emotional

emotion is important. it is an energy. but it is also an anti energy sometimes. for example, when people are down, they would lack energy sometimes. however, depressed emotion could sometimes be channeled to something else. one of the way is through music. it could be the only thing a depressed person was able to do. he could only sing and sing and sing until he could not anymore.

i wonder what emotion really is. i have a hard time to describe my emotion most of the time. happy, angry, depress, sad, seemed to be easy enough. but there is something tingling, something boiling inside of my chest. i could not name it? i wonder if naming it is important. i feel like tearing up my chest and let something out. my through was stuffed. a feeling of a sea of words trying to brake the dam. although to my understanding, there is really nothing at all. i have tried to write. i could not jot down anything coherent at all. anything left on papers is just garbage. they had all been repeated again and again. the urgency i felt was terrible. i could only try to contain it. but to what limit? what capacity could i have?

歷史課與意識形態

歷史課在我看似乎不用上了. 課程內容都太過流於意識形態, 意識形態者, 幻象也, 與真實不完全一樣者也. 意識形態一定會有, 也並不是越少越好. 但是, 現在的歷史課都太流於著重在意識形態的灌輸, 則學子在思考當事情況時, 其用來衡量事實的尺, 有誤, 則錯誤百出也. 而歷史, 多數人之情感流露者也. 一旦人對其認識不準確, 危險矣.

一個韓國人和一個日本人都由美國人來養, 不學本國歷史. 則兩人可以成為好友的機會大增. 但是, 如果各在本國學各自的歷史, 則成為好友的機會大減, 甚至於基於歷史的仇視大增. 可惜.

歷史課必須要能使人超出仇恨才好. 歷史必要能使人超越最方便的範圍思考才好.

死刑古語

清人紀氏【閱微草堂筆記】中「如是我聞三」之一事以喻之：

余某者，老於幕府，司刑名四十餘年。

後臥病瀕危，燈月下恍惚似有鬼為厲者，余某慨然曰：「吾存心忠厚，誓不敢妄殺一人，此鬼胡為乎來耶？」

夜夢數人浴血泣曰：「君知刻酷之積怨，不知忠厚亦能積怨也。夫煢煢孱弱，慘被人戕，就死之時，楚毒萬狀。孤魂飲泣，銜恨九泉，惟望強暴就誅，一申積憤。

而君但見生者之可憫，不見死者之可悲，刀筆舞文，曲相開脫，遂使兇殘漏網，白骨沉冤。

君試設身處地，如君無罪無辜，受人屠割，魂魄有知，旁觀讞是獄者，改重傷為輕，改多傷為少，改理曲為理直，改有心為無心，使君切齒之仇，從容脫械，仍縱橫於人世，君感乎怨乎？不是之思，而詡詡以縱惡為陰功，被枉死者，不仇君而仇誰乎？」

余某惶怖而寤，以所夢備告其子，回手自撾曰：「吾所見左矣，吾所見左矣。」就枕未安而歿。

---------------------------

這是金庸茶館一個死刑的論串裡, 一個叫愚夫的網友貼出來的. 我對於死刑的公案筆記小說裡, 似乎還無看到這種為復仇而期待死刑的鬼魂... 那形名者真的左了嗎? 這恐怕還是無當過形名者的人寫的筆記吧? 一般我看到的皆希望找到正確的兇手. 可是這樣一來, 程序上就慢很多很多. 而無法大快人心. 對於執法又有正義感的人來說, 殺了無辜的人是很可怕的. 病態的形名又是另一回事了.

