I saw CJ's picture. she went back to TW. The first picture I saw, it saddened me. I know, I know, she looked happy, dressing in a night gawn, incredible beautiful, with her boyfriend, in a back drop of grand hotel. She's beautiful, with a her killer smile. I am not sure if it's jealous, or sadness. I kept reminding myself to be happy for her. I try very hard.
I saw her second picture, she's having a meal with her parents in a restaurant. She looked relaxed and happy. She's beautiful. It's always funny that she's always looked like a little girl when her parents are around. I like that. She loves her family very much. I like that very much. I wish I would be like that with my mom. But at the same time, won't worry her too much.
CJ is a woman, mature with her own intention and thoughts. I want to be happy for her. I am happy for her.
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
The projects lost
有多少夢想, 等著實現. 卻都只有開始, 和無聲無息的消逝.
那夢想激起了爆裂性的狂熱. 剎那間, 美好的結果似乎產出.
我眼睛, 嚮往著完美. 我的精神似乎已達到彼岸.
但是, 愚拙的肉體, 比蝸牛還慢.
緩慢的時間, 還有太陽的考驗, 耐力智力, 無聊的環境.
頭腦已到了彼岸, 但是, 剩下的軀體, 還在東西遊蕩.
放棄放棄, 頭腦拋棄了軀殼. 耳邊的風聲, 不絕.
風聲越來越大, 於是小船的沉溺, 不可避免.
於是, 剩下來的只有低迴沉吟,
後悔, 也只有如此. 而已, 而已.
-------------------------------------
有一次坐在舅舅車上, 好像是到他的房子去幫點忙. 在回家的路上, 我也忘記怎麼談到的. 他問我有無 trapped 的感覺. 我很了解他說啥, 也因此, 我覺得可能有. 可是我回答說, 沒有. 他自己卻說, 他感覺他自己有一點這種感覺. 然後又說了類似, 他好像有很多想做的事情, 都沒有做. 言下之意, 很有追悔的意思. 很奇怪的, 我覺得他說啥, 我都好像可以了解... 那是好幾年前了.
我真的常常是如此. 有很多想做的事, 起了一些頭. 沒有一個是完成的. 我現在在倉庫裏工作, 我覺得我是如此的認真工作. 一早到, 就開始寫下今天可能要做的事. 開始工作後, 也不斷增加或改寫這個清單. 我覺得我一定要像水一樣, 補我同事的不足之處. 所以從早到結束很少有坐下來的時候. 而且往往是小不拉嘰的事情. 之前的 Michelle 就笑我做的事, 不過是 chores... 我一聽很有道理.
自從聽到這話, 我覺得有點難過. 但是, 我依然如此行. 到現在, 我也不斷問我自己, 為啥? 為誰呢? 自家的生活起居, 我還遠遠沒有這個在意. 自己的夢想, 也似乎永遠不可能像這樣勤快, 耐心, 持久的做下去!? 這真是可悲的人生. 這也是一種不慎獨的情況吧? 生活起居, 要和媽媽合作, 如果這對我有困難. 那難道朝著夢想前行, 也無能為力嗎?
夢想的開始, 總是一股子熱情! 但是, 熱情啊, 來去如風. 好像情緒. 又好像美國下完雨的路面, 一下就乾了. 要堅持, 還需要設定固定時間, 和無論是理性還是非理性的堅持力!
不能放棄!
那夢想激起了爆裂性的狂熱. 剎那間, 美好的結果似乎產出.
我眼睛, 嚮往著完美. 我的精神似乎已達到彼岸.
但是, 愚拙的肉體, 比蝸牛還慢.
緩慢的時間, 還有太陽的考驗, 耐力智力, 無聊的環境.
頭腦已到了彼岸, 但是, 剩下的軀體, 還在東西遊蕩.
放棄放棄, 頭腦拋棄了軀殼. 耳邊的風聲, 不絕.
風聲越來越大, 於是小船的沉溺, 不可避免.
