EDC?

I've been watching EDC video on youtube for quite sometimes now which  includes backpacks.  Just recently, after I got a t2 bag for a deal, I started to really think about my own EDC. 

What I really need to bring everyday is only keys, wallets, and cells.  I only started to use cell phone since 2016, before that, I only have keys and wallets.  I start to laugh at myself.  I only need to pockets, not bags.  I start to look at those videos with questions, especially with somebody who claimed to bring his EDC bag everywhere.  And some of them showed so many items in the bag.  I wonder why. 

I started to work last year, and I started to carry a brief case, which contained  a laptop and water bottles.  I filled my pocket with a box cutter and pen for work.  I put keys and wallets in jacket's pocket.  Oh, and a bento box.  I did see some people bring their backpack.  I think that's sensible.  But I doubt those people would bring their work bag everywhere. 

I once asked a bag company, can I put a basketball and a yoga mat in their 21L bag.  I got no response.  I guess I cannot.  I mean, if I am paying a bag for $200 dollars, I want to be able to bring to work and then go to the gym.  By that scenario, what do I need to bring? 

• laptop
• bento
• exchange clothes
• dry bags
• towel
• basketball
• yoga mat
• water bottle
• exchange shoes

That's not including cables, pens, wallets, box cutters...etc, small items.  I highly doubt I could put those in a 30L bag.  Of course,  I am stretching it, because, it's unrealistic to put a yoga mat in a backpack, at best, there's place to latch it on.  Dry bags can be reduced to only a plastic bag.  Basketball usually is hand carried.  But for me, personally, EDC is a stupid thing to watch.  I really don't bring that much, even at work...  

But when I started to obsessed over something, I can hardly get off it.  I've been watching that evergoods video almost every night.  I wonder what's really attractive to me?  Their selling point made me laugh, "it's so simple, you just throw everything in there, and you go."  My gosh...  What else can't they make into a selling point?  I guess all the rave about great clothes, zipper, and design really sounds awesome??  

Why can't I just let it go...?  LOL  

Some rhymes I wrote in the past couple years

I have written rhymes for some post at facebook and instagram throughout the years.

I cam collecting them here.  Many of them were presented with pictures, but I am only collecting the writings.

2020/3/24:

Snowed last night, now it's melting.
Through the green filter,
Comes in the sun lit morning

The droplets bounced on the wall
Like a rain,
The sound and sun and shadow
Of my cat
He's enjoying the sun
I, the rain.

--------------------------------

2020/2/26:

What is an image to you
A reflection?
Or just an image?

I'm only a passer by
I felt scared
Fear an image made
In sleeping baby?

It's an image caught in a second
Of a person's life
But a second stopped
Is a second lost
Thus a still born
Was what I fear

Death then does it remind

(Wrote a poem about sculpture at MFA Boston)

--------------------------------

2020/2/17:

Found a window
It's quiet
Because cat is napping

(Mom was reading at my table upstairs)


---------------------------------

2019/12/26:

Friends forever? Of course!
Never leave me? Of course!
Anything of me? 

Peace and quiet in the car?

.... No!

(writing for a trip to NH on Christmas, w/ my cousin, ML, and ML's sis, along with Xiao Hu, my cousin's dog.  The dog was very anxious in the car always)

---------------------------------

2019/12/22:

T's a realize with gratitude
Basically a ball of fur
Standing with paws raised
And wide wide wondered

I pray to thee
For them never to find
Since cows feed and milk
Dogs guide and smells

I hope cuddly and cute is
All I need to do.
In this coming year

(post a drawing of a cat made in Taiwan, 2019/10)

-------------------------------------

2020/12/17:

Snowy path, cover the red snow
Bare minimum tree, it's canopy
So transparent, in a lucid storm

Let me yap a little
From this little stone

--------------------------------

2019/11/15:


Night sky,
I was wondering,
Why winter style was so dark.
We dress ourselves in dark hat
Dark coat and dark pants
What shines is the gleaming grease
You put on your boots

I,
Was chasing a big moon
Night sky

---------------------------------------

2019/9/23:

Flowers of early Fall

It's colder in the morning and night.
I found bees using flowers as beds.
Why don't they go home
Is it the starry sky
Or they love bathing in the sun,
Until it's too late, too cold
To go home.