但是, 從這裡也是一樣看到, 古人和今人無啥不同... 雖說這不是對死刑存廢上作異論, 但是, 對於古人和今人而言, 死刑的執行有懲姦除惡的效果是一樣的. 古人對於死刑的存廢問題恐怕是從無想過. 古人對於死刑的執行, 這個法網的大小有不同的看法. 我覺得這似乎是實際的做法. 至於廢除死刑的國家怎麼作, 並不應該影響我們國家的法律執行. 而且我相信北歐的人鐵定也有類似看法的人在. 我覺得應該那些選擇廢除死刑的國家要有更特撤的瞭解才是.

people who acted

people who acted are energy. those who watched and listened are only receptors. take for example, if you are in a group, and people keep talking while you keep your silence. you are merely a black hole, which sucked other people's energy. you will need to dish out some energy or people will leave you eventually. because it's not fair that people keep giving, and you continue to take in. i don't like the word fair. however, if it's just emptiness, people won't feel much. but a black hole takes in at all time.

people who acted are energy. musician makes music, it is an energy in sound wave. painters paint pictures, it manipulates energy through light. athletes are moving through space with strength and power, the image is mimicked in onlookers' brains, in which onlookers reflected to themselves, and create a sense of strength and power inside their skulls which is an energy. actors act with emotions, which is a form of energy. Politicians rallied people around them with speeches, tactics, personal charms and sometimes ideals, all those can be seen as energy, through which people feel emotions, dreams, and inspirations.

it is a fact that everyone have been onlookers one time or another on their way to death. most people grow up being both onlookers and people who acted. why are there different levels? how come some of them become onlookers for the most of their lives? there is no shame of being onlookers. but how do you give back? being onlookers means we can be inspired, thus we regain some of the energy so we could act ourselves too. but a black hole, a black hole has no time to act while energy constantly flowed in. it is too busy sucking itself in along with whatever energy they could grab...

favorite recipe! (2)

about a week ago, 謝立言叔叔他們家長了好幾根 zucchini 瓜! 謝立言叔叔在星期四晚上做完瑜珈後, 拿了一個給舅舅他們. 舅媽回家後切了一半給我帶回家. 我一直都不知道要怎麼吃這種瓜. 所以只聽了謝立言叔叔的建議把保鮮膜捲在瓜的切口上後放進了冰箱. 前幾天, 謝叔叔問起來說, 吃了沒. 我說還沒有... 這兩天媽媽一直在說要把瓜給吃了, 昨天他早上把瓜切好了, 下午他說要我煮. 我藉著這個機會上網去查察 zucchini 瓜的食譜. 還是在 allrecipe 的網站上找到了這個. 這瓜也是源自南美, 這個做法裡又是番茄又是玉米粒, 不愧是墨西哥食譜! 非常好吃!

要注意的是玉米粒不能太爛, zucchini 瓜也是一樣! 鍋蓋起來的話, 水分會多一點, 如果要夾餅吃, 可能得大火燒乾一點. 但是, 我不是很確定. 因為我只敢用大火煮一下, 我怕瓜會太爛. 這個要點是看 allrecipe 上對這個食譜的讀者評論裡看到的. 看看別人對食譜的經驗很重要! 我昨天第一次試, 瓜的口感剛剛好! 滿高興的, 媽媽很喜歡這道菜! 我用的椒是南美一種很辣的辣椒(Habanero chili)做成的醬. 我照阿芳的食譜做的. 裡面用的油是麻油. 放下去很好吃, 我放的份量也剛好, 有辣意, 但不會搶走其他的味道.

-------------------------------------------
Calabacitas con Elote (Zucchini with Corn)


Ingredients

* 2 1/2 cups fresh corn kernels
* 1 tablespoon olive oil
* 1/4 cup chopped onion
* 1 clove garlic, minced
* 1 pound zucchini, sliced
* 3 roma (plum) tomatoes, chopped
* 1 fresh poblano chile pepper - seeded, deveined, and chopped
* salt and black pepper to taste
* 1/4 cup crumbled cotija cheese



Directions

1. Place the corn in a saucepan with enough water to cover; bring to a boil. Place a cover on the saucepan, reduce heat to medium, and cook until tender, about 10 minutes. Drain.
2. Heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat; cook and stir the onion and garlic in the hot oil until fragrant, about 5 minutes. Mix the zucchini and tomato into the onion and garlic; cook together 5 minutes. Stir the corn kernels into the mixture; add the poblano pepper. Season with salt and pepper; stir. Cover the skillet with a lid and cook until the zucchini is tender, about 10 minutes. Sprinkle with the cotija cheese to serve.

