the longer we live, the closer we are to our parents.
What I meant by that is, when a woman bear a child at age 20, the age difference between her child and her is only 20 years. If she only lived 60 years, then 20 years seemed a bigger difference between the woman and her child. But if she lived 100 years, 20 years is a smaller gap. If she could live to 800 years, 20 years age difference is even minimal.
From a purely numerical point of view, if we could live to infinite, there's not much difference between everyone.
just blubbering...
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
空爆
情感在爆炸. 昨天的, 今天的, 還有不能忘記的.
已已往往,消失了. 好像空氣在爆炸.
我們稱他空爆．
哪有一點回憶，還可以這樣浪費.
在這裡, 情感只是不能感動人的模樣．
忘記， 卻是平凡的不可能．
遙望， 已是回憶的鐵案．
醬子， 我鎖住你．
只要答案對， 我就可以．
可以對的住你．
已已往往,消失了. 好像空氣在爆炸.
我們稱他空爆．
哪有一點回憶，還可以這樣浪費.
在這裡, 情感只是不能感動人的模樣．
忘記， 卻是平凡的不可能．
遙望， 已是回憶的鐵案．
醬子， 我鎖住你．
只要答案對， 我就可以．
可以對的住你．
如癡
寂寞的心, 如癡如狂.
寂寥的夜, 如水如雪.
狂野, 如脫韁的野馬, 奔馳在心的草原上.
那裡, 赤裸的渴望, 在冰冷的夜, 駕駛著.
黑暗, 只是月光的不足.
拋脫上身的衣服, 銀白在光下.
飛去的, 已消逝在遙遠的黑暗,
管他是天上還是地下.
寂寥的夜, 如水如雪.
狂野, 如脫韁的野馬, 奔馳在心的草原上.
那裡, 赤裸的渴望, 在冰冷的夜, 駕駛著.
黑暗, 只是月光的不足.
拋脫上身的衣服, 銀白在光下.
飛去的, 已消逝在遙遠的黑暗,
管他是天上還是地下.
narrative story telling and seriousness of video game story
A comparison of nintendo's metro and gears of war:
Most of the time, we are alone in the metro world, besides the aliens we are supposed to shoot. the narrative story telling, by which, I meant that words and sounds, was kept at minimum. Gears on the other end, were heavily worded, and acted out by voice talents. Metro were heavily emphasizing on the player's own exploration rather than the direction from games. Gears is the contrary.
In my memory, during those lonely exploration by myself in metro, I felt more about right brain than left. My mind somehow goes to a quieter places. the easy game play mechanics helped along this line. It even made me focused more in the game world. No, rather a world inside of myself. On the contrary to this, I did not felt the same thing about Gear. The voiced dialogues broke into my conscious mind, the game world is outside, rather than inside. The control is more realistic and complicated. I will have to concentrated on it more. The differences is obvious.
by producing a game with less narrative dialogues and quieter game, actually producing different result. That is not to say that this fits in every genre! For example, classic adventure game needs narrative. This is only for certain "actiony" games.
one of my favorite games of all time, is Sacrifice, which is actiony and heavily dialogued. This leads to the second topic. You be surprised just how easy to tab into right brain, by heavily dialogued narrative with a little twist.
----------------------------------
Many European and American games are heavily narrated. For example, Sacrifice was heavily narrated. But it is incredibly funny. I think that's rare for European and American games. Narrative story telling is very hard for movies. It is especially hard to create a good hero movies. For games, it is even harder. That's why most of the games that wanted to create a good hero, usually fails. Because, in an actiony games, for a game designers to put players in a situation where, the players could emphasize with heroes in the games through actions would be extremely hard. For the players are the ones doing the input. So most of the game designers did the next best thing. They created dialogues and narrative story lines to beef up players experience, and to emphasize with the heroes. But by doing so, it is exhausting. I am sorry, Heroes are not that different..., especially hand crafted by human's brain. It is so rare to create an universal hero icon that everyone would agree is a heroes and feel refreshed.
For example, gears of war's and assassin's creed's narrative are both too serious. There's not much of lightness on the story line. At the same time, it would be hard for players to really create an entrenched sensation in their brain. Because narrative story telling and complex control keep them from using their right brain. A hearty laugh however, would open that door, or at least an window to the right brain.
