Words before sleep

Why am I still looking my spreadsheet?  What is the purpose of this?  I could be reading, writing, or do anything else. 

I always felt weird about this world.  Like this world and I were isolated by a thin film.  In a way, This thin film might be something not awakened in my own heart. 

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some thoughts

Some thoughts(7/15/2017)

Came to McDonalds for breakfast.  Thinking of it for a long time.  Wanted to bring a laptop and do some writing as well.   Somebody was calling me out of the corner.  I turned and saw Uncle and Aunt with big smile.  They went to swimming early in the morning, came here for breakfast.  They were going to NH for mall walk afterwards.  Aunt told me to download Macdonald’s app, with coupons!  :D  I will do that! 

I’ve been wanting to come to McDonalds’ and writing for sometime.  Thoughts need to be materialized to see clearly.  Otherwise, the thoughts are like my dreams.  I don’t dream too much, or at least I don’t remember most of them, except the girl I loved, but that only lasts less a second. 

Thoughts are so hard to catch.  Catch and release, I need to release some thoughts as well.  But with this slow tongue, only tune could be sung.  I need to express by typing.  But even by typing, the thoughts still can’t flow smooth and non-stop.  I need to talk about something concrete at first. 

Last night

You must have no idea how happy I was to receive CJ’s message.  I drove back to Jo in frenzy, heart racing, and speeding.  I love that girl.  And yet, I can’t speak.  I can’t act.  I can’t seem to do anything.  The thoughts of her only bring out the thoughts of jealousy, hopeless, and worthless in me.  I love her.  The ultimate goal for love is not to own, but to see her having a life of happiness, satisfaction, adventure, and peace of mind. 

I saw her when Harry left.  She has worry all over her face(Harry drank, I don’t know how much).  I was jealous of Harry.  Very much so.  I was so glad to see Tina there.  I can feel the strength that she brought to CJ.  I was hoping to see Tina as well.  It seemed that CJ invited Tina.  Good girl.  Tina is 7 months pregnant, but Tina is still Tina!  And Jake is still Jake!  Loved it! 

I am sorry, but by writing this, I am filled with all the feeling I mentioned above. 

I had some hard liquors last night.  I was among CJ, Peiring, Jean, Tina, and Jake, the last ones to leave last night.  Jo’s party was fun, especially with the Volleyball.  But my goodness, some people’s shoulders were hurt.  It gave me a chill.  I still want to play volleyball, but how should I protect my shoulder? 

I went to Jo’s house early, to help out a little.  I get to help Jay, Jo’s hubby, to set up volley net and boundary.  I see a very methodical way to set this up.  Very interesting!  It’s almost like I was running through Jay’s mind!  It’s a beautiful thing though.  I like it!  Every step was thought though.  He and Jo are quite different.  They may be called complementary couple?  :p  They share something too though, otherwise, how would be they together?  They are cute together! 

CJ called earlier before I left the party to drive Mr. Wang home.  She was asking if we need cheese for she’s buying some crackers.  We found some brie, and other cheese in the fridge.  I told her, it’s alright, we just need cracker.  After I left Jo’s, I thought that I should take the cheese out of the fridge.  So I called Jo about it.  But she dismissed the idea, for she thought there are enough snacks. 

When I came back to the party, I saw a board of small crumbling of cheese.  I was glee. 

Warehouse

I felt Vic was laughing at me.  He made a joke about me still staying after I said I wanted to leave so many times.  I felt both frustrated and comical as well.  Frustrated, because, I want to leave, badly.  But the fear of leaving was great as well.  I don’t have a job in place yet.  Although I know I can work, but there are still many left to be desired.  I also wanted to go back to school.  I will have to choose.  To make a choice. 

It’s funny because I am the least useful person there.  Anybody left would leave a big hole right now, except me.  I am a clerk working in warehouse, where hard labor was needed, and consistency count.  All the computer work I did there will be replaced by barcode.  Any clerical job I did there would be automated, or filled by a high school student. 

Am I putting myself down?  I think so.  But how should I describe my role in the company?  IT is working invisibly; what he did was a mystery to me. But sitting in that tiny room is like sitting in a prison to me, and when computer go awry, everybody is looking at IT like, what the hell…    The engineers working day and night, in a literal sense, including weekends.  Logistics is working overtime almost every day.  And I heard something called, drop shipments, another mystery to me…  Customer service connects the company and customer directly day in and day out.  Not to mention how much Anne is an integral organic part of logistic, accounting, and warehouse as well!!  The accounting watch over everything, pouring through each transaction, not just big cost from factory, or late cash from customers, small details including shipping cost of 1 package as well!  Vic and Jose are working on designing and executing floor plan, shipping and receiving, general warehouse maintenance.  Bosses, well, they are doing major business decisions that would affect the lives of all above mentioned.  How do I fit in the whole scheme? 