(allrecipe.com)

favorite recipe!

i was craving for pasta salad one day, out of nowhere. i went online and searched. i came upon the recipe below by accident . it was different from many other kinds of pasta salad in a way that reminds me of curry salad. But with grape, it is truly refreshing and wonderful.

after my first try, my mom and i are in love with it. i will keep the recipe here as an insurance. it is too good to be lost in times of my rage...


------------------------

Company Chicken Pasta Salad with Grapes

SUBMITTED BY: MARBALET

INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)

* 2 cups small seashell pasta
* 3 1/2 cups chopped poached chicken breast meat
* 1/2 cup diced celery
* 1 cup seedless green grapes, halved
* salt to taste
* 1/4 teaspoon ground white pepper
* 1/3 cup mayonnaise
* 1/2 teaspoon curry powder
* 1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
* 2 tablespoons rice vinegar
* 1 tablespoon white sugar


DIRECTIONS

1. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add pasta, and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain.
2. In a medium bowl, combine chicken, celery, grapes, cooked pasta, salt, and white pepper; mix well and reserve.
3. In a medium bowl, combine mayonnaise, curry powder, cumin, rice vinegar, and sugar; whisk ingredients together and toss with chicken mixture.
4. Cover salad with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 2 to 4 hours before serving.


(allrecipe.com)

哎喲偎呀

我記得我來美國後, 有一次, 在課堂上, 從黑板走回座位上. 突然碰到桌腳. 我不經意的叫了一聲, 唉喲隈呀!
全班的眼光都集中在我身上... 然後嘻嘻哈哈的笑起來. 我也不知道他們在笑啥, 只好跟著傻笑. 有人在問, 你說了啥? 我說的我撞到桌腳了, 然後我發了一聲, 唉喲偎呀! 大家又都笑成一團. 笑的時候, 才有老師跟我解釋, 原來, 美國人不說 唉喲偎呀. 我聽了有點吃驚, 原來連這個都不是天生的... 美國人的哎喲偎呀是, ouch...

Link in Soul Calibur 2

the model of Link in Soul Calibur 2 is awesome. I feel somehow it's better than those 3D zelda game models. i think it is mainly due to the animations of the fighting and 8 way movements. it felt so much alive. i'd wish to see a 3D zelda game with Link being able to fight like in Soul Calibur 2 and moves alike as well...

the model of Link in Soul Calibur 2 is just awesome... I wonder why Nintendo did not intend to design a Zelda game like that... but i also see that the fighting would be a hardcore fighting, if it's like Soul Calibur 2 game.

the problem with being a hardcore fighting system is that the fight could be tiresome after a few tries... at least for most people. being arcadish fighting system is how zelda game survived and popular, i think. it's hard to balance between realistic fighting and arcadish fighting.

arcadish fighting in my definition is not many defense options, and offense is often fast and exaggerated. quicktime events are usually accompanied with it in modern games.

realistic fighting is at least more than one defense options, offense can be fast but also complicated enough to think...in speed as well...

most fighting systems go between the two. arcady is good for multiple enemies with grand graphics. realistic focused more on player's skill and familiarity of the character they are using. Soul Calibur is in between. Zelda is very much arcady. Oni and Blade of Darkness are more close to realistic. imp...that is.