One of the sad thing about taking it too seriously is that it is hard to come down from the throne of seriousness. And it created a good boy effect... You need to create light hearted contends in a serious game. Seriousness is fun, to a point, beyond that point, it is exhaustion. A game taking itself too serious in story department is a torment, to the players, and game creators. You need to find a way to loosen up a bit.
Most of the time, we are alone in the metro world, besides the aliens we are supposed to shoot. the narrative story telling, by which, I meant that words and sounds, was kept at minimum. Gears on the other end, were heavily worded, and acted out by voice talents. Metro were heavily emphasizing on the player's own exploration rather than the direction from games. Gears is the contrary.
In my memory, during those lonely exploration by myself in metro, I felt more about right brain than left. My mind somehow goes to a quieter places. the easy game play mechanics helped along this line. It even made me focused more in the game world. No, rather a world inside of myself. On the contrary to this, I did not felt the same thing about Gear. The voiced dialogues broke into my conscious mind, the game world is outside, rather than inside. The control is more realistic and complicated. I will have to concentrated on it more. The differences is obvious.
by producing a game with less narrative dialogues and quieter game, actually producing different result. That is not to say that this fits in every genre! For example, classic adventure game needs narrative. This is only for certain "actiony" games.
one of my favorite games of all time, is Sacrifice, which is actiony and heavily dialogued. This leads to the second topic. You be surprised just how easy to tab into right brain, by heavily dialogued narrative with a little twist.
----------------------------------
Many European and American games are heavily narrated. For example, Sacrifice was heavily narrated. But it is incredibly funny. I think that's rare for European and American games. Narrative story telling is very hard for movies. It is especially hard to create a good hero movies. For games, it is even harder. That's why most of the games that wanted to create a good hero, usually fails. Because, in an actiony games, for a game designers to put players in a situation where, the players could emphasize with heroes in the games through actions would be extremely hard. For the players are the ones doing the input. So most of the game designers did the next best thing. They created dialogues and narrative story lines to beef up players experience, and to emphasize with the heroes. But by doing so, it is exhausting. I am sorry, Heroes are not that different..., especially hand crafted by human's brain. It is so rare to create an universal hero icon that everyone would agree is a heroes and feel refreshed.
For example, gears of war's and assassin's creed's narrative are both too serious. There's not much of lightness on the story line. At the same time, it would be hard for players to really create an entrenched sensation in their brain. Because narrative story telling and complex control keep them from using their right brain. A hearty laugh however, would open that door, or at least an window to the right brain.
One of the sad thing about taking it too seriously is that it is hard to come down from the throne of seriousness. And it created a good boy effect... You need to create light hearted contends in a serious game. Seriousness is fun, to a point, beyond that point, it is exhaustion. A game taking itself too serious in story department is a torment, to the players, and game creators. You need to find a way to loosen up a bit.
a comment on a comment
I just read a comment from a creative director of a french game company about why certain japanese game company can keep making new versions of old game series. then the director specified his comment on many japanese stories in comparison to the euro-america story telling.
I felt the comment must be from the heat of gamers criticizing their seemingly effort to do new version of the game, which is directed by the director. The comment is interesting. First of all, the wrath of the gamers must be pretty hot... lol the pressure of using same engine or gameplay to make money must be very heavy. :p Second of all, what that certain company does is amazing. Third of All, most of the games that certain company produced do not emphasize too heavily on "narrative" storytelling...
I am particularly sad about the comment is that it is really easy to get personal. Calling gamers having preferential treatment on the competition says something about the director. He is tired from the pressure of squeezing new gameplays from the existing engine, and comments from gamers about the same series. i think he needs a break from the games he is working on. :p
This is not to say that I am not wondering about the same thing, how come certain company could just reinvent old series. I think it has to do with narrative story telling, and seriousness of the game.
I felt the comment must be from the heat of gamers criticizing their seemingly effort to do new version of the game, which is directed by the director. The comment is interesting. First of all, the wrath of the gamers must be pretty hot... lol the pressure of using same engine or gameplay to make money must be very heavy. :p Second of all, what that certain company does is amazing. Third of All, most of the games that certain company produced do not emphasize too heavily on "narrative" storytelling...
