡能成為文化呢?  但是, 我一想, 也對, 自毛澤東出來後, 中華文化是被否定掉了.  剩下的豈不就只剩實用主義了嗎?  那兩位美國教授, 認為毛澤東把中華文化去掉了, 所以現在才能使經濟蒸蒸日上.  但是, 現在又來講要中心價值觀?  似乎沒必要...

(最近易中天又把中華的部分重寫.  他不提實用主義了, 他說中華文化沒有信仰, 可是中華文化之所以能成為世界性文化, 是因為:  方式.)

自從易中天說中華文化沒有信仰, 也就是沒有中心價值觀時, 我就一直在考慮這個問題.  因為我看過蘇老泉曾寫過, "士以義怒", 一句話.  我那時也曾想過, 那個義到底是啥意思?  這個義是否可以是中心價值觀?  可是我當時就想, 中國似乎自古及近代都沒有真正提出一個 '義'.  試看韓愈在原道提出了:

-----'夫所謂先王之教者，何也？博愛之謂仁，行而宜之之謂義，由是而之焉之謂道，足乎己無待於外之謂德。其文，詩書易春秋；其法，禮樂刑政；其民，士農工賈；其位，君臣父子師友賓主昆弟夫婦；其服，麻絲；其居，宮室；其食，粟米果蔬魚肉：其為道易明，而其為教易行也。'-----

這裡面似乎全都是實用主義.  以今日歐美的所謂中心價值觀, 獨立, 自由, 平等(易中天列的) 來看, 這裡沒有類似的東西.  易中天也提出了今日歐美的名詞在程度上有種種不同:

-----'具體地說，就是獨立、自由、平等。此外的人權、法治、民主、共和、憲政，則不是。人權和法治是觀念，共和與憲政是制度，民主則既是觀念也是制度。它們都不是價值，而是價值的體現，以及實現這些價值之最不壞和最可行的途徑。這事過去一直是糊塗賬，現在不能不算清楚。

   獨立、自由、平等這三大核心價值，是文藝復興以後被重新發現的。儘管它們在古希臘文明中已初見端倪，但真正成為西方國家的全民共識和朝野共識，仍然費了不小的工夫。然而一旦確立，西方現代文明便騰空躍起。
    是這樣嗎？是。
    一般都認為，西方經濟發達科技進步，是因為制度先進、優越、完善。比方說，著作權法和新聞出版法保護了知識產權和言論自由，科技當然進步；合同法和反壟斷法保證了自由貿易和公平競爭，經濟當然發達。
    問題是，這些制度為什麼能夠建立，而且能夠實行呢？就因為制度背後有觀念的支持，比如“這是我的小破屋，風能進，雨能進，國王不能進”，比如“我堅決反對 你的意見，但我寧願犧牲生命也要捍衛你說出這意見的權利”。這些觀念被廣為傳播，早已深入人心，無論政府官員還是江湖大佬，都不敢頂風作案，冒天下之大不 韙。
    制度的背後是觀念，觀念的背後是什麼？
    價值。
    比方說，因為尊重獨立，所以要保護隱私；因為崇尚自由，所以要保護言論；因為堅持平等，所以要保護民權。這才有了人權觀念、法治意識、創新機制、保障體系，有了自由貿易、公平競爭、權力制衡、輿論監督，有了一系列的觀念和制度，而且能夠落實和執行。
    價值、觀念、制度，是一種由裡到外層層遞進的邏輯關係。西方現代國家能夠勃然興起後來居上，創造出當今世界最強大、最強勢、最強悍的文明，就因為他們把這個邏輯關係弄清了，理順了，夯實了，建構成渾然一體的東西。'-----

 如果和韓愈的東西兩相比較, 我就覺得除了愛和義之外,獨立, 自由, 平等, 要比其他韓愈提出的更像核心價值.  也比禮樂刑政更令人嚮往.  禮樂刑政聽起來像是制度.  而觀念似乎並沒有真正的再韓愈的原道裡出現. 

對於整個中國來說現在是一個轉變的時機.  我沒有辦法忘記我在蘇州時和大姨說, 在毛澤東時代, 疆獨沒能能鬧出來.  實在是因為當時大家都相信共產主義.  這個共產主義可以是一個核心價值觀.  但現在常常出事, 實在是因為愛國主義, 甚至大漢主義所造成的.  這兩位美國教授所想的, 我在幾年前就想過, 也和拙林提出來過.  我基本上認為易中天在講歐美和回教時都滿好的.  我仍是不喜歡他講中華文化的部分.  我已經看過易中天的網誌很多次, 他中華文化的部分改了又改.  我相信很多人也都不喜歡.  但, 我也無法把中華文化的價值觀講出來.