I don't think Nintendo is doing anything wrong by choosing arcady. however, i really wish to see Link doing great moves on his enemies in a fight...in a zelda game... the animations in such moment must be a delight...

thoughts on camera in my imagined game

I was at lost recently about the game I was thinking of. The game I envisioned was a game of hardcore fighting action adventure. The camera would pan on the back of the character most of the time. My problem now is how to make the fight exciting, especially when it was against multiple enemies? How to make it like you have option to fight one on one like Oni and Blade of Darkness, even in multiple enemies environment. but also give players options of fighting similar to God of War. What i mean about the last option is that to create a rhyme during the fight similar to god of war, or prince of persia warrior within, rather than a hardcore one on one events like in Oni or BoD.

I proposed to create fighting action adventure with 3 Camera options originally, one is like Sacrifice, another one is soft lock on, the last one is hard lock on system. the reason for three camera controls is because i believe that in PC gaming, or 3D gaming in general, camera control is of the vital point of player's experience. 3 camera control could support at least 3 gaming types, puzzle solving, platforming, and fighting. the 3 camera types will be defined by focus point of the character.

in the first camera option, character's focus point will follow wherever the cursor is. there's no auto focus at all. so the player will in a way be able to examine the environment similar to the classic adventure games. This option could also be designed to support a wizard type of character in fighting. it will be just like in the Sacrifice, camera would be able to move around to view the environment even when running. so the camera will not always be focused on character's back. i will define that at this moment, character's focus point is 90% on the environment, 10% on the character itself. so this mode is no good for melee fight.

in the second camera option, it will be just like Oni. camera fixed behind character's back. But this time, there's no cursor on the screen, players will not be able to point and click. the focus point will follow by a pre-defined focus field, at least that's what i assumed this was how Bungie guys did to Oni's soft lock on system. the interactivity with the environment would be hugely reduced. melee fighting options will be limited as well. but here's the problem where i would like to find a way to be like Oni and BoD but also added something to integrate platform and fighting, to create a rhyme that's different from Oni and BoD. here, the players will constantly adjust camera to face the enemy, or to interact with environment. the character's focus point right now is 60%-75% on character itself, 25-40% on the environment.

in the third camera option, the focus point is 90% on the character itself, 10% on the environment. the Platform ability will only be valid if it is integrated with fighting. the fighting options are turned all on. The camera is locked on one enemy hard so the player does not need to adjust the camera at all. interaction with the environment will be canceled out with the priority on fighting.

but the problem is in the second options. because i do think that hardcore fighting action adventure could only attract a handful. the only way to increase the rhyme in fighting is to make the reaction bottom very versatile. because the fighting ability is reduced, but the platforming ability is enhanced. running around is very much possible. with camera on back, keyboard asdw, it's easier to get a precise position. but it also creates a problem that it's hard to be arcadish like god of war... but there must be a way... with reaction bottom being versatile, the whole thing would be like batman asylum...

書鈔, 梁啟超: 慧觀

同一書也，考據家讀之，所觸者無一非考據之材料；詞章家讀之，所觸者無一非詞章之材料；好作燈謎酒令之人讀之，所觸者無一非燈謎酒令之材料；經世家讀之，所觸者無一非經世之材料。同一社會也（即人群），商賈家入之，所遇者無一非錙銖什一之人；江湖名士入之，所遇者無一非咬文嚼字之人；求宦達者入之，所遇者無一非謅上淩下、衣冠優孟之人；懷不平者入之，所遇者無一非隴畔輟耕、東門倚嘯之人。各自佔一世界，而各自謂世界之大，已盡於是，此外千形萬態，非所見也，非所聞也。昔有白晝攫金于齊市者，吏捕而詰之曰：“眾目共視之地，汝攫金不畏人耶？”其人曰：“吾彼時只見有金，不見有人。”夫一市之人之多，非若秋毫之末之難察也，而攫金者不知之，此其故何哉？昔有佣一蠢僕執爨役者，使購求食物于市，歸而曰：“市中無食物。”主人曰：“嘻，魚也，豕肉也，芥也，姜也，何一不可食者？”于是僕適市，購輒得之。既而亙一月，朝朝夕夕所食者，皆魚也，豕肉也，芥也，姜也。主人曰：“嘻，盍易他味？” 僕曰： “市中除魚与豕肉与芥与姜之外，無有他物。”夫一市之物之多，非若水中微虫，必待顯微鏡然後能睹者，而蠢僕不知之，此其故何哉？

