Tuesday, June 28, 2016

To memorialize a cup

I am throwing a cup out.  This green cup has been my cup for brushing teeth since I had any memory of teeth and brushing.

My sister used to have one such cup when she's younger.  But she use a different one now.  My mom bought things for us, she never had a cup of her own.  I don't know the reason why I kept this cup for such a long time.  I just never cared about which cup I used, I guess.  I do like this green cup though.

It's a plastic cup, perfect size for brushing teeth.  It's weight like a feather.  It's kind dirty on the outside, and there are some bumps and on the bottom.  But it's quite perfect at the opening.  It has  sticker, I never peeled off.  It said W-3, W-cup, Natural Color, 台南, 穩泰.  I guess it was where it was made.   And I think it's unique that I keep it for such a long time.

The reason I am considering to throw it out is actually two.  The first one is that it's plastic.   The second one is that I want to make some changes around myself. 

It's trivial matters though...  le sigh.



After bowling

I went to bowling with company colleagues last Friday.  It was great.  But it was horrible over the weekend.  My heart was completely stocked with CJ's images.  I was crying on the way home from bowling.  Right at the end of the game, my heart sank.  I can't remember how many times I cried because my head just filled with her images. 

CJ was very good at bowling.  I know she liked it, that's why I called for it at the end of last year.  But I was horrible at arranging outings like this, it takes Da Wei to make the outing come true.  And at  last, I finally saw her in action...

We went to Lao Xi An for dinner.   Me, Tom, Tom's girl friend(Liu Wen), George went to pick CJ's cousin and cousin's boy friend with CJ.  It was always a riot with CJ and George.  CJ's sister(cousin) had a shining eyes.  They both wore, black pants, and white tops.  CJ looked good.

We arrived at bowling at 7.  We played until 9ish.  My mind just go blank, when I want to write this stuff down....



I want to tell her that I like her...really really really like her, really.!  I can't contain with myself.  I cried a second time on Sunday while doing laundry.  I really wish to hug her and give her a big kiss.  But what's the difference between that and how I treat my cat?  My sister asked me then what?  I still can't answer.  It made me look at myself more closely?  No!  I already told my sis, I will not make a move.  I constantly tell myself that CJ and I are way different.  I am just lonely.  She like a life which I can't provide.  I even once dreamed a dream that she was buying a band name bag, I laughed myself out of that dream.  That's how much I know here.  I don't really know her.  But I know myself.  And I hate myself.  I absolutely hate myself. 

I spend half my awaken time trying hard to snap myself out of self loathing and wake myself from staring CJ's images in my mind.  When we were playing bowling.  She sat tightly with me sometimes.  My heart almost melted.  I pretend to let other people sit, trying to get out of the situation.  Otherwise I just want to put my arms around her and kiss her.  Nono, what should I do?  I kept saying it's not fair...  I pine for someone, and someone did not feel a thing...  Why am I sad?  I looked around I have everything...  

During the dinner, CJ was teasing Tom, because his girlfriend was going back to China.  CJ mentioned long distance relationship.  Then her sis reminded her, who is doing the long distance relationship.   I reminded myself often about that fact.  I admire that CJ is doing that. 

But I am insanely jealous.  Insanely. 

Monday, March 21, 2016

丟掉一些東西前

我記錄一些隨手寫的文字.  都是很簡單的想法.  然後我可以把這些筆記或著記事本丟了. 


貓咪貓咪小貓咪
喵喵叫想要吃, 想要跳?
一隻坐著大大眼睛望著你
一隻豎著尾巴, 磨磳, 磨磳,
原來是想吃東西. 


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昨天做了一個夢, 夢中我伸出手去握一個我喜歡的女生的手.  結果突然發現不對.  原來, 東東也睡在被窩裡, 我還真的伸手我握住他的兩隻手, 我突然醒來, 他也被我驚醒兒跳出被窩!  很好笑

三月十一日, 2010

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方孝孺和唐順之, 一個說豫讓, 三諫不從, 當伏劍而死; 一說信陵和如姬當死於王前; 還要加一個王世貞, 他也是藺相如就死... 

全是明朝的文字... 

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Saturday, March 19, 2016

Some thoughts

deadpool:

This is indeed a very fun movie.  a lot of action, and the protagonist is really flashed out.  the action scene of the high way was very impressive.  the whole thing was very raw, i mean it's takes no side steps, from dirty words to violence.  the love story was the anchor, the revenge was the energy to move the story forward.  i don't particularly like the main actor, but he did a great job here.


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white god:

it's a hungarian movie about dogs, especially mutts.  there're some parts of the story that reminded me of the call of wild.  but it turns out an alright movie.  I liked the ending.   i did not think the dog would want to attack the little girl, that bid came as a surprise to me.    I liked the way conflict raised at the end, and how it was handled. 

i found that in many ways, american movie was more wordy than the rest of the world.  in someway...  don't know why. 

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聶隱娘

看不懂,看了一半就看不下去了...  首先, 沒有字幕, 實在聽不大懂他們在講啥.  再來, 整部戲靜的可以, 而且所有的演員都不知道在幹嘛... 

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spectre

it was a fun action flick.  the last female character reminded me of eva green's character.  but somehow, i still like eva's better. 


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steve jobs

with michael fassbender.  the movie was quite alright.  the actor was immense.  i felt he caught the intensity of steve jobs, at least that's what everybody who don't really know him personally would like to think.  

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I read 3 chapters of great soul of siberia.  the writing is really good.  I liked the story of the monk ignored the bird's nest, and birds ignored the monk, then, the birds flourished. 

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Wednesday, March 09, 2016

Cooking concept from CI

The concepts are from the science of good cooking, by cook's illustrated.

1.  Gentle Heats prevents overcooking.

 For large roasts, where exterior meat can easily overcook and dry out before the center reaches the target temp. Low heat is the way to go.  It also retains juices in the meat.  But moisture retention has its downside, the interior may look pale.  (see concept 5.)


2. High heats develops flavor

 Maillard reaction(the French scientist Louis-Camille Maillard)


3. Resting heat maximizes juiciness

 Different size of meat, and different method of cooking the meat, will effect the optimal resting time.  The hotter the heat, the more resting time might benefit.


4. Hot food keeps cooking

The size of the the food, and the amount of heat used for cooking matters.   big chunk of heat will retain more energy in the interior, than say a pork chop.  400 degree will put out more heat than 200 degree, thus after the food left the stove, the internal temp will have effect. 


5. Some proteins are best cooked twice

 Stove top cooking, like searing, gives out great heat in one direction, downside, moisture loss; oven cooking is slow but promote even heat, and retain moisture better.  How to combine the two is essential.


6. Slow heating makes meat tender

The internal temperature is not the sole factor for how tender the meat is, but enzyme in meat, (cathepsins) will help break down the meat tissue to make it tender.  But the temperature have to be held below 122 degree F, for long time.  


7. Cook tough cuts beyond well done

 Tough cuts(like pork tenderloin) has little collagens.  By cooking them beyond well down, the collagens will be converted to gelatin, which can hold 10 times of moisture in weight compared to 1 gelatin.  Thus makes meat more tender.


8. Tough cuts like a covered pots

Braising works by long cooking time and low heat.  It changes the texture of the meat so it taste soft and tender, which makes meat seem moist.

9. A covered pot doesn't need liquid

This one is talking about Dry Braising in the oven, with a covered pot.

10. Bones add flavor, fat, and juiciness

Talking about meat cooked with bone-in.

11. Brining maximizes juiciness in lean meats

Brining meat changes it's structure of protein, which makes meat more tender, retain more moisture, and salt penetrate meat deeper.


12. Salt makes meat juicy and skin crisp

Brine meat makes skin hard to be crispy and browned.  So sometimes, dry salted meat provides different perspective.


13. Salty marinades work best

Salt penetrate further than any other marinades ingredients.  Most of the other ingredients could only affect the surface.  One of the best marinades is soy sauce based, because of it's salty contents.


14. Grind meat at home for tender burger

Home ground meat gives us more choice on textures, fat contents, and flavors.  These elements depend on the cut of meat we choose, how fine we want to grind the meat, and how tightly we want to pack our ground meat.  (Cut the cut of meat to pieces, then put in the freezer for 20-30 minutes, then we can grind them in the food processor.  The book recommend the chuck for best ground beef patties, sirloin comes the second, round is the worst.)

15. A panade keeps ground meat tender

In the book, what they called panade, is a mixture of white bread and milk, mashed up together and becomes homogeneous.  Basically, adding starch into the ground beef, along with milk, which contains lactose, which is  sugar and can help browning the beef patties.


16. Create layers for a breading that sticks

The standard procedure for breading the meat(pork chops or chicken breast), (or coating), flour, egg, then bread crumbs still holds true!  The alternative is switch flour to cornstarch, then swap eggs for buttermilk.  Buttermilk can create a lighter coating compared to egg's sometimes hefty presence. 


17. Good frying is all about oil temperature

 Frying at 325 degree  for french fries is recommended.  Frying oil have at least 5 stages, each stage can produce different results.  Five stage of frying oil: break-in(too fresh), fresh, optimum, degrading, and runaway(dark, smelly, and prove to smoking).  The book recommend a mix of 1 used frying oil to 5 fresh frying oil.  Store the frying oil in air tight container in refrigerator,or in a freezer.  Note:  Exposure to air and light hasten the rate of oxidative rancidification and the creation of off flavor and odors.  But by experimenting between storing in dark cardboard, refrigerator, and freezer for two months, the oil from freezer wins hands down!  So cold temperature is also a huge factor in storing frying oil! 


18. Fat makes eggs tender

On making an omelet, frozen cubed butter in eggs can slow down the coagulation of protein in eggs during cooking.  This will result a tender omelet in texture. 