於是, 剩下來的只有低迴沉吟,
後悔, 也只有如此. 而已, 而已.
-------------------------------------
有一次坐在舅舅車上, 好像是到他的房子去幫點忙. 在回家的路上, 我也忘記怎麼談到的. 他問我有無 trapped 的感覺. 我很了解他說啥, 也因此, 我覺得可能有. 可是我回答說, 沒有. 他自己卻說, 他感覺他自己有一點這種感覺. 然後又說了類似, 他好像有很多想做的事情, 都沒有做. 言下之意, 很有追悔的意思. 很奇怪的, 我覺得他說啥, 我都好像可以了解... 那是好幾年前了.
我真的常常是如此. 有很多想做的事, 起了一些頭. 沒有一個是完成的. 我現在在倉庫裏工作, 我覺得我是如此的認真工作. 一早到, 就開始寫下今天可能要做的事. 開始工作後, 也不斷增加或改寫這個清單. 我覺得我一定要像水一樣, 補我同事的不足之處. 所以從早到結束很少有坐下來的時候. 而且往往是小不拉嘰的事情. 之前的 Michelle 就笑我做的事, 不過是 chores... 我一聽很有道理.
自從聽到這話, 我覺得有點難過. 但是, 我依然如此行. 到現在, 我也不斷問我自己, 為啥? 為誰呢? 自家的生活起居, 我還遠遠沒有這個在意. 自己的夢想, 也似乎永遠不可能像這樣勤快, 耐心, 持久的做下去!? 這真是可悲的人生. 這也是一種不慎獨的情況吧? 生活起居, 要和媽媽合作, 如果這對我有困難. 那難道朝著夢想前行, 也無能為力嗎?
夢想的開始, 總是一股子熱情! 但是, 熱情啊, 來去如風. 好像情緒. 又好像美國下完雨的路面, 一下就乾了. 要堅持, 還需要設定固定時間, 和無論是理性還是非理性的堅持力!
不能放棄!
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Monadnock mount.
I went to Monadnock mountain with my sister, PQ, two of their brothers, and two of my colleagues. My sister haven't slept well for the past week or so, but she insisted on going with us.
We were a bit late when we get there. All our companies were there already. My colleagues were Harry, the latest engineer in the company, and Chi-Yang Chang(CY, aka, Eon), CJ's brother. My sister and her husband's brothers were Gerry and Chong, both artists.
These were two distinctive groups, one was young, includes Harry and CY. The other were a bit seasoned. From the very start, H and CY already separated from the group, they went ahead. On the quarter way up, my sister had cramp, quite severely, I'd say. She still insisted on going up. A little bit way up, I suddenly had a feeling that my sister and PQ wanted to come, of course. But not as badly as I wanted for these past 2 months. I made arrangement with CJ once, but I eventually did not tell her. This can't happen with just her and I... I made the trip half way through one day alone, but my car broke down. I really want to come by myself for once. I decided to go up fast and come down fast as well, so that my sister would probably give up on getting to the top.
I chased after H and CY, without telling the 4 people below. I went as fast as I could. And I eventually found them on a big rock, snacking. They were young, H was even playing Pokemon Go along the way. CY seemed a bit tired, but still very much capable. His right knee bothered him quite a little. But his spirit remain high and strong, very much like his sister's temperament. Very good. These two youngsters never experience these sort of hiking. CY was texting me asking could he cook noodle on the top of the mountain... Hehehe. He made a rice roll himself in the end. Both ideas were probably from the manga series, (山與食欲與我)... Hehehe. H was smart, he froze some yogurt overnight, and bag them with some fruits! Clever fellow.
We brave ourselves to the top, the sun was pouring down on us, albeit a little bit windy. There were gnats, swarming the top! We quickly get off the top and find a nice place with a little pool and nice grassy land by the big rocks. Had our lunch, then I got a message, My sister and her group were about half way up, but decided to head down. So we quickly demolished our lunch and did a quick rest, and head down as well. CY's knee was not so good on the way down. But he was running, jumping, moving quickly. H moved steadily, often at his own pace, carefully. CY eventually used my stick a little bit. His knee could hardly bent. But what a guy, no complaint, and kept on going with brisk pace.
