I quit my job at Charm on Feb. 17. 2020. The reason is that they asked me to start at warehouse on Tuesday and Thursday. So that basically mean, I will be warehouse at N. Andover 3 days, warehouse at Lawrence 2 days. They emailed me about it on Friday(2020/02/14), I'd waited on Monday to reply. I was disheartened. I emailed them back saying, I was busy at 2 locations also mentioned shoulder injury at the end. It was Mike Ashe replied at first but human resource replied my second email CC'd an attorney. I was aroused by the newly attached lawyer. I suddenly felt vulnerable. I was trying to come up with an answer during the weekend. I made a decision if I really had to work warehouse all 5 days, I think I will quit. Upon seeing a lawyer, I was immediately nervous. Because I felt they also want me to quit.
By last October, my shoulder was already screaming. Then I asked for worker's comp. My aunt at Texas said if you did not plan to stay long term, you should ask for worker's comp. So I did. But the company did not say anything else. I did not ask the doctor for anything specific. Doctors just prescribed rest basically. But I felt my body was breaking down slowly. My lower back and my knees started to feel impact. I looked around my colleagues, they either had shoulder surgery, or knee surgery. It seemed so prevalent. I was very scared. I think that also contributes to the whole scenario.
I was a nerve wreck the whole day on Feb. 17. 2020. I don't like to be pushed. I was on the verge of saying quit. But if I did not elaborate on the second email like MikeA asked me to do, I still had a good chance to stay on the job until April, which was the time I really wanted to quit. My sister question me why April, I told her something about health insurance. But actually, I just wish to stay at one place for a year. Anyway, I emailed HR, saying I am able to perform my job in current capacity but not with added warehouse load. But HR kept asking if I could perform my job when I was hired to do. Then MikeA called me up, to ask if I really wanted to quit, and am I going to give a 2 weeks notice. I asked him if I stay for 2 weeks, am I still need to do warehouse at Lawrence. He said yes. I told him, then I will quit now. So I left work at 4. Company had a guy, Brandon by the N. Andover front door, waiting for me already. He followed me all the way to Lawrence office, where I was instructed to return my laptop.
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I was quite miserable on this job. But I guess I was miserable on every job. Though that be the case, at Mascon, I had a lot of human interactions; at USPS, I was lucky to meet Dave and the fellow mail carriers, and working at Middleton really helped, I felt I want more interaction. It was really weird that I tried to avoid human contacts at Charm. The people there were not bad, I like to work with the N. Andover crews, Brad, Kevin, Allan, and Karen. I also like to work with Matt at Lawrence. The other people are alright too. I worked with Grace, the Accountant VP, a bit more in the beginning. But after a while, MikeA got annoyed. So I kept minimum contact with her. The situation with MikeA, my manager, was a remote one. I often found little to no job at Andover location. I eventually conveyed this to him at the end of last year, and he met with the head of Electrnoic Dept and I to see what can be done at Electronic Dept, inventory wise.
All sounds good? But I dragged my feet to work everyday. I also felt tremendous pressure to talk to my colleagues about almost anything. I grew restless at work, I felt lost of direction at times. I think this has a lot to do with the position and my unfamiliarity of how the company functioned in the beginning. For lacking of direction had something to do with MikeA. MikeA wasn't a bad colleague. But because of the incident at Mascon, my expectation of my manager would be someone I worked closely and talked a lot. I understand that I did not make great effort to initiate dialogue as often, I also felt that I was left alone at N. Andover and Andover a lot of times. My position was foretold by MikeA as a difficult position, as I realized later, that it was created under compromise of Manufacture and Inventory, and even Accounting Departments. But sadly, my boss was MikeA. He was a very hard worker, incredibly detailed, inexhaustibly diligent, and his head was deep in his work. Sometimes, I felt I work beneath him, and yet sometimes, he treated me like I should've known what to do already. If I was Matt, I think that thought would be fine, but I was not Matt. Matt have been working there for 10 years. I just started. I would've got nothing to do if Grace did not assign me work in the beginning.
When I first started at Mascon, I took a lot of initiation. I asked everything and anything. Now I have to ask myself, was taking initiation the reason I left Mascon? I was growing restless there at the end. I felt I was taking care so many business, and yet, there must be an sense of unfulfillment. I say this now, I really think that Charm's experience showed me something deep inside. I always felt I could do more. But consider this, I had a lot of pressure talking to my colleagues about work. My job as an inventory assistant was to understand the inventory process in all levels, from the items shipping in, stocking, QC, Manufacture, and sales. Every aspect of the process involve inventory issues. And there were 4 facilities. I feel I had to be diplomatic with manager of each facilities, but I also felt that my job required me to look into other people's business. That made me nervous. When MikeA talked with, he said inventory department owned those inventories. But when he talked to other managers, it became more like "what can I be assistant today?" The different tunes really annoyed me to no end.
What is deep inside of me? When uncle asked once, if you kept doing things without people knowing, can you take it? I thought I could. But maybe not after all. The problem of being restless at the end, really is a desire to fulfill myself with anything. I think there's a desire, or maybe even ambition to become a manager. But after Charm, I realize, I am stressed out talking to people about their business which is what a good manager need to do. And I had a illusion that my job at Mascon or at USPS, or at Charm will fulfill something empty inside. When I found that the tasks at hand was relatively small comparing to what other people were doing. My bubble burst, all the possible fulfillment seemed merely an empty shell! I became restless. When I became restless, and I am scared to think and act on what could my fulfillment, even just to step out and trying the possibilities, the whole frustration and disappointment sipped into every faucet of my being.
A realization is a good thing. Sleep on it?
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