19. Gentle heat guarantees smooth custards

Custards is a mixture of milk, or cream and egg yolk.  It's main use is for dessert.  Because of the different temperatures of coagulation pf egg yolk and white, a low and slow heating for custards becomes necessary.  The book even suggested water bath method, called bain-marie.  Because water's boiling point never exceeds 212 degrees F, plus the moisture, it's a good way to be egg based dessert creamy and smooth on the surface.


20. Starch keeps eggs from curdling

One more way to keep eggs based dessert from curdling.



21. Whippped egg whites need stabilizers

The cream of tartar, an acid, can alter the electric charge on the proteins of the egg whites, in tern reducing the interaction between protein and molecules.  Although this delays the formation of the foam, the result is a much more stable, and hold more water as well.  The other thing for whipped egg whites is the timing of adding sugar.  Adding too early, the foam will be hard to form, adding too late, then there would be little sugar left for sugar to dissolve.


22. Starch helps cheese melt nicely

Used in anything with a cheese sauce, like macaroni and cheese to lasagna.


23. Salting vegetables removes liquid

No explanation needed...


24. Green vegetables like it hot--then cold

To keep the color?  Can be related to Concept 4.


25. All potatoes are not created equal

They tested red bliss, yukon golds, and russets.  Russets has more starch, they can absorb more water, best for mashed potatoes; the red bliss is on the other end of spectrum, easily holds its shape, absorb less water than russets, best for potato salads.  Yukon is right in the middle.  There's also two different kind of starches involved, Russets has more amylose, red bliss more amylopectin.  Yukon again falls in the middle.



26. Potato starches can be controlled

For mashed potatoes, a light and fluffy finish is important.  By gently mashing potatoes by hand, the sticky starch amylose will not be easily released from the granule.  But amylose can be released using food processor, which cut through if not all but most the  granule.

note: vinegar in water helped potato keeping it's shape, baking soda is the opposite.  


27.  Precooking makes vegetables firmer

(Some) vegetables contain an enzyme called pectin methylesterase, which is active between 140 and 160 degree F.  This enzymes caused the pectin in the cell walls to more readily linked with calcium ions, which are already presented in the the vegetable's structure.  This link causes the pectin to become stronger, making vegetable less prone to break down.  The book experiment on carrots using 3 method, the first one is baked 425 degree F in oven uncovered for one hour.  The second one is covered for 15 minutes, uncovered for 45 minutes in 425 degree F.  The third one is using a water bath cooking carrots for 30 minutes first, then 425 degree F oven for 45 minutes.  The first one lost most water, the third one lost the least.  It helped the to preserve the water and thus create a better texture.

(Browning and caramelization, is different.  caramelization is more for vegetable, it's a chemical reaction with sugar in the vegetables.  Browning involved proteins which is also called maillard reaction.)


28. Don't soak beans, brine them.

The skin of the bean would be tough even  after soaking.  Tough skin on the bean would explode during cooking.  The salt in the brine water will replace the magnesium and calcium ions are replaced by sodium, causing the pectin to breakdown, which soften the skin of bean.    When cooking the bean with a little bit of salt, along with brining bean with salt, the bean will come out smooth skinned, and soft.


29.  Baking soda makes grain and bean soft

Alkaline environment can break down pectin wall.  Just don't use too much.


30. Rinsing(not soaking)  makes rice fluffy

Not so sure about this one...


31. Slicing changes onion and garlic flavor

Because it cuts the cell wall and thus release more flavor.



32. Chile heat resides in pith and seeds

Self explanatory.  :p   To preserve fresh chile, brining (1 Tb of salt per cup of water) is the way to go. 


33. Bloom spices to boost their flavor

Blooming is a technique where you take some spices and heat them up in oil to release and amplify the flavor of the spice.  Other ways to boost the flavor is grinding, and toasting(not for black pepper). 


34. Not all herbs are for cooking

 Some herbs are strong enough to be cooked for a long time and still remain in the dish, ex: rosemary, oregano.  Some are more delicate, like basil, parsley,  and cilantro, that quickly dispersed when cooked. 


35. Glutamates, Nucleotides add meaty flavor

Glutamates(谷氨酸鹽)  (Monosodium glutamate).  Some example:  醬油, 豆瓣醬, 味精 cheese, 番茄...

 Nucleotides(核苷酸)

Chicken, Pork, anchovies has certain nucleotides, inosinate, that can amplify the glutamates.  


36. Emulsifiers make smooth sauces

 Emulsifier is something that can combine water and oil.  Examples of Emulsifier, egg yolk, mayonnaise, mustard. 


37. Speed evaporation when cooking wine

Cooking temperature and time, as well as additional ingredient that can absorb liquid, will greatly impact final alcohol content.


38. More water makes chewier bread

The book showed 50%, 68%, and 80% hydration in dough.  The difference is very visible.  80% hydration cannot rise at all.  There're holes, but not rise.  50% hydration has not holes, but holds the shape together like a fist.  68% looks like a normal bread.   Depending on the preference on chewiness, the book made a pizza dough using 90% hydration dough!  (Interesting note:  internal temperature for baking bread is less consequencial than the appearance!)


39. Rest dough to trim kneading time

Full aware of this concept...  This is however, an irreplaceable concept.  The book thinks that adding salt after autolys is a better way to go.  They also experiment on which stage to freeze the dough yields the best result.  The result is between 1st proof and 2nd proof. 


40. Time builds flavor in bread

Time and Temperature, put the bread dough in the refrigerator so it yeast will work longer, slower, produce more flavor.

(side note:  refrigerate maple syrup once it opened.)



41. Gentle folding stops tough quick bread

 Mixing batter or dough leads to gluten formation.  So, depending on the preference, don't mix too much.


42. Two leaveners are often better than one

Baking soda is an alkali, it can interact with an acidic ingredient, eg, buttermilk, produce CO2.  Baking powder will can create bubbles when heated in the oven.  Baking soda also created a more alkaline environment and triggered maillard reaction too.  


43. Layers of butter make flaky pastry

Use techniques like, lamination, or fraisage to make flaky dough.  


44. Vodka makes pie dough easy

The gluten have a hard time to form when alcohol is present.  Vodka works wonder here.  


45. Less protein makes tender cakes, cookies

Watch the protein content for flour.  Making cakes and cookies can use a mix of cake flours and all purpose, no bread flour.


46. Creaming butter helps cakes rise

Creaming butter in cool temperature will help them to hold air.  The room temperature butter will have harder time to hold air.


47. Reverse cream for delicate cakes

Reverse cream is mixing fat and flour together so to prevent gluten formation.  But I need to know more about this method...


48. Sugar changes texture(and sweetness)

White sugar can produce crispy cookies and brown sugar will produce chewy ones.


49. Sugar and time make fruit juicier

Added sugar can draw out juice from fruits, change its texture as well.  I consider this concept weird...  :p  

50. Cocoa powder delivers Big flavor

Cocoa power can give out chocolate flavor not even dark chocolate can deliver.

Tuesday, March 01, 2016

how is grandpa and few other daily encounters

外公想要回蘇州.  這是媽媽上個星期五給我寫的紙條.  所以媽媽一從老年中心回來, 接到佩蘭阿姨的來電, 就趕去舅舅家.  我星期五晚上去了舅舅載了老王去 costco 買麵粉, 然後回到舅舅家.  舅媽就和我說了這件事.  外公趁著舅舅和舅媽在吃早餐, 從房間裡走出來, 說有人故意到我房間裡把東西弄亂, 這擺明就是要我離開這裡!  我要回蘇州!  舅媽說外公在說這些話的時候, 是用國語說的.  舅媽認為這擺明是說給她聽的.  我是同意這種說法的.   後來媽媽也從房間裡出來, 加入談話.  媽媽出來把夾心餅乾調和在牛奶裡.  我後來聽到舅舅怎麼和外公說, 外公不能回蘇州.  舅舅說現在外公太老了, 美國政府不讓他坐飛機了.  外公聽了就不高興, 說這是甚麼話, 我要到警察局去理論去!  後來舅舅又說現在機票太貴了, 要回去的話機票就要三萬元.  舅舅說我現在每個月才賺一千塊, 外公是美國政府提供的六百塊, 要湊三萬元要等到啥時哩?  外公說如果他繼續待在這裡, 他就要癡子症了... 

媽媽說如果外公再繼續想要回蘇州的話, 他就要來寫信.  舅媽說外公只是要 attention 才這樣說的.  舅媽覺得媽媽說的都沒甚麼用, 外公一定不聽的. 

隔天,我又去舅舅家,這次我是去做稅.  媽媽中午給外公做了很好喝的湯, 用大骨頭熬, 又用番茄燉煮.  我也吃了一小碗.  所以我知道.  可是到了一點的時候, 媽媽到樓上來給我看他寫的信.  原來, 他以為外公吃得好好的, 不會再提回蘇州的事了.  但是吃完飯, 外公問媽媽晚上會否在這裡吃飯.  媽媽說他要回家, 晚上舅舅會在.  外公馬上就說, 要再和舅舅說回蘇州的事.  媽媽一聽就寫說, 我們都不希望你回去...(之後我會把信抄錄上來,如果還找得到的話.) 外公也不再說啥了. 

舅舅舅媽和陳瑞紅, 林再榮謝立言,還有胡熒和吃完飯後回來.  媽媽覺得外公不再提回蘇州了, 她做了一件滿不錯的事.  就和舅舅和舅媽提.  舅舅沒說啥.  舅媽卻在一旁不斷說媽媽做得真得是好了.  舅舅和舅媽都讀了這封信, 舅媽說要把它貼起來.  以後外公再提, 就拿出來給他看. 