我常常覺得, 中華文化, 那些古籍從不是真的在講中國人, 而是講全人類. 唉, 無論如何, 我得承認現在這是超出我的能力範圍.  無論是書讀的太少太少,幾乎完全不經世事, 也與人隔絕.  這三件事都使我無法認識價值觀的可能.

不過, 這似乎只是古代價值觀的認識, 而不是現代價值觀的開展.  我最近的想法真的是, 當初王陽明的心學沒能繼續開展, 只滿足於心靈上的滿足, 而不求之於事功, 實在是一大遺憾.  到了清朝, 又只能求之於事功, 而不能在心靈上有所闡明.  也或許前一代的發展終有推進後一代的銳進.  只是我因為那三件事, 而不能看的清楚.  雖然易中天所說的我不見得儘都贊同, 但是易中天所做的是很值得推許的. 

亂想

很多樹如果給予足夠的空間, 都會長成某一種特殊的形狀.  可是如果把多種樹種到一起去, 則這些樹都無法長成那些屬於自己的特殊形狀.  那麼那一種形狀是天性嗎?  如果是天性, 把樹種在一起就無法讓他們盡自己的天性.  但是, 又有多少樹可以有那麼好的空間呢?  大多數的樹, 都是擠在一起, 很多都希望自己盡量向天空發展.  向天空發展也是他們自然的一種天性. 

天性看起來有很多種.  那人觀察樹的天性時, 實在不能只看空地裡的樹, 或者只看樹叢裡的樹...  天性實在是很難啊. 

chatter

Feeling lonely.  I wish to engage in some chat somehow.  Feeling lonely.  Working in a temp job right now.  The work is mostly physical, after the job, I feel empty.  There're fleeting words.  They are fleeting.  I feel empty. 

Tomorrow, another kind of work.  Gotta go to uncle's. 

Where are you. 
what are you doing? 
Wish to see you. 
But my heart is weak. 
Upon seeing you,
afraid it might stop jump. 

浸漬水果

上個星期六, Julie 阿姨帶了一大罐自己浸漬的桃子.  桃子也是自家後院摘的.  好好吃, 家珍阿姨還特地從座位的另一頭跑來我們這一頭把整罐浸漬桃子拿到自己那一頭.   Julie 阿姨說可以去他家摘桃子, 我和他說下午去. 

下午三點我和媽媽去摘桃子.  Julie 阿姨說, 等你等不及, 我自己又醃了兩罐了!  有點抱歉, 我應該和他說我們當天中午要和舅媽去吃包肥的.  他家後院有一顆種了幾年的桃樹, 近兩三年才開始結果.  Jeff 叔叔拿了梯子, Julie 阿姨拿了兩個籃子, 於是我們就摘起桃子.  桃子不是很大, 桃樹也不高.  但是桃子的數量卻很多, Julie 阿姨已經醃了三四罐桃子了, 我們看到的仍是滿樹桃子.  媽媽和我還有點不好意思摘太多, Jeff 叔叔和 Julie 阿姨很大方的勸我們多多益善.  天氣很好, 藍天綠地, 藍子裡的桃子也堆積起來. 終於, 我們滿足的拿了一大堆的桃子進入屋裡.  我還留在外頭和 Jeff 叔叔討論車道的修補之法.  他帶我看他們的材料和工具, 又走在車道上指給我看各種材料適用的各種情況.  過了好一陣子, 我們才返回屋內, 一看, 哇, Julie 阿姨和媽媽已經開始做浸漬桃子了!  我們摘的桃子足足裝了三個罐子!  Jeff 叔叔一看, 他居然把浸漬的材料背出來:

七糖一醋+一茶匙酸梅粉. 

我們都覺得有趣, 原來他喜歡吃到把怎麼做都記下來了!  他也笑說他在 Julie 阿姨身旁, 也是 "耳濡目染" 哪!  哈哈哈! 

回家的路上, 媽媽覺得我們家門前的 crap apple tree 上的蘋果也可以這樣醃製.  我一開始覺得怪怪的.  可是媽媽下定了決心, 於是回到家後, 我們就又摘了半樹的蘋果.  蘋果不多.  這蘋果樹也是個有趣的故事.  前年, 一場很大的暴風雨突襲美國東北, 我們的那棵樹本來有兩根粗大的樹幹, 其中一根在風雨之中被吹斷.  一開始, 我們想要把他連根崛起算了, 但是, 發現這工程太貴.  於是我下了決心要把他鋸掉.  沒想到的是, 這棵樹實在是很難鋸, 硬的不得了, 而且又粗, 枝椏盤旋環繞, 我的弓鋸也不夠大.  花了不少時間終究還剩下一小段沒能除掉.  鋸下的樹幹一時之間不知道要放哪.  因為那時已經有些小枝子從根裡長出來.  我想, 說不定以後又可以長成個樣子出來.  就突發奇想, 把一整棵樹用截斷的樹幹圍起來.  當然, 看起來很有點突兀...