For three years, I worked with Vic on floor plan as well, but I could only use my muscle.  Did I mention muscle?  I don’t have too much.  I worked with Vic, who mentioned one day after meeting with Alex that we need to do inventory count every time when we are picking Enidine.  At first I designed a very simple spreadsheet.  We printed it out on paper and record each transaction.  We started doing  that around the  four quarter of 2015.  After Aaron came to warehouse, in March 2016, we got new toys, 2 Chrome books.  I found out about Google Sheets.  It was a powerful tool for real time collaboration.  I designed a simple spread sheet in Google Sheets.  But alas, I drop the ball after I came back from my vocation after July in terms of keeping with inventory.  Everything seemed to speed up, more container were coming in, more ocean shipments were coming in, and plus new parts and big QTY at the end of year.  On top of that, Polysher and other 3D parts were ramping up as well, although Aaron tried his best to accommodate warehouse by implementing bar code system, quick, centralized shipping labels, and new toys.  But between shipping and receiving, inventory maintenance, and general Warehouse Maintenance and something extra, the whole thing was blown out of proportion.  I was slow to realize how frenzy was for the Warehouse, until Jo started to hire the temps, I finally had to admit, and there were so much we were not able to do before temps.   Starting last quarter 2016, Vic was working on new floor plan, we tried a few things, ATW, Valencia changed locations a few times.  Enidine shelf had new makeover.  So were Polysher and other 3D things.  I tried to streamline all the paperwork, including inventory sheet, packing list, pallet tags, pallet address stickers.  I was a very slow with excel, even slower in decision making.  Bob, our IT gave me tremendous help on the sheet, he put real time inventory on the sheet, which I believe is the quickest way to get accurate WOB and IQC QTY.  From this perspective, I did not really make the sheet, Bob did!  I designed packing list for Enidine.  I am trying to use packing list on Sigcom as well.  That sheet was helped by CJ in the beginning. 

I wish I could do more.  And to tell the truth, I want to feel that I did something.  But from the above paragraph, I did design one sheet, packing list.  But by golly, CJ could do this in less than one sitting…  And right now, a new challenge came up for the packing list which I did not see a way to defeat it yet.  I am thinking…Bob!!!!  When can we standardize QTY per box???

I just asked Bob to see if he could reduce steps in making the inventory sheet.  Because I was trying to teach both Vic and Jose to do the sheet, but I just found out, to make the sheet, it takes at least 12 steps!!  One thing I learned from these 3 years working in warehouse, anything that could be consistently done has to be easy enough to do, to access, and to repeat.  If the procedure is to remain 12 steps, I am not sure this will continue effectively. 

At the end, did I put myself down?  I work in warehouse, I do shipping and receiving; I hope I am a good auxiliary to Vic; I did a lot of transfers, lost a lot of transfer papers as well; I designed 2 spreadsheets to help warehouse, inventory sheet, with help of Bob, and packing list, which soon to be obsolete.  Maybe I could pull myself up a little.  I don’t have to feel so worthless, this is just a job, not enough to make a living, but to structure my life around it.  It is like last night, Tina kept telling me, I like to hustle in the volleyball.  I do like to hustle, I told her that this is the only thing I could do on volleyball court, I could sense she needs to find words to answer me.  I guess my words are meant to be humble, but people are scrambling to find words to reply.  I will say it again here, like Michele once said, I was only doing chores around warehouse.  Yes, hustling is all I really did.  I looked like a busybody, running around like crazy.  But I do say, working with every department is a pleasure.  I do get something in doing that! 

(But frankly, I don’t give a damn.  I just wish I could talk to her, make her relaxed, and I relaxed by her side as well.  I want to play with her, to caress her, just to be with her in general and feeling calm about it.)

I wrote the above sentences before I can really put my last assessment on the (putting down section).  To give an assessment somehow put my uneasy.  I guess I wrote this paragraph to comfort myself.  I still want her though.  Very very much so. 

睡前的靜思 四

媽媽曾說我把自己評得很低賤,所以總是希望得到別人的肯定.  我今天一直在想這句話.  原因就不用贅敘.  我覺得這句話有道理. 

但是, 我今天實在不想在自己裏面兜圈子...  算了.  就算有道理又怎樣? 

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最近看了一本書, Everybody Lies: Big Data, New Data, and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Really Are.  沒看完, 看了個大概.  大體上就是說, 現在 google 和其他網上, 或著電腦收集的資料, 可以讓社會學家真的變成一們科學.  這個原因就是, 人們在網上絲毫不掩飾自己.  即使他們的言詞依然閃爍, 他們卻會用滑鼠點擊, 或者 google 搜尋來展現真實的自己.  

很有趣.  可以再借一次.  

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我還是在醉生夢死.  

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想要知道自己在 Yang's fitness 待了多久...  有無十年...  

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我在想那些我要放棄, 哪些我要堅持...  現在我要放棄上網, 我要堅持睡覺!!!!!!!!!!