I've sitting here since coming back from uncle's house. I went to his house because grandpa called us twice to look for mom. When I got to his house, I was kind surprised that uncle and aunt were both absent. I waited mom's arrival with grandpa.
I've sitting here for 3 hours now since then.
-----------------------------------
I was writing the above paragraph, my mom came back, then, I went to my uncle's house with her for something. At that time, I was feeling extremely anxious. I guess it came from surfing the internet fro 2 and half hours without doing any thing. I had a a goal before I started surfing. I listened to some rush albums because I want to learn to sing one of a rock'n roll songs. Vic and Pei Quan both recommended them to me in separate occasions. So I was listening and surfing at the same time. By surfing, I meant I was trying to find something I can buy from amazon or ebay. I don't know why that's important, but I felt it was important. I've been wanting to buy yoga mat for sometimes now. But every time I went online to look for them, I came back empty handed. It's been like this for a long time now. I could only buy stuff for my mom, it just seemed that I could not decide what to buy. Or, I always wonder if that's a good decision at all. I was always pretty certain that the things I want to to buy was either unnecessary, or priced too much. I need a better deal! I do not want to be silly, I want to show people I know how to buy things I want with a good price as well. From that point on, I stopped buying anything significant. The only things I could spend my money on was either fast food, or cat toys.
What stopped me to do research? I did some research. But I always wonder if there's a better deal... It is really that boy trying to find the best seashell by the beach...
I did buy a compact scope a few months ago. It was such a disappointment. It's hard to adjust the focus, and it's not that clear. But most terrible of all was that it's very fragile, for only a few days carried that thing around in my bag, it's broken already...
I just learned a phrase that if you could have a few choices but could not decide, then choose the one that you could reverse your decision if needed to afterwards. By not buying, I comfort myself that I was doing exactly that. However, it is extremely dissatisfying with myself!
----------------------------------
I always woke up in the mid night when baobao started meowing. it's almost always at 3. I used to be able to drift back into sleep. But I could not lately. I could not, because I kept thinking about girls in the office. I would struggle between having a lustrous relationship with them, or puppy love. Lustrous relationship almost always has the upper hand at the end. And that is it for me to sleep. That could go on for 6 nights a week.
I used to ogling pretty girls when I was in high school. I tried very hard to refrain from that for a long time. The restrain seemed to help some. But my imagination would go crazy half of the time. The female I turned my eyes away would be 10 times prettier sometimes. I really don't know what to do. I am horrendously lonely. I spent half of my day trying hard not to think of them. The other half of the time just out of focus, or the outside objective world would give me something to replace my mind which is usually work for now.
I know my mom knows what I am feeling. She's not a prude. But I just somehow could not step outside of my head. I have nothing to offer to the girl I wish to engage with. I can't talk, I have no talent, and I can't make a decision without making a fuss, and even after that the decision would come out wrong most of the time. Plus, I make no efforts to make things better, from inside out.
I felt sometimes that I have all the bad quality from my dad, my uncle, and my grandpa. But alas, they are all far superior than me. It's a insult to compare them to I.
I am just currently telling myself, that everybody is going to leave anyway. Those girls in office, well, they too are leaving soon. They will find a good future ahead, just like Nono did . And I will still be here, trying to carve another block of wood, saying I hate coward, I hate stupidity, I hate myself.
---------------------------------
I watched Mr. Turner two days ago. It was too long. I felt it's a montage without a focus, that means, the movie presented a person without really described that person. It was a movie without opinion. It maybe a good way to make movie sometimes. But with the length of the movie, and the huge amount of information, I felt it's disarrayed. The acting was pretty good, I guess, for no matter how good the acting was, I felt the movie need to have an opinion about Mr. Turner!
---------------------------------
I saw sudden impact, a fourth installment of dirty harry series. It was decent, but I don't think it's excellent. The plot was interesting enough. The acting was pretty good. I don't know why it's not excellent. But it's just not... :p
--------------------------------------
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Sunday, May 24, 2015
電影感想
The perk of being a wallflower:
This was an interesting movie. I think it was finely crafted, in terms of character development. The plot line was multilayer-ed, with good twists. There was this real mystery behind the main protagonist. The characters surrounding the protagonist are colored personality as well. Each of them has a real space to grow in the story.
As a wallflower goes, I learned the definition well from this movie. I almost find the movie a bore although it was well crafted. They used some typical conflicts in modern teen dramas. It's lucky that supporting cast was good role player for their own roles. The protagonist was those kind people I don't particularly like. Quietly observant, polite, but knowledgeable. He was at the same time, quite mature for his age but permeates a sadness. Not really fearful of others. A writer himself. He liked a senior in high school, but they were never together.