I am particularly sad about the comment is that it is really easy to get personal. Calling gamers having preferential treatment on the competition says something about the director. He is tired from the pressure of squeezing new gameplays from the existing engine, and comments from gamers about the same series. i think he needs a break from the games he is working on. :p
This is not to say that I am not wondering about the same thing, how come certain company could just reinvent old series. I think it has to do with narrative story telling, and seriousness of the game.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
story from asylum
story 2.
i love pretty things. there's nothing prettier than a beautiful woman. There seemed to have this controllable urge when I see one of those woman. I could not really tell what is it really. It's very hard to put my hands on the feeling. The young psychologist is incredibly beautiful.
it would be stupid to assume that I lack the knowledge of my sexual desire. On the contrary, I know too intimately. Too intimately. That's why I am afraid. A feeling to own, to grab, to be gentle, to be passionately, scared the hell out of me. I want to be able to love them. I want to be able to protect them. They would feel happy, wild, secure, and satisfied around me. But all I could must in reality is far away from all those ideals. I loath myself. And I loath those men who could not do any of these. That's why I killed. But they did not understand. The so called police, counselor, judge, they don't understand. So the injustice befell on me. I killed a man of evil, that man deserved to die. I am not claiming that I am the mouth piece of god. but no, that man did not deserve to live.
For 40 years, the only thing that could comfort me was the dreams of all the beautiful women I've ever met. I consider it is blessing that, at the end of my life, I could see one last beautiful woman. She permeates an air of calm, and she's both genuine and sincere. I could just sit back and glee. Looking at her for a glimpse, made a day whole to me. I sleep most of the day. Yes, I feel secure, and happy. She brings peace of mind to me.
i love pretty things. there's nothing prettier than a beautiful woman. There seemed to have this controllable urge when I see one of those woman. I could not really tell what is it really. It's very hard to put my hands on the feeling. The young psychologist is incredibly beautiful.
it would be stupid to assume that I lack the knowledge of my sexual desire. On the contrary, I know too intimately. Too intimately. That's why I am afraid. A feeling to own, to grab, to be gentle, to be passionately, scared the hell out of me. I want to be able to love them. I want to be able to protect them. They would feel happy, wild, secure, and satisfied around me. But all I could must in reality is far away from all those ideals. I loath myself. And I loath those men who could not do any of these. That's why I killed. But they did not understand. The so called police, counselor, judge, they don't understand. So the injustice befell on me. I killed a man of evil, that man deserved to die. I am not claiming that I am the mouth piece of god. but no, that man did not deserve to live.
For 40 years, the only thing that could comfort me was the dreams of all the beautiful women I've ever met. I consider it is blessing that, at the end of my life, I could see one last beautiful woman. She permeates an air of calm, and she's both genuine and sincere. I could just sit back and glee. Looking at her for a glimpse, made a day whole to me. I sleep most of the day. Yes, I feel secure, and happy. She brings peace of mind to me.
Story from Asylum
STory 1.
I have not idea why I was here in the first place. I tried ard to squeeze my memory for a clue. I odn'ot know. but why should I know? the owrld is much bigger than me, stronger still. it can force me to do anything anyway. But I do wnat to know the reason of it though. so I seardcched hard.
I used to have 6 best friends. But since I came to the asylum, they never came to visit. I am very upset about it. I thought we were very good friends. And MY gosh, I love Rachel. IT makes my heart broken. I used to eat almost every thanksgiving at Monica's, until chandler and mon moved to the suburbs. I think one of the closest relationship I had was with joe, who by the way loved Rachel as well. Ross and RAchel are now together now. Emma must be about 40 years as well. Emma, Emma is R and R's kid. Phoebe and mike moved out as well. I think that marrying mike is a mistake. But I have no say in this anyway.
I cried hard when I thought of them. I thought we've been through a lot. But they never showed up and see me. I just could not udnerstand why. That's not how friends treat each other. IF I could, I would pay them a visit. My god, HOw I miss them. But I know, time passes. People change. They grow old, just like me. Although I was tortured for this past few decades for no apparent reasons. I hate them, but I forgive too. I just wish to see them. If I could extract memories of their sound and pciture, how I would wish to do that.