-----------------------------------

2019/7/17:


Sleeping under a tree, woke up
Still not a Buddha.
That's a weary dream we just had
But why, if we woke, and nothing
Has changed.

Oh, didadidadida.
Time goes around without noticing me
Why can't I do the same to him

Butterfly is going to come,
I just hope this year's flower bed
Is ready. Thanks to this year's rain,
I can live in a lazy man's dream.

---------------------------------

2019/6/28:

Thank you, postal service. For a year,
What an experience!
And serving a community
as pretty as this!

I went through a storm,
Saw a river, its beauty I cannot decipher,
I love the sunny days, people amazed
To see me deliver.
Sometimes scared of dogs of three
Circling around me.
And at times, overwhelmed, when clerks kept piling on me.

But my master always cheerful,
My co-workers helped me to sort,
Answer my questions, and tolerated me.

Thank you so much,
I put these in my treasure vault,
For one day, I can open it
And be proud to be one of you for a while!

(made a card for Middleton Post Office, where I worked for a year as a carrier)

------------------------------------------

2019/6/27:

Walking near the midnight
People are gone,
Cars? Gone too.

How can a tree be visible in this dark
It has to be darker than the sky

I walked to downtown
The only place with lamp at night
In this town

And there, I saw a practical effect.
A symphony, a synergy
Between light,
Concrete,
And trees,
reflect and refract
Making the shadow of the night.

---------------------------------

2019/4/21:

Add a little color to the picture!
Plant a sweet dream for every swing.

--------------------------------------------

2019/4/21:

I drove over this little guy today. He was so small, looked like a piece of fallen leaf...

Stopped the car 20 feet and realized it's a young snapping turtle.

Walked back and picked him up, was afraid he's going to bite me, but I guess he was scared too.

Put him by the lake, where he's probably heading originally.

Little guy opened his mouth at me, smiling, are you?

----------------------------------------

2019/4/17:

I jump with my tail.
Don't be surprised,
You worldly people.
Just because you've never seen it
Doesn't mean it's abnormal,
Just a creative mind explode.

(picture showed Ashby lying on the ground belly up)

------------------------------------

2019/4/1

Same locale, different weather.

I think a philosopher would lament
Life is a circle
I think an artist would try to express their feelings using any means
I think a forensic scientist would try to find the location
But a business man, he will learn from this and find a marketing team to sell their product in the spring... :P.

----------------------------------

2019/3/25:

A Royal pose, the only thing needs now is, you guessed, a Rolex.

(Ashyby posted for a pose by the window)

----------------------------------------

2019/3/4:

I see sth special.
A face with teeth
And dreary eyes.
Usually with fins.
On the top of the food chain.
How weird.
It is here
In the snow.

(after snow, snow covered car looks like a shark in certain angle)

-----------------------------------------

2019/2/6:

Just came back from from visiting mom, sis, uncle, aunt, cousins, friends, neighbors, they were asking about you...

I said, sorry, he lost his tie...
It would not be polite...

They suggested you used mine.

(Ashby looks like wearing a tie and suit)

----------------------------------------

2018/10/27:

It was raining and windy, but pretty.
.
.
.

But, when I got back, there's only me left. rain was horizontal, and wind was parallel. .
.
.
.

Regret, on so many level...

(delivering mail in a storm, came across a small river, been driven around it, never gave it much throught, but it caught my eyes in the storm!)

---------------------------------------------------------

2018/10/7:

Looked at those empty chairs,
Reminded me and you,
Went out to take photos
Of red and gold.
While I'm your model,
And all the trees,
All the rivers,
And the hills,
Are just backgrounds.