I guess I learned more about people in this trip than the past 30 days when I worked with these two. For example, we walked past a mother with a young kid, who was having a nose bleed. I noticed his discomfort and asked about it. Harry immediately gave some suggestion about tilting the head back a little, to help the clogging process. He talked in detail, like he had experience before. That's something new. CY was very tired, but still remain playful and high spirited. He often walked as the lead of all three.
When we got down, my sister and PQ were surprised to see us coming down so quickly. Later, we found out that it's Chong who's exhausted. And he and Gerry left early. We chat a little bit, and we even interacted with one group of people they were just preparing to ascending the mountain. They helped us to take a group photo. It was a great feeling to have strangers laughing and helping each other out. Gave me some kind of kindred spirit. But it's also because it was with my sister and PQ. They talked from their heart, they were not afraid to let laughter and chat affect the people around us. People in return, must felt the same way too, happy and open.
We tried to go to PQ's gyro place in nashua, NH. They lost the lease, so they closed down. Then my colleagues and us went to 老四川. After that, I even played a little tennis with PQ in Malden, since he was not that tired.
Side note, My uncle had difficulty walking, my mom now needed to watch my grandpa two nights now... I am not pissed at uncle, but the circumstance is really taxing to my mom. I will try to convince my mom to let me watch grandpa overnight... I am guess grandpa really don't like me... le sigh.
We were a bit late when we get there. All our companies were there already. My colleagues were Harry, the latest engineer in the company, and Chi-Yang Chang(CY, aka, Eon), CJ's brother. My sister and her husband's brothers were Gerry and Chong, both artists.
These were two distinctive groups, one was young, includes Harry and CY. The other were a bit seasoned. From the very start, H and CY already separated from the group, they went ahead. On the quarter way up, my sister had cramp, quite severely, I'd say. She still insisted on going up. A little bit way up, I suddenly had a feeling that my sister and PQ wanted to come, of course. But not as badly as I wanted for these past 2 months. I made arrangement with CJ once, but I eventually did not tell her. This can't happen with just her and I... I made the trip half way through one day alone, but my car broke down. I really want to come by myself for once. I decided to go up fast and come down fast as well, so that my sister would probably give up on getting to the top.
I chased after H and CY, without telling the 4 people below. I went as fast as I could. And I eventually found them on a big rock, snacking. They were young, H was even playing Pokemon Go along the way. CY seemed a bit tired, but still very much capable. His right knee bothered him quite a little. But his spirit remain high and strong, very much like his sister's temperament. Very good. These two youngsters never experience these sort of hiking. CY was texting me asking could he cook noodle on the top of the mountain... Hehehe. He made a rice roll himself in the end. Both ideas were probably from the manga series, (山與食欲與我)... Hehehe. H was smart, he froze some yogurt overnight, and bag them with some fruits! Clever fellow.
We brave ourselves to the top, the sun was pouring down on us, albeit a little bit windy. There were gnats, swarming the top! We quickly get off the top and find a nice place with a little pool and nice grassy land by the big rocks. Had our lunch, then I got a message, My sister and her group were about half way up, but decided to head down. So we quickly demolished our lunch and did a quick rest, and head down as well. CY's knee was not so good on the way down. But he was running, jumping, moving quickly. H moved steadily, often at his own pace, carefully. CY eventually used my stick a little bit. His knee could hardly bent. But what a guy, no complaint, and kept on going with brisk pace.
I guess I learned more about people in this trip than the past 30 days when I worked with these two. For example, we walked past a mother with a young kid, who was having a nose bleed. I noticed his discomfort and asked about it. Harry immediately gave some suggestion about tilting the head back a little, to help the clogging process. He talked in detail, like he had experience before. That's something new. CY was very tired, but still remain playful and high spirited. He often walked as the lead of all three.