I have not idea why I was here in the first place. I tried ard to squeeze my memory for a clue. I odn'ot know. but why should I know? the owrld is much bigger than me, stronger still. it can force me to do anything anyway. But I do wnat to know the reason of it though. so I seardcched hard.
I used to have 6 best friends. But since I came to the asylum, they never came to visit. I am very upset about it. I thought we were very good friends. And MY gosh, I love Rachel. IT makes my heart broken. I used to eat almost every thanksgiving at Monica's, until chandler and mon moved to the suburbs. I think one of the closest relationship I had was with joe, who by the way loved Rachel as well. Ross and RAchel are now together now. Emma must be about 40 years as well. Emma, Emma is R and R's kid. Phoebe and mike moved out as well. I think that marrying mike is a mistake. But I have no say in this anyway.
I cried hard when I thought of them. I thought we've been through a lot. But they never showed up and see me. I just could not udnerstand why. That's not how friends treat each other. IF I could, I would pay them a visit. My god, HOw I miss them. But I know, time passes. People change. They grow old, just like me. Although I was tortured for this past few decades for no apparent reasons. I hate them, but I forgive too. I just wish to see them. If I could extract memories of their sound and pciture, how I would wish to do that.
文天祥
過零丁洋
文天祥
辛苦遭逢起一經，干戈寥落四周星。
山河破碎風飄絮，身世浮沉雨打萍。
惶恐灘頭說惶恐，零丁洋裡歎零丁。
人生自古誰無死，留取丹心照汗青。
惶恐灘頭(原名黃公灘，為贛江十八灘之一。水流湍急，是最險的一灘，凡渡河者，都感到驚死，故名「惶恐灘」)
零丁洋(指仙建沿海汀州一帶*)
(來源: http://blog.yam.com/radtz/article/1657245)
這一說法似乎和其他地方有不一樣. 其他所有地方都說零丁洋在廣東珠江裡. 我也不知道先建在哪裡...
四周星是四年的意思.
汗青: 古代用竹簡書寫前, 要把竹簡用火燒烤到乾, 用以防蟲. 期間竹片因水分跑出來狀似出汗, 故稱汗青, 又稱殺青. 這裡意指史書.
-----------------------------------------------------
正氣歌
文天祥
余囚北庭，坐一土室，室廣八尺，深可四尋，單扉低小，白間短窄，污下而幽
暗。當此夏日，諸氣萃然﹕雨潦四集，浮動床幾，時則為水氣；涂泥半朝，蒸漚歷
瀾，時則為土氣；乍晴暴熱，風道四塞，時則為日氣；檐陰薪爨，助長炎虐，時則
為火氣；倉腐寄頓，陳陳逼人，時則為米氣；駢肩雜遝，腥臊汗垢，時則為人氣；
或圊溷、或毀尸、或腐鼠，惡氣雜出，時則為穢氣。疊是數氣，當之者鮮不為厲。
而予以孱弱，俯仰其間，於茲二年矣，幸而無恙，是殆有養致然爾。然亦安知所養
何哉？孟子曰：「吾善養吾浩然之氣。」彼氣有七，吾氣有一，以一敵七，吾何患
焉！況浩然者，乃天地之正氣也，作正氣歌一首。
天地有正氣，雜然賦流形。下則為河岳，上則為日星。於人曰浩然，沛乎塞蒼冥。
皇路當清夷，含和吐明庭。時窮節乃見，一一垂丹青。在齊太史簡，在晉董狐筆。
在秦張良椎，在漢蘇武節。為嚴將軍頭，為嵇侍中血。為張睢陽齒，為顏常山舌。
或為遼東帽，清操厲冰雪。或為出師表，鬼神泣壯烈。或為渡江楫，慷慨吞胡羯。
或為擊賊笏，逆豎頭破裂。是氣所磅礡，凜烈萬古存。當其貫日月，生死安足論。
地維賴以立，天柱賴以尊。三綱實系命，道義為之根。嗟予遘陽九，隸也實不力。
楚囚纓其冠，傳車送窮北。鼎鑊甘如飴，求之不可得。陰房闐鬼火，春院閟天黑。
牛驥同一皂，雞棲鳳凰食。一朝蒙霧露，分作溝中瘠。如此再寒暑，百沴自闢易。
嗟哉沮洳場，為我安樂國。豈有他繆巧，陰陽不能賊。顧此耿耿在，仰視浮雲白。
悠悠我心悲，蒼天曷有極。哲人日已遠，典刑在夙昔。風檐展書讀，古道照顏色。
文天祥
辛苦遭逢起一經，干戈寥落四周星。
山河破碎風飄絮，身世浮沉雨打萍。
惶恐灘頭說惶恐，零丁洋裡歎零丁。
人生自古誰無死，留取丹心照汗青。
惶恐灘頭(原名黃公灘，為贛江十八灘之一。水流湍急，是最險的一灘，凡渡河者，都感到驚死，故名「惶恐灘」)
零丁洋(指仙建沿海汀州一帶*)
(來源: http://blog.yam.com/radtz/article/1657245)
這一說法似乎和其他地方有不一樣. 其他所有地方都說零丁洋在廣東珠江裡. 我也不知道先建在哪裡...