之後的一年裡, 小枝子也發出葉子, 但是, 卻沒有開什麼花.  我滿失望的, 因為每年春天五月, 這棵樹都會開成滿樹的花. 在我們街上非常顯眼漂亮.  那時也是不結果子的.  畢竟樹太老了.  可那滿樹的花實在值得期待.  今年春天五月, 我到蘇州一趟回來, 沒能看到開花.  心中有點可惜.  走進一看, 咦, 有小果子.  記得以前也有過一些, 但是從來沒能漲起來過.  我也沒放在心上.  近幾個月卻看他逐漸長大, 媽媽看的很歡喜.  常常說要吃吃看.  我說, 這種 crap apple 怎麼會好吃.  媽媽不信, 一個月前他摘了一個微紅的小蘋果嚐嚐.  啊, 的確是不好吃.  我說也還沒真的熟哩... 

前兩週吧, 媽媽又試了一次, 他覺得雖然還是不怎麼好吃, 終究不那麼難下嚥了.  沒想到, 現在得到了這個食譜!  真是猶如天降的禮物!  我們那天醃了一大罐蘋果.  今天下午又把剩下來的大部分蘋果摘下來浸漬.  我們還拍了照片並且留了兩顆紅蘋果給鳥吃.  唉, 有了食譜真希望他年年點果子! 

徵

my mom called my uncle, who's in suchow with my grandpa right now.  he was silent as usual.  so my mom initiated talks as usual.  she heard from aunt pl yesterday that grandpa told uncle he will come to usa to live with him.  we even went to uncle's house to talk to aunt, who confirmed with us.  but my uncle replied, no, it's not confirmed yet.  then he fell silent.  my mom was relieved when hearing from aunt pl a little bit.  upon hearing the response from my uncle, she felt a twinge.  she then asked how he slept.  my uncle chuckled.  since my uncle had nothing to say, my mom asked if  grandpa was up.  he was, but he constipated again, he did not feel well at all. 

mom talked to grandpa.  but he was so unwell, he could not hear anything.  my mom kept telling him, how happy she was with his news of coming to usa.  but repeatedly he could not perceive it at all.  after a few times, my mom asked grandpa to give phone to uncle.  but still grandpa could not hear it.  eventually, mom told grandpa to hang up the phone numerous times.  grandpa apparently could not hear at all, finally hung up the phone. 

what it showed me, was horrifying.  because initially, i understand if grandpa came to usa, my mom will be the sacrificing lamb.  for grandpa will not and dare not scold uncle and aunt, he will then redirect aggression against my mom.  But now, I saw something else in this intricate play.  grandpa, under uncle's influence, will turn vicious with my mom.  This viciousness will morally hurt my mom.  grandpa is already bitter.  uncle will turn him into a colossus.  grandpa still care for my mom before now.  but that attitude will change when he's with uncle and aunt.  with my mom's attachment to her own parents, this will be proven fatal. 

uncle and aunt don't have the intention, but their emotional inclination toward my mom will likely be at work.  my mom's attitude will not help in the situation either. 

quote

I saw the magnificent seven today.  I think it's a good western.  It has more twist than seven samurai.  But I didn't like Yul Brynner that much.  I did not care too much about Steve Mcqueen here either.  I never planned to watch this movie if not for Charles Bronson.  And it's kind funny that if not for Frasier, I'd never watch this movie...  lol  Because Frasier's dad Martin love Charles Bronson.  I felt the movie as its own was pretty good, I liked the twist here.  But I just have too much seven samurai in my mind.

Anyway, I remembered a quote by Steve M's character, I think it's funny. Somebody asked how you doing?  Steve M's character answered with joke:

"A fella fell from a tall building, everyone on different floor heard the fella as he fell past their floor saying, "So far so good, so far so good." 

I forgot the exact wording, but that's about it... 

rambling

It's been two weeks, mascon haven't called back yet.  I need to call. 

I really wish to have a girl by my side.  But I really could not construct a future at all.  Do I lost my aggressive drive?  Would this related to my wanting to be correct and proper?  And any deviate from correctness and proper is unbearable to me personally.  I really really wish to have a girl I love by my side. 

If i settled in a new situation, it became stale.  But I won't find new ways to improve it. 

