random

i read a book about the big predators of the world, their roles in the ecologic realm, their present status in recent years, and the impact of their declination from nature. i read another book with the same attitude a while back, the monsters of god. it's an interesting topic. i wish to know about it more.

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i am not in a good state of mind lately. i could do something alright. but more and more annoyed i became. wished for a tender encounter. but of course, i hated that feeling. not really deserving it in any possible way. comparing with my mom, she's the one that need the utmost comfort. Not me. wished to take her up high, honor her. but the more i think i could not. cursing myself would at the same time cursed her. but how much i hate, despise, resent, look down upon myself. it's absolutely terrifying. now talking about it riled me up with hatred and evil intent. no, not really... that's another sad and funny part, i am too tired to do anything.

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i made a dumpling the second time last Sunday. i finally made a successful fillings this time. when i say successful, i meant there's a soup came out after you cooked the dumplings. i was quite happy. i am not really sure about the reason of the success though. my guess is that compared to the first time i made two weeks ago, the veggie-meat proportion of the fillings a lot more veggie this time around. yet, the fillings did not feel less meaty than two weeks ago. this is an interesting notion.

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