或許這件事就此謝幕.  但是, 我每次看到這種舅媽和媽媽的交流就感覺心寒.  媽媽似乎總是要別人說好, 舅媽又很會做表面工夫...  我感覺媽媽是知道的, 但是, 她在表面上得到了舅媽得讚許, 又好像很高興...  媽媽寫的都是真實的感受, 而且實實在在的理由.  可是, 舅舅的理由總是迂迴.  媽媽說的, 能得到別人的肯定, 那是多麼好...  我完全贊同, 也深有同感.  可是這情形實在令我覺得難堪. 

外公的物質生活是舅舅他們, 但是, 在心靈上, 外公很依靠媽媽.  實際上, 媽媽煮食啥都想到外公能不能吃.  冷也好, 熱也好, 也都像到外公.  可是又很受不了外公的批評.  我覺得這真是奇怪, 或許也不奇怪... 

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Burnt

I liked the movie.  The kitchen scenes of a high end professional restaurant was really authentic.  It brought the tension out really nicely.  I really liked the fact that it did not use sex scene to express love.  And yet, I can feel tenderness in the air. 

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Boxtrolls

I liked this movie as well.  It's both disgusting and cute!  lol  How do they manage this is in itself something worth watching!  I really liked the movie!  It's like an innocent kid, or a innocent adult as well, using a big paint brush doing a portrait of themselves!  lol 

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我昨天下班時跑到亞倫那兒去要被退的鏡筒.  去的時候實際上還想要一個鏡筒模型的清單.  但是, 亞倫不願意給.  他的用詞裡一直說 "他" 不許我查鏡筒.  這個他不是指亞倫.  所以我就問這個他是誰.  他用說整個流程根本不清楚, 所以基於這個理由他也不願意給.  我當時就為了這給或不給的問題給僵住了.  鏡銅名冊的事也忘了.  最後我說, 就算不給我做, 也得把所有的鏡銅集中在一塊.  大偉也早就在旁邊關注我們的談話.  亞倫後來急著要走了, 就帶我到他放鏡筒的地方.  我後來就把放在倉庫裡的鏡筒拿出來和其他鏡筒放在一起. 

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

just some thoughts

I lend Vic Bridge of Spy yesterday.  He watched it last night.  I asked him about the movie this movie.  His reaction was a surprise to me, he said it's ok, but a lot of  "blah".  I liked the movie alright, my mom like it a bit more than I.   But Vic's "blah" comment impressed me.  It somehow gave me a feeling of what Donal Trump would react to the movie, especially the speech in the Supreme Court. 

I liked the movie alright because it was really quite interesting with Tom Hanks and Mark Rylance's performance.  The writing of these two characters were really stand out too.  This is a long movie.  But I don't feel hurried, or too slow.  The pacing grabbed me at the right time.  I also liked the East German's portrayal in the movie.  They were of a jester role, but I can feel that helplessness in all of them.  They are the only one that was made fun of in the movie.  Not Russian this time.  Compared to the white night's portrayal of Russian. 

Why did Vic's reaction  give me an impression?  I guess that the movie had a message, and it's quite clear too.  Many reviews pointed it out as well.  There is nothing wrong with the message.  It's just seldom applied in reality.  So...it's more like a advertising line.  Because in reality, just like the most people in the movie, people will never admire spies, not then, not now. 

However, I still like the message though.  I liked the ideals.  To admire the opponents, not him personally, but admire the qualities, stand firm with his cause, never turn away from the battle, never lose dignity... 

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We have a new procedure at work.  It's about RMA Scopes.  For 2 years now, I was inspecting those scopes.  Sometimes we ship some warranty scopes back to customer.  But Jon wants get a better tie with the customer, he wanted us to take entire RMA scopes from the customer.

I first heard of this back December.  Frank had a meeting about it yesterday with customer service, engineer, and warehouse.  I don't really know what to ask, or what to say at all.  So most of the time I was just listening.  I asked a question in the mid of meeting, but then I got to go back to work in warehouse.  My question must be stupid, because everyone was looking at me funny.  lol 

The first such scope came today.  And it already is a fuzzy case.  First of all, it's not our scope.  I thought I just inspected it like before.  It seemed fine to me.  Then,  I decided to show it to the engineers.  First I thought of Aaron, but he's not here today.  So I showed it to Wei.  Then Wei showed it to Alex to determine if this is our product of not.  That's where it get interesting. 

Alex seemed a bit frustrated.  He asked for the result of the meeting from yesterday.  Wei showed him a set of rules or procedures Aaron and Wei typed yesterday.  Then Alex said he did not care about those details.  The most important thing he asked Wei was "why does Engineer involved in this procedure."  He repeatedly asked this question. 

That's an interesting question.  Because before this, for the past 2 years, RMA scope only go through me and Customer service.  I don't know how often Aaron reviewed the report I printed.  But I doubted it would often.  So yes, why would Engineer be involved in this? 

In Alex's mind, when we get the defect scope from end customer of RMT, we immediately shipped one out back to that end user.  The defect was for me to inspect at my leisure.  And to gather the possible cause and quantity, if the defect had some kind of trend, or some huge quantity suddenly showed up.  Then and only then, the Engineer should be alarmed.

I know from yesterday's meeting that as long as the quantity does not exceeds 1-2% of our production, this would be fine.  However, the actual procedure, it's murky.  

I found it's interesting to hear Alex saying we wasted our time at the meeting.  We did not ask sensible questions.  To me, personally, with murky procedures, and still so much questions on the table.  It is true.  The meeting was a bust. 

The procedure should  be two prong. 
  • One is purely customer service.  Not taking of RMT, but their end users.  Fast respond time, quick and accurate decision on which replacement scope to send. 
  • Second one is internal monitoring for the type of defects, and quantity.  
The first one should only involved Anne, maybe occasionally Frank.  The procedure should be to find a way to notify Anne that we have an RMA scope shipped in.  For this part, Frank need to give both Customer service and Warehouse a copy of the list of tickets.  So Anne would know End user's address.  For warehouse, so we could input in the datasheet with ticket number, Receiving date, Defect type, QTY received.  Then warehouse would pick out the replacement scope, if warehouse could not find a replacement scope, then, engineer will be needed.  After that we received picking ticket from Anne.

The second should be a periodic things.  After certain period (to be determine), the datasheet  should be forwarded to the responsible engineer(to be determine) for review.

But Vic mentioned another great point yesterday at the meeting, how are we going to dispose the defect scopes?  Need further discussion.

Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working?  Why am I working? 


--------------------------------------------------------------


I wish CJ was here.  I leave work, drive on the road.  I found myself talking to her.  I was sitting at the table, I found myself thinking of her.

But it's all an illusion.  Grand illusion.  That little girl....  I so wish to hug her, cheek to cheek.  

Monday, February 01, 2016

Turn turn turn

Turn Turn Turn
(Judy Collins version)
Music: Pete Seeger
Lryics:  Pete used Book of Ecclesiastes, Bible

"Turn! Turn! Turn!"

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late!

Saturday, January 23, 2016

電影關後趕

When Marnie was there(思い出のマーニー)

I did not expect too much of the movie.  The first I noticed the movie was through its theme song.  It's haunting, even now.  I loved the movie very much!  There were two mysteries in the story.  The protagonist was one, and her experience throughout the story arc was the second one. To me personally, I felt I could identify with the protagonist's feeling.  The guilt, the self pitying, and the revulsion of realizing some of the thoughts inside, and all of the above created a emotionless surface.   She however, met a girl about her age.  They became fast friends.  Both girls radiant mystery.  

The drawing and music was amazing.  Let me just get these two out.  Absolutely gorgeous!  The sound effect was such that it pounded my heart even when I don't really have a surround sound.  The two girls were such different characters.  The other characters like the couple were endearing as well.  

But what should I say about the movie.  What was I feeling?  It made me tossing and turning last night.  I had a hard time getting into sleep.  I felt kind awkward about the two girls kept hugging each other.  Don't know why I felt it's  a bit lesbian tendency.  Even now when I thought back, I still felt awkward.  I guess that complete openness between two characters are kind weird.  Until the end when the secret was out that Marnie was the girl's grandmother, I seemed to relieve.  I was surprised to find myself writing the above thoughts.  The surprise was not that I felt weird about two girls hugging, but the surprise that I wrote it down.  lol  

It did made me tossing and turning for at least 2 hours last night.  I felt sad.  Maybe I am jealous.  That closeness to a person so completely, no matter how happy, how sad, or how guilty I felt, nothing could separate between the two.  But it came with an effort, no?  The girl has to forgive first?  Yes.  

I loved the couple Anna(the protagonist) moved in with.  They provide a sense of stability, loyalty, and openness.  

At the end of the movie, Anna gained her family back, Marnie stayed, her mother stayed, and most importantly, even when Anna is alone,  I felt that there were people living in that heart of hers, and it's love.  

--------------------------------------------------

Mr. Holmes.  

I saw this one about 12 at noon today.  It was a really good movie.  The characters were all filled with complexity.  The movie was about Mr. Holmes at age of 93 trying to figure out why he quit the detective practice 30 years ago.  The way to do this was trying to recall the last case he took.  However, his memory was failing him.  I saw a movie critique called this movie "still Sherlocke".  What a clever remark!  But to me it's a lot better than Still Alice, way better.  

 Let me say this first, the cinematography was fantastic.  I just saw 思い出のマーニー, and I could not stop comparing the two.  It may be weird to compare a real life movie to an anime.  But it was a compliment, I think.  The actors here really brought the characters to life!  

Now, what was my feeling on the movie?  When the ending was rolling, a phrase, "practice being kind, rather than being right." showed up in my head.  It's a line from the movie, "the silver lining play book".  

Ian Mckellen was an amazing Sherlocke Holmes.  His performance switched between a 70 years old man and 90 years old man was astounding.  Such contrast was amazing to me, it's so endearing to me since my 90 year grandpa moved back in the state.  It was endearing performance, also a reminder as well.  The mother and the kid were acted out perfectly.  They provide great dimension to the story.  