Sometimes i wonder if my desire to be able to satisfy a girl in bed is so fervent, would be because I could never make my mom happy.  And this disgusts me to my stomach.  As I dig deeper, I think it related to the aggressive drive, which somehow could not realized in any proper  channel.  For I watch over every possible channel.  I do not want to have any leak.  Of course, aggression escaped in most infuriating sense.  I tried even harder.  Until now, I meet angry with either flapper mouse, or masterbet, or drowsiness, or if I was lucky enough to get a hold myself, I do exercise.  But exercise was rare. 

That is not to say that I don't feel genuine love towards the opposite sex.  On the contrary, the intensity was and is unbearable.  My mom and sis and uncle always wonder why I did not go to animal shelter.  I could not go because, I was so attracted to female colleagues, I can't stay.  Some one can tell me that all men feel the same, but for me, they can be around girls.  I just felt out of control, jealous, self despise, embarrassment.  Excuses, excuses... 

and right now, confession did not make me feel relieved.  it is like reliving my nightmares.  just remember, if i could not construct a future, i can't have a girl.  no contact, no discussion, never compromise! 

沒眼光

昨天和鄰居的小孩玩籃球.  他們是五缺一.  我剛好頂上.  之前有看過他們打, 我不覺得怎麼樣.  可是打了幾場下來, 他們都滿會玩的.  有兄弟倆, 都很能投球, 哥哥的上籃也滿行.  兄弟倆的父親精壯剽悍, 技術實在.  我的鄰居是很強壯高大, 射球也有一定的準頭.  另外一位也是高大強壯, 準頭也有. 

跟他們打, 我就覺得自己沒眼光.  之前看的時候不覺得怎樣, 一打就知道滿不是自己看的那樣. 這讓我想到第一次看到史第夫王打球.  亨利黃說他很厲害, 好快.  我當時也覺得不怎麼樣.  打起來後才知道他橫向爆發力真的很不錯.  還好他運球普通, 不然就真的很可怕了. 

我的眼光真的很差.  回來後和媽媽說, 媽媽也同意.  他就用我昨天同一天的例子, 我可以在衣服店裡待兩三個小時, 一件衣服也買不到.  我說, 眼光不好, 遲疑猶豫就很正常了.  媽媽一想也對. 

另外一提, 打球時兄弟倆的父親比我年紀大至少十五六歲, 卻比我有精力, 又能跑又能跳.  我滿悲傷的.  想想上次和亨利黃, 飛, 史第夫王, roger 葉打球時, 我現在可能比那次好一點.  但和那位父親相比, 實在太差... 

中華文化之一

中華文化之一, 第一點就是反古. 尤其是拿古人的話來反古.  第一個笑孔丘的人就是孔丘的學生.  哈哈哈.

要說清楚某種文化長啥樣子是極端困難的.  中華文化和別種文化不同的地方是很難由中國人來說的.  我覺得只有從外國人口不經意之間可以得知.  我現在可以想到的是, 民初時,某外國訪問學者說, 中國的學生都積極從事政治活動, 美國的學生都對政治興趣缺缺. 

我覺得這是最有趣的觀察,可是我現在認為這是最能清楚描述中華文化的一句話之一.  印象中東漢士人和宦官, 一直到明朝太監和士林, 都不斷有這種衝突.  反而是從事農工虞商的人在我印象裡少從事政治活動, 除非是官商勾結, 或者是宋以前士族的活動.

The change of attitude

When I read gun powder, steel, and germs, I found it was interesting that the attitude of the author was different from other people, namely zinn howard.  After that I read some books about conservation.  It has a very different sentiment from conservation a hundred years ago. What was the difference?  How come I put two comparisons side by side?  Are they even related?  I don't know.  But it is interesting that when I read one, the other would pop up somewhere in my mind. 

The difference between the first two was that GsG did not apologize for the misery of European expansion.  It emphasized that when other people got the technology, the same people oppressed by European expansion, started to oppress other people too.  I remembered GsG used an example from some native islanders in new zealand. 

The difference between the conservationist now and the ones who started conservation a hundred years ago was the treatment of the big predators, especially the apex predators. 

Are these two category related?  I think yes, in some ways.  The so called apex predators controlled the ecology.  European expansion signified as most advanced technology, maybe even culture.  Such culture, was the apex predator in comparison.  However, it is a cynical comparison.  Because, when I read about how to save tigers, wolves, I felt warm feelings, even love.  But when I read the paragraph that whoever got highest technology will start to conquer, torture, destroy its neighbors, it was heart wrench, distant, and cold. 

I've always asked a question.  When you did something wrong, what would we do next?  We could say, other people would do so in my steed as well.  That's the feeling what GsG gave me.  But when it came to animal conservation, many books talked about the economic reason for killing predator animals a hundred years ago.  Many books would use many mythologies from native people. 

All those writings up there did not really summed clearly what I was going to say.  It is merely random notes on sporadic feelings toward something vague... 

booblablablabla

I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend.  I want to have girlfriend.  I don't want to have a girl friend. 