I felt I am like the protagonist in some ways. I don't like myself, therefore, I don't like the protagonist too much. But the movie was quite alright.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Calvary:
This was a gamble. I have no idea what the movie was about. But it paned out alright. I love the photography in the movie. It was some of the prettiest thing I've seen. The scenery, the composition in some frame was simple, but elegant. The color too.
I took the picture, because of the main actor. My first memory of him was in the kingdom of heaven, he played a bad guy there, and made a real impression on me. Here's the same as well. A very competent actor in a very difficult role, which really shined.
But I have to give the credit to the director. In the end, the movie was crafted with patient. The ending was shocking, but it took the whole movie to culminate to that point to give the audience the impact.
I read some reviews claiming to the atheists, encouraging people to watch the movie, saying it is something greater than just a story about a priest . I found that weird. :p
One of the most important quote I remembered from this movie, was when the priest was confronted with the question of why he would cry for his dog, but when upon hearing the molest of many young boys by the other priests, he did not shed a tear. His answer was blunt and honest, he felt a sense of detachment after hearing the molest of young boys by the other priests. I could not really understand about when this conversation struck me, but I know it's the key to this whole movie. While searching for the quote, I read someone compared the priest's detachment to the public's detachment in general. By killing the priest, it's also a allegation towards the general public's detachment. I think maybe that was the reason I thought the conversation meant. But I might find something other things in the future...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
催眠大師
滿不錯的一部電影. 我覺得在節奏的拿捏上非常棒. 在這點上製造了緊張. 對於那位神秘女人的動機, 和他的秘密, 也使的觀眾不斷揣測, 提高了觀眾懸疑的興趣. 另外兩位主角的互動很具張力.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
一個人的武林
有王寶強, 我覺得在演戲上似乎給我一點保證. 所以我滿期待的. 電影沒有讓我失望. 以警察探案為經, 把一個舊式的武林爭霸的故事給帶出來, 這是一個令我驚豔的結構. 其中警案的劇情引起整部影片的多處轉折, 實在是令人猜測不斷. 王寶強的演戲能力也沒讓我失望. 他能不能打對我來說不是很重要, 可是, 在故事裡, 他實際上扮演的是甄子丹 的 hyde. 而這個 hyde 非常盡責, 把主角最強的 Ego 給叫出來後, 真正把主角從自己的強烈欲望裡掙脫出來. 甄子丹的表現一般沒有太大的波瀾起伏, 但是在這裡卻很適合他的角色.
這實在是一部很好的電影.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
This was an interesting movie. I think it was finely crafted, in terms of character development. The plot line was multilayer-ed, with good twists. There was this real mystery behind the main protagonist. The characters surrounding the protagonist are colored personality as well. Each of them has a real space to grow in the story.
As a wallflower goes, I learned the definition well from this movie. I almost find the movie a bore although it was well crafted. They used some typical conflicts in modern teen dramas. It's lucky that supporting cast was good role player for their own roles. The protagonist was those kind people I don't particularly like. Quietly observant, polite, but knowledgeable. He was at the same time, quite mature for his age but permeates a sadness. Not really fearful of others. A writer himself. He liked a senior in high school, but they were never together.
I felt I am like the protagonist in some ways. I don't like myself, therefore, I don't like the protagonist too much. But the movie was quite alright.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Calvary:
This was a gamble. I have no idea what the movie was about. But it paned out alright. I love the photography in the movie. It was some of the prettiest thing I've seen. The scenery, the composition in some frame was simple, but elegant. The color too.
I took the picture, because of the main actor. My first memory of him was in the kingdom of heaven, he played a bad guy there, and made a real impression on me. Here's the same as well. A very competent actor in a very difficult role, which really shined.
But I have to give the credit to the director. In the end, the movie was crafted with patient. The ending was shocking, but it took the whole movie to culminate to that point to give the audience the impact.