It's been a while,
Another Autumn.
Not an empty setup though.
Look, I can see your smile.

-------------------------------------

2018/9/25:

It's a window,
Kind magical
Some people
Can lead you
To a place
Wonderful!

(took a picture Grandpa left behind)

-----------------------------------

2018/9/17:

Enroute to work, it was foggy. Combined with sun, green pasture, and long shadow, quite pretty.

(morning sunday, foggy, caught a couple a pictures)

----------------------------------

2018/8/21:

Norhing is created by me, friend's amazing wedding, grand location, good cell phone!

Thank you for sharing!

(took a picture at Tom's wedding)

------------------------------------

2018/8/5:

Today is sunny,
i was doing package delivery,
Along the way,
There are something
amazes me,
A red sun smiled hotly,
And a lima 'laxed in
On a lot of green.
There, there, thats my story.

---------------------------------

2018/6/17:

We went to the mountain
Ignorant as we were
Frail as usual
How can we know
The height from low

Onward we go
Steady the foot
Through the valley and river
Ascent to the top
Mountain revealed
What eagle saw

Last step was a trial
Mixed with physical
and sore muscle
All the boulders and rocks
And the tree roots and sliding mud
And bad knees and bad ankles

Empty lot awaited us
The orange sun painted
On the mountain side
As lonely driver pulled away
His car was full
Of the people in a dreaming state
'tis the day with no regret

--------------------------------------

2016/11/11:

Midnite monster, dream shredder, awwwwww....

Movie that says so little

I saw a movie called, Arctic.

A very simple movie about a man stranded somewhere near Arctic Circle.  When a helicopter came to rescue him, the helicopter fell through the sky, leaving the pilot dead, and a woman rescuer disabled.  This man decided to take a long hike to bring the woman to safety, or else the woman would surely die.

There are only 2 characters, but only one mumbled occasionally.  Yet, the movie was so gripping, that I could not avert my eyes from it.  The only color was white through and through, but  landscape was so incredibly grand.  I wonder what's catching my attention?

The man was so calm, before the rescuers came.  There was only the element and a hint of a polar bear on the brink.  After the accident, the man showed a lot of compassion for the disabled woman.  He apparently was very capable in terms of survival.  But when the other human being showed up, although he did not show much emotions outwardly, his decision and actions spoke louder than anything.  He decided to hike towards a permanent camp while carried the woman along.  He had to trek in the snow, through storms, and attack of bear.  He had to change his course, taking a longer route, and endure injury and losing faith at times.

The movie was presented in such a subdued tone.  I felt such a realistic presentation of a man making a decision and followed through.  But the image really burnt in my head hard.

I myself was ashamed, because I know in so many turns of events, I kept thinking the man would have to give up and start to eat the woman.   I was so happy, I was wrong.  I guess I read so many stories about people eating people under the same situation.

I wonder why it's gripping.  With such simple sound, monotone graphic.  Deep down, I feel it's unbelievable.  But how much I wish it is true.  A man with great strength presented in the most ordinary fashion, under most strenuous situation; made a decision, followed through it.

It was one of the most elegant movie I've seen.

Just some thoughts

I started this blog half hour ago.  But I only wrote the title down.  Then, for half an hour, I went and surfed the net and watching Youtubes.  At first I thought I would write about 30 minutes until 2.  Nothing was done.  I got distracted.  

I got distracted.  A perfect sentence.  I got distracted.  A man without goal and thoughts in his life.  A complete useless man.  

-------------------------------------------------------

I was watching my cousin's free Shaolin exercise video, which they made to specifically for the current condition of the world.  Their passion for their art is very impressive.  My cousin and his girl friend works side by side, that's very impressive too.  I gotta try their work out sometimes.  