中華...文化...阿....?!?!

易中天先生寫了一套書, 還沒寫玩, 他先來個序.  他在排世界裡各文化的位置.  排的很好, 總共有三環, 所有文化都有機會.  第一環三名, 伊斯蘭, 歐洲, 中華.   第二環,印度, 日本...等等.  第三環, 朝鮮, 東南亞...等等.

文章說, 第一環的文化叫做世界文化.  然後他拿出一個盒子,上面寫著伊斯蘭, 盒蓋打開, 裡面是宗教信仰和博愛, 世界中期歷史之花.  他又拿出第二個盒子, 上面寫著歐洲,他把盒蓋打開,往裡面一瞧, 啊, 自由平等法治, 世界現代歷史之花.  最後, 他拿出第三個盒子, 上面寫著中華, 他小心翼翼的把盒蓋打開, 大家往裡一瞧, 咦, 東西呢?  他笑嘻嘻的說, 這就是中華文化, 你看, 你看, 你要信啥, 我都可以放在裡面.  這可是世界古代歷史之秀啊! 

an interesting quote from movie

Depression is the inability to construct a future.  -----Rollo May.  


I heard from movie, Side Effect. 

書鈔--on aggression

All from chapter of Ecce Homo

Aggressive behavior and killing inhibition represent only one special case among many in which phylogenetically adapted behavior mechanisms are thrown out of balance by the rapid change wrought in human ecology and sociology by culture development.  .......It is a widely held opinion, shared by some contemporary philosophers, that all human behavior patterns which served the welfare of the community, as opposed to that of the individual, are dictated by specifically human rational thought.  Not only is this opinion erroneous, but the very opposite is true.  If it were not for a rich endowment of social instincts, man could never have risen above the animal world.  All specifically human faculties, the power of speech, cultural tradition, moral responsiblity, could have evolved only in a being which, before the very dawn of conceptual thinking, lived in a well organized communities.  Our prehuman ancestor was indubitably as true a friend to his friend as a chimpanzee or even a dog, as tender and solicitous to the young of his community and as self-sacrificing in its defense, aeons before he developed conceptual thought and became aware of the consequences of his actions. 

According to the Immanuel  Kant's teachings on morality, it is human reason (Vernunft) alone which supplies the categorical imperative "thous halt" as an answer to responsible self-questioning concerning any possible consequences of a certain action.  However, it is doubtful whether "reason" is the correct translation of Kant's use of the word "Vernunft", which also implies connotation of common sense and of understanding and appreciation of another "reasonable" being.  For Kant it is self evident that one reasonable being cannot possibly want to hurt another.  This unconscious acceptance of what he considered evident, in other words common sense, represents the chink in the great philospher's shining armorof pure rationality, through which emotion,......

....

....

Even the first compensatory function of moral responsibility, preventing the Australopithecines from destroying themselves with their first pebble tools, could not have been achieved without an instinctive appreciation of life and death....

......
.....

Quote stop.


Then the author started to describe the increase rate of social change, which our biological behavior adaptability have a hard time to catch on.  

饅頭物語

我已經追逐饅頭超過十幾個年頭了.  第一次是看到舅媽做饅頭.  我驚喜的說要跟著學.  我第一做滿成功的.  做了十來個, 帶到大學去.  那時候跟室友處不來, 常常一個人帶了饅頭到圖書館, 一邊看書一邊啃饅頭, 直到深夜才回宿舍.  走在冷風裡, 還挺得意的.  自己會做饅頭, 就像小時候吃到的一樣. 

但是, 好景不常, 第二次, 和之後幾年, 就不再成功.  有時候, 饅頭沒發, 蒸出來是石頭.  有時候, 蒸出來的是麵包, 軟軟的, 發的大大的, 裡面全是氣泡.  要再去找舅媽討教時, 舅媽卻偏愛麵包式的饅頭.  軟軟的, 鬆鬆的那一種.  可那不是我印象裡的饅頭.  總記得老爸說的, "你看, 饅頭裡面有洞, 就是偷工減料!"  這樣一來, 只要做饅頭, 就猛減酵母粉的量, 或者糖的量, 一心只要饅頭要緊實, 不能有洞.  有時候還大揉特揉, 希望揉個一個小時.  可是一次又一次, 饅頭越來越硬, 連放在湯裡都很難軟化.  有時候甚至白麵粉會做出黃石頭.  終於, 我決定不做了. 