When we got down, my sister and PQ were surprised to see us coming down so quickly. Later, we found out that it's Chong who's exhausted. And he and Gerry left early. We chat a little bit, and we even interacted with one group of people they were just preparing to ascending the mountain. They helped us to take a group photo. It was a great feeling to have strangers laughing and helping each other out. Gave me some kind of kindred spirit. But it's also because it was with my sister and PQ. They talked from their heart, they were not afraid to let laughter and chat affect the people around us. People in return, must felt the same way too, happy and open.
We tried to go to PQ's gyro place in nashua, NH. They lost the lease, so they closed down. Then my colleagues and us went to 老四川. After that, I even played a little tennis with PQ in Malden, since he was not that tired.
Side note, My uncle had difficulty walking, my mom now needed to watch my grandpa two nights now... I am not pissed at uncle, but the circumstance is really taxing to my mom. I will try to convince my mom to let me watch grandpa overnight... I am guess grandpa really don't like me... le sigh.
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
loose package
We got a package back from customer. The label on the box showed it was refused by Alex, maybe he's customer's engineer. Vic saw the package and immediately said to me, the package needed to be packed correctly. If it's with trays, you will need to put a cardboard on the top tray, so it won't be all over the place while shipping.
I felt unease and checked the paperwork. It was from July 29 2016. Signed and dated by Vic. Somehow he sounded like I did it... I did not say anything but concede to him about packing boxes securely. Maybe he did not mean to accuse me of wrong shipping. Maybe he just parted his wisdom to me, the little grasshopper. Or maybe he just said it out loud to reminded himself again. Anyway, I felt slight disgust. Because I know I tried to packing everything as tightly as possible. I don't want to take the blame for what I did not do.
Two things here. One is that I did not react to his lecture. Why? Because I was afraid of him? No, but I really did not know how to put a words in here since I found out it's him who shipped the package. Second is I did not want to take the blame. Really did not want to!
Vic and I needed to count the pieces, we put every thing back from box to trays. Then Vic put them in the box and I put them to the corresponded area. Later, CJ came and showed me the trays. Wow, that was an eye opener. Vic taped and put a cover on tops of the tray, he made it so pretty! Almost like a Japanese gift! CJ wanted to know if this came in this condition. I said, No. It was with pieces loose in the box. And I told her we did not know the reason why this is returned. She left without saying much. But that was really an eye-opener.
I think Vic knows what happened when he saw the package. Otherwise, he won't spend that much effort on it. He lectured me, is just a way to shift focus from him to me. It's not the first time this happened. It won't be the last. There's something to be learned here though.
---------------------------
Never seen Sofia so excited about a job. She told me she's looking. And today she's talking about a job interview by phone. She's a smart and ambitious women. Great work ethic and everything else. If she really left before I did, I'd greatly miss her!!!
I felt unease and checked the paperwork. It was from July 29 2016. Signed and dated by Vic. Somehow he sounded like I did it... I did not say anything but concede to him about packing boxes securely. Maybe he did not mean to accuse me of wrong shipping. Maybe he just parted his wisdom to me, the little grasshopper. Or maybe he just said it out loud to reminded himself again. Anyway, I felt slight disgust. Because I know I tried to packing everything as tightly as possible. I don't want to take the blame for what I did not do.
Two things here. One is that I did not react to his lecture. Why? Because I was afraid of him? No, but I really did not know how to put a words in here since I found out it's him who shipped the package. Second is I did not want to take the blame. Really did not want to!
Vic and I needed to count the pieces, we put every thing back from box to trays. Then Vic put them in the box and I put them to the corresponded area. Later, CJ came and showed me the trays. Wow, that was an eye opener. Vic taped and put a cover on tops of the tray, he made it so pretty! Almost like a Japanese gift! CJ wanted to know if this came in this condition. I said, No. It was with pieces loose in the box. And I told her we did not know the reason why this is returned. She left without saying much. But that was really an eye-opener.