四周星是四年的意思.
汗青: 古代用竹簡書寫前, 要把竹簡用火燒烤到乾, 用以防蟲. 期間竹片因水分跑出來狀似出汗, 故稱汗青, 又稱殺青. 這裡意指史書.
-----------------------------------------------------
正氣歌
文天祥
余囚北庭，坐一土室，室廣八尺，深可四尋，單扉低小，白間短窄，污下而幽
暗。當此夏日，諸氣萃然﹕雨潦四集，浮動床幾，時則為水氣；涂泥半朝，蒸漚歷
瀾，時則為土氣；乍晴暴熱，風道四塞，時則為日氣；檐陰薪爨，助長炎虐，時則
為火氣；倉腐寄頓，陳陳逼人，時則為米氣；駢肩雜遝，腥臊汗垢，時則為人氣；
或圊溷、或毀尸、或腐鼠，惡氣雜出，時則為穢氣。疊是數氣，當之者鮮不為厲。
而予以孱弱，俯仰其間，於茲二年矣，幸而無恙，是殆有養致然爾。然亦安知所養
何哉？孟子曰：「吾善養吾浩然之氣。」彼氣有七，吾氣有一，以一敵七，吾何患
焉！況浩然者，乃天地之正氣也，作正氣歌一首。
天地有正氣，雜然賦流形。下則為河岳，上則為日星。於人曰浩然，沛乎塞蒼冥。
皇路當清夷，含和吐明庭。時窮節乃見，一一垂丹青。在齊太史簡，在晉董狐筆。
在秦張良椎，在漢蘇武節。為嚴將軍頭，為嵇侍中血。為張睢陽齒，為顏常山舌。
或為遼東帽，清操厲冰雪。或為出師表，鬼神泣壯烈。或為渡江楫，慷慨吞胡羯。
或為擊賊笏，逆豎頭破裂。是氣所磅礡，凜烈萬古存。當其貫日月，生死安足論。
地維賴以立，天柱賴以尊。三綱實系命，道義為之根。嗟予遘陽九，隸也實不力。
楚囚纓其冠，傳車送窮北。鼎鑊甘如飴，求之不可得。陰房闐鬼火，春院閟天黑。
牛驥同一皂，雞棲鳳凰食。一朝蒙霧露，分作溝中瘠。如此再寒暑，百沴自闢易。
嗟哉沮洳場，為我安樂國。豈有他繆巧，陰陽不能賊。顧此耿耿在，仰視浮雲白。
悠悠我心悲，蒼天曷有極。哲人日已遠，典刑在夙昔。風檐展書讀，古道照顏色。
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
blunt and eon
JAMES BLUNT LYRICS
My life is brilliant.
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Flying high, [ - video/radio edited version]
Fucking high, [ - CD version]
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.
lady vanished afterthought
I watched this movie a few days ago. This is a very old movie from 1930's by Hitchcock. I compared it to one episode of Monk. I thought the movie was interesting at the first half. The first half of it was much better than that Monk episode, because everyone in the movie had their own motives of denying seeing the lady. That is ingenious. The only problem was that when they revealed the reason why the lady vanished.