It's weird.  I thought I would have more to say.  But right now I searched nothing.  The only thing I still want to say is that it's a very good movie.  lol  




Saturday, January 16, 2016

results

媽媽今早打電話來提到他寄給我和我妹看的健康 2.0 影片.  這一集裡提到油漱口.  她說不確定有無寄給我妹, 所以她叫我再寄一次.  我昨晚才到我妹家, 她提到了媽媽最近寄了一些影片.  她的口氣裡好像不太想看. 但是在電話裡,我沒有和媽媽說. 我心裡是覺的這不用做了. 

我剛剛又突然想想, 媽媽會否知道小瑋其實不大看她寄的影片?  如果她知道但是還是會想到要寄, 似乎很奇怪.  因為以結果來說, 是沒有啥好預期的.  但是, 會否像 歌林多前書十三章裡提到的:  凡 事 包 容 , 凡 事 相 信 , 凡 事 盼 望 , 凡 事 忍 耐 。

我通常視結果成敗來決定我的行動.  雖說有時候, 在逆境時, 我會好像有種接受並迎接挑戰的心態.  可是大部分時候, 成敗的想法又決定了我的猶豫不前最重要因素.  我以為我看到了結果. 做了結果或許仍沒有, 但是不做是不能有結果的.  

這是老生常談.  可是我在想, 為啥媽媽還是這樣做呢?  或許是因為愛吧.  很多因素加在裡面, 才能顯出來.  愛卻是一切的源頭.  老生常談只是理性上的理解, 在我身心上還不能發揮.  

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Tomorrowland impression

I watched Tomorrowland.  It was  really good movie, although the ending was not good.  From the beginning, it really grabbed my attention with many twists and mystery.  There were two girls in the movie, one is mystery, the other is the guide for audience.  The guide was really good.  I was awed and twisted with guide.  The mystery girl was incredible.  The composer she displayed on screen really went beyond her age.  The pace of the movie was excellent until the end.  GC of course, was not bad either. 

The ending was sad though.  It created a mysterious world throughout the film, but could not bring it to life in the end.  The theme of the movie reminded me of another one.  But I can't remember the movie. 

The reason I watched this movie was purely because of its trailer.  The first trailer was really awesome!  :) 

Sunday, January 10, 2016

two movies impression

I rewatched rocky last night.  I really liked it!  I think the theme was simple, the focus was very monotonous.   But it flashed out with substance and emotion.  Compare to Creed, I felt I can empathize with Rocky than Creed.  I felt I can understand Rocky and his people around him better. 

------------------------------------

Stardust

I remembered I watched it once.  But somehow, it was not impressive at the time.  I remembered that I had other things in my mind.  Or, I was doing something at the same time.  So I was not impressed. 

But man, oh, man, it's such a good fantasy movie.  Very classic story line, awesome chemistry between characters, and most importantly, there's humor, which did not take you out of the movies!  I felt I was taken out the movie by some of the humor in the Princess bride. 

I like Stardust!  The story was a boy trying to charm his first love by getting a falling meteorite.  But by crossing a wall by his village, he entered a magical realm, thus his adventure began.   The image captured here, landscape, daily life, I can feel the weight and wear, grandeur and color in almost every shot.  The characters are likable as well!  The magic in the movie felt realistic and fun. 

A truly great movie! 

Friday, January 08, 2016

Still alice's endings.

I don't know why, but I thought the movie's ending was bad.   I liked the book's ending better.  But I could be wrong, no? 

One ended with families still together, the other ended with one left for its career. 

Really don't like the career pursuing one.  But again, would it be regretted if not pursuing career? 


somet thoughts

I kept wondering about one thing.  How come I work so hard at work place, but when I come home, I changed to something else?  Whatever I worked on at work place was not mine.  When it came to what is really mine, I slack off!  Outrageous!! 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I told Vic that I was going to watch ant-man at the end of work, 2 days ago.  He said he hasn't watched it yet.  Like usual, I expressed my surprise.  He must have thought it funny.  So he said he will watch it that night after work and we will have something to talk about.  I thought it was a funny idea. 

He did not mention the movie yesterday.  I thought it must've been a joke.  I said something in the end of day.  Yeah, he must've been joking.  And yet, I carried for two days. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------


Still Alice Impression

I read Still Alice a couple months ago.  It was a good book to read, really.  The author has an easy and crisp style.   I felt like whatever author wanted to convey, I could easily grasp them.  The characters are well defined, they all have a distinct feels.

There are many things impressed me in that book.  But there's one thing I kept going back.  The distance the husband showed when he found out that it's true and irreversible fact.  He seemed to want to try to stay as before, like nothing had happened.  He even want to change the environment and career with his wife!  It seemed so inconsiderate to the sick.

I felt like I've seen it somewhere.  Getting distance does not necessarily mean to be far away.  My silence could also meant that.  My ignorance of life could mean the same thing as well.  This drives me nuts.  I wish  I could be more passionate, more filled with joy.  Above all,  I wish I could feel compassionate towards my mother.  I felt I must be aloof and distance towards her.  For, I am silent around her, and ignoring life at the same time.  It must make her felt insecure deeply.

Uncle once said something, it seems to me that he meant there are a lot of stuff, he wanted to accomplish, but could not.  It could be due to time, or slacking off, or something else.  I felt that too.  I always have some ideas popped into my mind, but after a while, I'd forget what it was.  Then there would be times when I felt I got nothing to do and lonely, I would be scratching my head, pulling my hair, heart and belly all boiling, without knowing what to do!  I need to make a to do list.  So when those times come, I  could held my list and at least, knowing that I had options!

By doing the above thing, what I wished to accomplish was, by doing those things, I could felt a bit useful, strengthening my psychological fortitude, by not forgetting what I meant to do.  Not the things, the company requires of me, not the things my family requires me, or friends, for that matter.  But something I wish to do!  I hope I could find out it, are them worth it, or not.  If it's worth it, keep it; if it's not, kick it.

The passion for life, must be deep within.  Through action, by completing them, I hope a visualization would keep the inner fire burning.  

Monday, January 04, 2016

Because of her

漫畫:

Beck 搖滾新樂團
排球少年

電影:

ant man

Sunday, January 03, 2016

Some thoughts

Mr. Wang is my grandfather's helper during the week day.  My mom kept asking him if he want to go to congregation.  He said yes on Friday.  So mom called April to schedule a ride.  However, it turned out that my sis cannot go today.  April wanted to arrange a bother to take Mr. Wang.  But Mom immediately said no.  She said, Jack will do it.  Her exact wording was: "如果我叫小杰去, 小杰就會做..." This bugged me.  And I immediately told her after she ended her call with my sis. 

The result was she could not sleep last night.  I was still bugged and disgusted with myself about revealing this to her.  I do want to please her, and like I told her, I will do it almost no matter what anyway.  Why would I reveal that to her?  This caused 2 things, she can't sleep, I felt disgusted about myself. 

However, that line really bugged me.  I still think that I am constantly looking for comfort.  Anything that could comfort me.  Just about anything.  This low self esteem thing really needs to go!  I kept trying to find out what I want.  I am still trying!  Because I thought if I know that, I would make myself a better person.  I could stand tall with other people, psychologically. 

I felt really short when compared to whoever!  I tried to comfort myself with stories I created.  But it failed again and again.  Because a dream is a dream, I am still here, could not go and do anything!  I dreamed of having a girl like CJ or Nono.  But when I see myself. that disgust would not go away.  I am not a complicated guy.  I am not that deep.  I thought if I could figure what I want to do, and go for it.  Dedicated myself to it.  I would be more complete.  I'd be happy, my mom would happy.  And I could maybe try to find a girl like CJ or Nono.  I don't know what I want to do!  16 years ago, I sat on the mud room's step, back to my mom, and said to her, I don't know what I want to do.  Today, I still am.  If anything, I'd wish for a hug and a kiss from CJ right now. But by golly, that thoughts was horrible!  I keep shaken my head sometimes, trying to shake it off.  The more I look at her, the more I am more obsessed.  That cannot be the only thing I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I feel I could do more.  But maybe I can't.  I record some thoughts here, and yet, when I reflected back, those thoughts are shallow at best, utterly not understandable at worst! 
--------------------------------

Anyway, I gotta learn to filter what to say!  Before I even said it!  That report said that I used a lot of energy to suppress feelings.  But how to let those feeling out, without hurting anybody?!  I know I did try hard not to touch sadness and anger, but it seems the more I tried, the more I failed!  The emotion for withholding sadness and anger must be fear.  So the only thing I could display is smile, or utter reclusive. 

JediAcademy impression

I just finished the game first time since I bought it long ago.  I think the game was really well designed.  In terms of combat, I did not like it though.  I had a hard time controlling the movements.  I cannot see which swing I used to kill my opponents!  But different kind of forces was fun to play. 

The platforming part of the game was alright.  It had some kind of design, but not whole lot.  The game designers used this mechanic for finding secret areas.  But there's no design for flow or rhythm in them.  I don't really like the jumping mechanics either.  It has a flowing through air feel to it.  But it was much better designed than Oni.  Oni has only flipping, but here, in Jedi Academy, you could do vertical wall run, in theory...  Because I still cannot control it, not sure if it's text sensitive.  JA have better level design, so you could really use force jump sometimes, unlike Oni...  All that sliding and flipping, were wasted. 

Overall, it's a more complete package, compared to Oni.  But the combat really bugs me.  It's too fast and flashy for my taste.  If I do more practice, maybe I could get a feel for it.  But  I don't really have incentive to do so though.  


Saturday, January 02, 2016

Yesterday we karaoke

My sis and her husband came for karaoke yesterday.  we first used ps2, it was really fun.  Then we used youtube and roku combo for chinese song.  It was really good too.  I've been wanting to do that for sometimes now.  It was great. 