去年某個機緣, 看到麵包的做法, 裡面介紹用麵種.  腦袋裡又浮現饅頭.  那白白的外皮, 豐滿的形狀, 熱熱騰騰的特殊香氣.  我在網上找了一陣子, 在好幾個網誌上看到有人提到孟老師用老麵做得山東饅頭.  順藤摸瓜, 我終於找到了完美饅頭的方法!  當我用老麵照著孟老師的方法做出了無鹽無糖的山東饅頭.  那份喜悅真是不用提了. 

上個月, 我到一家山東店, 很興奮的看到他們也賣饅頭.  一方面想看看自己做得像不像, 一方面也想看看自己做得可不可能比他們的好吃, 我點了一個饅頭.  老闆, 一臉驚訝的看著我說, "真的嗎?  裡面是沒有餡的哦..."   看他一臉驚訝, 我也有點吃驚, 說, "我知道."  回家後, 覺得真是有趣.  我想, 一定很少有人叫這玩意兒.  又想到, 我的妹夫吃到我最近做的饅頭, 他一開始很高興的吃著.  吃了一口, 覺得有點奇怪, 趕緊再咬一口, 臉上更是充滿了訝異.  他問我妹妹, 怎麼裡面無餡?!  我妹妹說, 饅頭就是無餡的啊.  他傻了眼, 看著又無鹽又無糖更無餡的麵食, 連說, what's the point?  what's the point? 

離家不遠

 

(年度票選最佳散文)

透天三層洋房，座落在稻田旁，起風時，偶爾飄來豬屎堆肥異味。這是一個老舊翻新社區，八十三年夏推出，姊姊轉述建商說法：「前面要開一條八米路，直通鎮上心臟地帶；六輕在麥寮建廠，這裡必然大有發。」

  猛翻數倍後，房價是撐平、緩步下滑，我不太相信會有大好榮景。哥和姐決定比鄰各買一戶，爸爸說：「問問韻芳，或許她也想在西螺買厝，人親土親。」

  擁有一小方土地，是在台北難以達成的夢想，親友中不乏按月租地、翻土、施肥、種作，扮演都市農夫。對我而言：鋤犁是扛不動的浪漫，並不奢想嘗試。深層的想望是：九年後退休，住在舊厝附近，手足間各有獨立空間，卻是走幾步路或騎上鐵馬，就可以找爸媽談天說地、泡茶賞蘭。
  那年，父親剛過七十，我相信他會像阿嬤一樣高壽九五，我還有福氣承歡膝前十五年。兒時不曾分離的歡聚，正是短短十五載。
  爸爸曾經笑言：「算命先說我一生有財無庫，所以，當了二十幾年律師，仍是兩袖清風。」我坐在樹蔭清涼、繁花處處的大庭園裡，回想在這裡灌蟋蟀，卻灌出一條草蛇；空心菜摘了又長，如同變魔術一般神奇。
  也憶起七歲那年，調皮的我惹煩忙著汲水的阿嬤，她掄起竹掃把掃我一頓。夜裡，才想起是我的生日，煮出兩個蛋，一個歸我獨享，一個由哥姐分食。阿嬤摸摸我猶留笞痕的手臂：「死查某鬼仔！真是大人吃肉，囝仔吃打。」
  艱困歲月裡，厝內經濟是捉襟見肘，厝外卻是天寬地闊，任我遨遊。濁水溪堤岸，是一家人最常去的優美勝地－採西瓜、堆沙堡，或是揀回泛綠溪石，當成曠世稀寶典藏。
也有些活動，不能讓爸媽參與：到漫畫店租回「四郎真平」，藏在肚腹裡偷渡；花兩毛錢買枝仔冰，在圍牆外你一口、我一嘴舔個精光，夜裡吵架，捏得彼此腿上青一塊、紫一塊，天亮，媽喚姊姊打油，她瞪我一眼「走啦！」兩人一同出門，各走左右側溝沿，打了油，再各循原路返回。
  哥 在初一離家，從此，我們就不曾再吵過嘴。在電話是奢侈品、交通又不方便的時代，台中、西螺遠如天涯。最近，哥曾聊起當時心境：「新生訓練只有半天，結束 後，我走兩公里到車站，看著公路局的車子，心想：搭上車就可以回家；又想：明天還要上課，回去又得馬上出門，繞來繞去，不知該怎麼辦？
  最後，又走兩公里回學校。想像一個理和尚頭的小男孩，在車站來回徘徊，我不禁心酸。
 
幸運的我，晚三年才割斷臍帶。高一負笈他鄉，此後，台中、台北、華盛頓、紐約州，家，越來越遠。我如候鳥，逐月、逐季、逐年歸返。每一回，爸媽都問相同話語：「什麼時候擱轉來？」轉來，成了最殷切的叮嚀。
 