-------------------------------------------------------

I was going to drive a friend to Penn.  But I got cold symptoms for a few days, finally I decide I should tell that friend.  This pandemic thing is annoying...  I don't think I contracted it, but I do have phlegm in my throat...  This is really a big let down...  I was looking forward to go for this road trip.  That friend acted quickly, because her daughter is going to deliver very soon.  She immediately changed the flight she was going to give up and she's on the way to air port as we speak.  I can see her being stressed out.   Grrrrr....  I did not even work... How did I get a cold??  

--------------------------------------------------------

I want to write it and forget it.  But is it possible?  The blissful forgetfulness.  

--------------------------------------------------------

Mom asked me was she really a terrible mom?  Because my sister came in as usual yesterday to have their bible study.  The, my sister mentioned an incident where my mom insisted my sister to have a  proper breakfast, but my sister did not have stomach for it.  Then my mom got heated and according to my sister's account, my mom threw the hot chocolate drink on my sister's face and clothes.  

Mom did not remember any of it.  My sister is so sure of it.  I don't really remember it.  

My mom's saying my sister did not remember herself being very difficult.  

I think I am the sole benefactor of their conflict...  And yet this is what I turned out to be.  And here,  I starting to think of myself again, disgusted at myself.    

--------------------------------------------------------

I've been watching youtube videos about bags for quite sometimes now.  It started with EDC, everyday day carry.  It's kind hilarious.  First they started with keys, wallets, phones, then slowly, the list was getting longer with pocket knifes, watches, flashlights, self defense tools, multi-tools...etc.  Then there's the bag.  

I bought a bag from timbuk2 for my sister last year, trying to replace the bag she used for more than 5 years now which was from timBk2 too.  It's too small for her, turns out.  So I started using it.  It's too small for me as well, I cannot even fit my water bottle, although for fairness, that's a big water bottle.  32 oz, 0.95 Lt in size.  

Material on the outside is solid, so was most of the interior linings.  But the quick pockets are not, they feel cheap in material(too thin), and the design is way too small, barely functional.  The bag is extra small, what can I do?  I thought the length of the bag was 11", I was mistaken, it's only 8"...  

The one I used before was eastsport messenger bag.  It has great capacity, light weight, and durable, I still have it.  But it so soft, cannot stand up, and organization was minimal.  The problem lies in the great capacity and minimal organization, I have to search for my pen in a great throw pocket.  After I used TimBk2, found TimBk2 to be too heavy. the organization was tempted but not successful.  But it can stand up, the buckle to tighten the stripe is a fantastic thing!  

But looking at my EDC, it's only key, wallet, cell phone, and a sketchbook.  To carry a bag everywhere is stupid...  LOL  

There's a particular bag I really like, it's from evergoods, but by reviewing my EDC.  It's extremely stupid to even think about it!?  

-----------------------------------------------------------

PA Memorial Bell Tower

West Side:  MONVMENTVM ET PIGNVS AMORIS (A Monument and Pledge of Love)
North Side:  POST EOS LVCET VIA (The Way Shines after Them)
South Side:  LOCO SANCTO STABUNT (They Rest in a Sacred Place)

Quote from Embers

“... deep inside you was a frantic longing to be something or someone other than you are. It is the greatest scourge a man can suffer, and the most painful. Life becomes bearable only when one has come to terms with who one is, both in one's own eyes and in the eyes of the world. We all of us must come to terms with what and who we are, and recognize that this wisdom is not going to earn us any praise, that life is not going to pin a medal on us for recognizing and enduring our own vanity or egoism or baldness or our pot-belly. No, the secret is that there's no reward and we have to endure our characters and our natures as best we can, because no amount of experience or insight is going to rectify our deficiencies, our self-regard, or our cupidity. We have to learn that our desires do not find any real echo in the world. We have to accept that the people we love do not love us, or not in the way we hope. We have to accept betrayal and disloyalty, and hardest of all, that someone is finer than we are in character or intelligence.”

― Sándor Márai, Embers


This quote stays with me since I finished the book.  Some quotes is like a spark in the dark.  I don't  remember too much about everything else, but those sparks.  Sometimes I wonder if these quotes echoed in my mind, do those quotes described me or I might also had similar thoughts flashed through my mind before.  