南掌

Review for Southpaw

自從看了 trailer  後, 我就想看這部電影.  但是, 當光碟出來時, 我又猶豫了.  因為我滿確定這多半很老套.  幾個月前, Vic 早上的時候突然問我, 有無看過 Southpaw?  我說還沒有, 他說你應該會喜歡喔.  於是, 我去圖書館預定了.

在這期間, 我也去看了 Creed.  所以在看這部電影時, 我似乎有意無意的在比較這兩部電影給我的感覺.

我很喜歡 Southpaw.  非常喜歡.  我覺得這部電影給我的感覺比 Creed 更實在.  Southpaw 在講一個拳擊冠軍的故事.  他從冠軍因為一個意外事件, 再加上他個性上的問題, 他失去了他所珍重的一切.  在最谷底的時候, 他得到了一個人幫住,  他再次站上拳壇.

這是多麼俗套的劇情?!  可是, 從電影開始到結束, 我幾乎沒有離開螢幕. 演員的努力是不可不提的.   Jake 的演技真是一流.  他上一部電影是 Nightcrawler.  他在電影裡把整個人改變形象.  他所改變得不是化妝, 而是行為態度.  這一改變實在令我大吃一驚.   在部電影裡, 他在一次的嘗試改變行為方式.  我覺得仍是很成功的.  也很令我佩服.  Jake 和 Forest 的搭配, 我覺得更是令人激賞的地方.  Forest 始終都是很棒的演員.  他有他的味道.  在幾個過場裡, 他和 Jake 的對話, 是整部電影裡點睛之處!  要讓電影重俗套中活化, 就得有配得上的對白.

不斷提到俗套劇情是因為, 這種電影幾乎在開始時就是已經知道結果了.  甚至幾番的波折之處, 在影迷的腦海裡也早就釐出了套路.  電影一開始的成功, 主角開始墮落, 主角在谷底得到精神上的激發, 又從此成功.  還要加上愛情的套路等等.  這部電影裡都出現了.  但是我並不被這些俗套影響, 這關鍵就在對白上, 道出了某種與我內心所有的共鳴.  譬如說, 主角在意外發生後, 因為自己個性上的缺失, 造成了失去一切生活上的種種, 甚至造成父女分離.  Forest 的角色在關鍵的過場裡, 提出了我也有的想法.  在那個蒼老疲累的聲音裡, 這問題不斷痛刺主角的內心, 從而激活他的自我意識! 另外, 就父女分離的劇情部分, 無論是那位演女兒的女角, 還是 Jake, 還是 Forest, 每個過場都有其目的. 在我眼裡, 我似乎也都可以感受到每一個鏡頭的重量.  俗套與否, 已經被真實有物的對話內容充淡.

我也上 youtube 看看相關的訊息.  才知道 Southpaw 的主角一開始是 Eminem!  我也才了解為啥 Jake 在詮釋這個角色上和 Nightcrawler 相比有點拘束.  但是這是很有趣的訊息.

---------------------

和 Creed 相比, 我更喜歡 Southpaw.  Creed 的故事是不錯的題材.  可是我總覺得好像少了甚麼.  我無法在感情上得到立足點吧.  我並不覺得主角讓我感動.  史特龍在我認為更是這部戲的亮點.

搞錯了一輩子了...

芥末與山葵

一般人在吃生魚片時,免不了要沾一下醬油及芥末。這種一般台灣人稱之為「芥末」的綠色泥狀的調味料日文叫作「わさび」(wasabi),日文漢字表記為「山葵」。
在吃納豆的時候,納豆的盒子中經常會附有一包類似醬油的「つゆ」的液體調味料以及一包黃色的調味醬。這種黃色的調味醬的日文叫作「わがらし」(wagarashi) ,日文漢字表記為「和辛子」或「和芥子」。
又,吃熱狗的時候,除了蕃茄醬以外,經常還有一種黃色的調味醬。這種黃色的調味醬的英文是「mustard」,日文叫作「マスタード」,也有人稱為「ようがらし」(yougarashi),日文漢字表記為「洋辛子」或「洋芥子」。
不論是「わがらし」或是「ようがらし」,都是由芥菜的種子磨成粉後所製成的調味料。國語辭典中對「芥末」的解釋就是「用芥菜子研細的粉末,味辛辣, 常用作調味料」。因此,嚴格地來說,吃生魚片時所沾的綠色的調味料並不是「芥末」,而是一種用「山葵」這種植物的根磨成泥的調味料 (感覺起來就像是把蘿蔔磨成泥的樣子)。真正的「芥末」應該是吃納豆、吃熱狗時所附的黃色調味料。
至於「わがらし」和「ようがらし」的差別只是一個是日本的調味料,一個是歐美的調味料。只是正好兩種調味料都是用同芥菜的種子製成的。同一種植物在 不同的地方的生長狀態多少會有所不同,而每個人在製作調味料時的手法也可能會有一點不一樣,所以「わがらし」和「ようがらし」多少會有一些微妙的不同。但 是兩種調味料幾乎可以說是同一種東西。

(錄自:  http://umesakura.jp/20050524183105.html)

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Vic and door

There is a 2 panel door between warehouse and engineers' office.  It's been dysfunction-ed lately which cannot stay closed.  I noticed the problem a while ago.  I even fancied myself to find the solution for it.  But I merely just looked at the latch bolt, strike, and lip.  The latch bolt was very far away from both strike and lip.  I kept looking at latch, strike, and lip without noticing other places.  With that rate, I gave up easily.  I can't think of a way to pull both doors closer so latch would touch strike.  

Sofya asked me to ask Vic to fix the door a few weeks ago.  I must have forgotten to tell Vic.  Sofya asked me today again.  So I bring Vic's attention to it since it's pretty light today.  When Sofya was telling me about the door, she had an interesting observation, that the crack between two door panels were not even.  It's closer on the top and further apart towards the bottom.  Immediately I thought that must be because when I park the pallets along the wall, it's easy to push into the wall sometimes.  And the door frame that attached to that side of the wall must moved by the impact.  However, Sofya doubted it.  Right now, I doubted it too.  Because Vic and I dead bolted big wooden log along the wall to prevent the impact. 

Anyway, Vic went and took a look as I was telling him Sofya's observation about the crack.  He agreed with the observation.  At the same time, kept looking at the door frame, and soon noticed a strike mark under one of the door panel.  Something must have clicked in his head.  He asked for the small piece of metal, which he found at a nearby table.  Once he made sure it's a defected parts, he used that metal piece and put between one of the door panel near the bottom hinge against the frame, and jammed the door panel on the metal piece a few times.  It's not a fast movement, more like a squeeze.   After about three times, the doors latched on with each other.  That was quite amazing to me.  I even told Anne later.

A few things I noticed, one is that when I tried to find the problem, I did not notice the uneven crack.  I merely looked at the most obvious problem, latch and strike.  The other thing was that I also made a conclusion on why things what happened.  Even now, I still don't know how this happened.  But the problem was solved!

Most interesting.  What can I learn from this?  I like to gather a lot of data before I make a choice, especially when I buy things.  But when facing a problem, I don't spend enough time to observe, or I just narrowed my attention to the most obvious problem, or the most shallow one.  Then, finding a reason seemed to somehow satisfied me.  It seemed that once  I had a reason, I could ignore the problem?!  lol!

Most interesting!  

Saturday, December 12, 2015

The Song of Wandering Aengus

The Song of Wandering Aengus

William Butler Yeats

I went out to the hazel wood, 
Because a fire was in my head, 
And cut and peeled a hazel wand, 
And hooked a berry to a thread; 
And when white moths were on the wing, 
And moth-like stars were flickering out, 
I dropped the berry in a stream 
And caught a little silver trout. 

When I had laid it on the floor 
I went to blow the fire a-flame, 
But something rustled on the floor, 
And some one called me by my name: 
It had become a glimmering girl 
With apple blossom in her hair 
Who called me by my name and ran 
And faded through the brightening air. 

Though I am old with wandering 
Through hollow lands and hilly lands, 
I will find out where she has gone, 
And kiss her lips and take her hands; 
And walk among long dappled grass, 
And pluck till time and times are done 
The silver apples of the moon, 
The golden apples of the sun. 
 

Tuesday, December 01, 2015

CasinoRoyale

I rewatched Casino Royal.

I did not remember anything from that movie, until I saw a trailer showing the parkour chasing scene.  I remembered that I liked it.  So I decided to watched it again.

 The chasing scene was still the best part of the movie.  However, the dialogue was quite good too.  But I really need to concentrate on it to get something out of it.  Not only because of the accent, I think it's also because they way they speak.  They seemed to always skip a step in the  conversation.  That's how smart people talk.  That's how smart the screen writer was .  Not a good thing to say, really, kind of reflected on me...  lol 

The story arch was kind too easy.  I mean whenever the movies used secret organization story line, I felt cheated.  That reminded me of 孫悟空和金角銀角的故事...  Now, that story was funny as hell.  But I thought 007 was quite serious, but by using that kind of scenario, and the series kept going on and on.  It's just cheap. 

As a stand alone movie though, Casino Royal was awesome.  I like this actor better.  I loved the scene where the agent woke up from the disaster, and was talking to the girl.  When girl said something, the agent replied.  Immediately, I could see him armored himself up with a smile.  The girl pointed it out immediately.  Then, the agent truly opened himself up.  That was such a true moment.  I think everything before was culminating towards that moment.  Although the ending was messed up with secret society thing.  That scene cannot be reduced by the ending. 


Monday, November 30, 2015

random

You must think that this thing passed.  But it did not.  I know. 

There's nothing to do to boast ourselves.  Who's we? 