I think Vic knows what happened when he saw the package. Otherwise, he won't spend that much effort on it. He lectured me, is just a way to shift focus from him to me. It's not the first time this happened. It won't be the last. There's something to be learned here though.
---------------------------
Never seen Sofia so excited about a job. She told me she's looking. And today she's talking about a job interview by phone. She's a smart and ambitious women. Great work ethic and everything else. If she really left before I did, I'd greatly miss her!!!
Sunday, August 14, 2016
兩隻貓
大概有四五個星期了吧, 胡熒阿姨的公寓遭遇水災. 他樓上的鄰居淹水, 這水影響了四三二一樓的居民. 胡熒阿姨是三樓, 首當其衝. 從天花板到地板, 水電通通都斷了. 他自己都住在鄰居家, 他把貓, Ashby 放到我家來.
Ashby 不能上桌, 但是我家的貓可以. 於是 Ashby 就老在桌下叫個不停, 我們都在笑他在抱怨. 但是胡熒阿姨聽了, 有另一種說法. 他說 Roger 小的時候不准碰卡式錄音帶. 有一天, 胡熒阿姨帶著 Roger 到美容院. 胡熒阿姨正在剪頭髮的時候, 卻突然聽到 Roger 大叫, "媽媽打, 媽媽打!" 胡熒阿姨低頭一看, 原來美容院老闆的女兒拿著卡式錄音帶在玩!
胡熒阿姨說, Ashby 一定是對著寶寶在說著同樣的話, "媽媽打, 媽媽打!"
今天 Roger和 Becca來接 Ashby 回胡熒阿姨的公寓. 他的住處總算修好了. 我正在和他們聊一聊兩隻貓相處得如何. 媽媽一聽, 就說: "Ashby 一定是在說 '媽媽打, 媽媽打.'" 我有點怕 Roger 難為情,好像他媽媽把他小時候的事到處說...不過他還好. 笑笑就過了.
Ashby 不能上桌, 但是我家的貓可以. 於是 Ashby 就老在桌下叫個不停, 我們都在笑他在抱怨. 但是胡熒阿姨聽了, 有另一種說法. 他說 Roger 小的時候不准碰卡式錄音帶. 有一天, 胡熒阿姨帶著 Roger 到美容院. 胡熒阿姨正在剪頭髮的時候, 卻突然聽到 Roger 大叫, "媽媽打, 媽媽打!" 胡熒阿姨低頭一看, 原來美容院老闆的女兒拿著卡式錄音帶在玩!
胡熒阿姨說, Ashby 一定是對著寶寶在說著同樣的話, "媽媽打, 媽媽打!"
今天 Roger和 Becca來接 Ashby 回胡熒阿姨的公寓. 他的住處總算修好了. 我正在和他們聊一聊兩隻貓相處得如何. 媽媽一聽, 就說: "Ashby 一定是在說 '媽媽打, 媽媽打.'" 我有點怕 Roger 難為情,好像他媽媽把他小時候的事到處說...不過他還好. 笑笑就過了.
我想要
- 我想要我媽媽和我妹妹都可以過得好.