“We have done everything within the scope of modern medicine.' Those are just words. They apparently did everything within their erratic knowledge and the limits of their vanity. ”
― Sándor Márai, Embers


“Whoever refuses to accept a part wants the whole, wants everything.”
― Sándor Márai, Embers


“Then I understood that a survivor has no right to bring a complaint. Whoever survives has won his case, he has no right and no cause to bring charges; he has emerged the stronger, the more cunning, the more obstinate, from the struggle.”
― Sándor Márai, Embers

到底怎麼了?

一個月前, 我又辭職了.  我這次辭職和前兩次的感覺很不一樣.  Mascon 的時候, 我很憤怒, 但是也很惶恐.  憤怒就不贅述, 惶恐是因為覺得自己絕對不會又那樣的暴怒, 但是竟然真的爆發出來.  我對自己的控制力產生很大的懷疑.  在郵局上班的時候, 很容易和同工保持距離.  所以比較不擔心.  但是, 一旦到了 charm 公司裡, 和很多同事都是常常在一起, 又要監督別人, 有時候我要得提出一些令人難堪的問題, 這令我很緊張.

自從在 Charm 上班後, 我都有意地和同事保持距離.  我這個人不是很願意和別人做檢討, 甚至 Grace 都當面很我說, You are not very confrontational.  我不僅僅不是, 而且還刻意避免.  我很清楚我自己, 我也很清楚每個人都看的到我這一點.  可是這樣不能提出客觀的批評, 在工作上是一個很大的缺失.  我覺得我可以做這個工作.  可是, 如果我不能提出可觀的批評, 或著是要提出批評的時候, 會非常惶恐.　這個工作到最後就淪為用力的工作.

我工作半年後, 肩膀開始受傷.  甚至拿了 worker's comp.  醫生只是說要休息.  我也覺得既然還能動, 也還繼續.  結果在一個多月前, Charm 總部的倉庫走了一個人, 有另一人在三月有軍假, 四月有一般假期.  他們叫我去做.   我覺得我肩膀有問題, 如果這樣做兩三個月, 恐怕不行.  但是, 他們一定要我去做.  我決定辭職,  我的直屬上司, michael A 問我是否給兩星期的通知, 我問他這兩星期是否還是要去 Lawrence 倉庫, 他說是.  我說那就今天辭職走人.

我常常想, 如果我像在 Mascon 一樣, 和每個人都很好, 啥事都願意做.  我很清楚我一定可以在 Charm 待很久.  另外, 如果我可以表現得更像一個經理, 能處理更多的事, 能提出更多批評和建議.  我或許就不會被叫去做倉庫替補.  這都是我的想像.  Charm 方面的想法我也只能猜.  可是我卻不能不想.

實際上, 我妹一再叫我 quit.  因為我一直抱怨這裡痛那裏痛.  我覺得我辭職的時機拿捏得很不恰當.  應該要早兩個月.  我本來是像在四月之後辭職, 但是, 我現在覺得根本就應該在十一月辭掉了.  因為我的確是這到處受傷.  除了我的肩膀外, 我兩膝蓋的內側也在痛.  我的腰也有時會發作.  但是, 現在辭職就是在公司最需要人的時候, 我也是在公司的要求下, 徹底承認自己的身體有超過負荷的可能, 只好走人.  這在我自己來說, 身體傷害已經造成, 公司也因為我晚兩個月辭職而對人事上有錯誤的預估.  另外, 當我剛進公司的時候, 總部倉庫的負責人說過如果總部缺人, 我也可以去頂兩下.  我當時沒做出反應.  現在想想, 當時應該要仔細考慮這個可能性.  實際上, 我已去過總部幫過一些事情.

我仍然認為我的溝通是很大的問題!   這不光是語言.  因為在 Mascon 可以說中文.  那這是表達的問題.