This morning, Mom was very angry at me.  For I said she's always said something inconsiderate.  The scenario was like this.  Mom cooked noodle for breakfast this morning.  I filled my bowl myself and added a chicken dish on top of the noodle.  She was right besides me when this happened.  She asked if I put chicken in my first bowl when I was getting my second bowl of noodle.  She quickly concluded herself that I must have not taken the chicken dish the first time.  I was annoyed by that saying.  For I did, and she was right besides me!  So I talked back, how come she said I didn't take the chicken the first time?  She needn't saying that at all.  The wording was really bad.  Further, I added, she's always like this. 

She's pissed off immediately.  She said:  her intention was for me to have a full stomach.  She shouldn't say anything at all!  She is the most inconsiderate when it came to other people's feeling?!  You are a sensitive young man, you think that by saying that I did not trust you...?  It's your own problem, if you think that way! 

I was upset.  Very upset.  Why did I use the word, always?  I got more upset, because it is partially true that I don't think she trust me.  And yet, she won't admit it.  When this trust issue, I know I have problem, for I really felt guilty about her situation.  I really am.  I know at least half of the fault was mine.   I mean, she being unhappy and all.  But of course, this is a problem I need to deal with.  For she is a simpler human being than me.  She can let things go.  Or on the surface. 

But there are other things.  I felt that she's right besides me when I took the chicken the first time.  How  could she forget about that???  I felt ignored.  Of course, it probably is normal on her part.  She might not really see  the action.  She could be distracted.  Or she simply just blurted out something.  Ok, that last one was my imagination again. 

I just wish I could shut my mouth and smile and nod, and eat my noodle.  Thanks her for the such a wonderful meal.  Now, I felt I am a little sarcastic.  What about my feeling?  MY feeling is my own problem.  I need to learn how to deal with it.  I will need to learn let it go.  I will learn how to speak correctly, rather than just blurt out anything.  This was all my fault.  Just think about it, as long as I kept my mouth shut and compliment on her, she'd be happy.  Or at least not pissed. 

This must be my pride.  My pride, which I do not see how could I have any pride?!  I don't have time to thank enough, but pride? 

Now I am angry and tired.  What about my feeling?   Apologize!  Apologize to you mother!!!!!!!  She's always right.  She's always right. 

NO, I don't want to just shut my fucking mouth!  I don't want to be uncle!  I want to say my piece.  I still felt ignored.  But of course, mom have the right to ignore me.  She can bring me to this life, she can also ignore me.  IT is I who needs to find an audience.

I know I am angry still.  I know she's still angry.  No, this is only in my mind.  

Sunday, November 29, 2015

insist

the problem is not new. 
always forget about what i want. 
not just forget, most of time, confused as well. 
we need to judge.  but judgement did not favor
that moment's passion. 

fail seemed inevitable. 
sometimes slow is the problem
sometimes no decision was made at all.
but the other half of the time, forgetful
is the problem, really.  

how to not forget the good one
i have to judge, no? 
to judge, it takes time, no?
so many options, how to choose?
sweat is beading on my nose. 
i wish it's an 8 ball.
just give me the choice
i need to make once and for all. 

oh, wait, what was on my mind
after all....

Saturday, November 28, 2015

park and world

I watched Jurassic World a couple weeks ago.  I enjoyed quite a bit.  I like Chris Pratt, he's naturally funny.  The other actor who has similar charisma is Nathan Fillion.  I liked the final fight in the movie as well.  While watching it, I kept thinking that I liked the first one better though.  I wondered why. 

I watched the first one again last night.  I like the first one better.  I think the first one was simpler in terms of scale and complexity.  The dino in the park was more animal like.  They were more raw.  I was simply awed, even for raptors.  But in the world, I felt a sense of guidance, an artificial intention.  The link between Pratt's character and raptor was a source of emotion, I felt moved, especially towards the end.  But it also create something more domesticated.  It's probably not avoidable since raptors has been in contact with human for so long.  The new Dino was not a dino anymore.  It's a monster.  In the park, SS, the director wanted to bring audience to see real dinos as real animals, he did not want to show  Godzilla or King Kong.  But it's kind reversed in the World.  Human created a monster instead of dino.  Thus, huge chasm between the Park and the World.

It could also be viewed as a hero movie.  To me, personally, a story of how a man becomes a hero seemed  always more interesting than a story about a Hero who was already a Hero, or even a fall of a Hero.  The rise of a hero brought hope and unknown future.  That future was exciting.  I guess the park has the same effect.  The World is not.  But it brought great nostalgia when the T-rex went on the roof and claimed his throne.  The world is a still very good story nonetheless. 

It's interesting to note that in the Park, I saw some local life.  But in the World, Dino was the main focus.  The other thing to be noted was that Carnivore battle is really the meat of the World.  It's also differed from the Park.  Of course, any huge dino fight was exciting, especially this well done, but still a huge piece of artificial direction.  I kept mentioning about Artificial intention, I think it's unfair.  I can' shake it off though.  It is clear that every frame was created by a human intention.  Its purpose is to hit audience, hoping they would resonant.  But, if I could feel that guidance, that means I, as an audience was not in the moment, instead, I was outside, looking in, and I could even see the hands controlling those puppet. 

I could even link this feeling with "the Tiger: a true story of Vengeance and Survival".  I still couldn't really express my awe from that book.  But the impression from the Park and the World did stir something in me that reminded of that book. 

Saturday, November 21, 2015

看出事情的真相

我常常覺得, 我看事情都是看事情的真相.  時間一久, 卻感覺愈來愈憤世忌俗.  期實自己哪裡能看到事情的真相呢?  大多都是把這一事和另一事, 或者這一人和那一人比比, 量量, 然後歸納出一個表格.  把以後看到的人事物, 通通往那個表格一放, 就說, 真相就是這樣. 

真相嘛,那還不簡單, 每個人都穿衣服, 那不是真相.  把衣服脫了吧.  每個人都有五官四肢, 那不是真相, 把皮相去掉, 剩下的白骨, 那總是真相了吧?! 

可憐的人, 自己的歷練有多少?  所經歷的人事物有多少?  不應該那麼早就把評斷是非的標準畫在白紙黑字上...  只要消化在心裡, 然後忘掉吧.  要讓心靈長大, 那張紙, 撕了吧... 


unmovalbe object

Do you ever wonder, wondering how were you falling into sleep?  I did.  I wondered about it a lot.  I wondered what was I doing right before sleep happened.  I wonder if I was imagining something.  For it seemed that I could fall into sleep quite easily, if I cooked up a story first.  But I always wondered, how come I never really dreamed of those stories.  In fact, I never really remembered my dream during my sleep.  But right after I opened my eyes, the imagination I cooked up before I sleep, I could still remembered them. 

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What's the point of the above paragraph?  What is the theme that I want to explore?  I feel I lost the topics.  I usually went blank if I wanted to start something.  I thought if I scrambled on, I could find it.  For one moment, I know it was there.  But then, I could not stop scrambling.  Or, I thought if was on the train of thoughts then.  So if I kept scrambling, it would appear automatically.  No.  It's not the case.  How sad...

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Sunday, November 15, 2015

Fall came

I went to Texas last week, from Tues to Fri.  It's a very short trip.  We went to my aunt's new home, which is really middle of nowhere.  We went to Houston and Austin, both 5 hour round trip.  But it is unique.  The ranch was big, and there are cows free ranging 6 feet off our front door.  I was hoping to pet a cow.  But they were extremely shy.  It was a curious sight when all of sudden, all cow raised their head to look at you.  You know it's true that they noticed you although I don't want to anthropomorphize the cow.  At that moment, it felt funny like I was being discovered by a group people I was trying to sneak around.  I was wearing red the first day so I was also wonder if they'd charge because of that.  lol That range is beautiful.  It has at least 2 ponds, a wooded area, the landscape was interesting enough.  But it needs a lot of work.  I wonder if my aunt and her husband could really handle it. 

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Like I said that place was far from big city.  We went to Austin to meet my cousin, that was a 5 hour trip, wait, cross that, with some stops along the way, it was a whole day trip.  And we only meet my cousin for a 40 minutes Ramen...  The soup itself was decent enough, but portion was small... 

Then on Thursday, we went to Wendy's house in Houston for dinner.  It was only a meal, not even a tea time.  Then, whew, we were leaving.  PQ driving home this time.  It was really dark the closer we get to the destination.  To me, it's amazing to drive 5 hours round trip just to have a meal.  But my gosh, when I looked back it was like a dream.  Short, weird, but  vivid.  It was in a hurry, many details were missing.  It felt awkward.  That awkward may make the trip memorable?  lol 

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On the last night in Texas, I had a dream.  I dreamt of CJ dressed in a  black dress, with a bit shoulders showing.  She walked to my left side, then maybe we exchanged a few words.  I thought she was going to sit by my side.  But no, she sat on my left thigh.  I could not help but exploded to hug her, put my head on her shoulder.  Then I was pulled from it, in a state of shock. 

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We went to rock climbing on 10-18-2015 morning with george, george's wife, CJ, CJ's brother.  I was surprised that all of us could accomplishing a lot for that day.  I thought george was doing great, so was his wife, tian zhou yiao.  CJ's brother did not surprise me.  I already knew her will, but I was surprised at CJ's ability to climb.  CJ's brother seemed really interested, he even asked the staff there about the transportation.  It surprised me that the rcok gym provide service to pick people up at subway station! 

After two and half hours of climbing, we went to  Brooklyn to eat.  On the way back, I missed a turn, then I have to pay the toll booth...  :p 


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Saturday, October 24, 2015

movies, pictures, expression

Since life of pi, the movie, I was stunned by the graphical power of movie.  I never felt such incredible visual feat other than disney's anime and 宮崎駿 的 cartoons.   I watched another movie, mad max fury road, that gave me the same impression this year.  The difference is that life of pi used a lot of CGI, Mad max the fury road did not.  In face, it's a total contrast, the campaign boasted that instead of CGI, they used traditional,  real physical stunts!  It was truly fast and furious.  The third movie gave me the same feeling was the secret life of walter mitty.  It used some CGI to create imaginary sequences in the early stage.  But it did not abandon the real physical beauty of the  surroundings.  As the story progressed, the real world took the front role.  It eventually bring the audience to see majestic scenery.