- 我希望我媽和我妹相處得好
- 我想要學日文
- 我想要學廣東話
- 我想要學德文
- 我想要學俄語
- 我想要做一間我喜歡的廁所
- 我想要我的院子漂亮
- 我想要我的院子充滿魚蟲花鳥
- 我想要我的車庫整齊清潔
- 我想要一部腳踏車
- 我想要一台可以玩遊戲的電腦
- 我想要玩 幕府全軍破敵二
- 我想要可以邊談吉他邊唱歌
- 我希望我可以有娶榕的能力
- 我希望我可以不自慚形穢
- 我希望我可繼續增加籃球的能力
- 我希望我會開手排
- 我希望我加深對車子的認識
- 我想學排球
- 我想學網球
- 我想學畫畫
- 我想整理自己的房間
- 我想要把字寫好
- 我想要把英文講好
- 我希望把中文講好
- 我希望自己在人前不要太奇怪
- 我希望跟我的貓咪每天都玩十分鐘
- 我想要做醫生
- 我想要去尋找我老爸的過去
- 我想跟我老爸說對不起
- 我想要跟牧望說說話
- 我想要離開馬斯康
- 我想要榕在我身邊
- 我希望榕過的開心, 滿足, 找到他的終身伴侶, 一起成長, 一起打拼
- 我希望我自己可以完成我自己
- 我希望知道自己想要甚麼
- 我希望自己不要害怕
- 我希望自己更強壯, 更勇敢
- 我想要學習怎麼投資
- 我想要整理一切可以稱作是自己的東西
- 我要在 ebay 上賣東西
- 我想要繼續塗鴉
- 我想要讀很多書
- 我想要看很多電影
- 我想要玩電腦遊戲
- 我希望我也可以穿出自己的風格
- 我希望學會如可持續的做一些事情, 而不是半途而廢
- 我想要會做木雕
- 我想要游泳
- 我想要會跳舞
- 我想要自己不要容易氣餒
- 我希望自己不需要凡事比較爭勝
- 我想要加深瑜珈的訓練
- 我想要加強自己的體能
- 我想要能夠拿得起放得下
- 我想要能夠清楚知道自己要甚麼
- 我想要加強我的決斷力
- 我想要增強我的集中力
- 我想要榕
- 我想要 fall in love and never get back up
- 我想要面對比我好的人卻不害怕他們
- 我想要勇敢做自己想要做的事
Thursday, August 11, 2016
我妹妹的故事
今天我回家後, 媽媽跟我說了一個小瑋的故事.
我們家以前不會包餛飩. 但是自從小瑋嫁給沛權後, 我們家也學會用冬菜和絞肉來包餛飩. 我們總是用市場買到的絞好的肉. 小瑋他們則不然, 他們一定是買 rib, 好像不是 spare ribs, 是有骨頭的那一種. 然後把肉切出來後, 交給絞肉機絞碎. 骨頭呢, 小瑋很聰明, 他拿來熬高湯. 往往一燒就是一個鐘點.
最近的某一天,他們家正吃著自家包的餛飩. 小瑋心血來潮的問沛權, 我這用排骨高湯熬的湯餛飩和平常只用醬油加開水的比起來怎樣啊? 沛權也不只怎的, 大概有點心不在焉, 說, "都很好啊." 小瑋聽了大不受用!
隔天, 小瑋又下了餛飩. 這次, 他只用白開水加醬油. 但是, 小瑋在吃的時候一句話也沒有說. 吃完了, 兩人有事要出去. 坐在車上好一陣子, 車子都很安靜. 突然, 沛權說, "還是有排骨高湯的好吃..."
我們家以前不會包餛飩. 但是自從小瑋嫁給沛權後, 我們家也學會用冬菜和絞肉來包餛飩. 我們總是用市場買到的絞好的肉. 小瑋他們則不然, 他們一定是買 rib, 好像不是 spare ribs, 是有骨頭的那一種. 然後把肉切出來後, 交給絞肉機絞碎. 骨頭呢, 小瑋很聰明, 他拿來熬高湯. 往往一燒就是一個鐘點.
最近的某一天,他們家正吃著自家包的餛飩. 小瑋心血來潮的問沛權, 我這用排骨高湯熬的湯餛飩和平常只用醬油加開水的比起來怎樣啊? 沛權也不只怎的, 大概有點心不在焉, 說, "都很好啊." 小瑋聽了大不受用!
隔天, 小瑋又下了餛飩. 這次, 他只用白開水加醬油. 但是, 小瑋在吃的時候一句話也沒有說. 吃完了, 兩人有事要出去. 坐在車上好一陣子, 車子都很安靜. 突然, 沛權說, "還是有排骨高湯的好吃..."
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