擠在座椅縫隙中，雙腳懸空，直到全身麻木，為的是趕上中秋夜，看阿嬤一面殺柚子，一面唸著：「月娘光光，目睛金金。」

風雪中的紐約州，華航在「世界日報」刊登巨幅廣告：「別人吃火雞，我們回家吃湯圓。」艷紅圓仔閃著溫潤光澤，我彷彿回到昏黃燈光下，有時比賽誰搓得最圓，有時刻意搓得大小不一，再參差排列，湯頭清時，大家都不愛吃，總是得再三回鍋，煮至黏稠帶點焦香，才是人間美味。
 

我癡望藍天：搭上飛機，就可以回家。出嫁十幾年，僅有一次回家過年，車抵家門，爸早就站在陽台上張望，轉身對屋內大聲呼喊：「韻芳回來囉！」洋溢而出的喜悅，暖著我的心頭。只是，對女人而言，家永遠是兩處模糊地帶，回家，永遠是難有著落的夢想。
  夜半驚醒，湧上的常是來不及奔喪的恐懼。阿嬤高齡九十三，臨終前，她已退化至認不得我；媽媽因糖尿病失明，每天打胰島素，吞二十幾顆藥，我害怕夜裡的電話， 我深知：至親，隨時可能離去。每週打一通電話，三天寫一封信，儘揀神奇事物談笑；接獲爸的來信，卻忍不住淚如泉湧，終至放聲痛哭。
  阿嬤過世，是在我回國以後，中午接獲電話，爸爸的口氣十分平靜：「阿嬤走了，我餵她喝過牛奶，扶她躺下，再回頭，她已經走了。」車子奔馳在高速公路，我的心不慌不亂，反倒有些暖意。想像中拖著女兒、萬里奔喪的畫面不曾出現，我恍然明白：台北離家不遠。離家不遠，就是幸福。

  爸爸的離去，卻是讓我措手不及。新居由一片菜圃轉成樓房錯落，不過一年半。姊姊長住，我維持每個月回去一趟。回家的日子，多半是做幾樣自認神奇的菜，堆到爸媽碗裡；買幾件體面的衣服，讓他們掛在衣櫥。
  爸爸問我：「你猜猜看，我晚年的願望是什麼？」我屢猜不中，答案是：「讓自己圍棋段數更高。」我疏忽了，每天都有老友來陪爸爸下棋：我的小學老師、崙背老醫生、民眾服務站主任、還有十來歲的孩童，在這塊土地自在過活，就是爸爸最大的快樂。
 
難怪我們想陪他出國觀光，爸一笑：「我在電視上都看過，不必長途跋涉。」多邀幾次，他乾脆表明：「離開家，我就睡不著。」爸爸出門的興致越來越低，甚至連請 他到嘉義吃早餐，他都說：「改天吧！出一趟門，就覺得累。」我聽不出警訊，仍傻傻妄想：有一天，他會答應我一起到夏威夷曬太陽、喝咖啡。
 
直到爸爸騎腳踏車出門，頭暈得幾乎軟倒在門口，我們才發現：他的胃悶、腹痛不是慢性胃炎或潰瘍，癌細胞早已在他的大腸肆虐多年。姊姊輪白天，哥嫂輪夜晚，爸爸住進省立醫院四天，哥才通知我：「爸爸要開刀，惡性的成分很高，爸說：『台北遠』，你等週六再回來。」
 
台北遠嗎？考上大學時，爸爸託他的棋友開小貨車，花一天親自陪我註冊；出國時，他送到機場，我入登機門後，他指著飛機告訴姊：「我們來看看，能再看到韻芳嗎？」
  結婚當天，他清晨五點出門，陪我北上，喜宴後，又趕在深夜返家。台北一點兒也不遠。是塵俗瑣事讓遊子的心靈逐漸走遠，忘記去傾聽「不要牽掛我」背後的聲音。

「不要牽掛我，我很快會健康回來。」住院第一晚，爸爸提著點滴瓶，電話裡向媽許下承諾，決定轉診到林口長庚，爸堅持要再回家住一夜。
 
晚餐，全家圍坐，每個月都有團圓相聚，今夜，格外珍惜。爸爸第一件事是為媽挾菜。「我好幾天沒有為妳做事了。」媽媽失明二十年，爸爸每天帶她散步、為她添飯、布菜、倒洗澡水，爸爸捨不得離家，最大原因就是媽媽的眼睛。
>
 
離 家前，爸爸戀戀環視自己一花一草耕耘的庭園，道出心願：「四個月後，我會完全康復，就可以再整理這片花園。」車上，爸爸說：「我這一生沒有遺憾，也沒有罣 礙。如果問我：一生最大的成就是什麼？我要說：是和妳媽媽一起建立這個家。」我緊握爸爸的手，心想：這座堡壘該換我們來撐持。
 