I am not very attracted to that reason... The same reason happened in a lot of movies from England.
I am not very attracted to that reason... The same reason happened in a lot of movies from England.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
why do you stay up so late?
It is 11:46 pm. I am alone, doing nothing. no people to talk to, no book to read, I don't work, why am I still up in this hour?
I feel unfinished. I am very sleepy, tired, and weird. I was surfing through youtube, looking for reviews of games I love. I did not see many good videos tonight, unlike last night.
What do I want right now?
I was reading a book called the science of yoga--the risk and reward today. It was a really good read. The author is a very experienced writer. He knew how to write, and I also felt I got many news on science procedure, physiology, and history. I think every yoga practitioners need to read this book.
I went to uncle's house at 8:30 pm. They said they were going to cut cake, which was made by Lena, for my aunt , But Mao was not there. So I watched women's basketball Olympic games. Then I had cake, which was too sweet for me. But aunt cut quarter of the cake for me to take home. :p Wondering how to make it go away...
I don't know how I could ever endure all these years. No contact to the outside world at all. I now think I must hide something from myself, so I could know what I really want. I am dishonest to myself. There are feelings I want to avert. I am kind of restless. I need to find out what I am hiding from myself. I can keep hiding from it by eating, drinking, self-loathing. I need to know and be able to say in front of other people what I like, I think. Keep vanishing in front of people diminishes myself. Not that I am important, but to do anything, good or bad, humble or haughty, I need to hold on to something of myself.
I feel unfinished. I am very sleepy, tired, and weird. I was surfing through youtube, looking for reviews of games I love. I did not see many good videos tonight, unlike last night.
What do I want right now?
I was reading a book called the science of yoga--the risk and reward today. It was a really good read. The author is a very experienced writer. He knew how to write, and I also felt I got many news on science procedure, physiology, and history. I think every yoga practitioners need to read this book.
I went to uncle's house at 8:30 pm. They said they were going to cut cake, which was made by Lena, for my aunt , But Mao was not there. So I watched women's basketball Olympic games. Then I had cake, which was too sweet for me. But aunt cut quarter of the cake for me to take home. :p Wondering how to make it go away...
I don't know how I could ever endure all these years. No contact to the outside world at all. I now think I must hide something from myself, so I could know what I really want. I am dishonest to myself. There are feelings I want to avert. I am kind of restless. I need to find out what I am hiding from myself. I can keep hiding from it by eating, drinking, self-loathing. I need to know and be able to say in front of other people what I like, I think. Keep vanishing in front of people diminishes myself. Not that I am important, but to do anything, good or bad, humble or haughty, I need to hold on to something of myself.
Thursday, August 09, 2012
imagination from a psychological ward
It is sad. That I am in a prison. Although I did not commit anything criminal. The only thing that I have is some psychological irregularity. Some of them doctors, or layman alike, called me psychopath, only because they claim that I could not feel what they feel. This is weird considering they don't seem to feel what I feel.
So now, I am in prison for a crime I do not understand totally. At the beginning of the prison term, I was visited, studied by a group of doctors, or should I call them psychologists? I think my disadvantage was my language, I somehow failed to make them understand me. When that happened, they would sometimes electrify me. They called it still the best treatment for mental patient, besides numerous advanced pills...
One day, I was visited with another group of doctors. They claimed that they have a way to make a better man out of me. Since my chief problem was lack of empathy. They tried to humiliate me, injure me, and torture me. They claimed that this could make me understand the pain other people are going through. I was agonized over the whole duration they were here. Every time, at the end of each experiment, they would ask me, do I feel pain, shame, and other emotions. I don't understand why. Aren't me the one lacked empathy?
Finally, those tortures were gone. There is a new doctor in the house. When we first met, I noticed her quiet demeanor. She had long hair then. I wonder why most women has shorter hair when they age. She talked to me with an air of youth. She said that since I am old, and it's been 40 years, the department of mental health thinks that I could take more beatings. They would like to release me. But some of the human-right group thought it is cruel to release me into the society now. They decided to keep me here for the rest of my life. I thanked her. It is true that I would rather be here than outside, even though they tortured me here. The young doctor said she will be the one looking after me from now on. I was relieved and though even if she was going to electrify me, it would still be better than those callous hands that used to handle me. The young doctor further assured me that I would not go through those earlier treatment. I would be supervised by the new doctor with a new treatment. Simply put, I would write and other psychological researchers will read them and make a study of it. I was glad, though still being treated as an ape, but I would rather be a writer with a bunch of readers. My imagination could release me. I thanked the doctor.
