It came to my attention. Just how much do I know about myself? I think the way I tramp on myself is only to tell other people when they scold at me, I can tell them, I already know those bad things about myself.
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I consider myself weak. To the point that I can hardly be me, except when I was alone, maybe. I am very prone to imitate. There were once, I was alone with my 90+ grandpa. I fixed lunch for both of us. My grandpa sat across me, and I just watched him eat. My grandpa ate his food with a unique manner at this age. He would close his eyes and chew. Something must have happened, because a few moments later, I found myself doing the exactly same facial expression as him! When I realized it, I was in shock. And I painfully hoped my grandpa did not notice!
My reason for this to happen is that I am prone to be affected by my surroundings. This happened when I need to answer questions right away. Usually, my brain is a blank at that moment. But if it's by writing, I might be able to express my thought more freely and readable as well.
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I've been wanting to write that paragraph for a long time. The incident was very much true. I felt I was completely following grandpa's facial movement very closely, and maybe in my mind, my face somehow looked just like his face...
How should I looked at this? Is it an excuse for myself to say that I am a failure right now, because I imitate other failures? The whole grandpa face imitation is real though. I think I just need to find out why... I felt very low energy at that moment...
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