I read some reviews claiming to the atheists, encouraging people to watch the movie, saying it is something greater than just a story about a priest . I found that weird. :p
One of the most important quote I remembered from this movie, was when the priest was confronted with the question of why he would cry for his dog, but when upon hearing the molest of many young boys by the other priests, he did not shed a tear. His answer was blunt and honest, he felt a sense of detachment after hearing the molest of young boys by the other priests. I could not really understand about when this conversation struck me, but I know it's the key to this whole movie. While searching for the quote, I read someone compared the priest's detachment to the public's detachment in general. By killing the priest, it's also a allegation towards the general public's detachment. I think maybe that was the reason I thought the conversation meant. But I might find something other things in the future...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
催眠大師
滿不錯的一部電影. 我覺得在節奏的拿捏上非常棒. 在這點上製造了緊張. 對於那位神秘女人的動機, 和他的秘密, 也使的觀眾不斷揣測, 提高了觀眾懸疑的興趣. 另外兩位主角的互動很具張力.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
一個人的武林
有王寶強, 我覺得在演戲上似乎給我一點保證. 所以我滿期待的. 電影沒有讓我失望. 以警察探案為經, 把一個舊式的武林爭霸的故事給帶出來, 這是一個令我驚豔的結構. 其中警案的劇情引起整部影片的多處轉折, 實在是令人猜測不斷. 王寶強的演戲能力也沒讓我失望. 他能不能打對我來說不是很重要, 可是, 在故事裡, 他實際上扮演的是甄子丹 的 hyde. 而這個 hyde 非常盡責, 把主角最強的 Ego 給叫出來後, 真正把主角從自己的強烈欲望裡掙脫出來. 甄子丹的表現一般沒有太大的波瀾起伏, 但是在這裡卻很適合他的角色.
這實在是一部很好的電影.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Saturday, May 09, 2015
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Friday, May 01, 2015
person missing
looking for a lost person. he is 5'3'', asian. male, with a glasses. missing since long time ago. may no longer be alive. but still hoping to reach out and take our chances.
it's hard to describe how this person really was for it was truly a long time ago. this person seemed to be full of himself sometimes. it seemed that he could easily get along with other people, but deep down, he was a phony. he pretends a lot. could not hold true to his feeling. deeply competitive, it seemed, but a coward in the core. this combination makes him a person kept hiding and hiding, until there's no more room to hide. until he had to close his own eyes, to pretend to hide... in plain sight.
he watched a lot of porn. although many of those things scare him, but somehow, those scared him the most, attracted something deep inside of him as well. it's an interesting study case for human psychic? or could it be an average joe's psychology? this person disliked the habit, but could not stop himself. this habit had affected his interaction with opposite sex. it was really a very sad fate. for he naturally adored females.
this person had problem interact with people, he sought other means to be in touch with a bigger human nature. movies. it's very stupid. for there's no interaction at all.
after all these description, maybe , we should not looked for this person anymore...
-----------------------------
隨便寫的文章,完全沒有內容. 寫作的動機是來自於 zen and the artofmotorcycle maintenance. 這是我以前的心理醫師介紹的一本書. 我最近找來看, 看完後, 後悔那時候沒有馬上在介紹時閱讀. 的確是一本可以和心理醫師討論好書. 主角那種完全脫離現實的觀察, 就好像駕駛人其實不在駕駛, 反而坐在乘客座上. 兒子的描述, 一開始讓我覺得多餘, 但實際上, 非常關鍵! 我還不能解釋關鍵在何處.
it's hard to describe how this person really was for it was truly a long time ago. this person seemed to be full of himself sometimes. it seemed that he could easily get along with other people, but deep down, he was a phony. he pretends a lot. could not hold true to his feeling. deeply competitive, it seemed, but a coward in the core. this combination makes him a person kept hiding and hiding, until there's no more room to hide. until he had to close his own eyes, to pretend to hide... in plain sight.
he watched a lot of porn. although many of those things scare him, but somehow, those scared him the most, attracted something deep inside of him as well. it's an interesting study case for human psychic? or could it be an average joe's psychology? this person disliked the habit, but could not stop himself. this habit had affected his interaction with opposite sex. it was really a very sad fate. for he naturally adored females.
this person had problem interact with people, he sought other means to be in touch with a bigger human nature. movies. it's very stupid. for there's no interaction at all.
after all these description, maybe , we should not looked for this person anymore...
-----------------------------
隨便寫的文章,完全沒有內容. 寫作的動機是來自於 zen and the artofmotorcycle maintenance. 這是我以前的心理醫師介紹的一本書. 我最近找來看, 看完後, 後悔那時候沒有馬上在介紹時閱讀. 的確是一本可以和心理醫師討論好書. 主角那種完全脫離現實的觀察, 就好像駕駛人其實不在駕駛, 反而坐在乘客座上. 兒子的描述, 一開始讓我覺得多餘, 但實際上, 非常關鍵! 我還不能解釋關鍵在何處.
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