So now, I am in prison for a crime I do not understand totally. At the beginning of the prison term, I was visited, studied by a group of doctors, or should I call them psychologists? I think my disadvantage was my language, I somehow failed to make them understand me. When that happened, they would sometimes electrify me. They called it still the best treatment for mental patient, besides numerous advanced pills...
One day, I was visited with another group of doctors. They claimed that they have a way to make a better man out of me. Since my chief problem was lack of empathy. They tried to humiliate me, injure me, and torture me. They claimed that this could make me understand the pain other people are going through. I was agonized over the whole duration they were here. Every time, at the end of each experiment, they would ask me, do I feel pain, shame, and other emotions. I don't understand why. Aren't me the one lacked empathy?
Finally, those tortures were gone. There is a new doctor in the house. When we first met, I noticed her quiet demeanor. She had long hair then. I wonder why most women has shorter hair when they age. She talked to me with an air of youth. She said that since I am old, and it's been 40 years, the department of mental health thinks that I could take more beatings. They would like to release me. But some of the human-right group thought it is cruel to release me into the society now. They decided to keep me here for the rest of my life. I thanked her. It is true that I would rather be here than outside, even though they tortured me here. The young doctor said she will be the one looking after me from now on. I was relieved and though even if she was going to electrify me, it would still be better than those callous hands that used to handle me. The young doctor further assured me that I would not go through those earlier treatment. I would be supervised by the new doctor with a new treatment. Simply put, I would write and other psychological researchers will read them and make a study of it. I was glad, though still being treated as an ape, but I would rather be a writer with a bunch of readers. My imagination could release me. I thanked the doctor.
poem from old norse
Where is the friend I seek at break of day?
When night falls I still have not found Him.
My burning heat shows me His traces
I see His traces whenever flowers bloom
His love is mingled with every air.
from wild strawberry
i love this movie. it is incredibly humane! i've always wondered how this kind movie could be so interesting. the directer really is an artist.
When night falls I still have not found Him.
My burning heat shows me His traces
I see His traces whenever flowers bloom
His love is mingled with every air.
from wild strawberry
i love this movie. it is incredibly humane! i've always wondered how this kind movie could be so interesting. the directer really is an artist.
Monday, August 06, 2012
silence
i kept feeling bottled up.
yet, it is increasingly clear that i don't have much to say.
because whenever i am with people, i have no words.
if there was anything i did with people, it is awkward, stupid, or disgusting.
when i am alone, everything loses its meaning.
even the things that was intellectual to me before.
the only thing left was the feeling of hollow.
a never ending bottomless hole.
yet, it is increasingly clear that i don't have much to say.
because whenever i am with people, i have no words.
if there was anything i did with people, it is awkward, stupid, or disgusting.
when i am alone, everything loses its meaning.
even the things that was intellectual to me before.
the only thing left was the feeling of hollow.
a never ending bottomless hole.
difference between mean and means
yes, there's a difference...
mean is different from means.
look up the dictionary if you don't know the difference... lol
mean is different from means.
look up the dictionary if you don't know the difference... lol
difference in continuity
my mom found a difference between continual and continuous. they both meant something unbroken in a rough sense. but continuous is really in a chain without a stop, continual meant something keep occurring, but with intervals in between. the example they used in the 世界週刊, is raining.
if the rain has been pouring in the past few days, you may say there were rains pouring continually these few days. this meant that there were rains, but there were also times with no rains. if we replaced the word with continuously, then there's no intervals. the rain never stopped pouring.
tedious knowledge... but interesting...
if the rain has been pouring in the past few days, you may say there were rains pouring continually these few days. this meant that there were rains, but there were also times with no rains. if we replaced the word with continuously, then there's no intervals. the rain never stopped pouring.
tedious knowledge... but interesting...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)