However, I find one thing very interesting.  The story arch of these three movies are extremely simple.  The dialogue used in the movies is elegant maybe, but simple as well.  The mad max fury road brought the dialogue down on the dirt surface.  Life of pi used exclamation and monologue most of the time.  The secret life of walter mitty was consisted of awkward silence and awkward conversation.  This is interesting.  Because I would usually consider dialogue as king in movies.  That's what drives movie in terms of story, character, and mood usually.  But here, pictures delivered impact beyond words.


Sunday, October 11, 2015

rockclimbing

I finally went to rock climbing today.  Since two years ago that I know there're climbing gyms around my area, I finally got to do it. 

For the past few weeks I was trying to get some colleagues to go to the gym, mainly CJ, George...  But it's a hard process.  It's hard to coordinate schedule, mostly.  George also had reservation about such strenuous activity.  I don't have clue how rock climbing really is.  But George's wife expressed interest...so, there he goes, I guess.  CJ wanted to bring his brother, but his brother is working at CVS.  He also wanted to make sure that it's worth to use a personal day.

So I decided to try it out before getting them all involved.  I talked to my sister, we decided to go together on Sunday afternoon.    And instead of Woburn, we went to the one in Everett.  It's bigger than the Woburn gym, My bother in law said.  We need to sign the waiver to get in, I read a little and was surprised to see that even if the equipment failed, it's still not gym's fault!  It sounds scary.  But anyway, I was already there, gotta gathering the courage.  We decided to do auto belay and boulder. 

I got on the auto belay and got on to the top in my first try.  But it was coming down that's scared me.  At first I was trying to climbing down.  I got tired.  However, to let the auto belay get me down, I was really scared, I hate the sensation of falling.  I was struggling while breaking with the auto belay.  I landed facing out instead of facing the wall.  Then I went to bouldering.  This one does not need ropes, the height is shorter, but still you need a thick pad down below, so it can break your fall. I somehow felt less stress with it.   So I did bouldering for a quite a while, then April and her husband came to look for me.  Then we went to do some more auto belaying.   However, this time, it's really hard for me.  Because I could not climbing a single one successfully.  My forearms were stiffed up, could not exert too much power when that happened!  I tried another 3 auto belay courses, all failed.  I can still so bouldering though. 


After about 2 hours, we went to April's home to have hot pot. 

It was fun!  But I have doubts that George and CJ would enjoy it... Maybe CJ's bother would. 

Saturday, September 19, 2015

her

it's horrible.  i see her everywhere, on my window drapes, my walls, when i was at walmart today as well...  you name it, i see her there.  i wish to hug her, kiss her.  but it's not a good match.  and she would never say yes anyway.  i know i am not ready in any aspect of my life, i hate myself for knowing.  absolute hate myself.  we are way too different.  it's an obsession.  love is to tolerate with kindness.  i already saw her with somebody else.  and me, just a bystander, one of those passing through her life. 

i don't care.  i saw her everywhere.  i want to hug her, feel her weight on me, her smooth skin, with a laugh in her eyes, her scent in my nose.  i will close my eyes.  i want to own her, the same way she owns me too. 

what if she said yes.  i don't ask myself if she said no.  for that's a silly question, similar to asking if i am going to die or not.  what if she said yes, then what?  where to go, what to say, do i even exist?  it's not a joy, for the thoughts of her does not give me pleasure most of the time.  it stings me with how incapable of my own image.  i am no good.  i judged myself to eternal sleep, where not even flame is raised, but nothingness, and forgetfulness. 

in fire and ice, i crumbled.  I love her, it's a possessive idea.  i want her everything to myself.  me, only.  me only. 

i see her everywhere.  i want her. 

Thursday, September 17, 2015

moving castle

i just saw howl's moving castle yesterday again.  it is a very nice story.  I wonder why I don't remember about it at all.  This is my second viewing. 

thoughts

昨天早上十點休息時, aaron 和 cj 到倉庫裡問我要否走路?  我說好.  後來, michelle 和 sofya 也來了.  我們就繞著公司的房子走了幾圈.  我想也只有aaron 才能叫 cj 出來走一走.  之前, 我叫過一次, 和 sofya 還有我一起走, 但是他沒答應.  這兩周我也和 aaron 和 cj 提到應該要在休息的時候做做運動. 

有點妒羨之情.  :D 

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昨天回家的時候, 媽媽有點 upset.  這幾天氣真的是太好了, 他因為腳, 哪裡都不能去.  心情一定是低落的.  吃完飯後, 我就澆水, 剪點韭菜和蔥.  我希望我有無窮的故事講給他聽, 他不見得會喜歡, 但是至少是一個分散注意力的方法. 

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昨天我把飲食男女借給 sofya, 他下午的時候到倉庫問我, 這電影是否有性的鏡頭?  我說有一點裸露的片段.  他說他兒子會東問西問的.  所以他要決定是否和他的娃一起看... 


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vic 和我做了一整天的 inventory.  因為前幾天發現有兩個貨可能混了.  一個多了三百, 一個少三百.  於是, vic 發憤要把所有不合資料庫的數據通通抓出來改正.  可是一旦到了 C 的部分, 我們就懶了.  其實也是沒必要, 不然整個 whole chain 都要出問題, 從 logistic 到 accounting. 

到了四點半, alex 到倉庫和我們開會, 因為有個客戶抱怨他們的貨物上有膠帶的痕跡.  他們要用酒精清半天.  vic 抓住機會, 給 alex 我們作的 inventory.  我覺得很好玩, 因為以前聽舅舅說外國人會把自己做的事情和上司一件件的提.  我自從和 vic 同事, 發現真的是如此.  當然還是得看人, 我就懷疑 anne 會否如此.  Alex 聽了後, 好像也很高興, 我們自發的做了這個公司的整批 inventory.  我想他可能覺得有點好玩, 但是也是很高興. 

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Tuesday, September 15, 2015

some records

Mom fractured her left ankle on 8/24/2015 before 5:00 clock afternoon.  I was at the library at the time.  Our neighbor, Mark & Paula's daughter saw it and came over to help her up.  I thought it was just a sprained ankle, but when my sister heard of it.  She insisted on bring mom to the doctor.  That was Tuesday.  It was a fracture after mom went to Lowell's Gen's emergency unit twice. 

Mom kept mentioning how it was a much better experience compared to the last time she fractured her knee cap.  It was a much pleasant experience, I agree.  But sadly, it seemed I did not have much recollection of it!  This is truly weird!  I can sum up something basic, like maintaining toilet seat... but I can't remember much else...  I do not understand the reasoning behind. 

It somehow reminded me a movie, where the protagonist was cruising life using a remote control.  Maybe I was like that.  Very sad. 

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We had some weird inventory count discrepancy, some part number have more stock.  We missed three weeks inventory count since 8/17/2015.  CJ proposed it as a shipping error.  Because there's another one very similar part number located right below, was missing exactly the same amount that was over.  Vic was annoyed.   I thought it could be a box misplacement induced shipping error.  But a shipping error nonetheless.  

I just remembered that when Vic was off on the week of 8/24/2015, I was picking his part, the p/n that was missing, was already missing 300 pcs.  My record that week on that p/n was incomplete, for I thought I would come back and count, if I got time!  Sadly, I did not.

 The ATW part is the same thing.  But CJ agreed to zeroed it out.  We will see.   

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

回顧

我回顧了一下我的網誌. 超過半數是很爛的文章.  基本上詞不達意.  完全是沒有經過處理過得文字.  這本是我的初衷.  因為, 在現實生活裡, 我以為我和別人溝通上, 大多都是經過考慮後才出發的.  但是, 兩年多的工作上, 我發現, 事實並非如此. 

沒錯, 事實並非如我所想.  我是緊盯著自己的一舉一動, 但是, 真正考慮後, 說出理想的話語卻很少.  絕少.  至少, 讓我自己覺得說完後, 感覺很滿意的很少.  說話後, 基本上都是感覺害怕, 後悔, 和希望以後別說了...  我和別人在溝通上似乎總是有障礙. 

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昨天幾件事, 早餐, 媽媽要做飯, 看到櫥櫃裡一大堆的香料, 就埋怨我怎麼買大堆都不用.  我上樓刷牙去的時候, 還在跟自己說要當耳邊風, 下來, 他還在念.  我就不爽了.  又用了很重的口吻和言詞來表示自己的憤怒.  主要在說, 這有啥好一直念的, 你倒楣, 你的兒女都是這樣, 買了又不用的... 

我就是不能了解.  為啥會這樣.  他一開始說的時候就不能逃避.  馬上要有反應.  不然無法化解.  馬上就應該說, 那現在你比較常做菜, 我來告訴你怎麼用, 或許你可以幫我用掉.  這是我臨出門時做的.  幫他把 annatto 磨成粉. 

不久前, 有次和小瑋談話,  他說,每次我發完脾氣, 如果他來家裡, 媽媽就會在他面前哭.  我聽了是痛苦極了.  痛苦極了.  不知道要怎樣.  每次媽媽開始嘮叨某件事, 我都是避而不談.  但是, 這不是辦法. 不能躲避.  不能畏懼.  一害怕就要想辦法拐彎抹角. 

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Monday, September 07, 2015

random, i guess

I want to make an wedding card for michelle.  I think that would be an interesting project.  But my gosh, there are so many videos on youtube.  They were all amazing.  They all need a lot of props. 