任公曰：吾觀世人所謂智者，其所見，與彼之攫金人與此之蠢僕，相去幾何矣？李白、杜甫滿地，而衣袚襫、攜鋤犁者，必不知之；計然、范蠡滿地，而摩禹行、效舜趨者，必不知之；陳涉、吳廣滿地，而饗五鼎、鳴八騶者必不知之。其不知也，則直謂世界中無有此等人也，雖日日以此等人環集于其旁，而彼之視為無有固自若也。不此之笑，而惟笑彼之攫金者與此之蠢僕，何其蔽歟？

人誰不見蘋果之墜地，而因以悟重力之原理者，惟有一奈端(newton)；人誰不見沸水之騰氣，而因以悟汽機之作用者，惟有一瓦特；人誰不見海藻之漂岸，而因以覓得新大陸者，惟有一哥侖布；人誰不見男女之戀愛，而因以看取人情之大動機者，惟有一瑟士丕亞。無名之野花，田夫畫之，牧童蹈之，而窩兒哲窩士於此中見造化之微妙焉；海灘之僵石，漁者所淘餘，潮雨所狼藉，而達爾文於此中悟進化之大理焉。故學莫要于善觀。善觀者，觀滴水而知大海，觀一指而知全身，不以其所已知蔽其所未知，而常以其所已知推其所未知，是之謂慧觀。

(錄自薪火四代, 梁從戒編. 此篇從梁君啟超自由書來. 自由書有四篇自一八九九年三廿二日發表, 至一九零一年十二月一日止. 慧觀發表於一九零零年, 三月一日)

書鈔: Darwin Autobriography

This excerpt is about his description of his own brain change.

".....

I have said that in one respect my mind has changed during the last twenty or thirty years. Up to the age of thirty, or beyond it, poetry of many kinds, such as the works of Milton, Gray, Byron, Wordsworth, Coleridge, and Shelley, gave me great pleasure, and even as a schoolboy I took intense delight in Shakespeare, especially in the historical plays. I have also said that formerly pictures gave me considerable, and music very great delight. But now for many years I cannot endure to read a line of poetry: I have tried lately to read Shakespeare, and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseated me. I have also almost lost my taste for pictures or music. Music generally sets me thinking too energetically on what I have been at work on, instead of giving me pleasure. I retain some taste for fine scenery, but it does not cause me the exquisite delight which it formerly did. On the other hand, novels which are works of the imagination, though not of a very high order, have been for years a wonderful relief and pleasure to me, and I often bless all novelists. A surprising number have been read aloud to me, and I like all if moderately good, and if they do not end unhappily-- against which a law ought to be passed. A novel, according to my taste, does not come into the first class unless it contains some person whom one can thoroughly love, and if a pretty woman all the better.

This curious and lamentable loss of the higher aesthetic tastes is all the odder, as books on history, biographies, and travels (independently of any scientific facts which they may contain), and essays on all sorts of subjects interest me as much as ever they did. My mind seems to have become a kind of machine for grinding general laws out of large collections of facts, but why this should have caused the atrophy of that part of the brain alone, on which the higher tastes depend, I cannot conceive. A man with a mind more highly organised or better constituted than mine, would not, I suppose, have thus suffered; and if I had to live my life again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once every week; for perhaps the parts of my brain now atrophied would thus have been kept active through use. The loss of these tastes is a loss of happiness, and may possibly be injurious to the intellect, and more probably to the moral character, by enfeebling the emotional part of our nature.

......."

quote from Charles Darwin Autobiography

copied and pasted from (http://books.eserver.org/nonfiction/darwin_autobiography.html)