手術順利，爸爸在一星期後出院。一個半月後，發現癌細胞蔓延至肝，爸爸重回長庚，這次離家，足足三十五天。三組人馬輪流照護，日間，陪爸爸看窗前鳥雀啁啾：夜裡，陪爸爸看窗外燈火點點，從小至大，這是首次須臾不離。共同話題不多，仔細想來，爸一向不是多話的人。
 
他不曾天寒叫我們添衣、肚餓叫我們加食，也不曾對我們嘮叨他的期望。只是，在我為大學聯考失利而放聲痛哭時，他會拍拍我：傻孩子！妳一生的幸福，又不是只決定在這次考試。」
 
我回家坐月子時，天天吃麻油雞腰仔，他會瞞著阿嬤，偷偷削一個水梨給我；我返鄉任教的四年，他疼惜我中午騎車往返辛苦，總是用摩托車接送我。
  我為他梳頭，笑著說：「我記得以前為你拔白髮，一根一毛錢。」姊姊接口：「聞一次腳丫，說好香，也有一毛錢。」

爸爸摸摸他稀疏泛黃的髮梢，早年，他烏黑茂密的濃髮人人稱羨，他也試過幾種染髮劑，想留住意氣風發的青春。此刻，他卻神情黯然望著鏡中自己。

「這些已不再重要。」什麼才是重要的？夢囈之中，爸爸回到他獲頒孝行獎的會場，這是他心中認定最大的榮耀嗎？
 
我埋首寫故鄉廟埕的劇本大綱，他眼中閃著光芒：「回家以後，我為妳找更多資料。」我想：爸爸要的很簡單：活著回家。和未知拔河，活著，卻十足艱難，爸爸由每日來回走動，誓言保持出院後的體力；撤退至走兩步就喘息不已：再至廁所後，力拉才能起身。
 
我試著探詢他最後的心願：「爸，你說阿嬤八十歲就備好壽衣，如果萬一，穿律師服好不好？」爸笑一笑：「律師服？很好啊！我為媽祖奉獻十三年，如果媽祖允許我選擇，我不想去西方極樂世界，我覺得那裡比較寂寞，我想回到鄉里，做個小小土地公，還是可以照看妳們。」
 
爸爸眼中霧氣深沈，在選擇回小鎮當律師時，他早已看淡物質名利；在為生命奮力掙扎時，他最不捨得還是家。
 
高燒過後，他正式把心願託付給我。「我不要在醫院走，我要回家。」我許下承諾：「我知道。」
賀伯颱風前夕，爸爸在醫師允諾下，意識清楚返家。風雨之中，他時時望著窗外：這處他用一生守護的家園。四天後，他在自己的床上過世，姿勢就像睡著一樣安詳。陷入昏迷前，他叮嚀我的最後一句話是：「下禮拜再回來。」
今年清明，我和哥姊一起上墳。在新厝整理香燭蔬果，備幾道爸爸生前愛吃的食物。女兒問我：「媽，我們為什麼要在西螺買房子？」我望向堆著雜物的客廳，尋覓當年想法：「我曾經有一個夢，想在退休以後，回來和阿公一起住。」舊夢已遠颺，淚，瞬間湧上。
  我攬一攬女兒：「走吧！我們去看阿公。」墳頭的草郁郁青青，墓碑上的爸爸穿著律師服，淡淡笑著。
  我們憶起：百日後，各自夢見爸爸，他或是壯年，或是老年，都是笑容依舊，此後，爸爸就不曾再入我們夢中。
 
失去父親三年，生命，難免顛簸難行，但是，我們彼此用心扶持，很快走出風雨，重見陽光。墳前，我們輪流撐傘，媽媽交代：要撐起傘，爸爸才能安心享用。我望著 爸盛年英挺的面容，低聲說：爸，吃飯了。」白花花陽光下，不見爸爸身影。不過，我相信：爸爸一定離家不遠，因為，不管身在何處，我們一直都離家不遠。


原繕打該文者言：
在報上看到這篇文章，我看得無法自已。利用深夜，坐在電腦前，一句一句看，一字一字打，縱然不再是初次閱讀，淚水，仍一次一次順著臉頰滑落，是某種情愫牽動 著吧，我想。故事很長，謝謝你很有耐心的看到最後，即使明知很長，我還是只想將故事打完；即使明知故事很長，你還是堅持著把它讀完朋友，此刻，我只想說： 謝謝你！！
  家人是最珍貴的寶物，愛情也許會變淡，友情也許會消失，而家人永遠在你最需要時，在你身後靜靜的守候。
所以請你－－可以的話，對你的家人好一點。





據小站上風雨夜的查證, 這篇是台北衛理女中國文教師廖韵芳老師的作品, 據說是 2001 年票選最佳散文.