At first, I was only thinking of drawing on it.  But by looking at this, I'd say that drawing would be hard.  I am thinking cutting some papers and paste on each other would be easier.  But I will need to find out. 

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i am going for a jog.  Just to see how's my condition in terms of ankle and waist.  I know it's strengthened through 7 - 8 years of centergy.  But can I sustain prolonged, repeated action?  I know I need some cardio and strength training.  We'll see. 

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I have a rapid weight loss.  I guess sleep less, and eat less has it's toll.  But most importantly, where did my heart go?  I know the answer but I can't tell anyone.  Nobody want to listen to a problem, for which, I did not intend to solve it. 

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I went to skyline trail in medford yesterday afternoon.  I got lost in there.  It was quite big,  the sign was no as clear as I wished for.  I was sort in a hurry, since my sister and her husband was coming to my house for dinner.  I, of course, got out safe. 

They brought chili, dumplings, we stir fried eggs and leek, ma po tofu.  It was a pretty good meal. 

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a few movies

water diviner:

russell crowe's director debut.  it's a pretty solid film.  The story is about an Australian father trying to find his three sons after his wife drowned herself.  He traveled to the unknown land of Turkey since his sons were reported killed on battlefield of WW1. 

The story to me was nothing too special.  What's interesting though was a little poke of Turkey's history, it's people, and it's art from the movie.  I don't remember I've seen these from the other movies.  Since the story was nothing too special, it's characters however, was interesting enough to connect with the audience.  Interesting is a tad too light, I'd say that they were in their own way that likeable. 

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chappie:

It's the third movie I saw from this director.  He's holding on to his root tightly.  I think it's a good things really. 

The storyline wasn't too surprising really, until the end.  I think the direction of the ending was innovative.  Considering director's previous effort, I should not be too surprised at the ending, but I was.  Just by looking at hj's face on the cover, I'd never guessed he's a bad guy here.  But it's a good change, I guess.  He did a decent job.  The focus of the film was of course, Chappie.  The growing curve of chappie did grasp my attention and sympathy, especially when he realized the mortality of his own life. 

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Sunday, August 16, 2015

Some thoughts

I watched redemption last night.  It was pretty good.  It in some way reminded me of gunman.  They were both plot driven action movie.  But gunman was a prettier movie, redemption felt more like a social issue movie.  Gunman also reminded me of American sniper.  But Action in american sniper was not the focus.  Gunman was the opposite, at least to me.  The reason I chose gunman to watch was simply because I was quite impressed with sean penn in the secret life of walter mitty.  I passed redemption many times in library simply because I felt that jason statham was just being himself in most of movies.  It's tiresome after a while.  This movie held up because the plot.  I said social issue at first because the featurette of the movie mentioned that 10% of homeless wanderers in london was ex soldiers.  That is a surprising thing to me.  And the movie describing such character with a story arch that slowly exploded was quite nice.  Jason statham was not bad here. 

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外公要給舅媽接風,因為他上個星期才從 DC 回來.  於是我和媽媽作陪客和舅舅, 舅媽, 外公去老四川吃飯.  去的路上, 媽媽不斷講話.  說到今天早上, 外公竟然和媽媽說, 老王的爸爸三年前帶著老王來到了美國, 又學英文, 又學中文, 又教老王詩詞, 所以老王現在可以寫寫詩詞, 都是她老爸教的.  但是, 老王就是懶惰, 所以英文現在一個字不識, 只會在後面種黃瓜.  媽媽說他聽了就禁不住大笑起起來.  因為老王的是自己夫妻倆自己來的.  而且, 老王都六十了, 他過世的老爸即使真的來了, 也已經九十左右了, 怎麼可能又學英文, 又學中文?  可是和他面對面的外公可就完全不能理解媽媽為啥笑了.  所以他很不滿意,他自己和老媽講正經話, 卻被笑成這樣實在太不像話了.    媽媽說他自己聽完後, 就趕快打電話給佩蘭阿姨.  現在又忍不住得要講再一遍.  舅舅說他早就聽過了.  媽媽聽了說, 那你怎麼沒有和我講過哩?  舅舅說, 我腦袋裡總不能老裝著這些東西啊. 

去老四川, 叫菜後都是一大碗飯, 大家分著吃.  現在大家去吃的都有譜了, 口水魚, 獅子頭, 辣子雞, 白油燃麵, 夫妻肺片.  吃著, 吃著, 舅舅, 舅媽, 也就隨口問問我最近怎麼樣.  因為好像聽說, 我因肩傷已經一陣子沒去瑜珈, 然後三天前, 胃又出了大毛病.  我也問問毛這次回來的情況.  我也說上次去問毛, 如果我睡不著, 怎麼辦?  毛就說聽呼吸然後不要去控制呼吸, 應該可以幫助.  媽媽一直擔心外公吃不飽, 因為菜都是辣的.  後來, 獅子頭上來了, 媽媽才稍微鬆了口氣.  那一大碗飯也在這時快要吃完.  舅媽常常說的, 來老四川他似乎是來吃白飯的.  因為所有的菜都很下飯.  講完沒多久, 外公就和舅舅說, 我這一輩子沒看過, 出來吃飯大家猛吃白飯, 白飯都吃完了, 結果所有的菜都還剩的.  這樣看來, 真是太不好意思了.  今天我請客, 如果這些菜不喜歡, 就再叫一些其他的!  在他的催促下, 我們後來又點了個甜品. 

回家的路上, 我印象最深的就是, 舅舅和舅媽解釋外公總是小小心心的看著大家的一舉一動.  看看每個人喜歡吃得甚麼菜.  把這些當作資料收到腦袋裡儲存在 data base 裡, 將來可以利用.  後來媽媽不知道說了甚麼, 舅媽說這些都是很令人難過的事情.  再後來, 媽媽不知道為甚麼大聲問舅舅, 咦, 掛在你後照鏡上的牌子是你去工作的停車場牌子嗎?  舅舅沒有回答, 舅媽一下子把那塊牌子拿下來放進手邊的小櫃子裡. 

一旁的外公睡睡醒醒, 到家的時候, 本來舅舅還要和他去麥當勞喝咖啡. 但是外公看起來早忘了,一付睡眼惺忪的樣子.  也回家去了. 

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I watched it follows last week.  This movie has late 80's and  early 90's vibe.  The atmosphere was gradually building up.  It's a pretty good film.  The subject in the movie was very interesting.  My interpretation of the theme was that it's about STD.  But I guess it can also have many guesses.  This and Babadook are the two horror films I saw lately.  Both are very thoughtful.  They both use a lot of metaphors to bring out the fear in people rather than just plain monsters and gore.  I feel, at least for me, both movies has many aspects that needs to time to dig deeper. 


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Saturday, August 08, 2015

a toast

CJ brought me a toast with 奶酥 (buttercream icing) on it on last Friday afternoon.  I was Giddy.  Guess my love for food was well known.  But the fact that she'd give me one, it was thrilling.    Vic must think of me as hopeless and gutless.  I can't help it. 

CJ talked to me 2 mornings ago, about buttercream icing.  She could not find such thing in USA, not even a name for it.  So they tried to make it themselves.  I went home and did some research, after  some futile effort, I typed just the ingredients: beaten butter, dry milk, sugar.  Buttercream Icing was what came out.  The difference lies that there's no recipe used dry milk, they just used milk. 

Anyway, I am still giddy.  :D


quotes from movie

 from movie:  Stories We Tell

When you're in the middle of a story, it isn't a story at all but rather a confusion, a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass and splintered wood, like a house in a whirlwind or else a boat crushed by the icebergs or swept over the rapids, and all aboard are powerless to stop it. It's only afterwards that it becomes anything like a story at all, when you're telling it to yourself or someone else.

Margaret Atwood
(Alias Grace)
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(Narrator to his daughter)

And in some ways,that's why
This whole questions of ...

"Was I your father, or, wasn't I?"

 It becomes very sort of an unimportant part of the past,
for me, anyway,
I think it's much more important for you.
For me, it's just one of those things happened along with life.

So, don't feel sorry for me, If you have pity, it should be for Harry,
who loved and lost Diane and then missed out on the childhood of Sarah that he produced.

Had that been my lot, I would have been mortified when I read that DNA result.
I've been a very lucky man, and, of course, for one of my luckiest moments,
I have to thank Harry Gulkin for loving Diane.

Sarah's only what she is because of that night of love between Diane and Harry. 
Had I been her biological father, she would have been entirely different.
 She might have been better or worse, but she would definitely not have been the Sarah she is today.
And that's the one I love.Of the other possible outcome, there's nothing.

You may decide you want to keep this letter to yourself, or to share it.
It's yours, and yours the choice.

You know, look...while telling me your news on Thursday, you twice hugged me as hard as you ever did in your childhood.
That alone made you revelation worth a thousand words.

So, there you have it.
All I know of what happened or what has been reported to me has been told.
I think I wrote this story because it really says so many interesting things about the human condition.

But maybe there was another reason.
Perhaps, deep inside,
I have suffered more of a shock than I would  have openly admit.
I sometimes stop and realize that something inside, has for the rest of my life changed.
A certain cord that runs between Sarah and me has been severed, and I am powerless to join it together.  It's not a real thing.  It only exists because we have developed this facet called imagination, and that is all too real and tangible.  It gives pain.  It's brief, and soon I am back again at the keyboard, reliving the past 40 years.  But I suppose it will always be lurking to catch me unawares.  So perhaps this story is a form of denial.

How ironic it is that the final revelation and its aftermath have brought Sarah and I closer together and resulted in me writing volumes, as Diane always wanted me to.  It has given me a new lease on life.

/
/
/
I will go on
I will go on.
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The movie used one line from a poem.  I found the poem online.  Here it is, the red letters are the verse they used in the movie.


Tonight I can write the saddest lines

bu Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example,'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.